All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2006
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BOOK NINE
"A NEW HEAVEN AND A NEW EARTH"
Chapter Ninety-four
"Where do you start?
How do you separate the present from the past?
How do you deal with all the things you thought would last
That didn't last?
With bits of mem'ries scattered here and there,
I look around and don't know where to start.
Which books are yours?
Which tapes and dreams belong to you and which are mine?
Our lives are tangled like the branches of a vine
That intertwine.
So many habits that we'll have to break
And yesterdays we'll have to take apart.
One day, there'll be a song
Or something in the air again
To catch me by surprise
And you'll be there again
A moment in -
What might have been....
Where do you start?
Do you allow yourself a little time to cry,
Or do you close your eyes and kiss it all goodbye?
I guess you try.
And though I don't know where and don't know when
I'll find myself in love again
I promise there will always be
A little place no one will see:
A tiny part deep in my heart
That stays in love with you."
written by Alan and Marilyn Bergman
copyright 1987
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Billy was quiet on his trip home from the jail with Chris. A fifteen-year-old's mind, sometimes, has difficulty in understanding why things can't be as they should be. Chuck Brindley had all but spurned and not accepted Billy's attempt at forgiveness and the 'why' remained a mystery. Chris could see the troubled look on Billy's face as Chris drove Billy back to his house.
"You did a brave thing, Billy. I'm very proud of you, as I'm sure your two dads are," Chris said, trying to console Billy.
"But, Father Chris, all he had to do was say, 'Thanks. I accept your forgiveness'."
"I'm sure Chuck wanted to, Billy...but sometimes, remorse can't be expressed when it's hindered by so much hate...hate that was place in Chuck by other people, environment, social pressure. We don't know the reason. I'm sure that God knows and He saw what you were doing and perhaps, He'll find a way to touch Chuck's heart. Ninety-nine people out of a hundred would never attempt to forgive someone of a crime, so heinous, as the one Chuck committed on Jake. You, my dear fellow, are that one percent exception."
"He DID say he'd think it over for a day or two," Billy replied, somewhat elated. "I'll talk it over with Daddy Roger and Daddy Cliff and see if we can come up with a new and different approach the next time I visit Chuck."
"Sure, with your three brains and hearts, there's gotta be a way."
"Father Chris?"
"Yes, son."
"I'm really sorry about Dr. Ed."
"Thanks, Billy. I miss him a lot, but the things he left in his medical legacy will live for centuries to come."
"I've thought a lot lately about becoming a doctor."
"Billy, that would be fantastic. Fifty-percent of being a good doctor is having a bedside manner...and THAT you have already."
"Whoa! What does going to bed have to do with being a good doctor?"
"A bedside manner is something both of your dads have...the ability to sit by a person's bedside, hold his hand, listen to him, attend to his needs. It's an extreme way of caring. What you did a few minutes ago, talking to Chuck, was showing YOUR bedside manner."
"Oh! Daddy Cliff does a lot of that when he visits members of his congregation. You do too, don't you?"
"Yes, although my trip to Europe with Ed has slackened my visitation, but I'll get caught up."
"Can I tell you a secret?"
"Billy, tell me any secret...anytime."
"Well, my dads thought I was asleep and I overheard them talking about taking me on a vacation...just the three of us. Daddy Cliff is gonna ask you to take over his role at St. Genesius while we're gone. When Daddy Cliff mentions it to you, act surprised! Will you?"
"Of course. I won't let on you said a word about it. Where are they going to take you?"
"I heard them say that I would choose the place."
"And have you chosen one, yet? A tour of Europe would be wonderful, as well as educational for you."
"I'm not sure I'm brave enough to fly across the Atlantic Ocean. I mean, if something happens to the plane, there are no pontoons, or whatever they're called, under the wings of a '747'. If the plane falls, you sink."
"In your lifetime, how many planes have you heard about sinking into the Atlantic Ocean?"
"It only takes the first one...the one that I'm on!"
Chris laughed. "Then, where would you go?"
"Well, they haven't mentioned the vacation to me yet, but I think I'd really like to go see Father Jeff and Johnny up in New Hampshire."
"Wow! What a great trip that would be for all three of you!"
"I know. That's what I've been thinking."
Chris and Billy arrived at the Cole estate. Chris stayed while Billy told his dads about his conversation with Chuck. Little did they know that in less than eight hours, Chuck would have committed suicide in the Briarwood Jail. Cliff asked Chris to stay for dinner. Jay had seen a new recipe for buffalo on the Food Network Channel and was dying to prepare it that evening. Chris bowed out from the buffalo and Roger told Chris if he couldn't make it through the night in the 'empty' house, that there were plenty of unused bedrooms at his and Cliff's house to accommodate him. Chris thanked Roger and said he would keep the offer in mind. Cliff walked Chris back to his car.
"Chris, thanks for taking Billy to see Chuck," Cliff said.
"I felt honored to have been asked. I just wish the meeting had been more productive for both Billy AND Chuck," Chris replied.
"I hate to impose on you and ask another favor, but..."
"Cliff, how in hell could you ever impose on me...after all you and Roger did for Ed and me?"
"I had a call from Valerie Danforth. Her son, Will, got home from Iraq a couple of weeks ago. You might remember that Will is engaged to Kathy Huffaker to be married later this fall."
"...and a beautiful wedding couple, they're going to be, Cliff."
"I'm afraid I've been lax on my visiting Will since he returned, but Valerie said he's in pretty bad shape."
"Was he wounded?"
"Not physically, but he's one of those whom Chris Matthews speaks about on 'Hardball', a victim of post-traumatic shock syndrome."
"My God! That's too bad. I've heard that there are literally thousands of Iraqi veterans who have returned home with that disorder."
"Since you are about Will's age and he seemed to like you. I say that in jest because he always went to you for confession, so you probably know more about him than I."
"I recall SOME of his confessions, but nothing really memorable to me."
"I was wondering if you would stop by the Danforth residence and see Valerie and while you're there, maybe you could assess Will for yourself. See if he's ready to come back to mass."
"Sure, I'd be delighted. You know whatever I can do to help you or ANY of our parishioners, I'll do it."
"Thanks, buddy!"
Cliff gave Chris a big hug. Chris got into his car and drove to the Danforth residence. Cliff went back into his house and 'prepared' himself mentally on how to eat Jay's buffalo 'surprise'.
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It was 10:00PM when Hunter and Lee arrived at the Empire State Building. Hunter had learned that the 102nd floor Observatory was now open until 2:00AM. Tickets were a staggering eighteen dollars apiece...staggering to Lee.
"Eighteen bucks to ride an elevator?" Lee exclaimed. "Let's not go!"
"Too late! When I logged onto the website to get the hours they were opened, I bought our tickets online."
"You paid thirty-six dollars?"
"Yep!"
"Heck! That's like a week's supply of groceries in Fort Stockton!"
"Well, in New York, thirty-six dollars is like dinner-for-two at MacDonald's!"
"Good Lord! If I had known New York was THIS expensive, I'd've flipped my coin one more time in the Greyhound bus station!"
"And missed meeting me...and coming to my place to live?"
"No, I'm GLAD I met you, Hunter."
"Well, that's nice to hear! But you don't think meeting me was worth thirty-six bucks? Besides, you got to meet me AND see the Observatory at the Empire State Building."
"Who knows? I might meet Meg Ryan up at the top."
"OR Tom Hanks..."
"Gosh, Hunter, did you see THAT movie?"
"About a dozen times. How about the one that THEY were watching?"
"You mean, 'An Affair To Remember'?"
"Ah, Lee! I see you DID pay close attention. You must be a romantic at heart."
"I don't mean to sound maudlin, Hunter, but when you're raised in a home without love, you latch on to love any way that you can...from a novel, a short story, or a good woman's cry movie."
"Well, I REALLY don't think you're gonna find a movie star at the Observatory. Come on, the elevator's here."
The two rode to the top while they both held their noses and blew air or compress back the air on their eardrums as they climbed to higher elevation. Finally, they were at the top and the doors opened. Lee felt his heart stop in awe at the sight of New York at night. Sure, he had seen natural wonders, but this man-made steel wonder of a city was simply amazing to him.
Hunter grabbed Lee by his elbow and said, "Let's go get a better look, Tom. Meg may just be behind the next corner!" Then, Hunter began to sing, "Our love affair is a wondrous thing...that we'll rejoice in remembering. Our love was born with our first embrace...". As people turned around to see who was singing, Hunter quickly stopped.
"You know, that is the first time I've heard you sing!" Lee said. "You...you're terrific. I KNOW you SAID you could sing...but I had no idea that..."
"Wanna see how well I dance?"
"I do, but not here!" Lee replied.
"All right, but you don't know what you're missing!" Hunter joked.
As the two walked toward the rail of the Observatory, Lee just happened to notice that everyone around them were paired off into couples. The Observatory made him think that this was a lovers' lane for city folk. Some couples were in each other's arms, some were kissing, some were just holding hands, while Lee thought he heard one guy proposing marriage to his girl, and some were just two guys. TWO GUYS? HOLDING HANDS AND KISSING...WITH STRAIGHT COUPLES? How liberal WAS New York. Lee stopped looking at the view of the city and paid all of his attention to the gay couples in disbelief.
"Hunter!" Lee said, in a coarse whisper, "did you see those guys? What they were doing? To EACH OTHER? IN PUBLIC?"
"Ssh. Don't let them hear you. They'll think you're a tourist from Jerry Falwell's Liberty University!"
"But won't they get arrested?"
"Lee, we might be living under a fascist dictator, but it's not against the law to be in love."
"But...they don't seem to be embarrassed of nothing! All the straight couples aren't even bothered by what the gays are doing?"
"Why SHOULD they?"
"Heck, I don't know."
"You know, if you look around, we might be the only two people up here who AREN'T showing signs of affection, outwardly."
"Then we must look odd to them..."
"Probably. Would you like me to hold your hand?"
"Gosh no!"
"Put my arm around you?"
"Oh, no!"
"Then I guess a kiss or a blowjob is out of the question!"
"Ah, that's a corny line if I ever heard one."
"Sorry. OK, forget the blowjob, how about a kiss?"
"I could never kiss you."
"Never?"
"Well, not in public anyway."
"What if 'I' kissed you?"
Lee paused for a moment. "You'd REALLY like that, wouldn't you?"
"Lee, you don't know how much..."
"Hunter, do you have the hots for me?"
"I wouldn't be true to the National Gay Oath if I didn't!"
"There's a National Gay Oath?"
"Sure. We have membership cards...secret code rings...secret handshakes and eyebrow raises. Things straight people aren't aware of."
"I don't know if you're kidding me or not?"
"I WASN'T kidding you about wanting to kiss you."
"If I agree, will you make it a quick one?"
"Faster than the first one I gave you?"
"What?"
"See? I was so quick you didn't even notice it when I kissed you."
"Golly, what a clown you are!"
"That's a compliment. A good actor SHOULD be a clown...one who can smile and hide his sadness and vice-versa. Acting, as in real life, is a matter of wearing masks which suit the occasion. Those who can't put on a mask to hide their true feelings are dull and boring people without many friends."
"Am I dull and boring, Hunter?"
"If you were brave enough to feel the hard on you've given me, you'd know that there's NOTHING dull and boring about you, Lee. You excite me in a way no other guy ever has before...and I can't define the reason for it."
"Hunter, can we walk around that next corner? If there's no one there, I'll let you kiss me one time."
"Can I hold your hand while we walk?"
"Oh, why not? I'll never see any of these people again. They don't know me and I CERTAINLY, don't know them."
"Lee, that's the first rule about being a New Yorker!"
Hunter held out his hand and slowly, Lee took it. They walked around to the next side of the Observatory and NO ONE was there except the two of them.
"Looks all clear!" Lee said.
"Fine! Are you ready?"
"Yes...but, remember...a quick one."
For over twenty-four hours, Hunter had waited for this moment and now, it was here. He would loved to have jumped Lee's bones and had his way with him, people or no people, but he took the moment at a calm pace by grasping Lee's upper arms, gently, and leaning in with his lips to touch Lee's, ever so gently.
The quick kiss was not quick at all. As soon as Lee felt Hunter's warm mouth against his, Lee threw all caution to the wind of the East River and submitted to Hunter's desire. Lee felt Hunter's tongue trying to pry his lips apart. Lee relented and accepted Hunter's tongue into his own mouth. Both guys were shaking while they held their breaths. Finally, they exhaled at the same time and arms went sailing around both their bodies as they clung together to draw the other nearer to him.
When the kiss ended, their cheeks were touching and their mouths were at the other's ear.
"God! I've wanted to do that all day, Lee," Hunter said, breathing heavily.
"I didn't think I wanted you to do that...but since you did...I'm glad."
"Lee, I swear to you. I won't go any further than a kiss. I'll respect your feelings about whether or not you're gay. However, IF and WHEN you decide, you'd like to go a step further...just say the word."
"I...I'm glad my first real kiss was with you. I've never kissed a woman so I have nothing to compare your kiss to."
"Listen, little guy, if it's a woman you want...then I want you to have her. There are no strings attached to your living with me. Hell, if you wanna go out and bring in a street whore and fuck her brains out, I won't be a shitty friend and ask you to leave or move out. I...I just like being around you. I'd be lying if I didn't say I wish it could be more between us, but that will be YOUR decision and YOURS alone."
"Don't you know guys you might bring back to your place to have sex?"
"Loads of them...loads, I don't even know. Just respect MY privacy as I respect yours. OK?"
"OK!"
"Wanna shake on it, pardner?"
"I...I'd rather settle for another quick kiss..."
"Goddamn! I was hoping you'd say that!"
Hunter put his arms around Lee once again and they kissed. No one knows how long they held it. They DID remember that the Observatory closed at 2:00.
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Valerie Danforth welcomed Chris into her mansion and was delighted to see him.
"Father Chris, I did not know you had returned from Europe."
"Yes, Mrs. Danforth, I arrived last night. Father Cliff picked me up at the airport."
"And Father Cliff has you back to work already? That old slave driver! I would imagine you're not over your jet lag yet."
"Actually, it was MY idea to get to work back at the church. I had some business to attend to at Father Cliff's house and as I was leaving, he asked if I might stop in to see Will."
"That is so nice of you. I...Well, Will isn't really up to receiving guests, but since you were or are his priest, I think, or rather should I say, I HOPE your visiting will be good for him. He's been walled up in his room ever since his return from the war."
"Cliff mentioned that you said Will might be suffering from 'PTSS'."
"That was the military doctor's diagnosis when he was released from the army medical center in Germany."
"Has he received any therapy at all, since his return?"
"He saw an army psychiatrist once...about a month ago and when he asked for his next appointment, Will was told it might be as long as six months."
"My Lord! That's ridiculous!"
"Father Chris, it's not about money, as you well know. My husband left me more than financially sound at his death. I could afford any psychiatrist in the country. It's just a matter of convincing Will to seek help. I was hoping that Father Cliff might use some of his wonderful psychology on Will."
"He plans to, Mrs. Danforth. With my being gone to Europe, Father Cliff's duties at St. Genesius were all but doubled...carrying on with his work as well as mine. I... well, Cliff thought that since Will used to say confession to me, perhaps, Will would be more open if 'I' visited him."
"Father Cliff ALWAYS seems to know the right approach to everything. I do love him so! He was such a big help to me when Oscar died."
"Yes ma'am..."
"If you'll follow me up the stairs to Will's bedroom, I'll see if he'll see you."
"Thank you. I'd like that."
Will helped the stately, silver-haired dowager to her feet and put his arm under her elbow to assist her up the long curved staircase. At the top of the stairs was a long hallway leading to various bedrooms. The second room on the left was Will's. Valerie tapped on Will's door and called to him, softly.
"Will?"
No answer.
"Will," she spoke a little louder.
"...yes," Will replied.
"Dear? Father Chris is here and would like to see you. Do you feel like having a visit with him?"
"NO!" Will said, adamantly. Then he paused. "Well, maybe for a few minutes."
"Son, would you like me to come in with Father?"
"No, Mother, just Father Chris, if you don't mind."
"Very well, dear! Father, why don't you go right in? If you need me, I'll be at the end of the hall in my sun parlor."
"Thank you, Mrs. Danforth," Will replied. He turned the doorknob and went into Will's bedroom.
The shades were drawn shut. There wasn't a light on in the room, just the glimmer of the late afternoon sun spilling from beneath the shades on the window.
"Don't trip," Will said. "Wait, and I'll turn on a light beside my bed."
"Thanks, Will."
Will reached over to his side table and clicked on a three-way light on the lowest setting. This provided more light for Chris to approach the bed and get a closer look at his parishioner. Will's face was thin and gaunt. His eyes sockets were dark as if he had suffered a long bout of insomnia. He had about a week's beard growth on his face and Chris noticed the drastic change in the color of Will's hair. His long dark brown locks were filled with streaks of gray. Chris knew that Will was only around twenty-six or twenty-seven years old. Had Chris been in America for the past few months, he would have known that young gray hair was in fashion since Taylor Hicks had won the title of 'American Idol'.
"Pull up a chair, Father, or you can sit on the side of my bed if you like."
"You won't mind if I sit on your bed?"
"Not at all."
Another noticeable change was the tone of Will's voice. Before he went to Iraq, Will had a vibrant and infectious speaking voice, almost as if he was going to break into laughter any moment. But now, Will spoke slowly with deliberation...in almost a flat monotone. Chris had heard mental patients speak this way at the Institute when they were heavily medicated on Haldol or Thorazine. Chris walked over to the bed and sat on the right side, close to the lamp.
"Well, soldier, are you glad to be home?"
"I...I can't say, Father. Sometimes I'm glad and then when I go to sleep and experience a bad dream or a nightmare, I wake up disoriented and feel I should go out on a nightly tour in Iraq."
"You're not sleeping well?"
"Hardly at all."
"Did...did your doctors give you something to help you sleep?"
"Hell, I don't know. There are six or seven bottles of little pills on the night stand and I have no idea what any of them are for...OR what they're supposed to do."
"Would you like me to read the directions on the labels?"
"Not really. As soon as you leave, I'll forget which is which."
"Let me ask you, Will. You mentioned nightmares. Do you have different ones or the same reoccurring nightmare?"
"I have one main one...and a lot of smaller ones," Chris replied.
"This main one? Was it something that actually happened or something too horrible that you were afraid it was going to happen?"
"Father, part of it is real...but...but, the outcome is always different."
"Do you remember enough about it to tell it to me?"
"How can I forget it? It's on my mind when I sleep and every hour I'm awake."
"Does the nightmare happen here or in Iraq?"
"On a battlefield...no, on a street in Iraq."
"So it involves combat?"
"Yeah...in this dream, I've been shot in the leg...only I wasn't REALLY shot in the leg...and I see my buddies all around me...Rick, Barry, Forrest, Jim, and Bud."
"And...?"
"I'm on one side of the road and they're on the other. The shooter is between us, only he's coming toward me. I know goddamned well, he wants to see if I'm dead and put a second bullet in me to make sure."
"And..."
"Just as he puts his finger on the trigger, one of my buddies jumps over my body to cover it and he gets shot in the back...only every time I dream that dream, it's never the same buddy. First, it's Rick, then another time, it's Barry. It's like they're taking turns being shot...all to keep me from being killed."
"Will, were any of the five buddies you mentioned, shot?"
"Only my best buddy, Rick..."
"Did Rick make a dive over your body to save you?"
"No, we were huddled behind a wall together when a mortar shell exploded near us...well, Rick was closer than I...and Rick was killed instantly and...I...I survived."
"Where were Barry and your other three buddies when this happened?"
"Across the road behind another wall. As soon as the smoke and debris cleared, they came rushing to get me. Forrest reached for Rick...and...and Rick's body broke away into two pieces..." At this point, Will began to cry, almost hysterically. He screamed while tears rolled down his cheeks. He sat up in bed and put both arms straight up in an outreach position. Will yelled, "OH MY GOD! OH MY GOD! HELP ME! HELP ME! FOR GOD'S SAKE, HELP RICK!"
Chris leaned forward and put his arms around Will's shoulders and drew Will's chest into his own. Will's entire body was shaking, especially, his hands.
"Hey, hey, Will. You're safe. Nothing can hurt you! You're safe at home in your own bedroom. Look at me! PLEASE, look at me. Tell me my name. WILL! TELL ME MY NAME!"
"You...you're...you're Father Chris."
"And where are you?"
"I...I...I'm at...I'm at home in B...Br...Briarwood..."
"That's right, Will. There's no battle going on. You're thousands of miles away from Iraq..."
Slowly, Will raised his head to make contact with Chris' eyes. It was like a shock of recognition and will quickly said, "Bless me, Father, for I have sinned."
"You wish to make a confession, Will?"
"Oh, yes, Father. PLEASE, let me do it now! I might never feel this way again."
"How long has it been since your last confession?"
"You ought to be able to remember that better than I. I said it to you, Father."
"Just before you went to Iraq?"
"Yes, Father."
"And what sins do you wish to confess?"
"Oh, God! I don't know if I can say this, looking you in the eye. Usually, we're in the confessional with a wall and mesh window separating us."
"It's all right, Will. There's no sin too great for God to forgive."
"But you don't know, Father! YOU JUST DON'T KNOW!"
"I will, once you've told me."
"Oh, Father, please don't look at me."
"Very well, I...I'll look down at the floor. You can cast your eyes toward the ceiling. All right?"
"I'll try, Father...but it's so hard."
"Take a deep breath. Relax...and let your words flow out as you exhale."
"Father Chris...I...I was in love with Rick."
"I'm sure you were. Most soldiers fall in love to some degree with their best buddy."
"No, Father, I was REALLY in love with him...you know, like I was in love with Kathy."
"Emotionally or physically?"
"Oh, dear God! Both! Every time we felt we could get away with it, Rick and I engaged in male sex."
"And that's your sin?"
"Yes, goddammit! That's MY sin. That's not a sin for gay people, but to army buddies, that IS a sin!"
"Will, don't you know that every soldier in combat goes into battle, not knowing if he'll return to see another day? If he KNEW for sure that it was his last day on earth, wouldn't he want to be with someone he loved...even if it were possible to experience his last physical love? It's almost like serving a death row convict his last meal...something he wants to remember his last day by..."
"Yes, but..."
"Did you ever tell Rick how you felt?"
"We BOTH did. We told each other. We...I...I even told him that when we got back stateside, I'd call off my wedding with Kathy and go away with him to any place he wanted to go. We made plans, Father...DEFINITE plans!"
"And now, you're home...and Rick didn't come with you...?"
"Yeah..."
"And now you don't have a reason...or a reason that would satisfy your friends and family, including, Kathy, as to why you don't want to get married."
"Jesus Christ, Father! What would my mother say? What would Kathy and her parents say? I couldn't tell them the truth."
"So you'd go along with the wedding for appearance sake and cast your new feelings aside? What about YOUR happiness?"
"I don't think I could love another guy the way I loved Rick."
"Is it kosher for your priest to make a confession to you?"
"You got something you want to confess to me?"
"You DID know that Dr. Middleton and I were a couple?"
"I'd heard rumors."
"Well, I lost him about the same time you apparently lost Rick. I loved Ed more than life...and at present, I have the same feelings as you. I don't think I could ever love another man as I loved him."
"Christ! Your hearing my confessions about Rick must have opened a sore wound for you."
"No, the wound is there...but, it's not sore. Unlike you and Rick, I had a long relationship with Ed...the kind you dreamed of having with Rick. Only my wound will heal easier because of the wonderful times we shared together."
"I...I don't know how I feel or I don't know what to do..."
"Who says you have to do ANYTHING?"
"I heard your confession. You don't have to tell any of this to your mother, Kathy, OR her parents. I'm sure your mother has told them that you are suffering from a trauma and I doubt if ANY of them would force you into a wedding. I'm sure you realize that you need rest, therapy, and probably medication. I know that under the present circumstances, the military can do very little for you. Roger Cole has some of the best psychiatrists in the country at Cole Institute. You can go there for treatment. You can see me as often as you like. As a matter of fact, in many ways, you could help me fill the void of Ed in my life...and I'm NOT suggesting that you and I should become involved more than friends or priest and parishioner. A few weeks or months from now, if you feel up to it, perhaps, you and I can go to a few concerts or theatrical productions together. Ed had already bought season tickets to the opera, the symphony, the Broadway Plus road shows, and a few concerts. I don't know if you like Barbra Streisand or not, but she's touring the country in a couple of months. I'm sure I can get seats if you'd like to go see her."
"If I like Barbra, does that mean I'm gay?"
Chris laughed. "No, liking Barbra doesn't make you gay any more than liking Broadway show tunes!"
"I DO like her...and I DO like Broadway musicals. I took my mother to see every touring company for the past few years."
"What shows did you like the best?"
"ANYTHING by Stephen Sondheim!"
"Whoops! Liking Sondheim just MIGHT make you gay!" Chris joked. "Just kidding, but the man IS a genius!"
"THAT he is!" Both of them got quiet for a second, then Will spoke, "You...you didn't tell me about my penance for my sin."
"Frankly, I kept waiting for you to reveal a sin. Do you think I would call it a sin for you to be involved with a man if I am gay?"
Will smiled. "I guess I confessed to the wrong priest."
"Is that why you never said confession to Father Cliff?"
"Maybe. I KNEW...HELL, everyone knows about him and Mr. Cole. I...I just assumed you were straight."
"You mean before you went off to war you were homophobic?"
"Kinda..."
"And you're a member of St. Genesius...the church with the largest gay congregation in the world?"
"I went to St. Genesius BEFORE Father Cliff became the rector. My parents took me to mass all my life there. When I was twelve, I was an acolyte for Father Dodd, the priest right before Father Cliff. He was married with six kids."
"And you weren't afraid of him molesting you?"
"Sorta...you DO hear stories about priests and altar boys."
"Believe me, you had nothing to fear about Father Cliff. He has a bunch of guys that he and Roger 'adopted' so to speak."
"You mean the Briarwood Boys?"
"Yes...but Father Cliff NEVER took any of them to bed...nor have I."
"I...I don't look down on them now...after Rick."
"Then the old adage comes through once again...'don't criticize a man until you've walked in his shoes'."
"I...believe Rick and I wore out a pair of combat boots, each, walking in those shoes."
"Do you mind if I say you look a thousand percent better now than you did when I walked into your bedroom minutes ago?"
"No...I FEEL better."
"Would you trust me to talk to Roger about arranging professional counseling and therapy for you at Cole Institute?"
"Only if you'll see me as often as the Cole psychiatrist."
"That's a deal, Will."
"Father, please don't get the wrong idea, but, Dr. Middleton must have been a lucky man to have you."
"Thanks, Will, but it was mutual. I thanked God every morning, noon, and night, that I had Ed."
"In your opinion...knowing what you do now, about Rick and me...would you say I'm gay?"
"I'll leave that to you and the doctor at Cole to decide."
"Do you think...if I AM gay...that I'll ever find another person to..."
"Love?"
"Yes."
"If it's in God's plan for you to find another lover, nothing will stop you from finding him."
"It wouldn't be HERE in Briarwood, would it?"
"You never know. We have quite a collection of good-looking, caring, young gay men who come to mass every Sunday."
"You know, I've never noticed the guys at St. Genesius."
"Then, if you feel like it, why don't you accompany your mother to mass this Sunday."
"Are YOU saying mass?"
"At the nine-thirty service..."
"Don't be surprised if you see me there."
"I won't be."
"Father, would you say a prayer over me before you go?"
"Of course, Will. Just remember, you're not well until YOU and the doctor agree that you are. I know that our meeting ended in a state of euphoria, but I'm sure you'll continue to fight your nightmares AND your depression. That's why I want you to get professional help and get well. I'd love showing you off as my escort at the symphony. What guy wouldn't be pleased to walk through the giant corridors of Symphony Hall, with a dashing, handsome, ex-Iraqi vet on his arm?"
"That dashing, handsome, ex-Iraqi vet would be there with the best-looking priest in the Diocese."
"That sounds like a come-on, so I'd better leave..."
"You ARE good-looking, Father."
"Hush, while I say a prayer for your recovery."
Chris arose from the bed, put his hand on top of Will's head, said a short prayer and left. When Chris had gone, Will lay his head back on his pillow and smiled a long smile.
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Jim O'Connor phoned the Cole estate at 8:00AM. Cliff answered the telephone.
"Hello?" Cliff said.
"Father Cliff?"
"Yes?"
"This is Jim O'Connor. I hope I didn't awaken you."
"Are you kidding? I arise at six every morning. Don't ever tell him that I told you, but Roger is a late riser. I let him sleep until eight-thirty. I...I want to thank you for arranging the meeting yesterday afternoon between Billy and Chuck."
"Actually, that's why I'm calling."
"Oh? Did Chuck have a change of heart and decide to accept Billy's forgiveness."
"No, Father, but I wish to God now, that he had."
"Why so, Jim?"
"Chuck committed suicide in his cell last night..."
"Oh, my God, Jim! Tell me what happened."
"I'm not sure as I'm still investigating, but Chuck slit his throat with a credit card. I'm positive that he had NO credit cards or any other sharp instruments on his person. He...Chuck had a late visit, around seven-thirty or so from his dad. I can't imagine why Pastor Brindley would give his son a credit card, but Pastor Brindley seems to be the only person Chuck could have gotten the card from. None of my police officers would EVER do such a thing."
"Jim, you're not implying that Pastor Brindley gave Chuck the credit for the purpose of harming himself?"
"NO! That's one thing I'm certain of. I know that the Bible speaks of suicides going to hell and I'm CERTAIN, Pastor Brindley would not assist anyone's suicide, especially his own son."
"I, totally, agree," Cliff replied. "I...I just don't know how or what I can tell Billy. This is going to upset him tremendously. Father Chris related Billy's and Chuck's conversation to Roger and me when they returned. Billy still had hopes of being able to visit Chuck again. I believe that Chuck told Billy he would think about it for a couple of days."
"Father, I swear, the way Billy talked to Chuck brought a lump in my throat. I was so proud of Billy. I told Walter Clayton that Billy was a bigger man than all of us put together. It took a strong, brave, young man to offer forgiveness to someone who killed one of your best young friends."
"Jim, I...I don't know how I can keep Chuck's death from Billy, but I'm going to try. Billy has been through so much trauma during the last year, I don't want this new incident to push him over the edge."
"Is there some place you could send him to visit for a week or two?"
"Roger and I were planning on taking Billy for a vacation of his choice."
"Father, if you don't mind my saying it, THIS is the right time to take him. There's nothing he can do to help Chuck now. Even if there's a coroner's inquest, Billy won't be involved."
"Jim, I think your idea is the best. I'll talk to Roger this morning and see if we can rush taking the trip. Now that Father Chris is back at the church, he can attend to my duties until we return."
"Father, I just want to say, that Father Chris is like a second 'you'. Very frankly, I think you are the priest of priests, but if God had anything to do with sending Father Chris to you and to Briarwood, it reaffirms my faith in God."
"Chris came at the right time...and now, he's returned from Europe at the right time. It confirms my belief in Divine Intervention."
"Well, that's about all I can tell you for now, Father. If you can plan the trip, do so...for Billy's sake. Call me any time you want and I'll keep you up to date with what's going on at the Briarwood Police Department."
"Thanks, Jim."
The conversation ended just about the time Roger came into the kitchen and kissed Cliff on the back of his neck.
"Good morning, my love," Roger said, nuzzling his nose further into the back of Cliff's neck and shoulder. "Who's calling this early?"
"Morning, baby. That was Jim O'Connor."
"Oh, did Cheney raise the alert to bright yellow this morning?"
"No, but someone should have raised it last night."
"You sound serious, Cliff. What happened?"
"Chuck Brindley took his life at the jail last night!"
"Good God!"
"He slit his throat with a credit card..."
"WHAT?"
"Apparently, for some reason, when his father came to visit him, he gave Chuck a credit card and he used the card to slice his neck!"
"Jesus H. Christ! Has Billy come down from his room for breakfast yet?"
"No, thank God. Billy doesn't know...and Roger, I don't WANT him to know."
"I think you're right, but how are we going to keep it from him?"
"I told Jim about the trip we were planning with Billy and Jim thought we ought to get Billy away, ASAP. TODAY, if possible!"
"But we haven't even mentioned the trip to Billy yet. We were going to suggest it to him and let him choose where he wants to go."
"What trip?" asked a young voice outside the kitchen.
"Good morning, Billy!" Roger said, over-cheerfully.
"Morning, Daddy Rog," Billy replied, running to kiss Roger on the cheek. Then he looked at Cliff. "Don't try running away until you get YOUR good morning kiss, too, Daddy Cliff."
"I couldn't start my day without your kiss!" Cliff said, opening his arms for Billy to run into. Billy gave Cliff a kiss.
"Now what trip were you two talking about?" Billy asked.
"What do you mean, 'what trip'?" Cliff replied.
"OK, I know I'm not supposed to lie. I told Father Chris that I heard the two of you talking about letting me choose some place I'd like to visit. You didn't think I heard you...but, I did."
"All right, smarty-pants! If you heard Daddy Cliff and me, then you've had time to think about a choice. Where to? Europe...like Paris? Rome? London? Or some place closer? Like the Grand Canyon? New York City? Disney World or Disneyland in California."
"Yes, I've thought about it."
"AND...?"
"It's MY choice, right?"
"Right!"
"ANY PLACE in the world...? Right?"
"Yes, come on, buster! Quit your teasing and tell Daddy Cliff and me where you've decided."
"New Hampshire...Mackintosh, New Hampshire!"
"You want to go visit Jeff, Johnny, Alex, and Ted?"
"Uh huh!"
"May I ask why?" Roger asked. "Out of EVERY place in the world, you chose to go see them...so, I think you owe us a tiny explanation."
"Because I thought about it long and hard and I tried to think of a place that the two of you would like to go. I mean...ALL THREE of us are going and there's two of you and only one of me."
"No, son," Roger said. "There's THREE of us...not two against one. Now would you like to reconsider your choice."
"No. You both knew Jeff and Alex for a long time and I've scarcely got to know them. I just think it would be fun to have a small family reunion somewhere's beside OUR house."
Cliff, once again, was amazed by Billy's maturity and stood there shaking his head. "Billy, how about if we made a stop in New York and let you see the sites on the way to New Hampshire?"
"WOW! That would be a terrific trip! How soon could we go?" Billy asked, very excitedly.
"Well, how about...well, this afternoon or early this evening?" Cliff replied.
"ARE YOU SERIOUS! BOY! Let me run upstairs and start packing!" Billy screamed as he ran out of the kitchen.
"Do you believe OUR son?" Roger said, looking at Cliff. "He was planning a trip for us."
"I know, Rog. Billy was heaven-sent to us. I just pray to God that we can get him onto an airplane before he hears about Chuck."
"Shoot! I'll tell Jay to unplug all the TV's and say that the cable is broken. That will stop him from hearing local newscasts."
"I need to call Chris and tell him about the rush of plans. I'm sure he'll understand," Cliff said.
"Cliff, I don't know how or when, but we've got to find Chris a new lover. He's too great of a guy to be alone."
"Now, Roger, you might think you're God because you have more money than He, but why don't we let the Almighty handle the affairs of the heart and find Chris someone?"
"Because God is too busy to run a dating service...and 'I'm' NOT!"
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(To be continued in "Briarwood"-Book-Nine-"A New Heaven And A New Earth"-95).