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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2002
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BOOK FIVE
"FATHER JEFF"
Chapter Forty-nine
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"If you want to view paradise
Simply look around and view it
Anything you want to, do it
Wanta change the world?
There's nothing to it..."
Written by Anthony Newley
from "Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory"
Copyright 1971
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Alex's news about Ted was received joyfully in both Briarwood and Mackintosh, respectively. Bruce, Ted's father, was so satisfied by Doctor Loomis' report about his son, that after visiting Ted, he returned home to Briarwood in order to catch up on the busy work schedule which he had left 'on hold' when he had had to make the sudden trip to the Boston hospital.
Ted's NG tube and his IV's had been removed and he was eating a light diet of tasteless solid food. Alex insisted on feeding his lover instead of letting one of the nurse's aides do it. He liked using a spoon and wiping Ted's mouth with it, the way a mother would, feeding pablum to her baby. Except for his 'free' arm, Ted was practically immobile in bed with his other three limbs confined in casts.
Ted's mother, Jane was glad to hear about Ted, but she now had an eight year old daughter, Susan to care for, her duties at home let her only keep in touch about Ted's progress from Alex's daily telephone calls to her. In all the time that Ted lived with Bruce and Sarah, it was Bruce who had always bathed Ted even as a small child. Ted, never having had sex, not even a petting session with any girl made him quite reluctant to have a female nurse bathe him in bed. A 'woman's touch' almost made him feel that his body was being violated. He had been reared by his father, made love to his male partner, Alex; and his career was crowded with male athletes. So all his life he had lived almost solely in a man's world. So Ted was more than glad to have his lover give him sponge baths in the hospital. Alex was amused by his lover's shyness and offered to bathe him to deter embarrassment.
In a selfish way, Alex was enjoying having his lover in one place without worrying when or where Ted's next assignment might be. This was the longest period of time that the two of them had spent together in many months, and playing the role of nursemaid was worth the price. Three times during the week, when Alex felt that they were safe from being disturbed by invading hospital nurses, doctors, therapists, or orderlies, he had playfully masturbated Ted into a warm, soapy washcloth. The orgasm had caused Ted pain in other areas but it was good pain where it really counted.
"How was that, slugger?" Alex asked as he wiped the spilled semen from Ted's stomach.
"Oh, baby, that was great! I just wish I had been inside you when I came."
"You will be, in time, baby, but for now, you'll have to settle for a hand job."
"Damn! I hope you don't leave and someone else has to bathe me! I mean, what if I get a boner or something. I'd die of shame if a woman ever saw me hard."
"How about that good-looking male orderly that brought you the bed pan last night?"
"What good-looking orderly?"
"The one I made out with, after you had your nightly sleeping shot." Alex kidded.
"Oh, you mean the DEAD orderly? I thought I heard you two making out on that couch over there. So when I thought you were through and you'd fallen asleep, I jumped out of bed and hit him over the head with the very same bedpan he'd brought me. It was a messy murder...you know...covered in my shit and all, but at least he died quickly before waking you," Ted said, imitating his best sports-reporting voice.
"I see," Alex said, going along with Ted's story, "and where did you put the body?"
"No one knows. They can't find it! For the life of me, I can't remember where I put it. It must be due to my head injury."
"You lovable dickhead!" Alex said, hugging his lover as much as he could reach. "Ted, you're in better spirits and have more sense of humor than I've seen since we moved to Los Angeles. It's like we were kids again, sneaking around to watch an old porno tape, and then trying to hide our adventure from Jeff."
"Alex, I know I must've given you quite a scare. Sometimes, it scares ME when I think I could've died in the car wreck. My body is broken and banged up, I'm in a lot of pain, especially when I first wake up, but I feel better than I have in a long, long time."
"Those pain pills must be potent." Alex said.
"I wasn't talking about feeling better physically. Hell, it'll be a long time before my body doesn't hurt. I mean the way I feel inside. That look that you give me, it makes me all mushy and warm. I know it's the same way you've always looked at me, but I never realized how much I enjoy the way I'm feeling it."
Ted's confession 'touched' Alex, as his eyes moistened with tears.
"Ted, I'm glad you told me that."
"I got lots more to tell you." Ted added. "Have I told you today that I love you?"
"Twice."
"Good. I never want to live another day unless I tell you, every morning and every night, how much I love you and what you mean to me. I know we've lived together for five years, but from now on, I want us to be a 'couple'...like Rob and Timmy in New York, or like Jeff and Johnny...wherever they live in New Hampshire, Troy and Jay, and Ryan and Kyle, along with their adopted kids. That's what I want us to do, Alex, I want us to adopt some kids...boys, of course, but I want two or three of 'em."
"My God, Ted, I can't believe the change in you," Alex said, genuinely impressed by his lover's new demeanor.
"I KNOW I've changed. I've felt it the past couple of days, lying in this hospital bed. Fuck, if I had known I'd feel this way, I'd've wreck my car a long time ago!"
"Like hell you would!"
"I know, I was just making that up, but I'm glad to see what's happened to my outlook on life, anyway. During the past few days, when I wake up and I see you sleeping on that couch, I thank my lucky stars that we're gonna to have another whole day together. And at night, just before I go to sleep, I thank God for letting me have you one more day."
"Ted, I've waited years to hear you say that. It's I, not you, that's grateful for the years we've been together, and for the years ahead of us."
"Come here, you, and give me a kiss."
"Your wish is mine to give."
Alex walked to the bed and French kissed his lover. Neither of them knew how long they kissed because since the accident, time had a different meaning. They treasured each moment; each embrace; each look; each touch; and act of love that would have a new essence of what they meant to each other.
"Do you feel well enough for us to have a serious talk?" Alex asked Ted.
"Whaddya mean? I've been serious about everything I've said."
"I mean, it may be a bit premature, but I want to discuss what we want to do when you are discharged from the hospital."
"Uh oh, I don't think I'm gonna like this discussion." Ted said, seriously. "You're...you're gonna leave me. You've found someone new while I was flitting about the country?"
"Are you crazy? Of course, I'm not going to leave you. There is no one in my life but you...or ever will be, for that matter."
"Then what?"
"Well, the other night, I sorta hinted at a certain place I'd found...a place that I love but I'm not sure if you'd like it."
"I told you then, and I'm telling you now, as long as we're together, I don't give a flying fuck where it is! So, where is it?"
"How would you feel about leaving sunny L.A. for a much colder climate?"
"It wouldn't bother me that much! Heck, it snowed every year in Briarwood when you and I were growing up. Where do you have in mind? Somewhere up in Canada?"
"I was thinking more along the line of New Hampshire."
"You mean up where Jeff and Johnny live?"
"Yes."
"I think that'd be great. It'd be like moving in with family again,"
"Oh, I don't think we'd live in the same house with them. We'd have to get a place of our own. And then, there's your physical therapy to consider."
"Alex, I've spent the past five years of my life in locker rooms all over the country, I've seen every imaginable kind of physical therapy for every type of injury. I could teach you and show you what to do for me. I don't need a fucking therapist, and besides, we couldn't afford one anyway, if my accident's not covered by insurance."
"Ted, that brings up another topic I think it's time we discussed."
"Uh oh."
"It's about money...what we can and cannot afford."
"If I'm not working, there's gonna be a lot of things we can't afford."
"That's where you're wrong."
"Wrong? How?"
"What would you say if I told you that we have over five million dollars in the bank?"
"I'd say we'd better call for a psych consultant to come down and examine you for delusions of grandeur."
"It's not delusion, babe---we've got five million, plus the interest it's being drawing for the past five years."
"Alex, what the fuck are you talking about?"
"If I were to say, 'Roger', would that help explain things?"
"Roger? You mean to say Roger gave you five million bucks?"
"No, he left US five million dollars...you and me."
"And you've been keeping this a secret from me all these years?"
"Yes."
"Why, for God's sake?"
"Because we didn't need it. You had your job. I had mine. We were making ends meet. I just sorta let it sit there in the bank and forgot about it until I called Roger at the hotel last night and he all but had a hissy fit when he learned I had never told you about the money he gave us!"
"How the fuck could you forget about five million dollars? Who else did Roger give money to?"
"All of us...Troy and Jay...Kyle and Ryan...Rob and Timmy...Jeff, but now it's Jeff and Johnny."
"Is that what you meant the other night when you said I wouldn't have to worry about money?"
"Yep."
"God damn! I don't know what to say."
"I didn't know how to tell you. I've kept it from you for so long. I was afraid you'd be angry with me for not telling you sooner."
"Sooner...schmooner! There's no time like the present!"
"Then...you're not mad?"
"Mad? Hell! Why should I be mad at you telling me that we're set financially for life? Hell, the standard of living we've had, we wouldn't need a tenth of that to live on...forever!"
"I know...but there's more..."
"Jesus Christ, I don't know if I can stand more just yet."
"Roger told me last night that he's paying for all of your hospital, doctor's, and rehab bills!"
"Alex, I...I hardly know Roger! I don't think he and I have ever had a two minute private conversation."
"One of the conditions of the gift which he gave to his and Cliff's Briarwood Boys was that we had to remain a couple to reap the reward of his endowment. ALL of us."
"Yeah, but why me?"
"Because he felt that the two of us were meant to be together for the rest of our lives."
"And that was the only condition?"
"The only one!"
"Christ! I'd stay with you in a shanty somewhere in Alabama living on catfish and hush puppies, raising a bunch of hound dogs with NO money."
"That's what Roger told me in so many words last night."
"I...I feel so guilty as if I've practically ignored him AND Cliff. I've got to do something to show my appreciation."
"All Roger asks in return is that you and I love each other and stay together. That's his dividend from all the Briarwood Boys couples."
"Well, that's certainly no problem as far as we're concerned, I wouldn't live a day without you. Now set your ass down on the bed and tell me all about this mysterious place in New Hampshire. If I'm gonna be living there, I want to know all about it!"
"God, Ted, you've made this so easy for me."
"I love you, Alex...and I'm gonna keep on saying it until you believe me."
"I DO believe you. Granted, there were times when I had doubts, but they're all gone now."
Alex sat on the side of Ted's hospital bed and talked non-stop for thirty minutes, describing each detail he had memorized during his three days in Mackintosh. When he finished his monologue/travelogue, Ted looked at him and shook his head, the best that he could.
"You mean the whole town has AIDS?"
"Not all, some are just HIV positive. Their t-cells are still above 200."
"I don't know, Alex. It'd be like living in a graveyard full of live 'dead' people."
"That's what I thought at first. But then I wandered downtown and got to know a lot of them. Jeff and Johnny have dedicated their lives to bringing life and new hope to the residents there. And they're gonna need lots of help. Johnny's organizing a new center to connect them with helpful links...the same kind of thing I've been doing for the past ten years, first at Briarwood and then in L.A."
"Hell, I'm not cut out to be a social worker. What am I supposed to do?"
"I thought about that, too."
"And?"
"It's gonna be a few months before you're up and on your feet, after you've received therapy."
"And then?"
"Ted, you know more about sports than anybody in the USA. I thought, maybe if you felt like it, you could organize some teams and get the residents involved with basketball, touch football, soccer, softball,...anything to get them to exercise and build new muscle in their bodies. They are not crippled. It's just that their immune systems don't fight off germs or disease. Right now, the only physical recreation they have is dancing at the local gay bar. There's over thirty-five hundred guys and gals living there. Some of them look as healthy as racehorses. They shouldn't be allowed to just waste away."
"You know, Alex, all my life I've stood by and watched you help people day and night. Jeff came right along behind you and followed in your footsteps. Me? I never did anything to help anyone but myself. I never understood why you did it, but lying here in bed, not being able to do anything for myself, it's made me do a lot of thinking."
"About what?"
"About me changing my selfish attitude and my self-absorbed personality. Maybe it's time I started helping people."
"As you said about Roger's money, 'there's no time like the present.'"
"I think I WANT to do it, Alex. I WANT to be more like you."
"You mean after all these years we've been together?"
"I ain't no old dog yet and I can still learn new tricks."
"I haven't told Jeff or Johnny about this, but I know they'll be thrilled."
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"THRILLED?" Jeff screamed over the phone. "I'm fucking ecstatic!"
"I thought you would be, bro," Alex replied from his end of the long-distance conversation.
"Wait till I tell Johnny!" Jeff shouted. "He's gonna turn cartwheels down Main Street!"
"We've got to find some place to live, Jeff."
"Don't you worry about that! You remember Larry?"
"Yes, I think I do."
"Well, he's like the blue fairy in Cinderella's pumpkin field. All I have to do is ask him to find a place for my brother and brother-in-law and Larry'll whip out his magic wand and before you can say 'Bibbidee bobbidee boo!', the residents will build you a place just like Johnny's and mine."
"God, bro, I hope Larry doesn't go to that extreme. I'd rather have something more sedate, not like your gingerbread house."
"Hell, if you want it, they'll make it out of stone and paint the inside walls black like a dungeon."
"That's just a little too far in the other extreme."
"Just don't worry about it! You'll have the place you want! Now, how soon is Ted gonna get out of the hospital?"
"I think he'll be here another two to four weeks."
"He's gonna need therapy, right?"
"Extensive therapy, I'm afraid."
"Hell, we'll build him a room with weights and bars and all kinds of rails around every room. Leave THAT to me. You gonna need a physical therapist?"
"Ted insists that I can do it."
"Well, if I can find someone to help you, would you get mad?"
"Of course not, silly. I'm gonna need all the help I can get."
"Someone told me that Scott, the bartender, used to be a personal trainer when he lived in New York."
"I remember Scott...the most negative guy I've ever met."
"If I can talk him into helping you with Ted's rehabilitation, it might give Scott a better outlook on life."
"You DO seem to find a way of making things better for a lot of people."
"Why not? It's like that Barbra Streisand song that Father Cliff and Roger used to play on their CD...'People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."
"Then that makes the townsfolk of Mackintosh about the luckiest people in the world, Jeff."
"I'm just lucky to have Johnny, and to have you as my brother."
"Jeff, you do know that I love you, don't you?"
"Of course, bro, and I love you too."
"It's like something Ted said to me the other day, 'we don't tell the people we love that we love them often enough, if at all. I just wanted to say it to you."
"God, Alex, we sound like a couple of grownups, instead of two kid brothers."
"Time changes everything, Jeff. The older we get, the MORE we change... for the better, I hope."
Jeff smiled contentedly at his brother's remark without replying.
"And, oh, Jeff?"
"Yeah?"
"I finally broke the news to Ted about Roger's money."
"I did the same thing to Johnny, just before we moved here to Mackintosh. How did Ted take the news?"
"He thought I had gone insane, Heck, who wouldn't?"
"That's about the way Johnny reacted when I told him...only Johnny thought I was crazy BEFORE he heard about the money."
"Well, Johnny's right! You ARE crazy."
"I take after my big brother, the lunatic!"
"I gotta go. It's time for Ted's bedpan and I don't want to have to change his sheets because of my negligence."
"See, I told you that you're crazy. Ted shits in the bed and you take the blame for it."
"Fuck you, you little asshole!"
"Fuck you, too, you big butt wipe!"
"I'll call you this weekend and tell you about Ted's progress."
"Tell him that Johnny and I love him and we're praying for him."
"I'm not sure if I'll tell him about the praying, but I will tell him the rest. He loves you and Johnny, too."
"Good night, big bro."
"Good night to you, little guy."
They hung up their phones and both of them shared the same warm glow inside, even though they were several hundred miles apart. They were closer now than ever.
Bruce left early after seeing how well his son was doing, then around noon, Ted and Alex had another visitor...Roger. True to his word, Alex arose from his bedside chair to greet Roger with the 'second best' hug he'd ever given anyone.
"Thanks for coming, Roger," Alex whispered into Roger's ear while hugging him.
"I thought I was going to have to get a writ from a Boston judge just to get into to see you, Ted."
"Hi, Roger," Ted replied. "I would get up to greet you, but I seem to be having a problem standing up."
"You'll be standing, walking, and running in practically no time at all. I called Ed in Briarwood and had him recommend the exercise equipment you will need and he ordered it immediately. Now I just have to know where to have it shipped," Roger said. "Los Angeles, Briarwood, or where?"
"Does UPS deliver to New Hampshire?" Ted asked.
"If they don't now, they will as soon as I get through asking them to."
"Then, Mackintosh, New Hampshire will be just fine," Ted said as Alex grinned from ear to ear.
"Cliff will be happy to know that the Almighty heard one of my prayers," Roger joked. "It fills my heart with joy to know that you and Alex will be joining Jeff and Johnny up there. Yes, I even said a prayer that you would."
"Alex says I'm gonna like it in Mackintosh."
"Alex is right. I was only there for a couple of days for Jeff's first mass and I fell in love with it instantly. Had I known about Mackintosh years ago, I might never have traveled to Nepal. Mackintosh is just as beautiful if not more so."
"Ted was a bit reluctant at first when I told him about the entire population being HIV or AIDS infected."
"Ted, you'll never be aware that any of them have it. For that matter, look back at all the sports venues and locker rooms you've visited doing your work. Little did you know that many of them have HIV or AIDS."
"Are you serious?"
"The damned plague is everywhere...even in elementary schools now. AIDS and HIV has absolutely no respect for person, gender, or occupation. The statistics are staggering. The kid on the block plays with his best friend next door who had oral sex performed on him by his eleven or twelve year old girlfriend who got infected from a blood transfusion or some form of incestuous sex and NONE of them knows anything about it. I often get amused by the homophobia on professional or even amateur sports teams. A jock won't play with a gay player on his team, but he'll tackle and spill sweat and blood from an opposing team member who's actually giving the virus to him. It's the same in the military. No one wants a gay soldier fighting in the same foxhole with him, but when his straight buddy who's been infected with HIV from his girlfriend, suffers a wound, the same homophobic soldier will place his hand over his fellow soldier's wound to stop the blood from gushing out all over him and everyone he's near. Over one-third of the population who is infected isn't even aware of it and the same people go about having unsafe sex or endangering their friends or families by exposing them to infected body fluids. No one can tell who has or hasn't got the virus unless he's been tested, You can't just look at your best buddy or favorite girlfriend and assume any longer that she's virus free because HE or SHE just might not be."
"Roger, I don't doubt what you just said, but why in hell doesn't the government do something and warn the people about what's happening?" Ted asked.
"Because of that idiot in the White House. If he's not totally convinced of anything, it doesn't exist and if no one talks about it, maybe it'll just go away. Like his stand on the hole in the ozone layer and global warming. He's doing nothing about it because too many of his cronies have told him it's a ploy of the other political parties to make his contributors spend millions to curtail pollution and other environmental hazards."
"Jesus Christ!" Ted exclaimed.
"No, he's not Jesus, but he believes he's God's chosen one."
"That's bullshit, Roger!"
"A much better analogy, Ted," Roger replied making Ted and Alex laugh.
"Now enough about politics, let's talk about you two."
"Roger, I didn't know about the money until last night."
"OH! Alex finally broke down and revealed what he's been keeping from you for months."
"How on God's earth can either of us thank you enough?"
"By doing what Cliff and I have tried to do all our lives. Be happy, love one another, and spread the happiness and love around so others can see it and want to become like the two of you. Cliff and I are by no means perfect, but if we can inspire our Briarwood Boys and Cliff's congregation and the patients at the Institute to follow in our good deeds, that's all I ask for in return."
"But the gift was so big!"
"It's funny, but the day that Walter read the list of my endowments to you boys, I wondered if I had given you enough. I should have doubled it. But let's forget about the damned money for a moment, that's all but passé as far as I'm concerned. I wish I could have a surgeon open up your skulls...all of the Briarwood Boys and engrave the idea that Cliff and I are always here for you at all times. ANYTHING you need, want, wish for, desire, whatever! Cliff and I will be at your side in a moment's notice to support you in every way possible. That makes Cliff's and my life important to us. You see, the two of us probably need you more than you need us...and that's they way we want it."
"Roger?" Ted asked wryly, 'have you ever tried walking on water?"
"No, but I'm almost certain Cliff can walk across the swimming pool when I'm not looking!" Roger joked back.
God, how I wish I had got to know you better in Briarwood," Ted replied. "I feel as if I've missed one of the best times of my life."
"Cliff and I are only a few hours away from Mackintosh and we'll have lots of good times...the four of you up there and all of us in Briarwood. I know Troy, Jay, Kyle, Ryan, and Danny and Little Pete are dying to come visit. It might be nice if you invite Chris and Ed to get away for a week or two. God knows, they both can use a change of scenery, not to mention a long rest."
Roger stayed with Ted and Alex for another hour before he left for the airport to go home to Cliff. When he had gone, Ted and Alex felt as if they now had one more 'dad' to add to their family. Getting to know Roger had been a dream come true for both of them...the same applied to Roger who was proud to have the two of them as his adopted sons to add to his other four... six...or was it eight?
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"You can tell, When you open the door, You can tell If there's love in a home! Every table and chair seems to smile, Do come in, come and stay for a while. You almost feel you've been there once before By the shine and glow of the room! And the clock seems to chime, Come again anytime, You'll be welcome wherever you roam! You can tell when there's love in a home!"
~ from the 1956 stage musical "L'il Abner" Music by Gene De Paul and lyrics by Johnny Mercer
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Alan Haley was sandwiched between his mother and father in the front seat of their 1990 Lincoln Continental. It wasn't as if the Haley's couldn't afford a brand new model. Gerald, Alex's father, preferred the old style Lincoln with the long boxed frame. To him, it had a more luxurious look than the newer ones with the sloped hoods and trunks, almost undistinguishable from a Ford or Chevrolet. No, the big car made Gerald feel more important.
The three of them had driven over 1,500 miles to New Hampshire, which was to be Alan's new home. It was Alan's choice, much to his parent's dismay. Alan saw something online that informed him about Mackintosh. All he wanted to do was to get miles away from his parents, his friends, his neighbors, and anyone else who had shunned him since he was diagnosed with Aids.
Gerald Haley was a wealthy man but he had ignored his only son, Alan, while he was building his fortune. Alan, in need of a father, or rather male companionship in general, learned how to go the park in his hometown, and strike up conversations with men much older than he. Alan was immensely handsome, yet immature for a boy his age. Quite often, he would go home with the men he'd met, to play cards, chess, checkers, or even watch TV. When these afternoon interludes began, upon leaving their homes, the older gentlemen would give Alan a big hug...sometimes a kiss on the cheek. But as the years went by, the gentlemen, as well as Alan, wanted more physical contact. It started slowly, at times he would sit and hold his companion's hand. Later, he would let the older man put an arm around him while they watched TV. Soon, this progressed to a 'feel' or a grope between his legs, which caused him to get tremendously excited, both emotionally and sexually.
By the age of nineteen, Alan was well versed in oral and anal sex, being both passive and aggressive. His parents never knew about his frolics. Adele, his mother, was too busy with her social life, while Gerald didn't come home from his office until late in the evening. Alan finished high school and enrolled in the local university, studying business, to please his father.
A week before his twentieth birthday, Alan woke up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. He felt nauseous and hurried to his bathroom to throw up. While he was leaning over the toilet, he happened to notice a dark spot, about the size of a dime, on his right shin. It was strange to him....he couldn't remember bumping his leg or bruising it. He reached down to touch the spot. It wasn't sore, nor was it a blemish he could wash off by applying spit to his forefinger.
When he felt he had thrown up all the food he'd eaten in the past twelve hours, he stood up and removed his pajamas and looked at his body in the full-length mirror on back of the bathroom door. That's when he discovered another mysterious dark blotch on the right side of his lower abdomen. There were two more on right arm, just above his bicep. He drew closer to the mirror and noticed a lighter shaded spot on his left temple. Its color was between yellow and light rust. He slowly examined each of the spots. None of them was tender to the touch. His skin didn't look jaundiced, like hepatitis. These marks didn't resemble a rash, but having found several on his body, he became concerned and thought he might visit his family doctor, without mentioning it to either of his parents.
Kaposi's Sarcoma.... that's what Dr. Niles had called it. It was a form of cancer that usually appeared in the late stages of Aids. "My God, how can this be?" Alan thought. "What the fuck can I tell my parents? They're gonna find out about my secret life, those afternoon trysts, and my sexual encounters with men. They're gonna know that their only son, the heir to the family business and social registry is a queer. Dad'll disown me, for sure. Mother won't be able to face me, nor will she be able to hold her head up again at the Country Club. Fuck! Why did this have to happen? And to ME? Jesus! I wish I could just run away...for their sake, as well as my own!"
To say that his parents were shocked was putting it mildly. They were humiliated. They wished that they could lock up their son and hide him, like the wife in "Jane Eyre", and never let him be seen in public again. Actually, they were more concerned about their reputation than they were about Alan's welfare. Gerald remembered the fuss that was created when Rock Hudson announced his diagnosis. Rock Hudson had gone to some hospital in Paris to receive treatment. Maybe they could plan a long trip abroad for their son. Who knows? Rock had died several years ago; maybe the hospital in France had found a cure by now. Maybe the hospital would cure their son and he could come home and be "normal" once again.
His parents' lack of acceptance of his situation threw Alan into a severe depression. He stopped eating and lost nearly 25 lbs. in two weeks. His face was gaunt, his cheeks were sallowed. He looked like a walking ghost or a character from "Night of the Living Dead". He stayed in his room 24/7 while he searched site after site on his computer for some miracle cure. While AZT worked on some victims, other reports said that the medication caused death in some cases. One night, quite by accident, he logged onto a chat room consisting only of HIV and Aids patients. He saw them talking about a place somewhere in New Hampshire for people like them to go hide and die, privately and peacefully. He searched further and found an article describing Mackintosh. Hell, his parents wanted him out of the way, so why not go to Mackintosh or some other place like it?
Two weeks later, Alan's condition had steadily worsened. He called his parents to his room and discussed the idea of his moving to Mackintosh. Gerald and Adele weren't sure if this was the right thing to do. After all, there were many treatments throughout the world that could probably help their son, but Alan wouldn't hear of it. It seemed that he had a death wish. All he wanted to do was leave and never let them hear from him again. So it was New Hampshire or nothing. His parents tried to hide their mixed feelings of guilt and relief, but finally gave in to Alan's last request.
Gerald did a bit of detective work of his own and got the name of Johnny Kane in Mackintosh. He called Johnny and explained Alan's situation. Johnny had heard this same tune for many years from many parents, so he quickly offered to find Alan a place to stay. Gerald told Johnny to make his son comfortable and see that Alan got anything he wished for, no matter what the cost. Gerald would pay for everything. "Another rich asshole, trying to buy his way out of his guilt!", Johnny thought when he had finished his conversation with Mr. Haley.
The roommate of Scott Valenza, the Powder Puff bartender, had passed away and had been cremated one week prior to Johnny receiving Gerald Haley's phoned inquiry. So Scott's quarters had a vacancy. Johnny didn't know Scott too well, but by the degree to which Alex had been impressed by him, Johnny thought that Scott and this new kid, Alan, might make pretty compatible roommates. If not, with the usual Mackintosh death rate, other accommodations would open up soon enough.
Just as the Haley limousine entered Mackintosh city limits, Alan looked at his father and said, "Stop here, please, I'll walk from this point."
"That's nonsense, Alan," Gerald replied. "We'll drive you to your living quarters."
"No, this'll be fine."
"Why, for God's sake?"
"I don't want to cause you and mother any more embarrassment."
"Oh, Alan..." Adele tuned up to cry, "We just can't leave you like this, on the side of the road."
"Of course you can, Mother. This won't be the first time you've left me alone."
"That's a very nasty thing to say to your mother, Alan."
"Oh? I really didn't think she'd notice."
"Why all this bitterness, son?"
"On your way back home, why don't you and mother try to figure that out by yourselves?"
"Do you want us to come visit you?"
"No, I'd rather you didn't! I'd rather say goodbye, here and now."
"Oh, son," his mother cried. "This is so barbaric, treating us this way."
"Barbaric? Humph! You should see things the way I've seen them all my life."
"Do you really hate both of us that much?"
"Hate? Dad, I stopped hating you years ago. I've tolerated the two of you with a deep feeling of indifference. You'd be well advised to think of me the same way."
"Is there anything you want? Anything that you need?"
"No, thanks. You've given me plenty. Why should I ask you for more gifts and toys? Things that you appeased yourselves with all my life. It was always easy for you to buy me things---send me on trips...to camp...to Europe. You gave me everything you thought I wanted...except for one thing. The thing I needed most."
"Son, your mother and I never denied you anything."
"What about love?"
"Love? What about it?"
"You see? Here I am, facing my mortality and even in our last conversation, you're not aware of how much I wanted you to love me...to make me feel wanted...to let me know that you cared about me. THINGS!...that's all I ever got. I'm surprised you didn't choke just now, when you said the word, 'love'."
"I can see this 'last conversation', as you put it, isn't going to accomplish anything except upsetting your mother!"
"Oh, we certainly don't want to do that, do we? I mean, she might cry and get all puffy eyed and have to make up some lie to her garden club! No, we don't want to upset Mother!"
Adele was sobbing loudly.
"Let me out here, Dad. I want to get my bags and leave you without turning back."
"All right, if that's what you want...then so be it!"
Alan managed to pass his body over his mother to exit the passenger door. He opened the back seat door and retrieved two large suitcases. He slammed the door, and true to his word, he walked forward without so much as giving his parents one final glance.
Gerald finagled the large car to turn around and then sped away, skidding his tires. He was hurt, angry, and puzzled. He had no idea what his son was talking about.
As Alan walked into town, he was rather pleased at the way his farewell to his parents had gone. "Fuck 'em!" he said aloud. The further he got into the main part of town, he was amazed by what he saw. The village almost seemed enchanted to him. He felt an inner peace settling inside him. "What a great place to die!" he thought. The residents he passed gave him a friendly smile. Seeing Alan's suitcases was no mystery to them...they knew why he was here. Each of them had entered the town some time in his own recent past. Maybe their goodbyes had not been as dramatic as Alan's, but they all had experienced this feeling of serenity as each of them saw Mackintosh for the first time. Each had entered feeling hopeless, depressed, and doomed. But if they had to spend their final days anywhere, Mackintosh was the place to be.
Johnny was driving to the center when he saw the stranger carrying luggage. He had been expecting Alan, but he thought he would get a chance to meet Gerald, as well. He slowed his car to a stop and rolled down the window.
"Hi, guy," Johnny said, "you must be Alan?"
"So?"
"I'm Johnny Kane. I'm the one you're supposed to contact."
"OK, so we made the connection," Alan said, haughtily. "What's next?"
Johnny had faced all kinds of attitudes with Aids patients. Some hid their fear with a cheerful facade, while others appeared bitter, as Alan did.
"Let me put your bags in my trunk and I'll drive you the rest of the way to the center. It's only a couple of blocks from here. You need to fill out a few papers and let me write a thumbnail bio of you and put it into my computer. I need a list of your meds and your personal physician's assessment of your condition."
"Whatever..." Alan said as Johnny put the bags into the trunk. Alan got into the passenger seat. Before Johnny started the car, he took a long look at the new resident.
"Have a rough trip?" Johnny asked.
"Oh, it was wonderful!" Alan replied, sarcastically.
"Where are your parents?"
"Why?"
"Your dad told me that he and your mother were driving you to Mackintosh."
"Well, let's just say that they came and went! That was my idea!"
"Alan, pardon me, but you seem quite angry."
"Angry? Me? Why should I be angry? I'm dying, the same as you. Isn't that enough to make me angry?"
Johnny felt the strange guilt that always came over him when he could only sympathize and not empathize with an Aids victim by not having the illness himself. Since Alan thought that he shared the same ailment, Johnny chose not to tell Alan the truth for the present. That would be like lording superiority over him. Anger was the second stage of facing a terminal illness. Apparently Alan had already experienced denial. Three stages to go...fear, grief, and acceptance. They would follow soon. Right now, Johnny had to focus on Alan's anger.
The two of them spent over an hour at the center discussing Alan's condition, his treatment, his doctor, and his medications. Johnny busily typed the details into his master file. During the whole time they conversed, not once did Alan smile or show any sign of being glad to be in Mackintosh. Alex had told Johnny about Scott's acerbic attitude and Johnny was reluctant to let Scott and Alan share a housing arrangement. Neither of them could offer support to the other, but at the moment, Scott's house was the only vacancy to place Alan in. He thought it would be best if he took Alan to the Powder Puff so that he could assess how the two of them would get along, living as roommates.
The Powder Puff was only a block away from the center, so he asked Alan to take a walk with him.
"Where to?" Alan asked.
"I want you to meet the guy you're going to be living with." Johnny replied.
"Don't you mean, the guy I'm gonna be dying with?"
"Come on, man. You're not dead yet. You might find out you like our little village and want to stay a long while."
"You're a fucking dreamer, aren't you? Doesn't the idea of dying scare you?"
"Everyone is afraid to die, but no one knows when they're going to."
"We all have a pretty good idea, even you."
Johnny felt the same guilt pang. Why was he sorry that he was healthy and virus-free?
"Have you had your dinner yet? I mean, did your mom and dad stop some place before you got here?"
"No."
"Well, I want you to come to my house for supper and meet my roommate. His name is Jeff. He works at the church on top of that hill."
"What does he do? Arrange funerals?"
"Yes, sometimes, but he does other things too. He's the town priest!"
"Oh, brother! All this and God, too? I don't want to be saved. I'm not ready to give my life to the Lord Jesus Christ. I don't have the time."
"Jeff is the last person to try to convert you."
"I'll bet!"
"I mean it! He's...well, he's the best thing in my life!"
"You two are lovers?"
"Yes. Yes, we are."
"And he's a priest? A gay priest?"
"Well, yes."
"Why did he come here? Did he run out of kids to molest?"
"No, if anything, kids would most likely try to molest Jeff."
"Jesus!"
"Once you meet him, you'll change your opinion. I think you'll like him. I know for certain that he'll like you."
"He'll be the first, if he does. Right now, I don't even like myself!"
The two of them had reached the bar while they had talked.
"Here we are." Johnny said, opening the door for Alan.
"'Here we are', where?"
"The Powder Puff. Mackintosh's infamous gay bar."
"I don't drink."
"Well, that's good. But here is where your roommate, Scott, works."
"Goody, goody." Alan ridiculed.
It took a couple of seconds for their eyes to adjust to the darkness of the tavern. Scott was bending over the cooler, restocking it with beer.
"Scott?" Johnny said.
"Yeah?"
"I'm Johnny Kane."
"I know who you are."
"Good, and now I want you to meet Alan...Alan Haley."
"OK." Scott replied unenthusiastically. "Hello, Alan."
"Hi."
"Scott, Alan's going to be your new roommate until we can make other arrangements."
"Oh? Well, at least he can walk...he's not bedridden. I hope you're continental."
"Pardon?"
"I mean, you don't shit your pants, do you?"
"Oh, continent?"
"Whatever!"
"No, I haven't shit my pants for twenty years, since I was a toddler in diapers."
"Well, that's good."
Alan surmised that, in spite of Scott's good looks, he must be stupid or uneducated. But, hell, they probably wouldn't live long enough to become friends.
"You move your stuff in yet?" Scott asked.
"No, Johnny wanted me to come meet you first. Then he'll gonna take me to see the house."
"I think you'll like it. It's a bit too cutesy for me. From the outside, it looks like a place Mother Goose would live."
"I can't wait!" Alan replied, dryly. "Mother Goose? Geez!"
Johnny interrupted, "Hey, will you two guys excuse me while I go to the back and tinkle the porcelain?"
"Sure, go on." Scott said, "I don't suppose we're gonna do anything but talk while you're gone." Johnny went to the men's room, then Scott looked at Alan and attempted a joke, "You don't want to have a quick fuck, do you?"
"Fuck, no!" Alan replied, harshly.
"All right, all right, don't get your bloomers tied in a knot. I was only joking."
"I'm afraid I've lost my sense of humor." Alan said quietly.
"You're in bad shape, are you?" Scott's voice lost it's volatile edge.
"Yeah, I guess so."
"What was your latest count at the doctor's?"
"Doom City. CD4 was 280; viral load, around 40,000.
"And your T-cells?"
"Forty six big ones."
"Damn! I thought my numbers were bad! What meds are you taking?"
"Right now?"
"Yeah.
"None. I gave Johnny a list of the things I'm SUPPOSED to be taking, but I'm not taking any of them."
"Same here." Scott said.
"Well, at least we have THAT in common. That's a start, I suppose."
"How long have you been sick, Alan?"
"About six months, I guess."
"Were you in a relationship when you found out?"
"What do you mean?"
"I mean did you have a boyfriend or lover you were involved with?"
"Nope...just me and a lot of old men."
"You...uh...don't go for guys your age?"
"I don't know. I never went out with anyone my age."
"You said you were twenty, right?"
"Yes...and you?"
"Twenty six...but I ain't an old man, in case you're interested."
"I'm afraid at this stage of my death, I'm not interested in anyone. Sorry!"
"Don't be sorry. It's just that you and I are gonna be living together."
"So?"
"Well, it's been known that roomies sometimes have a way of helping each other out, getting off."
"I'm afraid THIS roomy's not going to think about getting ANYONE off, including myself."
"You've stopped jerking off? Even a little?"
"Totally! Nothing!"
"I just didn't want you to be shocked if you walked in on me in the bathroom while I was flogging the dog. Since I don't take meds, jerking off is about the only thing that relaxes me."
"Well, if I see that you're doing it, I'll look the other way."
Johnny came back from the men's room and joined them at the bar.
"You two get to know each other a little better?" Johnny asked.
"Yeah, a little," Scott replied. "It seems you and I have something in common, Johnny."
"Oh, yeah?"
"Yeah, you live with a priest and I'm gonna be living with a monk."
"Whaddya mean?"
"Skip it! Let's go!" Alan, quickly added.
"All right, then..." Johnny said, looking at Alan, then, "Scott, it was good seeing you again."
"Same here, Johnny, take good care of my little buddy, there."
Alan grumbled something under his breath as he and Johnny left the bar.
Scott couldn't resist getting in one more dig at his new roommate.
"I'll be home late, honey, so don't wait up for me." Scott shouted at Alan.
When they were outside, Johnny looked at Alan and asked. "What was THAT all about?"
"What?"
"Scott's remark."
"Oh, that was his friendly gesture of welcoming me to his home."
"I guess the laws of mathematics doesn't apply to you two."
"Which law?"
"The one that says if you put two negatives together you're supposed to wind up with ..."
"Two positives...two HIV positives!. It's just that I don't like him or guys like him!"
"And what's your impression of 'guys like him'?"
"Smart-mouthed New York Italians! They're all alike. They think they know so much more than anybody else, when all they know is how to talk louder!"
"Would you rather not move in with him?"
"No, my life is hell, I might as well live in the proper domain."
"I just don't want to put added pressure on either of you. I mean, if you think the two of you can't get along...well..."
"Oh, I'll get along with him, all right, once he knows I'm not a wimp!"
"I can't believe this! I was only gone to the men's room a couple of minutes and when I returned, you were ready to grab each other's throat."
"Don't get your dander up, Johnny, I told you I'd get along with him and I will."
"OK, but your placement with Scott is only temporary until I can find someone better suited for you."
"You mean you're gonna try to find me an old man to fall in love with? You can forget that, pal; I don't have time to fall in love. Well, there is one old guy I could go for..."
"Who?"
"The grim reaper! Old Father Time."
The more Johnny tried to connect with Alan, the more frustrating the situation became. Johnny decided to change the subject.
"Come on, I want to show you the house."
Alan scoffed and got into Johnny's car. They rode over to the other side of town to a section of small cottages, straight from the Brothers Grimm. Alan became pleasantly amused at the scenery and houses. It would have been a bit much to have named the town, "Fairyland" but probably more accurate.
Johnny pulled his car into the next to last driveway on the right.
"This is it!" Johnny announced.
"Jesus!" Alan grunted inaudibly. "Did you get the key from 'what's-his-name'...Scott?"
"Nope! We don't need one! As a matter of fact, none of the houses in Mackintosh has a lock on its door."
"Is that so that the paramedics won't have to break the door down to get to their fallen patient?"
"No, nothing like that. It's just that everyone here seems to trust everyone else and no one fears burglary."
"Why? Because the thief won't live long enough to enjoy what he's taken?"
"Boy, Alan, you are one corker! In all the thousands of cases I've managed, I cannot remember anyone who was as negative as you are."
"I guess that sorta makes me famous, then."
"'Famous' is not the word I had in mind."
"Go ahead and say it, Johnny Boy, I can take it!"
"How does 'asshole' sound? Or 'spoiled brat'?"
"They're not bad for starters, but once you really get to know me, you'll think of much better descriptions for me."
"Alan, there's no one here who's out to get you. We're here to help you in whatever way we can...to offer you support...to comfort you...to make your life easier..."
"Or my death?"
"God damn! I give up!" Johnny said, throwing up his hands in disgust.
"That's the most sensible thing you've said since I met you. 'Give up!' That's how I feel...just 'give up'! What do I have to look forward to?"
"If you give me a chance, I'll try to show you. You think you're the only one here who's sick? There are plenty more a lot worse off than you."
"So?"
"So, you might want to get off your high-horse and see what you can do to make their lives...or deaths, easier."
Alan stood there silently looking at Johnny before he spoke again, "OK, I'll think about it!"
"For now, that's all I'm asking of you."
Johnny opened the door to the cottage and explored it with Alan. The place WAS clean...just as Scott kept the bar at the Puff. Alan went around looking into all the closets, the kitchen cabinets, and the drawers in the two bedrooms. "The empty ones are mine," he thought. "The window has a nice view. The bed seems soft enough. It's really not bad...it's almost pleasant. It's quiet, peaceful...private, except for my roommate. This is as good a place as any to spend my last days." Alan was unaware that Johnny had been watching him while he observed his new surroundings. Johnny thought he had actually seen an honest smile on Alan's face for a moment.
"Let me go get your bags," Johnny said, interrupting Alan's pseudo-reverie.
"Thanks. This must be the room where Scott's roommate died, so I guess it's mine...for a while, at least. Jesus, I hope Scott changed the sheets!"
"He didn't have to. When some resident expires here, we have a clean up crew that goes in and sanitizes the room with new sheets, new linens, even a new mattress."
"That could get costly around here."
"Oh, we make good use of our funding."
"Yeah, I'll bet my dad donated a bundle to Mackintosh to get me off his hands."
"I wouldn't know, Alan. I don't handle financial matters here, unless it concerns a resident personally."
Johnny went to the car and got the luggage and placed it on Alan's bed.
"Look, Alan, I've got to get back to the center. If you need me, dial 'star 69', It's a direct link to me there."
"'Star 69', huh? How cute! What bozo thought that one up?"
"I don't know. It was some resident's idea."
"Well, it's something easy for the residents to remember."
Johnny sighed once more. "Why don't you unpack, shave, shower, take a nap if you want, then get up, put on fresh clothes, and I'll pick you up around seven to have dinner with Jeff and me. How does that sound?"
"Ducky, Simply ducky."
"I'll take that as a compliment. It's the least nasty remark you've made all afternoon. I can't wait for Jeff to meet you. You don't know it, but you two have a lot in common."
"Oh?"
"Jeff may be a man of the cloth, and he may be my lover, but I've never known anyone with a more caustic tongue than his."
"Is that a challenge?"
"No, not really, but I think after fifteen minutes with him, you'll realize you've met your match."
"I can't wait!"
"Neither can I." Johnny said, feeling relieved to get away from the town's newest resident.
As soon as he got into his car, he picked up his cell phone and called the church.
"Hello?" Jeff answered.
"Hi, sweetheart."
"My God, I was getting worried, I tried to reach you at the center and was told you'd been gone for a couple of hours. Where were you?"
"I was showing Alan Haley about the town."
"Oh, he arrived? How is he?"
"Don't ask!"
"Pretty sick, huh? Is he ambulatory?"
"Oh, yeah, with jet propulsion!"
"Whaddya mean?"
"Personally speaking, after spending one afternoon with him, he may be the first case I ever had that was murdered.
"Jeff, you won't believe him. If he doesn't die from his illness, he might receive help from his fellow residents to reach eternity faster!"
"Johnny, you've NEVER talked like that about one of your clients!"
"I never had one like him, babe. You'll see for yourself. I invited him to have dinner with us."
"You want me to cook?"
"That's ALL I need! Besides, I think we're out of peanut butter."
"You asshole."
"YOUR asshole, sweetie, I'll be home around five to start preparing dinner. I told him I'd pick him up around seven."
"Is there anything I can do?"
"Yes, you can dig out your armor and chain mail."
"What?"
"You're gonna need it, baby, you're gonna need it!"
<><><><><><><><><>
Chris stopped by Ed's office at 6:00PM since Cliff was celebrating Evening Vespers at the church which gave Chris the evening off once he had finished his 'prayer rounds' at Cole Institute.
"Hello, sweetheart," Chris said, going to Ed to embrace him and give him a kiss.
"Hi, my sweet!" Ed replied by responding with a second kiss to Chris.
"You look exhausted."
"Not so much exhausted as I am perplexed. I am at a loss how Andy's tests could have missed a single cancerous cell in his testicle. The machines have never erred before. I almost called Roger in Boston to see if he wanted to repair the equipment or have it checked out at least, but then knowing Roger as everyone does, Roger would say, 'Fuck the repairs! Order new and better equipment!'
"I presume you ran new tests on Andy?"
"Hair to toenails..."
"And...?"
"The cancer popped out like Jiffy Pop, It's there all right...plain as day."
"How serious is it, Ed?"
"It's a very unusual case. Most metastasis spread quickly and are large enough to be seen by an ordinary x-ray, but in Andy's case, the cancer has spread to other organs, including what I feared most, the lymph glands...but not in large masses...only tiny minute cells which showed up in his bladder, kidneys, prostate, and an even tinier cell in his colon."
"Is it treatable?"
"Considering the unusual action the main donor cell has taken, I'm not really sure. It's baffling to say the least. My primary diagnosis was that it started in his testicle, but now I'm not really sure if the testicular cell is the host. All I'm certain of is that it's very serious and most likely terminal. It's like putting a jigsaw puzzle together. You've completed the borders but now you don't know which part of the puzzle to start on next...the trees, the sky, or the mountains. They all fit together eventually, but a decision has to be made where to begin. I could begin a generic chemotherapy to try to attack all cells in his body, hoping I'll be lucky enough for the chemo to zero in on the right places, put putting the poisonous chemo into his system, going in various directions without a main focal point could cause damage to his healthy organs."
"Ed, please tell me outright! Do you think Andy's going to die?"
"Unless some miracle occurs, more than likely."
"My God!"
"I know. My major concern at Cole has been concentrated on HIV and AIDS patients; I've treated many cases of testicular cancer, but I've never encountered one such as Andy's."
"Have you told him. Ed?"
"No, I'm not sure what to say to him before I know definitely what treatment to pursue."
"At least there's one bit of good news. Cliff called to say that Ted has regained consciousness at the Boston hospital."
"Thank God for that," Ed replied.
"The doctors hadn't given Ted much of a chance to recover...now we are confronted with what's to happen to Andy."
"Just so you're prepared, Chris, Andy's chances of getting well are less then dim."
"Ed, I know how I felt when Andy called and showed up unexpectedly here in Briarwood. But maybe I was wrong...maybe it wasn't just to see me. Perhaps he sensed there was something wrong with him physically and turned to me to get to you for help."
"That same thought crossed my mind earlier. Sometimes a patient knows when he's sick and often has to convince his doctor that his ailment is real not psychosomatic. Puppies, kittens, even pet birds can't speak to tell you when there's something wrong with them. They become lifeless or listless and that's their message to us. My immediate plan is to have Andy examined by a friend of mine at Mayo's if he's willing to fly down to Cole. I swear on my love for you, Chris, that I will do everything in my power to make him well."
"I know you will, Ed. There was never a doubt."
<><><><><><><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood"---BOOK FIVE---chapter-fifty.)