Briarwood

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"BRIARWOOD"

Copyright Ritchris, 2005

aka "Whence Cometh My Help"

Copyright Ritchris, 2002

Revised Version

A dramatic saga

by

Ritch Christopher

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BOOK FIVE

"FATHER JEFF"

Chapter Forty-five

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"When I think of home I think about a place where there's love

overflowin'.

I wish I was home. I wish I was back there with the things I've

been knowin'.

Wind that makes the tall trees bend to leaning,

Suddenly the snowflakes that fall have a meaning--

sprinkling the scene makes it all clean.

Maybe there's a chance for me to go back now that I have some

direction.

It would sure be nice to be back home where there's love and

affection.

And just maybe I can convince time to slow up; givin' me enough

time to grow up.

Time, be my friend.

Let me start again.

Suddenly, my world's gone and changed its face, but I know where

I'm goin'.

I have had my mind spun around in space and yet, I've watched it

growin'.

And if you're listenin', God, please don't make it hard to know if

we should believe the things we see.

Tell us, should we run away?

Should we try and stay, or would it be better just to let things

be?

Livin' here in this brand new world might be a fantasy, but it

taught me to love.

So it's real---real to me!

And I've learned that we must look inside our hearts to find--

a world full of love--

Like yours.

Like mine.

Like home."

from "The Wiz"

music and lyrics by

Charlie Small

copyrighted 1974

by the composer/lyricist

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Jeff and Johnny decided to cut their retreat short by making it only a weekend trip instead of a full week. This way if word got back to Briarwood before they did, they might be able to outrun the message and tell the folks back home of their decision, first hand.

The trip was just what Johnny needed, like a shot in the arm. Little did he know that his life would change directions in a matter of three days. Neither he nor Jeff felt any reluctance about moving to Mackintosh. The hardest part about leaving was the explanation that they would have to render to all concerned... Walter and Daddy Dave, Father Cliff, most of all, Roger, and the entire St. Genesius congregation, along with the staff at the Cole Clinic.

Johnny and Jeff left Mackintosh around 6:00 PM Sunday evening. They said their goodbye's or "so-long-for-a-while's" to Frank and then they made one last tour down Main Street, stopping for one more look at St. Aloysius, which had been packed to the brim for all three masses earlier.

They entered the tiny apse to sign the cross. Even though the church was empty, there was still an aura of electricity coming forth from the nave. It was that 'joyful noise' of quiet that Jeff had studied about. Jeff's 11:00 AM sermon had been short, but effective. Suddenly, the ill constituents had hope for maybe the first time in months, years, who knows, in their lives? Jeff would not have to go out into the boondocks and drum up a congregation. His problem would be how many of them he could seat at each service. "My God." Jeff thought, "Since all of them are physically sick, how will I manage house visitation?" He couldn't visit 3,500 people in a month, let alone, once a week or whenever he was needed. There were no juvenile residents, which meant Jeff would have to use adults as acolytes. Well, here was one priest who could never be accused of altar boy molestation, since there were no altar boys, so to speak. That idea made Jeff laugh and it got even funnier when he thought of the young adults who might want to be molested by the new priest.

Jeff and Johnny walked down the aisle to the altar to pray. They knelt for several minutes; giving each other time enough to give thanks or cry for help about telling Briarwood of their decision. The two of them finished about the same time and crossed themselves. Slowly they gazed into each other's eyes.

"Are you sure, Johnny?" Jeff whispered.

"Are you?" Johnny echoed.

"Yes," Jeff sighed.

"Then, I say 'yes' also."

"No doubts?" Jeff asked.

"I'd be lying if I said 'yes' to that."

"I know. Me too."

"Jeff, we've got to come to one final agreement."

"What's that?"

"When we leave here, we won't discuss anything that's negative since we've both made our decision. OK?"

"Yeah. No turning back."

"You got it! No turning back."

They stood up in front of the altar rail and looked about at all the empty pews.

"It IS beautiful, Jeff."

"I know...but it's kinda wonderfully scary."

"And exciting."

"Yeah, and exciting." Jeff repeated.

"We'll be on our own."

"I know."

"It'll be a new experience for you. I've been on my own for almost eleven years."

"But we have each other."

"That's right, babe, we have each other." Johnny concluded by putting his arm around Jeff's neck and shoulders. That was all the excuse Jeff needed to turn and kiss Johnny gently on the lips.

"You don't feel kinda funny kissing me in front of an altar, as Sandra Dee said to Troy Donahue in that movie, 'right here in front of God and everybody'?"

"Right here in front of God and an empty church." Jeff corrected him.

"You ready to head home?" Johnny asked.

"I AM home." Jeff replied.

"I mean 'home', home!"

"Briarwood's not my home...not any longer. My home is wherever you are." Jeff said, with a small smile,

"God, I DO love you."

"Come on, let's go before you get me excited and I have to fuck you on the altar."

"You nut!" Johnny cried. "Yeah, let's get out of here. The last thing I want to do is get you horny!"

The two of them left the church without locking it. There had never been a lock on the doors. There was no reason to lock it in Mackintosh. Residents could come and go 24/7 should they need to pray.

Johnny volunteered to drive the first shift, well, he TOLD Jeff he was going to drive first. That was understood between them. Johnny ALWAYS drove when the two of them were out together.

They talked, made plans, and re-lived the drag show from the night before. The two of them kept coming up with names that they remembered and trying to put names to the faces in their memories. One or two of the residents looked gravely ill and Jeff had his doubt that they would be alive when he returned. It would have been excessively forward of him to offer "almost" final unction to them. Who knows? They might outlive him. Living with AIDS was so unpredictable. Both Jeff and Johnny had seen AIDS patients at death's door rally and look healthy as a Brad Pitt, the next day.

Since taking his final vows, Jeff had never officiated at a funeral. He had assisted Father Cliff back when he was Cliff's acolyte. Jeff knew he'd better learn in a hurry, what to say if the death ratio was as severe as Frank had said. God, there must be something that he and Johnny could do to make them better, healthier, and happier. At St. Genesius and with the Cole Institute for AIDS nearby, Father Cliff might say a funeral mass twice, maybe three times in a whole year. Chris had never celebrated a funeral mass either at St. Genesius. But, sometimes, three in one day in a population of 3,500? That figure had to change and change soon. Heck, if it would do any good, Jeff would propose that they plow up Main Street and plant broccoli from one end of town to the other. Jeff hated funerals...ALL funerals. He often was reminded how his good friend at college, Ritch, used to say, 'the only reason people attend funerals is to mourn out loud!'

They drove straight through to Briarwood, only stopping for gas, a midnight snack, breakfast, and a couple of Wendy's and fries for lunch, just to please Jeff.

While it was his turn to drive, Johnny reflected on the events of the past few days. Inside of a week he had decided to change jobs, not even knowing what his new job would envelop, and to top it all, he found out that he was a millionaire and had been for over three years. Johnny held no grudge toward Jeff for not telling him about the money. If the situation was reversed, Johnny might have done the same as Jeff by keeping it a secret. Jeff had always been full of surprises. That's one of the things Johnny loved most about him. But it was still amusing to think Jeff had all this money in the bank for nearly eight years and he was so blase about it. Jeff had been reared to never want anything because Walter had provided well for him and Alex.

It was funny though, when you thought that Jeff, with all the money in the world, so to speak, always settled on Wendy's and fries. Things like that was what made Jeff, "Jeff". Who wouldn't love him? Who couldn't love him? Jeff had lost some of his boyish good looks but he had replaced them by becoming handsome. Jeff was about to become the shepherd of his own flock, but inside he was still Jeff, the boy, who'd rather be out in an open field, playing a flute and minding a real herd of rams and ewes.

After they pulled into their driveway, Johnny unloaded their luggage while Jeff went inside to use the bathroom. While seated on the commode, Jeff reached up to dial the phone beside him. He called his dad.

"Hello?" Walt answered.

"Hey Dad!" Jeff replied.

"Where are you?"

"Sittin' on the john."

"Sitting on the john, where?"

"Home. Johnny's and my house."

"Home?"

"Yep."

"So soon?"

"Yep."

"Is there anything wrong. I didn't expect you back until next week. Are you all right? Is Johnny all right?"

"Yep, we're both fine."

"Then I don't understand. You two didn't have a fight or anything, did you?"

"Nope! I'm fine. Johnny's fine. How are you?"

"Well, I WAS fine until you called. Now you have me suspicious why you came home so soon."

"I want to tell you about it, but I want to see you in person when I tell you."

"Jeff, you have a serious tone in your voice. Are you keeping something from me?"

"Sorta, but don't ask any more questions right now. OK?"

"All right, but I am concerned."

"What are you and Daddy Dave doing tonight?"

"We're having Cliff and Roger over for dinner."

"That sounds super! I want to talk with both of them. You get a couple of grilled cheese sandwiches so Johnny and I can come over, if it's all right?"

"When has it never been all right for you and Johnny to come over here? It's still your home."

Walt's mentioning the word, 'home' clanged in Jeff's mind as the chimes at the Powder Puff Pub did, Saturday night. Where was 'home' for Jeff? His dad's house where he was reared? The house that he and Johnny were living in now? St. Genesius? Mackintosh and St. Aloysius? Or was it simply as Johnny had said, "Wherever you are is my home"?

From the time that Jeff had spoken his first word when he was six months old, he had never been at a loss for words. His "words" had often got him into trouble because Jeff had a reputation from anyone who knew him, of always speaking his mind and holding back nothing. This characteristic was an oxymoron for Jeff, the priest. But, for the first time in his life, he didn't know how to say that he was leaving Briarwood to his family that loved him dearly. He closed his eyes briefly when he hung up the phone and prayed "Jeff's Prayer" consisting of "Hey, God! Help! Amen."

Jeff told Johnny about the dinner invitation from his dad and the two of them jumped into the shower and played like two street kids under a fire hydrant on a hot day in Brooklyn. They had 'fun' sex in the water. It felt good, not only to wash away the dirt from two days driving, but the hot spray from the showerhead, plus the sex, helped to relieve their nervous tension.

Daddy Dave had outdone himself with the dinner menu. It was more like a feast. Walter had failed to mention to Jeff that he had invited Jay and Troy, and Ryan, Kyle, and their two kids. The entire family welcomed Jeff and Johnny at the door, as if they had been gone for a long trip instead of a weekend jaunt to New England. The fact that everyone would be there made Jeff suspicious that maybe word had gotten back to his family about the Mackintosh decision.

Little Pete and Danny were outside playing with Walter's two yellow Labrador Retrievers when Jeff and Johnny arrived at Walter and Daddy Dave's. The two toddlers came scampering across the large lawn when they recognized their "uncles'" car.

"Uncle Jeff! Uncle Johnny!" the kids yelled as they ran to jump in Jeff and Johnny's arms.

"Hiya, puddin'head!" Jeff said, giving Little Pete a big hug.

Johnny hoisted Danny over his shoulders and let him ride the rest of the way into the house. Johnny always got a lump in this throat when he saw how happy Kyle and Ryan's sons were. The adopted boys would never realize how fortunate they were to become part of such a loving family. Johnny knew, because from the first time that Jeff's family had seen him, he was adopted from that minute on. Maybe there was no woman in Little Pete and Danny's lives but that had two great fathers and two grandfathers that would take them to the moon and back if they wanted to go. Their dads and granddads were only part of the family that had adopted them. They had Uncle Jeff, Uncle Johnny, Uncle Alex and Uncle Ted, out in California, Uncle Jay, Uncle Troy, and two uncles in New York, which they had never seen, Rob and Timmy. Then of course, there were two loving godfathers, Cliff and Roger.

Jeff and Johnny were greeted with hugs and kisses from everyone who was awaiting them inside the house. Walter gave Johnny an extra big hug while Cliff was doing the same to Jeff.

"I must say," Walter said looking at Johnny's face, "you two were only gone for the weekend but you both look better than I've seen you in years."

At this remark, Johnny looked at Jeff. They were both embarrassed momentarily.

"Walt's right, Jeff," Cliff added. "If you had stayed longer we might not have recognized you.

"They're right!" Johnny said to himself, "I DO feel rested. Even Jeff has a glow on his face that I haven't seen for a while."

"You guys hungry?" Dave asked.

"Yeah, Daddy Dave, but we feel kinda bad barging in on your dinner party like this, I told Dad that we'd settle for a grilled cheese sandwich."

"Jeff, how long have you known Dave?" Walter asked his son.

"About seven years now, ever since you two fell in love," Jeff replied.

"Then you should know by now that when your Daddy Dave cooks a meal, he thinks he's preparing for the 5,000 who supped on five loaves and two fishes. The Salvation Army's soup kitchen stays in business from the leftovers when Dave prepares a dinner party."

"I don't know how to cook for just two people," Dave added. "We never know who or how many of our boys are going to drop in at suppertime and how hungry they are."

"Roger, I hope you bought that stock in ByeRyte Supermarket." Walter joked. "Dave keeps that stock paying dividends every week from our grocery bill."

Everyone laughed.

Johnny led the two youngsters over to their real dads. "You want to wash their hands before we eat, or should I?" Johnny asked Ryan and Kyle.

"You do it, Johnny," Ryan said, "Maybe it's time you get used to having kids around you."

"Good Lord!" Johnny screeched at Jeff. "You're pregnant and didn't let me know?"

"Believe me, babe, if I get pregnant, you'll be the only one who knows!" Jeff retorted.

David had made a pitcher of mango daiquiris and went around serving them as Johnny took the kids to the bathroom to wash their faces and hands. When he returned, Jeff handed him a drink for the toast.

David raised his glass, "Here's to family...our family. May we always be as happy as we are now, no matter where we are!"

That was the second clue, which made Jeff more suspicious. "Heck, all of them probably know and they planned this big bash for Johnny and me." Jeff thought to himself. "No matter where we are...hmm."

The meal was wonderful. David was probably the best cook in Briarwood. "Thank God, I didn't live here long after he and Dad met or I would weigh five-hundred pounds by now," Jeff mused, again to himself. He was so glad that his dad had found someone like David. They complemented each other in every way. Never had either of them raised their voice in anger. Jeff had never known of the least disagreement between his two dads. Jeff's eyes turned to Father Cliff and Roger, who were the world's most perfectly matched couple. Sure, there were many in the world that would criticize the lot of them and damn their souls to hell, but those who would condemn had never known the kind of love that filled this house.

"I only wish Alex and Ted were here," Walter said.

"Yes, and don't forget Rob and Timmy in New York," Cliff quickly added.

"How are they?" David asked Cliff.

"They couldn't be happier. I talked with them just last week."

"What show are they doing now?" Johnny asked.

Roger reared back as a proud father and announced,"Well, it seems that Broadway can't seem to find new music and lyrics for musicals. If Stephen Sondheim ever stops writing, that will be the end of musical theater as we know it. Everything is revivals! Revivals! The investors are afraid to sink money into a show that hasn't already proved itself to be a hit."

"So, they're doing a revival?" Johnny asked.

"Yes, and it sounds wonderful," Cliff said.

Roger jumped back in, almost mid-sentence, "The two of them are producing a new version of Lerner and Loewe's, "Brigadoon". As you know, the story is set in Scotland and Timmy got this idea of incorporating dances, like those in "Riverdance" and making it into a authentic dance/musical. Combining the two should make an enormous hit, box office-wise."

"Oh how I love "Brigadoon", Walter said.

"What's it about?" Ryan asked.

"It's about two weary hunters who lost their way in the highlands of Scotland." Cliff began. "They came upon a small town that wasn't on their map. It was a strange, mystical village hidden beneath the mist and between the mountains and vales. The town was filled with love. Everyone loves everybody...almost too good to be true. There's only one thing. The hamlet only appears for one day every hundred years. The protagonist, Tommy, falls in love with Fiona, a daughter of Brigadoon. He falls in love with the town as well. Jeff, Tommy's friend is not taken by the town at first. So the plot becomes a struggle for Tommy, after he learns of the town's secret, whether he wants to stay in Brigadoon with his newly found love, or return to the hustle of New York. The show was one of Roger's and my favorites. It has a tremendous score...songs like, "Almost Like Being In Love, "The Heather on the Hill, and one song that's always been dear to me, "There But For You, Go I. Tommy knows that he must leave everyone and everything behind to find his happiness in a quaint little hidden village."

That was it! Jeff's suspicion became a reality. He looked long and hard at Roger until he got Roger's attention.

"How did you find out, Uncle Roger?"

"Find out what?" Roger asked, with a twinkle in his eye. "You mean about Brigadoon...or a little town called Mackintosh?"

Johnny almost choked on his food. He and Jeff had been so careful in not letting anyone know until they were ready to tell.

"Mackintosh," Jeff said. "How did you know?"

"I've known Frank Madsen ever since the Institute opened. He came dowm for a visit and told me all about his plans of making Mackintosh an AIDS hamlet. I called him this morning to see if he needed some financial assistance and he told me about the whole weekend with you and Johnny. Then I called Walter and he and David arranged this little get-together this evening. Cliff knows Frank too."

"But how do you know Frank?"

"Mini-me, I'm a priest just like yourself and I know how to keep secrets too."

"But...?"

"A few weeks ago, a couple of the guys from Mackintosh came down to celebrate mass at St. Genesius. They introduced themselves to me and Ed and I had them over for lunch. They told us all about Mackintosh, its residents, and so forth, and they happened to mention that their priest was dying and they asked if I knew someone who might consider coming up to give them the once-over. At first, I told them, 'no'. But, later that evening, after talking it over with you-know-who. I prayed about it and in my semi-sleep, I kept seeing your face, Jeff, The two of them left Frank's phone number with me, just in case that I knew of an interested young rector. I gave him your name on the condition that he never tell you that it was I who had recommended you. That letter you received from Frank? Well, actually, Roger and I already knew about it. We just sat back and let God do whatever He wanted with you. When you returned from your so-called wedding last week, I couldn't tell if you were considering it or not. That's when Walter, Roger and I got together and suggested that you and Johnny go away for a few days."

Roger took time out to drink a sip of water before he continued. "Cliff and I discussed it after we talked with Frank this morning. Walter and we all knew that it was a difficult decision for you and Johnny to make. We also realized you wouldn't know how to tell us without hurting or perhaps, disappointing us. Both of you always consider other people's feelings more than your own.

"And this story about Rob and Timmy's revival of 'Brigadoon' was all made up?"

"No! Not in the least! They're producing the show for real. It was just ironic that Tommy's plight in Scotland was similar to yours and Johnny's."

"Father, Uncle Roger, Dad, Daddy Dave,...I don't know what to say." Jeff said. He was stunned and surprised by the tables being turned on him and Johnny.

"You don't have to say anything...either of you." Walter said, "We love you and want both of you to be happy. Jeff, words cannot express how proud I am of you and what you've become. And Johnny, I couldn't love you more if you had come out of the same womb as Jeff."

That's all it took for Johnny to break down into tears. He buried his face in his cloth napkin.

"We, Johnny and I, were both afraid. We didn't know how to approach the subject of our moving. I mean, there's St. Genesius and Johnny's work at the clinic to consider."

Roger realized how painful this was for Jeff, so he thought he would lighten the conversation a bit, "Oh? And you think we can't get along without either of you? You think you're irreplaceable?" Jeff gave Roger a startled look. "Well, let me tell both of you. You ARE irreplaceable in our hearts and lives. No one can and will ever fill that void. But as far as the church and the clinic are concerned, it'll be difficult, but with the grace of God, we'll manage somehow."

Cliff added to Roger's proclamation, "Besides, who says you're going for good? There'll always be a spot at St, Genesius for you. Hell, I may retire in forty years and Chris might have sailed away to a South Sea island with Ed. By that time you'll be sixty-four and ready to come back and replace us. As for Johnny, Roger and I will make sure that there will be a position for him at the clinic or at the Institute, if he should ever want to return."

"Father Cliff...Uncle Roger...you're making this so easy for us." Jeff was crying now.

"That's the way it should be, son. From what Cliff has told me, yours and Johnny's life is not going to be easy up there. You're going to be faced with challenges you've never had to face. Always know that I, Roger, Cliff, or David are just a phone call away if you need any or all of us.

"Also, don't forget to call Ed if you need some medical assistance or advice," Roger said.

"Hey, bro, you are going to have a place for visitors when you move, aren't you." Ryan asked.

"If not, we'll build one." Jeff said.

"Kyle and I might want to bring the boys and let them see New England."

"The more the merrier!" Jeff replied. He noticed that Johnny still had his face buried in the napkin.

"Johnny, are you all right?" Jeff asked. Johnny answered by shaking his head, 'yes'. "Have you heard all of this?" Again, Johnny nodded his head affirmatively. Well, have you got anything to say back to them?"

All eyes were on Johnny, who slowly wiped his eyes and face with the napkin.

"I...I...don't know how I got so lucky. If I ever had any doubt about being guided by a higher power...I rescind all of them. Call it God, the Almighty, Fate, whatever,...some universal force guided me to Briarwood. I met you, fell in love, and suddenly everything in the world I'd ever dreamt of, came true. I had never known what love was before then and as I look at all the faces around this table, no one or nothing could ever love me more than I am, right at this moment."

"Daddy Ryan?", Little Pete asked, "Is Uncle Johnny crying?"

"Yes, son," Ryan replied.

"Is he sad?"

"No, son, he's happy. He's very, very happy, just like your Daddy Kyle and I are."

"Uncle Roger," Jeff said, "about the money?"

"You need more?" Roger asked.

"Heavens no! I...Johnny and I...well, me, mostly...feel like we should give it back. As you know it's been in a trust fund and I haven't spent a penny of it."

"Then, damn it! Spend it! Spend ALL of it! What kind of person would want to take back something he gave away to do God's work? Frank's pride might stand in the way of letting me donate to Mackintosh, but that doesn't mean you can't accept a donation which Frank insists on refusing. After leaving the priesthood, a trip halfway around the world, and a close call to dying, I've dedicated my life and the money my grandfather left me to combating AIDS and other diseases. You'll soon have five thousand AIDS and HIV victims to become your flock. They'll need all that I've given you plus much more. All you have to do is give me a call. It's yours for the asking! Of course, I expect you and Johnny to keep a large sum for yourselves," Roger said.

"This is almost too wonderful to believe."

"Believe it, Jeff, and believe that I love you and Johnny more than all the money I have."

A herd of elephants couldn't have held Jeff back from rushing to Roger to give me a huge hug. Jeff's embrace meant more to Roger than any endowment ever could. Roger held Jeff in his arms and felt as close to him as Cliff always had felt toward Jeff. In essence, Jeff was the 'son' Roger and Cliff had never had...more so than Ryan and Jay, and that was saying a lot because of the love Roger felt for them.

After dessert, David began to gather all the dirty dishes. Johnny was the first to offer to help him. Kyle and Ryan left almost immediately in order to put Little Pete and Danny to bed on time. Cliff, Roger, Walter, and Jeff went into the large den surrounded by huge panels of carved ebony. The black wood made the room darker than Walter would have liked, but he had let David pick out the colors and motif for the room and went along with David's choice.

The four of them enjoyed a pony of Irish creme liqueur to settle their big meal. Walter went over to the home theatre and selected a Mahler Symphony to play on the CD. Mahler was Cliff and Roger's favorite composer. As soon as the orchestra began to play the dulcet opening strains, everyone in the room smiled in recognition that Walter had chosen Gustav's Ninth.

No one said a word. The music was so soothing and serene. Jeff kept eyeing Cliff and Roger as if to say, "You two pulled one over me this time, didn't you?" Cliff and Roger almost simultaneously returned the unspoken reply, "We surely did, 'little Father". Soon Johnny and David joined them after they had placed the dinner dishes in the dishwasher. Jeff had a million questions he would like to've asked, but since their moving debacle had gone so smoothly, he decided that this was not the time or place. Jeff patted on the sofa, inviting Johnny to join him. Jeff thought, 'If the world's ever going to come to an end, I hope it's right now or another time when the six of us are as happy as we are now'.

Earlier in the day, Cliff had contacted the Bishop and told him about Jeff's decision. The two of them pulled a few strings to overcome all the red tape involved with Jeff's change of Diocese. The Bishop contacted his counterpart in New Hampshire and within four hours. Everything had been arranged for Jeff's transfer to go through without a hitch so that Jeff could begin his new ministry in four weeks.

When the last movement of the symphony had completed, Walter stood up and said, "If you'll excuse me, I want to call Alex. He should know about this...that is, unless you want to call him yourself, Jeff?"

"No, Dad, call him and I'll talk to him after you've finished." Walter nodded and went from the den into his study, where there was more light. The decor of the study had been chosen by him...white wood panels.

Jeff let his father talk privately for about ten minutes and then he joined his dad at his desk.

"Oh, here comes your brother, he wants to talk to you. Ask him about any details I might have left out." Walter said over the phone. He handed the receiver to Jeff.

"Hi, bro." Jeff said. "How are things?"

"Everything's fine here," Alex replied. "Sounds like all the excitement is in Briarwood."

"Yep, there's kind of electricity in the air here at Dad's. How's Ted?"

"You tell me."

"What's going on? You two having troubles?"

"No, it's just that I never see him anymore. He jumps from sport to sport. As soon as one season ends, another takes over, except for basketball. They seem to play goddamned basketball twelve months a year. I swear Jeff, I never saw one sport have so many playoffs. Then the playoffs have playoffs. One night Ted's in New York, the next, Miami, then Denver, Calgary, St. Louis, Portland, on and on."

"When's the last time he was at home?"

"Which year?"

"Fuck, I thought everything was going great for you guys."

"That was in the beginning, before he became Mr. Sportscaster USA."

"Why don't you take off and go with Ted, Alex?"

"I can't leave my work. I'm just as busy, if not busier at the Center as I was when I lived in Briarwood. You ought to know. I mean, your Johnny took my place at Cole Center."

"I know and you and he are so much alike. Maybe that's why I love him so. He reminds me so much of you."

"How in the world did you convince him to leave that insane asylum and move with you to Vermont?"

"New Hampshire."

"Wherever. How did you do it?"

"Oh he's jumping from the frying pan into the skillet. He wants to open up a place in Mackintosh for the residents there."

"Shit! I'd probably do the same thing."

"I know you would." Jeff said. "Between the two of us, you were always the responsible one. I was flighty. stubborn, and always had to get my own way."

"So you finally realized that yourself?" Alex kidded. "I tried to tell you that for seventeen years," Jeff added. "Are you and Johnny still happy together?"

"Completely!"

"No cheating or tricking on the side...either of you?"

"None whatsoever." Jeff stated proudly. "Don't tell me that you and Ted have been stepping out on one another?"

"A couple of times, maybe."

"Damn! This is more serious than I thought!" Jeff exclaimed. "Who cheated? You or Ted?"

"I'm guilty as charged."

"And Ted?"

"I don't know for sure, but hell, you've know Ted as long as I. You know what an insatiable sexual appetite he's always had. When he's on the road, I'm sure he's getting his jollies from somebody. God knows, he's not home enough for me to satisfy his pate."

"I'm sorry, bro." Jeff said somberly.

"YOU'RE sorry? How do you think I feel? That big king-sized bed is so lonely at night. It's like sleeping in a mausoleum surrounded by corpses and mummies!"

"You know, Alex, if I were there or if you were here, I'd hold you like I used to."

"I remember those nights. I remember all the nights I held YOU until you went to sleep in my arms...right after Mom died."

"Those were sad but wonderful times, Alex."

"I miss 'em, Jeff."

"I think about them often when I think about you. Have I ever apologized for the tough times I put you through?"

"No, but it's too late for that now."

"Did I ever tell you I love you?"

"A couple of times...when we were experimenting in the bed."

"Yeah, but those were words brought on by orgasms!" Jeff waited for Alex's response but Alex remained silent. "Did I ever tell you after that, that I love you? You were the best big brother I could ever want to have."

"You mean in between times when I was trying to commit suicide?"

"Maybe that's when I should've told you."

"Hey! Is Dad still there?" Alex said, changing the subject.

"No, he went back into the den."

"Well, if he's not within hearing distance, would you tell me how he and David are getting along?"

"Like two lovebirds...two 'grandpa' lovebirds."

"Thank God for that! I'm glad they're happy. And all the rest? Jay and Troy? Kyle and Ryan? I guess you don't know much about Timmy and Rob."

"They're all perfect as Wyeth pictures, especially, Kyle and Ryan. Those two kids brought them even closer than they were before the adoption, if that's possible."

"So, everyone's happy except me...and Ted?"

"So to speak."

"Alex, are you homesick?"

"Kinda."

"Why don't you come back for a visit, whether Ted comes or not."

"Sometimes I think I would like to."

"Listen, I should be settled in Macintosh in a couple of months. Why don't you come and visit me and Johnny?"

"Sounds tempting."

"Come on!"

"That's all I need...to come visit you and find a new boyfriend with HIV."

"There's nothing wrong with that, if that's what you want. Lots of guys here at St. Genesius are negative with positive lovers. You know that. You've been in the business long enough to know anything's possible, just as long as you keep the loving safe."

"God, you've got my head spinning like you used to."

"I'm not talking with you to create more problems. I just hate hearing you sound so depressed and lonely."

"Hey! Hey! I'm not suicidal, Jeff, if that's what you're getting at...at least not yet!"

"Will you just shut up and consider my invitation?"

"What if I came for a visit and Johnny and I hit it off?"

"No need to worry about suicide because I'll kill both of you!"

They laughed as they used to.

"God, it's so great talking to you, Jeff."

"Alex, I was just kidding about you and Johnny."

"I know that."

"Hell, if it would make you happy, I'd loan him out to you for a night or two."

"Johnny might have something to say about that."

"I think you'd find the whole thing narcissistic. You two are so similar, it'd be like falling in love with yourself."

"You idiot!" Alex retorted. "But, come to think of it, when Dad sent me the pictures of yours and Johnny's commitment ceremony, I thought Johnny DID look a lot like me."

"The spitting image."

They both heard a buzz coming from Alex's phone.

"Hold on a sec!" Alex said, while he answered his other phone line. He was away for about three minutes before he returned to talk with Jeff.

"Hey, bro, I gotta hot one on the other line. This guy just shot his lover and now he's got the gun placed at his head,"

"GO!" Jeff hollered. "I'll talk with you soon and we'll make plans."

Alex hung up his phone without saying goodbye to his brother. Jeff understood all too well. Johnny had taken suicide calls at all hours of the day and night. Jeff knew that Alex was as committed to his duties as Johnny was. Jeff held the receiver in his hand a long time. He kissed it before he replaced it back on the cradle. "Good night, bro. I love you," Jeff whispered.

<><><><><><>

In some ways, Chris was anxious to see Andy for the first time in eight years. Andy was just a kid of sixteen when he and Chris had their one-night affair, thus creating a scandal in the church in Atlanta and almost causing Chris to be fired. For the sake of all concerned, Chris had resigned his position as assistant rector of the Georgian church and had opted to write a goodbye letter to Andy rather than experiencing an 'in person' farewell. Chris didn't know how Andy had found him in Briarwood or what had transpired in Andy's life from mid-adolescence to young manhood...and suddenly Andy calls Chris from out of the blue. Chris' eagerness to meet up with Andy was equalized with dread and fear as he couldn't imagine why Andy had contacted him after such a long time apart.

Rather than risk an unpleasant scene at St. Genesius, Chris gave Andy directions to Briarwood's one and only, Starbuck's, where Andy was waiting by the time Chris arrived. Andy the kid was no longer a kid. His scrawny frame had filled out into solid muscular flesh. Andy's eyes still had that forlorn look but the rest of his face was older and more handsome as his childlike features had disappeared. Chris rushed to Andy outside Starbuck's door and gave him a big hug.

"Hiya, Father Chris!"

"My God, you've grown! I hardly recognized you."

"Please accept this as a compliment, Father, but you looked exactly the same...not one day older."

"I guess that says something about living a quiet life in a small town like Briarwood."

"This place is beautiful. I had to look hard to find it on the map."

"When I left Atlanta on my way to God-knows-where, I got as far as Briarwood, fell in love with what I saw and never went any further."

"Your church is Anglican, isn't it?"

"Yes."

"But you were a Roman Catholic priest."

"That's before I met the power of persuasion of my boss, Father Cliff."

"You said you had a partner now, is it Father Cliff?"

"Oh, no. Father Cliff is so involved with his partner only God himself could separate those two. My...my partner is a doctor."

"So you...'married' into big money, huh?"

"No, actually I didn't. Ed, my better half, does have money, but it was his work and dedication to it that first attracted me to him. Second it was his personality and the way we fell in love that caused me to make the decision to become committed to him.

"You married him?"

"Yes, Father Cliff performed the commitment ceremony at a mass at St. Genesius with all our friends present. Have you heard of the Cole Institute for AIDS?"

"Who hasn't?"

"Well, Father Cliff's partner is Roger Cole...the founder of the Institute. Father Cliff even had his surname changed legally to Roger's. So now Cliff is Father Cliff Cole...but anyway, Roger owns the Institute and oversees all the financial end of the project and my Ed is administrator of Cole Institute."

"Good grief...you didn't marry into money as much as you did fame and reputation."

"Why don't we go inside and have a latte or something so that we can sit and talk."

"Great!"

The two old friends went inside, ordered two fancy coffees and sat down at a table far away from the counter, as private as possible.

"I still can't get over how well you look and what a fine young man you grew up to be," Chris said as he sipped his coffee.

"I suppose a thousand questions are popping in your head right now, Father."

"A few..."

"You're wondering why I called. Perhaps you're wondering if I ever forgave you for leaving me so suddenly just when I thought our relationship was about to begin...not end."

"I guess I SHOULD apologize for that, Andy."

"I was hurt at first. Then I waited for you to write or call me...maybe even come and get me and take me wherever you were...but weeks turned into months without hearing a word. The months rolled into years and soon I REALLY wanted you to contact me just so I could tell you how much I hated your guts. Sometimes the rage boiled inside me so much I could have murdered you and gone to prison for the rest of my life just to get the satisfaction of seeing you get the comeuppance you deserved."

"You hated me that much?"

"That much and more!"

"And now...?"

"I'll get to that later."

"Did you finish high school and go to college?"

"Neither! I couldn't stand being around my folks any longer with my mother saying, 'Uh huh, I told you so...'. So just like you, I ran away in the middle of the night."

"Where did you go?"

"All over...first, New Orleans, then Fort Worth, Los Angeles, San Francisco, Chicago, New York, Washington, D.C., and finally back to Atlanta from where I called you the other night."

"Damn! You certainly saw lots of the country. Did you work? What did you do?"

"It's strange, but the younger you are, the more money you can make sucking dicks! When I was in Los Angeles, I was working for three different guys who booked me at parties in Bel Air and Hollywood. You'd be amazed at some of the famous dicks I sucked...movie stars, rock stars, television celebrities...they all wanted a kid and that kid was me! By the time I moved to San Francisco, I had fifty-thousand dollars saved. I bought myself a secondhand Porsche, new clothes, had my hair styled, and was living the gay high life."

Chris didn't know what to say or how to react. Was he the cause of Andy's degradation? If he had stayed in Atlanta, would any of these things happened. Chris tried not to looked shocked or appear that he disapproved. For the first time in his life, Chris understood what having a 'poker face' meant.

Andy continued, "But soon I was twenty, then twenty-one, and the novelty of my youth wore out. Kids younger than I were in demand. I couldn't ask for big bucks I was getting just a couple of years before. I thought the best thing to do was become an agent or a pimp like the ones I had in L.A. and skim money off the top of young cocksuckers as I was once."

"I know it's absolutely none of my business, Andy, but I pray to God, you were safe during those years. I mean, you DID practice safe sex, didn't you?"

"You wanna know if I got AIDS?"

"Do you?"

"Bigger'n hell!"

"My God, are you seeing a doctor? Are you on medication?"

"Hell, no! I'm sure you've heard of people with a death wish. We used to see lots of them on our meal runs in Atlanta. Well, I've got a BIG death wish and the sooner I die, the better off I and everyone else will be!"

"Andy, you can't mean that!"

"Oh yes I can. That's why I wanted to see you one last time. I wanted you to see what became of me after you didn't call or write."

"Andy, please! You can't blame me for your illness."

"Like fuck, I can't. We were in love and were going to spend our lives together, remember?"

"Honestly, Andy, I don't recall either of us making such a promise."

"I guess I made the whole fucking thing up in my head. They say that toward the end, AIDS can fuck your mind up!"

"Andy, you know I can get you help! You know with the advanced AIDS procedures and meds at Cole Institute, we can arrest AIDS now and you can lead a normal life."

"Ha! That's a fucking joke. I've never led a normal life, so you think a bunch of your fancy pills will make me lead one?"

"Perhaps 'normal' was not the correct word. But you can get better and more than likely, well."

"Oh, goody! Goody! I can start all over again being a twenty-four year old cocksucker who's not much in demand."

"Andy? Would you grant me one favor?"

"WHY?"

"Let's say, would you allow me to do YOU a favor?"

"Again...WHY?"

"I guess I owe you one."

"What do you want?"

"I want you to allow Ed to examine you and run some blood tests to see how sick you really are...and find out what the Institute can do for you!"

"I got no insurance and I'm all but broke. I couldn't afford an aspirin at Cole Institute."

"There will be no charge...none at all...for any tests or medication. What have you got to lose?"

"Since I've already lost everything, there's nothing more to lose."

"Then, you'll do it?"

"Are you sure it's not gonna cost me anything?"

"I swear it."

"Besides, I might get a couple of free meals and a place to stay for a couple of nights."

"You can stay there as long as Ed thinks necessary."

"I'd like to meet Ed and show him who you almost fell in love with before you met him."

"I think Ed would love to meet you. I've often told him about the way you used to help me with the meals."

"I'll bet you didn't tell him that you and I had sex. did you?"

"Yes, I did. He knows all about it and why I quit the church in Atlanta and how I found Briarwood."

"He...Ed...he won't hold a grudge against me, will he?"

"Once you meet him, you'll know why he won't!"

"Who knows, he might get to like me as much as you did..."

"Who knows?"

"All right, where do I have to go and what to I have to do?"

"Are you parked in the parking lot?"

"Yep!"

"Just follow my car. We can be at Cole in about ten minutes."

"Hey, Father! You ARE picking up the check for the coffee, aren't you?"

"I paid for it at the counter, Andy."

"I was just wondering..."

Andy followed Chris to the Institute. Chris was filled with anguished guilt and yet a sigh of relief as he thought Andy might have come to Briarwood to blackmail him for being just one more statistic of a priest going to bed with a minor.

<><><><><><><><><><>

Four weeks had passed since Jeff and Johnny's decision to leave Briarwood. They didn't know how they found time to pack their junk and ricrac because of all the goodbyes. In three weeks time, there had been twenty-two going away parties for the two of them. One Friday, there was four in one night. They went from party to party, sometimes eyeing one another as if to say, "Is it worth it or should we just forget about leaving?" They had so many friends and all of them wanted to do something so that they would be remembered 'specially' by the departing couple.

Jeff believed it was more difficult to say goodbye to Father Cliff and Roger than his own father. It was two days before Jeff and Johnny were scheduled to leave. Johnny had packed the last few things remaining in his office at St. Genesius. He went down the hall to Cliff's office and entered without knocking, as he had so many times over the past few years for their afternoon chats.

Cliff was at his desk jotting notes and verses for his next sermon. He wore a pair of glasses that he placed far down on the bridge of his nose. Jeff took a hard look at his mentor. Shoot! Even with glasses, he's handsome. Jeff remembered at one time, he had masturbated while envisioning sex with Cliff. That was before Johnny, but an attraction still lurked from the shepherd.

"Father Cliff?" Jeff said as he entered.

"Hi, Father Jeff." Cliff replied.

"That doesn't seem quite right to me. I may have the title of 'Father', but to you, I always want to be 'Jeff'."

"You've become pious at the ripe old age of twenty-four?"

"Well, to some I may be "Father", but I don't feel right when you call me that."

"We've been through a lot together, haven't we, boy?"

"A couple of lifetimes maybe," Jeff said, smiling.

"Roger and I are so proud of you."

"I hope so."

"We've watched a little caterpillar turn into a beautiful butterfly, Jeff."

"Oh, nah. Maybe a moth!"

"Excited about leaving?"

"Yes and no. I wanted to come by and discuss a couple of things with you, privately."

"I'm glad you did."

"First of all, I still don't feel right about taking Roger's money."

"You heard what Roger said. That's your money, Jeff...yours and Johnny's...to do with as you see fit."

"Is just that..."

"I know, you think you want to make a ten million dollar donation to St. Genesius because you feel that's what Roger wants you to do."

"Well,...yes."

"I appreciate your gesture, little man, but ten million dollars is not a drop in a bucket compared with the endowment Roger has given to the church. We'd hardly notice it."

"But..."

"NO 'BUTS'! Roger sees in you what I see. He wants you to have the money to go out and do things that he's done."

"All right, I'll believe you."

"So what else is bothering you?"

"I...it's just...Father! I can't leave here thinking that you called Frank because you wanted to get rid of me."

Cliff laughed but the laughter subsided when he saw that Jeff was serious in his statement.

"Get rid of you? Jeff, Jeff, my little Jeff, do you really believe that?"

Jeff couldn't speak. He was choking back tears, which were already streaking his cheeks. He answered with one small nod.

Cliff arose from his desk and went to Jeff, embracing him. Cliff pulled Jeff's head to his chest so that his chin rested on top of Jeff's head.

"Jeff, you're the son Roger and I will never have. Roger feels the same way about you. Even if you go all the way to India and be the Dalai Lama's assistant, neither of us would or could rid ourselves of you. You're inside us both. You've become a part of us...a part that will stay as long as we live. All you boys...OUR boys...Roger's and mine...have a special place in our hearts. Jay, Troy, Kyle, Ryan, Timmy, Rob...and most recently, Chris and Ed. We love all of them, but that little place in the deepest part of our hearts will always be filled with Jeff."

Jeff clutched Cliff's robe and drew himself tighter to Cliff's body.

"I love you, Father Cliff," Jeff whispered through his tears.

"I know and I love you too, little one."

Time stood still. Neither of them knew exactly how long they held each other. Cliff took the knuckle of his forefinger and put it under Jeff's chin so that their eyes would look into one another's.

"Feel better?" Cliff whispered.

Jeff nodded.

"Is there anything else bothering you?"

"Mmm hmm."

"What?"

"That night when Johnny and I returned from Mackintosh and we were all at Dad's."

"Yes?"

"You said that if I ever wanted to, I could come back...here to St. Genesius. Did you mean it?"

"Absolutely. Jeff, I would give up my pulpit and give it to you if you ever wanted it!"

"No, I wouldn't want that. I wouldn't want to be here without you."

"I want you to, though. I want you to go to Mackintosh or wherever you're guided and turn the world around. You're gay. I'm gay. There are millions of us out there that thinks the church no longer wants them. They'll shape your ministry and help you find your destiny."

"I'm scared, Father."

"Jeff, when I first met you and you were just a step away of becoming a juvenile delinquent. You weren't afraid of God Almighty. So I know you'll overcome any fear you might feel temporarily."

"I hope so."

"I know so." Cliff said, giving Jeff a big hug. "Hey, have you got time to watch part of a video?"

"Sure. Got some new porn, huh?" Jeff joked.

"No, it's part of a movie that I know you've seen a hundred times, but this time I think the scene will mean more to you."

Cliff released Jeff and went to his bookcase and withdrew a DVD. He put it into the video machine and clicked to chapter 18. The movie was "The Wiz", starring Diana Ross and Michael Jackson. Cliff turned out the lights and Lena Horn, dressed as Glenda the Good, appeared. She sang:

"If you believe within your heart, you'll know

that no one can change the path that you must go.

Believe what you feel and you'll know you're right

because the time will come around when you'll say it's yours.

Believe that you can come home.

Believe that you can walk on air.

Just click your heels three times, if you believe,

then you'll be there.

That's why I want you to believe in yourself,

right from the start.

Believe in the magic right there in your heart.

Believe all these things not because I told you to.

Believe in yourself as I believe in you."

Cliff stopped the video. He was standing behind Jeff and spoke,

"You remember, now is when the Wiz asks if Dorothy can do something for him. Do you remember what Dorothy says to him?"

"Yes, Father," Jeff replied, quietly, "She told him, 'I don't know what's inside you, but you'll never find it in the safety of this room. I tried all my life. It doesn't work'."

"That's right, Jeff, and then she says, `There's a whole world out there and you'll have to begin by letting people see who you really are'. That's what I'm trying to tell you, Jeff."

Neither of them moved. The mood between them was austere, almost holy. They stayed there silently for a long while to let the message sink into Jeff. Jeff finally smiled, stood up and walked to the door. He turned to give his teacher one last look.

"Just click my heels three times?"

"Yes."

"Goodbye and thanks, Father."

"Goodbye, my little Jeff. You'll always be in my heart and prayers."

"You, too." Jeff managed to say before he exited.

Cliff smiled and slowly wiped a tiny tear from his cheek.

<><><><><>

The following Sunday, Father Jeff Clayton assumed the duties of St. Aloysius in Mackintosh, New Hampshire.

At the eleven o'clock service when Jeff was to give his first sermon as the new pastor. He was nervous as hell. He stood outside the entrance of the church for its very first processional. Frank had trained sixteen residents to act as acolytes, censors, cross bearers, etc. the full regalia. Jeff was the last one to enter as the processional reached from the front of the church to the back. Jeff approached the altar and in a trembling, but rather loud voice, he chanted, "The Lord be with you." The assembly responded with "And with thy spirit." Jeff turned around to face his congregation and to bless them with the sign of the cross. A familiar face from the second pew on the left caught his eye. He saw Johnny, who winked at him. Jeff gasped as he looked down the pew. Sitting next to Johnny was Roger, Walter, David, Troy, Jay, Kyle, Ryan, and wait! In his haste, Jeff had overlooked the person sitting between Johnny and Walter. It was his brother, Alex, beaming like a lighthouse in the night fog. Alex was crying unashamedly. Jeff looked up to give a look to the heavens while he thanked the Almighty. He was home.

<><><><><><><>

(To be continued in "Briarwood"----BOOK FIVE--"FATHER JEFF"-chapter-forty-six.)