All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2003
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BOOK EIGHT
"UNTO THE HILLS"
Chapter-Eighty-six
"Little boy lost in search of little boy found
You go on wondering, wandering, stumbling, tumbling
'Round. . . 'round. . .
When will you find what's on the tip of your mind?
Why are you blind to all you ever were; never were;
really are; nearly are?
Little boy false in search of little boy true,
Will you be ever done traveling, always unraveling
You, . . you. . .?
Running away could lead you farther astray
And as for fishing in streams for pieces of dreams,
Those pieces will never fit.
What is the sense of it?
Little boy blue, don't let your little sheep roam.
It's time, come blow your horn; meet the morn;
Look and see; can you be far from home...?"
"PIECES OF DREAMS"
Lyrics by Marilyn and Alan Bergman
Music by Michel LeGrand
Copyright 1970.
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Mike was equally as excited or more so than Tom about Roger's proposal of making wishes or dreams come true for patients on the AIDS or HIV ward. After all, Mike's crusade about his AIDS cure across the country and to parts unknown had been cut short due to his and Tom stopping in San Angelo to assist Jake and Lee in their moments of despair. Maybe Roger's idea wasn't exactly what Mike had planned to do on his trip, but it was worth doing.
Even though Tom had applied for a job at Cole, he didn't mind sharing his new position with the love of his life who also happened to be his best friend. Mike started jabbering away with thoughts of grandeur of ways to grant a patient his most desired wish...perhaps his last.
"It's not going to be easy, my little one," Tom said to Mike. "There ARE some things which are impossible. We won't be able to become miracle workers and do magic."
"Like what?" Mike asked.
"Oh...suppose a guy is really, really sick and doesn't have much longer to live and he's always wanted to ride Space Mountain at Disney World...how are we going to let him have his wish?"
"Tom, if he doesn't have long to live, what can he lose?"
"Uh oh, I can see right now that, when it comes to being practical, I'm going to have more trouble with you than I'm gonna have with the patients."
"You get to have an office, a secretary, and everything?"
"That's what Troy is arranging right now."
"Is it a large office?"
"Oh, God! Don't tell me you want to decorate it!"
"No, but I could!" Mike replied. "I was just wondering if your office will be big enough...for two desks?"
"One for you as well?"
"Now that you mention it...yes!"
"Yes. I'm going to be boss of the project and if I want two desks, then I'll have two desks."
"There! See how easy it is to grant a wish?"
"Good heavens! You're totally incorrigible and I wouldn't have you any other way. I DO love you, you know?"
"I was wondering...you hadn't told me in the last fifteen minutes, you know."
"Come here and give me a kiss, Jiminy Cricket."
Mike rushed over to Tom and planted a sloppy wet kiss on Tom's lips, even using his tongue to spread saliva all over Tom's chin and cheeks."
"How was that?" Mike said, standing back to admire his work on Tom's mouth.
"A bit wet, but wonderful!"
"Hey! Do you and Roger have a name yet for the project?"
"Not yet, but I know sure as shooting, you'll come up with one."
"It can't be 'Make A Wish'. That name's been taken and, besides, its for kids. We need something bold and manly."
"Now remember, it's for the female patients as well."
"Yeah, but a lot of them are lesbians. They wouldn't mind a manly name."
"Do you already have something in mind...as if I couldn't guess?"
"Yeah, I was watching a 'Dirty Harry' movie with Jake. He'd never seen any of them. We watched all five together!"
"So you wanna name it after Harry Callahan? Callahan's give-a-hand, maybe?"
"No, Tom, that sounds stupid! Besides the name Callahan has nothing to do with Cole. It was Roger COLE, not Callahan, whom the Institute was named for."
"Then, what DO you have in mind?"
"How about, 'Go ahead. Make my day'?"
"Are you serious?"
"Think about it, babe, before you veto it! What's that French expression where something has two meanings?"
"It's not really French, but are you referring to 'double entendre'?"
"Yeah, that's it! You see, it works both ways. 'Make my day' if we grant a wish we've made the patient's 'day'...and we've made ours as well!"
"I see your point..."
"And?"
"I think it's a brilliant name, my little genius...the 'Make My Day' Project."
"I'm surprised you didn't think of it. After all, you have a college degree and all I have is a high school diploma."
"That doesn't make any difference. You're the creative one. Remember when we met, I was a dumb jock."
"Oh, I loved your jock, but it wasn't so dumb!" Mike joked.
"You clown!"
"Then you really DO like the name?"
"Yes, I love it...and I love it even more because you came up with the idea."
"Do you think I can have a secretary too?"
"No, I'm in charge of the budget and one secretary will be enough for both of us." Tom replied, then added, "Don't tell me you've already chosen a secretary as well?"
"Good grief, no! I...I just hope it's a guy, that's all."
"Why, you're chauvinistic and I'm just now finding out about it!"
"Don't call me words I don't know the meaning of."
"You prefer hiring women over men, that's what it means!"
"Well, when it comes to working side by side with someone, I'd rather it be a guy. The only woman who's ever been in my life was my mother and that wasn't too pleasant."
"My God, you're gay through and through."
"You're just now finding that out about me? I'm your lover, remember? I'm the one who snuggles up next to you at night in the bed and does funny things to your wee-wee."
"Wee-wee? Where did you come up with that expression?"
"That's what my mother used to call it...my 'wee-wee'."
"In all my life, I've never heard of a 'wee-wee' sucker."
"All right, I'm the one who does funny things to your cock! You like that better?"
"Yeah, and I love it when you do funny things to it!"
"Boy, you're gonna be hysterical by the time I'm finished with it tonight!"
"You've got me laughing all ready, Mike!"
Mike laughed while Tom nuzzled their noses together and kissed him.
"What are some other things you think might be impossible granting wishes?"
"The scenario I'm dreading is if a patient wants his parent to come visit him...maybe for the last time. Lots of guys and gals at Cole have all but been disowned by their parents...first, because the parent or parents found out their son or daughter was gay...and, second, the parents don't want their friends or neighbors to know that their son or daughter has the virus."
"Hmm. I wonder what my mother or our neighbors would've thought if they'd known my brother died from AIDS...like I almost did."
"You see what I mean? Mike, you can't make a parent forgive his son or daughter any more than you can make them love them again after they've decided to turn their backs on their own kids. You can't shame the parents either. That only makes them angrier."
"I...I'll think of a way...just give me time."
"If you do, then it WILL be a miracle. That's a problem doctors, social workers, and therapists have been trying to solve since the AIDS epidemic broke out in the 80's."
"Yeah, but how can parents be so cruel? Suppose their kid had cancer, would they feel the same way?"
"Thirty or forty years ago, they did. It was embarrassing to say you had cancer. You might as well announce you had syphilis, gonorrhea, or leprosy. Society treated cancer victims with little respect or dignity."
"Tom, what's wrong with the world? Why would they do that? Why are they still doing that to AIDS patients...their own flesh and blood?"
"That's where politics take over...conservatives versus liberals. In the 70's, you would have said, 'goody two-shoes versus the hippies or flower children'."
"Yeah, but don't conservatives love their children as much as liberals?"
"Yes, they do, so long as it doesn't go against what conservative society dictates or against the right-wing church doctrines."
"You mean the old, 'all queers are going to burn in hell' routine?"
"That's part of it...and here's where hypocrisy fits in. The right wing will give their last penny to their church and go hungry as long as it's doing the work of the Lord. They get together, shout, whoop and holler, sing praises to the Lord, have big revivals and sponsor humongous healing services and pray for the sick and the dying...so long as it's not AIDS. AIDS can't be cured at a healing service unless it's victim repents and swears to God the Father that he'll never suck another dick. These same people can commit adultery, have affairs with their married friends, do all kinds of straight sex in their private bedrooms. The men can force their wives to perform oral sex or them or submit to anal sex, but their God looks away from the things they do in bed, but if their son kisses another male... that's forbidden. God sees those acts, according to them, and God won't forgive those sins."
"Pardon my saying so, but we live in a fucked up world, don't we?"
"So you see, Mike, if we come across this kind of problem in granting wishes, we have our work cut out for us."
"Yeah, Tom, but they're CHRISTIANS! Jesus wouldn't have turned his back on anyone. Remember the good Samaritan who helped the Jew and the Jew was afraid someone would see what was happening? Jesus blessed the Samaritan for what he did."
"Maybe you're a bit young to understand this, but one of my favorite movies is 'Who's Afraid Of Virginia Woolf?'. Richard Burton says a line to the effect that God created man in His own image or vice-versa."
"What does that mean?"
"Just that man has chosen to see God the way he wants God to be. Watch some of the TV evangelists and listen to the things God supposedly tells them. Then ask a Methodist, a Catholic, or an Anglican if what the TV evangelist said is true and the other three will say, 'absolutely not!. Then the Catholic will express his viewpoint about such things as abortion and homosexuality and they agree with the TV evangelists, whereby the modern Anglican will fight to keep abortion legal and even permit gay marriages in their churches. Now, all these different denominations believe in the same God. They all worship Him, but their interpretation of what Jesus approves or disapproves is totally opposite. Thus, as George says in 'Virginia Woolf', man has created God in the image he wants God to be."
"Boy, it's just like I said---we live in a fucked up world!"
"Come on, little love, it's almost time for dinner. Let's go round up Lee and Jake and see what they're doing behind their locked bedroom door."
"You still think they're 'doing it' to each other? Heck, I know my brother climbed my ass that one time, but it was only once."
"That's all it took for you to get sick, remember?"
"How can I forget?"
"You're well now. That's all that matters. Of course I'd love you if you had leprosy."
"How about crabs?"
"Uh...I'd still love you...but I'd love you from a distance. You don't have them, do you?"
"I warned you, you'd be hysterical when I finished with you tonight."
Mike and Tom walked arm in arm into the house, laughing all the way.
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Casey Braden was the newest resident of Mackintosh. He was only seventeen years old and had been a victim of full blown AIDS for over a year. He was the second of three brothers, the sons of Alan and Dottie Braden, a lawyer and his wife in Winterfalls, Maryland. Casey's brother Clint was a year older, whereas Bobby, his younger sibling, was fourteen.
Clint was an athlete, but not a high school star, so to speak. He was good, but not great, playing football, baseball, and sometimes wrestling when he felt like it. Clint was a 'C' student, dated girls occasionally, but wasn't popular enough to stand out in a crowd.
Bobby, on the other hand, was a straight 'A' student who could care less about dating. He showed no interest in girls...or boys either, for that matter. Bobby was very much into computers and video games, usually buying games that didn't require a partner...only self-skill.
Rounding out the trio was Casey, who like Clint, was an average scholar getting mostly 'A's' and 'B's on his report card which helped to counterbalance the 'D' grade he always got in gym. Casey was not athletic, never had been, and never would be. He had no interest in sports or improving his physicality whatsoever. He skipped gym class usually on dress out days by going to the school nurse with a predetermined fake illness. Often he would swallow four or five laxative tablets when he arrived at school, giving the pills time to cause a onslaught of diarrhea by the time gym class was to start. Other days when gym consisted of health movies or lectures by the coach, Casey would attend and usually make a perfect score if a written test was given.
Casey fit the American Psychiatric Association's statistic pattern which surmised that of any three male siblings, most often the middle one was gay. Casey was gay and he knew it, but had never acted on his inclination. He would never be incestuous, since neither of his brothers, clothed or unclothed, seem to turn him on. Being a typically in-the-closet gay high school student, he dreaded 'shower' days in gym class which were usually three times per week. He didn't have the problem of getting an erection while looking at his naked gym mates. Fear replaced excitement when he saw another guy under the shower and instead of getting a boner, his penis seemed to draw up into his body giving the appearance that his sex organ was no longer than an inch at best. This made him nervous. Twice he had hyperventilated to the point of passing out before he could reach the shower after he'd undressed. He was self-conscious, inhibited, and had an extreme case of inferiority complex. But in spite of these complications, he knew he was attracted to boys and had never given any girl a second thought or look.
To their neighbors and friends, the Bradens were similar to the Brady Bunch, as they were often called...just a typical upper middle class average American family. Only Casey didn't feel as though he fit in with his parents and two brothers. Casey was introverted and had often lain in bed at night contemplating suicide. Neither his parents nor Clint or Bobby were aware of how deeply troubled Casey was. When meeting new people at church or at other social functions, Casey was always introduced as the 'shy' member of the family.
Casey's favorite school subject was music and, many times, he would skip lunch to go to the school library and listen to classical music on stereo headsets. He loved the romantic composers, Rachmaninoff, Tchaikowsky, Debussy, Chopin, etc. Compositions with long passages of great melodies could send him off into another world...a world almost like the way his church minister described heaven. He would close his eyes and see beautiful landscapes of mountains, lakes, forests, and could actually feel light rain pelting on his face and smell the aroma of the freshly dampened soil. Then a slight breeze would drift in and cool the drops of water on his body from the rain. It was a Utopian world, but one that Casey longed to live in.
If he had ever decided that this musical mental image was a true reflection of the afterlife, he would have killed himself when he was thirteen or fourteen, just starting into puberty. Music was the only joy in his life where he could escape to a place of perfection...away from everyone and everything earthly in his life. Then the fourth period bell would ring and disturb his dream world and bring him back to the harsh reality which he hated.
Literally millions of kids would have gladly changed places with Casey and his home life. Alan and Dottie, his parents never fought or quarreled. They were not short on finances. The three sons were well-fed, well-dressed and groomed and had all the amenities every kid their age had. But none of these things was able to satisfy Casey. He was a loner and his family respected his wishes by just 'letting him be alone with himself'. It was only a phase and he would soon grow out of it. His parents saw no possibility of Casey hurting himself or anybody else. The family was completely unaware of Casey's death wish.
The only other passion in his young life was flowers. Dottie raised prize roses in her garden and Alan had had a solarium built for her in back of their house where she could develop hybrids of orchids. Besides roses, there were dozens of various floral species which enhanced the flower garden...some which bloomed year round except when it had snowed. Flowers, like music, gave Casey contentment, which was as close as he came to happy.
Instead of going to movies or concerts, Casey preferred going to a local florist shop and watch flower arrangements being created. Then he would try to visualize the recipients of the floral design and the look on their eyes when the delivery guy knocked on their doors with bouquet in hand. He wished he could accompany the guy delivering the flowers just to see for himself.
Casey's big moment came one afternoon while visiting the florist. It was Mother's day weekend and the floral shop was swamped with orders and deliveries to make. There were so many, it would be impossible to get them to their destinations on time. So Mrs. Benson, owner of the shop, asked Casey if he drove a car and if he could help them deliver the overflow.
Casey had passed his driver's exam a year earlier and had never asked to use his mother's car, ever. He went home and explained the situation to Dottie and she was pleased and thrilled to see Casey's interest and excitement over flowers, her pet passion to boot. She agreed and handed her car keys to Casey and off he drove. Today, by personally handing flowers to strangers, he would make them happy and at long last get to see the joy in their eyes as he handed them the flowers.
Mrs. Benson's assignment for Casey was less than he expected. He would be making only three stops; two to funeral parlors where no one would be happy when they saw him. Then there were three arrangements which were to go to Winterfalls General Hospital. He knew that more than likely he would have to drop off the flowers at the nurses' station and not get to see the patient for whom the special arrangement was designed.
He used a hospital cart to take the flowers to the third floor and rolled it to the head nurse's desk where she smiled at Casey and thanked him. The nurse read the names on the cards and, as Casey turned to leave, she called him back.
"Wait just a moment, will you?" she asked, pleasantly.
"This blue bouquet goes to a young man about your age. I'm afraid he hasn't had many visitors, so would you be good enough to take the flowers down to his room?"
"Huh? Sure!" Casey replied. Finally, he would get his wish. He wanted to see the smile on the patient's face when he entered his room carrying the vase.
"His name is Geoff. Please don't stay more than a minute, but I'm sure he'd like to see someone other than a member of the hospital staff. He's in room 317...down the left corridor on the right hand side."
"Thank you! I promise not to disturb him," Casey said, excitedly.
He didn't run but walked rather quickly down the hall until he reached Geoff's room. The door was closed and Casey opened it slowly, not wanting to barge in and scare poor sick Geoff, whose life Casey was about to change for the better with the flowers.
Geoff's room was dark...dark and cold...quiet, dark, and cold with only one light above the only bed where Geoff lay. The room was painted a pale shade of green and the light bouncing off the ceiling gave off a weird or ethereal look, as if Geoff was not in a bed but a casket. Casey felt a sudden chill, not only caused by the room temperature, but the austere feeling of the room and light.
Geoff was awake, but staring at the opposite wall from the door. He didn't bother to look at Casey as he entered and approached the bed.
"Excuse me," Casey said quietly to Geoff.
Geoff still didn't turn his head to look at Casey.
"Excuse me, sir...but I've brought you these flowers to cheer you up. They were sent by someone who wants you to feel better. Want me to read the card to you?"
Geoff remained motionless as if Casey was not there. Casey refused to accept defeat. He HAD to see some change on Geoff's face before he left. That was his sole purpose for agreeing to the deliveries. Geoff simply HAD to look at the flowers, give a huge smile, and thank Casey for bringing the bouquet to him. So Casey continued with his plight.
"Here we go, Geoff! Let me open this tiny envelope and see who loves you enough to send you these beautiful blue flowers."
Casey set the vase on Geoff's bedside table and plucked out the envelope and opened it. Instead of a greeting of good wishes, the card was only a printed business card with the name, 'Smart Homes Realtors, Inc' with an address, phone and fax numbers...no message.
"Oh, it looks like someone wants you to get well enough to buy a house." As soon as Casey said that, he realized how dumb it sounded. Who the fuck would go to the trouble of ordering flowers and giving Mrs. Benson a business card without writing, 'love Dad' or 'Frank' or 'Louise' or some fucking name for God's sake? "Is this your families business? Smart Homes Realtors?"
Casey did notice one change in Geoff. Geoff bit his lip as if he was angry when Casey read the card out loud. Casey took one last hard look at Geoff and decided it was time to leave.
"Well, see ya!" Casey said as he opened the door.
"Hey!" Geoff said, stopping Casey and looking at him for the first time.
Casey turned. "Yeah?"
"Thanks," Geoff said.
Casey smiled, "You're welcome". Then Casey took two steps toward the bed since the silence had been broken. "Hey, before I leave, can I get you anything?"
"Like what?"
"I don't know...water...a soda from a vending machine, maybe...a candy bar if you're allowed to have 'em."
"How about a new life while you're being so charitable?" Geoff said, once again looking at the wall away from Casey.
"A new life?"
"You heard me."
"I...I don't understand..."
"I'm dying, dummy."
"Gee, I'm sorry...I didn't know."
"Well, you do now...so go get fucked!" Geoff snarled.
"Do you...do you mind my asking what kind of sick you are?"
"Get ready to run...because I have AIDS."
"AIDS?"
"Yeah, does that scare the shit out of you?"
"No, I've just never been around someone who had AIDS."
"Then you're in the majority because no one I know LIKES to be around someone with AIDS."
"No visitors, huh?"
"Didn't you read the sign on my door?"
"No, there isn't one."
"Might as well be...no visitors come to see me anyway...not even my own family. The flowers you brought? They were from my dad. Did you notice anything written on it besides print?"
"I guess I didn't," Casey said.
"No, and that's the way it's been since I got sick. My dad AND my mom send me flowers, candy, books, and everything they can think of...just so long as they don't have to come see me in person."
"I...I don't know what to say. I'm sorry, I guess. How did you get it?"
"What?"
"The disease...AIDS?"
"I wish I had a more dramatic answer like I'm a cocksucker or I was fucked by an entire football team...but, actually, it was from a fucking needle."
"You use drugs?"
"No, even that would be a better excuse. I got it in my doctor's office during a routine physical examination. They were going to draw blood to check my sugar level and this fucking cunt nurse accidentally picked up a needle someone had just used to draw blood from a guy who had AIDS. When the report came back, by her using a dirty needle, the virus showed up immediately. The germ was already on the needle. So I never had a chance."
"What did your parents say?"
"Not much, but you could see the dollar signs in their eyes, dreaming of a lawsuit."
"But surely they didn't blame you. Nothing was your fault."
"Tell that to my parents. They were so afraid I'd give it to them, they made me stay in my room, 24/7. My mom would have my meals left outside my bedroom door three times a day. Even then, she wouldn't hand the trays to me. She'd set them down and ask me to wait until she left before I could open the door to get my food."
"AIDS isn't that dangerous if you're careful. They taught us that in gym class at school."
"My folks didn't go to the same school as you...and they didn't learn what you did in any gym class. I was just completely isolated and ostracized from my family, my friends...what few I had. My mother was afraid to let them come visit me at the house for fear I would infect them and in turn my friends could sue her and my dad."
"Hey, I'm not afraid," Casey said bravely. "Want me to prove it?"
"How?"
"Well, we didn't actually meet. The nurse told me that your name is Geoff and, well, I'm Casey." Casey put out his hand for Geoff to shake. Geoff was reluctant to take Casey's hand. "Come on, put it there. Give me a shake, a high five or something. Give me some skin, man!"
Slowly Geoff reached for Casey's hand and Casey grabbed Geoff's hand and held it, putting his other hand on top of the two.
"There!" Casey said. "You see, I'm touching you. Are you gonna give me AIDS now? How soon will I know if I got it?"
Geoff smiled for the first time and said, "Silly, you know I can't give you AIDS with a handshake...but it is nice to feel someone's hand in mine...besides a nurse or doctor, I mean."
"Hey, you wanna become friends? We don't know much about each other... well, I know more about you than you know about me...but I COULD come by and visit you. I'd even bring you flowers I grew myself in my own yard."
"Home grown flowers, huh?"
"Yeah."
"I'd like that, Casey." His voice was quiet.
"I could come by every day after school if you want me to."
"I'd like that even more."
Casey tried to ease his hand away from Geoff and Geoff grabbed Casey's hand and held it firmly.
"Please? Could...could I hold your hand a little longer."
"Heck, yeah. You were my last delivery. I'm free and you can hold my hand as long as you like."
Casey was enjoying his and Geoff's bonding as much as Geoff was enjoying Casey's company. In their own sheltered worlds, neither of them had a close friend and something special was happening between them.
"What about your family, Casey. Are you close?"
"I got my mom and dad, an older brother, Clint, and a younger brother, Bobby. The three of us brothers get along all right, but we have different interests and although we're friendly to one another, we just kinda ignore each other. I guess you could say we're not really close. You got any brothers or sisters?"
"No, there's just me. As you read on the card, my folks are in real estate. Both of them come home late...separately every night. We never had a meal together even before I got sick. So I'm pretty used to not having them around."
"You said you had friends who came by your house to see you."
"They weren't really friends, they were just some guys who come by to borrow my DVD's or video games."
"Same here...I don't have any close friends either."
"Yeah, but you're healthy and can get out and go places. You could have friends if you wanted them."
"I don't want them. I'm really shy about meeting people. You wanna know something honest?"
"Sure."
"I...I wasn't afraid about your giving me AIDS or anything, I was just kind shy about offering you my hand. I...I don't usually do that."
"I'm glad you did, Casey."
"Me, too...now." Casey said, warmly. "Hey, if I come by tomorrow, is there something I could bring you? Books? Magazines? MP3's?"
"Not really...just your coming to visit me will be fine."
"Well, if you DO think of something, write it down and I can bring it to you the day after tomorrow."
"You're really serious about coming to see me every day?"
"Sure as purple violets and red roses."
"You're nice, Casey."
"No one's ever said that about me before."
"You're kind and generous, too."
"If you keep saying things like that, I'm gonna be forced to kiss you."
"Have you ever kissed another boy before?"
"No...but I have thought about it."
"Are you trying to tell me that you're gay?"
"I...I don't know for sure...but I think I might be."
"Then that's why you don't mind my holding your hand..."
"No, not really. I...I just wanted to be friendly."
"In that case...yeah, sure, we can be friends."
"Listen, I really should be getting my mother's car back to her, but I WILL be back tomorrow."
"Promise?"
"I promise."
"Then you better go...but I'll look forward to tomorrow...something I haven't done in a long while."
"We can be friends for a long time, Geoff."
"I hope so."
"We will."
Geoff released Casey's hand, giving it one final squeeze and Casey left.
Little did Casey know that he would never see Geoff again, for Geoff died in his sleep later that same night...but even more, Casey had no idea that within the next six months he would lose his virginity and acquire AIDS himself...and he would move to Mackintosh, New Hampshire to live out the rest of his life with new friends, Alex and Ted.
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Hal and Kyle spent the entire night together locked in each other's arms. When Hal awoke the next morning, Kyle was gone. Hal stretched both of his arms behind his head and rested on his open hands and thought about what had happened. He'd spent many nights in many beds with many girls, but never with a guy. There wasn't much difference except for feeling Kyle's body hair and Kyle's muscular build, not to mention a five o'clock shadow beard. That did take a little getting used to. No girl Hal ever kissed had a stubble above and below her lips.
Hal really didn't feel ashamed or repulsed sleeping in the nude next to Kyle. Hell, all of his best friends and even his brother had done it. Hal in his macho way of thinking decided it must take a brave man to be manly enough to even try it. Most straight guys would be afraid and Hal had never known fear. So in a way, he was proud of his accomplishment, doing what few straight men were courageous enough to do.
There was one drawback, however. He hadn't seen Kyle's face this morning. Perhaps Kyle felt some guilt about sleeping with another man so soon after the burial of his longtime companion. Then, thankfully, Petey and Danny hadn't seen them together...and if they had, it could precipitate an emotional effect in the two youngsters...seeing Daddy Kyle in bed with an almost stranger...a new friend, but a stranger just the same.
Hal showered to rinse his and Kyle's dried sweat from his body before going downstairs for breakfast. He went into the bathroom and sat on the toilet for his sit-down morning pee or whatever. He always eyed the bidet because it made him laugh to think rich people were too lazy to wipe their asses with good old fashion Northern tissue. The first time he ever heard of a bidet was on a TV talk show on which Phyllis Diller was a guest. She made a joke saying that the first time she ever sat on a bidet, she sat on it backwards and the damned thing shot her false eyelashes off. Now that Hal had seen a real one, her joke was even funnier.
He used real toilet paper instead of trying the water-wiping machine and stepped inside the shower. A new razor was inside one of the notches inside the shower and he used it to shave, also using the push-button shaving cream dispenser. There was another button for liquid body soap and he lathered himself head to toe. When his hands reached his genital area, he was not surprised to find his usual morning erection...and what the hell? He was horny and hadn't jerked off in a couple of days, so he took the time to relieve his tension and whacked away. With his wide array of past sexual adventures, he had plenty of fantasies to choose from. One thing for sure, he'd never beat off again while thinking about Caroline. She was gone and was no longer on his list of sexual illusions.
His pleasurable thoughts suddenly made him remember how it felt last night to have Kyle's penis pressed next to his. This was something new for Hal to think about. It was exciting to him, the way most first time experiences could be. He began to think how much further he and Kyle would have gone if they both had agreed. Would he have jerked Kyle off? Would or could he have gone down on Kyle? He was certain he wouldn't have stopped Kyle...or anyone else who offered him a blow job. Hal liked sex...it's just that doing the same old thing to the same old Hawthorne girls had become tiresome and boring to him. Any Hawthorne girl would blow him in a minute...whereas very few would ever indulge in anal sex. So fucking in the missionary position became routine. Hal could have an orgasm in a matter of a few seconds, just for the thrill of it. But he could also hold off for thirty minutes to an hour or however long it took for a Hawthorne girl to climax two, three, four...a dozen times, before she was satisfied.
In the past, Hal would enter a girl's vagina, hump her six or eight times and shoot his load inside a condom, hitch up his britches while the unsatisfied young harlot would swoon and thank him. At last she'd had the great Hal Carson inside her pussy and she could tell all her girlfriends about it and that's all that mattered. Of course a year later, she'd be thinking about Hal while she masturbated over and over.
A couple of girls had let Hal inside their anus and it felt great because her ass was much tighter than her vagina. That's why Hal felt he would have no qualm about fucking a guy in the ass. It was the idea of giving oral sex to a male that made him a bit squeamish. He wasn't sure if he could do it, mainly because once he HAD, he would be a cocksucker. It was like being an alcoholic and going to AA. Even though a guy hadn't had a drink for years, he was still an alcoholic for life...the same went for sucking a cock. It only had to happen once and you were tagged for life.
Hal managed to repel his fantasy about Kyle and think about Betty Jo Quarles instead. She was a hot number and it didn't take long to get off while thinking about her. He reached his climax in less than a minute...good old Betty Jo! She always came through for him. Then he finished bathing, went into his bedroom, put on a pair of fresh Levis and tee shirt and went downstairs to check on Kyle's demeanor and see if he looked guilty about the two of them sleeping together.
The kids were already up and dressed, sitting at the breakfast table when Hal came into the kitchen. Both Petey and Danny jumped up from the table to greet him, shouting, "Uncle Hal! Uncle Hal! Uncle Hal!"
Hal gave both of them a big hug and picked Petey up into his arms and carried him back to the table. It was only for a split second, but Hal imagined how it would have been if Caroline had had their kid and he would have been able to pick up his own child as he had Petey.
"Good morning, Hal!" Kyle said, cheerfully. "Sleep well?"
"Very much so, Kyle!" Hal, innocently replied.
"That's good. Ready for breakfast?"
"Sure am!"
"Then sit!"
"Aye, aye, sir."
Hal sat at the table while Kyle served a huge assortment of breakfast food. Hal took his fork and was ready to dive into the scrambled eggs, sausage, gravy and biscuits when Danny stopped him.
"Huhn uhn, Uncle Hal! We gotta say the blessing."
"Whoops! Sorry! I'm so used to eating by myself, I take saying the blessing for granted."
Kyle joined his sons and Steve at the table and asked, "Now which one of you little monsters wants to thank the Lord for the food?"
Danny looked at Petey and together they said, "Uncle Hal! We want Uncle Hal to say it!"
Hal's face blushed a bright red for he'd never said a blessing in his life. He'd never prayed out loud anytime, anywhere and he didn't know if he could do it. Kyle saw Hal's look of desperation and offered to replace him from being embarrassed.
"Let me, guys!" Kyle said, "I'll say the blessing this morning. Your Uncle Hal can say it some other time."
Hal sighed with relief and politely said, "Thanks!" to Kyle. 'Whew! That was a close call!' Hal thought to himself.
When the four of them had eaten the last bite that Kyle had cooked, Kyle asked, "Hal, do you have any plans this morning?"
"What did you have in mind?"
"I presume you don't own a passport...?"
"Never needed one to go from North to South Carolina."
"Then I suggest we go see Dr. Whitman at Cole and get whatever vaccinations you need and then go get a passport for you."
"Vaccinations? That's just a bunch of shots, isn't it? I mean they don't have to scratch your arm with a needle like they did when I got vaccinated for small pox when I was a kid, do they?"
"I believe the hospital can put all the vaccines into one hypodermic now and you can get everything you need by only getting stuck with one needle."
"We had our shots, Uncle Hal! I didn't cry, but Petey did!" Danny said.
"I DID NOT!" Petey retorted.
"DID, TOO!"
"NOT!"
"DID!"
Hal stopped the argument by interrupting, "Hold on, now! There's nothing wrong about crying when you get stuck with a needle. Why, I might cry myself!"
Danny and Petey giggled at the thought of Hal crying.
"Uncle Hal," Danny said, "remember once you get your vaccinations and passport, you can't back out of going on the trip with us!"
"Is that a rule?" Hal kidded.
"YES! Yes, it is!" Kyle said, perhaps a bit too firmly as he really wanted Hal to go with them.
Hal gave Kyle a puzzled look. 'Kyle meant it!' Hal thought. 'Could Kyle's feelings for him be deeper than Hal imagined?'
Maybe it was spending last night together, but there was a definite connection between Hal and Kyle...something Hal hadn't expected and he wasn't sure if he was ready for it...or if Kyle was ready for it as well.
"Boys, your Uncle Jay is coming over to stay with you while Uncle Hal and I go see Uncle Roger. Will that be all right with the two of you?"
"Sure, Daddy," Danny replied. "Uncle Jay is funny."
"Yeah, he's funny!" Petey echoed.
Jay arrived thirty minutes later and his gaydar raised to level red...severe alert! Jay had been a queen long enough to know something was happening between Hal and Kyle. Hal became self-conscious as Jay eyed them suspiciously. Hal made a fast exit upstairs to get a jacket and told Kyle he would meet him at the car. He wanted to avoid Jay as much as possible. For the first time all morning, Hal felt a tinge of guilt about last night, a guilt suggested by Jay's scrutiny.
Kyle chose the Lexus to drive to Cole. Hal felt more relaxed the farther the two of them got away from Jay.
"Did you see the way Jay looked at us?" Hal asked.
"Jay gives everyone the same look. I swear he could make a nun feel guilty standing beside a priest."
"Yeah, but...do you think he knows we slept together?"
"How could he? Not even the kids know. Jay always thinks that if any, and I mean ANY, two people are left together, they're naturally sleeping together and having sex."
"It made me feel funny, though."
"It shouldn't. Once you get to know Jay, you'll love him as we all do."
"Yeah, Kyle, but..."
"But what?"
"About last night..."
"What about last night?"
"Was what we did okay?"
"I liked it. What about you?"
"It felt strange at first, but after a while..."
"Yes?"
"Kyle, are we getting too close, too soon?"
"You mean, too soon after Ryan's death?"
"Yeah, that's what I meant..."
"Ryan and I lived together with one purpose in mind...to do everything we could to make the other happy. If I had died instead of Ryan, I'd probably have lined up a trick for him after my wake. I wouldn't've wanted him to be lost and alone for a minute. That's how much we loved each other."
"Yeah, but that was love...and what we were doing wasn't."
"Hal, I know you're a straight man and you're doing the best you can to understand or at least make an attempt to enter the gay world. I know you're not ready! You may not ever be ready, but when and if you are, I'll go as far with you as you want without feeling one pang of guilt about Ryan. So, if that helps you any...?"
"You're sure that's the way Ryan would have wanted it?"
"Positive!"
"Then I'll confess...I could've been ready last night..."
"What do you mean?"
"I thought a lot about it and...I'm ready to go all the way with you...but only with you. I don't think I could go downtown and pick up some guy and have sex with him the way I used to pick up girls in Hawthorne."
"You...uh...you wanted to have sex with me last night?"
"Yes...honestly, I did, but I just couldn't."
"Because of Ryan?"
"Uh huh."
"Hal, it's better that nothing happened last night between us. If
and when should ever happen, I have to be honest and tell you something very important about myself."
"You...you're not sick like Ryan was, are you?"
"No, Hal, I'm not sick at all...but I WAS. A few years ago, I was VERY, VERY sick."
"You said, 'was'? Does that mean you're well now?"
"Totally and completely...a human specimen with a clean bill of health!"
"Wanna tell me what was wrong with you?"
"Yes, I do, Hal. I have to."
"Okay, I'm listenin'."
"Ryan and I met at a mental hospital in a group of young people who had or were thinking about attempting suicide..."
"BOTH RYAN AND YOU?"
"Yes..."
"Whatever for?"
"Both of us had good reasons. Ryan felt trapped by his religious family and thought suicide was his only escape."
"What about you? Was your family the same way?"
"My parents were jokes. I didn't give a fuck what they thought of me or vice-versa. You see, for a short time, I had a very successful career in New York, modeling, doing TV commercials, billboard and magazine ads. I was what is called, 'a pretty boy'...and pretty boys attract other pretty boys, but some pretty boys lie and don't tell their pretty boys about certain things which are wrong about them. One such pretty boy lied to me...as he also lied to Jay! Our pretty boy in common gave both Jay and me, AIDS!"
"Good LORD! You have AIDS?"
"No, I DID have AIDS and so did Jay, but neither of us has a trace of the virus in our systems thanks to Roger, his chief of staff, Dr. Ed. and the research department at Cole Institute."
"You're totally cured?"
"Totally!"
"And...and I can't catch it from you?"
"No way whatsoever. Even if I WEREN'T cured, you wouldn't be at risk as long as whatever we should decide to do is safe. I suppose you knew that from all your girlfriends in Hawthorne."
"Kyle, I never fucked one of 'em without a rubber!"
"And you never caught anything from them, did you?"
"Nope."
"Something ALMOST happened between us last night, but I swear nothing would have unless we were both completely safe."
"Then there's no danger?"
"As long as we're careful and abide by that rule. Hal, Ryan and I were together for many years and being honest, we had sex every night, sometimes many more times that once a night...and when he died, he was HIV and AIDS free. I didn't give him the virus because I no longer have it myself!"
"Then, about last night...what almost happened, but didn't...?"
"There's always tonight or tomorrow night..." Kyle said.
"Kyle, I'm a little scared though, but not about the AIDS business..."
"You don't look like the kind of guy who'd be scared about anything."
"I know! I was never scared with a girl in my entire life...even the first time I lost my cherry...but you're a man!"
"Thank God you noticed!" Kyle joked, while trying to lighten the conversation.
"I don't know what to do with a man...and I feel like some school kid asking a grown-up how to do it, or what to do."
"We'll just take it slow and let you find out what you like to do. That's the way it should be the first time, if your partner is willing."
"Yeah, but that ain't all..."
"What else?"
"I get this strange feeling when we're alone...like...like I could be falling in love with you...and I know goddamned well, it's too soon! I mean, I saw the way you were looking at me at breakfast and I got a feeling you might be feeling the same thing I am...and it's scares the hell out of me."
"You noticed, did you?"
"Uh huh."
"What if I said I DO feel the same as you? Would that make you less frightened?"
"I'm not sure."
"Then, I'll say it and then you tell me how you feel..."
"Huh?"
"Hal, I think I might fall in love with you, too."
"Holy shit! This is unreal! Are you serious?"
"As an avalanche!"
"This is all so new to me! I mean if anyone had ever told me I'd be in love with another man, I'd've knocked him two counties away."
"But not now?"
"Not now! But still, what will Petey and Danny think? What will they say? What about Jay and Troy and Father Cliff and Mr. Cole and Jeff up in New Hampshire? God damn! All those eyes staring at me like I'm committing a sin or a crime."
"Hal, rest assured, the kids will love you. By the time we get back from our trip, more than likely, you'll no longer be 'Uncle Hal', you'll become 'Daddy Hal'. As for the other Briarwood Boys and Cliff and Roger, you'll feel like you've inherited a big family. We all love one another and respect each other's decisions. If I love you...they'll all love you."
"I...I don't have much to offer you..."
"You mean money?"
"Well, yes."
"Then you'll just have to learn how it feels to be rich. Several years ago, Roger became extremely ill and was very close to dying. Luckily for the Institute's and everyone's sake he recovered nicely. Following the near-death incident, Roger turned all the Briarwood Boys into multi-millionaires overnight. Everyone of us was a step away from the poorhouse when Cliff, Roger, and Walter took us in. None of us knew how it felt to be wealthy, we had to learn...just as you will."
"You know it's not your money that I..."
"I know or I wouldn't have fallen in love with you. I didn't fall in love with Ryan for his money because he had none...neither did I."
"I still can't understand what you see in me!"
"You've never taken a good look at yourself then."
"I'm not fishing for compliments, but what do you see in me?"
"I see a handsome, kind, generous man...one who needs to be loved and one who needs to give love. I see a man who'll make a wonderful father to two wonderful kids. They already love you in case you don't know it. I couldn't find a better person for them to be with. I also know that you fill a lonely spot in my heart when I'm with you. I don't ache or mourn for my dead lover. You're funny and you make me laugh...and you make me happy."
"I guess you've said it all. No one has ever said anything like that to me...not even Caroline...ESPECIALLY Caroline. I've never had anyone say that they loved me the way you did just now."
"So how do you feel?"
"Like I want to shout! Like I want you to stop this car and let me take you into my arms and kiss you all over. Goddammit! I'm GAY! And I don't give two hoots in hell who knows about it!"
"I WILL stop the car if you really want me to."
"Then pull over to the side of the road!"
Kyle took his foot off the accelerator and slowly drove over onto the dirt shoulder beside the highway. Once the car had stopped, Hal slid across the seat toward Kyle and put his arms around him, kissing him with more passion than he'd ever shown any woman in his young life. Kyle submitted to Hal's advances and drew Hal's body tightly against his chest.
It was broad-open daylight. Cars were passing and the drivers were rubbernecking to see two young men making out on the side of the road. Many of them honked their horns with delight.
Hal was hungry for Kyle's kisses and he returned his affection by kissing Kyle on his cheeks, his forehead, his neck, the bridge of his nose, his eyelids...every visible spot on Kyle's face.
"Oh, God, I DO love you, Kyle...I do! I do! I do!"
"So do I, Hal! So do I"
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(To be continued in "Briarwood"---BOOK EIGHT--Chapter--eighty-seven.)