All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.
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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2002
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BOOK FIVE
"FATHER JEFF"
Chapter-Fifty-two
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"Loving you is not a choice, it's who I am..."
Stephen Sondheim,
from his 1994 musical, "Passion"
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"Hello?" Ryan answered the phone.
"Ryan?"
"Jeff! How's everything in Brigadoon?"
"Rrrright as rrrrain! How are Kyle and the kids?"
"The kids are growing like weeds. I think Kyle is mixing Vigaro with their Ovaltine."
"You guys sound so happy, I know you've made Dad and Daddy Dave the proudest Grandpops in Briarwood."
"I keep telling your dad that it's not too late to start a second family. He and Dave ought to look into adopting!"
"Jeez, the thought of having a baby brother makes me feel old."
"Why not a baby sister?"
"That thought scares the hell out of me!"
They both laughed.
"I'm skipping to the chase, because I know you too well, Jeff Clayton! You wanna ask a favor, don't you?"
"Not necessarily. Can't I just call up and say 'hi'?"
"No, Jeff, not you. You've never been one to call and say 'hi' unless you finished your sentence with a request. So, what am I gonna say, 'yes' to?"
"Well, since you're being so congenial, I suppose I could ask for a SMALL favor..."
"Uh oh, here it comes!"
"I have this kid who's staying with Johnny and me."
"And he's come between you and Johnny!"
"That'll be the day! He's sixteen years old."
"That's the right age to make the headlines...'Priest Harboring Juvenile For Obvious Reasons'...details on page 97...to be continued."
"Quit clowning! This kid may be in serious trouble, and Johnny and I want to help him."
"OK. Now how does that involve me?"
"To make a long story short, he had unprotected sex about a year ago with a partner who had full-blown Aids."
"Jesus! Another one?"
"What's worse, he's not gay. He's not aware that he could be sick. I mean, I don't know for sure, but the probability of him being at least HIV positive are pretty damned good!"
"I see how serious you are, Jeff! What can I do to help?"
"I'd like to pay his fare to Briarwood and let you walk him through the Institute...give him every possible test and if my guess is correct, I'd like you and Kyle to follow up with his treatment."
"Jeff, that's not a favor to ask---it's what I'm here for. Send him down, you know Kyle and I will do all we can."
"I was just thinking about your kids! You know, safety precautions and all that!"
"Jeff, you know that our kids have lived in an Aids environment since we adopted them. Kyle and I use strict precautions. The kids have picked up on them and go along as if it's the only way to do things."
"I started to call Jay and Troy, but this kid might not know how to take Jay's jokes. He's very precarious. His mother died a few weeks ago. His dad disappeared a long time ago, and he came to Mackintosh looking for his only living relative, his brother, Vince."
"Vince lives in Mackintosh?"
"He did. He died."
"Jesus!"
"Wait until you hear the worst. Johnny and I haven't told him that his brother is dead."
"What are you waiting for?"
"That's where the details get more severe!"
"Oh my God, don't tell me that he may have been infected by his brother?"
"You got it!"
"Jeff, we have loads of room here. If the kid wants to baby-sit, he can stay with us, in case his treatment is going to be long-term."
"I knew you would say that. You and Kyle have never turned your back on any person in need."
"How could we? I mean, after all that your dad did for us, not to mention the love we got from Father Cliff and Roger."
"I know. Roger's living legacy just keeps going on and on."
"And Father Cliff's!"
"I know."
"And, at the rate you're going, you're gonna have a living legacy before you're thirty!"
"Shut up! I'm not doing any more than you, Kyle, Jay, Troy, and Alex are doing."
"Hey, speaking of Alex, how's Ted?"
"They're supposed to arrive here in the next day or two. Ted's walking again, with the assistance of two canes, but he IS walking!"
"I hope he and Alex will like living there. It's quite a contrast from L.A., but since they were both raised here in Briarwood, I think they'll adjust to it OK."
"Here's hopin'!"
"Jeff, call me when you're ready to send the kid."
"I will. I just had to get the OK from you and Kyle."
"You sneaky little bastard. You knew damned well you'd get the OK from me."
"Apparently, my reputation precedes my influence."
"It always will, Jeff. Why try to change now?"
"I love you, Ryan. Give my love to Kyle."
"We love you and Johnny, Jeff. We do miss you, though."
"Thanks. Listen, I've got to tell Johnny about our conversation, and after we've talked with Mike, I'll get in touch with you.
"Oh? The kid has a name?"
"Yeah, I'm sorry. It's Mike Hanley."
"You always leave out the essential details when you call to ask a favor."
Jeff laughed, hearing the truth.
"I'm sorry. Good night, Bro."
"Good night, 'Father'."
The conversation ended, Jeff went back to join Johnny and Mike, but discovered that Mike had gone to bed.
"Is he all right?" Jeff asked.
"I think he had too much to eat on a nearly empty stomach. I told him to go on to bed."
"Whom were you talking with on the phone?"
"Ryan."
"Our Ryan?--in Briarwood?"
"Uh huh."
"What about?"
Jeff explained the reason for calling Ryan, showing the method in his madness or vice-versa. Johnny was pleased by Jeff's plan of action. IF Mike was HIV positive or worse, he could receive no better treatment than at the Cole Institute.
"When are you gonna tell him?" Johnny asked.
"Fuck! I don't know! I tried several times during dinner but lost my nerve every time. I mean, how do you tell a boy, who's still grieving over his mother's death, that his brother died of AIDS...and oh, yeah, you might be dying, too?"
"Sleep on it, Jeff. Maybe the two of us can tell him at breakfast in the morning."
"That's a helluva a way to start your day...especially for Mike."
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When Alan had finished his day at the center with Johnny, he hurried to the Powder Puff Pub. His stomach was aflutter with all the butterflies he felt. He hadn't talked with his new lover since this morning on the phone, and hadn't seen him since the two of them had slept together the night before. Alan was sure that his feelings for Scott hadn't changed, but he feared that Scott may have been caught up in the moment last night, and might feel differently in the light of a new day. Alan had experienced this many times. How many times had he heard the "I love you, babe" lies. Because the next line would be something like, "Could you suck a little harder?" One night romances...all too frequent, and each one more hurtful than the one before.
"If Scott looks at me like a meaningless trick, I swear, I'll walk out of the bar and go kill myself!" Alan resolved.
It was nearly six before he reached the Puff. The bar was filled with patrons lingering from the "happy hour". The jukebox was blaring, "Cry Me A River" by Julie London. All the stools at the bar were taken except two. Alan slowly walked to take a seat at one of them, trying to be unnoticed. Scott had his back turned away from the bar, shaking a cocktail. As he turned around, he caught a glimpse of Alan in the corner of his eye. He poured the drink into two glasses and set them in front of two customers and made his way toward Alan. Alan saw him coming and thought he would get diarrhea in anticipation.
Scott walked around the opening of the bar and strode up to Alan's back.
"Turn around," Scott said to him.
"What?"
"I said, 'turn around'."
Alan swiveled the barstool to face Scott. He thought he would faint when Scott grabbed his two cheeks and planted a big kiss on Alan, The patrons who were watching began to cheer, loud whoops and whistles filling the bar. When the kiss had ended, Scott looked into Alan's eyes.
"Hi, lover!" Scott said.
Alan was so overcome with emotion that he burst into tears.
"You're still the same way." Alan replied. "You didn't change."
"Why should I? Didn't you believe me when I said I never lie?"
"I guess not. I hoped, but I had little faith."
"Stop crying and show the crowd how happy we are!" He took his thumbs and wiped Alan's cheeks.
The crowd was still happily taunting the new lovers. They were crying out all kinds of comments, like, "Hey Scott, you told me you'd never fall in love again!", "Scott, who finally snared you?". "Scott, what's he got that I don't? I told you I was hung!"...to which someone replied, "Scott thought you said you were going to hang yourself!" Everyone laughed. A few walked toward Alan and Scott offering sincere congratulations and best wishes, amidst some kidding jeers.
"Wanna drink?" Scott asked him.
"Yeah, I think I do."
"Name your poison, only don't order anything too strong. I want you sober when we get home."
"Uh...I'll have a Vermouth martini with a splash of gin over the rocks."
"Don't tell me I've got to teach you how to drink?"
"I guess you have a lot of things to teach me." He smiled at Scott.
"One Vermouth martini coming up." Scott announced, going back behind the bar.
The group that had surrounded Alan remained to introduce themselves. Alan couldn't believe how easy it was to meet people and make new friends. Being in love for the first time had put everything in Alan's life into a new perspective. The day at the center with Johnny had tired Alan, but he had enjoyed every minute of it.
"Wanna dance?" an unfamiliar voice asked Alan.
"No, thank you, I don't dance." Alan replied nicely.
"Ah, come on. It's not really dancing---you just kinda stand there and do your own thing while keeping time with the music. It's a good way to let yourself go."
Scott moseyed over to just in time to hear the conversation,
"Go ahead, my little guy, dance with Rocky!" Scott said encouraging Alan.
"All right, but if I mess up..."
"You won't mess up," Scott added. "Go have a little fun. Life is like a cafeteria. You stand in line and decide what you want and go for it!"
Alan had never heard words like this said to him. It made him feel good that someone cared enough about him to egg him on, even if it meant dancing with a stranger. It was like....Scott trusted him, and he realized that that made him feel even better. Before the bar closed, Alan had danced with nearly every guy that asked him...and that was many.
Scott closed the bar and he and Alan walked home. The evening was warm and the moon was waxing. Crickets and frogs were singing duets, creating a night music to be remembered.
"Tired?" Scott asked.
"Yeah, but a happy 'tired'," Alan said, looking up at Scott.
"You've had a long day since you left the house around 6:00 AM. How did things go at the center with Johnny?"
"It was great. I told him about you and me. I hope you don't mind."
"Mind? You can shout if from the church tower if you like. In fact, I think I'd like that real well."
"It's so hard for me to believe that you love me." Mike's eyes misted up a little.
"Better get used to it, " Scott smiled.
"It's just I don't want us to get started...and, well, one of us gets sick...and..."
"Hush. That's the problem with most relationships. People gauge everything on 'what if's', and forget to relish today. We have tonight and, yes, we'll have tomorrow, and the day after. Eventually, there WILL be a time when one of us will leave the other, but think of all the good times we might waste, waiting for the bad times in the future."
"Do you want to cook a full meal when we get home?" Alan asked, trying to change the subject.
"Are you hungry?"
"I had that kielbasa sandwich you made me at the bar."
"That's not enough and it's certainly not healthy enough. If we're going to try Johnny's new meds and treatment, we'd better make our bodies healthier. Whaddya say?"
"I like broccoli."
"That's what I heard. That's when I thought you were sick in the head, not just physically."
"Don't you like it?"
"Green turds with tiny beads on the top! Yecch!!"
Alan laughed.
"You're from New York. I'll bet that you're strictly meat and potatoes."
"Heck no! My dad was Italian. We had to have pasta five times a day, including snacks."
"How do you eat pasta for a snack?"
"Ma used to dip it in melted chocolate."
"Are you serious?"
"No, but I wanted you to see what it would be like if I ever lied to you....not that I ever would!"
By this time they had reached their home. The last part of their walk, they had held hands like two adolescents. They stopped and took a long look at their cottage before entering,
"Well, we're home, my love."
"Home..." Alan sighed. "I like the sound of that. And the 'my love' is enough to fill my heart."
"I like hearing you say that." Scott leaned over to kiss Alan's cheek.
"Scott, can I ask you something?"
"Anything! Shoot!"
"Do you plan on us sleeping together tonight?"
"Tonight, and every night from now on."
"Do you think if we're really careful, we might make love?"
Scott looked at him. "Is that what you want?"
"I think so. I've never had anyone to make love to me before. Sure, I spent the night with lots of older men, but it was for THEIR pleasure, not mine."
"I think I might have some condoms stored in mothballs."
"You haven't been sexually active since you moved here to Mackintosh?"
"Nope. It's not like I didn't have the chances. Hell, I could've had any number of guys from the bar, but I didn't want to. I never had a reason to want to, until you came into my life last night. But, even then, I decided that we would never have sex until you wanted to."
"I want to...tonight...with you."
"It would be an honor making love to you."
Alan returned Scott's kiss, but this time on the lips. Their passion led them into the house to a wonder each of them had yearned for.
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Needless to say, upon hearing of his brother's death, Mike was devastated and burst into tears at the breakfast table. That was only the first part of truth's two edged sword. The second pronouncement he would hear would perhaps involve his own mortality. Jeff decided with Johnny that it would be best to tell Mike everything at one sitting rather that stress him out twice in one day. It's like when a boxer knocks his opponent to the floor, once the opponent's down, he can't go any farther.
"You're telling me that Vince had AIDS, that queer's disease, and came up here to die?" Mike asked through his tears.
"Yes, Mike. That's why Mackintosh exists. People come here to die in order to pass away peacefully and unnoticed by their family and friends." Johnny replied.
"That's why he didn't want to see Momma when he came to visit me. He was too embarrassed to tell her?"
"Mike, that's the next thing we need to talk about," Jeff said, "Vince's visit with you."
"What about it?"
"You told me that Vince forced you to have sex with him before he left...."
"I told you that in secret. No one was supposed to know about it."
"No one knows except us."
"Are you and him more than just roommates? I mean, are you a couple of queers, too?"
"I wish you wouldn't use that word," Jeff said. "Yes, Johnny and I are a gay couple."
"But...you're a priest! Don't you have rules against queers, like the Baptists do?"
"No. Gay couples are accepted in our church. Even gay priests."
"I'm not sure I understand all of this."
"I'll explain it to you later," Jeff said. "But right now, I want to talk with you about Vince's visit."
"What do you want to know? I told you everything."
"You mentioned that Vince didn't use a condom when he had anal intercourse with you."
"I told you, there was no reason for him to wear one."
"Yes, there was, Mike....a very good reason."
"What reason?"
"Do you know anything about how people get AIDS or become HIV positive?"
"I keep trying to tell you, I don't know nothing about queers, AIDS, or 'HAV' whatchamacallit."
"Mike, what Jeff is trying to tell you is that Vince, unknowingly, might have given the disease to you."
"I told you and Father Jeff that I washed myself real good after Vince left."
"Usually, washing does no good, once you've had unsafe sex."
"Heck, that was over a year ago. I ain't been sick. If Vince had given me something, I would know it by now!"
"Mike, the virus may be in your system and hasn't begun to take its toll on your immune system yet, Sometimes it takes years before it manifests itself." Johnny said.
"Are you trying to tell me that I may be dying and don't know anything about it?" Mike's eyes showed he was becoming panicked.
"It's a possibility. That's why Jeff and I want to have you tested."
"Oh, no! I don't want anybody else to know what happened between Vince and me, or else they might think I was queer, too."
"Mike, over half of AIDS cases aren't gay related. Women, children, and even old people get it, too, without ever having sex with anyone. Surely you've watched TV in Alabama and learned that the HIV virus is transmitted in blood transfusions or many other scenarios where a person comes in contact with an infected body fluid. You could have a cut on your lip and drink from the same glass that an HIV victim has used and get it just as easily as if you'd had sex with that person."
"Well, is there a cure for it?" Mike asked, showing fear in his eyes for the first time.
"There's no cure yet, but they are ways to treat it and to manage it so that it stays in remission and never goes any farther."
"Do you treat it here in Mackintosh?"
"Not yet, but most of the residents here have found a way to live with it and manage it."
"Who'll give me the test?"
"There's a huge institute in Jeff's and my hometown. It is the biggest treatment center in the United States. They have the latest drugs and the finest staff of doctors to treat you."
"How would I get there? I've only got less than a hundred dollars in the whole world."
"We have connections with the institute," Jeff added. "If you'll go, it won't cost you anything. We will pay for your transportation there and we've arranged for you to have a place to stay."
"A hotel?"
"No, we have two brothers who will take care of you at their house."
"Are your brothers queer, too?"
"They are gay. They aren't my natural brothers. I know it sounds confusing, but they are a gay couple, the same as Johnny and I. They have two adopted children."
"Dadgum! No wonder Momma was always worried about me leaving home and going out into the world on my own. I didn't know a single queer in all of Dothan!"
"Oh, they're there, you just don't suspect them."
"Gosh! Are you guys trying to take over the whole world?"
Jeff laughed. "No, Mike, we're just trying to make a place in it for us to live in."
"How soon do you want me to leave?"
"As soon as you're ready."
"Will you give me a couple of days to think about it?"
"Sure, take as long as you like."
"Do you know if Vince is buried here in Mackintosh?"
"Yes, Mike," Johnny said.
"I would like to see his grave."
"I'll take you there, today or tomorrow...whenever you like." Jeff told him.
"Would it be all right if I stayed here until I've made up my mind?"
"Yes, Mike, you're welcome to stay here as long as you like."
Mike sat silently, letting everything he had just heard sink in.
"Father? Can I ask you one more question? I mean, it's none of my business...and you don't have to answer."
"Ask it, Mike. At this point, I'll tell you anything you want to know...within reason."
"Do you two have AIDS?"
"No, Mike, we're virus free."
"Then why do you live here. Why don't you go somewhere that's safe?"
"Mike, Johnny and I have dedicated our lives to helping anyone who has the virus."
"You must be crazy! Dang, if I'd stay around a place like this on purpose."
Jeff and Johnny exchanged glances and smiled at one another.
"What would you like to do today, Mike? You can stay here or come with me to the church to finish cleaning, or you can go to work with Johnny and see what he does to help the residents here. It's your decision, You make the choice,... or we could go to the cemetery on the way to the church or to Johnny's center."
"I think I'd like to stay here, if you don't mind. I've got a lot of thinking to do."
"As you wish. I'll come home from the church around noon and fix your lunch. Whaddya say?"
"Yeah, I guess."
Johnny gathered the breakfast dishes from the table and scraped the cold uneaten breakfast food into the garbage disposal. Jeff remained seated at the table with a very scared, very heartbroken sixteen year old boy from Alabama. Then the phone rang.
"I'll get it, Johnny." Jeff said, hurrying to the phone. "Hello?"
"Hey, bro!" Alex replied.
"Alex! Glad to hear from you! How's Ted, and when are you leaving?"
"In a couple of hours. You said you'd meet us at the Montpelier Airport!"
"My God! You're coming today? I don't know what I was thinking! Of course, I'll meet you...with open arms."
"I've got Ted excited about the move. I just pray to God he's not disappointed when we get there."
"Don't worry. He'll love it here. We'll MAKE him love it!"
"Boy, you may have become a priest. but you still remain a con artist."
"Alex, how can you say such a thing to your own flesh and blood brother?" he laughed.
"The same way I've been saying it to you since you were a babe in diapers and knew how long and how loud you had to cry for Mom and Dad to give you whatever you wanted. I saw through you then, the same as I can see through your pseudo-sanctimonious ways now...but I wouldn't have you any other way. That's what makes you 'Jeff', the brother I've always loved."
"Some day, I may break down and tell you what makes me love you, too."
"Well, we've gotta run. Our flight gets in to Montpelier around one this afternoon. Will you have time to make it?"
"If my car won't make it, I'll have Johnny charter another jet for me...only I have to go to Montpelier to charter one."
"What can I say?"
"Nothing! Just get yours and Ted's butt up here where I can look after you. I've seen your cottage and it's lovely. It's first class! I think it's perfect for the two of you."
"Uh oh! If you think it's perfect, I won't be able to rest a minute until I see it for myself."
"Johnny thinks so, too."
"In that case, if Johnny agrees, maybe we WILL like it!"
"Get off the phone and go catch the goddamned plane!"
"Yes sir! See you...and I love you!"
"Me, too. Now GO!"
Jeff couldn't believe he had mixed up the date of Alex's arrival. But that was all right. It meant that in less than four hours he'd be with his brother and his brother-in-law, and that made him very happy.
"Mike, I have a change of plan. How would you like to drive with me to Vermont and pick my brother up at the airport?"
"You called him 'Alex'. Is that your brother's name?"
"Yes, Alex Clayton."
"I heard you mention another name...'Ted'. Is he another brother?"
"Well, kinda."
"Good Lord! Don't tell me that your brother, Alex, and Ted... are a gay couple too?"
Jeff laughed out loud as Johnny laughed from the kitchen at the same time.
"I don't want to disillusion you about my family, but, yes, Alex and Ted are a gay couple, too."
"I think I'd better hurry and get out of this town. The next thing you'll be telling me is that the whole town of Mackintosh is queer."
It was all Jeff could do to keep from breaking into hysteria. He could hear Johnny's laughter coming from the other room.
Jeff told Mike to brush his teeth, comb his hair, and get spiffed up for their trip. Johnny readied himself to go to the center while Jeff changed clothes, very "unpriestly" in fashion, to wear to go meet his brother.
"You want me to drive to Montpelier with you?" Johnny asked.
"No, babe, thanks, but with Mike and all of Alex and Ted's luggage, we're gonna be a bit cramped for room. I want Ted to have the back seat all to himself, in case he needs to stretch out his legs." Jeff replied.
"Drive carefully, will you? Remember your station. You're not that hotrod punk that used to terrorize your neighbors with your inept driving abilities."
"I never got a ticket in my life!"
"That's because the Almighty was looking after you. He had bigger things for you to do."
"Bigger? There you go, bragging about the size of your cock!" Jeff joked, changing the subject from his reckless driving reputation to something much more fun.
"I'll show you how big it really DOES get when you get home tonight."
"Oh? Have you been holding back for five years?"
"I'll surprise you!"
"Be careful and if you have car trouble, call me at the center on your cell phone."
"I will."
"I love you."
"I love you, too!" Jeff said kissing Johnny, but quickly added, "Bigger? Humph!"
Johnny left for work and soon Jeff and Mike were in the car heading toward Montpelier.
Mike was quiet for the first thirty minutes of the trip. He enjoyed looking at the mountains of New England. The scenery was similar to Alabama, only, when everything was THIS green, it was much hotter down south.
"Pretty, huh?" Jeff said, watching Mike.
"Yeah, it's kinda nice."
"Do you miss your home?"
"What's there to miss? Since Momma died, I was all by myself in Dothan,"
"It's just hard to believe that a guy your age has no friends. I thought everybody was everyone's friend down south."
"Momma and I lived pretty far out in the country. There wasn't no one to make friends with."
"Well, if you decide to go to Briarwood, you'll make LOTS of friends. Kyle and Ryan will see to it."
"Yeah, probably with some of their queer friends."
"Why do you insist on using that word?"
"Queer?"
"Yes."
"Because what you do IS queer! It ain't right."
"Are you afraid someone is going to approach you or attack you?"
"Nah! That doesn't bother me."
"You and I have spent almost two days together. Don't you think that you and I could be friends, at least?"
"Maybe. It's just that..."
"'Just that', what?"
"Before Johnny left for work, I seen the two of you kissing."
"And that upset you?"
"Made me want to puke!"
"Mike, as you get older, you're going to see lots of things that you don't like. There are things that make me want to puke, too."
"Like what?"
"Dads running off and leaving mothers to raise their children all alone. Kids starving to death, having no clothes to wear. These things make me sick and angry."
"Father---I haven't made up my mind for sure, but if I decided NOT to go to Briarwood, what would happen to me?"
"That would depend on a lot of things. First of all, you'd have to know if Vince got you infected or not."
"What if he did?"
"Then, as I told you this morning, we'd help you get treatment so that you could live out your life to its fullest."
"What if I didn't want to get help?"
"What do you mean?"
"Just suppose I had AIDS, and didn't WANT to get well, like Vince?"
"Come on, Mike! Everyone wants to have a long life."
"Maybe I don't!"
"You don't mean that!"
"I was just thinking, maybe I could get a job in Mackintosh, you know, as a stock boy or dish washer or something."
"Where would you live?"
"Well, isn't that a part of Johnny's job, to find places for guys with AIDS, to live?"
"Well...yes."
"Let's say I DO have it and I don't want to get better. Say, I want to stay in Mackintosh? Is there an age limit?"
"Well, no, but you ARE underage."
"If I'm not underage enough to get AIDS, why can't I decide what I want? I got no kin folks to tell me what to do. If I want to die, that should be MY business."
"In a way, I suppose you're right. I'm not agreeing with you, mind you, but I can't see you throwing your young life away."
Mike had three thoughts to say out loud, but he paused before he chose the correct reply.
"Well, I told you I haven't made my mind up for sure, I just wanted to see what you would say if I chose to stay in Mackintosh."
"Like I told you, you have a few days to make your final decision. If Johnny or I can be any help to you...like, if you want to ask questions, go ahead,"
Mike paused again, looking out the window at a deer leaping in a nearby forest.
"You and Johnny really love each other, don't you? I mean, like husband and wife?"
"Yes, Mike, we do."
"Do you think Vince was ever in love with a man?"
"I hope so, for his sake. It's not good to go through life without having loved someone and being loved in return."
"I guess I'll never know."
How often had Jeff heard these same words over the past several years from kids at St, Genesius, at his high school, or at the Cole Center. They were the same words coming out of different mouths, all with the same sadness, the same longing to be loved by someone or something. Jeff's dad had always found the time to show his love toward Alex and him. Jeff always assumed that other parents did the same for his peers. But that was not always the case, Jeff learned as he grew older and went into the priesthood. Many of his high school chums had dropped out of college, taking lesser jobs than those meant for their potential. Some had run away from home. Others took to drink or to drugs. Many of the girls he knew had had abortions before they entered college. Jeff had had long talks with Father Cliff about the breakdown in the average family. None of the people involved in them communicated with the others. They only saw each other in passing to the next activity. But most important, none of them, parents nor peers, ever took time to say, "I love you." It seemed that love in the home was on the endangered species list...about to become extinct.
Continuing the conversation, Jeff said, "Mike, who knows? Maybe you'll find a girlfriend in Briarwood. It's for sure you won't find one in Mackintosh because there are no young straight girls who live here."
"Oh, sure," Mike said, dejectedly. "I'm positive that I'll meet a girl who wants a boyfriend with AIDS!" With this remark, a sudden awareness of reality hit Mike about his situation and he began to cry.
Jeff wanted to stop the car and comfort the tousled, brown-haired boy with eyes green as shamrocks. The boy had had so much thrown on his shoulders to bear during his life, but especially in the past few weeks. Jeff's first inclination was to hold him, hold him tightly, but God forbid, if Mike mistook his affection. Jeff would lose the kid's trust forever if Mike thought Jeff was making a homosexual move on him. So Jeff decided to keep on driving and let him cry it out on his own. After nearly ten minutes of sobbing, Mike's outburst of tears subsided into a mere whimper.
Finally, Jeff spoke, "Feel better?"
Mike failed to respond to the question.
"Mike, if you'll open the glove compartment, you'll find a box of Kleenex in there. You might want to wipe your cheeks or blow your nose."
Mike knew for sure that his face was a mess. In spite of not knowing Alex or Ted, he didn't want to give them a wrong impression. He slowly opened the glove box and retrieved the Kleenex and wiped his face the best he could.
"I hardly ever cry," Mike said, "But it seems I cried nearly all day today."
"You've had enough to make a big Marine cry, Mike. All men cry at one time or another. There's nothing unmanly about it. It just shows that you're human like the rest of us." Jeff said, tenderly. "When I was your age, I used to throw temper tantrums and run into my room to cry so no one would see me. I remember one day I had a big argument with my dad and Alex. I told them off, as only I could, and ran into my bedroom, locked the door, and threw myself on the bed and cried for fifteen minutes. Then I washed my face and came out to see assess the damage I'd done concerning my brother and father. I was shocked by what I saw. I had upset both of them so much, they were sitting in the living room crying...both of them! And then I started to laugh. I'd done my damndest to make sure they hadn't seen me and they were crying harder than I had. When they saw me laughing, they looked at each other and joined in my laughter. The three of us sat there laughing for several minutes. When one of us would stop, another one would start all over again."
"Your dad cried too?"
"Sure, my dad cries at lots of things. He cries when he's happy."
"I never got the chance to see my dad laugh."
"That's HIS loss, Mike!"
"Why do you say that?"
"Because he never got to see what a wonderful son he had."
"You think I'm wonderful?"
"Sure, and so does Johnny. It would take a mighty stupid person not to see what a good kid you are. You're tall, you're handsome, with a pretty good build."
"No one's ever said those things about me before."
"Well, you'd better get used to hearing 'em, because you're gonna meet a lot of smart people who'll say what I just said to you...and lots more!"
Mike slowly turned his head toward Jeff and for the first time in two days, Jeff saw him smile. Jeff looked long and hard at him. Jeff decided he had not exaggerated, Mike WAS handsome. His teeth were good and would look better with a few more brushings. He needed a haircut, and, boy!, he needed new clothes and shoes. Jeff was slightly less than ten years older than the boy, but for the first time ever, he knew what it felt like to be a father. Never had Jeff felt so grown-up before---and he liked it! Would he be crazy to talk Johnny into their adopting a sixteen year old kid from Alabama? Probably. Jeff thought, so just get that insane notion out of your head!.
For the rest of the trip, their conversation was lighter with no mentioning of death or AIDS or "queers". Jeff pried into Mike's preferences. such as what movies he liked?...did he follow sports?...did he play video games?...just the kind of everyday chitchat that two boys Mike's age would have.
Jeff pulled his car into the Montpelier Airport parking lot and Mike's eyes widened when he saw the jumbo jets, helicopters, and the hangars hiding various types of aircraft. Jeff wondered if any jets ever flew over Dothan, looking at the awed expression on Mike's face. This kid doesn't need to get a 'new' life, Jeff thought,---he's never had one!.
They got out of the car and went into the terminal. Alex's plane was on time, scheduled to arrive in approximately thirty minutes. Jeff took Mike to the coffee shop to wait. The front part of the shop was filled with books, magazines, gifts, and souvenirs. Mike stopped at the magazine rack where he eyed a "Playboy". When he thought it was safe and Jeff wasn't looking, he slid the "Playboy" out of the slot to get a full view of the naked woman on the cover. Jeff knew what Mike was doing and he turned and watched while Mike tried clumsily to stuff the magazine back where it belonged.
"You like 'Playboy'?" Jeff asked.
"No! I just wanted to see if it showed...NO! I don't like it at all!" Mike said, extremely embarrassed.
"I'll buy it for you if you want it."
"Nah. You'd get in trouble! It's against the law for kids under eighteen to look at stuff like that!"
"Mike, when I was your age, I had lots of stuff worse than that hidden under my bed. So did my brother!"
"Yeah, and I bet yours were pictures of naked men."
"Well, now that you mention it..." Jeff laughed. "No, Alex and I had "Playboy" under our mattresses as well."
Mike had another question he was ready to pop, but decided against it. He thought he had talked enough about the "queer" business for one day.
"I'll tell you what I'll do," Jeff said, "I'll buy it and put it on the coffee table back home, and then, if you want to look at it tonight, you can take it into your room. How's that?"
"OK, I guess, but I don't think I'll be looking at it much."
Once again, Jeff felt himself playing the fatherly role by buying his son his first pornographic magazine...filled with naked women, at that! He was grateful he wasn't wearing his clerical collar. He'd hate to start a scandal that would spread over two states. He bought the "Playboy" and it proved times hadn't changed when the cashier put it into a plain brown paper bag. Jeff invited Mike to sit with him at the luncheon counter and they ordered chocolate ice cream sodas. Mike finish his in such a hurry that Jeff asked the waitress to bring Mike another.
The arrival of the flight from Boston was being announced and Jeff and Mike hurried to Gate "H" to wait. Only twenty or so passengers got off the plane, the last of which were Alex and Ted with his two canes. As soon as Jeff and Alex saw one another, they made a dash to embrace, hug, and kiss. Others, who were watching, tried not to notice, but the brothers didn't care who saw what! Alex ran back to assist Ted. Jeff almost knocked his canes out from under him while trying to embrace him as well. Jeff realized he had known Ted all his life and this was the first time he'd ever hugged him. Jeff decided to make up for lost time and planted a big kiss on his brother-in-law. Jeff's display of affection took Ted by surprise and his face reddened. Ted still lived in the straight world when he was in public view.
Alex noticed the young man with his brother and said, "My God, Johnny, you've gotten younger!"
Mike wasn't sure how to react, so he just smiled a little.
"Bro, I want you to meet Mike Hanley. Mike, this is my brother, Alex, and this is his...this is Ted."
"Pleased to meet you, sir." Mike said to Alex and Ted.
"Sir? Good God, Jeff, have I aged that much while Ted was in the hospital?"
"No, Alex, Mike is from Alabama where they still say, 'sir' and 'ma'am' to anybody who's a day older than they are."
"Well, it's nice to meet you, too, Mike."
"Mike's staying with Johnny and me for a few days. He might be going to stay with Kyle and Ryan for a while."
"Oh?"
"I'll explain later!" Jeff said, "Let's get your bags and head toward Mackintosh."
"Will it still be daylight when we get there, Jeff?" Ted asked. Alex has seen the town and, of course, I haven't."
"There should be plenty of light. If not, you've got tomorrow and the next day and the day after to see all of Mackintosh!"
Mike helped carry the luggage, putting it in the trunk of the car. He sandwiched himself in the front seat between the Clayton brothers, giving the entire back seat to Ted. He felt a bit uneasy traveling in a car with three homosexuals. He almost came unglued when Alex placed his arm to rest on the back of the seat, just behind Mike's head. Alex, not knowing anything about Mike or his homophobic background, had no second thoughts about putting his arm almost around Mike. Occasionally, Alex would nudge Mike in the back with his thumb and each time. Mike became more uncomfortable.
The entire conversation on the way to New Hampshire consisted of tales about the accident, the therapy, the phone calls from the Briarwood bunch, and slowly Mike began to relax and enjoy the enviable discussion of home life, both present and past. Ted didn't talk much, he was enjoying the scenery of mountains, forests, lakes, and streams. Vermont and New Hampshire were beautiful. Some of the valleys were almost breathtaking. Ted sat there taking it all in and tried to acclimate himself to his new surroundings. It was a far cry from the traffic and smog of L.A. and it slowly began to please him.
An hour into the trip, Mike suddenly realized that he felt like he was a member of the family. He loved the way Jeff and Alex joked and kidded each other. He joined in, every chance he got, to laugh out loud with them. Mike had only got a quick glimpse of Ted, but he thought he had seen him somewhere, sometime, only where and when? Then the conversation led to sports and that's when it dawned on Mike who Ted was. He was that sports announcer he'd seen on TV. He must know all the famous athletes, Mike thought. Maybe he could get me some autographs and send them to me, if I go to Briarwood!. Ted was the only celebrity Mike had ever seen in person, then his attitude changed when he remembered that Ted was a queer like Alex, Father Jeff, and Johnny. There was no way that Ted, the sports star, could do things like that! Mike became even more unnerved when Alex accidentally pressed his leg against Mike's. He tried to push his own legs closer together to release the pressure of Alex's leg and give him more leg room. It became worse when Alex relaxed more, allowing his leg to come in contact with Mike's once more. Alex was doing this innocently because he had no idea what dilemma his leg was causing Mike to be in. Then, something very strange happened---Mike discovered that Alex's touch was making him sexually aroused. He panicked. He didn't know whether to hit Alex and cause a scene or ask Father Jeff to stop the car. He sat quietly in his quandary, assessing the predicament he was in.
Jeff sensed something was wrong and looked at Mike, "Are you all right?"
"No, I think I'm gonna be sick!" Mike announced.
Jeff pulled the car over to the side of the rode and Alex let Mike out to be sick. Jeff got out of the driver's side and walked to the back to see about Mike, who was adjusting his, now, semi-erect cock to keep it from tenting in his baggy pants.
"You OK?"
"Huh! Yeah, I just got kinda car sick, that's all." Mike dared not say anything to Jeff about Alex and the 'leg business'.
"Let's see what I can do to make you feel better," Jeff said, walking back to his door. "Ted, is there room for Mike to sit back there with you? He got pretty car sick sitting between Alex and me."
"Sure, tell him to climb in, we'll MAKE room."
Mike thought this change in seating would alleviate the situation in the front seat and he took a seat next to Ted. Now Mike got a really good look at the celebrity and became more in awe of his fellow passenger. If it was all right for a man to think another man is handsome, then this was the time, because Ted Baxter was truly handsome in Mike's eyes. He still refused to believe that Ted and Alex did things to each other in bed!
It was nearly four in the afternoon when they entered Mackintosh city limits. Alex turned around from the front seat to watch Ted's expression, which changed with each quarter mile. By the time they reached Alex's and Ted's new domicile, Ted's face was beaming with delight and excitement. Alex felt an instant relief.
"Well, bro's, here's your new home!" Jeff announced.
Alex turned back to get his first view and he was astonished. It met all his expectations and then some. The cottage was actually larger than Jeff's, but still had the same storybook image with the Tudor doors and wooden shuttered windows. Alex didn't know that the difference in the elegance of the two homes had been paid for anonymously by his brother. Jeff had had the home catered to accommodate Ted's recovery, complete with a whirlpool bath, a sauna, and a semi-den/workout room to aid in Ted's therapy. Jeff also assumed that Alex and Ted would be have frequent visits from their dads and so, two spare bedrooms had been built, besides the master and guest bedroom.
"My God, Jeff! Is this all for us?" Alex exclaimed.
"Compliments of the Mackintosh city builders!" Jeff lied.
"Ted, what do you think?" Alex asked.
"You want me to judge a book by its cover? I want to see inside," Ted replied. "but from what I've seen, I love it already!"
Alex looked at Jeff and almost broke into tears at Ted's comment.
"Anything you want, or find out that you need, just name it!" Jeff said to Ted.
The four of them, including Mike, walked to the door.
"Who's able to lift whom over the threshold?" Ted joked.
"We're lifting YOU, you big jughead!" Alex said, "Come on, Jeff! Help me hoist this big hunk that I love!"
Alex and Jeff made a big to-do about the house's inauguration and the two of them lifted Ted in the air, through the doorway. Once inside, they discovered that the interior was quite a contrast to the exterior. Jeff had spared no expense in modernizing each room with the latest gadgets and appliances, including a wall screen television for Ted to watch his sports tapes on.
"Like it?" Jeff asked, putting his arm around his brother's shoulder.
"Jesus Christ, Jeff! How did the residents afford all this luxury?"
"Oh, we get private donations from time to time."
Ted almost tripped while going from room to room, still stunned by what he was seeing. Mike, on the other hand, was awestruck. He had never seen anything in his life to compare with the home. It was as if he had gone to Disney World.
"Good Lord, whom are all these rooms for?"
"Our dads, Ted's dad and stepmother, Kyle and Ryan, Jay and Troy, Rob and Timmy...anyone you might want to invite for a visit. There's even two small offices in the rear, one for you when you go to work with Johnny, and the other for Ted to fill with his sports memorabilia or anything he chooses. Come on, I want you to look at the view from your back deck!"
The panorama in the rear was a view of the lake with massive mountains in the distance. It was like a huge 180 degree backdrop, constructed and painted for an epic movie. Ted and Mike had followed the brothers and were speechless by what they were looking at.
"God, it's unbelievably beautiful!" Ted managed to say.
"Want to try it out for a month or so?" Jeff asked him.
"How about a lifetime?" Ted replied.
"What do you think of it, Mike?" Jeff asked.
"You mean, all of this is for TWO people?"
"My two FAVORITE people, outside of Johnny." Jeff replied.
"It's like something I've seen on TV, only this is real!" Mike said.
"Jeff, did you have a hand in this?" Alex asked, suspiciously.
"Oh, Johnny and I came by from time to time to offer suggestions to the builders."
"Yeah, and you oversaw it with your own money!"
"Bro, I promise you, I didn't spend one cent of MY money!"
Alex got the message. Jeff had used Roger's money, but he also knew, that he would've done the same for Jeff and Johnny. He realized that Jeff and Johnny had done all this for Ted in an effort to make Ted's and his life more complete and fulfilling.
"Well, I'm going to leave you two alone and take Mike to the church with me. I can still wipe down a few pews before Johnny gets home. Oh, we are expecting both of you for dinner at our house."
"What time?"
"Whenever you're ready...six, seven, eight, nine? Our number is programmed into your phone. Hit '*7' and we'll come pick you up!"
"How can we say 'thanks' for all that you and Johnny have done for Ted and me?"
"You can't! It'd be like thanking yourself. Alex, we have the same blood in our veins, we shared the same womb at different times, and it was the same father's seed which sired the two of us. We're like the same person in two bodies, so thanking me is like..."
"I know," Alex said, "and I suppose my loving you is narcissistic."
"You could say that!"
"One more thing before you go." Alex said.
"Name it!"
"A couple of days ago, Ted and I were talking at the hospital, and Ted asked if you or Johnny might be able to find someone to help him with his exercises, getting in and out of the shower, et cetera. I was wondering if you knew of some resident or some kid who'd be willing to assist. We'd pay him, of course."
Mike soaked up every word that Alex had uttered. His mind was racing a mile-a-minute.
"Johnny and I will look into the situation and see who we can find." Jeff said.
The four of them said 'goodbye' and Jeff left, followed by Mike, to go to the church. Jeff started the car and noticed a strange look on Mike's face.
"Is anything wrong?" Jeff asked him.
"No." Mike replied, somberly. "I was just thinking?"
"About what?"
"I think I've decided not to go to Briarwood?"
"Oh?"
"I have other plans, instead."
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(To be continued in "Whence Cometh My Help: Father Jeff-11")