Author Alex Nelson Title Broken Facades Chapter 30 Lost Justin
Suddenly I was floating above a space...it looked as though the surface was hard, but I couldn't tell you what it actually was. I could see my body surrounded by people. The people looked familiar to me...I couldn't put names to them, though. Did I know them? What were they saying? I saw some flashing lights...a vehicle pulling up near them... What's going on here?
Brad
"13 and...14 and...15and... Breathe and Breathe. 1 and ... 2 and... 3 and...4..." I started counting again. It had been 5 minutes since I started CPR, his pulse started then stopped again. Where the hell are the EMT's? I asked myself.
"They're here...they're here!" Alisa and Kate shouted.
Alisa, Kate, Alex and Tony stepped back as the EMT's and police came closer and took over.
"Ok son, we'll take it from here...its ok," one of the EMT's said to me as he gently reached for my hands and pulled me off of Justin to make room for the other 2 EMT's, who quickly went to work on Justin.
"What's your name?"
"Brad."
"Hello, Brad. My name is Chase, what's your friend's name?"
"Justin."
"Cool, and how old are you, 17 too?" I nodded and wiped my eyes.
"Well you did a great job. Brad. You kept your friend alive. You're a hero, buddy," he said. "Now tell me what happened." Alex, Tony, Kate and Alisa rushed over.
"Justin took some sleeping pills and locked himself in the garage with his car on...he tried to kill himself."
"Here's the bottle." Alex said as he handed the bottle to Chase.
"How long did you do CPR?"
"I started it about 6 minutes ago."
"You did a great job," he said as he smiled and turned around.
"Hey! That's it? What about Justin?" Tony asked as the policeman tried to hold him back. "Tell us what's going on!" he shouted.
Suddenly I heard, "He's crashed again! Okay, lets shock him and get him ready for transport."
"What's happening What are you doing?" Alex asked as he rushed past the officer, only to be held by Chase.
"Easy buddy," he said, trying to calm Alex down "We only lost his pulse, just stand here and don't move. I'll be right back." Chase turned around to help the other three EMT's with Justin.
"What's going on?" Alisa asked as she and Tony broke away from the police officer and ran and over to the stretcher
"CLEAR!" they shouted, and Chase stepped away.
"Chase, what's happening?" I asked as they started to move Justin to the ambulance. One of the EMT's jumped on top of the stretcher and started CPR again, then they shocked Justin again.
"His heart stopped again and we have to get him to the hospital."
"I got a pulse..."
"Great! Lets move!"
"I'm coming with you," I said
"Me too," Alex said as Tony said to count him in too, followed by the girls.
"Whoa, I'm not suppose to take anyone but family...but I'll make an exception and take only one of you. So whoever's going better hop in, 'cause this train is leaving"
Kate
"I'll go, you guys stay and wait," Brad said, and entered the ambulance. At the same moment Justin's Mom and Dad's car pulled up as the door was closed and the ambulance took off.
"Oh My god! Where is Justin, where's my baby?" Justin's mom cried. She looked as if she was about to run after the ambulance, but Justin's dad grabbed her and pulled her into his arms. As he did she broke down crying.
"Does anyone know what happened?" Justin's dad asked
"Justin...took a bottle of sleeping pill, then locked him self in the garage," Alex said
"My god...Alex why?" he asked.
Alex just looked down at his feet and said he didn't know. Alisa walked over to Alex and hugged him around his waist. "We don't know." Alisa said as she looked at Tony and me.
"What? He tried ..." Tony started to say before I reaching out and grabbed his hand, cutting him off by saying "We don't know. He's been a bit withdrawn and Alex, Alisa and Brad haven't talked to him for a while."
"I'm going to turn off that fucking music and that damned car," Tony said as he walked away frustrated.
"Steven, please take me to my baby," Justin's mom said to her husband. He nodded then, looked to Alex, Alisa and I.
"We'll catch up to you at the hospital, poppa," Alisa said as she hugged them. Alex and I did the same, and I gave them kisses.
Brad
"Shit, what did this kid take?"
"What? What's happening?"
"We lost Him again! Damn it!"
"Brad, I'll need you to sit there," Chase said as he pointed to the very back of the ambulance, which looked like an uncomfortable place to be sitting. At the moment, I didn't even care. My best friend was in cardiac arrest and the medics had already tried unsuccessfully three times to revive him. I was already in hysterics when the attendant fired up the crash cart for a fourth time. Fearing that this was the end, I panicked.
"CLEAR!!" the medic shouted as he put the paddles to Justin's chest and pulled the trigger. Justin's body convulsed in the electric shock. then relaxed. No movement. It had to be just a few seconds, but the silence in that cabin seemed to last an eternity.
I started to cry and I kept calling out, "Fight, Justin! Fight back! Come on, man ... you can do this!"
Tony
"Guys, what the hell ... why did you cut me off? Justin thinks he's gay. If his parents knew they might be able to help him change back," I said as I walked back to Alisa, Kate and Alex.
"God you're an asshole. You can't turn gay," Alex said with a snarl.
"Fuck you, Alex! Justin isn't gay. He doesn't act gay, he doesn't have a lisp or walk funny. He's just confused. Besides, he plays football. Fags don't play football."
"You have to be the dumbest, most ignorant person I ever met. Alisa, lets get out of here." Alex said as he grabbed Alisa's arm to walk away.
"Wait Alex, Tony. Telling Justin's parents might be to much of a shock for them right now. If his parents know and jump all over Justin when he wakes up he may try again," Alisa said to me
"Sweetheart, I agree with Alisa. Justin is gay, baby. You don't turn gay, you're born that way. I know you ran away when you heard what I said and never heard the full story. How many times do you think Justin and I slept together?
"I really don't know, you know how guys talk shit. Justin and I really never talked about it but he always was talking about you and how much he loved you, so I thought you and him slept together a few times."
"Well it was once and only once, Tony," she said.
"Bullshit! You had to have done it more times. How does that prove Justin's gay anyhow?"
"Because he called me Brad after we finished. He wasn't thinking about me, he was thinking about Brad. I knew something was different since the 9th grade telling me, but after that I finally knew."
"I didn't know," I said looking down, "But he can't be! I don't understand."
"We're not asking you to understand Justin, only to still be his friend." Alisa said.
"He's the same guy, your friend who you thought was the best quarterback, the same person you tried so hard to befriend over the past few weeks, I think that's why he never let you in, because he thought you's hate him," Kate said to me.
"But everyone keeps telling me that gay people are sick and are going to hell." I could feel my eyes welling up with tears.
"They're not sick or going to hell," Alisa said. "I don't think people go to hell for loving someone." She reached out and took my hand.
"He's still Justin the same stubborn, pain in the neck asshole that you've known Now you can just add that he's also gay," Alex said as he walked over to me and put his hand on my shoulder and smiled.
I turned and nodded my head and tried to smile. "Ok, I won't say anything."
"Thanks baby," Kate said as she kissed me.
Brad
When we reached the emergency entrance to the hospital and got out of the ambulance we were suddenly swarmed by hospital personnel, who took over Justin's care from the EMT's. Only Chase followed him in, then a doctor hurried over to Chase. "Ok what have we got?"
"17 year old white male. Likely alcohol, carbon monoxide, barbiturates poisoning. "He took a Bottle of sleeping pills with bottle of vodka, then locked himself inside a running car in the garage."
"Ouch! This kid really wanted to go." The doctor interrupted a nurse, "When he wakes up I want Psyche ready and waiting."
"When we arrived on scene the victim was unconscious, wasn't breathing and had a weak pulse. One of his friends was administering CPR. We took over and got the victim breathing and thought we had him stabilized, but he crashed. We've had to jump start him three times now, but I think we regained him in the ambulance."
"Thanks Chase, we'll take over from here." The doctor yelled to his team, "Let'ss get him into examining 6, and I want at me a stomach pump started ... Oh, crap! He's crashing again! Lets move, people! C'mon, MOVE IT, we lost him again."
"Brad man, you did a great job," Chase said. "The CPR you were doing is what kept him alive long enough to get the doctors to try to save him. You were breathing for him and kept his heart pumping. No matter what happens you're a hero buddy, no matter what," he said as he put his hand on my shoulder, then trotted after Justin.
I sure didn't feel like a hero. I walked slowly over to a chair, where I sat down to wait for the guys and Justin's parents.
Just then Justin's Mom and Dad came running in, frantic.
"Bear, where's Justin, where's my baby? " his mother cried as she looked desperately around the area.
"Easy folks," said a nurse who had rushed over to them.
"Easy my ass! Where's my son!"
"Mr. Kemper, the Doctor will be out in a moment. He's working on your son right now."
"Brad, what the hell is going on?" he asked
He ... he tried to ... Justin tried to k-ki-k-kill himself!" I sputtered.
Mrs. Kemper promptly doubled over and vomited onto the floor, then she passed out.
Kate
"Where is he? What happened? Have you heard anything? Is he..." I asked as we came running into the hospital.
"Hey, hey, HEY!!" Brad shouted, "I can only handle one question at a time here!"
Mr. Kemper pulled back slightly and gathered his bearings, then followed the nurses as they took Mrs. Kemper to a room. Five minutes later he was back. "Okay...what happened?"
I answered, "We went to your house because we were worried about Justin. He's been really down lately and we were worried about him. When we got there he was in the garage with the car running and the doors pulled down."
"Oh, no," Mr. Kemper said weakly.
"It took a moment to open the door, but when we did, we found him passed out over the steering wheel of the car," Alex said.
"Then when we pulled him out," Tony said, just barely able to talk, "we saw an empty bottle of vodka and..." he started crying, "an empty bottle of sleeping pills."
"WHAT?" Justin's dad roared. "Why would he do such a thing? He's not THAT stupid!"
"Excuse me?" a voice interrupted. We all turned to face one of the doctors, dressed in surgical scrubs. "I'm Dr. Garrett. Are any of you part of Justin Kemper's family?"
"Yes, I'm his father" Mr. Kemper said quickly, "and these are his friends. How is he?"
"Please follow me, Mr. Kemper. We need some medical history right now. Is Justin's mother with you?"
Justin's Dad looked very shaky. "Yes, they're trying to calm her down in that room over there," he said pointing at where they'd taken his wife.
"Fine, we can talk in there." He smiled at the five of us, "I'm glad to see that Justin has friends. Will you all try to calm down? It's going to be a while before we know anything. Would you sit down please?" The doctor motioned to the chairs. We all sat down at the same time. I could feel the nervous tension in the room.
Tony was already crying openly. Alex sniffled and began weeping silently, followed shortly by Alisa and Brad. They were trying to comfort each other so I concentrated on Tony. I was crying myself before I got my arms around him. This situation was too sad and unnecessary. Justin's three oldest and best friends were there weeping. How many of their tears were for Justin and how many were because they were feeling sorry for themselves I couldn't know, but those three were the main reason Justin was in there to begin with. They had shut him out just when he needed them most, needed their forgiveness, needed them to celebrate his amazing football season with him.
I decided while sitting there that I didn't need friends like that. When this was all over I wanted to distance myself from them. It's strange, but Tony was the only one of the bunch who had learned anything and tried to change himself. He was the one who bothered to take a look at who he was and didn't like what he saw. He was the one who had made a sincere effort to be a better person, to grow, and that was the reason I could love him as much as I did. He had his rough edges, but they only seemed to make him sweeter when you took the time to figure him out.
If Justin died, if there was an afterlife, he'd have to enter it thinking that the people he cared the most for hated him. I hoped he'd think better of Tony. At least he'd been seeking Justin's friendship and his motives were real. He liked and admired Justin. He'd get past the gay thing, the homophobia. He'd learn what was what and put that part behind himself like he'd done with so many other things over the past few months.
Time was dragging while we sat there. The tears eventually dried up and a curious boredom set in. I dozed off a few times. Alex was pacing around while Brad and Alisa just hugged each other and stared at nothing. Tony and I got up to find bathrooms. When we got back Justin's parents were just leaving the doctor and walking towards the others.
They sat in chairs with looks of desolation on their faces. When we got to the others Alex had just asked, "Now what?"
Justin's father looked at the floor. "Now we wait." He almost choked on a sob, "They're still working on him. He's a mess."
We all sat back down. It was another hour when Dr. Garrett came back out. He pulled up a chair with its back facing us and straddled it.
"Folks, here's the situation. Justin has gone into cardiac arrest three times since he got here. Add that to three times that the EMT's had to revive him before he arrived. His body is full of poisons." He dropped his eyes for a moment, then took a breath and looked at Justin's parents. "I don't want to give you people false hope. Justin's chances of making it through the night are not very good." He shook his head quickly, enough to put his hair out of place, "I promise that we'll do what we can, but there's been a lot of trauma to his body and it doesn't look good."
"Oh, GOD!!" "It can't be!" "My son!!" Justin's mother cried, as his father gathered her into his arms.
The doctor continued, "Um, folks. I know how horrible this is for you, but there's a way to let Justin live on." They looked up at him hopefully, "Justin seems to be a strong and healthy boy. If you sign a release his organs can help others live, and in a way that will let him live on."
Tony
It was emotionally horrible for everyone. We all wanted to stay with Justin, but the hospital staff finally convinced us that our presence could serve no purpose. They had a room that Justin's parents could stay in and they had left for it. We filed out of there slowly and sadly. When we got to the street people offered Kate and me rides home, but we didn't live far so we decided to walk.
It was hard for us to talk, so we didn't. When we got to Kate's house we didn't even hug, just stared at each other for a few seconds with tears in our eyes. I finally said in a shaky voice, "Kate, I don't know what to say. This is so sad. Justin's gonna die thinking I hate him for being gay. You know what?" My tear dam finally burst and I started crying freely, choking out my words. "It doesn't matter!" I pulled her into a hug and soaked her hair and shoulder with my tears. "It doesn't freakin' matter if he's gay. Oh God, he'll never hear me say that." I let her go. I was shaking and wanted to be somewhere else. "Kate, I love you. I just need to be alone right now."
"Tony ..."
I shook my head, "I ain't gonna do anything. I need to think." I tried to smile, "I do love you, we'll be okay. Just let me go now."
She pulled me to her in a quick hug and gave me a kiss on the forehead. "Okay Tony, I suppose we all have private thoughts now. Call me in the morning, okay?"
I sniffed and nodded, unable to speak. I watched her go into her house, then started towards my own. I hadn't taken ten steps when I whirled around and ran back to the hospital. Justin might be dying, but I was fucked if he was going to die alone.
Brad
"Brad, baby it is not your fault," Alisa said on the phone
"Bro it isn't" Alex also said
The three of us were talking on the phone, that god for three-way phone system, "I know in my head, but in my heart I feel it is my fault. God I was so angry at him, the pain I thought no reason in the world would be good enough for me to forgive him, now I just want him back...even if it is just to yell at him. To tell him how stupid it was of him to try this..."
"I know what you mean, Bear...I want him back too...I want a chance to take back what I said to him ...god and now he's gone." Alex said as he started crying again.
"Don't say that...mom said that Justin is strong and will pull through...he will not die, he's too stubborn." Alisa said with a laugh.
"Yea I know...remember when we were little how he always wanted to teach us how to do things after he learned how to do it and had to do everything first and try everything first..." I said thinking back
"God he would through a fit if I ever tried something without him there it tell me how to do it better or go farther..." Alex said not laughing.
"Guys, I don't want to be alone, do you want to come over and just talk about Justin, maybe he'll hear us and get better." Alisa asked
"Say no more fair maiden your knights are on their way." Alex said as I started to laugh
"I'm out the door right now. See you in a few." I suddenly had a strange feeling of calm
Tony
God the security here is tighter than a virgin on prom night I though to myself I almost got caught twice already. Shit what is the president in here...I have to find out what room he is in. I can only guess that he should be in the ICU by now. I was trying to make my way to the emergency area...maybe I could find out something. Sudden the door opened up and I ducked into a room just as two doctors stopped in front of the empty room I was standing in.
"Ok have we finally gotten all of the past hours traumas out and into rooms?"
"Yea the Kemper kid was the last he just got out or the OR again...man that kid really wanted to check out big time?"
"I know I feel real sorry for the family, if he can make it through the night...he may have a chance, but I don't think it will happen...what room did they wheel him into?"
"315A...he is the only one in there we have him hooked up to everything you can name. This is going to be the only check that I will have to do for the night because of the equipment he's hooked up to. I'm on my way now for the first check...it is going to be a long night."
315A...got it just my luck. I waited about 15 minutes then made my way to the staircase and up to Justin's floor and went looking for 315 thank goodness it was near the stairs and away from the nurse station...most all of the light were low so the end of the hall was dark. I took a deep breath and then opened the door.
"Oh my God Justin." I said as I walked over to him he had a tube in his mouth and all of these wires coming out of his body. I wanted to scream. I caught myself and gently rubbed his arm it was so cold. The redness that was always in his cheeks were also gone I reached for his hand.
"Justin, don't die on me man...if you live I promise no one will ever hurt you again I swear it on my life. Just get better Bro...please." I said as I let go of his hand and walked out of the room to set up watch in the hall.