Briarwood

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

<><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><><>

"BRIARWOOD"

aka "Whence Cometh My Help"

R.S.V.

A dramatic saga

by

Ritch Christopher

<><><><><>

BOOK ONE

Chapter Five

"Sometimes people leave you

Halfway through the wood.

Do not let it grieve you,

No one leaves for good.

You are not alone.

No one is alone.,,"

Stephen Sondheim

"Into the Woods" Act II

<><><><><><>

Kitty Marsden would have people believe she was the second Immaculate Conception. She had arrived mysteriously in Briarwood twelve years ago with a two year old son named Kendall, and had never mentioned the whereabouts of his father. She had enough money and wealth to offer the Almighty a second mortgage on His celestial abode. No one knew where she had gotten it and no one had ever been successful in learning a thing about her illusive past.

She had bought the biggest house in town and proceeded to add another wing to it. She surrounded the grounds with a high wrought-iron and stone fence, but no one could guess whether it was to keep Kendall inside, away from the world, or vice-versa. The kid, now fourteen years old, had never attended school with other children. He had had a long series of private tutors which seemed to change yearly. The tutors could only enter the grounds with a scanned photo ID. The only time anyone ever saw Kendall was when he accompanied his mother to 11:00 mass at St. Genesius, sitting with Troy in their private pew which was always cordoned off with a large red velvet rope. Anything that Kendall's heart desired was bought for him by his mom...and that included human beings apparently, for, by all standards, Troy now belonged to him. Momma had bought and paid for him. In searching the Ten Commandments, there was nothing mentioned about slavery or blackmail, so it must be legal in the eyes of God.

The idea that Troy had gotten himself in such a mess made Cliff want to shake him, to beat some sense into him. At the same time, Cliff longed to hold him and give him some of the much-needed love he was missing. Troy had been helpless since his "incarceration" on the Marsden estate. How could he fight a woman more powerful than God? Most guys in his situation would have committed suicide by now. But then, others might find it appealing, living in a mansion and the only requirement you had to meet was to sexually satisfy the mistress' 14 year old heir. Things could be a lot worse, Cliff supposed, but then again, it was easy to see how one could grow tired of baby-back ribs and long for a big juicy t-bone. There had to be a solution but Cliff would have to keep looking upward for a sign. So far, the sky was hidden by dark clouds.

Things were brighter for Rob and Timmy. When they emerged arm in arm from Cliff's bedroom Tuesday night, they looked like an ad for "Love Finds Andy Hardy". Jay sat there beaming as Cliff had furthered his 'hero' status in Jay's eyes. Cliff had done nothing more than work a giant jigsaw puzzle. When one sees two pieces that so obviously should fit together, why not try? Most times a person's gut instincts prove to be correct and this time was no exception to the rule, for Rob and Timmy had not only had a wonderful evening of sex, they had discovered an emotional attachment with one another. Cliff was certain that his methods of nurturing his flock would not have met with the approval of his professors at the seminary, but the Church's founder, Old King Henry the Eighth, would have rollicked in glee for the way Cliff twisted catechism to find a way for true love to prevail. Who knows? Henry might've knighted Cliff.

One good thing---Cliff had diverted a teacher from possibly being arrested for teen molestation and a husband from abusing a wife out of sexual frustration. Yes, Pollyanna, there was something to be glad about.

Cliff asked Jay if he would arrange a dinner party for Sunday evening when Cliff would get a perspective on his work by inviting Troy, Rob, and Timmy. Jay was all excited as he was asked to prepare his best dishes and it was all right to splurge from the budget this one time, though Cliff was hoping that pheasant was out of season. Otherwise, he would have to take a part time job at Wendy's to pay for the meal. After three days of planning, Jay settled on his menu. For an appetizer he chose Brandied Prunes, to be followed by Toheroa soup, a Tanunda salad, and for an entree, Queensland duck with Ngaurhoe potatoes and, to please his landlord, broccoli Amandine with black olives. This was to be served with a 1964 Bordeaux followed by a dessert, Pears Dijonnaise and café-au-lait. Cliff had no idea what most of these things were, but they sounded impressive and that's just what Jay wanted to do...impress Cliff's new "friends".

On Wednesday, following the night that Rob and Timmy had "found" each other, Cliff took Jay to see one of the best oncologists he could find that specialized in HIV and AIDS treatments, Dr. Benjamin Blair, a doctor who primarily treated cancer patients but he was an expert on chemotherapy and if Jay was as far gone as he said he was, maybe an unorthodox approach was the best procedure to see if Jay could get into some state of remission. Hell, what had they to lose?

Dr. Blair ran a series of tests. blood and otherwise, and started Jay on a vitamin regimen plus a couple of new drugs that had just been given FDA approval for advanced cases of the dreaded plague. Cliff promised the doctor that he would oversee Jay's home treatment to make sure he stayed on his meds. Cliff laughed out loud as they were leaving the doctor's office because the last thing Dr. Blair said to Jay was, "Be sure and eat plenty of broccoli!". That was music to Cliff's ears.

There was less than six years difference between Jay's and Cliff's ages but Cliff almost had the feeling that Jay was more like a son to him. Maybe Jay had called him 'Father' too much. That's one of the hazards of the profession when it comes to a priest's personal life-- that is, if a priest HAS a personal life.

"You have faith in Dr. Blair?" Jay asked as they were leaving in the car.

"I didn't have 100% faith until he told you to eat broccoli. Then I knew we had made the right choice of doctors."

"I wish you had broccoli shoved up your ass. It's coming out of mine 24 hours a day." Jay exclaimed.

"I'd rather have something else shoved up my ass, if you don't mind."

"Is that an invitation?"

"No, just a passing comment."

"Can I ask you a personal question?"

"Who's going to stop you?"

"All right...If you could be completely sure that a person was totally protective with, say, two or three condoms, would you let a high-fiver screw you in the ass? I mean, you wouldn't be afraid?"

"No, Jay, that's why it's called 'safe sex'. If you take pains to make sure you've met all the precautions, there's no reason why I, or anybody else, couldn't indulge in anal intercourse."

"Do you think there are others who feel the way you do?"

"Only the educated ones. The subject of AIDS or HIV has demonstrated ignorance in the smartest people in society. I've visited clinics filled with men, women, and children, infected with HIV, and they were so grateful just to shake my hand. Sometimes a handshake was the only physical human contact they had received since they were diagnosed. Many of them had been rejected or disowned by their families and friends who couldn't find time to come by for a visit. As I said, this disease, or condition, has surely made a lot of smart people stupid."

"When my friend, Lonnie, in New York, was first diagnosed and word got out about him, all of a sudden no one invited us to parties or over to their apartments for dinner. It was like he had leprosy or something worse. The phone stopped ringing. No one bothered to call any more to find out how he was doing or how he was feeling. I could have told them, 'He's depressed, you fucking asshole, and you made him that way!'."

"I know, Jay, people are the same everywhere. Ignorance and stupidity know no boundaries."

"Tell me about Troy, or rather, YOU and Troy," Jay said, changing the subject.

"There's not much to tell. I took his confession last Saturday---that's when I met him, and he came by the rectory for a couple of hours Sunday night. To be honest, those were the only times I've seen or talked to him. I've spent more time with you than I ever have with Troy."

"Is he gay?"

"You know I can't reveal anything to you about a person's personal life."

"Are you attracted to him?"

"Somewhat."

"Is he attracted to you?"

"I don't know, Jay. Why don't you ask him yourself Sunday night and then tell me what he says to you!'

"I just might do that very thing." he said in a jovial manner." Who's more attractive or better looking, me or Troy?"

"Jesus! You ask a lot of questions!"

"Well, why don't you answer of few of them?"

"If I didn't know better, I'd swear you were jealous of a guy you've never even seen."

"Maybe....and maybe not," he said coyly.

"Well, I'm not in love with Troy, if that's what you're getting at."

"But you COULD be?"

"No, dammit. Stop this inquisition before you piss me off."

"Oh goody, we've just had our first quarrel."

"You're an asshole. You know that? A handsome, warm and wonderful, lovable asshole."

"Does that mean you want to kiss and make up?"

"No, because I wasn't mad at you."

"Do you think that Rob and Timmy will become lovers?"

"It's possible. They both need someone special in their lives. And if I do say so, myself, they make a pretty good couple on the surface,"

"What about me? Do you think I'll ever have someone special in my life, as short as it is."

"Of course you will. And stop talking about how short your life's going to be. We're going to get you well---the three of us...you, Dr. Blair, and I."

"Have you thought that maybe YOU are the special one in my life?"

"Only when I'm lying in my bed at night, jerking off and thinking about you."

"Good God! You fantasize about me when you go to bed?"

"Only when I can't 'get off' while thinking about Lassie or Rin Tin Tin."

"I knew you were lying. I bet you don't ever think about me...that way, at least."

"I could, if I chose to."

"Would you sleep with me tonight?"

"I might, if you promise to behave yourself."

"All right, I'll make you that promise, here and now."

"AND if you eat all your broccoli like a good boy and don't fumigate the room with your farts."

"That promise might be hard to keep."

"How well I know."

"Then maybe you'll consider it?"

"Maybe. Let's see how we feel after dinner."

"Fuck! I won't be able to eat a bite, knowing I'll have you for dessert."

Cliff and Jay were about a block away from the manse when they saw a new metallic-blue Lexus parked in front of the house. There was a man sitting behind the steering wheel. Cliff's heart dropped into his stomach as he came nearer the car. Cliff was sure he was imagining what he was seeing.

"Looks like we have company." Jay said.

"Looks like it, only it isn't company." Cliff couldn't breathe.

"Now who's going to spoil my evening?"

"I'm almost afraid to say."

Cliff pulled the car into the driveway and he and Jay got out. At the same time, a tall good-looking man emerged from the Lexus.

"Cliff...?", the man spoke.

The sound of the man's voice stopped Cliff's heart. "Roger?"

"Hello."

"What?...I mean...why?...What are you doing here?"

"Can we go inside?" he asked.

"Sure..." Cliff didn't know whether this was reality or if it was a hell he had never thought of." It's just that I'm so glad to see you. I want you to meet Jay, my new friend, Jay Braxton...Jay, this is my best friend, Roger...Roger Cole." only his inbred manners kept him functioning.

Before speaking, they both sized each other up visually, like two pit bulls in an arena.

"Hi."

"Hello, Jay, pleased to meet you."

"Let's all go inside," Cliff said.

"You two go on into the living room while I get us something to drink." Jay offered.

As soon as Jay had gone into the kitchen, Cliff rushed over to Roger and embraced him. Roger responded by pulling Cliff closer into his chest and Roger buried face into Cliff's shoulder. Roger's speech was muffled and Cliff couldn't tell if Roger was hiding tears or not. This was so strange...so puzzling. Roger was the last person Cliff expected to see in Briarwood.

"What happened, babe? Why are you here?" Cliff asked.

"Oh, God, Cliff, I had to see you. I just wanted to hold you in my arms. I needed someone to talk with, and since you have always been the most important person in my life, I had to come to you. I drove all night, only stopping for gas."

"All the way from Evanston?"

"Yes...almost 900 miles."

"But...your church?...What happened?"

"I quit."

"You what?"

"I quit. I walked out right in the middle of the eleven o'clock mass."

"My God! What happened?"

"I had already served the bread and I had offered the chalice to one full row along the altar rail...and I got to. about the third person on my next round and I suddenly just dropped the grail...wine spilled everywhere...and I looked at my congregation and screamed...'I can't do this! I don't believe any more!!'."

"Jesus, Roger! What happened?"

"I don't know. It wasn't nerves, serving my first mass. I'm sure of that. I looked down at those faces to whom I was offering the sacrament and felt I was not the person to be doing this. I was in the wrong place. I was wearing vestments I didn't want to wear. I was there to teach and care and console and lead the way to something I no longer believed in. It was all wrong...so after I dropped the chalice, I pulled off my outer robe, reached up and tore my clerical collar from my neck, walked down the main aisle and out the front door without looking back. I got in my car, went over to the rectory and picked up as much of my clothes and belongings as I could and headed toward Briarwood to see you."

"Good God! I just don't believe this. What are you going to do now?"

"I don't know, and frankly, I don't care."

"Do you plan to change professions? I mean, what are you going to do for money?"

"Money is no problem!"

"What did you do...rob the coffers before you left?...Is that why you left?"

"Cliff, I never have to worry about money the rest of my life. My Grandfather Cole left me tons of money in his will with the provision that it would be mine if I completed college, seminary and got assigned my first church. It would all be mine...and now, it is."

"I never knew anything about a will or anything. You never mentioned it all these years."

"I didn't want you to think I had joined the priesthood for the wrong reasons."

"Don't take this the wrong way, Rog, but if it wasn't for the money, why did you?"

"You know why...It was you...Everything in life that you did, I had to do, too. I've patterned my whole life after yours. Surely to God, you weren't too blind to see that!"

"No, babe, I've always known that...but I thought once we had graduated and you had been assigned to Evanston, you would find yourself and be your own person...not just a carbon copy of me...You know I always accused you of it. Why did you do that?"

"Then you WERE blind and turned your head so as not to see what was so obvious."

"And that being...?

"Cliff, I have spent my life in your shadow, but I've always been in love with you. You might have thought it was just hero worship...but NO! I always have worshipped you. The single greatest moment of my life was that day when we were kids, wrestling in the gym, and had sex together for the first time."

"Why in hell didn't you speak up?"

"In my blind ignorance, I always assumed you felt the same about me but as the years lingered on, I began to feel it was one-sided...on my part."

"It wasn't." Cliff tried to explain. "I always thought you would outgrow your feelings and marry and raise a family. You always dated and had a girlfriend always through high school and college."

"That's because you did."

"Hell, I was doing it to disguise my homosexuality from my parents."

"That sounds strange. In all these years and after all the pubescent sex we enjoyed, you never once referred to yourself as 'homosexual'. It sounds so blatant when you say it out loud...Have you 'come out'? Does your congregation know?"

"No, only a few...I seem to be revealing myself to them, one at a time."

"Are you involved with someone, right now?"

"No, not in the way you think."

"Jay?...Do you and he have something going?"

"Not romantically."

"Are you two having sex together?"

"Now quit asking questions, you're beginning to sound like an old jealous, jilted lover...But the answer to your question?...No, Jay and I are not having sex...although I think he would like us to."

"There's no one you're serious about then?"

"Not really. There is this one guy, but the situation is impossible and shows no signs of having a future."

"If there IS no one, is there any chance I could stay with you a few days until I decide what I'm gonna be when I grow up?"

"You can stay here as long as you like. Hell, move in! You know you're like the other half of me...Only one problem...Jay is living here and he has the guest room. That means you'll have to sleep on the couch or share a bed with me...YOUR choice..."

"Lady or the tiger. huh?"

"Yep."

"Which one are you? The lady or the tiger?"

"I can be both...depending on whether I'm 'on top' or not."

"Ooooh, now you're talking dirty!"

"No, I'm just warning you before you make up your mind."

"I'll take the tiger!"

"Go to your car and get your stuff and move it into my bedroom then."

"Jesus! My heart's jumping. Do you think I could kiss you before Jay sees us."

"Come here, love of my life, I'll give you a sneak preview of what you can expect more of, tonight."

Roger walked over and planted a big one on Cliff's lips and tried to force his tongue in, without warning, only to find Cli8ff inviting the gesture. Cliff put his arms around Roger and held him as he had longed to for years. One's first love is the one he'll never forget and always keep a special place in his heart for. When Roger pulled out of the kiss, he reached around and squeezed Cliff's buttocks, smiled, rubbed their noses together. Then Roger left to go unpack his car. That was the first moment Cliff came back to reality. There should have been a book or a movie called, "Three Men and a Credo", or something like that, as Cliff had suddenly become too important in three lives...Jay, who needed love and guidance for his life; Troy, who looked to Cliff for love and for his only chance to escape bondage; and Roger who had given up everything in his life to love Cliff and to be like him. Cliff suddenly felt a fear in the pit of his stomach. How could he manage three closely intermingled relationships without hurting any one of the three? Dear God! Whom would he meet at Saturday confession? There could be three or four more at the rate he was going.

Cliff turned around and saw Jay standing in the kitchen doorway,

"Hi," he said, smiling. "Before you start making excuses or explanations, let me first say that I was standing with the door cracked and I heard every word."

"Thanks for being so honest, but I wish you hadn't."

"Cliff, I may be 22 years old, but I'm not just some kid that carries his heart on his sleeve. I had a 'first love' too, at one time. It's a special relationship that no third person can ever interfere with. I need you now...but so does he. You've got quite a job on your hands and there's no reason for me to make it any more difficult than it already is."

"You're not upset?"

"Disappointed a little...but you know what? I have a feeling there's enough of you to go around for everybody. And besides, I think Roger is very handsome and I find him attractive."

"You little shit! You'd find the Pillsbury Dough Boy attractive." Cliff joked.

"I fucked him and he was creamed-filled," he retorted.

They both laughed as Cliff gave Jay a big hug and Roger returned from his car, toting two large suitcases.

"Jay and I were trying to decide on what to have for dinner tonight."

"Anything is fine with me," Roger said, "as long as it's not broccoli."

With that remark, Jay and Cliff burst into hysterical laughter.

"Rog, my friend, you're going to learn to love it around here," Cliff said.

"Yeah, I even spread it on my toast for breakfast," Jay added.

Jay gave Cliff a smirky grin.

"Is this some joke I'm not catching the drift of?" asked Roger.

"We'll explain it all after dinner." Cliff replied,

Jay made a wonderful meal, including a broccoli casserole, and for the next three hours, they sat and got to know one another. By the end of the evening, Jay and Roger had shared their innermost secrets and had become "old friends". It was now nearly midnight and Cliff asked Roger if he would like to shower before retiring. Cliff had to concoct a bedtime medicinal cocktail for Jay.

Roger went into the bathroom, leaving Cliff alone with Jay.

"Hey, little guy, I'm really sorry about tonight. I know how much you had built up your hopes on us spending a wild evening together in bed."

"I'll survive...there's always tomorrow," Jay said.

"You know, that's the most positive thing you've said since I met you."

"It does sound strange, coming from me, doesn't it?...Tell me, how does it feel to have two men in love with you?"

"Make that three." Cliff said.

"You mean Troy?"

"I think so!"

"Boy, the Sunday dinner party ought to be a pretty interesting evening!

"Oh, God, I'd forgotten about that."

"Looks to me like you're cup runneth over with boyfriends."

"Yeah, maybe you should cook a turkey and we'll celebrate Thanksgiving."

"That's a good idea and you could make a wish when you break the wishbone and see who wins the prize...Don't worry, I promise to behave and not let the other two know how I feel about you,"

"Thank you for that, any way...and thank you for other things."

"No. I'm the one who needs to thank you for giving me something to live for."

"You've always had plenty to live for...It was just my task to make you realize it...Now drink this medicine before you go to bed."

"Father Cliff, serving a midnight communion of AIDS antidotes,"

"Keep the faith, little guy, This stuff is going to make you well. I trust Dr. Blair."

"I will, Daddy...Could I have a good night kiss before I go put on my Dr. Denton's and hug my teddy bear?"

"Sure."

Cliff walked over to Jay and placed one hand on either side of his face, pulled Jay's head toward his lips, and at the last moment Cliff shifted and planted a kiss on Jay's forehead,

"Dammit! Is that all I get?" he asked.

"No, I was only kidding. Since you called me 'Daddy', I thought that was only appropriate."

Jay heaved a huge sigh and gave Cliff a big smile. Cliff thought, 'God! He was such a wonderful kid...and yes, I do love him.' Cliff swatted Jay on his bottom as Jay turned to leave. Cliff went into his bedroom where he found Roger with one towel around his waist and a second one he was using to dry his hair,

"Did you get Jay off to bed?"

"Yeah. I thought I was gonna have to spank him."

"He's in love with you. You know that, don't you?"

"Yeah. I know it...but, Roger, you know I can't or won't let myself get involved. I don't know if that medicine is going to work. His t-cell count is so low, the least germ could infect him and I could lose him, just like that," Cliff said, snapping his fingers. "I can only try to make him want to enjoy 'the next day',"

"Sounds like you love him, too."

"I do, Rog, but I'm not IN love with him."

"How do you feel about me, if I may be so brazen to ask?"

"You know you don't have to ask that. I've loved you all my life."

"Yes, but are you IN love with me?"

"I don't know. Why don't we go to bed and you decide if I'm in love with you."

"That's all I dreamed of, for 600 miles."

"You want me to get naked and wrestle Greek-style, like the first time we had sex?"

"No, I want to lie down in bed and make love to you like we never had sex."

With that, Roger dropped both towels and stood there naked before Cliff. Cliff's eyes roamed over Roger's body. Cliff had forgotten how beautiful Roger was. Always before, Cliff had always focused on Roger's crotch to see if he was excited, but for the first time, Cliff was looking at Roger through different eyes. Is it possible that Cliff had never realized what could have been his all these years?

As Roger slipped into bed, Cliff hurriedly removed his clothes to join him. Roger threw the covers back to invite Cliff. Their naked bodies met as they began to kiss passionately. Their erect organs pressed against each other's as they pulled themselves closer, trying to become one person. Roger began making love to Cliff, more aggressively than ever in the past. It was as if, all the previous times, they had been "play-acting". This time it was for real. Cliff dropped his guard, inviting Roger to do anything and everything he wished to do. It was like another "first time". so to speak. The action continued for nearly half an hour and they reached their climaxes simultaneously.

"How was that, Father Cliff?" he asked, returning his head where his lips would be close to his only lover's.

"You were better than you ever were when we were kids."

"You think you could learn to like that on a regular basis...like EVERY night?"

"Only if I could reciprocate in the same manner. Who knows? I might not be able to satisfy you as you did me just now."

"There's only one way to find out." he whispered.

"Jesus, I feel like I'm auditioning."

"You don't have to audition. You've got the part if you want it...You see, I'm a personal friend of the producer of this production. You had the job years ago, if you'd only wanted it."

"How about if I make love to you this time?"

"I'm all yours...body and soul."

Cliff wanted Roger to know he was serious about all this. In their youth, the two had had too many one-night stands and quick "get-offs". If there was any chance of this becoming a long-time relationship, all aspects of lovemaking had to be encountered at one time, This was Cliff's litmus test to see if this was true, long-lasting love between them.

Roger gave his body freely to Cliff and afterward, their bodies were motionless except for the rising and falling of Roger's chest as he lifted Cliff up to return Cliff's head on the pillow beside him. They looked deeply into each other's eyes.

"How was that?" Cliff asked.

"My God, Cliff, you were wonderful."

"So...do you wanna be the parson's wife?" Cliff joked.

"I'd like to try it for the next forty years or so...or at least until I get tired of you."

"You're sure I'm not just after your money?"

"Hell, I would sign a 'pre-nupt' and give it all to you."

"Seriously, Roger. do you love me...and do you think we could make this work?"

"For my part, yes, it would. You're the one who stands to lose a lot. You have your church...your reputation to think about..."

"What if I could have both?...YOU and my church?"

"I'm willing to make a go of it if you're willing to take the risk."

"Roger, let's face it--we're meant to be together. It's always been that way. If you're willing to try, I'm willing to compromise with whatever it takes. Life is too short and true love is too scarce."

"What kind of ruckus would it cause if I moved in here with you?"

"You know the church doesn't frown on homosexuality. They'll have to accept me and my chosen family...or replace me...but I don't think they will. I love you. Why shouldn't my congregation?"

"What about Jay?" Roger asked, concerned.

"Well, I guess we'll just have to adopt him and say he's our prodigal son and we traded in the fatted calf so that he could return home."

"On the surface, it sounds wonderful."

"I'm having this dinner party Sunday night. Why don't we wait and get some feedback from the guests."

"How will you introduce me or explain why I'm here?"

"The same way they've accepted Jay...as part of my family. I have another idea. Would you be willing to help me celebrate Sunday mass?"

"I don't think so, Cliff. I'm not sure I believe any more."

"What happened? What created the doubt?"

"A mosquito."

"A mosquito?...Explain..."

"One night about a week ago, I was sitting in my den and this mosquito landed on my arm and I swatted it. I kept looking at the dead insect and wondered where the life force had gone. Why had it suddenly stopped living? Did it have a soul? Is man the only living thing that has a soul and rises to seek the Almighty and melt into the sun?...I thought about pets, you know, dogs, cats, birds, turtles, which you adopt and treat as members of your family. Sometimes they are more human to us than human beings...and then they die. The life force leaves them too. Is that to say that the life force is what we think of as a soul? Does the animal go to heaven? Or a mosquito, fly, or cockroach? Where does their life force or soul go when it leaves the physical body? And suddenly the catechism we teach became ludicrous...a hoax! I could no longer believe in a heaven or a hell. The child that is prematurely born dead without making a choice about right or wrong, or the ones that ARE born... with mental deficiencies or physical deformities? Or the people who live in pagan tribes who never hear the Word, are they damned to the eternal flames of Hades? I, somehow don't think so! That's when I came to a conclusion I could no longer teach what I no longer believed in. Who's to say that our religion is THE religion? The Buddhists, Mohammedans, Islams, Muslims, Shintoists, all grow up believing in God, but NOT our God. They are certain their's is the true way and we think they are going to our hell for being so ignorant, not believing as we do. What about those that DO believe in our same God, who preach the same identical doctrines, but in a slanted way to suit their way of thinking? And those who say that gays are doomed to suffer in this life with disease and to burn in a lake of fire in the next life to come? Cliff, I no longer felt I was 'called'. I felt I was an actor playing the role of a priest like Richard Burton or Linus Roache. I wasn't preaching the gospel. I was just saying my lines!...Have you ever questioned your spirituality?... Have you ever felt as I do?"

"At times I have, Roger. but the way I get through these doubts is offering hope to the living. Take Jay, for example. I don't want to see him die. He doesn't WANT to die, even though he believes his time is short. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I want him to live one more day---and then another---and then one more after that... I don't want him to leave me... And he, being afraid of the unknown afterlife, is in no hurry to leave, either. If he were in extreme pain or discomfort, maybe he would welcome the uncertain escape. But as long as he can tolerate one more day and can find something good--to feel or to do, why shouldn't he try to stick around a little longer?...It's like you and me. If we decide our relationship will work, then I want fifty or sixty good years with you and me together. And if and when the time comes for one or both of us to die, I want to be sure that we lived every day to its fullest, not wasting a moment that we could share."

"Can you see us together when we're eighty or ninety years old?" Roger asked, jokingly.

"Yes, as long as you can still get an erection. If you can't, I might just have to find a way to euthanize you."

"Who's to say that you won't get erectile dysfunction first?"

"I'm still a believer. I'll pray for a miracle!"

"Do you suppose that's how Oral Roberts got his name?"

"Probably, but if the situation warranted it, I'm sure he would have changed his name Anal Roberts."

"God, I'm glad you still have your sense of humor. That was one thing I always loved about you, Cliff."

"And what were the other things?" Cliff asked.

"Let me show you," he said as he started kissing various parts of Cliff's anatomy. "This one...and this one...and then there's always that one..."

"Turn out the light and let's make love one more time before we go to sleep."

(click)

"...and the world was dark and void."

"Good night, lover."

"Good night. See you on the morrow."

<><><><><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "Briarwood" Book One-chapter six)