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"BRIARWOOD"
Copyright Ritchris, 2005
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Copyright Ritchris, 2002
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
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BEGINNING OF BOOK FOUR
"FAR FROM THE CROWD"
Chapter Thirty-seven
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Time heals everything...
Tuesday...Thursday.
Time heals everything...
April...August.
If I'm patient, the break will mend
And one fine morning, the hurt will end.
So make the moments fly...
Autumn...Winter.
I'll forget you
By next year...some year.
Though it's hell that I'm going through,
Some...
Tuesday...Thursday...
April...August...
Autumn...Winter...
Next year...
Some year...
Time heals everything.
Time heals everything---
But loving you.
written for Bernadette Peters
by Jerry Herman
for the Broadway musical,
"Mack and Mabel"
copyright 1974
MANY MONTHS LATER...
Dr. Edward Middleton was in charge of developmental biological research at the new Cole Institute and Hospital. His background suited him admirably for the position. Ed, as he was known by his few close friends, had graduated from Emory University School of Medicine in Atlanta, managing to get a special arrangement to do his internship at the C.D.C. Next he did post-graduate work in the field of immunology at Mt. Sinai Hospital in New York, where he began his quest for an AIDS vaccine. He continued his studies in Paris, France, doing research at both the Pasteur Institute and the world-renowned Pitie-Salpetrier Medical Institute.
Destiny had changed the direction of Ed's career and his life. In high school, he was cock-of-the-walk...good-looking, virile, captain of the football team, while still being a straight-A student, and valedictorian of his class.. There just didn't seem to be enough of him to go around where girls were concerned. He could have his pick of any girl in any grade...and did. He went steady with over a dozen dolls, changing girls about every three months and, at the same time, managing to be unfaithful to the current one every chance he got. All he had to do was look at a girl twice and she was dropping her panties for him in the back seat of his CJ-7 Jeep. All the guys in his class envied him and all the girls dreamt about him as they jiggled their twats, masturbating nightly. He had more girls blowing him than Casey Jones whistle.
Ed had a brother, Royce (or Roy), who was two years younger. Roy was equally as good looking as Ed, but Roy seemed to attract more guys than gals. It was strange how similar the two brothers were in every way except sexual preference. Roy knew he was gay by the time he was thirteen and was letting boys go down on him at age fourteen. Ed knew about Roy and viewed his perverted shenanigans disapprovingly, but he tolerated them, if only to keep their parents from finding out about him. So for the few years the siblings shared at high school, Ed serviced all the girls and Roy took care of all the guys. The two of them often discussed their sexual experiences with each other and respected each other's likes and dislikes.
Ed had already set his goal on becoming a doctor when he was six or seven. When he became sexually active, he was so intrigued by the vagina, for clinical reasons as well as sexual ones, that he decided he would become a gynecologist, since he already knew so much about the subject. That was his intention until Roy was diagnosed HIV-positive at the age of sixteen. The suffering and torture that Roy went through, not to mention the embarrassment to his family, was the major factor in Ed's decision to go into AIDS research. He wanted to spend his entire life, if it took that long, to find a cure or a vaccine, to keep anyone else from suffering the way his kid brother did. When Roy's infection went into full blown AIDS, Ed was even more glad that he was straight and careful with his satisfying personal use of the female anatomy.
Roy only lived six months after AIDS set in. Ed sat by his bed day and night tending to Roy's every need. Many of Roy's gay friends came by to visit, some who were HIV-positive, others who weren't. As Roy's days drew to an end, Ed made many of Roy's friends, his own friends. Ed had never seen such devotion and camaraderie and was deeply moved, certainly not enough to become gay himself, but enough that his attitude toward gay life evolved to a more tolerant perspective. He knew that AIDS was not a gay disease, but when a gay became infected, more was made of it as far as gossip and rumors went. This narrow-minded viewpoint made Ed angry. He watched Roy diminish from 165 health pounds to a mere 89 pounds...too weak to get out of bed or even sit up for long periods of time. Knowing there was nothing he could do broke Ed's heart...at least for his brother...but in the future, he knew, more had to be done for all the other victims.
Ed was in Paris when he learned of the proposed Cole Research Hospital. He wanted to become a part of it. For one thing, he'd be back in the States and nearer to his parents, in addition to which he had learned of the unlimited funding for AIDS projects to be tapped at Cole. By way of the grapevine, he heard of Roger's wealth and Roger's desire to fund the research toward finding a cure. Ed HAD to meet Roger if he wanted to become part of the project.
When the hospital construction was almost finished, Ed phoned Roger from France to arrange an interview. Roger already knew about Ed's credentials; word about Ed's work at the Pasteur Institute had made its way back to this side of the Atlantic. If Ed hadn't called Roger first, Roger would probably have called Ed.
Ed arrived at the Briarwood airport a week later and took a cab immediately to St. Genesius' Church to meet with Roger. It was almost amazing how impressed each of them was with the other's looks and appearance. Ed expected Roger to be a man in his sixties with white hair and exhibiting an old woman's fussy traits...an old queen, in other words. Roger, on the other hand, found Ed's good looks and virility almost breathtaking, as any man, gay or straight, might have felt when meeting Ed for the first time.
During their phone conversation, Ed had made no mention of a wife, but surely there had to be one or at least one waiting in the wings, for no man who looked like Ed could be unattached..maybe a boyfriend? No way! Ed was a man's man, totally straight, which in its own sad way would be good for appearance sake at the hospital. It would be better if the staff was balanced between gays and straights. After all, AIDS knew no boundaries when it came to sex.
Father Chris had come by Roger's office to discuss a menu for the hospital's diet regimens. Roger had learned of Chris' expertise in running the Meal Buggy Buddies food program for indigents in Atlanta and Roger wanted to take advantage of Chris' talents in every possible way. Chris was going over a wide variety of nutritional programs with Roger when Roger's new secretary, came in to say that Dr. Middleton had arrived for his appointment. Roger asked that he be shown in. This was the first time Chris had gotten to see the proposed medical director of the new hospital. As soon as Ed entered, Chris gave him the once over...then the twice, and thrice over. Ed was even more dashing than Roger and Cliff had described him.
"Dr, Middleton?" Roger said, offering his hand to Ed.
"Yes, but I'd be obliged if you'd call me Ed."
"I will, if you'll dispense with the formalities totally, and call me Roger." They shook hands firmly and their hands seemed to maintain contact for a split second longer than necessary.
"Ed, this is one my associates, Father Chris Curtis. He's the assistant rector at St. Genesius and is supervising the menu-planning at the hospital."
"Father Chris, it's nice to meet you," Ed said, taking Chris's hand. Ed seemed to be taken by Chris as much as Chris was by Ed.
"As long as everyone is being informal, please call me Chris."
"Well, now that we're all on a first name basis, I suppose we can discuss why I'm here or would you rather wait until you two have finished your business?"
"No," Roger replied. "I'd like Chris to stay since it's possible that you two will be working together."
"That's fine!" said Ed.
"Might I be so impertinent as to ask is there a Mrs. Middleton?" Roger asked.
"No, I'm afraid I auditioned quite a few in my high school and college days, but my work became my mate. I could never find a wife who could fit on a glass slide under my microscope."
Roger and Chris laughed politely, though Roger hoped he had not pried too soon into Ed's personal life. On his part, Ed wasn't sure if Roger was fishing or what. It was no secret to anyone that Roger had a lover, Cliff, but surely Roger wasn't coming on to him, especially in the presence of Cliff's assistant? However, if any man could turn Ed on, it would have to be someone like Roger or even Chris for that matter. Ed knew that Anglican priests could marry and as Roger had been curious about him, Ed was also curious about Chris' 'married or partnered' status.
There was really no reason for Chris to remain for the rest of Ed's interview with Roger, but since he had no pressing matters at St. Genesius, Chris decided to stay a while longer. There had been no real person in Chris' life for a long time, even during his duties as assistant rector in Atlanta. Chris had had a couple of 'close-call' relationships, but nothing that even resembled a long-time relationship with anyone. He had felt a passion for a teen at his church, but that ended in a disaster which had caused Chris to make the decision to resign the priesthood and leave Atlanta as quietly as a thief in the night, searching for his life in parts unknown. Then he happened to drive through Briarwood and felt the need to stop and pray at St. Genesius where he had met Cliff who invited him home for dinner and to meet Roger, Jay, and Troy and, before that first night in Briarwood had ended, Chris had accepted the position as Cliff's assistant.
When Roger bought the Marsden mansion, the old church manse was left empty and after Chris' acceptance of Cliff's offer, Roger had had the old manse remodeled and redecorated into a more elaborate residence than Chris had ever occupied in his entire life. It was a rather large house for one person, but Chris enjoyed his privacy. His first Sunday serving mass with Cliff left Chris totally amazed at the mass of young gay men who were regular parishioners. A few had turned Chris' head and he found himself attracted momentarily to many of them, but was still uneasy about 'coming out' and inviting one of them to dinner or a movie date.
But suddenly, right before his eyes, Chris had seen the proposed new administrator of Roger's hospital, a man beside whom Chris would be working on a regular, almost daily basis, and Chris found himself being very attracted to this young doctor. Okay, so Ed didn't have a wife or have time for a wife, but that didn't necessarily mean Ed was gay or had a lover in some far-off or nearby city. That was one of the main reasons Chris decided to stay. Perhaps Ed would drop a few hints, or even a few hairpins, that would expose a part of his private life.
Roger, being the all-seeing, all-knowing young sage, immediately zeroed in on Chris' attraction to Ed. Roger could almost read Chris' mind and was sure it was bubbling with curiosity about his handsome interviewee. So, Roger slyly thought, he would help Chris out by homing in on the social world of young Dr. Ed Middleton.
For the first hour, Roger and Ed discussed the goals and philosophy of the new research center. Roger wanted to know about the medical advances that Ed had learned of in Paris, how far along was the cure or vaccine that everyone had been searching for since 1985? Ed's news was not that promising, but he tried to make it sound hopeful in spite of the staggering projected statistics that predicted that there would be over one hundred million cases of AIDS within ten years. The largest growth increases as per infected areas per capita at present were Africa and the West Indies. The greatest increase of infection-rate of the disease was in Russia and China, even though the Chinese government wouldn't release its statistics and all but denied the existence of AIDS as a recognized problem in its country. The most horrifying thought was, if the virus became rampant in India, where almost no one practiced safe sex, it would be disastrous with India's population reaching over one billion. In some parts of Africa, one out of every three adults was infected while in other African villages, the entire population, including adults AND children, had the deadly virus with absolutely no medication to combat it. These figures only suggested the bleakness of the next decade. Just imagine how horrific the state of the world would be in ten years if no cure or vaccine was found! People of the Judaeo-Christian faiths expected the second end of the world to be in a blaze of fire, not like Noah's flood, but no one could imagine that the end of civilization would be caused by a monkey virus. There was something ironic in that analogy. If man had descended from apes, then it might be only fitting that the ape would be man's ultimate destroyer. For almost two decades, doctors, scientists, even people in show business had been crying in the wilderness about the seriousness of the AIDS dilemma but their cries had fallen on deaf ears in Congress and with Presidents who wouldn't even utter the word, much less come to the aid of the world. Sure, we had wars to fight, terrorists to curtail and apprehend, borders to defend...and all the while, a tiny little virus was destroying the very world that we were trying to save and it was seemingly ignored, usually with monetary goals in mind. All the money in the world was spent for every purpose except to help eradicate this silent killer. The hair on the back of Chris' neck rose up in fright at the things Ed was telling him. There was no doubt in Roger's mind that Ed was the man to head the research department. Ed fully understood the desperation of the matter at hand and, with his resolute determination, he would find the cure, if anyone could.
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Six months later, the hospital completed. Roger asked President Bill Clinton and his wife, Hilary Clinton to come to the ceremony and cut the red ribbon, an opportunity they gladly accepted, being honored by the invitation. Many had laughed at the former First Lady's health plan, but, had it been adopted, much valuable time might have been saved on the "quest". The disease was the enemy but even more dangerous was the time lost for research, time that had to be made up somehow.
While the hospital was being erected, Jeff had been ordained to the title of 'Deacon' at St. Genesius, which meant he could perform most of the mass by himself, except for consecrating the bread and the wine, and he could assist Chris with communion at the congregation's 7:00 AM and 9:00 AM masses, leaving only the 11:00 AM mass for Cliff to celebrate with Jason and Tony. Jeff was no longer just the 'kid brother', he had matured into a fine-looking, well-read young man. His countenance had grown with his knowledge. He had assumed the role of Chris' assistant, conducting duties at the church, which gave Cliff more time to spend with Roger. Chris was splitting his time between St. Genesius and the Cole Hospital and Roger, though Roger's third always seemed to be smaller than the other shares.
Jeff liked making the rounds with Father Cliff and Father Chris, going from floor to floor, each filled with countless AIDS patients...men, women, teens, and children. AIDS had no respect for age or gender. After years of public education, family members and friends still treated their afflicted loved ones as if they had leprosy or even worse. Jeff would sometimes go into a patient's room to find the patient depressed or crying. Going to him and simply taking his hand, Jeff would instantly see a change in the patient's demeanor...sometimes it was only a smile, but Jeff knew that all the patient wanted was to be "touched" physically by another human being who wasn't afraid.
"Do you know how long it's been since someone offered his hand to me?" the patient would ask. "My own family won't visit me...and when they do, they manage to keep a distance between us."
"I have a pretty good idea," Jeff said. "Is there anything you want? Anything I can do for you?"
"I know it's horrible to ask you this...but would you hold me?...Just hold me?...It's been so long..."
"Of course I will," Jeff replied, sitting on the edge of the bed and pulling the patient toward him to embrace. The patient invariably grabbed Jeff and broke into tears.
This scene occurred time after time, room after room, as Jeff made his visits. He didn't want to compare himself to the Good Samaritan, but the picture kept recurring to him. Jesus and his disciples feared no disease or physical conditions and, if Jeff was to be a true representative of Christianity, he must behave the same as his Mentor.
Ed was in his office when he received a report that he had lost two more patients today. His anger got the best of him as he hurled his clipboard across the room, hitting a bookcase. "Goddammit!" he screamed, just as Chris was about to enter Ed's office.
"Wow!" Chris said. "Would you feel better if you took a swing at me?"
"No, Chris. I'm sorry you saw that display of rage." Ed forced himself to take a deep breath and count to ten. "It's just that sometimes I need to throw something to convince myself I'm only human...not a god. People die every day for many reasons, but every time I lose a patient, or in this case, two, I lose control sometimes."
Chris looked long and deeply at Ed. "When's the last time you had a day off?" Chris asked.
"Who knows? Tuesday? Thursday? April? August?" Ed replied.
"That's a line from a song." Chris said.
"I know. It just seemed apropos when you asked what you did." Ed explained.
"I didn't know you were a musical comedy buff." Chris said, curiosity getting its bid in.
"That's my only source of sanity. I've always loved musical theater. While I was studying in New York, I went to see every show that I could. You surprised me by catching those lyrics so quickly."
"My CD collection is where I lose myself when I've heard a day full of confessions. When I go home alone at night, my only companions are the stars of Broadway shows and I turn up the volume as loud as I can and sing along with Merman, Martin, Pinza, Drake, Raitt, and Broadway's reigning queen, Bernadette Peters."
"At least when you want your companion to be quiet, you can manage it with a remote control." Ed said.
"Ed, I hope you won't take this the wrong way, but I'm genuinely concerned about you."
"My work?"
"Oh, no. Roger and Cliff are totally pleased over the work you're doing at the center." Chris assured.
"Then, what?"
"You know the old adage, 'Physician, heal thyself', I'm sure, and I'm afraid, at the rate you're going, you're going to crash and burn."
"Then, 'Doctor' Father Chris, what is your diagnosis, prognosis, and remedy regimen?"
"Some socialization, perhaps." Chris said and then pointedly followed by saying, "Look, Ed, pardon my generic rhetoric, but let's quit the bullshitting and get unspoken things out in the open!"
"For example?"
"You know I'm a gay priest. I know that you're a doctor-slash-researcher and a hetero.. As long as we know there's no chance for a romantic involvement between the two of us, is there any reason why we two lonely professionals can't enjoy each other's company and go out to dinner or see a show or something? You know, in all the time you've been in Briarwood, you've never once been to my house, nor I, to yours. Have you ever been to Roger and Cliff's and met their 'adopted' boys?"
"Cliff and Roger adopted children?"
"In a manner of speaking. Their children were already adults when they were 'adopted'. First one, then along came another...soon there were six plus an outreach family conjoined by Walter Clayton, head of the hospital finance committee. Two of Roger and Cliff's 'sons' are very successful on Broadway. Did you see, 'Green Dolphin Street'?"
"Twice."
"Rob, the male lead, and Tim, the conductor, are among their children."
"Good God, Rob is tremendous! What a voice! He won the Tony for that role, didn't he?"
"It was a perfecta! Timmy won one, too. I've never met either of them, but I've talked with them long-distance from Cliff's house. I've practically worn out my CD original cast recording!" Chris said. proudly.
"Jesus! Neither Roger nor Cliff has ever mentioned them!"
"That reinforces the point I was trying to make. We both work for Roger, while I work for Cliff at the church. You and I work together in a very serious operation, both of us being highly-profiled, and we don't really know each other. I'm quite certain that neither of us has any designs on the other, but there's no reason why we can't be good friends. After all, we do share a common goal."
"Chris, may I tell you something personal?"
"Sure." Chris said, "Don't you think it's time we started trusting one another and sharing a few secrets?"
"I wish you could hear the words of praise the patients heap on you after you and Cliff visit them. I swear, sometimes I think that what you two say is better than any organic medicine we prescribe...and that little helper of yours, Jeff! For a kid his age, he's doing amazing work with the mood and spirits of these patients. They love to see him come to visit and they're sad when he leaves. He's like yours and Cliff's little "Mini-Me".
"He's Walter's youngest son."
"You're kidding? No wonder you have so many close-knit members in Roger and Cliff's 'family'!"
"Alex, Jeff's older brother, runs and operates the phone-crisis center with the assistance of four other sons...Jay, Troy, Kyle, and Ryan!"
"All gay, I suppose?" Ed asked, without thinking, "I didn't mean it that way. Hell, you know why I said it. I wouldn't be in my field of work if I didn't know about the love and the camaraderie that exists between gay guys...much more so than guys in the straight world. In college, I used to think how stupid it was for employers to ban gay workers...If they'd had any sense, the bosses would hire a whole gay work force and they'd find that their companies would run more smoothly and more efficiently just by the way gays work to help one another. Goddamn! The world still has a lot to learn."
"I understand from rumors I've heard that you found your avocation when your brother became ill with AIDS?" Chris said.
"Not immediately! At first I was angry that he was gay and had been careless enough to get infected, but then I realized that my lifestyle, even though the opposite of his, was equally dangerous. It could have been me in the sick bed, just as easily as my brother Roy. That was my first big lesson in learning about the REAL facts of life...and death."
"I won't overstep my boundaries, but if you're ever free on a Sunday morning, I'd love to have you come to one of the services at St. Genesius. I celebrate the first two masses at seven and nine while Cliff does the eleven o'clock service."
"I just might do that even though, and don't take offense, I'm NOT a believer. I'm a scientist and even though both of our occupations rely heavily on theories, I'm afraid more of mine have a chance to be proven. Science can't accept facts on sheer faith, whereas I have always thought that religion was based solely on faith...believing or trying to believe it was fact."
"'Touche'!" Chris said, "You've just dropped the gauntlet and I gladly pick it up and accept your challenge. I'm very open to listening to your facts and theories, if you'll give me the same opportunity?"
"I accept your dare and double-dare you."
"Done!" Chris said, shaking Ed's hand. "Now, how about dinner tonight?...Before you answer, let me tell you I don't kiss on the first date!"
"Whew! That's a relief?" Ed joked, smiling for the first time since the conversation had begun. Chris thought it was unfortunate that Ed couldn't find more things to amuse him, if only so he could show off the perfect teeth which matched his perfect face. "I didn't want to disappoint you when you found out I wasn't an easy lay!"
"I bet you could be...with the right partner. Some time if you're horny, come to the Sunday service and I can introduce you to no less than three dozen beautiful, single, unattached females whose crotches would moisten at the idea of having a date with you."
"I may just take you up on that!" Ed kidded.
"Now,...dinner?...Tonight?...You DO eat occasionally, don't you? Or does your staff throw bananas, grapes, and peanuts at you while you're here in your cage?"
"They used to, but the first time my secretary slipped on one of the banana peels and wrenched her back, I had the staff stop before I got sued for personal liability...YES! CHRIS! We can go to dinner tonight. I think I need a couple of stiff drinks...one for each of the patients I lost today."
"I could invite you to my house and prepare a home-cooked meal?"
"NOT on a first date. I don't want you wining and dining me so close to your boudoir. I might have too much to drink and invite YOU to bed...Shit! Why did I say that? I don't want that remark to give you any doubts about my heterosexuality."
"Ed, would you relax? I may be gay, but gays do not make a habit of trying to lure their straight friends into bed with them...and we're not rapists, either."
"Chris, I'm well educated in the behavior of gays. I've said 'no' to more guys than all the girls I said 'yes' to in my salad days. However, if I had my druthers, do you know of a quiet restaurant with great French cuisine?"
"Of course, and even if I didn't know of a good one, I could ask Roger to fly us to France for the evening just to get you away from the work-related stress you're under."
"Jesus! I can't believe this! I haven't been on a date in almost two years and when I finally get lucky, it's with a guy...and a priest to boot! How does it work when two guys go out together? Do I buy, or do you? Or do we go dutch?" Ed joked.
"Damn! If you're worried about the tab, maybe Roger isn't paying you enough. I'll have a talk with him tomorrow to see what we can do about raising your salary." Chris chided.
"Maybe you're the wrong person to say this to, Chris, but when I applied for this position, I would've worked for free...just for the opportunity to do all I can for the project."
"It's funny, but I knew that after ten minutes when you talked with Roger that first day. You're a rarity, Ed, and he's fortunate to have you working with him."
"I have to say you put me on the spot by delving into my lack of social life. Perhaps I should stand back and take an objective view of your life. Being frank, I can't understand why you live alone or why some nice young man hasn't nabbed you and locked you up in some ivory tower, like Rapunzel."
"I haven't met 'him' just yet. I guess you could say I won't until I can have the kind of relationship that Roger and Cliff have. They are like a paramecium...two protozoa combined to create one entity. I've never known that feeling, though I'd like to. I've never seen two people as close as Roger and Cliff."
"That's a feeling I've never known either and probably will ever know. I've never met the woman I could be that close to. The only person I've ever shared my life with was my younger brother, Roy, but he was like the anode and I the diode on one battery...totally opposite, but we needed each other to make things work out. I've never had a gay inclination but, if I had, it would have to be a clone of Roy."
"It seems we both have an overwhelming void in our lives. Who knows? If we become close friends, maybe we can help one another fill part of those voids." Chris said seriously.
"I'm glad you came by, Chris. I know it's wrong for me to try to live my life as a hermit, with no one to talk to or confide in."
"Are you aware you actually laughed a couple of times today?"
"Yes, I was aware. I have to be more careful when I'm with you. I don't want word to get around that I have an alter-ego who used to know how to have fun, to enjoy myself on occasion."
"Don't worry. I'm sworn by my vows to keep everything you say to me a secret."
"Oh, yeah. I almost forgot. You know you're the first priest, or man of God, I've ever talked to without losing my patience or temper at times. Usually, I find myself involved in some kind of argument with them over the body and the soul."
"Thanks for the warning. I promise never to bring up the topic during a discussion if we're to become good friends...Now, shall I pick you up around 7:30?..Here at the hospital or at your apartment?"
"My apartment. I want to go home, shower and scrub my body and mind so that I can be the simile of a pleasant dinner partner."
"Fine, I'll pick you up." Chris said, turning to leave.
"Chris?"
"Yes?"
"Thanks."
"It's not necessary to thank a friend for being a friend. It's an unspoken rule."
"I wouldn't know. I've never had a close friend."
"Not until now..." Chris said as he went out the door.
Ed felt more peaceful than he had for a long time. What was there about this man...this priest...that made him feel so comfortable? Ed vowed to do some off-duty private research to find the answer.
After Chris left Ed, he went back to his office at the hospital picked up the phone and dialed Cliff's number.
"Hello?"
"Roger?"
"Chris? Cliff and I were just talking about you."
"Oh?"
"Yes, we were wondering if you might come to dinner this Friday and act as a dinner date for Ed? I realize that's asking a lot of you since I have a pretty good idea how you feel about him and his...well. his being 'straight' and all..."
"Oh? And just how do you know how I feel about Ed?"
"Jesus Christ! Do I have to spell it out for you? Even Jeff has seen the way you look at Ed!"
"Damn! Am I that obvious? I hope to God Ed hasn't noticed!"
"And what if he has?"
"I...I just invited him out to dinner tonight! Oh, my God! Do you think I should call him and cancel?"
"Chris, Chris, Chris, calm down. You asked him to have dinner. You didn't ask him if you could HAVE him for dinner!" Roger joked. "Two people CAN eat together and drink together without making a commitment to one another."
"I'll have to put on my best poker face. Jesus! If he has any idea of what you just said..."
"The can I expect you to be his dinner partner this weekend at our house?"
"I'll let you know tomorrow after I see how tonight goes with him!"
"You know, you sound like a sixteen year old school boy going out on his first date."
"And that's exactly how I feel!"
"Then don't be nervous and remember, 'no kissing on the first date'!"
"Roger, would you mind asking Cliff whether I should wear my clerical collar or go informal?"
"Wait, Chris and I'll ask him!" Roger placed his hand over the speaker part of the phone so that Chris couldn't hear Roger's conversation with Cliff. Almost a full minute passed before Roger replied to Chris. "Chris?"
"Yes?"
"Cliff said to throw away your collar. Put on the tightest pair of pants you own...with NO underwear. Pad your crotch with a sock if you have to..."
"WHAT? ARE YOU SERIOUS?"
"No, I'm only kidding. But for God's sake, wear something relaxing and casual...After all, you DO want to catch a doctor, don't you? WAIT! Cliff is trying to say something to me...What, Cliff?...Cliff wants to know if you want him to light a candle and say a novena for your success?"
"Oh, GOD! Neither of you is helping! I'm practically a nervous wreck!"
"Chris, just go out and have a good time and make sure Ed has a good time. That's all you have to do. You're a helluva guy and Cliff and I both love you. We both just want to see you happy and we'd really like to see Ed happy...and if the two of you can be happy together...then Cliff and I will be happy that you both are happy!"
"I...I think I'm gonna be sick to my stomach!"
"Go pour yourself a stiff drink and CALL me when you get home! I don't care how late it is."
"I feel as if I should say, 'Yes, Dad' to you."
"Then, go ahead!"
"Yes...DAD!"
"Goodbye, Chris. Have a good time!"
"Yes, Dad!"
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Alex was looking over the log of last night's calls, seeing if each caller had received appropriate intervention. Ted was sitting in the chair on the other side of Alex's desk. He had a worried look that he was trying, unsuccessfully, to camouflage, but that was impossible. Alex knew his every mood and thought, especially when something was bothering Ted.
"OK, out with it!" Alex said, putting down the log book.
"Out with what?" Ted asked, too innocently.
"Whatever it is that's got you so antsy!"
"Why...nothing, babe!"
"Ted, don't try to fool me. What is it?"
"All right. There's something I've been wanting to talk to you about for days, but I couldn't find the right time to bring it up." Ted said.
"Look, big guy, if it concerns you, it concerns me as well. So what are WE worried about?"
"Alex, you know how much sports mean to me. They're my life. I just wish I'd had the talent to excel in one of them enough to turn pro and make a career of being an athlete."
"You think I don't know that, after all the years we've been best friends and lovers?" Alex said. "So what's up?"
"I just want to tell you something...something I've made no decision about...nor would I until I discussed it with you, because you're right! It concerns you, too."
"I'm waiting...quit hemming and hawing and just say it!"
"Alex, I've been offered a job in L.A. as a sports reporter. I'd have my own column in the newspaper...and the paper owns a TV station and I could do spot on-the-scene reports and interviews...but it would involve moving to the west coast."
"Whoa! Whoa! Whoa! Hold on, babe! When did all this take place? Why haven't you said a word about it to me?" Alex asked, his total surprise evident in his voice and his face.
"I've been keeping in touch with them by phone and I've faxed them several of my articles. I didn't think I stood a chance and certainly never thought anything would come of it, but one thing led to other things, and then suddenly from out of the blue, I got this fantastic job offer." Ted explained.
"But...what about us?" Alex asked with puzzlement.
"I was hoping that maybe you might come with me and you might live my life with me for a while."
"And what's that supposed to mean...'live your life for a while'?"
"Alex, you know I'm not hell-bent on this hospital job! It's your life. It's what you want and I've just sort of gone along because I love you. But this job in L.A. is something I really want. It's a big opportunity for me to use some of my talents. I know that we love each other and that we plan to spend our lives together. I know you've said that what's yours is mine and vice-versa, but, honestly, babe, I could never feel that the millions that Roger gave you, or any part of it, rightfully, belongs to me. Some day, maybe my dad will leave me an inheritance, but right now, I can't take any pride in the money...I don't deserve it the way you do. I don't do much work at the center and I've just become sort of a 'house-husband' for you. We love each other, I love doing things for you, and God knows we're great together in bed, but it's not what I've always wanted. I was just hoping you'd see things my way and give me a chance to make something of my life...something I enjoy doing."
"Damn, Ted! This is all so sudden. I don't know what to say." Alex said. "Of course, I want you to be happy and I want to be happy with you, but my happiness revolves around you. YOU'RE my life. the same as I think I'm yours. There's too much work that needs to be done at the crisis center for me to just pack up and leave it, almost on a moment's notice...When are you thinking about leaving anyway?"
"Next week, if possible. But that doesn't give you much time to make a decision about coming with me." Ted said.
"And what happens to us if I decide not to go?"
"I don't know and it scares the hell out of me."
"You think you're scared? I'm beside myself just thinking about it!"
"Let's not talk about it anymore today. Wait forty-eight hours to think it through and then we'll have a long talk and try to come to some kind of solution, or an agreement, anyway."
Alex didn't say anything. He avoided Ted's eyes, but just before leaving, Ted leaned over, kissed his life-long lover on the cheek and said. "No matter what you decide...know this, you are the love of my life." Ted went out the door to visit his parents and tell them about his decision, leaving Alex with his disturbed thoughts and situation.
"I love my job," Alex said to himself. "I love my clients...these people need me...and I need them."
Suddenly in his thoughts, he remembered his late mother when she had rocked him and sang to him as a baby...and later when she sang the same song while rocking his younger brother, Jeff. "People. People who need people are the luckiest people in the world."
The tune and the lyrics kept going over and over in his head, even after his shift was over and he got into his car to head home. But this time, he sang the entire song driving homeward and he remembered the last eight bars of his mom's lullaby..."With one person...one very special person, a feeling deep in your soul says you were half, now you're whole..."
It was at that moment Alex realized he didn't need forty-eight hours to arrive at his decision. As soon as he went into his house, he spoke to his dad, his 'step-dad', David, and Jeff, and told them he would join them for dinner as soon as he had showered.
Alex went upstairs, undressed, took a long shower, toweled off, put on a pair of briefs and went to his computer and punched up his word processor and proceeded to type a two page letter of resignation from his position at the crisis center. Alex had seen too much heartbreak and had learned how short love could sometimes last once you'd found your true soulmate. Too many of his friends, family members, clients, and acquaintances had sacrificed valuable time with their loved ones for jobs, money, or causes, and he would not repeat the wrong decisions he had seen them make. Ted was his life...be that life long or short, and nothing was as important to him as Ted. Alex longed to have the same kind of relationship that Cliff had with Roger and that was worth all the money in the world. Ted WAS his 'one very special person'. Ted made the 'half of him whole'. Alex didn't have to worry about work or money, thanks to Roger's gift, and he would do all that he could give Ted have a go at what he wanted in life.
Sure, he'd have to move. He'd miss his dad and Jeff, but he had to grow up and make a life of his own with his chosen partner, even if it had meant giving up Roger's money. Ted meant more to him than anything. He thanked God he'd come to realize it. Now he had to face his dad and Jeff with the news. He knew his decision would disappoint Father Cliff and Roger, but he was excited to see the look on Ted's face when he told him they were going to California together.
When Alex announced the news at dinner, Walter was shocked, as expected. But David looked pleased for Alex, not that he was glad to see him going, but for the fact that Alex had made his mind up how to live his life at such an early age, not going through the years of doubt he himself had experienced by getting married, not being man enough to accept his homosexuality. Jeff sat at the table silent and emotionless. He was going to lose his big brother...one half of his only immediate family since the death of their mother. Alex, looking at the lack of expression on Jeff's face, knew that he would have to help Jeff deal with this. The two brothers loved each other deeply in spite of the way they had always kidded and played pranks on one another. Alex hoped that, with Jeff's new maturity he would be able to understand and accept Alex's decision for the change.
There was really no discussion at the dinner table, everyone ate, quietly, each in the privacy of his own thoughts. They even forgot about the dessert that had been prepared. David cleared the dinner dishes from the table, putting the leftovers in the refrigerator and the dirty dishes in the dishwasher before joining Walter in the den to watch TV. Alex went upstairs to his room to get ready to drive to Ted's house and relate his decision, leaving Jeff sitting alone at the dining room table. Alex changed from the sweats he had donned when he got out of the shower to a pair of blue jeans and a polo shirt. He was in the process of pulling the shirt over his head when he looked up and saw that Jeff had quietly joined him in the bedroom.
There was an awkward moment of silence between them before Alex asked, "Do you have anything to say, bro?"
"Sure."
"Well, if you're angry, let me have it and let's get it out in the open and out of the way." Alex said to him, waiting for Jeff to start preaching.
"I only have one thing to say," Jeff replied. "You're doing the right thing."
Jeff's simple statement took Alex by surprise. He didn't respond to Jeff because he was waiting for 'the other shoe to drop'.
"Do you mean that, Jeff?"
"You're my brother, aren't you?...And we love each other, don't we?"
"Yes, but we seldom talk like this to each other. Go ahead and tell me how angry you are with me!"
"But I'm not!" Jeff tried to assure him. "I think I love Johnny as much as you and Ted love each other, and if things work out between Johnny and me, I'd go with him to Bangladesh or to skid row in New York. It wouldn't matter, as long as we were together. You and I both saw Dad waiting around for years for him and 'Uncle' Bruce to get together in some kind of permanent relationship... and it never happened. You also know how Mom and Dad pretended to be happy just for our sake, until she died. You also know how many years Father Cliff and Roger have had together. And then there's Troy and Jay...and Kyle and Ryan. Both couples live together, relishing every moment they have together because if Jay's or Kyle's t-cells were to suddenly drop to an abnormal level, their time would be cut shorter than they expect. The two of us have seen so much short-term happiness that never lasted and never had any guarantee of lasting, It's stupid to waste time and not enjoy every moment of happiness that you can. If Ted were to leave without you, both of you would be living incomplete lives...each of you would be miserable without the other...and without you, I'll be lonely and miserable, unless I can find a way to get Johnny to come live here in Briarwood. But you and I are brothers, not lovers, we aren't supposed to spend the rest of our lives trying to make each other happy. You're found your soulmate, you've found your true happiness with Ted and you two should be together no matter where fate takes you. If it took that to make Johnny happy, I'd give up every penny I have and follow him to the ends of the earth just to be with him. It's just that you're the first of us to leave. If it were me who was leaving, I'd expect you to give me your blessing as I'm giving you mine."
There wasn't a force in the world that could have stopped the flow of tears from Alex's eyes. 'Little Brother' had all of a sudden become 'Big Brother'. The words Jeff had just spoken could have come out of Father Cliff's mouth, word for word. Alex ran over and embraced Jeff and wept. They had never been as close as they were at this moment, not even when their mother had died and they had formed a mutual support. God! If Johnny knew what was best for him, with Jeff, he was destined to be the luckiest person in the world.
Neither Alex nor Jeff was aware of how long they stood in the middle of Alex's bedroom holding each other. They didn't want to let go and could have stayed in one another's arms forever. Alex knew that 'Father Jeff' was predestined for greatness. Jeff was another one of Roger and Father Cliff's miracles and anyone who came into Jeff's life, be it a friend, a patient, or a lover, would be touched forever.
Some time later, Alex drove over to Ted's house and told him his decision. It was a night for weeping, for Ted instantly broke into tears and the two of them went up to Ted's bedroom and made love with more meaning than ever before, since that first day, six years ago, when they'd learned to masturbate watching the porno video.
At Alex's house, Walter and David had gone to bed. Walter was crying over Alex's leaving. David held him, strong and tight, as no one had since Walter's wife had died. Walter had someone to comfort him now and he was more than glad that it was David who was there for him.
Jeff left the house shortly after Alex went to Ted's. Jeff went to Roger's hospital to do his nightly rounds. He went in to see an endstage AIDS patient who wasn't supposed to last the night through. It was an eighteen year old boy named Thad. Thad was cognizant but extremely weak. His vitals were low and he lay there crying, afraid, and alone as Jeff entered his room. Jeff immediately took Thad's hand to let him know that someone was there with him. Jeff had read Thad's chart, but even if he hadn't, Jeff knew it was only a matter of hours before Thad would die.
"Hi, big fella." Jeff said, squeezing Thad's hand.
"Hello, Father," Thad said, thinking that Jeff was a priest and was there to give him final unction.
Jeff didn't want to impersonate a priest, but at the same time, if pretending to be one made Thad rest easier, there was no harm in it.
"Anything I can get you or do for you?" Jeff asked him.
"Father, are you afraid of AIDS?"
"No, Thad."
"I know that my sheets and hospital gown are all sweaty, but would you mind holding me for just a little while?" Thad said, with a weak cry in his voice.
"I'll hold you as long as you like," Jeff said.
"It won't be long...just a little while," Thad repeated.
Jeff raised the sheet and saw Thad's frail body. He wouldn't have weighed eighty pounds with the perspiration included. Jeff slipped off his loafers and lay down in bed beside Thad. He was careful not to cause Thad any pain or discomfort. Once he was lying down, Thad slowly rolled over on his side to face Jeff and raised one scrawny weak arm to go around Jeff's body. When the two of them were in as comfortable position as possible, Thad nuzzled his head into Jeff's shoulder and, with the small amount of strength he'd held in reserve, cried tears into Jeff's armpit, dampening Jeff's shirt. Jeff lay still, letting Thad get whatever last joy he wanted just by being able to hold someone in his arms. Time was swift even though it ticked slowly. Jeff heard the last breath Thad took on this earth and pulled him close to his chest as the lifeforce left Thad's body. Jeff raised his hand and made the sign of the cross on Thad's pale forehead and then kissed it.
Jeff held Thad at least five minutes after he'd died before arising and going to the nurse's station to have her come down to the room with her stethoscope and clock the time of the death before calling the doctor to have Thad officially pronounced dead.
It was fortunate that Ed was on his dinner date with Chris, because hearing of a third death in one day would have been almost too much for him to accept. It could wait until tomorrow because the one thing that Ed needed most tonight was Chris' companionship. He just wasn't aware yet just how important this friendship would come to be for him. Ed was on the brink of changing his whole life.
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(to be continued in "Briarwood"--BOOK FOUR--chapter-thirty-eight)