Briarwood

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"BRIARWOOD"

aka "Whence Cometh My Help"

Revised Version

A dramatic saga

by

Ritch Christopher

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BOOK FIVE

"FATHER JEFF"

Chapter-Fifty-four

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"Lord, make an instrument of thy peace on earth. O, Lord, let me your answer be. Lord, make me a violin, singing themes of thy love, to play on the heartstrings of men. "Where there is sadness, let me sow joy; where there is doubt, faith in thee; where there is darkness, light of thy love, and where there is despair, let steadfast hope be there. O, Lord make me an instrument of thy peace on earth. O, ever let me stand for thee."

Author unknown, paraphrased on a prayer by

St. Francis of Assisi.

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The phone rang at Father Jeff's.

"Hello?"

"Father Jeff?"

"Yes?"

"This is Larry," the voice said.

"Hi, Larry, I'm glad that you called."

"I think we may need you. It's kinda an emergency!"

"What is it, Larry?"

"It's Raymond Saunders, one of our longest-living residents here in Mackintosh."

"I know Raymond. I've visited twice with him at his home," Jeff said. "Is there a problem?"

"Father, I think it's his time. He's been asking for you."

"Well, I'll go to his house immediately. Is his doctor with him?"

"He was there earlier and gave him an injection for pain, a sort of palliative measure when someone gets this bad. Then the doctor left."

"Is he conscious? I mean, he hasn't gone into a coma or anything?"

"No, I'm afraid he's had too much Dilaudid and morphine in the past to have much effect on him. He's wide awake."

"Are you there with him, now?"

"Yes, Jerry Seavers, Thom Lascoe, and I are here at his place."

"Then, I'll be right over!" Jeff said, hanging up the phone.

"Trouble?" Johnny asked.

"Yes, it seems we're about to lose one of our residents."

"Which one?"

"Raymond Saunders. Do you know him?"

"I've never seen him in person, but I've talked with him on the phone at the Center. I arranged for hot meals to be sent to him and I had several of his prescriptions refilled."

"Would you like to go with me?"

"Not if he's asking for you, personally. He might have things to say only to you."

"All right."

"If you need me, call me at the Center."

"OK. I love you."

"I love you, too, babe. Keep the faith!"

They kissed goodbye. Next, Jeff grabbed his prayer book, a rosary, his short priest's stole, a portable communion kit, and a bottle of oil to use for extreme unction, if necessary, and rushed outside to his car. He remembered the way to Raymond's house. It was difficult for Jeff to believe that Raymond had lived the longest in Mackintosh, since he didn't appear to be over thirty-five years of age. Damn! What had happened to Raymond? He looked healthy and happy at Jeff's last visit. Raymond had even attended several masses after that. Why his sudden turn for the worse?

Every house in the small village was less than ten minutes from any other locale. It took Jeff approximately six minutes to arrive at Raymond's. He was met at the door by Larry. Thom was seated on the couch in the living room, while Jerry was in the bedroom sitting by Raymond's bedside. Larry escorted Jeff in to see Raymond, then left, followed by Jerry.

Jeff approached the bed and took Raymond's right hand in his and Raymond opened his eyes and smiled at his priest.

"Hiya, Father Jeff," Raymond said, weakly.

"Hi, big guy!" Jeff responded and squeezed Raymond's hand.

"I wanted to see you one last time."

"That's a bunch of horsefeathers, Ray. You're gonna see me lots of times at mass."

"I'm afraid I've been to my last mass, Father, unless you can count my funeral."

"What's wrong, Ray? What happened to you? You looked healthy as I, just a couple of weeks ago at St. Aloysius."

"I'm tired of fighting, Father. I'm tired of pills and shots; diarrhea, nausea, vomiting, dizzy spells, headaches and fevers. I'm tired of peeing on myself and shitting my sheets...and of course, I'm tired of coughing and spitting up blood...my precious, killer blood."

"Ray, why didn't you call Johnny and have him get someone to take care of you. That's his job at the Center. God knows, it wouldn't've cost you a cent."

"Johnny's been real nice to me. I have a bunch of meals stacked up in the kitchen that he sent over, and I was too sick to eat."

"Are you hungry, now, Ray? Can I get you something? How about some juice or something cold?"

"No, no, no, Father, it's too late for any of that stuff. I suppose my next meal will be ambrosia...food of the angels." Raymond tried to laugh with his small joke but ended up coughing long and weak.

"My Johnny makes ambrosia for dessert quite often. If I had known, I'd've brought you some."

"You know, I've never met Johnny. I've seen him at mass and talked with him over the phone, and from what I've seen and heard, you've got yourself quite a prize for a mate. I hope you realize that."

"I do, every day, Ray, more and more."

"Of course, Johnny didn't do so bad for himself, neither. You two were chosen by God to be together. It was in His plan, so don't either one of you try to alter it. You might get struck by lightning."

"I promise, Ray. I won't ever leave Johnny and I won't give him reason to leave me, either."

"Father Jeff, I want you to hear my confession."

"Certainly, Ray, anything you wish."

Jeff kissed his stole, placed it around his neck and opened his prayer book and began to read.

"NO! NO! NO! Padre. You won't be needing that." Raymond said, pointing to the prayer book. "Where I'm going, that'll do no good."

"I don't understand, Ray. What do you mean? I thought you wanted me to hear your confession."

"Father Jeff, what I have to confess, the Lord won't offer any penance."

"But surely, if you think you're gonna...well, if you may be..." Jeff tried to finish, but was quickly interrupted.

"Die?" Ray interjected. "Oh, I'm dying all right. It's just I'm not sure how long I have and I've got a lot to say to you."

"Ray, would you like me to anoint your forehead with holy oil?"

"I don't need that either!"

"Ray, you don't seem the least bit delusional, but I'm having a difficult time trying to find out what to do."

"Father, I just want you to sit there and listen to me. Then I'll have a huge favor to ask of you."

"All right. I'm listening."

"Father, the biggest sin I'm guilty of, may come as quite a shock to you. I don't deny I'm guilty and I know that what I've done is unforgivable in all manner of speaking."

"Ray, God forgives all sins according to His Word."

"Yes, but how about the same sin repeated over and over again with no remorse or guilt?"

"I'm sure whatever it is that you've done, even God can make some dispensation."

"Father, I'm guilty of murder...premeditated, unadulterated, unforgivable murder."

"My God, Ray. When did this happen and where and who?"

"I moved to Mackintosh in 1996. The murders, notice I said murders, plural, took place over a ten year period prior to that."

"Good God! How many were there?"

"I'm not sure. I can't be sure. I'm guilty of some murders that haven't happened yet."

"Ray, the shot that the doctor gave you must have affected your rationale. You're not making sense."

"Jeff, in the middle drawer of my desk over there, you'll find a black and white essay notebook. In it I've written 258 names. During the past six months, I've done my best to track each name and included their last known address and phone number."

"OK." Jeff said, still puzzled.

"Those names are my victims."

"The one's that you've killed," Jeff said, placating Ray.

"Some of them are dead, others...not! But they all soon will be...plus the people they've victimized."

"Ray, I still don't..."

"AIDS, Father! AIDS!" Ray shouted in a course whisper. "I GAVE IT TO ALL OF THEM!!! AND NONE OF THEM KNOW IT!!!

"Ray, I..."

"Don't you see, Father. I knew I was infected with the virus. I was frightened and knew I was going to die soon. I...I became angry at the world...angry at God...but most of all...angry at myself. I felt like I was being punished...Punished for being gay! Punished for a lot of things! And so I set out to punish the world and anyone and everyone I could get to go to bed with me. I threw all caution to the wind. I used no precautions. I fucked every last one of them without using a single condom. I filled 258 hungry assholes with my diseased sperm."

"Ray, I..."

"THINK OF IT, FATHER! THINK HOW MANY PEOPLE THAT ALL 258 OF THEM HAVE FUCKED DURING THE SEVENTEEN YEARS...AND THE PEOPLE THAT THOSE HAVE FUCKED...AND ON AND ON! Jesus! There might be one-hundred thousand or maybe even a million by now! And all of them are infected and dying because of me and my anger. Father, I've, maybe, killed a whole city or a nation. I knew what I was doing and I kept on doing it! So, now, tell me how many 'hail Mary's' and 'our Father's' I have to say for God to forgive me?"

The grim picture that Raymond had just painted left Jeff speechless. As his priest, Jeff had compassion for the tormented dying person in front of him, but at the same time, Jeff's inward anger almost outweighed the thought of forgiveness. Jeff stalled from speaking by going to the desk to retrieve the notebook. He stood at the desk reading the names, imagining their gravestones. Young men, teenagers, with addresses stretching from Seattle to Miami to New York and Los Angeles. "My God!" Jeff thought, "How many of these had unprotected sex and how many had they infected? Worse yet, how many of them had adopted the same attitude as Ray, and had tried to infect as many as they could out of the same kind of anger or stupidity?" It was all Jeff could do to keep from breaking into tears.

"It's frightening, isn't it, Father?" Raymond spoke from his bed. "I can see that you're at a loss for words. I can't blame you. I don't know what I would say either if I were in your shoes."

Without turning around to face Raymond, Jeff asked, somberly, "Do you want me to contact the people on this list?"

"Yes, Father. That was the favor I was going to ask of you. Most of them are probably dead, or at least, I hope so, for their sake. Of course, there's no way of knowing whom they slept with after me. I'm sure that none of them made a list as I did, primarily because they didn't suspect what I did to them."

"Ray, I want to ask you something and I want a straight answer."

"All right."

"Why are you suddenly so ill? Did you take something? Some pills?"

"No, Father, it's lack of pills. I stopped taking my AZT and other shit, nearly six weeks ago. I've been ill long enough to know that my viral load and T cell count is irreversible. It's too late and I have no desire to combat AIDS any longer. This morning when I woke up, I was so weak. I knew that today was the day. When Larry and the guys came by with my breakfast, I asked them to call you. I had to say this before the day is out. I pray to God, if He'll listen to me, that I won't be here tomorrow."

Jeff clutched the notebook to his chest and stood silently, looking at Raymond.

"Father, now that I've said my say. I want you to leave. Please ask Larry and the guys to go too."

"I will Raymond, but only if you'll let me say a prayer beside you."

"Be my guest," Raymond said, "It certainly can't do any harm but I know it'll do no good."

Jeff walked to the bed and knelt. He took Raymond's hand and brought it to his forehead. The hand felt cool to Jeff's face. Jeff closed his eyes and prayed.

"Dear God, look with compassion upon this Thy servant. Fill him with faith, hope, love, and repentance. Keep him from the powers of darkness and stablish him in the Communion of the Catholic Church. Cleanse him from all his sins and let his end be full of peace and comfort, and in the hour of departure, may his soul rest in Thee, unto everlasting life. May the Merits of the Passion of our Lord, the Prayers of our holy Mother, and whatever good that this Thy servant hast done, be unto him for the remission of sins, perfect his confession and bring him grace, strength, and perseverance unto everlasting life. And finally, into Thy hands, O God, we commit the soul of this Thy servant, that when dead unto the world, he may live unto Thee. The Lord gave; the Lord taketh away. In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Amen."

Jeff lowered Ray's hand from his forehead to his lips and kissed it. Then, without giving Ray a chance to object, Jeff tilted the small bottle he was carrying and covered his thumb with oil, which he used to sign the cross on Ray's forehead and said, "Go in peace, for the Lord hath put away your sins."

Jeff and Raymond exchanged looks and smiles, then Jeff left, taking the notebook with him.

It was nearly two hours later when the sound of Raymond's gun echoed across the valley of Mackintosh. Everyone who heard it was alarmed, but no one was surprised when Raymond ended his life. According to Larry, suicide was a common practice among the sicker residents. Jeff took a vow to end this custom, as did Johnny, who had also heard the shot.

Jeff was in his study at the church still looking at the names and shaking his head in disbelief. It was Larry who called him to announce that he had found Raymond's body when he rushed to the house after the fatal explosion. Jeff thanked Larry for his call and when he placed the receiver back on the phone, Jeff dropped his head, face-first on his desk and wept. He remained that way until Johnny called him from the Center a few minutes later. Jeff let the phone ring ten times before he answered.

"Hello?"

"Jeff?" Johnny said. "Jeff, is that you?"

"Yes," Jeff replied, flatly.

"Your voice sounds so strange. I suppose you heard about Raymond."

"Yes."

"Were you there when it happened?"

"No, I left him around eleven o'clock."

"Thank God!" Johnny exclaimed. "I was so worried, especially when the phone rang so long. Are you busy?"

"I should be, but I don't know where to start."

"Jeff, is something wrong? I mean, something else besides Raymond's death?"

"I won't lie to you, Johnny. I never have and I certainly won't now."

"What is it, baby?"

"I want to go home, Johnny. I want to leave here and move back to Briarwood,"

"Do you know what you're saying? You're talking nonsense. THIS is what you wanted. This is what we BOTH wanted. What in God's name has happened?"

"Johnny, can you come to the church?"

"Sure, if you'll tell me what's wrong."

"I need to talk to you. I need you to hold me. I have something to show you."

"Jesus Christ! Put down the phone and I'll be there in two shakes."

Ten minutes later, Johnny was flipping through the pages of Raymond's notebook. Jeff, without saying a word, watched Johnny for his reaction, which was almost as strong as Jeff's was.

"Oh, Lord!" Johnny gasped, while sinking into the nearest chair in Jeff's study. "Is THIS for real? These NAMES? Are they real people?"

"Who knows, babe? Who knows?" Jeff replied. "I've been sick to my stomach since I first saw them at Raymond's."

"No wonder!" Johnny said, with a worried look, "What do you think we should do?"

"Fuck if I know! I've been sitting here weighing all kinds of options. My first inclination was to call Father Cliff or Roger and ask what to do, but then, whenever I have a problem, I, sometimes or usually, dump it on both of them. My second was to involve the ten of us Briarwood boys. All of us, except Rob and Timmy, are in a health field in some capacity. I'm sure Alex, Ted, Troy, Jay, Kyle, Ryan, perhaps even Chris would help the two of us."

"Jeff, do you think we should report this to the CDC in Atlanta?"

"For what purpose? They have enough to do in research. I really don't want to know about it, but I'll bet there are hundreds, such as Ray, that they're tracking already. Of course, AIDS and HIV are treated differently than most STD's. Thirty or forty years ago, every time a girl got the clap in school, everyone she'd had sex with or come in contact, got a letter or postcard saying, "Your name has been given to us by an STD donor, please contact us immediately." But, there's so much discretion and privacy involved with AIDS and the newer viruses, the CDC no longer acts that way in such cases, which is, as it should be, I suppose."

"How about us? We're not bound by their strict rules and regs. Do you think we could try to contact the people on this list?"

"Then, we could run the risk of being sued."

"Jesus!"

"I've been asking myself if I should just throw up my hands and forget about the whole fucking ordeal? It's probably too late to do anything about it now."

"Alex, I KNOW you! You and I think alike and we can't just let this go!"

"Johnny, when you're bogged down with your work, don't you often wish you worked at Disney World and operated 'Space Mountain' or the Mad Hatter's Tea Cup Ride?"

"Nearly every day!"

"Why the fuck don't we get away from all this mess? We have enough money for the rest of our lives. You and I could move to a remote island, where there's no phones, no cable, no Internet! We could lie around all day, basking naked in the sun, drinking fruit juice from coconut shells, and make love ten or twelve times a day!"

"You wouldn't be JEFF, if we did that!" Johnny replied. "The ten of us Briarwood Boys wouldn't do things like that. We've always been there for people who needed us...YOU, particularly!"

"I know, sweetheart. It's just I don't know how much longer I can keep on doing it!"

"Is that why you said, on the phone, that you wanted to move back to Briarwood?"

"Hell, yes!"

"And what were you doing there before you moved here?"

Jeff paused before answering,

"The same fucking thing! Only I had Father Cliff or Roger to help me...and my two dads."

"Yes, but now you have Alex and Ted, living here, to provide you with help."

"Jesus! It's just all so fucking depressing. I mean, two-hundred-fifty-eight people, multiplied only God knows, how many times over seventeen years! Where the fuck do you start?"

"At the very beginning,"

"Shut up with that Maria Von Trapp bullshit!"

"Why, she had seven members of her family to help her...the same number that you have, excluding Rob and Timmy, of course."

"GOD! Why did I marry you? You're always the pragmatist, but seem to come up with a rational answer!"

"You married me because you loved me."

"I still do, you asshole!"

"Buttwipe!"

"Fudgepacker!"

"Cream dispenser!"

"Weenie dolloper!"

"Sphincter spelunker!"

"Catamite!"

"What's that?" Johnny paused to ask.

"Look it up! It comes from Latin, I think I used the word in last Sunday's mass." Jeff joked.

"You always can win any verbal debate! Remember, that's how we first met!"

"Hey, there's an idea!" Jeff exclaimed. "You remember old Pastor Brindley that I debated?"

"How could I forget!"

"We could call him and tell him one of his members had had sex with Raymond. Then, he'd tell his wife and she'd go to choir practice and relay the message to the front row of sopranos and then, in less than twenty-four hours, the news would be spread throughout all fifty states and five continents."

"Better yet! The Pentecostal Church could contact their number one constituent, Attorney-general Ashcroft and he could launch a full-fledged investigation and track down every name on the list!"

"Yeah, but he'd find a way to put them in a camp in Cuba without legal representation."

"Yes, but at least the spread of the virus would be contained because no one would ever hear from them again, just like the thousands of Arabs and Muslims he incarcerated."

"God, what an asshole, he is."

"Don't forget who appointed him!"

"Didn't you mean, 'anointed' him?"

"Same difference." Jeff snapped, as they both had fun with the joke.

"Seriously, Jeff, now that we've had a laugh and relaxed a little, what do you think we should do with this list?"

"Johnny, I think I WILL call the CDC and see what advice they can give, and I'll also call Father Cliff. He always has the correct answer for everything. But, in the meanwhile, I'd better go back to Raymond's and see if he left any instructions concerning his funeral and burial."

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There was no family to contest Raymond's final wishes. As soon as his doctor officially announced him dead and filled out the death certificate, Ray's body was taken to the only mortuary in town and was cremated in a matter of hours. Ray had requested that he should have no funeral, but just a gathering at his grave where his ashes were to be buried. Over 2,000 residents attended the service over which Jeff officiated. Jeff hoped beyond all reason that only he and Johnny knew of Ray's secret which he had revealed only to Jeff. The residents suspected nothing, no more than just another neighbor with AIDS, trying to escape the usual long-termed suffering.

Jeff kept the service brief using only a short collect, followed by a blessing, and a benediction. No hymns were played or sung. Larry and Thom Lascoe said a few words in the form of anecdotes about their longtime friend, and then, everyone left the cemetery.

Jeff couldn't help but think of the torture that Ray had suffered, mostly mentally and emotionally, having blamed himself for the potential deaths of hundreds he had infected. The disease itself, was enough to make anyone act irrationally by taking his own life, but Ray's personal guilt outweighed his physical affliction.

"Suicide" would be the subject of Jeff's sermon on Sunday. Maybe the fellow residents of Mackintosh was used to one taking his own life, but it didn't sit well with Jeff or Johnny, even Alex, for that matter. The three of them had dedicated their young lives to bring hope to AIDS victims. Suicide was not on their list of coping options.

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Alex returned from Los Angeles five days later. Everything that was memorable or worth saving from his and Ted's old apartment was boxed and shipped to New Hampshire. It would arrive in about a week. Jeff, Ted, and Mike met Alex at the airport in Montpelier and the newly married couple was more glad to see one another than ever. Ted, with Mike's assistance, had worked on strengthening his legs while Alex was gone. Ted felt so strong that he was ready to give his new mate a real honeymoon night, whether it was painful or not.

Also, during this same week, Mike had learned a great deal about tolerance and acceptance. He was not so quick to judge 'queers' as he had before. Still, he was bothered because he couldn't explain the erections he constantly kept getting every time he was near Ted. Johnny had taken Mike to the local clinic to have blood drawn and sent the tests to the Cole Institute, where the results would be available in ten days to two weeks. Mike was not the only one who was anxious about hearing the news. Jeff, Johnny, and Ted felt a tinge of anxiety as they awaited the word from the Cole laboratories.

Once they had arrived at their house, Ted took Alex into their bedroom to give him a REAL welcome home hug and kiss. Next, he asked Alex to sit on the bed while he told him every minute detail of the whirlpool incident with Mike. Maybe in the past, Ted was negligent of not being home more often, but above all, Ted was always faithful and honest with his lover. Alex didn't show the amusement he felt watching Ted squirm at telling the whole truth. Ted might've had the build and attitude of strong athlete, but when it came to affairs of the heart, he was more like a first grader who had just felt his first school boy crush. Alex knew of Ted's eternal fidelity because Ted would have no idea how to lie about it, His emotions were a dead giveaway. When he finished his monologue, Ted waited for Alex's response.

"Ted," Alex spoke tenderly, "come sit by me."

Cautiously, Ted sat down, waiting to be scolded as Alex continued, "Ted, my darling, when will you ever get into your football sized brain, that I trust you?"

"You're not mad?"

"Why should I be? You said nothing happened between you and Mike and that's all I need to hear. End of subject."

"God, Alex, I died a thousand deaths, fearing word would get to you in L.A., and you'd think the worst happened."

"Sweetheart, if the occasion ever arose when you WERE unfaithful, it would be MY fault, not yours. It's my task in our marriage for me to make you happy, so that you'll never have a reason to stray."

"Alex, you DO make me happy! Sometimes I feel I'm not worthy of you and your love."

"That's bullshit and you know it!"

"I...uh...had a surprise for you later tonight when we go to bed, but I'll give it to you now, if you want it!"

"I know you can't keep surprises and you'll feel better if you give it to me now."

"OK," Ted said, excitedly, "but first I have to lock the door."

Ted stood and walked to the door without his canes."

"Jesus!" Alex exclaimed, "I don't believe it! You're walking by yourself."

Ted locked the door, turned and smiled, "That's not all I can do."

"Oh?"

"Take off you clothes...ALL of them!"

"Ted, do you think you're...?"

"Shut up, wench, and do what I say!"

"Yes sir," Alex replied, mystified, but playing along with Ted's fun, as he stripped to his shorts and t-shirt.

"I said, 'ALL', and that means, everything! The shorts and shirt go, too."

Alex obeyed and removed his underwear.

"Now, watch this!" Ted announced as he began taking off his clothes.

"You want me to help?" Alex asked.

"NO! Just lie down and get ready for me!"

Alex was amazed by Ted's ability to remove his clothing unassisted. Then, Ted walked to the bed and got under the covers with his lover.

"What next?" Alex asked.

"Just wait and see! This is the one time that I want you to remember always."

Ted slowly moved his body on top of Alex's and kissed him long and deeply. Then, for the next hour, Ted practically ravaged Alex, making love in more ways than either of them thought possible. Alex was thrilled while Ted was pleased at himself.

Jeff was in the living room chatting with Mike when they both heard the moans and grunts coming from the master bedroom. Jeff thought it best if Mike didn't hear too much of the X-rated soundtrack and asked him if he would show him the weights in the workout room.

"It's OK, Father," Mike said, "I know what they're doing...and it doesn't bother me."

Jeff was astonished by Mike's mature remark. Mike's outlook had changed completely in under two weeks time, since his arrival.

"I'm glad to hear you say that, Mike, but I still think that we ought to go into the workout room and give Ted and Alex some privacy."

"OK." Mike replied. "Come on and let me show you how much weight I can bench press."

"Did Ted teach you to do this?"

"Sure, and lots of other things, too."

Mike lay on the bench and hoisted the weights and lifted them several times before replacing them in the rack.

"That's great, Mike." Jeff said, "and that doesn't tire you out?"

"No, it makes me stronger and makes me want to lift even heavier ones."

"How's your appetite? Have you been eating well?"

"I like everything! It all tastes good except for that broccoli stuff. I hate the taste of it, but Mr. Baxter won't let me leave the table until I've eaten all of it. Father, he even puts it in my scrambled eggs at breakfast."

Jeff covered his mouth to hide his laughter. The "three 'B's" came to mind...Briarwood Boys and broccoli. Somehow the words all went together! Jeff took a moment to imagine a new series on HBO, a la "Queer As Folk", only this one would be called, "The Ten Briarwood Boys" or "The Briarwood Bunch" and all the adventures of him, Johnny, Jay, Troy, Kyle, Ryan, Rob, Timmy, Alex, and Ted...ten of them! God, the TV critics would have a field day while the television audience would have difficulty believing so much could happen to so few! Of course the series would be built around Father Cliff with earlier episodes including Roger. Let's see, HBO would have to find a young Tab Hunter to play Father Cliff and a young Rock Hudson for Roger. Too bad, because there were no young Tab's and Rock's who were willing to appear on cable television. Oh, well, it was something to think about, Jeff thought to himself. Brad Pitt and Colin Farrell? No way!!

Jeff had work to do at the church, so he left Mike in the workout room to continue building his body, while Alex and Ted remained in the bedroom doing God knows what! Jeff told Mike goodbye and left. Then, Mike tiptoed down the hall to listen to the noises coming from the bedroom. Once again, he got an erection, only this time, he did something about it. He quietly unzipped his jeans and lowered them and his briefs to his thighs and got a firm grip on his erection and began to masturbate. The louder the noises became, the more excited Mike got. He didn't stop until he ejaculated and his sperm hit the lower panel of the bedroom door and streamed down to form a milky puddle on the floor. Mike looked at the mess he had caused and he was afraid that Alex or Ted might come out and see it. His fear outweighed his embarrassment. He quickly finished removing his jeans completely and used his white undershorts to quietly wipe up the evidence. Then, he ran to his room for fresh underwear, stopping to look at himself in the dresser mirror. 'Why did I do that?' he asked himself. 'What just happened? Am I queer? Oh, God, I never want to do that again! It was wrong and I must never tell anyone about it!' He was virtually mortified by guilt and embarrassment. He ran to his bed and placed a pillow over his face trying to make the image of his actions go away, but it kept intruding in his thoughts. He stayed that way until Alex and Ted came out of their bedroom to prepare supper.

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Jeff called Johnny at the Center when he returned to his study at church.

"How's Alex?" Johnny asked. "Did he have a safe trip?"

"I would say so." Jeff replied. "When I left him, a little while ago, the trip was the furthest thought from his mind."

"How so?"

"Ted took him into their house and welcomed Alex with open arms.,, VERY...open...arms...."

"You mean they...?"

"Honeymoon night in the late afternoon!"

"That's great!"

"I got horny listening to them!" Jeff confessed.

"Oh? Anything I can do to help?"

"Lots! But I don't want you to leave your work to pleasure me and I DON'T enjoy phone sex."

"Just store those thoughts in the back of your mind somewhere and I'll download them when I get home tonight."

"I'll lock 'em in a zip file!"

They laughed.

"Johnny, while I was gone to the airport, were you able to do anything with Ray's list?" Jeff changed the subject.

"Jeff, it's like one long puzzle. The first three people I tried to reach, I talked to one of their brothers and he was a bit hesitant at first, but finally admitted that his brother had died from AIDS and he had had a lover who also had died, but not before acquiring a new and different lover, who had left him for somebody else, and the two of them had broken up and gone to other lovers. Jeff, it just keeps going on and on...and that was only the first three names. There's two-hundred-fifty-five people I haven't contacted, but I'm afraid it's going to be the same story with whomever I call. Raymond might not've been exaggerating when he told you he might have infected millions!"

"Christ!" Jeff exclaimed, "It's just what I expected, only worse!"

"With the 'don't ask, don't tell' procedure in effect, there's no chance in hell we'll ever find out how far Ray's virus has reached!"

"There's really not much we can do, is there?" Jeff said, dejected.

"I think it's an impossible task. All we can do is pray!" Johnny told him.

"It's in God's hands, I guess."

"I think you're right!"

"Have you heard from Father Cliff or Roger?"

"No, but they're only going to tell us what we know already." Johnny said,

"I'll call them anyway."

"OK, I'll see you at home in time for me to cook dinner." Johnny started to hang up, but stopped and quickly asked, "Jeff, where was Mike when you heard Alex and Ted making love?"

"He was with me. He heard what I heard."

"Oh, God! How did he react?"

"I was amazed." Jeff said, "He heard the noise from the bedroom and acted quite maturely. He let me know that it was all right and he wasn't bothered by it."

"Do you think he really meant it?"

"Yes, I do. The kid's grown up a lot."

"Let's hope so...for his sake...as well as Alex's and Ted's!"

"No word yet on Mike's tests?"

"No, but it's still too soon."

"OK, I'll see you soon." Jeff said, "I love you."

"I love you, too."

They hung up their phones and each of them went back to his work. Jeff's solitude only lasted a few minutes before being interrupted by someone knocking on his door.

"Come in," Jeff called out.

The door opened and Jeff was surprised when Scott and Alan entered together.

"Hey, guys, come on in and have a seat," Jeff invited. "You'll pardon my being inquisitive, but who's watching the Puff?"

"Hi, Father," Scott replied, "Oh, the two of us slipped away for half an hour and asked Freddy Adams and Leo Furth to mind the store while Alan and I came to visit you."

"I'm glad you did. I must say I was quite honored to see you at church." Jeff said.

"Oh, that," Scott replied, dropping his head to avoid looking at Jeff, "I've been meaning to come to mass since you arrived in Big Mack, but, well, you know how it is. There's always so much cleaning I have to do at the bar after Saturday night's crowd leaves. Alan has been helping me, so I might have time to come some Sunday."

"I'll look forward to that." Jeff said, then looked at Alan, who hadn't spoken yet. "How are you doing, Alan?"

"Fantastic. Father Jeff!" Alan suddenly realized that perhaps his response was a bit too enthusiastic and stopped before he said anything else.

"I suppose you're owing your exuberance to Scott? Am I right?"

Scott and Alan dropped both their eyes a little in embarrassment. Then Alan took Scott's hand and looked back at Jeff. "I love him, Father, and he loves me." Scott nodded his headed in agreement.

"That's the best news I've heard today."

"Been a rough one, huh?" Scott asked.

Jeff smiled, ruefully, "A bit."

"I guess you're wondering why we're here?" Scott added breaking the sudden silence.

"I was hoping that you came by to see me just for a friendly visit, but now I suspect there's more to it than that." Jeff replied.

"We wanted to talk with you about a couple of things, and maybe make a few requests of you." Scott continued.

"That's what makes my job worthwhile to me, Scott. What can I do to help?"

"There's so damned...I mean DARNED...many things we want to ask, I don't know where to begin."

"I have the rest of the afternoon, so let's take 'em one at a time."

"All right," Scott said, excitedly, "you heard Alan, just now, say that we loved each other."

"Yes."

"Well, it goes beyond that! You know that we both have AIDS and we don't know how much time we have left, either of us,...so we sorta want to legalize it, so to speak, and spend what that time we have together...as a couple."

"You want a commitment ceremony?"

"Yeah, like your brother. When Johnny threw their party at the Puff, I couldn't help but be envious. That's what I wanted for Alan and me."

"Me, too." Alan added.

"That's easy," Jeff said, with a warm smile. "Just let me know when."

"As soon as we can, but there's a few things we'd like to do first."

"Oh?"

"You see, Father, I was raised as a Roman Catholic in Brooklyn. My father, being Italian, raised all us kids that way."

"That's standard in an Italian household."

"I don't know how things work or what the rules are in your church, but I was wondering if my baptism in the Catholic Church would count or kinda transfer if I decided to join St. Aloysius."

"Scott, one baptism in a lifetime is all it takes. It's recognized by nearly all denominations.

"Well, the next thing is...see, Alan has never been baptized. His parents were strict and they went to church and all, but Alan never got around to it."

"You want me to baptize you, Alan?"

"Yes, please, Father." Alan answered, with a pleading look in his eyes.

"There's a procedure of learning the litany and being quizzed by a priest, but I can give you a crash course in that if you're serious about wanting to accept the teachings of God and His church."

"Whatever it takes, Father," Alan replied, "Whatever it takes."

"All right, let's see," Jeff said, making an imaginary list. "One baptism, one transfer of faith, and one commitment ceremony. I think they can all be arranged ASAP. Now, is there anything else?"

"Yes, Father, something very big!" Scott responded.

Jeff waited patiently for Scott's request.

"Father, this place where you came from?...Briarwood?"

"Yes."

"That's where the Cole Institute is, isn't it?"

"Yes, Alex used to work there and I have four 'adopted' brothers who help the Institute daily. It came into existence as the result of a dream of an 'adopted' uncle of mine, Roger Cole."

"That's where they give the best treatment for AIDS, isn't it?"

"I'd like to think it's the finest AIDS treatment center in the world."

"Father, it's like this...Alan and I want to get well. We want a long life together. I don't know if it's possible, or even if there's anything the Institute can do to help either of us, but we want to try!"

Jeff's heart was about to burst. His arms were covered in chill bumps at Scott's request. Jeff had longed to hear these words from any or all of the residents ever since he'd moved to Mackintosh. Scott's request was the first, and maybe there could be hundreds to follow. His voice broke slightly as he replied to Scott and Alan.

"Scott, you and Alan, you two are my miracle. All day long I've been depressed by another incident which I won't go into, and I had questioned why I was here or why God had sent me. I'll be honest with you. I even told my Johnny that I was thinking about leaving and going back home to Briarwood. Then, just like the last ten minutes of a movie, you two walked in to my office and totally changed my attitude. Perhaps you wouldn't understand if I thanked you for saving my life and my life's tasks."

"Do you think we're both nuts for wanting to go to the Institute?"

"Confidentially, I'd think you were nuts if you didn't want to go."

"Then you think it's a good idea? I mean, you think there's room in the Institute for the both of us?"

"Scott, Alan, if there's not a room for you, I'll have one built!"

"Huh?" Scott and Alan's expressions asked.

"Let me call Johnny and he'll make the arrangements for your examinations and treatment, while I take care of these church matters."

"Father, what can I say?" Scott asked through a beaming smile, tears filling his eyes.

"A lot!" Jeff replied.

"Pardon?"

"I want you to tell your plans to everyone you see and everyone who comes into the Puff. Like Frank Sinatra sang, 'Start spreading the news...'."

"Father Jeff, I don't understand."

"Maybe not now, but you will. Don't you see? You're the first! You're the seed! There are hundreds like you, here in Mackintosh, hundreds that have given up...who have chosen to die...and they shouldn't! For some personal reasons, maybe like yours and Alan's, they've given up hope and lost their desire to go on living. AIDS is no longer incurable...it's treatable in most cases. All you have to do is try and see what God and medical science can do!"

Jeff could no longer hold back his tears of joy. Soon, Scott and Alan joined Jeff, and they, too, were crying.

"Now, if you can, go back to the Puff, and let me get on the phone. I have work to do...work I'm proud to know I should be doing!" Jeff told them, as he walked around his desk and grabbed his two visitors, embracing them. Scott and Alan felt Jeff's love wash over them as soon as he touched them. This moment was special. It was like a new beginning for all three of them, and perhaps, the whole town of Mackintosh.

When Alan and Scott left, Jeff picked up the phone and dialed Briarwood.

"Hello?"

"Uncle Roger?"

"Jeff?"

"Yes..."

"How are you, son? My God, it's good to hear your voice."

"I always feel better when I hear yours or Father Cliff's, Uncle Roger."

"How are the newly weds...Alex and Ted?"

"You just hit the key word, Uncle Roger...'newly'. They've been together for over ten years and best friends all their lives and the two of them are behaving like they've just met and fell in love for the first time."

"That's wonderful, Jeff!"

"One of the reasons I'm calling...could I reserve a large room for two at the Institute."

"Jeff, if there's not one, I'll build one!"

"I have two parishioners who are good friends. Both are infected and suddenly they fell in love and both want to get treatment at Cole."

"Do they have money for plane fare?"

"I'm sure they do."

"Give me their names and I'll arrange their flight, have a limousine waiting for them at the Briarwood airport to deliver them first class to the Institute as my guest."

"You never change, do you, Uncle Roger?"

"Not when I know that one of Cliff's and my boys want something," Roger replied, then added, "I could say the same about you. You never change either, little Father...and I hope you never do!"

"I'll email you their names and send down as much info as Johnny has on them to get their history started for the Institute."

"Is there anything else you need? Johnny? Alex and Ted?"

"I only need to know that you and Father Cliff are always there when and if one of us needs you."

"One of us always will be, Jeff. You can count on that!"

"Thanks, Uncle Roger."

"By the way, I've been meaning to call you and ask what Cliff and I can get for Alex and Ted...you know, a commitment present..."

"You know there's nothing anyone can buy that they don't already have."

"Do you think they could get away for a couple of weeks if Cliff and I gave them a trip to Paris or Rome?"

"That's a wonderful present! I wish Johnny and I had thought of it. I'm sure Johnny can arrange for both of them to get away from the Center."

"Call me and tell me when and I'll make all the arrangements."

"Uncle Roger? Have you ever met anyone who didn't fall in love with you instantly?"

"When I was in college, before Cliff and I got together finally, I had my eye on a couple of movie stars."

"You never met them in person, did you?"

"Actually, no..."

"That was their loss and Father Cliff's gain."

"Couldn't you just see it on the front cover of 'The Enquirer' at the news stands, 'Cary Grant Gives Up His Career For Male Seminary Student'?"

<><><><><><><>

THE END OF BOOK FIVE

(To be continued in "Briarwood"--BOOK SIX-"Briarwood U"--chapter-fifty-five).