Chapter 10 Tell Me Your Secrets
Meredith
As I sat in the kitchen reading Justin's reviews and college letters the words 'with an almost reckless abandonment' and '150% effort' appeared on almost every letter from the coaches and teachers. I remember all of his teachers that I talked to saying the same thing about him.
About three years earlier was when I started noticing the change in him. At football games he played with so much heart and determination, it often seemed as though he did not care what was happening to his body as long as he got the play to work. Then a year and a half later the workouts started along with the other sports Wrestling, Track, Basketball, and any other sport or activity that would push his body physically. I tried to talk to him about it but he just said it he was going to get a scholarship he had to push himself hard. I told him he didn't need a scholarship to go to school. that his college was already paid for.
"Mom, I need to do this please...I cant live off of you and dad forever," she remembers her son saying with a smile.
But the workout soon became more and more intense, like when he lost his first varsity football game as a starter his sophomore year. He came home and locked himself in his room for three hours, then worked out and then went running for another three. I tried talking to him, but he would not talk to me. I asked his father to talk to him, but he said he did not see anything wrong.
Soon it became the norm. Whenever something went wrong ... if he didn't get an A, even though he never got anything but A's and B's, banishment then workout. If he didn't think he played well, even though he is the number 1 quarterback in the state with only 3 losses in 3 years, and has broken every record in the state, banishment then workout. I went so far as to ask his coach to intervene. Even he told me that he had noticed how Justin was working himself and said he would say something, but it didn't last.
Suddenly she heard the front door open, then a voice called out. " Marr!"
"I'm in the kitchen..." I answered, coming out of my trance. "Shit...shit..." I said as I started quickly putting away all of the papers.
" Hi sweet..." suddenly he stopped. " Oh no... Marr, what's wrong? Is Justin ok? Did he hurt himself?" he asked.
" No....nothing is wrong with Justin....I... "
"Honey, when you start pulling out the letters and other mementos of Justin's. then something has happened." he said, kissing me on the forehead.
"Steven...he's doing it again... I'm scared and ...and Alisa called."
"Wow1 That's great. See? I told you it would only be a matter of time."
"I know. That's what we all said, but three years...some times I wonder. Just because the kids were not getting along, why weren't we...I mean did we all become friends because of our kids or because we like each other?" I asked him as he started to hug me.
"Marr, remember me, you, Marc, Helen, Winston, Alison, Jason and Sara all agreed that the kids would come around some time and that we would not push the issue," He said, kissing me again on the head. " Besides, remember how the kids felt....it was weird for them see each others' parents and no kids....plus all of us became busy with work."
"I know. I just miss everyone."
"Well you could call and say hi."
"I know," I said, hugging him back.
"Well how did Just take it?"
" That is why I am upset. He's still in his room, and has been for about two hours." Suddenly we heard the front open and slam shut. We both rushed into the living room only to see Justin take off running.
Alisa
I wondered where Justin was, why wasn't he home? Dammit, I was still pissed at him, but I was also now worried about him. I still can't believe that he started the rumor about Brad. Why would Justin start such a thing? I wondered if that was why he stopped hanging with us. Because Justin found out? I had so many questions. Suddenly the phone rang.
"Hello?"
"Well what's your answer?"
" My answer?...who the hell is this?"
"How could you not know who this is? It's me, Blake, and I need your answer NOW! But I already know what your answer is, so tomorrow after school I'll take you to pick up your gown. I've already picked out the perfect ..."
" Blake who the hell do you think you are? THE ANSWER IS NO...HELL NO."
"WHAT? How dare you turn ME down? Do you know how many girls I could have asked?"
"Well then you should not have any problem finding a date."
"You bitch! I...I ...you're going to have fun trying to find someone to go with you, because after I'm finished with you NO ONE I mean NO ONE is going to want to go with you."
"Why you arrogant prick! For you information, I ... I already have a date."
"You're lying."
" I am not. He asked me today."
" Bullshit! Who is this imaginary person?"
" Well I'll be sure to tell JUSTIN KEMPER that you think he's an imaginary person. Then I'll watch as he kicks your conceited, stuck-up, self-important, snobbish ass. GOODBYE!"
"YOU'RE SUCH A BITCH..." was all he could get out of his mouth before I hung up the phone.
Just then my mother walked into my room with a smile on her face. "You haven't asked Justin yet, have you? " she asked with a smile
Alex
"What do you mean you're not gay?"
" I'm not gay."
"How...then why the hell does everyone at school think are?"
"That, my friend, is the million dollar question."
Silence. I couldn't talk. For three years I hadn't talked to him. Why? Because I was afraid that if I hung out with him people would think I was gay.
"Hello? Hello"" I suddenly heard as I was brought back into reality.
" Brad. I am such a prick. I'm so sorry."
"Alex, you have nothing to be sorry about. I knew you were going through some heavy shit at the time."
"Yea, but that's no excuse to have turned my back on you. I was suppose to be there for you."
"Man don't worry about it...it's over now and know you know the truth. I should have done this a long time ago, but after I tried to tell Justin the truth before he heard the rumor he...he...."
"What? What did Justin do?"
"Don't worry about it."
"No Brad. What did Justin do?"
"Well, he yelled at me and said 'get away from me you ...you...fag.' I wanted to tell you, but I thought you would have done the same thing. I though I lost him and you guys. I thought my life was over."
"Is that why you never stood up for yourself?"
"Yes...at first, right after I thought I lost you guys I wanted my life to end. I hated myself because even though I was not gay, people thought I was because of how I looked or how I acted. I wanted to kill myself and at one time tried."
"Oh god, Brad ...I didn't know."
"It's ok. That was a while ago when I started to not care about myself. Then after a few months I became angry. I was mad as hell because I let people's fears and perceptions of me get the better of me. I started to think about the many great things I had going for myself. I had great grades. There are only two people with better grades than me."
I said, as I started to laugh, " Justin and Alisa. I was going to get into any school I wanted to and finally escape this hell hole and start fresh. I had great parents, so I finally said fuck it and fuck everyone and what they think about me."
"Well don't get to excited about your grades, because you may have someone leap frog you this term," I said with a laugh.
"Yea, we'll see about that." He laughed.
"I'm happy that at least you've worked out your problems, but Brad you should have taken the risk. You could have told me the truth, and then we could have stood up to everyone. Then at least you wouldn't have had all these pricks messing with you."
" I know, I know... I should have stood up and told the truth, but remember I thought I had lost my best friends. I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I'm just saying you should have said something. I really shouldn't talk, though. I should have had the balls to ask if you were....I shouldn't have believed it in the first place. Can you forgive me?"
"Of course I can. Friends?"
"Forever. Now we have one more thing to do."
"Oh no, " he said. "And what, Alex, is that?"
"All we have to do is find out who started that rumor."
" I hate to ask ...but why?"
"So I can kick their asses."
"I was afraid you'd say that."
"Hey, no one calls my friend a fag."
"Alex, could you not use that word, please?"
"Why, you're not gay, so it shouldn't bother you."
"Well, just because I'm not black doesn't mean I am not offended by the n-word," he said, which brought a puzzled look to my face. "I've seen how the n-word hurts you, and I've seen first hand how the word fag hurts gay people."
Suddenly I understood. "I see what you're talking about. Hate is Hate."
"Thanks, Alex," he said.
"Brad, you know when I walked in that room today and saw those dickheads hitting you, I realized for the first time I how much I missed you, man. And I didn't care if you were gay or not, I just wanted to stop them."
"Thanks man. I don't know what would have happened if you didn't show up when you did."
"I can't imagine what it must have been like for you. That's why I'm going to make whoever started it pay."
"It's ok, man. It's ok. I don't care who started it, and in a few month it will be over."
"Yea...and in a few days it will be over for the person who started that rumor. When I find out." I suddenly pictured beating the shit out of someone.
"I've got a bad feeling about this..." is all he said.
"Be mindful, my young Jedi," is all I could say before we started laughing. God I missed hearing him laugh.
Kate
Where was he? It was 9:30. If he stood me up I'd kill him. I tried to calm myself down by thinking there was probably a good reason for him to be late. I also remembered he wasn't my boyfriend anymore. I tried calling his house.
RING
RING.
"Justin?" his mother answered.
"No, Mrs. Kemper. Hi, it's me Katie." The concern in her voice told me something was wrong. " I was looking for Justin, I take it he's not home."
"No dear. I thought he was calling from your house. He's not there?"
"No ma'ma. I had asked him to come over today during lunch."
"Oh. sweetheart, have you been noticing anything different about him today or in the past few days?"
"Well. he did seem a bit distant today. I don't know about earlier this week or last. Today was the first time in a few days that I talked to him."
"A few day? What are you talking about? Wasn't Justin over your house after football practice all this week and last week?"
"No. Justin hasn't been to my house in a few weeks."
"A few weeks? What, have you two been fighting?"
"Mrs. Kemper ....oh my god I'm sorry. I thought Justin told you. Justin and I aren't dating anymore. We broke up over two months ago."
All I heard was a gasp then silence.
"Hello...Hello... Mrs. Kemper ... Mrs. Kemper are you ok?"
"No, dear. Justin did not tell me."
"I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
"It's ok. How are you doing?"
"I'm doing better. I'm ok now," I said as I felt the tears starting to well up in my eyes.
"Katy, .I have to go now. It's starting to rain and I have to go look for Justin."
"Ok. Please tell him that I called and to call me."
"I will. Take care." With that she hung up the phone.
Where the hell was Justin, and why didn't he tell his mom about our break up...
Brad
CRACK...BOOM
I jumped up with a start. I must have fallen asleep. It was only thunder and lighting. I have always hated thunder and lighting. I rolled over in my bed and looked at my clock:. 11:00PM I got up and started to change out of my clothes. I was standing in front of my mirror in just my boxers. I now got a good look at my bruises. As I turned around and looked out of my window I saw someone standing in the rain. Suddenly there was a flash of lighting and I saw the face.
"Holly Shit" I said as I turned and ran to my night stand to grab my glasses. When I got back to my window he was gone. I must have been seeing things, cause I swear I just saw Justin, Naaa...it couldn't be. I turned around and hopped into bed and started to fall asleep, wondering what's next in my life.
Meredith
I heard the door open and rushed to it only to see my husband. I looked at him and he just shook his head. "I don't know where he could be." he said as he threw his keys down on the counter. "Did you call all of his friends houses?" he asked.
"Yes, all except Alex, Brad and Alisa."
"Well if he was there you know we would be getting a call. The only thing we can do is wait," he said as he held me and kissed the top of my head.
"Well, I'm going to call the police," I said as I pulled away from him and picked up the phone. It's raining, it's getting late and...and..." I could feel the tears starting to well up in my eyes.
"Honey," he said, grabbing me, "Don't. Justin is a big boy and the police cant do anything until the morning anyway. He hasn't run away. I think he's just thinking things out. You know how he is," He said with a smile, still holding me. "Our boy is a good kid and wouldn't do anything stupid. Trust me. It'll be ok." I just nodded, hoping Steven was right.
"I'll go out one more time. Why don't you call Kate and see if he's there?"
"Steven, he broke up with Kate....two months ago. She called."
He just turned around and looked at me shocked, as I was. I then lost it. All of my fears suddenly returned as he walked over to me and held me as he walked me up to our room.
"Where is my baby?" is all I kept saying over and over.
Justin
Where am I?
Knock...Knock
Why am I here?
Knock...Knock
"Just a minute," I heard her say.
Ring...Ring...Ring
"I said just a minute! OH MY GOD JUSTIN," was all I heard as she grabbed me and pulled me into her house
"K...K...Kate...I'm so sorry." I grabbed her and held on to her as I started letting out all of my tears. Crying and crying and crying.
"It's ok baby...shhhh... It's ok baby." she said as she started stroking my hair.
"Hush...it's ok...it's ok ...everything is gonna be ok," she said with a smile.
As I started to calm down I began to think back to the day's events. My thoughts suddenly returned to Brad, walking in on the fight and seeing him and Alex together again. Then watching him change earlier through his window. Suddenly I looked at the person I was holding and it was Brad in my arms. I looked deep into his eyes and it was him. I wondered to myself where Kate was. She was no longer there, but Brad was there in her place. I smiled and gently held his head in my hands and kissed him. Surprisingly he kissed me back. Then I was hit with a wave of passion and lust as I picked him up and walked into his bedroom and started to gently take off his clothes. I had waited all of this time, wanting to explore his body, wanting to feel his body. Suddenly Kate appeared in the room, but it was too late. My eyes may have seen Kate, but my mind saw Brad. I needed inside him and inside now. Three years of wanting and the need to be close could no longer be denied, and it wouldn't be.
"Make love to me Justin. Please make love to me," is all I heard him saying to me, then calling my name as I made love to him, all of my dreams coming to fold. I was in heaven. Totally in heaven.
Kate
"Justin, I love you," I said to him, looking right into his eyes. He was looking at me as though he saw right into my soul.
"I love you more than life itself, Brad," He said as he starts to cry again.
"I know Justin...shhh...I know baby...shhh...I know..." I said with both a smile and tears as he fell asleep in my arms.