Briarwood

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

"BRIARWOOD"

Copyright Ritchris, 2005

aka "Whence Cometh My Help"

Copyright Ritchris, 2003

Revised Version

A dramatic saga

by

Ritch Christopher

<><><><><>

BOOK SIX

"BRIARWOOD U"

Chapter-Sixty-five

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

Cliff had a special joy in his heart as he looked out over his eleven o' clock mass and saw seated in the fourth pew on his right, Roger, of course, and next to him, Mike, Tom, (his first visit), and regular St. Genesius members, Howie and Phil. Even though they were non-Anglicans, Tom and Mike came forward to accept communion when Cliff offered it. As Mike knelt at the altar railing beside Tom, he felt as if his arm had been jolted by electricity. Tom's shoulder touched his and Mike suddenly felt like a true sinner as he felt himself getting aroused in his new suit pants. This was not the time to think bad thoughts; he was about to receive the flesh and blood of Jesus Christ. Surely God would punish him for lack of self control at such a serious moment. Cliff stopped to bless the two of them by placing his hand on each of their heads, then making the sign of the cross on their foreheads.

Tom received a spiritual epiphany at Cliff's touch and felt that all he had been through the past week was truly past and that he had been forgiven for any wrong-doing on his part.

Cliff finished the mass and soon everyone exited to go home. Howie, Phil, and Tom had come together in Howie's car with the plan of all three going to Cliff's as guests for lunch.

Jay, of course, had prepared a lunch which would've rivaled the banquet at a Roman orgy with a choice of entrees--lamb, beef, fowl, or fish. The long dining room table was set with twelve place settings. Cliff, Roger, Kyle, Ryan, and their two kids, Little Pete and Danny, Tom, Phil, Howie, Mike, Troy, and himself.

Mike looked at his new 'family' in awe. This was the first time he had seen Kyle and Ryan with their adopted boys. He realized at first glance that living with them, as Jeff had suggested, wouldn't have been bad. Mike slowly looked at each person sitting at the table and had never seen such a conglomeration of handsome guys. He felt as if he were the only ugly guy in the room, which wasn't true, because in spite of just being sixteen years old, Mike was a beautiful teenager. He actually had nothing to feel inferior about in the 'looks' department.

Before they ate, Cliff blessed the meal and asked God to bless Nina and Jim, helping them to overcome Nina's crisis. Tom liked this, as maybe God could heal the wounds he had unintentionally inflicted on the Kerr household. Mike was in seventh heaven having been seated next to his new hero, Tom. Three or four times during lunch, Tom's knee had accidentally touched Mike's, sending shivers up Mike's spine. Mike kept wondering if Tom was doing this on purpose. Did Tom have the same kind of feeling toward him that he felt for Tom? 'Surely not!' Mike thought, 'we only met Friday night, and I'm sure he looks on me as a little kid.'

Cliff stood to make an announcement. "Boys, I know that Phil and Howie have their families here in Briarwood, but I would like all of you to come for Thanksgiving dinner. I've invited Jeff, Johnny, Alex, and Ted down from Mackintosh, which means Walter and Dave will be here. I also invited Timmy and Rob, if they can get away from their new show that's in rehearsal. It would be wonderful if all the Briarwood boys could assemble. Of course, Phil and Howie, if you would like to come also, I'd love to have you join us. Tom, I realize you have no family and I would be extremely gratified if you'd adopt our family and become one of us...and Mike, I don't guess you have any place else to go for Thanksgiving. I'm hoping you'll feel that you're one of us by then. The Briarwood boys haven't all been together in years and the holiday would be blessed with everyone reunited."

'Damn!' Mike thought...'all the 'Briarwood boys' are queer?...They MUST be! But they all act so straight! None of 'em look or act like fags!' Then he had another thought which terrified him slightly, 'I'm calling all of them queers and yet I'm being turned on by a guy myself! Am I queer, too?' At that moment, Tom's leg brushed against Mike's once more and Mike dropped his fork, hitting his plate loudly. Everyone looked at him, then they all laughed.

Jay left the table to go to the kitchen to bring the dessert. When he returned, he pushed a dessert tray with a two-tiered white cake with a raspberry and banana filling between the layers. There were candles glowing on the top tier and an inscription surrounded the bottom layer, written in purple icing. Jay pushed the cart all the way around the table. Everyone wondered whose birthday it might be until he stopped behind Mike's chair. Mike turned around and his face lit up like Times Square at night as he read, "Welcome to the Family, Mike!"

Mike broke into tears. He'd never had a cake before, even a birthday cake, in all of his sixteen years.

"This...this is for me?"

"There's no one else at the table named, 'Mike', so I guess it is," said Jay, softly. "Now make a wish and blow out your candles."

Mike hesitated and said, "There's nothing left to wish for. I've been given everything in the world since I got here Thursday night."

"Well, make a wish for somebody else," Jay said, "but hurry before the candles melt the icing!"

Mike thought long and hard, then blew out the candles. No one would ever know that his wish involved Tom. Everyone applauded and cheered, after which Jay cut the cake and passed twelve slices around the table. Everyone made small talk amongst themselves, pretending not to notice Mike trying to hold back tears.

"Roger?", Phil spoke up, "Do you mind my asking how Mrs. Kerr is doing?"

"She's doing fine, Phil," Roger said. "In fact, she's going home tomorrow."

"That's great!" Phil replied. Tom felt relief as best he could on hearing Roger's announcement.

When dessert was finished, Cliff told them that they could have their choice of entertainment for the afternoon. He had three new DVD's, including the newest Walt Disney for Little Pete and Danny or they could go into the game room, play pool, or dance to the new CD's, or play the piano and sing.

Mike was startled when Tom looked at him and asked, "What do you want to do, slugger?"

"I'm not sure," Mike replied, "I was thinkin' about puttin' on a jacket and going for a walk around the pool or across the field into the woods. I have to go to the hospital later tonight and I thought it might be good to go somewhere's outside."

"Would you mind if I joined you?" Tom asked.

"You serious?"

"Sure!"

"Well then, yeah!"

Kyle and Ryan walked over to Mike and said, "Mike, welcome to the family. We were hoping you'd come stay with us while you're getting help at the Institute."

"I'm sorry, I just don't know how to make friends fast."

"I know you'll be happy here with Father Cliff," Ryan said, "but I hope you WILL come to visit us and the kids."

"And if you want to sleep over," Kyle added, "or spend the weekend, we have plenty of room. We'd love to have you."

"Thanks, Kyle. Maybe I can baby-sit for you one night if you guys want to go out and do adult things."

"We'll take you up on that!" Kyle said, smiling.

"And we'll pay you, too!" Ryan offered.

"Shoot! You don't have to pay me," Mike said. "Right now, I got everything I need."

"Come over anyway and teach us how to play some video games. Our kids beat us at them all the time."

"I'm not very good, but I'll teach you what I know."

"It's a deal!" Kyle said.

Tom interrupted their conversation, "Hey, slugger! Go get your jacket! It's cold outside! Get a scarf and some gloves, too."

"OK!" Mike said. He ran up the winding stairs and was back in less than thirty seconds, donning his outdoor wear and the two of them started out the front door.

"Where you guys going?" Cliff asked.

"Just for a walk, Father," Tom said.

"That's fine. If you follow that path on the left side of the house, you'll see a little memorial plot with a mausoleum. It belongs to a young man who lived here before Roger and I moved in. You might check and see if the azaleas are still blooming. They're about the last flower that blooms in the fall."

"OK, we will!" Tom said.

"Have a nice walk, boys," Cliff called as Mike and Tom exited.

The two of them made the grand tour around the pool, then down the rose path. The autumn leaves covered the walkway. The color of the leaves was so vivid that they almost screamed, 'Look at me in all my beauty!' Tom put his hands in his pocket since he had not brought gloves with him. He wore a dark blue navy jacket and gray toboggan. Mike was wearing a new leather jacket with matching gloves and a leather golfer's hat which Jay had bought him the day before. It was a very cold afternoon with a brisk wind blowing from the north, shaking more and more leaves from the trees...but the warmth Mike felt inside made him unaware of the temperature.

Tom was the first to break the silently agreed-upon silence. "So you're going into the hospital tonight?"

"Yeah, for a few days," Mike replied.

"Cole is about the best hospital for whatever ails you."

"The two guys in Mackintosh I was stayin' with told me that."

"Well, they're right!"

"What about you, Tom, you ever been a patient in a hospital?"

"Oh, many times."

"Really? Did you go to Cole?"

"No, Briarwood is not my hometown. I only moved here in September."

"What were you in the hospital for?" Mike asked.

"Oh, several things. When I was a kid, around six, I had my tonsils out; then around twelve I had to have my appendix removed. Then I had my share of broken bones...from a couple of car wrecks and one or two fights I got into."

"I've never been in a hospital...even when I was born--my momma had me at home."

"You're not afraid, are you?"

"Naw--well, kinda."

"Just remember, the doctors and nurses are caregivers and they're there to take care of you."

"I don't know what all they'll do to me!"

"You're not afraid of needles, are you? I mean, like drawing blood and stuff like that?"

"I don't know. I had blood taken out of my arm in Mackintosh for the first time and it hurt like the dickens!"

"Just hold your breath or clench your teeth and it'll all be over in a minute. Then think how good you're gonna feel when they take the needle out!"

"Did anyone tell you why I'm going to the hospital?" Mike asked, cautiously.

"No. Do you want to tell me?"

"Not really."

"OK, I won't pry."

"You sure played a good game Friday night," Mike said, changing the subject.

"Aw, it was easy. Connor Tech was no opposition. We could've beat them with one arm and one leg tied behind our backs."

"I was talking about the way you threw the football. You knew just exactly where your receivers would be and you never once missed them."

"Do you play football, Mike?"

"Nope, I never had anyone to play with in Dothan."

"Alabama?"

"Yeah, you heard of it?"

"I've driven through Dothan several times on my way to Florida. You HAVE been to Florida, haven't you?"

"Nope. The only time I left home is when I hitch-hiked to Mackintosh, a few weeks ago."

"You got family in Dothan?"

"Nope, I ain't got no family anywhere. Everyone is dead."

"I guess you and I have that in common," Tom said. "Both of my folks are gone. I do have an uncle, but we're not really close."

Mike thought for a minute before speaking again. "Since you ain't got no family, do you ..do you ever get lonely?"

"Mike, I felt lonely BEFORE I lost my family."

"How can you say that?"

"My parents thought the only way to show love was with their money. If I ever wanted to go to the movies, or the zoo, or on a trip, they always paid somebody to take me. Never once did they go with me anywhere!"

"Does that mean you're rich?"

"I have enough in the bank to live on, mostly insurance money that came after my folks were killed."

"Well, maybe we're not so much alike. I've got no money in the bank. I got no money-- period!"

"Having money has never been important to me."

"That's 'cause you've never been without it."

"Did you have any friends in Dothan?"

"Nope, not one close friend."

"Did you have someone you could talk to, you know, about growing up, or things you were curious about?"

"I had Momma and she always answered me with some verse from the Bible. How about you, Tom? You got any close friends?"

"I did until about a week ago. Now I'm not sure if they're still my friends."

"What about the other football players? What about Howie and Phil? Are they your friends?"

"Yes, but not really close friends." Mike replied.

Neither of them spoke for the next few minutes as they walked. Finally it was Mike who broke the silence this time.

"Tom, if we got to know each other better, do you think we could be friends? I know I'm only a kid, but..."

"How old are you, Mike?"

"Sixteen."

"Well, I'm just a little over four years older than you. I don't see why we can't become friends. Since we both have no family, I think I'd like that."

"Really?" Mike could hardly believe his ears.

"I heard from someone that you went to New Hampshire to see your brother and when you got there, you found out he had died."

"Vince. Yeah."

"Were you and Vince close?"

"Not really. He left home when I was real little."

"And you never had a man to talk man-to-man with?"

"Really and truly, I never told any man anything private about me until I lived with Jeff and Johnny in Mackintosh."

"Well, let's say, sometime in the near future, when we become friends, how would you like it if I sorta became your big brother?"

Mike's heart skipped a beat before he answered. "Yeah, I think I'd like that, Tom."

"Let's say we let time pass for the moment, and we're already friends and I'm already your big brother, is there anything you want to ask me or tell me?"

"Maybe, but I'm not quite ready."

"OK, but remember, just between us, if there ever IS, just ask. OK?"

"Will you come to visit me in the hospital?"

"If you want me to."

"I'd like that."

"Then count on it. Also, if there's anything you want me to bring, let me know...books, magazines, candy...anything!"

As they walked, they came upon a tiny cemetery on the manse grounds. There was the mausoleum standing quietly. Leaves were piling up on all four sides of the tiny building Just as Cliff had told them, a fifteen year old boy was buried here. The name on that marker read, 'Kendall Geoffrey Marsden'. Even though the young boy's identity remained a mystery to them. He must've been pretty special to have been buried on the Cole estate, they thought.

Mike quickly did the math, "This guy was only fifteen, a year younger than me. I wonder...if I died in the next year, where I would be buried? And who'd care enough to bury me?"

"Don't even think such a thing. You're not going to die next year or for many years to come!" Tom said firmly.

"I might, Tom!"

"You're not sick, are you?"

"Why do you think they're running tests on me, starting tomorrow?"

"I don't know...for lots of reasons."

"Yeah, but you don't know what I know!"

"Something you want to tell me...your 'big brother'?"

Mike dropped his head and took a deep breath to fight off his impending tears.

"Tom...you're gonna find out anyways, so I might as well tell you myself. I'm HIV positive."

Tom didn't respond.

"You knew about it, didn't you, Tom"

"No, frankly, I didn't."

"Well, you know NOW...and if you don't want to be friends any more or if you're scared to be around me, I'll understand." With that speech, Mike started crying. Tom walked over to him and put his arms around the boy to let him cry into Tom's heavy wool Navy peacoat. Tom placed his right hand on the back of Mike's head and began to stroke his hair while Mike wept.

"Come on, Mike...come on, little guy...slugger. You're not going to die. You're gonna have the best doctors and the best medicine in the world and you're gonna get well. Trust me! Father Cliff and Roger are not gonna let you die. You've got God AND the Cole Institute on your side, and there's no way either of them are gonna let you get away before you live to be at least seventy five years of age, and by that time, I';; be nearly eighty and I'll need you to push my wheelchair for me at the nursing home. I mean, who else is gonna push it for me if you're not here?"

In a quick gesture, Mike suddenly put both arms around Tom's back and hugged him for dear life. Tom took the cue and did likewise to Mike. They held each other as if they were the last two people on the earth. For the moment, nothing else mattered to each of them. Mike forgot he had no family. Tom, suddenly, no longer thought about Jim or Nina...or Harm, Each of them seemed to fill the other's need. Each of them was afraid to face the other, for fear what their faces would say. Mike was embracing his hero and Tom kept wondering why he was holding this kid so tightly, a kid that he hardly knew. They were bonding in a way that neither of them could comprehend, much less, put into words.

Gently, Tom put his hand under Mike's chin to lift his face and look into his eyes.

"Mike..." Tom said, almost in a whisper, "would you be angry if I kissed you?"

Mike looked into Tom's eyes and slowly shook his head as he awaited to feel Tom's lips upon his. It was not a romantic kiss with tongues, just a tender brush of two pair of lips. Mike closed his eyes and imagined he was in the middle of a dream...but what was to follow? Would he awaken and find out that it was only the beginning of a nightmare?

When Tom withdrew, he asked, "Did that upset you?"

"Yeah, but in a nice way."

"Are you mad at me?"

"No, I could've stopped you if I'd had mind to do so."

"Perhaps I should be mad at myself," Tom said.

"Why?"

"I've never kissed anyone younger than myself. I felt strange--as if I were taking advantage of a..."

"Go on! Say it!" Mike replied, almost angry. "A KID! Is that what you thought you were doing? Taking advantage of a little kid?"

"I'm sorry, Mike, if you took offence."

"Tom, I got no family and no one bosses me around. I'm in charge of my own life now and no one tells me what I should or shouldn't do. So, if I say it's OK for you to kiss me, then, it's OK...and that's all there is to it!"

Tom didn't reply, he just kept looking deeply into Mike's eyes, afraid to smile at Mike's outburst.

"Just why DID you kiss me, Tom?"

"I'm not really sure, Mike. It was just that, at the moment, you seemed so lost, like you had no one else in the world---as I have felt myself, nearly all my life. I won't go into details, but a couple of days ago, I said goodbye to someone that loved me very much."

"Did the person die or move away?"

"No."

"Then why did you say goodbye. Didn't YOU love that person?"

"I thought I did...maybe I did... Maybe I still do...."

"Boy, if someone ever loves me, I sure as shootin' ain't gonna say good bye to her. I'm gonna try to love her back."

"The whole thing was so damned complicated."

"You wanna tell your new 'friend' about it?"

"I can't Mike, without mentioning names."

"All right, can you tell me this? Was it a he or a she?"

"I'm afraid it was a 'he'."

"I heard some guys talkin' about gay marriages when I was in Mackintosh, and they all said that gay marriages never last. One guy is always hornier than the other and they bust up as soon as the horny one is unfaithful to his partner. Were YOU the one that was horny...or was it the other guy?"

"Neither of us, Mike. Maybe it would've been better if one of us HAD been unfaithful. Then the breakup would have seemed to make more sense."

"Did he feel the same way about you?"

"I'm afraid his feelings for me were stronger than my feelings for him."

"Then why don't you call him on the phone, or go visit him and patch things up?"

"Because breaking up was the best thing to do."

"Sorry, Tom, but I don't follow you."

"I know. I was afraid telling you part of it would make it difficult for you to understand. I don't understand all of it myself."

Mike paused before speaking.

"Then that kiss that you gave me really meant nothin' to you, did it?"

"It meant a lot, Mike, believe me. I meant to kiss you...It's just that all my life, I've been hurt, and I seem to go around hurting other people constantly."

"And it had nothing to do with my being HIV positive?"

"OF COURSE NOT, MIKE...GEE WHIZ! I've been to bed with dozens of guys who were positive...some of 'em even had full blown AIDS. I learned a long time ago how to practice safe sex."

"And you're HIV negative?"

"Completely!"

"Sometimes I wish that Johnny had never told me I was HIV positive. Momma used to say you could live a whole happy life by not knowing too much. There was this woman who lived two houses down from us in Dothan, Mrs. Bailey. She was always complaining about being sick and stuff. Anyway, she told Momma that she thought she had breast cancer, but was too afraid to go to the doctor to find out. Finally, she went and the doctor told her she was right...she DID have breast cancer, but it was too late to do anything to save her. So the next six months she stayed home and cried. Her last six months on earth were terrible for her. Momma said if the doctor couldn't save her and she was gonna die in six months anyway, why tell her and make her last six months be happy in ignorance?"

"Your momma sorta saw things logically, it seems."

"She might have been dumb in school subjects, but she was smarter than most people in lots of ways."

"There's only one thing that outweighs your mother's logic. Mrs. Bailey didn't have Roger at the Institute and Father Cliff at St. Genesius to look out after her like you do. You're gonna get well and I'm gonna see to it!"

"Promise?" Mike said, bright-eyed with sudden hope.

"I said it and I mean it!"

"Do you think I can come to your next game?"

"It's the weekend of Thanksgiving and I know damned well that Father Cliff and Dr. Roger will be there...and so will you. Now---have you walked enough? Are you ready to go back inside where it's warm?"

"I suppose...but it's been so great talkin' to you like this...especially--the kiss."

"Just don't slip and tell anyone else about it! OK, Mike?"

"Yep, that's between us friends."

The two of them walked slowly back to the house to join the rest of the party. As soon as they entered the foyer, Cliff was there to greet them."

"You guys have a nice walk? Weren't you cold?" Cliff asked.

"It wasn't so bad, was it, Tom?" Mike replied.

"No, I was plenty warm."

"That's good," Cliff said. "Mike, why don't you go upstairs and hang up your jacket and put away your gloves and hat while I talk with Tom for a second?"

"OK, be right back." Mike said, turning and rushing up the stairs.

"He's quite a kid," Tom said.

"Yes, and he's sorta taken by you, Tom."

"That's just quarterback hero-worship. I get it from every girl at BU. I'm used to it and know how to handle it!"

"There are two things I wanted to talk to you about," Cliff said.

"OK."

"Let's go into my study where we can talk in privacy."

Tom followed Cliff into the study. Cliff indicated a large leather chair for him to sit in. He offered Tom a Havana cigar, which Tom declined, and a snifter of brandy, which Tom accepted with thanks.

"First of all," Cliff started, "you KNOW that I'm going to ask what's going on between you and Jim. Now, before you say anything at all, let me mention that I realize the love-triangle dilemma you've been in. I've sort've been in a similar dilemma myself ever since Jim told me about you. I've acted as a kind of mediator and message carrier between you two. As a matter of fact, both you and Jim have told me things which I was obliged not to mention to either of you on your wishes and on my vow sanctioned by my priesthood. So, what gives?" Cliff asked.

"It's over, Father, plain and simple...it's over."

"Was that a mutual agreement between the two of you?"

"Not really, it was sort of a mutual agreement I made for BOTH of us."

"I see...and how did Jim react when you told him?"

"He was hurt, naturally, but I figured once he got Nina home and started taking care of her, he'd forget all about me and our...relationship."

"If it's true love, one doesn't get over love that quickly or that easily."

"Father, I loved Jim...but I also learned to care for Nina...and I felt like a fifth wheel on a wagon which was going nowhere. I couldn't love myself OR Jim, if I knew that I had hurt Nina...and I DID! Both of us DID...ME AND JIM!"

"Perhaps I'm telling you something which I shouldn't, but Jim told me that Nina and he decided to wait for two weeks and then get together with you and sort out the problem, after the dust had settled, so to speak."

"I didn't know about the 'two weeks'."

"I didn't think you did. But I thought it was a good plan, looking on as an outsider."

"Looks like I jumped the gun before all the targets were in place." Tom said, sighing.

"It's not too late," Cliff comforted him. "Wait out the two weeks and see what happens. In the meantime. go back to practice in the afternoons, be cordial and friendly to Jim. Don't start an argument...but be the best quarterback possible for the Thanksgiving game! Think you can manage that?"

"Yes sir!"

"Good, we'll leave that topic where it stands."

"You said you wanted to talk to me about a couple of things. What's the other?"

"Mike."

"Oh? What's with Mike?"

"Again, I'm telling you something that, perhaps, I shouldn't, but since it wasn't told to me in the confessional, I'm not really breaking a vow."

"OK, tell me, Father."

"Again, I bring up the hero worship that Mike feels for you. I talked to Father Jeff in Mackintosh about it and told him how I thought Mike felt about you. Mike lived with Jeff and his partner, Johnny, for a few weeks before they sent him here to Briarwood. Jeff wanted me to talk with you and ask you to treat him with kid gloves. He's a fragile boy, not experienced in the cold hard world that most of us have lived in. Since he moved in with Roger and me Thursday night, he's been like Alice in Wonderland. Roger, Jay, Troy, and myself have all tried to make up, in two days, all the joys and treasures he's been deprived of his whole life."

"He loves what all you've done for him, Father."

"I'm afraid that there's not more than we can do for him except keep doing things and buying him things. You see, Tom, Mike is a lot sicker than he knows."

"Oh?"

"His cell counts are off the chart for going a whole year without receiving any kind of chemo-therapy."

"Father, are you saying that Mike is going to die?"

"It's quite possible...no, it's almost probable."

"There's nothing Cole can do with all their research and medications?"

"We'll know more Wednesday or Thursday after they've run a series of tests on him. I guess the reason I'm telling you this is because I know you won't intentionally hurt him, but he's going to need a friend to face with him all that he has to face. I don't know if you're willing to accept the challenge. If not, I can certainly, understand. But if you decide to be the ONE...his friend, I wanted to level with you about what might happen to prepare you for an unhappy ending."

"Good God! Father, I don't think you, Roger, or his doctors should tell him. He told me a story about a Mrs. Bailey in Dothan."

"His neighbor who didn't want to know about the breast cancer?"

"Yes."

"He told the same story to Roger and me and the two of us decided, after consulting with Jeff and Johnny, that if the tests showed a poor prognosis, then it would be best NOT to tell him and let him live out his young life, being, as he put it, 'happy in ignorance'."

"What do you want me to do, Father?"

"We mentioned to him that he could be schooled here at the house and complete his GED for his high school diploma...that we would find a college student who would come to the house and teach him in the afternoons or evenings."

"Father, I'll be free in two weeks...after the Thanksgiving game. I could come by, if you think I'm qualified."

"Of course you're qualified. I just didn't know if you'd be up to it. I mean, you might just be watching him deteriorate daily in front of your eyes. Roger and I discussed it and wondered if it would be fair to you."

"I don't give a damn about being FAIR, Father. Of course I'll do it. Tell me what to do and I'll do it!" Tom said, firmly.

"When you're ready, go by Briarwood High and speak to Louise Martin. She's the guidance counselor and she'll give you a list of school books and the curriculum plan that Mike will need to follow. Who knows? It might be for only a few weeks...but then, it could be longer than that."

"Father, I'd do it for ten years if I thought I could help him."

"In my heart, I knew that you would say that, Tom. I'm sure that Mike will be happy when he finds out that you are going to be his tutor."

"You want to tell him, Father, or should I?"

"Why don't we call him into the study and we'll tell him together."

"Sounds like a choice idea. Let me go get him!" Tom said, going to the door of the study. "Mike! Hey, Mike! Can you come here a sec?"

Mike came running into Cliff's study. "Is there somethin' wrong?" he asked.

"Quite the contrary, son," Cliff said. "Please sit down."

Mike sat in another of the huge leather chairs facing Cliff's desk.

"Mike," Cliff continued, "I was just talking with Tom about your needing a tutor, once you begin your out-patient treatment."

"Yes sir?"

"I've asked Tom to tutor you, unless you have an objection?"

"Tom?" Mike exclaimed. "Just when I think nothing else good can possibly happen to me, I turn around and get another present!"

"Then you agree it's all right?" Cliff asked, chuckling to himself.

"OF COURSE I AGREE!"

"We won't be able to start until I play my last game on Thanksgiving. That's in two weeks and it should correspond with your tests being finished at Cole. Then, the way I figure it, we can begin your lessons on the following Monday. How does that sound?" Tom said.

"Like a prayer answered from heaven!" Mike said, beaming.

"Now, I only going to tutor you on one condition."

"What's that?"

"You have to study. I have my own studying to do, so whatever time I spend with you can't be wasted. Is that understood?" Tom asked.

"Totally! I understand...and I promise to study."

"Then it looks as if the deal is settled," Cliff said. "Now I'll leave you two alone while I go see what's happening with the other boys." Cliff left, leaving Mike and Tom behind the closed doors of his study.

"You sure you want to do this, Tom?" Mike asked.

"Are you sure you want me to do this?" Tom replied.

"Gosh, yes! I figger that the more time we spend together, the closer we'll become as friends."

"Oh, I thought we were already close friends. I kissed you, didn't I? How much closer do you want to get?"

"A lot closer!"

"Oh?"

"Yeah, see, this is kinda embarrassing but if we're close friends, we oughta be able to tell each other secrets!" Mike said, looking down at the floor, avoiding Tom's eyes.

"You have secrets you want to tell me?"

"Kinda...only I don't know how to say them."

"I'll tell you what I'll do. I'll turn my back so that you don't have to look at me, and you say whatever you want to say, and we'll see how I respond to it. Does that sound OK to you?"

"Yeah," Mike said as Tom turned away, then he sighed and paused to muster enough courage to tell his secrets.

"I'm waiting."

"Give me time!" Mike said.

"Take as long as you like."

"Well, you're older than me and I'm sure you know what...jerking off is, or masturbation, don't you?"

"Yes...and?"

"Well, I do it nearly every night."

"So do I, so what's the problem?" Tom asked.

"Well, here's the embarrassin' part. Every since Friday night...when I met you at the game...I've thought about you every time I do it?"

Pause.

"You've been fantasizing about me?" Tom asked, cautiously.

"About you...and me."

"And, in your fantasy, what are we doing?", Tom asked quietly.

"Lots of things. I've never dreamt of doing something with another guy before...and I'm not really sure what guys do to each other. I mean, the only time I ever had...sex...well, I really didn't have sex, but my brother, Vince, did things to my backside and, the way Jeff and Johnny put it, he made me HIV positive."

'So that's how he got it', Tom thought, as a million things became abundantly clear to him.

"And," Mike continued, "I know that you and I could never do anything like that because I wouldn't want to give it to you, too."

"Mike, surely, Johnny or Father Jeff explained safe sex to you."

"Yeah, but I don't want to take any chances--if our friendship ever grew that strong."

Tom turned and looked at Mike. "Mike, look me in the eyes and answer me truthfully. Your sexual fantasies...are they going to get in the way of my tutoring you?"

"Gosh, NO! I promise. They were only dreams! I mean, I never expect to do any of those things with you. NEVER!!!"

Another pause.

"Mike, if your fantasies became realities, what then? Could you respect me as your tutor?"

"I'd...I'd probably fall in love with you."

"Then, they WOULD present problems, huh?"

"Gosh, NO! I'd listen to everything you said and learn everything you taught me."

"Well, we're safe for the time being. Our friendship hasn't gone that far just yet. That is to say, maybe in the future, we might grow fonder of one another...and then, and ONLY then, something physical might transpire between the two of us. We've just got to take it slow. Plus, you've got to do whatever your doctors tell you to do and receive the treatment at Cole and take ALL of the medicine that's prescribed for you."

"I already intended to do that!"

"Well, we just have to see what happens...and if something DOES happen between us in the future...we'll just let it happen. Now, you wanna join the rest of the party in the other rooms?"

"Yes. I suppose..." Mike paused and looked at the floor once more, "Only..."

"Only what?" Tom's voice remained tender.

"Would you...would you kiss me again before we go?"

"Is that what you really want?"

"More than anything in the world."

"Come here, then," Tom said, beckoning Mike with his index finger. Mike arose from the chair and stood face to face with Tom. Tom slowly pulled Mike close to him and carefully placed his lips on Mike's. Mike sighed, as a shiver went down his spine. Gently, Tom pried Mike's lips apart with his tongue and met Mike's nervous tongue and they each explored the other's mouth as if they were memorizing every tooth and crevice in the hunt. Mike got an instant hardon, and surprisingly, so did Tom. Both their hands moved up and down the other's back. Tom let his right hand come around Mike's side to grasp Mike's erection and squeezed ever so gently. Mike followed Tom's lead and did the same thing to Tom. Their heads turned from side to side as their kiss grew more passionate and non-ending. Mike was falling in love with Tom, while Tom was realizing how much he had needed to hold someone since Jim was out of the picture. Finally, the kiss ended as their faces pulled back to look each other in the eyes.

"Is that what you wanted?" Tom whispered, catching his breath.

"That was MORE than I hoped for!," Mike replied.

"That may never happen again for a long while," Tom said. "As I told you, we'll just have to wait and see."

"I'll wait forever, if it takes that long," Mike whispered back.

Tom took his right hand and swatted Mike on his right butt cheek, "Now, come on, slugger, let's go join the others!"

"Whatever you say, 'teach'!"

"That's what I say!" Tom replied, with a wink. 'Now tuck that dick of yours away so it doesn't show how big it is already!"

Mike giggled, After what we just done, it ain't NEVER going back down."

"Oh, yeah?" Tom said as he took his middle finger and thumped the swelling in Mike's pants.

"OW!" Mike said grabbing his crotch.

"Did it work?" Ton asked, laughing.

"BOY! DID IT!! Where did you learn to do that?"

"There's a lot I have to teach you, slugger, but not all at once. We have a long way to go before you graduate high school."

Mike continued to rub himself. "Now I'm afraid it'll never get hard again,"

"I've got ways to teach you how to do that too...but, in time...not now!"

"I love you, Tom," Mike said, avoiding Tom's eyes.

"No, you don't! You're just glad to have a friend."

"Could you ever love a kid?"

"Do you expect to be a kid all your life?"

"No."

"Well, maybe that will come in time, too."

"I should've wished harder before I blew out my candles," Mike said.

Tom looked at Mike and suddenly assumed an adult responsibility. Mike was fragile and was unlike any guy he had ever known, older or younger, and not just because he had been victimized by the HIV virus. He wanted to take Mike into his arms and hold him...forever, if needs be. But Tom realized he was afraid, too. What if Mike didn't get well and he would only have him for a short time. God! Life was cruel. Life was supposed to be like a warm bath where you entered the world all warm and wet from your mother's womb and you were supposed to stay in the water until you became cold and your skin shriveled before you left it. Mike had only gotten comfortable with his young life. It was too soon for him to get out. Every day had to count. Every moment he spent with Mike must be meaningful...and it WOULD BE! Tom had tons of love he had saved for that 'right' someone to come along. Maybe he was supposed to give it to Mike. Only time, the enemy, would determine t hat. He wanted to cry out Dorothy's line from, 'The Wiz'..."Time be my friend!"

They left the study and went into the game room where Phil and Howie were playing nine-ball with Ryan and Kyle.

"We got winners!" Tom yelled.

"Great!" Howie answered. "We know what you can do with a football. I'm anxious to see what you can do with a cue ball!"

Phil stared at Tom and Mike, sensing that something had become stronger between them. At the same time, Phil was wondering what had happened between Tom and Coach Kerr.

<><><><><><>

Cliff left the party at 4:30 to go to St. Genesius for evening vespers. No one else from the party joined him He left Roger and Jay to act as hosts. Around 4:45 the phone rang and Roger answered.

"Hello?" Roger said.

"Roger, this is Nina Kerr."

"Nina, how's our favorite patient? Are you excited about going home tomorrow?"

"That's why I'm calling you, Roger. Is Father Cliff there?"

"No, he left for the evening service about fifteen minutes ago."

"I don't suppose either of you have seen Jim today, have you?"

"I don't recall seeing him at mass this morning," Roger replied. "Wait and I'll ask the others who are here at the house." Roger held the phone next to his chest to block Nina from hearing the other voices. "Listen up, boys, did any of you see Coach Kerr at mass this morning...or have you seen him any time today?" Everyone in the room responded in the negative.

"Nina, I'm afraid no one here has seen him all day."

"Roger, I would like to ask you a question, but please don't let on to the others there what I'm asking." Nina said, sounding a bit frantic.

"Go ahead."

"Would you mind telling me if Tom Summerfield is at you house?"

"Why, yes, Nina, he's been here ever since mass was over," Roger replied.

"I was hoping that Jim was with Tom."

"I don't believe that that's happened."

"Oh, dear," Nina said, "I don't know what to think. Jim didn't show up all day yesterday. I thought for sure he would come by late Friday and tell me about the game. Then, yesterday, and all day today...Jim hasn't been by to see me. He hasn't called. I've rung the phone at our house every hour on the hour and he doesn't answer. I was confident that Harm was being held at the jail, so I wasn't worried about Harm hurting him...but I AM worried. It's not like Jim to ignore me like this. I mean, he was supposed to come by and pack my belongings for my discharge in the morning. Roger, I'm afraid something dreadful has happened to him."

"Nina, don't you worry. Cliff should be back around seven-thirty and he and I will drive to your house and check on him. Maybe he turned the ringers off on his phones so that he could rest. He HAS been rather exhausted this week. Maybe he's home asleep and not aware of the time."

"Roger, this is Sunday night and I haven't seen Jim since Friday afternoon. I was getting ready to call the police, but I called your house first, hoping that he would be there or that someone there would know of his whereabouts."

"Nina, please calm down, or call the nurse and tell her to give you something to relax yourself. I'll call Ed and have him call your nurse, if she doesn't. The main thing is for you NOT to worry. Let Cliff and me do that for you. All right? We'll call you the very minute we know something."

"Thanks, Roger, I'll await your call." Nina hung up.

Listening to part of Roger's side of the conversation, Tom left the pool table and asked, "Roger, has something happened to Coach Kerr?"

"I'm not sure, Tom," Roger replied. "He hasn't been to see Mrs. Kerr in the past couple of days and she's a bit concerned. You haven't seen him, have you, Tom?"

"Not since the game Friday night."

"Did he seem upset to you?" Roger queried.

"He...he was upset Thursday afternoon at practice," Tom said, "and I'm afraid that I was the cause of it!"

"What happened Tom?"

"Remember when I told you about Jim's and my relationship?"

"Yes."

"Well, I'm afraid I broke it off between Jim and me...."

"Oh?"

"Yes sir. I just couldn't keep on going behind Nina's back and cheating on her with the man she loves."

"I see," Roger said, evaluating the situation. "And how did Jim take the news when you told him?"

"He was hurt...hurt really bad." Tom said. "I tried my damnedest to make him understand, but he kept reminding me that we, he and I, loved one another. I told him I couldn't or wouldn't be a part of the triangle any longer and walked away. I'm afraid he didn't take it too well."

"Hmm." was all Roger said.

"My God, Roger, you don't think he'd harm himself, do you?" Tom sounded alarmed.

"I think if Jim had such thoughts, he would talk to Cliff first. Jim's too rational to do anything like that to himself."

"You think I should go over to his house?" Tom asked.

"I told Nina that Cliff and I would go, as soon as he gets home from the evening service."

"Can I go with the two of you?"

"Of course, Tom. Now go finish your game with the boys. Cliff should be home in about an hour."

Tom looked like a stunned zombie as he returned to the game room. Phil and Howie both sensed something was wrong by the look on Tom's face.

"What's the matter, Tom?" Phil asked.

"I'm not sure, Phil," Tom replied. "Nothing---I hope!"

Tom had a sinking feeling in his lower intestines, a feeling that something bad had happened to Jim, and if so, he had to be his fault. Jim didn't seem like the suicidal type, whatever that means, but Jim was also not the type to leave Nina unexpectedly without some kind of explanation. Mike, who had been so happy just moments ago with his new 'friend' in Cliff's study, sensed something was wrong by the look on Tom's face.

"Hey, Tom," Mike said, "you OK?"

"Yes, Mike, I'm fine," Tom replied.

Mike spoke to Tom in a low voice so that no one else could hear, "You're not sorry about what we just did, are you?"

Tom's voice matched the tone of Mike's. "No, don't worry about what happened. I meant every word and everything that we did. Just keep that thought in mind. OK?"

Mike accepted Tom's reply at face value, but he was still concerned by Tom's quiet demeanor. Tom picked up his cue stick and scratched his next three turns. Everyone in the room sensed something was wrong because Tom was too good a pool player to miss such easy shots. Everyone in the game room became silent and all eyes stared at Tom.

"OK! OK! QUIT STARING!" Tom exclaimed, "COACH KERR IS MISSING! IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT TO HEAR?"

"Missing?" Howie and Phil replied in unison. "What do you mean he's missing."

Tom announced to the room what he had just learned from Roger. Jaws dropped with surprise and nervous eye contact spread around the room.

"Hell, let's go looking for him!" Howie finally shouted.

"Boys! Boys!" Roger said above the crowd, "Please just calm down. I told Mrs. Kerr that Cliff and I would go to his house as soon as Cliff returned from church. There's nothing we can do in the meanwhile."

The next sound they heard was Cliff's car coming up the driveway. All eyes were on the door as Cliff entered. Cliff was unnerved by all the eyes staring at him so intensely. Roger motioned to Cliff to meet him in the study where Roger proceeded to tell Cliff about Nina's phone call.

Cliff responded by saying, "Let's not waste another second, let's get over to Jim's house."

"I told Tom that he could come with us," Roger said.

"Good!" Cliff replied, "he SHOULD be with us!"

Cliff told his guests and family that he'd be back shortly and assured them that if he, Roger, and Tom found anything wrong at Jim's, they would call back and relay the news.

Cliff, Roger, and Tom hurried to Cliff's Lexus, still warm inside from the trip from the church.

"How was your evening's turnout?" Roger asked, trying to lighten the mood. "No confessions, marriages, baptisms...euphemisms...circumcisions. Sorry, Tom, I shouldn't have mentioned that!"

"We had a nice attendance. The choir stayed for an extra rehearsal for the Thanksgiving mass music," Cliff said.

Tom couldn't concentrate on Roger and Cliff's conversation, his sole thoughts being focused on what they might find at Jim's house. Ten minutes later, Cliff's car pulled into the Kerr driveway.

"There's no lights on and Jim's car isn't here," Tom said with a tinge of nervousness in his voice. "Maybe that's a good sign!"

They got out of the car and raced up the steps to the front door of the house. Cliff pushed the button to ring the doorbell, which rang loudly. But no one answered.

"Maybe we should go in," Tom suggested, trying the door without success.

"The door is locked and I don't think we should break in like burglars," Roger said.

"Don't ask," Tom said, "but I have a key." Tom fumbled in his pockets until he withdrew a keychain and unlocked the door. All three went inside, turning on every light in the house .

"I'll look upstairs while you two search the main floor," Tom said, running up the steps two at a time.

Only a few minutes later, all three found themselves in the foyer.

"Nothing?" Cliff asked.

"Nothing!" Roger and Tom said in unison.

"What next?" Roger asked Cliff.

"Maybe we should call Nina and tell her that Jim is not at their house," Cliff suggested.

"Don't you think that will worry her?" Tom asked.

"At least she might be relieved that Jim didn't try something foolish at home," Roger replied.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Almost at the same time that Cliff, Roger, and Tom entered the Kerr residence, Jim Kerr straggled into Nina's hospital room. He was drunk.

"Jim!" Nina said, "Thank God you're alive!"

"Why 'thank God', Nina?"

"I've been worried sick because I haven't seen you since Friday afternoon and here it is Sunday night and you didn't bother to call or come by. What was I supposed to think?" Nina managed to say through her frantic tears.

"You mean you missed me?" Jim asked, almost in a sneer. "Me, your wayward, unfaithful spouse who cheats on you with...not another woman, but a student...a MALE student, to be exact?"

"Jim, please don't say any more. You've been drinking and I've never seen you act like this."

"You may see me like this again...and maybe you won't!"

"Jim, you don't know what you're saying, so please go sober up and come back when you can make good sense."

"Good sense? Ha! That's a good one! Why should I make good sense when my whole world has crumbled right before my eyes?"

"Jim, have you seen Tom? Does he know you've been drinking? Is that where you've been? Out drinking with Tom?"

"Oh, I saw Tom all right. I saw him be the hero of Friday night's game, just before he gave me the old 'heave ho'!"

"Jim, I'm sorry. I didn't know what had transpired between the two of you!"

"Didn't you orchestrate it, Nina? Didn't you? Just like you orchestrated my going to bed with him the first time?"

"Jim...I..."

"Don't say it, Nina! There's no fool like an old fool. I'm in my mid-to-late-thirties and I'm already an OLD fool. I wonder what's going to happen to me when I reach forty or fifty? Be a 'grand' fool, like a grandfather or a grand uncle?"

"Jim, I thought you and Tom were getting along so well!"

"We were, Nina, until he suddenly developed a guilty conscience over hurting you!" Jim slumped into a chair. "It's over between Tom and me, Nina. He broke it off so that you and I could go riding into the sunset and live happily ever after! What do you think about that?"

Nina started to cry harder and more audibly.

"Save your tears, Nina. I'm not leaving you. I'm not going anywhere. I'll stick it out with you until we're strolling through the marigolds using tandem walkers."

"Jim, you said that you still loved me."

"I do, Nina, I do!", he protested.

"Then why do you make it sound as if staying with me is like a life sentence or some kind of punishment?"

"Nina, you and I, we both love each other. But when is the last time we acted like a couple? When is the last time you wanted to have sex or to have me make love to you? Don't tell me because I can't answer that question myself!"

"Jim, do you want me to move out?"

"Hell, no! That house is yours...lock, stock, and cookie barrel! Those doodads and fancy things are things that you put there. I keep my trophies in my office at school...Maybe I can sneak 'em out while Dean Connelly is not looking."

"Why did you say that, Jim?"

"Oh, Buddy and Dan know all about Tom and me. Some of the team knows...probably ALL of them by now. And word is sure to swim upstream and let the Dean know that I've been having sex with one of my players. He'll probably fire me on the spot! That's what SHOULD happen!"

"Jim, it'll only become a scandal if you want to make it one!"

"Oh, I've already made a scandal, Nina. I've scandalized myself before YOUR eyes...and with your approval, I might add."

"Jim, I'll bet that you won't find another man your age who hasn't had an affair or at least thought about having one...the Dean included."

"Yes, Nina, but how many of them came out of their affair with a totally changed sexual lifestyle? Nina, I've turned gay! Almost overnight! GAY!!! DON'T YOU HEAR ME? I LOVE SUCKING DICKS!!"

"Jim, you're educated enough to know that you can't turn gay overnight. If you are gay now, you've always been gay. It just took Tom to bring you out..."

"Out of the closet into the wide arena of wide open spaces for all the world to see?"

"Jim. maybe that's why we haven't had sex in the past few years. Have you thought about that? I mean, have I satisfied you in the bedroom?"

"You never gave me a blow job, Nina, if that's what you mean!"

"Jim, please don't be crass. I'm trying to reason with you logically!"

As Nina made her last remark, a nurse came into the room.

"Mrs. Kerr?" the nurse said. "Is everything all right? One of the patients thought that they heard screaming coming from your room."

"Everything's fine, Ms. Clampett, my husband and I were celebrating my going home tomorrow. I'm sorry if we were a bit too loud."

"That's all right, Mrs. Kerr, as long as there is nothing wrong." The nurse left, looking a bit puzzled.

"...as long as there's nothing wrong," Jim mimicked the nurse. "Why didn't you tell her? Why didn't you tell her that your husband's gone queer and his boyfriend left him high and dry?"

"Jim, I wish you would leave. Go home. Get a good night's sleep and come back tomorrow when you're sober!"

"I'll come back and get you tomorrow, Nina, and I'll take you home. But I'll hire a nurse or a companion to stay with you until you're ready to start teaching your classes again. As for me...I won't be there!"

"Jim, I don't want to talk about this now in the condition you're in. Please, please, please, go home and we'll talk tomorrow!"

"All right! All right! I'll go, but I'm not changing my mind about leaving. Good night, Nina."

"Good night, Jim, please drive carefully!"

"Why?" He gave her a long look and left her room. Jim walked down to the elevator and pushed the 'down' button and waited. A young orderly came by, pushing a linen cart. Jim gave him a hard look and spoke, "Hey buddy, do you find me attractive? I mean, do you get a hard on just looking at me?"

The orderly was flabbergasted. "Sir?"

"Skip it!" Jim said as he got on the elevator.

The orderly shook his head and proceeded down to the linen closet.

<><><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "Briarwood" with the Conclusion of BOOK SIX-- chapter-sixty-six.)