All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2003
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BEGINNING OF BOOK EIGHT
"UNTO THE HILLS"
Chapter-Eighty
"With a fine young son, to take my place,
I'll leave my son in my heaven on earth,
with the good Lord's grace."
"Gonna Build A Mountain"
from "Stop The World,
I Want To Get Off"
Music and lyrics by
Anthony Newley and
Leslie Bricusse
Copyright 1961
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Cliff was reading page eight of Vittorio's letter with eight or ten pages to go. He almost copied Jay's action of reading the last page to find out where and how Vittorio was. Before buying a novel at a book store, Jay would flip to the final chapter and thumbnail read it to see the ending. If the novel ended unhappily, Jay would put it back on the shelf and keep perusing a dozen or so until he found a "happily ever after" conclusion and he would buy it.
Cliff heard a tapping on the door to his study and assumed it was his secretary, so he had no reason for not saying, "Come in." He was surprised to see that Walter and Roger were together entering the office. It was nine in the morning. Roger should be at the hospital and Walter, certainly had things to do at his law office.
"Hey, guys, come on in," Cliff said.
Roger walked straight to Cliff's desk and kissed him on the cheek.
"Good morning, 'better half'," Roger said to Cliff.
"I suppose you're a bit surprised seeing us," Walter said.
"To say the least," Cliff replied.
"It's just that I wanted to discuss something with you and Roger, together, and it couldn't wait. I stopped by Cole and picked up Roger on my way over," Walter continued.
"Do you know what this is all about?" Cliff asked Roger.
"Haven't the slightest. Walt wouldn't give me a clue. I could only assume that someone wanted to make a donation to either Cole or St. Genesius and he wanted to tell us together."
"I...I have a gift to offer both of you, but it's not monetary."
"Good God, Walt!" Roger interrupted. "Don't tell me someone wants to give us another god awful painting or Romanesque statue?" Roger's remark made Cliff laugh.
"It's a rather unusual gift...one that could cost YOU money and a lot of your spare time."
"You want us both the contribute and work for the upcoming Democratic campaign? Is that it?" Cliff asked.
Cliff's remark, in turn, made Walter laugh out loud.
"Enough mystery and jokes," Walter said. "It seems I have temporary guardianship of a certain fifteen-old-boy who is in desperate need of a home."
"You're talking about Billy, I presume?" Cliff asked.
"The one and the same. As you know, Judge Horton upon hearing what happened between Billy and his parents issued a nolo contendere order for self-defense. Billy will NOT have to stand trial or be sentenced even more manslaughter. He listened to Billy's story and my plea and nixed a motion for a court hearing, but there IS one catch. Billy will be on a limited probation if I can provide a family that's willing to assume responsibility for him. Dave and I would love to have him come live with us, but since I am his lawyer and court-appointed legal guardian, there's a matter of conflict of interest. I thought about Ryan and Kyle, but in sight of their precarious circumstances, plus their already having Little Pete and Danny, not to mention Jake and Lee at the moment, it wouldn't be fair to ask them to consider housing and caring for a troubled teenager. Troy and Jay, virtually, live with the two of you...and the next two people that came to mind were..."
"Us?" Cliff and Roger responded simultaneously.
"Yep. Neither of you have ever raised a kid, except for half the boys in Briarwood. But you've never had one of your own," Walter said.
"But, Walt, don't you think Billy should have some 'say so' with whom he wants to live and act as his parents?" Cliff asked.
"I've already asked Billy."
"And?"
"Cliff, that day at the jail when I left you and Billy alone, the kid fell in love with you almost instantly. I don't know what you said, but every time I mention your name, he lights up like the Rockefeller Center Christmas tree. As for you, Roger, somehow he's learned about the fantastic work you're doing at the Institute. The day of the twin's christening, he couldn't keep his eyes off you. Privately, he refers to you as a handsome hunk."
"Good Lord!" Roger said, as his face turned red.
"So...what do you think?" Walt asked.
"Walt, you old devil, you know I could never turn ANY kid away, but to become his guardian and keep track of him 24/7...I just don't know."
"Oh, I don't want you and Roger to become his guardians...and neither does Billy."
"I hope you're not going to say what I'm thinking," Cliff said.
"I won't say it out loud unless I have to."
"Parents? Us? REAL parents?" Cliff and Roger announced together.
"There are no finer men in this world than the two of you. Since both of you are Dave's and my best friends, I think it would be wonderful for all three of you. Billy would be ecstatic."
Cliff looked at Roger and asked, "What do you think, babe?"
"I've always thought you needed a son of your own. As for me, I always wanted a goldfish," Roger joked.
Cliff looked sternly at Walter. "Walter Clayton, you old sneak! I suppose you've already drawn up the adoption papers, haven't you?"
Walter looked at the floor, sheepishly. "They...they're in my briefcase. Judge Horton is ready to sign them as soon as you both agree."
Roger seemed more enthused, "You know Cliff, that while I'm at the Institute and you're here at the church, Troy and Jay are always at the house to look after him."
Walter chimed in, "Just think! He's only fifteen. You both can have long father-son discussions. You can teach him to drive a car. You can go to Briarwood High and watch him play sports, dress him for his first prom, teach him to become a man with proper schooling, manners, love of the arts. You could give him things nobody else in the world could dream of giving him. Lord in heaven knows that Jeff was my real flesh and blood son, but you both raised him more AND did a better job than I. Who else could influence the wildest boy in the neighborhood to become one of the finest priests in New Hampshire? Jeff, and even Alex, are the way they are because of you two."
"Yes, but I seem to recall that Jeff and Alex are both gay, married gays at that. Suppose Billy wants to grow up heterosexual?"
"Then, treat him as such! Jesus Christ, Cliff! Half of your congregation is straight and they love you as much as the rest of us do who are gay."
Again, Cliff, as always, looked at Roger for guidance. "You want him, don't you, Rog?"
"I think we both NEED him, especially you...and better yet, I think he needs US."
"My God, what am I thinking?" Cliff exclaimed. "Walt, open up your damned briefcase and get out the papers. Roger and I will sign them immediately."
Walter opened his briefcase as Roger mused out loud, "I can take off from the Institute Saturday and Billy and I can drive into town and buy him a whole new wardrobe..."
Cliff laughed, "Yes, and I'm sure while your at it, Billy will need a Playstation 2 and a Game Box, dozens of cartridges, his own TV with DVD and home theatre speakers, and at least a hundred new DVD's that 15-year-old kids like to watch."
"Yes, and you forgot the M3 player, Cliff," Roger said, excitedly.
"My God, how could I be so thoughtless. He'll definitely need an M3 player and every tune on the Billboard top 100 chart! I hope you know a good acoustic engineer who can soundproof his room so that Matchbox 20 won't drown out my Mahler's Fourth in our den," Cliff joked.
"What else do 15-year-old boys like?" Roger asked.
"They like 15-year-old girls or maybe in Billy's case, he might prefer 15-year-old boys or maybe older men that look like hunks, as he prefers to call you."
Walter smiled. "You sound as excited about adopting Billy as the kid did in 'A Christmas Story' when he finally got his Red Ryder BB gun."
Walter handed the adoption papers to Cliff and both Cliff and Roger signed all the blanks where Walter had "X'd".
"Who's going to break the news to Jay and Troy that they've just become permanent baby sitters?" Cliff asked Roger.
"I will, but I don't think either of them will feel like baby sitters, they're getting a new kid brother."
"Oh, Jesus!" Cliff exclaimed, "Jay will throw a party for Billy every chance he gets. In sight of six months, Billy will weigh four-hundred pounds from all the cakes that Jay will bake for him."
"Who in the world loves giving parties and baking cakes more than Jay?" Roger replied.
"That's what scares the bejesus out of me!" Cliff said.
Walter took the papers from Cliff and placed them back into his briefcase. "I'll take these over to Judge Horton now to have them finalized. What time are both of you planning on being home for dinner?"
"Around six," Cliff and Roger replied.
"I'll bring Billy by around six-thirty, if that's OK with the two of you."
"Six thirty is fine," Cliff said.
"Come on, Roger, and I'll drop you off at Cole."
"Thanks, Walt," Roger replied. "You know we could've taken my new Ferrari!"
"Just hold onto it, Billy can get his driver's license in one more year."
"Oh, God!" Roger exclaimed, "I hadn't thought of that! Maybe he'd look better driving a Lamborghini to Briarwood High every day?"
"Not on your life, Rog! He'll have a Mustang like Alex and Ted had!"
"Only if YOU take him shopping for cars before I get the chance!"
"FORD MUSTANG! Listen, I'd better call Jay and Troy with the news. It's almost nine-thirty. I expect that by four this afternoon, Jay will have remodeled and redecorated a room for Billy...only NO lavender or puce."
The three of them laughed as Roger leaned over to kiss Cliff and say 'goodbye'.
"Did I forget to tell you today that I loved you?" Roger said.
"I love you, too...DADDY!" Cliff joked.
"Hey, you know, I kinda like the sound of that!"
"Thank the Lord there's no two A.M. feedings or diapers to change," Cliff said.
"Amen and hallelujah! That's even better!" Roger said as he went out the door putting his arm around Walter.
Cliff paused at his desk to offer a prayer of thanksgiving. When he finished praying, he stared at Vito's letter and said, "Sorry, Vito old boy, you're just gonna have to wait. I just became a father...a REAL father!" Cliff was gleefully excited as he dialed home and Jay answered the phone.
"Jay?"
"Cliff?"
"Guess who's coming to dinner?"
"Cliff if you say the Archbishop, I'll shit in the floor and it'll take me two days to clean it up."
"In that case, you'd better get a tub of water and an elephant scrub brush when I tell you the news..."
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The mountains of New Hampshire were similar to the Smokies of North Carolina only steeper with crests of snow. Wade wouldn't be so homesick as he thought as he surveyed the countryside. To most guys his age who had never been as much as one hundred miles away from home in his entire life, moving up north had a subliminal connotation of tall buildings in big cities occupied by unfriendly people.
Both Steve and Wade took an instant liking to Rob and Timmy. Of course, the Broadway Briarwood boys were practically famous in New York circles, each having won a Tony award for "Green Dolphin Street". Rob and Timmy's apartment was posh but homey. They were both successful and ranked among the affluent ritzy crowd of New Yorkers, that is, when they were both working. A star on Broadway isn't really a star unless you're working in a hit show. Otherwise, you're just one of the massive out of work actors waiting for the next big "something" to come along.
Stephen Sondheim had been interviewed by one of the renowned critics of theatre and Steve had stated firmly that "Broadway was dead". Arguments could be made on both sides of that statement, but the pure Broadway musical aficionados would agree. Rarely in the past decade had a new musical been written with a singable score and memorable dialogue. Sure, there were big hits that needed millions of dollars of special effects such as falling chandeliers, gondolas which tracked across the stage in a misty fog...actors in cat costumes, lion and beast heads, etc. But, the old fashioned musical was only remembered by countless revivals of yesteryear when they wrote songs "like they used to".
Steve nor Wade could never have imagined the wondrous display of music and dance when they saw Rob playing Tommy in "Brigadoon". The traditional Scottish reels had been replaced by cloggers a la "Riverdance" and the entire show was a spectacle to behold. Wade's hands were still sore from applauding after each number. He wouldn't have been more excited if he'd seen Elvis in person. And then to top it off, he and Steve met with the star and conductor of the show, had dinner and drinks with them at a famous restaurant filled with stars from both New York and Hollywood. All of them seemed to know Timmy and Rob personally.
Steve was more interested at looking at Wade's expression every time Wade saw a star he'd only seen on screen. Wade was "gagaed" by everyone and everything he saw. Rob made sure that he introduced his guests from Hawthorne to every star that greeted him. Was that REALLY Tom Cruise who shook Wade's hand? Tim Robbins was there with Susan Sarandon, Sean Penn, and Robin Wright. Walking into Joe Allen's was like walking down the red carpet at the Oscars only there was no red carpet.
Steve took it all in, too, but he was happy, primarily, because his new young lover was having such a great time. A couple of times, Steve hugged Wade or held his hand and neither of them were ashamed or reticent about being a new gay couple. In New York, it was all right to be gay and the two Carolinians felt free to be so open about their relationship. They were moving to Mackintosh, but as far as the two of them were concerned, they spent their honeymoon up and down Broadway.
Now, the end of their journey was almost here...the end of the journey from Hawthorne to Mackintosh, but it was just the beginning of the rest of their lives together. Their hearts pounded in anticipation of seeing Johnny and meeting Jeff and the twins. Nothing in the world could upset the happiness the two were experiencing when they reached Mackintosh city limits.
"My God, Steve," Wade exclaimed. "Look at all the shops...and the houses! They look like something from a fairy tale. It's a whole new world!"
"Johnny told me that the townsfolk built everything by hand, but I never expected anything like this. I told you that Mackintosh was created as a respite for people with AIDS and HIV. I don't know why I thought it would be gloomy and depressing, but just seeing as little of Mackintosh as I have, I feel like gettin' out of the car and dancin' down the street. It's beautiful, Wade! I only hope that my mom comes to visit, this place will seem like a haven to her."
"You probably have some idea of what my mom would say about it!" Wade said.
"No, no, no, we're not gonna think or talk about your mom. This is OUR life now...yours and mine and we're gonna be happy from now on."
"In the past few days, have you stopped and wondered how we could've been just buddies all those years and now, we're in love. Nothing changed really. We're still the same Steve and Wade that have always known each other..."
"But now, we're a family," Steve said, cutting off Wade's remark.
"I hadn't thought of it like that, but we ARE! We're a family!" Wade, all but shouted. "I love you so much, Steve."
"And I love you just as much, my little guy."
"I like it when you say things like that...'my little guy'. I AM your little guy. I belong to you, heart and soul...and you...you're mine."
Steve almost steered his car off the road as Wade made a lunge to kiss him. Ten minutes later they drove into Jeff and Johnny's driveway. Jeff stayed inside the house to be with the twins while Johnny went to Steve's car to welcome him.
Steve bounced out of the car and grabbed Johnny around the waist and spun him around as he had often done when they were teenagers. Johnny responded with a tight hug hold on his cousin.
"Good Lord, Johnny, you look great!" Steve exclaimed.
"You don't look so bad yourself!" Johnny replied. When Steve released Johnny, Johnny took a step backward to get a good long look at Steve and said, "Well, you certainly don't look gay!", a remark which made both cousins laugh out loud.
"Want some proof?" Steve joked.
"Not THAT kind," Johnny replied.
"Stupid, I wasn't trying to put the make on you, I want you to meet the guy that brought me out. Come here, Wade."
Wade, timidly got out of the car to meet Johnny.
"Cuz, this is my...my boyfriend, my lover, my other half, and the person I love most in this world. Johnny, this is Wade."
"Please to meet you, Johnny," Wade said putting out his hand.
Johnny wanted to make Wade comfortable in what might have been an embarrassing situation and Johnny did not take Wade's hand. Instead, Johnny put out his arms and embraced Wade.
"This is the way southerners greet one another," Johnny said, "especially kin folk."
Wade felt relieved by Johnny's instant acceptance of him and reacted by hugging Johnny.
Johnny released him and said, "You must really be quite a guy to make the biggest stud in Hawthorne give up about a million girls and cross over to the male side of the pasture."
"I...I don't know if it was me, exactly, I...it was Steve who made me find out about myself," Wade said.
"It doesn't matter who did what to whom," Johnny said. "The important thing is you found each other and that's what counts. I don't want to ask personal questions standing here in the driveway, Wade, but do you go to church? Do you believe in God?"
"He was practically raised as a holy roller," Steve jutted in.
"Then, it's obvious who brought you two together. Jeff and I believe that when someone finds his soulmate, it's an act of God and it was meant to be."
Johnny's explanation had never occurred to Wade, but suddenly a lot of things made sense to him. Maybe it was God that had brought him and Steve to an understanding about their true feelings. Wade's face lit up with a pseudo-spiritual countenance and he knew he liked Johnny, instantly. He and Steve were not going to be judged by anyone. If Jeff was anything like Johnny, and there was little doubt, coming to Mackintosh was the right thing to do.
"Come on in, you two, we'll get your bags later. I want you to meet the rest of your new family," Johnny said, putting an arm around each, Steve and Wade, and walking them into the house.
Jeff was seated on the couch with two bassinettes in front of him. He arose to meet his guests.
"Steve, Wade, this is my lifetime mate, Jeff."
"Hello, Father," Wade said.
"Hi, Jeff," Steve added.
"No, no," Jeff said to Wade, "none of that 'Father' stuff if we're going to be family. I'm just plain Jeff, or Cousin Jeff, whichever you prefer."
"OK, Jeff," Wade corrected himself.
"Well, the three of you...don't be shy," Johnny said, "let's see some hugging and kissing among you."
Jeff embraced Steve and Wade in a triangular hug and Johnny joined in to make it a quartet.
Jeff said, "Steve I could've picked you out of a crowd of ten thousand. You and Johnny could pass for brothers."
"Only I'm better looking, right?" Johnny kidded.
"I would say that," Jeff joked, "I don't remember you ever having a stud reputation if what you said about Steve is true."
"Oh, it's true all right," Johnny said. "I just never seemed to find any guys who were brave enough to be attracted to me whenever I went to Hawthorne to visit Steve."
"Johnny's right, Jeff. I had no idea that ANYONE in Hawthorne even had gay thoughts until about the last week I spent down there and suddenly the whole town was crawling with gay guys...most of them were my best friends. I hope I don't embarrass Wade by sayin' this, but Wade was my first and only."
"I don't mind your telling them that. It makes me feel more secure," Wade spoke up.
"You see," Steve interrupted, "Wade can say that, but I can't. I wasn't his first. I was his second."
"Well, it was your own fault, if you'd've gotten your way with Noah, there might not have been a 'you and me'."
The mention of Noah created a sudden quietus on the moment. As soon as Johnny heard Noah's name, he gave a somber look at Jeff and Jeff knew immediately about his agreement to break the bad news to Steve and Wade. Steve sensed something serious had just happened or was about to occur when he looked at Johnny and Jeff's faces.
"What's wrong, Johnny? You looked like you've just seen a ghost," Steve said.
"Nothing, I thought I heard one of the babies about to cry," Johnny lied. "Both of you come over here and meet your new cousins, Little Cliff and Little Roger."
Johnny picked up Little Roger and handed him to Steve and then gave Little Cliff to Wade.
"They're beautiful," Wade said. "They are really identical."
"Get used to holding them, Jeff and I might want to put you on baby patrol real soon," Johnny said.
Steve, nor Wade, had ever held a baby before. They tried to hold the twins gingerly but firmly.
"They won't break," Johnny jested. "Who knows? If you get into the routine you might want one or two of your own some day."
"I...I don't know about that just yet," Steve said. "Havin' kids is a long ways off."
"Still using condoms, huh?" Johnny joked while Wade blushed, then the four of them broke into laughter. "Wade, why don't you and I go out to the car and get your bags and stuff. I think Jeff wants to talk privately with Steve."
"Oh?" Steve and Wade said together.
"Yeah, Jeff wants to talk to him about...about, oh, some kind of job he might be interested in applying for," Johnny lied again.
"OK," Wade said.
Johnny and Wade went back to the car, leaving Steve with Jeff and the twins.
"What kind of job?" Steve asked. "I didn't expect to get an offer so soon. I just got here in Mackintosh."
"Sit down, Steve," Jeff said, putting the two babes into their cribs. "I...I don't want to talk to you about a job...at least not yet. It's something important that I have to say to you and I guess Johnny didn't want Wade to hear."
Steve sensed the seriousness of Jeff's voice. "What is it, Jeff?"
"Steve, your mother called Johnny two nights ago."
"My mother? Is she all right?"
"I didn't speak to her, but your mother is fine."
"I don't understand. Why would she call Johnny with something you're gonna tell me."
"I suppose your mother and Johnny felt that since I was a priest and I've had more experience in...in baring bad tidings."
"Jeff, I'm sorry but you're scaring the hell out of me. What is it?"
"A couple of seconds ago, Wade mentioned a guy named Noah. I hope you won't be angry with Johnny, but I was here the night you called Johnny about a Hawthorne boy you were interested in at the time. You and Johnny had quite a long conversation about gay sex. When Johnny hung up the phone, he relayed your conversation to me."
"And?"
"That was Noah, wasn't it?"
"As a matter of fact it was. You also should have picked up on what else Wade said, I never had sex with Noah. It wasn't that I didn't' want to, it's just that things worked out with Wade and me instead."
"Then, I'm more grateful than ever that the two of you have one another."
"But what's this got to do with my mother and Noah?"
"Steve, I don't know any other way of telling you than, your mother called to say that Noah is dead."
"WHAT??? OH, MY GOD! What happened?" Steve's heart was pounding against his chest.
"Steve, he was murdered."
"OH, MY GOD, NO!!!" Steve shouted. "Was he in Hawthorne or in Chattanooga?"
"He was found just outside Chattanooga. He was naked. The coroner said he had been raped and apparently strangled to death."
"Who did it, for Christ's sake?"
"Some of Noah's schoolmates saw him getting into a car at the entrance to the school with a young blonde male before they drove off. Noah didn't return that night or the next. His body was found three days later."
"Did they catch the guy that did it to him?"
"Your mother didn't know, but apparently not."
Steve's fear turned to tears. "Oh, Jesus, Jesus, Jesus, why...? I loved Noah...and what Wade said was true, I think if I'd had relations with him...I ...I, well, I don't know what would have happened between Noah and me. I guess I'll never know now."
Jeff moved closer to Steve on the couch and put an arm around him as Steve wept.
Steve continued, "I guess I'd better tell Wade not to unpack our things, we should just head on back to Hawthorne."
"NO! That's what your mother told Johnny for you NOT to do. She said he would be buried in Hawthorne by the time you tried to return. There was nothing you could do. There was nothing for ANYONE to do. It's all up to the Hamilton County detectives to catch the guy and bring him to justice."
"Oh, God, Jeff! None of this had to happen! Not Noah! He...he was a little flirt and sometimes carried a joke a bit too far, but he didn't deserve this! Oh God, this is going to be as rough on Wade as it is to me."
"How so?" Jeff asked.
"I know I'm telling tales out of school, but you're a priest, and I suppose 'family' now, but Wade and Noah lost their virginity to each other, the day before Wade and I hooked up for the first time."
"Good heavens! Neither Johnny nor I knew."
"No one did...just Noah, Wade, and me."
"Steve, do you want me to tell Wade?"
"Yes, please! Let me go to the bathroom before he and Johnny return and I'll wash my face and wait in there until you've told him."
"Steve, please come back soon. I think you should be here to comfort Wade and he, you. You are going to need each other a lot to get over this tragedy."
"I STILL can't believe it!"
"I know. I've been dreading the thought of having to tell you, but remember you have Johnny and me now and I hope we're going to stay together for a long time."
"I think...I think I hope so, too."
"Maybe there was some kind of conflict between you and Johnny in the past, but that's all erased now. We are going to be as close as brothers, the two of you and Johnny and me. My real brother and his lover live about ten minutes from here. You're going to have more friends, brothers, and caring neighbors than you've ever known before. There's an unbreakable chain that links us all together in Mackintosh and you'll soon feel a part of it."
"Jeff, all this gay love business is so new to me. What Johnny told you about me is true. I'm the last person in the world who could ever fall in love with another guy. I couldn't understand how two guys could do that and lead a normal life. But...but, seeing you and Johnny together...and your two kids. Everything seems to make sense now. I can see why Johnny fell in love with you. I can see why no girl in the world would ever be right for him. You're what he wanted and he has you."
"Yes, Steve, and you and Wade have each other in the same way. You say you love each other now, but just wait, your love for him will grow every day and every night. You'll become as one person, one entity that will be joined for the rest of your lives."
"Jeff, I've changed my mind," Steve said. "I think it's best if I tell Wade about Noah."
"Johnny and I will be close by if you need us," Jeff said.
"Oh, I'm gonna need you...a lot! And so will Wade. I don't mean right now, but times in the future, I'm sure."
"That's great of you to say that. I can only hope that you and Wade will be there if Johnny or I should need you."
"You better believe it!" Steve exclaimed, hugging Jeff. "You know, I've only known you fifteen minutes and yet, I feel like I love you as a best friend or brother already."
"That's the nicest thing you could've said to me, Steve."
"Well, I meant it!"
Johnny had stalled outside with Wade to give Jeff ample time to talk with Steve. Johnny had taken Wade to the back of the house to look at the view of the valley and distant mountains before unpacking the car. Wade felt the same sensation that Steve had expressed. Being with Johnny reminded Wade so much of Steve. The cousins remarkable resemblance went beyond good looks, Johnny and Steve's personalities were similar. They spoke with authority but had a good sense of humor and both had big hearts. Wade felt as if he had known Johnny all his life.
Johnny, on the other hand, was so used to meeting strangers and clients for many years, trying to make them feel comfortable and safe. Wade was his cousin's new lover, so he was more than just a client to Johnny. They almost had acquired a big brother/little brother relationship in their first meeting.
Wade was surprised when he turned around to see Steve joining them. Steve gave Johnny some excuse that Jeff needed him in the house so that he could be alone with Wade to tell him about Noah. Johnny got the drift and left the two of them alone in the backyard.
Once inside the house Johnny and Jeff went into the kitchen and peered outside to watch as Steve gently told Wade what had happened. Wade got a look of shock on his face and sank to his knees bursting into tears. Steve dropped to his knees to put his arms around Wade, consoling him. Steve was crying too.
Johnny and Jeff let the two young lovers comfort each other while they went to Steve's car and got the luggage and brought it inside to the room which they had prepared for the new residents. Shortly, Steve and Wade came back into the house, both trying to force smiles through their sorrow. Johnny and Jeff went to them and once again embraced.
The bad news had been revealed and the healing process had begun. The four of them would be close for years to come.
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In three days, Ryan, Kyle, Little Pete and Danny were set to embark on their undetermined time limited excursion to Europe and places to be named later. Not knowing how long they would stay where, choosing the proper wardrobe was a problem, meaning they would have to pack summer clothes as well as being prepared for countries with a colder climate requiring jackets, gloves, etc.
The travel arrangements and planning had been made at Briarwood Travels Unlimited. Kyle drove down to pick up the tickets, passports, and travel itinerary. Danny's school teachers weren't aware of Ryan's illness, which was the primary reason for the trip, but they were delighted that Danny would get to see so much of the world at such a young age. A picture of the Tower of London or the Taj Mahal can say a thousand words, but seeing the real thing was immeasurable.
Ryan had had a long chat and a final physical exam by Harvey Whitman at the Institute and Harvey had prescribed every known medicine that Ryan might need in case they were needed unexpectedly, especially if there were no pharmacies available in the foreign countries, including steroids to build muscle tissue, antibiotics, pain killers, and a massive amount of vitamins. There were so many bottles of pills, it took a small extra suitcase to tote them. Ryan joked that he might be arrested for being a drug pusher if he were to be questioned in customs. Harvey had written an affidavit that the pharmaceuticals had been prescribed by him and his personal phone number at Cole if there should be any problem.
Jay had bought the kids a small laptop DVD player with a DVD disc carrier which held twenty of the most popular Disney classics. Both, Danny and Little Pete could probably recite every line of dialogue and sing every Disney song from memory and never seemed to get tired of watching them over and over. Danny's favorite was "Peter Pan" while Little Danny loved 'Scamp' from "Lady and the Tramp-Part Two".
Cliff offered to take the family of four to the airport and give them his blessing for the trip. Even though St. Christopher was out of favor with the Vatican, Troy had bought four medallions of the traveler's saint for luck or just in case old Christopher might still have some power in other parts of the world. Kyle, Ryan, Danny, and Little Pete were delighted with their gifts.
Kyle returned home with the tickets and several other items he bought downtown. He opened the door to his house and found Danny and Little Pete in the den, surfing page after page on the computer which was linked to "Mr. Roger's Neighborhood" website. Kyle pause at the door to look and listen as his two sons sang, "It's You I Like", with Mr. Rogers. Kyle smiled and thanked God that there had been a Fred Rogers for the ages. Kyle had learned Fred's song twenty years earlier on PBS and sang along with the boys.
"It's you I like, It's not the things you wear, It's not the way you do your hair-- But it's you I like The way you are right now, The way down deep inside you-- Not the things that hide you, Not your toys-- They're just beside you. But it's you I like-- Every part of you, Your skin, your eyes, your feelings Whether old or new. I hope that you'll remember Even when you're feeling blue That it's you I like, It's you yourself, It's you, it's you I like."
Kyle thought how wonderful it is to re-live your youth through your own children. He smiled and walked down the hall to the bedroom to deposit his bundles on the desk. The bed was empty but rumpled where Ryan had been resting. Kyle assumed that Ryan was in the bathroom.
"Hey, Lucy, I'm home!" Kyle shouted in his best Arnazian accent. He waited for a reply from Ryan, but none came. "Hey, LUCY!"...still nothing. "Ryan?"..."Honey?"..."Sweetheart?". A surge of panic struck Kyle in the pit of his stomach as he ran to the bathroom.
Ryan was lying on the floor next to the toilet. His pajama bottoms were around his ankles, appearing that he had fallen while sitting on the commode. His breathing was erratic and his eyes clinched as if he was in great pain.
Kyle screamed, "Ryan! My God! What happened?"
"I...uh...fell, I guess," Ryan replied through a strained whisper. "I think I hit my head on the side of the lavatory."
Kyle could see the mark on Ryan's left temple. He reached for a washcloth and moistened it under the cold tap, then squatted and began to wash Ryan's face gently. The coolness of the wet cloth felt good to Ryan.
"Ryan, can you tell me what happened?"
"I...I'm not sure. I felt fine walking from the bed to the toilet. I sat down and...and it was like all the muscles in my body collapsed. I had this...this tingling sensation...and...and I knew I didn't have enough strength to stay balanced on the toilet seat. I...I tried to...to steady myself by holding on to the side of the lavatory, but my hand was too weak to hold on...and...and then I fell."
"Sweetheart, don't move," Kyle said, "I'm calling for an ambulance."
Kyle rushed to his cell phone he had dropped on the desk and quickly dialed "911".
An hour later Kyle was sitting in the waiting room of the ER at Cole, nervous as hell. It had been years since his old bar-cruising days that he craved a cigarette. Of course with the new no-smoking rules in every conceivable building in the United States, he knew he would have to go outside to light up and perhaps miss word on Ryan's condition. Twenty years ago, Kyle would have gone through half a pack of Marlboro 100's in an hour's time when he was fidgety. None of the Briarwood boys smoked now, as all of them had in the past. Leave it to Jay to come up with the reason that there was so much hubbub about smoking. Granted, smoking was and is an addiction, but Jay's theory was that the anti-smoking laws resonated from former smokers who had quit and it drove them crazy to see someone else light up. Non-smokers or people whom had never started rarely criticized secondhand smoke because they had never had the reason to fight the addiction. They never seemed to complain. But, let some old codger with COPD or emphysema get a whiff of the smoke and he'd immediately ask the smoker to dowse the fag.
Dr. Clay Lawson was the attending physician on duty in the ER. He was a young dashing physician around 30-35 years old...unmarried, great body, and a facial countenance that would rival a soap opera lead with streaked blonde hair, ruddy complexion, and cold blue eyes. Many nurses had been shunned by their advances toward him. He was either a very dedicated physician or a "friend of Dorothy's" or both. As luck would have it, Clay, had written a thesis for his doctorate on Hodgkin's disease. His father had died from it years ago and since in many cases it was hereditary and the gene might be passed on to him. He came out of the examining room and met Kyle.
"How is he?" Kyle asked, anxiously.
"Kyle, let's sit down and have a talk."
"I...I'm always reticent and fear for the worse when someone asks me to sit down and talk. It's usually bad news."
"I'm afraid, this situation is as you feared," Clay said.
"Ryan's very sick, isn't he?"
"I'm afraid so...VERY sick."
"But, I thought everything was in remission. We were ready to leave on our trip. He...he looked perfectly fine earlier today."
"Normally, I would say that he could rally and bounce back, but reading his history...I hope you won't get angry, but I took the liberty of reading your case history after reading Ryan's, just to see if either of you had ever had a similar illness together, such as STD's, hepatitis...things which some gay couples sometimes experience. I...I read that you came to Cole to be treated for AIDS a few years ago."
"Yes, but Dr. Ed pronounced me totally cured. My AIDS went into remission four or five years ago...and what's more, Ryan never was HIV positive, nor did he have AIDS!"
"Just the same, I DID check him and you're right, he was HIV and AIDS free. Maybe it was from a childhood illness or some disease Ryan had before the two of you met...but something caused irreparable damage to his immune system. Not having access to his early medical records, we have been unable to find what it was...but this SOMETHING seemed to lying dormant or on hold for many years...just as AIDS might...or hepatitis C. That often doesn't come to fruition until twenty or thirty years after a person has contracted it. But now with the onslaught of Hodgkin's, there doesn't seem to be enough immune efficiency in his body to combat the new illness. Ryan's war pawns just seemed to have run out of steam and there's practically nothing left to combat a major disease or illness."
"Are you saying that he's dying?"
"I'm sorry," Clay said, calmly but firmly.
"Oh, my God," Kyle uttered, on the verge of tears. "Everything was arranged for the four of us, Ryan, myself, and our two boys. We had travel plans for Europe, Africa, Asia, particularly India and Tibet. Ryan wanted to see the Dalai Lama."
"I know how disappointing and shocking this must be to you...to all FOUR of you."
"Clay, will he get better enough to come home?"
"Kyle, I wouldn't count on it."
"Oh, Jesus Christ! I can't imagine going home without him knowing he'll never see it again."
"Kyle, is there someone I can call to be with you?" Clay offered.
"I want Cliff here...Father Cliff," Kyle said, and quickly added, "And Roger."
"Certainly. I'll call Mr. Cole, myself."
"Can I see him...Ryan, I mean?"
"Sure, he's a bit lethargic. I've given him some steroids and some pain medication. Why don't you go into the room and visit with him while I make the call?"
"Thanks, Clay."
The two of the stood up simultaneously and Clay offered his hand to Kyle. The moment was too much for Kyle, he embraced Clay and began to sob on his shoulder. Clay held Kyle fervently, letting his hand go up and down Kyle's back in a gesture of comfort. They stood locked together for several minutes until Kyle regained some sense of composure. Clay had a packet of hospital tissue in his white doctor's coat and gave them to Kyle to wipe his eyes, face, and blow his nose. Finally, Kyle got a grip on himself, sighed, swallowed deeply and headed toward the examination room where Ryan was. Clay watched as Kyle walked bravely across the room and entered the swinging doors before he went to make the call to Cliff and Roger. God! How Clay hated to break news of sadness to a family member, but this was all part of his medical territory. He'd told many people about the impending doom of their loved ones and would do so, many times in the future...but it never got any easier.
Kyle entered Ryan's room and was a bit stunned when he saw the O-2 mask covering Ryan's face. Ryan had an IV in each arm and a multitude of wires stretching from his body to monitors with sprawling green lines of light beeping and racing across the screens. Kyle approached Ryan's bed cautiously and gently took Ryan's hand which was softly flaccid and cold. Kyle leaned over to kiss the back of the hand which caused Ryan to stir slightly and open his eyes.
"Hi, baby," Kyle said, with a sturdy effrontery so as not to break into tears.
Ryan smiled, as best he could under the mask and replied "Hi", which sounded more like "Humph".
"Are...are you in any pain?" Kyle asked.
Ryan replied by moving his head side to side.
"That's good," Kyle said. "I...uh...talked to Clay, your doctor, and he said you'd be sorta out of it for a couple of days until you get your strength back. You need lots of vitamins and rest...so that we can leave on our trip," Kyle said, cheerfully lying. "We...we've been through lots together and we always seem to manage to come out smelling like a gardenia bush in May. We...we'll get through this too."
Even though Ryan's thinking was muddled by his weakness and the medication, he knew his lover too well. He knew exactly when and if Kyle was lying. Kyle WAS lying, but he didn't want to break the spell of the web of lies Kyle was spinning for both their sakes.
Kyle took his hand away from Ryan's and walked across the room to drag a chair next to the bed. He sat and once again gently grabbed Ryan's hand to hold. Ryan closed his eyes, pretending to sleep. He didn't want to hear any more news of the trip that they would never take. He didn't want to upset his lover, nor did he want to dwell on the inevitable.
Kyle was unaware that he was rocking. He started humming a Streisand tune, "Why Did I Choose You", making it sound like a lullaby.
"Why did I choose you?
What did I see in you?
I saw the heart you hide so well
I saw a quiet man who had a gentle way
A way that caught me in its glowing spell
Why did I want you?
What could you offer me?
A love to last a life time through
And when I lost my heart so many years ago,
I lost it lovingly and willingly to you...
If I had to choose again,
I would still choose you..."
Kyle sat there beside Ryan for an hour or so, hushed, just the two of them until Cliff and Roger arrived.
<><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood"---BOOK EIGHT--chapter--eighty-one.)
"Why Did I Choose You?"
from the Broadway musical, "The Yearling"
Lyrics by Herbert Martin, Music by Michael Leonard
copyright 1965