Broken Facades: The Journal by Alex Nelson
Chapter 1 Lost
"Mom, I rushed over as soon as I could, are you Ok?" Tony said as he ran into the house. As she turned around shaking, still holding the Journal in her hand, Tony stood there frozen as he recognized the Journal. Suddenly Alex ran into the house shouting.
"Mom!" he shouted as he ran into the house.
"Tony, what happened? Where is she?" he said as he saw Tony standing there turning pale.
"Oh Shit!" Alex said as he stepped around Tony and saw that Meredith was holding Justin's Journal in her hand. "How did she get it?" Alex asked as he turned and looked at Tony.
As a tear rolled down Meredith's cheek she could only ask, "Why does some stranger have Justin's Journal, who gave it to him? And...and what do these pictures mean?" she asked as she stuttered. "Boys, answer me?"
Both of them looked down and refused to look at her. "Answer Me!" Meredith screamed and threw the pictures and the Journal at them. "Tell me...Tell me!"
"Who is this person in these pictures with Justin?" Meredith asked as she picked up a few of the pictures and started riffling through them. "And why is he kissing my son? Why is he holding Justin like that? What do these pictures mean?"
"Hey, babe," Heath said quietly as he sat down Indian style on the damp ground facing Justin's tombstone. It had just finished raining, the air smelled fresh as he gently touched the cold wet stone. "Well, I did it. I know...I know you're scared, but, baby, they need to know, they love you and they have to know. Please don't be angry," Heath said as he started to cry. "You don't understand how hard it was for me to part with it, but I think it will help your mom. From what I hear she's in worse shape than I am. I think it will help, it helped keep me sane, maybe after a while I'll ask for it back," Heath said as he started to laugh, but then started to cry even harder than he had ever done before.
"Oh, Justin, what am I going to do?" Heath asked out loud as he hugged the tombstone. "I miss you so much," he said as he wiped the tears off of his face. "Coming here was a bad idea. I shouldn't be in this town, it only hurts more seeing your friends. They remind me more and more of you; I don't know how much more I can take. Tony and Alex were the ones who dragged me here after I locked myself in our...I mean, my apartment. I just want to go home and never come out of my room."
"And what good is that going to do?" a voice said out of the blue.
"Justin?" Heath said softly as he started to look around.
"Nope, guess again," the voice said as he turned around to see Brad looking at him with a sullen look.
"Brad?" Heath said as he got up, "I'm sorry, I was just talking to...never mind."
"No, I'm sorry, I'll give you some more time."
"No...don't worry about it, I was just leaving," Heath said with a smile, as he could now see for the first time in person how cute Brad was. 'Now I see why Justin fell in love with him,' he thought to himself.
"Wait", Brad said as he gently reached out and held Heath's arm. "You and I have never met, and Tony and Alex have only shown me pictures of you. I would like to sit down and talk to you. I've wanted to find out more about you, who you are, where you come from, you know."
Heath, feeling a little nervous, started to pull away from Brad. "Why do you want to know about me? I'm no one special, just your average guy, what gives?"
"Well, you were my best friend's supposed boyfriend and I don't even know you."
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Suddenly Heath remembered a conversation that Tony had with him once about Brad and how protective he was of his friends. 'Maybe he worried about Alex and Tony and just wants to get to know me?' Heath thought to himself.
"Nothing...I mean Justin goes off to college, then suddenly out of nowhere you appear. And now that Justin's not in the picture you've suddenly latched on to Alex and Tony...I mean their flying you here from New York."
"You son of a bitch...Fuck you."
"Hey, I just want to know if you and Justin were real or if you were just playing him and now trying to play Tony and Alex, who by the way aren't gay."
"You...Asshole! You want real?" Heath said as he reached into his shirt and pulled out his necklace. "Is this real enough for you?" he said as he showed him the ring Justin gave him, then walked away.
"Well, are you going to answer me?" she said. "The person kissing and hugging Justin in these pictures is the same person that gave me his Journal," she said as she picked up the pictures and pointed to Heath. "And what the hell do these pictures mean?" she said as she sorted through the pictures, then squatted down and picked up the book. "And why does he have Justin's Journal and what is in it?"
"Who gave you Justin's Journal, Mom?" Alex asked.
"The young man in the pictures, he came here earlier when it was raining. Alex, sweetie," Meredith asked as she walked over to Alex and gently touched his face. "Please... Who is he?" she said quietly. Alex looked over at Tony with his mouth open.
"Please? Tony?" Meredith said as she now turned to face Tony. "You know him, don't you? You both know him, don't you?"
Slowly, they both nodded yes, Alex was already crying and Tony could feel the tears welling up in his eyes as Meredith spoke. "He told me his name, but I can't remember?"
"His name is Heath," Tony said quietly.
"Who is he?" Meredith asked quietly as she covered her mouth as she now started sensing she knew the answer.
At that point Alex, still crying, turned around and started to walk towards the door. At that point Tony started to leave too. Before Tony could join Alex at the door, Meredith reached for Tony's hand, now begging him, "Please, who is Heath, and what's in this Journal?"
"We can't..." Tony said as he wiped his eyes. "The only people who can tell you who Heath is, and what is in that Journal is Heath and Justin," Tony said as he reached for Meredith's hand that held the Journal and held it. "Alex and I have never read it," he said, kissing her on the forehead, then turning to catch up to Alex as they both walked out of the house. They left her to find out the truth from the only person who could tell her, her son.
'What an asshole,' Heath thought as he started walking down the street that he only knew about through the tales that Justin had told. Now he saw why Alex and Tony weren't in such a rush to introduce Brad to him. For the past few months he had been reading about Brad and how much Justin really loved him. And he was kind of falling for Brad himself, well, the Brad that was in the Journal. Heath thought about the first time that he met Tony; he was so scared his jock boyfriend wanted to introduce his straight jock friend to him. Heath wanted to make a good impression on Tony. Justin told him about how close he and Tony were, and at that point Heath wanted everything to be perfect. While Justin went to pick Tony up at the airport, Heath cooked dinner. Once they arrived Heath was so nervous he thought he would piss himself.
"Tony, I would like you to meet my boyfriend, Heath." As Tony walked over to Heath, he became a bit nervous until Tony hugged Heath and told him, "Thank you."
"For what?" Heath asked with a tense smile.
"For making Justin happy," Tony said, grinning from ear to ear, and from then on Tony was in Heath's corner just as all of Justin's close friends would end up.
Out of all of Justin's close friends Tony was the gentle giant, while Alex along with Alisa on the other hand were the sparkplugs. And those two came as a package. About a week after losing Justin, Tony stopped by to check on Heath, because Heath was not returning anyone's calls. Tony was scared that Heath might do something stupid, so he brought along some friends. Heath had never met Alex or Alisa in person, he only talked to them on the phone a few times before Justin died, he would soon come to realize that Justin had some very special friends.
"Heath...Heath, I know you're home," Tony shouted while knocking on the door.
"Go away!" Heath's groggy voice came through the door.
"Heath, open the door, it's me, buddy, Tony," Tony again shouted.
"Go away," they all heard but this time not as loud.
"Heath, sweetie, it's us, Alisa, Alex, and Tony," Alisa said, thinking that maybe she could break through to him.
"I said go away." Again they heard Heath's voice but this time it sounded weaker.
"Heath, if you don't open the goddamn door, we're coming in," Tony shouted, now even more worried.
"Stand back, Bro", Alex said as he gently moved Tony and Alisa out of the way. "Alex, wait!" Tony shouted but it was too late. Alex, with one kick, kicked the door in.
"You know you didn't have to do that," Tony said looking shocked
"Why?" Alex asked
"Because, I have a key," Tony said as he pulled the key out of his pocket with a smirk.
"Now you tell me," Alex said as they rushed in and found Heath lying unconscious on the bathroom floor.
"Oh no, not again!" Tony shouted.
"Heath..."
"Heath..."
"Heath..."
"Heath, Oh my god, what are you doing here?" Alisa said as she ran over to Heath and jumped into his arms, almost knocking him over in the middle of the street.
"Well, Tony and Alex flew into New York and kidnapped me and brought me here, thinking it would do me good to get out and hang out with friends."
"Well, I'm glad they did that, I'm so happy you're here. I so was worried about you since the last time we talked," Alisa said, gleaming as she held one of her good friend's hands as they walked down the street.
"I know, I could tell after you started calling me everyday since about a month ago. Alex, Tony, and you have been so good to me since Justin died," Heath said as he smiled back at her.
"Heath, it has been a few months and I know you were upset about not being able to come to the funeral...but...".
"Look, Alisa, yes, I was upset not being able to attend my fiancé's funeral, but you guys were right. I don't think I could have handled it very well. I'm having a real tough time being in this town right now, and this is a few months after the funeral. I don't know how the hell I would have been able to handle it then, I mean everything reminds me of him, he told me so many stories about this place and you guys, it's like I grew up here too."
"Well, take heart in knowing you are not the only one who is dealing with that, remember, all of the people in this town were Justin's friends and grew up with him," Alisa said, smiling as she reached for Heath's hand.
"All of his friends are being real nice to me, once Tony and Alex tell them that I was Justin's roommate, well, most were, up until today."
"What, who gave you a problem? I'll kick their ass!"
"Well, I really don't want to get you upset, and please don't be too mad, but I don't think your boyfriend likes me too much," Heath said, frowning.
"WHAT...I"LL KILL HIM!!!" Alisa shouted loud enough to stop traffic, with a look that would kill.
"Tone...why would Heath give Mom Justin's Journal, it doesn't make sense. He was a wreck before he started reading that Journal," Alex asked as the two of them walked to their cars.
"Trust me, I know, Alex. You don't think he...Naaa, he wouldn't try that stunt again."
"What stunt?"
"You don't think he would do anything stupid, do you?" Tony asked Alex as they both looked at each other. Suddenly Tony reached for his cell phone and dialed his house.
"Mom, Hi, I'm fine. Is Heath there?...No...Do you know where he went?...No...Ok, if he comes in, please tell him to call me, it's important...Ok, I love you too...Bye."
"Shit, he's not there. Wait a sec; I think I know where he might be," said Tony, looking worried.
"If you're thinking where I'm thinking, let's go," Alex said as they jumped into their cars. Thinking the worst, they rushed off to find their missing friend, hoping that they were not too late and had not lost another close friend. At the same time, Meredith sat down and slowly opened Justin's Journal, knowing that she already knew the answers to her questions.
"No!!!" I shouted out as I suddenly woke up in a cold sweat.
This is the fifth time in two days that I have woken up to that dream. The dream which has haunted me for the past 3 weeks, the dream in which I have lost everything because I tried to live the life I wanted, with the man I loved, but as in real life things never work out. As I run my hand through my hair and rub my beard, I remember all of the events that have happened since that day. I still can not forget the days after the tragedy. What started out as a few days of trying to help out a few people became more than that. It turned into the most painful and rewarding thing I have ever done. Seeing all of the death and loss suffered by the thousands of families was the most painful. Then looking in the eyes of all of the families that were torn apart, and then fearing that my love would never attain that type of closeness, made me feel that it was a farce. I felt that I would never have the type of family that would ever be accepted and loved by others.
Copyright 2001, Alex Nelson