(scat)
BROWNOSER
"I'll see you later, Alex. Tell the girls I'll be there at seven. I gotta go brown-nose the manager for this month's rent." He winked.
"Yeah? What's the deal? Some old lady starved for dick?" He laughed.
"I wish! No, the manager's a man."
"Hunh?" He looked suspiciously at his buddy. "Hey, what've you been up to, Allan? Don't tell me you blow some old faggot for the rent! Or does he blow you?"
"Neither, actually. You wouldn't believe it if I told you."
"Try me," he insisted, putting his hands on his hips.
"Okay, you asked for it. When I said I hadda go 'brown- nose' the manager, I meant just that. GIVE HIM A BROWN NOSE!" He laughed.
"Y-you mean...he licks your...your ASSHOLE?!" he gasped.
"Never. I don't know why, he's certainly filthy enough for it. He manages all the apartments, but he happens to own his and mine outright. Every 1st Thursday after classes I go to his apartment. We don't exchange a word. We both get naked. He sits on a kitchen chair and I climb up onto the table and kneel there with my ass in his face."
"Jeez! He just sticks his nose on your butt, hunh?"
"Nope! Brown-nose isn't just an expression, buddy. He looks at my asshole and jacks off. When he's ready, I take a shit... right on the table! He watches my turds fall out! Then as soon as I'm done I have to turn around and watch him."
"GOOD GOD! HE SHITS TOO?!!"
"No. He leans over and jams his nose into the mess I made! He rubs it around until he's got lotsa brown shit all over his nose. Then he leans back in the chair and looks at me looking at him. He goes crazy smelling my shit and shoots all over himself! He has a towel ready, and wipes his nose clean. Then he uses his hands to wipe my asshole off. As shitty as it might, or might not be, he'll keep getting it on his fingers-- smelling it--and wiping it off on the towel. Then I leave."
"That's the weirdest fucking thing I've ever heard! And he never touches you or anything?"
"Nope. Just digs the smell of my poop! Enough for free rent."
"Jeez! No wonder you walk around as if your shit don't stink!" he couldn't resist.
"This is one time I'm glad it does. The more it stinks, the more he shoots out of his cock...and he's got a really big one! Whatever keeps him happy. He's only about 35, and I don't even know for sure if he's even queer. Maybe he's just a big-dicked shit-sniffer."
"Whadda you mean, 'whatever keeps him happy'?"
"Well, nuthin'...I mean, well, if he did want to blow me or something like that, it'd sure be worth the rent, don't you think?"
"I guess. But now I feel kinda funny about something I was going to ask you."
"What's that?"
"Well, I was going to see if you wanted a roommate. Rents keep going up and it's gettin' tight. But..."
"Aw, you just dreamed that up right now!" Allan chucked him on the arm. "Wanna get in on the dirty action, hunh?"
"NO! Honest, I was really thinking about it." Alex blushed.
"Just kidding, buddy. But I don't know what he'd say about you moving in. It's great with me, but..."
"Well, wouldn't he agree if I paid half the rent--in cash-- and you paid your half...the way you do?"
"Hmmm," Allan thought a moment. "What if he suggests that you pay the same way?"
"SHIT!"
"Yeah."
"No, I didn't mean...I meant...cripes! I couldn't do that!"
"Why not? Think of the money we'd have for dating and school paying no rent."
"It is a lot of money," Alex got thoughtful. "But..."
"It's a snap, Alex. How the fuck do you think I manage it? You go in, you take a shit, you leave. Bingo! Come on, go with me today and we'll see what he thinks of the idea. Could, uh, could you shit right now if you had to?"
"NOW?! Uh, I don't know," he said nervously, "I guess so."
"Good. Come on!"
"Allan! You're not just gonna toss me in there and leave me, are you? I...I wouldn't be able to..."
"Course not. I'll be with you. Maybe he'll want us to do it at the same time. He'll go nuts seeing two butts shitting! I know he likes to watch it, or else he'd just have me deliver my turd in a bag."
"I...I couldn't shit with you watching! OR ANYBODY!"
"Sure you can. Just gotta do it once, that's all. Then it's easy. I'll help you through it, don't worry."
"What kind of help?" he glared.
"Whadda you think?" Allan asked, exasperated. "I'll shove my fist up your ass and pull your turd out myself, you idiot! Aw, I'll just talk you through it, that's all. Quit getting crazy ideas, willya. This whole thing is a deal for free rent. Nothing more."
"Wha...what would the girls say?"
"Are you stupid, or just blabbering? We don't tell anyone!"
At the door, the manager beamed until he saw Alex. His eyes narrowed in apprehension that he wasn't about to get his rent. But Allan smiled and ushered Alex in ahead of him. The man closed the door behind them. Allan whispered for Alex to go into the kitchen area, then he motioned for the manager to come sit on the couch while he explained.
Standing there feeling foolish, Alex watched Allan and the manager engage in a whispered conversation. Than Allan hopped up and came toward him, smiling.
"All set, buddy," he clapped his hands. "Let's drop some turds!"
"Uh, should we...you know, talk?" Alex started to strip, noticing that the other two were doing so.
Allan turned to the manager. "Mr. Quilp?"
"Hell, yes. I just thought not talking made it easier on you. I don't mind. And call me Don, will you?"
"Okay, Don," Allan said, feeling like a veteran in these affairs and actually glad he could voice some feelings. "Two hot turds coming up! One for sure. I've been holding this one in for two days." He helped a blushing Alex onto the sturdy table, getting him to move so his ass was aimed properly. Then he joined him.
"Damn!" the manager exclaimed, looking at Alex' spread anus. "Nice asshole, kid. Do you shoot big turds like your buddy here?"
"Uh, I guess so," Alex half-whispered, burying his head in his arms.
"Alex is kinda nervous and embarrassed," Allan explained.
"But not you, hunh Allan? You kinda dig taking a dump for the old shit-smeller, doncha? You love to see me grind my nose into the mess you make, hunh?"
"Well, it is d-different," he stammered.
"Hey, relax. I'm not challenging you. This is supposed to be fun. For me, anyway. I know I'm weird. I dig watching young guys shit. It gets me so hot I want that smell on my nose while I blow my wad."
Allan settled beside Alex. "Don? Can I ask you a personal question?"
"Don't be silly. Of course. I'm about to smell your shit."
"Are you queer?" Alex gasped at his question.
"Nope. But can you imagine me trying to get a girl to do this with no emotional strings attached?"
"Oh. Well, if you like shit so much, how come you don't lick it?"
"I just figured you probably had enough handling me smelling it. Want me to lick your turd, Allan? Wanna see me lick your shits?"
"No, uh...well...I just thought...if you want to."
"OK. I'll lick your shits. I'll lap my tongue over your turds and you can watch me. When you're done, I'll lick the sweet shit off your assholes, too! How's that?"
"Aw, fuck!" Alex gasped.
"Hey, OK, Don!" Allan cried. "Fuck, man, go ahead and put your tongue up my ass right now and I'll shit right on your tongue!"
Don playfully slapped Alex on the rump. "Come watch this!" Then he pushed his face into Allan's ass and smelled his asshole. "GAWD, I LOVE THE SMELL OF AN ASSHOLE!" He started to lick at it.
"Uh," Alex started, tentatively, "h-how'd you get like this?"
Don pulled away long enough for a short explanation. "When I was 12 a gang of boys held me down while one of them took a shit on my face. I hated them! But ever since then, I've been wanting to do this. The memory of that hot smell just never went away. NOW GIVE ME SOME HOT, SMELLY TURDS, BOYS!"
Alex stared in wonder as Allan shit out his turd. Don licked it all the way. When the huge turd finally fell onto the table, Don pulled his cheeks apart and sucked his asshole clean. Alex was so amazed, he hardly even noticed the awful smell. Then Don looked at him.
"You ready to shit for me, baby? Got a big fine turd up that pretty ass of yours? A nice smelly one?"
Alex nodded, numbly, and began to turn around.
"Wait. You wanna watch? Lay on your back." In position, Don lifted his legs, and got Allan to hold them way back, leaving his anus lewdly exposed and vulnerable. Don pulled his chair up close, spread the smooth buttocks, and put his mouth right up to the gaping asshole.
"Great asshole!" he smelled and licked it sensuously, driving his tongue into the boy's dank pit. He told Allan to hold Alex' head up. Then he looked up at Alex and calmly declared, "Shit in my mouth!"
Something suddenly snapped in Alex' brain. His dick was getting stiff. "AW, FUCK! FUCKIN' SHITLICKER! OH, EAT MY HOT SHIT!" He bolted a monstrous turd into Don's mouth, causing the man's eyes to pop! Half stuffed with shit, he held the boy's bottom firmly and pushed forward over the sweltering column and forced his mouth over the greasy turd until it pushed against the back of his throat! He held it there, working his lips and tongue over the shit until he finally had to pull off and gasp for breath! Alex' long turd continued out, then arched and fell out. Immediately, Don pushed his face into the grimy crevice and sucked the shit from Alex' gaping anus. Abruptly, he stood up and reached over. He grabbed Allan's turd and stuffed it into his mouth. Then he thrust his hips forward just as his big, untouched cock shot high, splattering bursts of cum all over Alex!
"AW, FUCK MAN! SUCK MY SHIT!" Allan cried, reaching down to jerk Don's cock to completion. "BITE IT, MAN! EAT MY GOOP!"
His steely grip on Don's pecker caused the organ to spurt out more streams of hot cockjuice. Alex was trying to dodge it. Don moaned loudly and looked at Allan. He pulled the turd from his mouth, then bit into it, quickly gulping down more than half of it before his thunderous orgasm abated.
"Man, you're really filthy, Don," Allan laughed when they'd dressed. "Smellin' butts...lickin' shitty assholes...eatin' turds!"
"Yeah," Don admitted, "Wait'll you see what I do next month!"
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