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"BRIARWOOD"
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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THE BEGINNING OF BOOK FIVE
"FATHER JEFF"
Chapter Forty-three
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"Book Five of "Briarwood" picks up the story some seven or eight years later from the end of Book Four. Jeff is now graduated from college and seminary and has been ordained as "Father Jeff".
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"And I saw a new heaven and a new earth: for the first heaven and the first earth were passed away.
And I saw the holy city, new Jerusalem, coming down from God out of heaven.
And I heard a great voice out of heaven saying, Behold, the tabernacle of God [is] with men, and he will dwell with them, and they shall be his people, and God himself shall be with them, [and be] their God.
And God shall wipe away all tears from their eyes; and there shall be no more death, neither sorrow, nor crying, neither shall there be any more pain: for the former things are passed away"
(Paraphrased from Revelations 21:1-4 of
"The Holy Bible")
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It was the toughest decision that Jeff had ever made in his young but full life. Jeff's future had been set for him almost from the minute he was confirmed by Bishop Van der Horst. His life could not have been more perfect. He had Johnny, the man of his dreams, who loved him more than life itself. He had the most supportive father (as well as his father's lover) that a gay kid could ask for. His 'adopted' brothers had made him an uncle. His real brother was doing quite well with his own lover in L.A. The church that Jeff had learned to call home was prospering, not only monetarily, but the church attendance was overflowing. St. Genesius had become a common ground for all people to meet, to accept one another as equals, regardless of social status, race, or sexual preference---young gays who had been conditioned by society, peers, and more than often, their own families, that they were doomed to eternal damnation and a life without hope, not to mention an afterlife.
Jeff's mentor, Father Cliff and his benefactor, 'Uncle' Roger were well in their relationship. Roger's dream of the Cole Institute had become a reality and was now the finest research facility in the U.S. for HIV and AIDS research. Ed was the successful administrator of Cole Enterprises. His friendship with Father Chris had not only budded but had blossomed into a firm commitment between the two of them. Once again, the St. Genesius manse was empty since Chris and Ed had built a new home of their own to share. Ed had finally realized that he hadn't turn gay over night, but had more than likely suppressed his homosexual feelings and desires until Chris helped to make them manifest. Cliff, Roger, Walter, David, and all the Briarwood Boys couldn't be happier for Ed and Chris. Troy and Jay were still very much in love and very active with the Institute and crisis center. Troy showed no signs of ever having had AIDS. He had recovered completely as had Kyle, who was more in love with Ryan than ever before, having adopted two young boys. Briarwood had become a Utopia for the Briarwood Boys and the Clayton Clan. Rob and Timmy had finished their run in 'Green Dolphin Street', after which Rob starred in a revival of Wright and Forrest's only original score, 'Kean' which they musical team had originally written for Alfred Drake and currently, Rob was playing, 'Hapgood' in a rewritten version of Stephen Sondheim's short-lived, 'Anyone Can Whistle'. When 'Whistle' first opened on Broadway it had starred Angela Lansbury and Lee Remick, but had only lasted for eleven performance. Now, Rob, playing the role created by Harry Guardino was in the second year of the new production with Tim conducting in the pit at the St. James Theatre on 44th Street. The show was finally getting the worthy recognition it deserved.
Jeff had finished college with top honors, followed by seminary and his ordination as a priest to work along side Father Cliff and Father Chris with the expectation that some day, St. Genesius would be his own parish. What could have been more rewarding? What on God's earth could Jeff want that he didn't already have or had been promised? He had a seven-figure bank account, thanks to the endowment that Roger had given him. Money, career, love, and security were abundant and would be that way for the rest of his life.
But why had he received that haunting letter? Why had he lied to Johnny, his lover, about the secret trip he had taken to a little town that neither he nor anyone else had ever heard of...Mackintosh, New Hampshire, hidden in a valley in the White Mountains like the mystical "Brigadoon"? What was there about the situation there that lured him to go there for the weekend? Maybe it was just a chance to get away and see some different scenery or to look at life from a new perspective. How had anyone in Mackintosh heard of him, let alone been brash enough to invite him there? Jeff had told Johnny he had to go be an usher at the wedding of one of his seminary classmates. This was the first and only time he had ever lied to Johnny about anything. Their relationship was so consummate that there had never been any reason to deceive or lie to one another.
But still, there was something intriguing, yet captivating, about a little white Anglican church, named for St. Aloysius, with only forty pews...twenty on either side of a narrow aisle leading to the altar. No grand splendor like the enormous, but intimate St. Genesius where Jeff had found God, had found his dreams, his ambition, and the assumption of his future endeavors. Jeff knew that Father Cliff planned on his taking over the ministry when Cliff decided to retire. But, with this in mind, taking over Father Cliff's church was not the kind of challenge that Jeff was seeking inwardly. This little church with practically no luxuries, no modern facilities, and no built-in congregation would be his in his quixotic desire. THEN there was the problem---ordeal?---dilemma?---whatever! of asking Johnny to give up his work at the clinic and move to some small remote non-affluent existence.
Jeff knew that Johnny would give in to any wish that Jeff had, but was it fair to Johnny? Sure, they had a life, a good life, together, and yet they were two individuals with different ideas and desires. Father Cliff and Roger!...Dear God! How could he leave Father Cliff with all he and Roger had done for him and Johnny? Would Cliff and Roger understand or be hurt? Jeff wasn't worried about who would replace him at St. Genesius. Chris was next in line to take command should Cliff decide to leave or retire. Was this decision of Jeff's selfish, self-indulgent, and self-gratifying? Would his trying to gain independence be a slap in the face to Father Cliff and the St. Genesius' flock that Jeff had learned to love and nurture? Jeff had most of his millions untouched in the bank. He and Johnny were set for life...but this would be HIS life...not Johnny's.
Jeff took one more walk down the narrow aisle of the tiny Anglican church, straight up to the altar where hung a carved figure of Christ on the cross. He knelt and prayed.
"Dear Lord, what must I do? Have You brought me here for a reason? Am I reading more into this than I should? I've never asked You for guidance before because I always felt my future was predestined at St. Genesius'. Why here? Why now? I pray for enlightenment and the courage to make the right decision according to thy will. Amen."
"Father Clayton?", said a voice behind Jeff. He almost didn't turn around. The only time he'd ever been called that was when the Bishop ordained him. Every person he knew called him. "Father Jeff."
"Yes?" Jeff replied, turning to see the person who had interrupted his talk with God.
"I'm Frank Madsen, president of the selection committee, here at St. Aloysius Anglican."
"Pleased to meet you, sir".
"No, Father Clayton, the pleasure is mine."
"Please call me Father Jeff. When you say 'Father Clayton', I think you're talking about my biological dad."
"Oh? Is he a priest too?"
Jeff laughed. "No, far from it, but he's like a priest to me."
Frank Madsen was a handsome man in his early thirties with dark brown hair and a thin-framed body. There was something in his eyes that seemed to Jeff almost a wanton look. The kind of gaze that only gays give to other gays, recognizing each other without saying a word. The kind of "I know" look. Was the president of the selecting committee gay?
"What do you think of our little parish?", Frank asked.
"It's charming...almost mystical with its quaintness." Jeff replied.
"I know how you feel. That's the way it struck me when I first walked in here a couple of years ago."
"You've only been here two years?"
"Approximately."
"It didn't take you long to climb to a high position."
"I've been here longer that most of the members of the congregation."
"You're kidding? The congregation is that unstable? No long-termed lifers who tell you how the church has always been and how it always should be run?"
"No, I'm afraid not." Frank answered, dropping his head a bit.
"What gives? Not many members? Why don't they stay?"
"How much do you know about Mackintosh, Father Jeff?"
"Very frankly, not much. I couldn't even find it on the map. I had to stop three times to ask directions. The first two places I stopped...well, I'm sorry to say, they'd never heard of it."
"We don't have a chamber of commerce...no mayor...no town council...no police department. We DO have a small post office and one mailman--the post office is located in the back of a pharmacy."
"Thank God, the U.S. mail came through for you."
"So to speak."
"Frank, may I ask you what is the population of Mackintosh?"
"At present, I'm not sure. A year ago, we figured around thirty-five hundred...but that depends on the time of the year."
Jeff looked puzzled. "You mean you have a tourist trade?"
"Not really. Our population drops around the first of fall and the beginning of spring."
"I don't follow."
"I'm from Alabama originally, and there's an old wife's tale about people dying when the sap rises and falls...people die..."
"Jesus! How many of your residents die every year...approximately?"
"It depends," Frank continued. "Last year was up from the year before. We buried around 200 last year."
"Out of thirty-five hundred. Good God! What's going on? Poison in the water or something?"
"I wish it WERE that simple." Frank said, and then he gave Jeff a serious look. "A couple of our residents attended your church, St. Genesius, and stayed for the fellowship afterwards. They met you and they also met your 'Johnny'."
"I beg your pardon? My 'Johnny'?"
"Yes, Father Jeff. They put one and one together and knew that you and Johnny were a couple."
"I wasn't aware that we were that obvious."
"Well, to paraphrase another adage...'it takes two to know two."
"They were gay?"
"Yes, as I am...as we all are, here in Mackintosh."
"I'm sorry, but are you saying the whole town is made up of a gay population?"
"Gay and lesbian."
"I'm baffled, to say the least."
"That's not all."
"Please tell me more." Jeff said, extremely intrigued.
"We're all HIV positive. Most of us have full blown AIDS."
"Good Lord!" Jeff exclaimed. "Why have I never heard of this place?"
"We keep a very low profile and are very discreet. The population grows every year by word of mouth, but, unfortunately, we seem to bury more each year than we have new residents to replace them."
"I am stunned. I have no words. I thought Johnny kept track of all the hospices and AIDS establishments. I wonder if HE knows about this place."
"Don't be alarmed if he doesn't."
"How do you support yourselves? What do you do for medicine and doctors?"
"Most of us live on disability. Some families who don't want to care for their infected sons and daughters send donations as long as we will house their 'loved' ones. We have a town with a newspaper, such as it is, a pharmacy, a small department store, a barber shop, a grocery store...just the basic essentials that a person or persons need to go about what's left of their lives."
"Whoa! Whoa! What about the advancements in AIDS research we've made at the Cole Institute in Briarwood? Frank, AIDS is no longer incurable, it's treatable!"
"Father, do you think that the Cole Institute could take thirty-five hundred admissions all at once? I would think that we have almost as many admissions per year as the Institute does. Not all of us WANT to be treated and have to live the life of a leper as society still continues to reject us...our families, friends, employers...yes, there is still a stigma about our going to regular hospitals, hotels, restaurants, even funeral establishments. We're tired of being shunned. Here, we are self-contained in our own little world where everyone is accepted and everyone helps anyone who needs it in whatever way each or us can help. We have doctors, lawyers, authors, actors...most every aspect of the arts. The doctors treat us. The lawyers help get us our benefits. We get most of our meds by driving to Canada in a large van every month. It's cheaper to buy drugs there, just as the elderly are doing in other parts of the country... that is until we get an administration in office in Washington that once again cares about the non-rich."
Jeff's mouth was slightly open from astonishment. A whole town afflicted with this plague? Jeff had seen Johnny's statistics about the increase in HIV cases and how AIDS would affect fifty million people in three years and over one hundred million in five years. No Representative or Senator had ever been successful in procuring enough money and support to rid the world of this pestilence which could eradicate all mankind in the next decade. There was no need to appropriate more money for bombs and national defense because, the way AIDS was spreading, there would be no one alive for the bombs to kill! One defense contract to build weapons would gather more money in one month than all the money spent on AIDS research since AIDS was recognized in the early 1980's. The only AIDS contracts went to rich pharmaceutical companies who charged outrageous prices of those that needed the medicine and couldn't afford it. No wonder the Mackintosh residents had scurried to a haven of mass acceptance.
"Where does everyone live?"
"We have houses...sort of dorms. We build them ourselves...those of us that are able."
"How are you funded?"
"Ever heard of the Mackintosh Mills and Industry?"
"Yes, I have."
"Riley J. Mackintosh was the founder. He had two sons that died from AIDS. The third and youngest son left home because he was the sole heir and knew he was too ill to run the family business. When his father found out he had moved here, Mr. Mackintosh, invested several million dollars in his son's name in commodities such as soybeans, grain, corn, and so forth...safe and sure investments, and we used the profits each year to build the town... whatever was needed. Thus, we named the town after our benefactor. We have no use for a school. We only have one church...this one. I mean, the Anglican Church was practically the only one that didn't condemn us."
"And your priest...or should I say, your former priest?"
"We buried his ashes behind the church two months ago."
"AIDS?"
"Yes, Father."
"And you named your church after St. Aloysius?"
"Yes, the patron saint of AIDS patients."
"Now everything seems to be making sense. I wondered why, of all the more familiar saints, why this tiny church would be named after a saint not so well known and hardly recognized...My God! How wonderful!"
The hairs on the back of Jeff's neck lifted and chill bumps covered his body as if he had just experienced an epiphany.
"Listen, Father, if you have the time, would you like me to drive you around Mackintosh and let you meet a few of the residents? I don't suppose you have any qualms about meeting people with HIV?"
"Yes...I mean...yes, I would love to take a tour with you and 'no', I deal with AIDS patients every day of my life."
"Come on, then. We'll take my car. That way you can see everything without having to watch the road."
Jeff genuflected before the altar, crossed himself, and followed Frank out of the church to Frank's car. Jeff felt a warm glow in his chest, melting the chill bumps and investing him with the same sort of serenity he had first experienced when he met Father Cliff and Roger. Was this the divine intervention he had just prayed for? He was in awe of the mystery of this Shangri-La for the afflicted. Before he got into Frank's car, Jeff took one final look at the church. It wasn't old and quaint; he could see it was practically a new building. The whole town had been built in the past few years. It had been intentionally designed to look impervious to time.
The town was more like a village out of a Grimm's fairy tale with an almost German or Austrian flavor---brightly painted shutters and jutting eaves with small pointed gables...something that Walt Disney might have envisioned in Disney World. One would expect to see Gepetto carving Pinocchio if he glanced through a window. It was magical and mystical!
If the residents were ill, they didn't appear to be. The sidewalks were filled with both male and female couples going to the market and the stores just as if it were only a few days before Christmas in Santa's village.
Frank parked the car in the middle of the five-block area which comprised the metropolis of Mackintosh. Guys and gals waved cheerfully at Frank from across the street. Some were in wheelchairs, some with crutches or on walkers, and some looked as healthy as Olympic athletes. Everyone knew everybody. Everyone spoke to one another with friendship and cordial spirits and energy, with no sign of animosity from anyone.
"My Lord," Jeff thought, "does everyone get along this well with no enemies?" Of course they all had the same common enemy, but one would never know it to watch the townspeople. Jeff could not believe his eyes. He thought about the final scene of his and Johnny's favorite movie, "Longtime Companion", where in the imaginations of Campbell Scott and Mary Louise Parker, all their friends who had died of AIDS were once again united in joy and mirth, reveling over the cure of the blight which had taken their lives.
Those who spoke to Frank gave Jeff the once-over. Since Jeff wasn't wearing his clerical collar, maybe people thought he was a new resident-to-be, looking for a respite from his physical woes.
"Do you like ice cream?" Frank asked.
"What?...oh, sure! I love ice cream."
"We have an ice cream parlor."
"You're kidding!"
"No, one of our residents was in 'The Music Man' on Broadway and he wanted to recreate the parlor to look like the one in show."
Jeff had never seen "The Music Man" on stage, but as they entered, he did recognize the parlor from the movie. The one, here, looked just like it.
"I must warn you though, it's not real ice cream."
"Oh?"
"It's more like a health bar. They serve enriched frozen yogurt fortified with vitamins and minerals."
"That sounds good to me."
"You know, Father, you're younger than my prospectors described you to me."
"Oh?"
"Yes, and better looking,"
Jeff dropped his head a bit. He was no longer the "Father", Jeff was still a mischievous schoolboy in a grown up suit.
"Sorry, Father," Frank quickly added, seeing that Jeff looked somewhat embarrassed by his remark, "I wasn't hitting on you or making a pass. It's just that you are a handsome young man."
"Thanks." Jeff said quietly.
"Well, let's go inside and meet some of the townsfolk."
Jeff was a bit embarrassed as he walked inside the ice cream parlor. All the male heads, seated at the counter, the tables, and booths, all turned at the same time to give Jeff the once-over. Jeff felt as if he had just walked stark naked into a gay bar, except he wasn't getting the leers so much as he was receiving warm "hello" smiles. Jeff suddenly thought about Jay back home. Jay would have a field day getting this much attention from so many handsome young men.
Frank walked over to the counter and picked up a spoon from one of the young men and tapped it against the side of a water glass.
"Attention, guys and ladies!", Frank announced, even though there were no females in the room. "I can't introduce you all at once but I would like to meet a visitor I invited. His name is Jeff Clayton and I want all of you to make him feel welcome."
The crowd of guys sang out "Hi ya, Jeff", as if they had rehearsed it.
"Wait! Wait!" Frank screamed atop of their greeting. "I left out one word in my introduction. This is 'FATHER' Jeff Clayton."
The customers of the parlor hushed and became still, the smiles slipping from their faces, replaced by hopeful looks, like a yearling looking to his mother for food. The feeling of mirth had changed to reverence. Jeff could see that the happy faces were just a facade to hide the fear they all possessed. Most of them had resigned themselves to inevitable death but tried to ignore it for the sake of all the others.
Jeff knew he had to say something for the parlor was quiet as a church mouse's nest. He had made no decision about moving here, but he felt a strong yearning for hope from each of the faces. They were looking for someone to say that everything was going to be all right. Jeff remembered how scared he was when he delivered his first sermon at St. Genesius before a crowd of thousands. And yet he was more nervous before this group of less than twenty guys lacking the knowledge of what to say. He closed his eyes and silently said the Christian's shortest prayer, "Help! Amen".
"Guys, I want to thank Frank for inviting me to visit with you. I've been here less than two hours and already I feel at home around you. I don't know how many of you knew about my visit or why I was here. I'm very familiar with a gay community and I know how rumors abound when more than one of you get together." Everyone gave Jeff a politely responsive laugh. "It's difficult sometimes for me to keep my mouth shut at my home parish in Briarwood. I've always been known to speak my mind without always thinking what I should or shouldn't say, and, yes, I've suffered the consequences on many occasions for my openness. If you knew of my coming and knew anything about my background, you know that I work closely with the Cole Institute and Hospital in Briarwood, which has the most advanced research in HIV and AIDS. I've never suffered from that disease physically, but I worked with thousands who have. I've heard multitudes of stories...some horrifying and others sometimes quite amusing and I can relate to you on that level."
Jeff cleared his throat and continued. "I, probably as much as you, was astonished to learn about the genesis of Mackintosh. I am in awe of what you've accomplished. Very frankly, I didn't know ANYTHING about the residents here until Frank filled me in a few moments ago. I'll say to you what you've probably heard before...that AIDS is no long incurable. It is treatable and can stay in remission for a long time. Some of my closest friends have all but eradicated the virus from their system."
"And as for the real purpose of my visit. Frank wrote me a letter and asked me to come look at St. Aloysius and see if I might be interested in filling the vacancy left by your former priest. No one has actually asked me to take the job, nor have I given much thought as to whether I would be willing to leave my family, my hometown, my church, and my parishioners. I can only say this. On a first impression, I am willing to talk with Frank or whomever is in charge of hiring a new priest.
"I may as well be frank and say that I am gay, in case any of you have any wish to 'out' me." Everyone laughed again, a feeling of honesty and familiarity easing their thoughts. "I am very happily joined in a longtime companionship that even my church sanctioned, so any decision I make will have to be done by my friend, Johnny, and me. Many of you have or have had lovers and you know that the both of you make any drastic decisions together. Otherwise, I'll be the rector of a cathedral doghouse." Everyone smiled an understanding smile, but the look of pain and 'want' remained in their eyes. Jeff was moved...almost 'taken in' by the expression on the faces.
"Now I came in here for a yogurt milk shake and I'd best get it. I'll tell you what...since we're not in a gay bar...whoever heard of a gay ice cream parlor? You guys order whatever you like and the tab's on me!"
The group of guys burst into applause and whoops. Most of them that could reach Jeff came over and introduced themselves. They shook his hand...some even gave him a hug. Jeff's chest and heart was about to explode. He fought back tears. There, but for the grace of God...were Troy, Jay, Kyle, and Ryan, who were now all healthy and leading normal lives after their bouts with the giant killer.
Jeff was escorted by different groups of three or four guys the rest of the afternoon. He saw the town from top to bottom, and yes, there was a gay bar, complete with drag shows. Jeff had to laugh when he saw that they had built a mimicked version of a dirty bookstore with coin movie machines in the back and glory holes, which were sealed with see-through glass. There were signs over them saying, "Just look, but don't suck!". Jeff was captivated by all that he saw...all pluses and no negatives.
It was getting near suppertime and Frank asked Jeff to join him at his house for a bite to eat. Jeff accepted but was a bit reluctant because he knew that Frank was probably going to offer him the position. Jeff thought he would listen to the offer and give no answer, in spite of how tempted he was to say "yes". But Jeff knew, as he had said, this was a decision for him and Johnny to make together and there was no harm in hearing Frank's proposal. Then again, he was awfully young, and they might want an older and more experienced priest. Jeff knew that there was a whole herd of priests with the virus who would, in a minute; jump at the chance of being the minister of St. Aloysius'.
Frank took Jeff back to the church to get his car, after which Jeff followed him back to Frank's house.
Frank lived alone...well, not really, there were pictures of a handsome guy everywhere...the mantel, the piano, the TV, pictures of a man Jeff assumed was Frank's former 'other half'. The house practically screamed of memories of good times gone by.
Frank was aware that Jeff was noticing the pictures and said, "That's Jack. He was all that I lived for and I was all that he died for."
"He had the curse?"
"Yes, we fought it for years, but toward the end he had lost so much weight and was so weak from fighting the fight. He just kinda slipped away. His spirits remained high, though. Just a couple of days before he died, he looked in the mirror and saw how thin he had become and said, 'I'm melting', a la Margaret Hamilton."
"How long were you together?"
"Almost seven years. We both were HIV positive when we met. So we thought, 'what the hell?. We might as well join forces and live out our lives as regular men'. We went skiing in Vermont and he caught a cold, it went into the flu, finally pneumonia set in, and, well, Mother Nature made him pay the toll."
"I'm sorry to hear that, Frank."
"We were happy for the time we had together."
"How are you doing...count-wise?"
"I'm pretty stable. My t-cell count is fluctuating around the normal level."
"Keep eating broccoli."
"Pardon?"
"Broccoli. I have an 'adopted' brother who swears that the cure for HIV is eating broccoli three times a day and as in-between-meal snacks."
"I've never heard of that."
"He and his lover maintain normal test levels and have for years. Jay attributes it to broccoli."
"I hate the stuff."
"So do I. But it beats hours of chemo if it works for you."
"Thanks, just the same, but I'll pass for now."
"I just wanted to pass it on to you."
"Do you mind if I get serious for a minute?"
"Here it comes!" Jeff thought to himself.
"The guys here sorta 'took' to you instantly today..."
"Those that I met are a great bunch."
"I heard what you said about discussing a move with Johnny and I admire you for it. I would've done the same thing with Jack."
"I'm sure you would've."
"Father, I'll be honest with you. I know we could never compete with the salary you're getting now. The little town of Mackintosh could never offer you the things you're accustomed to in Briarwood. I also know that you have family and a large group of friends you'd have to leave. BUT, I WILL make an offer to you. I would love for you to consider becoming our town 'father'. I'm afraid the most we could afford to pay would be around $350 per week. That's not much compared to what you're getting at St. Genesius'. I'm sure."
Apparently, Frank didn't know about Jeff's inheritance from Roger's will. That was good. The offer was quite good to Jeff, considering it would be paying a first time rector of a church, with very little experience. Jeff had worked closely with Father Cliff in knowing how to operate a church on a budget. But that was never an easy task since, though the weekly income of St. Genesius was way up in the thousands per week, not to mention the escrow fund left by Roger, the enormous size of the church and it's congregation made for many additional problems.
"Three fifty per week sounds reasonable," Jeff replied. "The main drawback would be finding a job for Johnny. He'd never be happy being a stay-at-home house frau. He's very diligent and loves to work. As you know, he's the head of the clinic at the Institute. He finds housing and oversees all the case management of HIV and AIDS patients. Our network encompasses all 50 states."
"That might present a problem for someone as active as he," Frank said, ruefully.
"I would have to discuss it with him thoroughly. I would like him to visit Mackintosh and see if he could come up with some ideas as far as work is concerned, He's got an in-depth view of the crisis that's confronting the world. He needs to look into the situation of the move, and, as I said, my decision is only 50 per cent of the input."
"I understand that completely," Frank added, "I'm just wondering, if there were no 'Johnny', would the offer tempt you a bit?"
"I'd have to say 'yes' if I were single. Mackintosh and St. Aloysius present me with a challenge I've never faced before. I'd like to see if I could handle it."
"That gives me some ray of hope. But I won't set my expectations too high. I'm used to disappointments, so if yours and Johnny's answer is 'no', then it won't be too much of a letdown."
"I'll think it over this weekend and talk with my two dads and my best friend and mentor, Father Cliff and my second best friend who's been very influential in my avocation, 'Uncle' Cole."
"You don't mean Roger Cole, do you?"
"The one and the same."
"And Father Cliff, I have heard of him. His teachings are known throughout the world...also what he and Mr. Cole have done to combat HIV and AIDS. You don't mind if I ask is Father Cliff infected? Or Roger? Did either of them ever have HIV or AIDS?"
"Oh, no. Neither of them. They were, and Father Cliff and 'Uncle' Roger are still, negative."
"How did Father Cliff and your 'Uncle' Roger get so involved with you?"
"One, or rather two of his 'adopted' sons had it. Plus, two of my 'adopted' brothers did, too. So we've lived with the stigma for many years."
"Do you have any blood brothers or sisters?"
"Yes, one. Alex is his name. He and his lover live in L.A. Alex works as head of a crisis center and Ted, his better half, is a successful sports journalist for ESPN there."
"Good heavens! Is your whole family gay?"
"It looks that way. There's not a woman in any of my immediate family or my 'adopted' family. Father Cliff claims four 'adopted' sons. Two, Jay and Troy, live with him. The other two, Timmy and Rob, are both Tony winners on Broadway. Along with my real brother, Alex, my two 'adopted' brothers, Ryan and Kyle, live with my dad, Walter, and his lover, David. Ryan and Kyle legally adopted two kids seven years ago and that made my dad a grandfather. The four of them are ecstatic with their life together."
"God, that sounds wonderful. I almost feel guilty for offering you the job now. I'd have to pry you away from such a happy home life. Here at Mackintosh, we learn NOT to make families together or get too close to someone that you might lose tomorrow. If you take the position, you'll say a funeral mass almost as frequently as you would the regular Sunday mass."
"You have THAT many deaths here?"
"I'm afraid so."
"Geez," Jeff replied, again turning into the school boy, "We'd have to work on that and change that statistic. New ideas and new medicines, if the residents would be willing."
"I don't think it would take too much convincing...at least after the way they seemed to take to you this afternoon."
The rest of the evening was spent in cordial conversation between Jeff and Frank. They talked, laughed, and swapped stories. Jeff told Frank about the Timmy/Rob/Agnes business in New York. Frank's eyes widened as he heard about the serial killer. It seemed that every other phrase that Jeff uttered contained the name of Father Cliff. Frank began to understand how much Jeff loved Father Cliff and Roger and what a sacrifice it would be for Jeff to leave them and St. Genesius.
"It's ten o'clock, Father. Would you like to spend the night?"
"Thank you, but no. I'm afraid I'm involved in some kind of a lie. I've never lied to Johnny, but he doesn't know that I've come here. I need to head home and cover my tracks and decide what kind of reasoning to use in telling Johnny about Mackintosh and the possibility of moving here."
"In that case, I'll keep you in my prayers tonight."
"Thanks, Frank, I appreciate that. I'm gonna need a lot of help if I make the move. I suppose I'd better make a quick trip to the little boys' room before I start my drive home."
Jeff used the bathroom, washed his hands, came back in the living room to say goodbye to Frank. Jeff thanked him and shook his hand. He was not at all surprised when Frank suddenly embraced him and gave him a heartfelt hug. Jeff stood there for a moment, and then returned the hug. He wondered if this was the first time Frank had held anyone in his arms since Jack's death. When they broke free, Jeff kissed Frank on the cheek.
"I'll call you when and if Johnny decides to come here for a visit."
"We'll welcome him with open arms. Maybe even do a special show for him at the bar."
"Johnny'd get a big kick out of that."
The two of them said their goodbyes and Jeff got into his car to head toward Briarwood.
The long drive home seemed difficult for Jeff. It was as if he was leaving home to go home. That didn't make sense. How could you call a place home after only spending ten hours of your twenty-four years of life in the hamlet called Mackintosh? Jeff didn't want to have feelings left there...feelings he might never return to collect. If Johnny said, 'no', and the two of them made a logical conclusion, then Jeff would never go back. It would be too painful to say goodbye to the villagers next time.
It was late in the afternoon when Jeff drove into the Briarwood city limits. He drove to his house and saw that Johnny was home early. Jeff would be glad to see him, but he was too tired from driving all night to confront Johnny with Frank's proposal. Jeff wanted to just go to bed and approach the subject the next morning with a rested mind. He was afraid of what he might say that might spoil any sales pitch he might make to his lover. He pulled his car into the driveway. Johnny must've been expecting him or looking for him because Johnny was waiting for him at the open door of the house.
"Hi, babe!" Johnny called out to Jeff who was getting out of his car.
"Hi, babe, yourself!" Jeff answered while getting his travel kit out of the back seat. Jeff then hurried into Johnny's open arms.
"God, I missed you." Johnny said, giving Jeff a hug and a sloppy wet kiss.
"Not half as much as I missed you!" Jeff replied.
"How was the wedding?"
"Oh, gee, let's not talk about that now. My head is spinning from an all night drive. I'll tell you all about it in the morning so don't ask any questions because I don't want to leave out any of the details."
"All right, I promise. The main thing is that you're back here in my arms. That's the most important detail for me."
"Thanks, baby! Oh, God, how I love you!" Jeff said, kissing Johnny again.
"I'll bet it's the same much that I love you."
"I'll take that bet." Jeff pulled his face back and left his arms still clasped behind Johnny's neck. "So what do we do now? Take out our dicks and compare to see whose is the longest." Jeff smiled.
"It's all right. I know how long your dick is."
"Oh, and how long is it?"
"Just the perfect size for me." Johnny retorted with a small peck on Jeff's lips. "You hungry?"
"Famished. I had a large but healthy supper last night and I stopped several times for gas on the way home and took time only to drink coffee. I haven't had a bite of solid food all day."
"What would you like? Meat? Potatoes? Tossed salad."
"I'll start with the salad and then the potatoes. I'll have the meat when I've rested."
"You clown! I wasn't talking about THAT meat!"
"I know. I just wanted to give you a rise and see if I still was attractive to you."
"You'll do, for a humble parson, Padre. At least on my meager salary."
"Now, now, money is one thing we never talk about."
"I was kidding and you know it. I'm making more money now than I ever dreamed of having."
This was true. Johnny was making big bucks thanks to Roger. Johnny's job now paid a nice six figure annual income. Jeff wondered how Johnny would feel if he were making $350 dollars per week in a small town he'd never heard of. Heck, that was what they had offered Jeff in Mackintosh. There was no telling what Johnny would be doing and for so little money. The thought made Jeff cringe inwardly, wondering how to broach the proposal. Then, too, there was the one and only secret that Jeff had ever kept from Johnny---Johnny didn't know the exact amount of how much money Jeff had in the bank, money given to him by Roger. The two of them had never needed money and there had never been any reason for him and Johnny to talk about it. The two of them were in love and they would've lived on welfare checks and food stamps, just to stay together. But that was seven, nearly eight years ago, before Johnny assumed the position he now held at the Institute.
Money was not the problem. The problem now was to tell Johnny that they were actually multimillionaires and never had to worry about money for the rest of their lives. PLUS, there was Mackintosh and St. Aloysius to think about and trying to persuade Johnny to give up his title and big salary for a dream that only Jeff had for the moment.
"How're Dad and Daddy Dave?"
"Fine. Kyle and Ryan went to some kind of festival and asked your dads to keep the kids. Walter and David were in seventh heaven playing nursemaid."
"Are you dropping that hint back to me again?" Jeff asked.
"No, but the day may arise when you want to have kids with me."
"I would, but like I've told you before, I don't know if I could share your love with anyone but me...not even a kid."
"Shut up, mon pere, and let's go eat." Johnny said, playfully putting Jeff's head into a hammerlock. "You wanna go shave and shower while I cook?"
"Are you saying I stink?"
"Lover, I've had you sweating more at nights than you've sweated today and anyway, your odor always turns me on."
"I wish I could say the same about you," Jeff said sternly before breaking into his huge laugh.
"You're gonna pay for that remark, Father! You won't know the time or the date, but you're gonna pay."
"Gee, Rhett," Jeff imitated Scarlett O'Hara, "not tonight. I'm just too tired to let you ravage my lily-white skin tonight. Maybe tomorrow...Yes! I'll think about that tomorrow. What do you say?"
"What do I say, Scarlett?" Johnny said in his best Clark Gable voice, "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a rat's ass! Now go shower!!!"
They kissed once more and Jeff went upstairs and undressed. Never had a hot shower felt so good, Jeff thought as he turned on the pulsating showerhead. He let the water pound on his tense neck and shoulder muscles, tired and tense from the long drive. Jeff dropped his head and stood there for several minutes, trying to relax. Yes, he loved Johnny more than life...more than his dad, his brother, and even Father Cliff and Roger. Jeff knew that he and Johnny were so fortunate to have everything. Life was easy. Why fuck it up with a town filled with people with problems? But then, that's what he and Johnny did in Briarwood. Johnny had to meet AIDS patients all day and cope with potential teen suicide victims. Jeff on the other hand listened daily to confessions and learned about all the problems that affected his parishioners and their families. In the long run, it would be a matter of exchanging problems for other problems if they moved. He and Johnny wouldn't have the luxury of the semi-mansion they now resided in, but Johnny didn't come from a rich family and he had grown up with a lower middle class neighborhood and school. Johnny would probably acclimate himself to a lower stature more easily than Jeff would. Jeff had never had a paper route, never sacked groceries at the supermarket, pumped gas at the filling station, washed store windows, swept people's floors, mowed their lawns, or worked at a fast-food counter. All of which Johnny had, being almost poor. It would be a test of true love to see if Johnny would go back to that level. But that was stupid when his husband/lover/soulmate had millions in the bank.
Jeff let these spinning thoughts go down the drain with the shower water, at least for tonight. Jeff stepped out of the bath, toweled off and walked bare-assed to the bedroom for clean underwear, robe, and slippers. When he was dressed he went downstairs into the kitchen where Johnny had prepared a prime rib, baked potatoes, steamed broccoli, and a tossed salad.
"How did you fix all this food, this quick? Good Lord! How long was I in the shower?"
"I had everything a little more than half done before you got here. So it was just a matter of finishing everything I had started...but you did run the shower for almost an half hour. By the way, you DID pay the water bill this month, didn't you?" Johnny joked.
"Call my dad. He's my attorney and he pays all my bills." Jeff replied, joking back at Johnny.
"Whew! That's a relief! You might wanna tell your lawyer to increase your allowance." Johnny said, continuing this jovial playlet.
"For what, Gladys?" Jeff screeched.
"There's a ball coming up next month," Johnny said in a falsetto voice, "and I WOULD like to have a new gown."
"JESUS! It takes a lot of money to have a wife!!!"
"Who's the wife? Who? WHO?? And who's the husband?"
"You're my wife if you need a new ball gown. If you're NOT my wife, you can wear one of my Fruit-of-the-Loom nightshirts.
"Oh, masser, you are so cruel to me."
"Shut up or I'll beat you!!"
"Oh my! Those leather whips again!! My gracious! I'm getting hard just thinking about them!"
"Come here and let me feel," Jeff said pulling Johnny toward him. Jeff grabbed Johnny's crotch and gave it a squeeze. "I don't feel you getting hard. You sure you gotta dick?"
"Oh Lord, and the doctor said he was just gonna trim it a little!"
They couldn't keep this up. They burst into hysterical laughter with Johnny winding up on Jeff's lap and the two of them locked in a long passionate kiss. Seven, almost eight years, had passed and they were as much in love now as they had been then. Jeff thanked God in his nightly prayers for sending Johnny to him, back when he was debating at the high school over the acceptance of homosexuality with old parson Brindley. That seemed a hundred years ago. Reverend Brindley had died the year that Jeff graduated college. He had died without ever knowing the pleasure of a man's flesh. It was rumored that he'd suffered a stroke while pounding his lectern, preaching about the sinful ways of the Anglican Church.
The meal was delicious. Johnny had turned into a wonderful chef, thanks to a few lessons from Jay. Johnny poured two snifters of French Cognac and motioned for Jeff to join him on the upstairs veranda to watch the sunset. They drank, watched the moon rise. They held hands, kissed, and Johnny put his arm around his little priest until Jeff nodded off.
"Hey, buddy boy," Johnny said, waking him, "Let's go to bed where you're mine and all mine."
"OK," Jeff said, rather sleepy. "You gonna tell me a bedtime story?"
Jeff was glad that the day was over. He had many things...very IMPORTANT things to discuss with Johnny on the morrow.
Johnny untied Jeff's robe and removed his underwear, as a mother would do to her small son. Then Johnny undressed and joined to join his lover in a tender embrace...their naked bodies melting together as they always had. He kissed Jeff on the forehead and said, "Now go to sleep, little tiger."
"What about my story?" Jeff said in a babyish whine.
"Oh, all right." Johnny took a long pause and a deep breath before beginning, "Once upon a time there lived a very lonely boy named Holden Caulfield..."
<><><><><><><><> A few hours later...
"Hmmn? What's going on Johnny?"
"Sorry, babe, if I woke you. I left you a note."
"Oh, Jeez, what time is it?"
"Four A.M."
"Where are you going?"
"I got an emergency call from the clinic on my cell-phone."
"Anything wrong?...I mean there must be, for you to go to work this time of the morning."
"Yeah, kinda bad. Two of my out-clinic patients committed a double suicide and the staff is pretty shaken up about it."
"My God!" Jeff said. "You want me to come with you?"
"No, no. I want you to rest up. You must be still exhausted by your long drive." Johnny said, giving Jeff a kiss on the cheek and pulling the covers up around him.
"You know I'll come with you if you want me."
"I know. But dead is dead. There's not much I can do for them now except to give my crew some moral support."
"Did you know the two personally?"
"Yes, I interviewed and assessed them both at the time of their admission to the program."
"Did either of them have families?"
"I don't remember."
"If they did and if you reach their next of kin and you want me to come down to give them some words of solace, please call me and I'll be right down."
"I will, babe, but I think our grief counselors can handle it. Thank you, though. I just want you to rest. Maybe we can have a bite of lunch or something if you're free around noon or a little later."
"Sounds good. I want to talk with you anyway."
"What about?"
"No, no, It'll wait until lunch...after I get some more sleep and feel like talking."
"There's nothing wrong, is there?"
"Oh, no.
"All right, I gotta go." Johnny said as he bent over to kiss Jeff.
"I love you." Johnny whispered.
"And I love you back!" Jeff replied.
Jeff listened as Johnny went downstairs, out the front door, started his car and drove down the driveway.
The thought of having lunch with Johnny and bringing up the subject of Mackintosh awakened Jeff completely. Jeff knew how dedicated Johnny was to his work and his patients. Why else would Johnny have left before dawn to handle a situation that any of his entire staff was capable of handling? Jeff lay on his back and put his hands behind his head.
It isn't fair, Jeff thought, to ask Johnny to give up his work on a whim of moving to an AIDS fantasyland. Maybe the best thing to do was to forget the whole idea and never mention it. Johnny had no inkling of Jeff's visit to Mackintosh and if Jeff never told Johnny about it, then it would just remain secret. Johnny would never know the difference. But then, the faces of the village residents kept appearing in Jeff's memories.
"Those guys are not getting the proper medical treatment. It's like they've all chosen to live short lives and to try to maintain some form of happiness with their inevitable deaths facing them." Jeff pondered. "I feel I could do something MORE for them. There's a lot that Johnny could do for them."
Jeff had begun to cry without noticing it until he heard a tear plop on his pillowcase. He began a silent prayer.
"God, you gotta help me. You gotta show me the right thing to do. I mean, if You want me to stay here at Briarwood, You know I will. AND, if Your decision is for me to move to Mackintosh, then I'll go there, BUT, I won't go without Johnny, I just can't. I mean, it was You who brought us together and I think You meant it to be until death parted us. So I'm asking You for the right way to present it to him. I think he's gonna take some powerful convincing and I'm not sure if I'm up to that task. So I'm really asking for Your help...And oh, yes, Lord, please take the two souls of the guys who died tonight and grant them everlasting peace in your kingdom. They couldn't live in this world and I know they'll be better off in Yours. Bless them and comfort their families. In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit...Amen."
Jeff wiped the tears from his face and eyes, rolled over and went back to sleep.
<><><><><><><><><><>
Chris had finished the dishes while Ed sat in their den writing progress notes on several new patients at the Institute. Chris was rinsing the dish liquid off his hands when the telephone rang on the kitchen wall phone and Chris answered it.
"Hello?" Chris answered.
"Pardon me for calling so late, but I was wondering if I had reached the residence of Father Chris Curtis."
"Speaking. May I help you?"
"I realize you might not remember me, but I knew you once while you were a priest in Atlanta, Georgia. I...I used to help you deliver meals to indigent people."
"Andy?"
"Yes, Chris?"
"My God! How in the world are you?"
"I'm fine. It's been nearly eight years since we last talked."
"Good heavens! You were only sixteen back then and now you're..."
"Twenty-four and all grown up."
"I'm in Roanoke, Virginia on my way to New England and I wondered if it would be all right if I stopped by to see you?"
"Of course it's all right! I'd love to see you."
"Thanks, but before I do, would you mind if I ask a personal question?"
"Of course not! What is it?"
"Are you...? I mean, do you have...? Are you...involved with someone at the present time?"
"Yes, Andy, very much so..."
"I...I was afraid you might say that..."
"Why, for heaven's sake?"
"I was just hoping...I mean, the last time I saw you, I thought that you and I...I mean, we...oh hell, I don't know what I'm trying to say..."
"That's all right. We'll have a long talk once you get here. My...uh... partner and I have plenty of room, so I hope you'll consider staying with us while you're visiting Briarwood."
"Sure...I'd like that..."
<><><><><><><><><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood" -- BOOK FIVE -- "FATHER JEFF" -- chapter forty-four.)