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"BRIARWOOD"
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
with literary enhancement by
Les Martin
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BOOK THREE
"BRIARWOOD LOST"
Chapter Twenty-Seven
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"When you part from your friend, you
grieve not.
For that which you love most in him
may be clearer in his absence, as the
mountain to the climber is clearer from
the plain.
And let your best be for your friend.
If he must know the ebb of your tide,
let him know its flood also.
For what is your friend that you should
seek him with hours to kill?
Seek him always with hours to live.
For it is his to fill your need, but not
your emptiness.
And in sweetness of friendship, let there
be laughter, and sharing of pleasures.
For in the dew of little things, the heart
finds its morning and is refreshed.
Kahlil Gibran
"The Prophet" (1923)
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Jeff was the only member of the Clayton Clan who was looking forward to going to St. Genesius for Sunday's eleven o'clock mass. Walter looked upon going as a public relations gesture for his newest and biggest client, although Roger wouldn't be there himself, Roger's lover and heir apparent should get the same attention which Walter owed to Roger himself. Kyle had explained to Ryan the whole story concerning Jay, Lonnie, and the history that joined Kyle to them. Ryan was understanding as was expected and he thought it would be nice to expand the circle of friends with Cliff and the rest of his Briarwood Boys.
Going to high mass was foreign to the Clayton's and only Jeff tried to 'fit in' with the Anglican congregation by attempting to genuflect, kneel, or stand, mimicking what he saw everyone else doing. Walter, Alex, Ted, Ryan, and Kyle all remained seated throughout the service. When it came time for Cliff to invite his fold to come to the altar to receive communion, Jeff just assumed that that meant him as well. Jeff stood and Walter grabbed him by the belt in the back of his trousers and whispered, "Not now, Jeff. Communion is only for members of the parish". Jeff did not understand because Father Cliff had invited EVERYONE to partake and that should mean him, as well. Finally, Jeff relented while he watched all the members, including Earl, Earl's mother and two sisters as they went down the center aisle of the church to receive bread and wine.
Alex thought the service was like something out of a Hollywood religious movie with the chimes, the choir in the loft in back of the church singing echoes after Father Cliff's monotone 'solos'. Alex was pleased and grateful when Cliff's sermon only lasted five minutes and not once did Cliff pound the lectern and scare everyone out of his wits with a message about the horrors of hell, nor did Cliff warn anyone about their daily deeds and misdeeds which endangered everyone's afterlife. All in all, Alex was fairly pleased with the mass, for, come to think of it, Cliff hadn't mentioned heaven OR hell in his sermon. Alex concluded if someone, including himself, HAD to go to church, this was one of the better ones to attend.
The thing which impressed Alex, Ted, Ryan, and Kyle most was the astounding number of young gay men in attendance. Even those who weren't gay seemed friendly to those who were. One thing Cliff mentioned in his lesson was that it was important in life for everyone to accept his fellow man as he was and not merely the way other's expected him to be. Alex liked that bit of philosophy. He would probably had enjoyed the service much more if it weren't for the pain he was experiencing after having anal sex the night before with Ted for the very first time.
Saturday night Alex had promised he was willing to try 'going all the way' with Ted, only if Ted promised to go slow and be gentle. As a foreplay, in preparation for their 'first time', Ted did his best to relax Alex by telling him jokes and giving Alex a long deep massage on his back and legs. Alex didn't fear the impending pain as much as he dreaded that anal sex might be messy and, in the long run, become disgusting and repulsive. However, the thought of having Ted deep inside him was worth a small sacrifice if they were ever going to consummate their union. Alex had read enough about it to know that it was the natural thing for male couples to indulge in intercourse.
Ted had given Alex his word that Alex could reciprocate the action immediately after, or after he had had a chance to rest. However, that didn't lessen the embarrassing idea of feeling like a virgin bride on her wedding night. He wanted to please Ted so very much. Still, he remembered reading in an anatomy book in the high school library that a vagina was much larger than a male anus, which meant a woman would have less difficulty and would experience less pain than a gay man on HIS consummation night. His second thought was if a woman had to take it up the ass the first time, there might be more female virgins and a lot fewer weddings!
The final thought which made Alex want to give himself to Ted was that Alex knew that Jeff already had been screwing Earl Freeman for weeks! An older brother is supposed to be more experienced in the coming-of-age steps than his sixteen year old younger brother. This was all a little humiliating to Alex. He not only had to catch up with his brother's advanced sexuality, but Alex somehow needed to find a way to surpass Jeff's knowledge. Alex had no idea of how that could be possible unless he talked Ted into weird sex with chains and whips...but for now, THAT was out of the question!
And so Alex had managed to let Ted do it to him one time. When it came time for Alex to mount Ted, Alex became confused and nearly stopped when he noticed that Ted was actually enjoying the new sex act. Ted began pushing backward toward Alex's thrusts and kept crying, 'Harder! Harder! Deeper, Alex, deeper!"
In his mind, Alex knew he HAD to be hurting Ted. Ted had to be suffering severe pain, and yet Ted wanted MORE! Was Ted showing a sign of latent masochism Alex had never seen before? There was no way Ted could be enjoying the excruciating anguish as Alex was pounding inside him. Alex's second fear was that Ted might never want to go back to their usual oral sex! What if this became a nightly chore? How would Alex ever get used to it without putting a glitch in the nightly love making?
So Alex was relieved that he wasn't expected to follow the Anglican mass ritual of rising, kneeling, and sitting, as the congregation seemed to have done at least a dozen times during the service.
After the communion portion of the mass was finished and everyone returned to his pew. Jeff, once again, began sitting and standing on cue. While Jeff remained seated during the dispensing of the 'body' and 'blood' of Christ, Alex noticed Jeff eyeing the two young acolytes assisting Father Cliff. Even Helen Keller would have noticed Jeff's adoration of them. Alex would have bet one-hundred dollars that Jeff had become sexually aroused while looking enviously at Jason and Tony. Alex remembered his dad telling him the list of guests expected at the pool party after the service and Alex was sure that the two acolytes had been invited. Although he was not one to pray, Alex at least hoped that Jason and Tony were gay because, if Jeff should get either or both of them cornered in the swimming pool, Jeff could cause the party to turn into a minor fiasco. Jeff might have the two of them headed toward a tattoo parlor on Monday to get a Gay Pride rainbow etched on their arms. Alex briefly thanked God that Earl would be there to occupy most of Jeff's attention.
In Dr. Hughes' group sessions, Alex had learned from Kyle that Kyle had AIDS and, before moving in with them, Kyle made it clearly understood that every member of the Clayton household should be aware of all the precautions which should be taken. He wanted Jeff to know everything possible about the condition and learn not to be afraid of catching it as he might any other contagion. To reinforce Kyle's concern, Walter had had an open discussion about the 'do's' and 'don't's' while living with someone who was either HIV-positive or who had AIDS. Kyle also broke a confidence to them about his meeting with Jay and, on learning that Jay had the same affliction as he, wondering if Lonnie had given it to Jay as well.
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When the mass had ended, Cliff stood at the door of the church with his usual 'hello's', 'thanks for coming', 'I hope to see you next week', or 'I'll call you later in the week to discuss 'that' problem, you're having', after which it was time for the Briarwood Boys and the Clayton Clan to hop into their designated vehicles and head toward Cliff and Roger's estate for an afternoon swim and buffet. Alex and Ted drove the Mustang while Walter escorted Jeff and Earl in his Chrysler town car. Timmy and Rob rode together in Rob's Toyota and Cliff piled Jason and Tony into the backseat of Roger's Lexus.
Just like Noah's ark, everyone was paired with a partner except that Roger was not there to be with Cliff and Walter was solo due to Bruce's necessitated reunion with his wife, Jane, the result of her pregnancy. So Cliff and Walter could at least 'act' as a couple. That was actually a benefit since Walter and Cliff really needed more time to get to know one another since Walter had the final say concerning Roger's money and how it should be dispersed to Cliff, the Briarwood Boys, St. Genesius and about everything else that pertained to Roger's wishes.
The long drive from the gate of the former Marsden estate to the front door of the manse gave the Clayton Clan the same excited feeling one might get on entering Disney World in Orlando, Florida, when Sleeping Beauty's castle came into view.
Kitty Marsden had spared no expense when she designed and oversaw the construction on the sweeping acreage. In back of the mansion was the swimming pool...not just a normal kidney- shaped pool, but rather an Olympic size pool, even including both a three- and a ten-meter diving board. Approximately a hundred yards east of the pool was a hard surface tennis court. To the west was an enormous open green flatland which could double for field hockey as well as a playground for soccer or baseball.
Actually when she had these athletic venues constructed, she never had any intention of letting Kendall participate in team sports, but just having the arenas there increased the value of her property plus it elevated her stature with the fellow members of the Briarwood Country Club for the elite.
Ted, whose love for sports was second only to his love for Alex, was in total awe of the sports-minded layout of the estate. Jeff and Earl might well have believed they had entered Jurassic Park and expect to see Tyrannosaurus rex ready to leap out at them over the tall eucalyptus trees.
The driveway made a huge turn to the right just before approaching the house. Looking out their windows, the Claytons saw the small memorial garden which Kitty had set aside for Kendall's grave. For some unknown reason, Kitty hadn't placed Kendall's remains in a mausoleum. He had been buried in the ground, but Kitty had placed a six foot memorial monument of a shepherd, holding a lamb in his arms, just at the head of Kendall's grave.
Walter wasn't sure if any of his boys knew of Kendall or his tragic death, but it had made the headlines on the front page of the Briarwood News. Walter hadn't known Kitty Marsden personally, but her reputation had been known by all of Briarwood's prominent citizens, one of whom was Walter. When Roger had explained to Walter he had bought a huge estate, he hadn't mentioned Kitty's name and, upon learning that the property had once belonged to her, Walter didn't pry as to why she had decided to sell it. Walter had heard nothing about her financial difficulty, but it did seem rather unusual that Kitty would sell her property so quickly and leave her son's remains buried there.
Jay had rolled Troy in his wheelchair onto the veranda and the two of them were waiting there for their 'family' and the other guests to arrive. It seemed to take nearly fifteen minutes for everyone of the Briarwood Boys to meet the Clayton Clan with one exception, Kyle and Jay DID know one another. Everyone greeted the other with loud 'hello's' and 'so nice to meet you's', interspersed with both real and faux hugs.
Jay insisted that all the Claytons plus Tony and Jason come inside and allow him to give everyone the 'grand tour' of the domain. The front foyer led into a large anteroom which acted as a pivot to gain access to the rest of the house. The anteroom in turn led to a huge living room while on the left was an even larger den, behind which was another room Cliff used for his home office. The entry way toward the right opened up into a dining room with a extremely long dining table which could easily seat twenty people. Just beyond the dining room was a kitchen, bigger than most restaurant kitchens. As a selling point, Lance had told, or lied to, Roger that Kitty had had Martha Stewart, herself, fly down from New York to design it. The arches leading to the living and dining rooms were separated by an extraordinarily large winding staircase leading to five mammoth sized bedrooms on the floor above.
To Walter, all that was missing was Scarlett and Melanie traipsing down the stairs in hoop skirts. Little did he know---and would probably never learn---that Jay had dressed in drag one night in a red velvet gown, descending the staircase as if he (she) were looking for Rhett. On that particular occasion, Roger and Cliff had bent over double in laughter; Rob and Timmy had laughed so hard they were both rolling on the floor..
After Jay finished his tour, he invited everyone into the den to sample his mint juleps. He had prepared non-alcoholic drinks for Jeff, Earl, Jason, and Tony. The VERY last thing Cliff needed was for someone in his congregation to learn he has served strong spirits to minors on Sunday when he had just filled their souls with the Holy Spirit!
On the speakers which were in every room of the house, Jay had chosen several CD's of John Williams playing old standards and Broadway show tunes.
After Jay had served the drinks, he went back into the kitchen, calling Rob and Timmy to come help bring out the trays of hors d'oeuvres. When the trays arrived, no one in the room, including Cliff, had any idea of the ingredients. Everyone was afraid to ask or else no one really cared to know. When Jay, Rob, and Timmy offered a tray to one of the guests, each person replied with, 'I...I'll have one of the gray ones', 'that pink one looks interesting'; or 'isn't that a nice shade of blue?'. Jay had made dozens in various colors, but strangely enough, despite the fact that no one knew what he was eating, everyone took 'seconds' and 'thirds' after downing the first. Although the flavors were unrecognizable, the food was delicious.
Jay's next order on the afternoon's agenda was a swim before the buffet was served. If no one had ever christened Jay with a pseudonym, 'master planner' would have been the best choice. Planning was, indeed, Jay's forté as he thought of EVERYTHING when it came to catering or throwing parties. He had less than a week to plan and prepare, but the outside decorations surrounding the pool and areas for sitting, as well as sunbathing, had been decorated with large magnolia branches filled with white fragrant blossoms. To protect his and Kyle's sensitivity, since the sun rays were a 'no-no' for people with HIV, Jay had rented a gazebo to shelter them as well as Troy, who was still wheelchair bound. Actually, Jay and Kyle looked healthier than anyone else at the gathering. The two were handsome, Kyle's masculine appearance more than complementing Jay's feminine pulchritude. Each could still have had successful modeling careers with the right connection.
Troy was wearing a Speedo which showed him to advantage. Because of his daily physical workout, he had built up his body muscles, especially his pectorals, biceps and triceps, which made him look like an Adonis or some other Greek god. Jay took great pride looking at Troy, while in the back of his mind he was always thinking, 'He's mine...ALL mine!"
In the 'good looks' department, either Alex or Ted could easily win a teen body builder's contest. Jeff was a younger image of Alex. As Walter, still carrying and enjoying his mint julep, sat down next to Cliff, he remarked to Cliff, "This is a fine array of masculine beauty you've assembled in your pool, Cliff."
"I was just wondering what Roger would say if he could see Jay's muscular 'decorations'. They seem to overshadow the magnolias, wouldn't you say?"
"I was just thinking, and wishing to myself at the same time, that this could be the beginning of a merger between our two families, Cliff."
"I don't see why it shouldn't be, Walter. You and I will be seeing a lot of each other since you're Roger's executor. I thank God in heaven that whatever large or slight rift that kept Jay and Kyle apart has disappeared forever. Each of them has someone to love now---someone who will love the other in return. Now both Jay and Kyle have someone to watch over them as well as having someone to look after. I find it wonderfully unusual that you and I have similar families, with the exception of you having two real sons of your own, but both of us have four boys each in our families."
"Do Rob and Timmy plan on staying indefinitely?" Walter asked.
"I hope so, while at the same time, I would like to see them, especially Rob, to pursue their careers in New York. Rob has so much talent, as does Timmy. Roger is a tremendous Broadway musical buff, as am I, and Roger thinks Rob has what it takes to become a Broadway star."
"What about Timmy?"
"Roger visualized Timmy conducting a Broadway pit orchestra for one of Rob's musicals. I would hate to see either of them leave us, but starring on Broadway is a much higher ambition than appearing in a local musical at the Briarwood Little Theatre."
"You and Roger will be able to sit back proudly and pop buttons, saying, "I knew them WHEN!"
"What about your boys, Walter? Have they said anything about their future plans?"
"Next to Alex, Ted loves sports more than anything...ALL sports, but he is a realist with a pragmatic opinion of himself. He realizes that he doesn't excel in playing any particular sport nearly as much as he loves to write about them. Although Ted hasn't told me or Bruce, his dad, I have a feeling Ted would like to be a sports journalist, either on TV or in print, writing for a newspaper or a magazine like Sports Illustrated."
"And do Alex's dreams fit in with Ted's love of sports?"
"Not unless he decides to become an athletic trainer or sports psychologist. Alex is undecided as to what he wants to do to make his living, but I honestly believe if money wasn't a problem for him, he'd become a social worker. If he and Ted hadn't fallen in love and become an inseparable couple, it wouldn't have surprised me if Alex joined the Peace Corps or joined some agency which would have sent him overseas to help indigent nations. Alex LOVES helping people...ALL people."
"You have reason to be very proud, Walter."
"I'm proud in many ways. Jeff is cantankerous, he loves to play pranks, but he's just as good-hearted as Alex. Neither of my sons...and I'll include Ted in that, have ever given me the slightest problem, especially after my wife died. I'm afraid I've not always been there for them as much as I should've, but they always know they can come to me with any problem, no matter the size. Alcohol and drugs don't interest them. I doubt if any of them have ever tried either. Alex is a careful driver. None has ever been in legal trouble or even close to it. They don't fight. We all share a mutual respect for each other. I love them and they love me. I guess that boils down our relationship."
"What about Jeff? Has he said anything about a chosen career?"
"Jeff? It depends on the day of the week. Often, I'm sure Jeff will become a promoter for women wrestlers, while at other times, I can see him being the head of a Salvation Army chapter doling out free meals for the homeless. A few Sundays ago, when he attended your church with Earl, I could almost swear he was ready to tell me he was going into the priesthood."
"You're kidding!"
"No, Jeff is very impressionable. Whenever he sees anyone doing good works, that person becomes Jeff's hero of the moment. On that particularly Sunday, YOU were his idol."
"Walter, would you like me to talk with Jeff, privately?"
"By all means! Maybe he'll tell you things he's beekeeping to himself from Alex, Ted, and me."
"Let me ask something, just between you and me..."
"What is it?"
"Suppose Jeff were to tell me he had a deep desire to go into the ministry or even the Anglican priesthood. How would you feel?"
"Are you asking if I'm prejudiced toward your religion? In no way. However, he's only sixteen and has yet to run the full gamut from becoming a fireman or a trapeze artist to..whatever. But if the priesthood is what he really wants, he'd get my wholehearted support...hopefully he'd get YOURS as well."
"You did imply that he was gay, didn't you?"
"Which day?" Walter joked. "I'm kidding. I don't think I've ever seen Jeff give any girl a second glance unless she weighed one-hundred-eighty pounds, fully muscled, and wearing a female wrestler's singlet. But when it comes to sex, I'm afraid Jeff is totally satisfied with Earl's anatomy and might be extremely disappointed with what's missing between a woman's legs."
"Jeff sounds like quite a character, Walter!"
"I hope you won't take this personally, but I presume that your church has no objection to a gay priest?"
"I'm living proof with one of the largest congregations in the diocese and I haven't been excommunicated yet."
"Well, that's one thing in Jeff's favor, IF he should decide to follow in your footsteps."
"I see your drink is empty. Let me get you another."
"Wait and I'll go with you." Walter rose and joined Cliff, walking back to the house.
In the meantime, Jay had planned ahead and had names posted on the dressing rooms around the pool. He showed everyone where they could change out of their street clothes into their bathing suits. Inside each room, Jay had stocked a rolling butler containing sunscreen, suntan oil, towels, tissues, tiny boxes to place jewelry and private possessions. He even had a cooler on the top shelf filled with ice, bottled water and soft drinks.
Cliff had put his foot down and all but threatened Jay's life when Jay suggested that he ought to include a supply of condoms and lubricants. After all, this was a 'family' swim party with kids, not a Sunday afternoon soirée like the ones Jay had often visited at the old Marlin Beach Hotel in Fort Lauderdale. Jay conceded and made the affair 'G' rated. Anyway, he was thrilled by the way the exterior decorations had been carried out. Jay was certain that if Adam had seen Eve in this setting, Adam's first words to his wife would have been, 'Wow! What a swell place to fuck!". Roger often said that Jay was perhaps the only living soul who could make Don Rickels blush!
The Clayton guests were pleased with the shirts Jay had placed in the dressing rooms for everyone to wear. Everyone joined in with Jay's festive decor and donned Hawaiian shirts with huge hibiscus blossoms printed on them.
While Cliff and Walter were inside, everyone paired off and began to apply lotions and oils to one another's back and parts he couldn't reach. Jay exited long enough to roll out the portable bar with potent (and 'impotent') potables decorated with fruit kabobs. Once everyone was greased and handed a drink, Jay took his place inside the shaded screened cabana with Kyle, leaving Ryan and Troy to get better acquainted at one of the umbrella tables. Rob and Timmy were sitting at the table next to theirs, sipping a tropical rum drink. Jeff, Earl, Jason, and Tony were already in the pool. Alex and Ted had positioned themselves down at the far end of the pool sitting on the edge while dangling their feet in the water. They weren't talking much, just looking moony-eyed at each other.
When Walter and Cliff returned and sat down in a double swing covered by a canvas canopy and carrying two fresh mint juleps, Walter continued their conversation.
"I was impressed by your words this morning." Walter said.
"Thanks. Would you believe, after all the sermons I've given since I was ordained, today was the first time I've ever gotten butterflies?"
"Why, for heaven's sake?"
"I'm not sure, Walter. Maybe not having Roger there. Or maybe I was just trying to make a good first impression on you and your boys."
"Then let me put you at ease by saying I was impressed and I think the boys were too, especially Jeff. Again, let me apologize if he disrupted your service or your concentration by not knowing when to stand or sit."
"Please don't apologize--there's no reason for it. I like it when people like Jeff get caught up in the moment and plunge ahead."
"He got that from his mother. She was very out-spoken and was always the first to stand up for a cause or to defend a person if it was needed."
"Do Jeff and Alex still miss her a lot?"
"Not as much as they used to. Fortunately, they allowed me to become both father and mother to them. As I said a few minutes earlier, they've never have ever had a problem they couldn't discuss with me comfortably. That is, until recently, when Alex tried to take his life just a few weeks ago."
"Why, for God's sake? He seems so mature and settled."
"I'm afraid he couldn't cope when he started questioning his sexual identity. That was the week before he and Ted formed their union."
"I trust now that all of his suicidal ideations have vanished?"
"Look at him sitting over there with Ted, the love of his life. I only hope that he and Ted will always be as happy as they are now."
"You or Ted's parents never had any diversity over their decision?"
"No way. As a matter of fact, Ted's father and I took the two of them on a camping trip just to see how serious they were about themselves and their chosen lifestyle, Once the two of us were convinced their relationship was for real, we gave them our blessing."
"My God, where did you learn your parenting skills? Skills like that the whole world needs to learn!"
"I know how I felt when I was his age. If my dad had been as tolerant to me, I never would have married. I would be living with my first love in a gay relationship."
"Are you referring to Ted's father?"
"Yes. Bruce was my first love...my only real love, But ever since we both married and had families, we've had to settle for a strained relationship, interspersed with loving each other from afar."
"I guess after your wife died you needed him more than ever."
"He'll never know how much. He was there for me. I needed him, but not in a physical way---at least, not then."
"And you said that he and his wife are about to have another baby?"
"Yes, I'm about to become an 'uncle' for the second time, but I'm afraid I'll be pushed farther into the background of Bruce's life. But that's O.K! That's as it should be. I'd probably do the same thing to him if I were about to become a new father."
"Pardon my being direct, but it sounds like you have a void in your life you need to fill. I can sympathize, because I do too until Roger finds what he's looking for and returns to me."
"I only met him a couple of times, but God! He seems like a wonderful person."
"He's my other lung every time I inhale. We're that close."
"But he must've had a good reason for leaving."
"That's what I've told myself. Roger wouldn't've left me for another person. Roger's trying to find God. I can be his lover and his life, but I can't be his God. If that's what he needs, I'm willing to wait for him."
"I'm afraid God was never that important to me," Walter said. "Today is the first time Jeff, Alex, or I have darkened a church doorway since my wife's funeral."
"You don't know God? Or do you feel you don't need Him?"
"I know I need God...for my sons' sake, if not for any other reason."
"But not for yourself?"
"Cliff, if I'd been raised in a church or with a family who shared even half the ideas you expressed in your sermon this morning, I'd be the first one in line to unlock the door every Sunday morning."
"Do you think you can't find God...or are you afraid to?"
"I DO know my boys need some spirituality in their lives."
Cliff looked directly at Walter and said, "I was asking about you."
Walter paused and his eyes filled with tears,
"Yes, Cliff, I need HIM too. I'm like Roger in that sense, I don't know where to start looking."
"Do you think I could help?"
"Before today, I would have said 'no'.
"And now?"
"You son-of-a-bitch, I've only known you for a week and already you've changed my life."
"For the better, I hope."
"I don't know. Everything I had in my life I felt sure of...my law practice, a nice home, two fantastic sons, a new son-in-law, and two more that I've taken in as 'adopted' sons. After listening to you this morning and letting your words sink in, I realized there is a big empty hole in my life! Is it God that I need to fill it...or another wife...lover...or just a friend?"
"I can't be God to you, anymore than I could for Roger. I can't be your wife or your lover, but I CAN be your friend."
"I knew you would say that...and I was hoping you would...Yes, I want you to be my friend. I think maybe you're what I've been missing."
"We could arrange to meet for dinner or a movie, or just go some place quiet and talk when you need it...or you could start meeting me at church on a regular or semi-regular basis."
"All of that! I'll do what I can to bring the boys with me to church, since there's no rules or dogma in your church to condemn them for what they've turned out to be."
"I hope you won't be offended, Walter, but I WILL pray for you."
"Thanks, Cliff."
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Jay and Kyle were sitting alone on chaise lounges in the shaded gazebo, sipping Long Island iced teas, They had become so familiar that they were almost like 'old friends'. They had many privately individual stories they could share about Lonnie, but who knew what would offend whom? So at present they each steered clear of that topic. Instead, they chose to converse about other common bonds they had.
"How are you feeling?" Kyle was the first to ask,
"Almost brand new. How about yourself?"
"I'm getting there. What was your last T-cell count?"
"Around 1250."
"Good God. From what I had heard, just before you came home, you were near death's door."
"I was--until I met Cliff, later, Roger, and last but not least, my love, Troy."
"Do you think it's the new meds the doctor has you on?"
"I don't know. Everyone here at the house says it's because of the broccoli diet I'm on....It could be a combination of both or it might be the company I live with. How about your count?"
"I guess I'm up to about 500 or 550 since the afternoon we had coffee, I got depressed a few weeks ago and tried something stupid. In retrospect, it's probably the thing that saved my life."
"What do you mean?"
"It's just funny how things work out for the best some time. If I hadn't wound up in the hospital and got forced into joining Dr. Hughes suicide group, I never would've met Alex, Ted, Jeff, Walter....and fallen in love with Ryan. I guess Walter is to me what Cliff is to you. He looks after me and Ryan both. We never want for anything. Of course, I still get my residual checks from the networks in New York. It gives me extra financial padding since Walter won't let me pay for food, utilities, or rent."
"That's the way it was with Cliff at first. Then Roger started dishing out money like he was Elizabeth Taylor or Rosie O'Donnell. It's only a shame that so many other stars didn't follow their suit. The last I heard, Elizabeth had raised over one-hundred millions dollars for AMFAR and Rosie, almost as much.!
"You gotta hand it to those two women, Jay. They made their millions and showed how great it was to spread their wealth among those who needed it."
"Yeah, Rosie has done more to promote equality for gays and lesbians than anyone in history."
"Of course, Elizabeth Taylor isn't lesbian, but I think she's done most of her work in honor of two of her best friends, Rock Hudson and Monty Clift."
"I can't help but wonder how much Roger has donated. He and Cliff are about my age, but somehow I look up to them as if they were my parents."
"How's Troy's rehab coming along?"
"Kyle, he's getting stronger every day. We kid the others that we're planning to be married. But only Roger takes us seriously---he says he'll pay for the wedding. But I hope you understand how I feel. When you've tested positive, you don't make any long-range plans or get involved with someone whom you might have to leave suddenly if you got sick enough to die...How about you and Ryan?...any wedding bells in the future?"
"I wish I could say 'yes', but, like you, being afflicted with AIDS, I know how much you must have gone through taking care of Lonnie and how devastated you must've been when he died. I don't want to wind up being a burden on Ryan."
"Have you attempted to have sex with Ryan yet?" Jay asked timidly.
"Nothing more than a few hugs, kisses and nightly jerk-off sessions to relieve any tension that might be building between us. I don't mean this to sound the wrong way, but can I ask how long you plan on staying with Cliff and Roger?"
"Oh, I don't know. I know I can't leave Cliff while Roger's gone. I also know that if and when Roger returns, he won't hear about my leaving. He looks on Troy and me as his sons, we're permanent fixtures around here. The estate IS big and he does need someone to help him take care of it. He's let me redecorate the house, both inside and out, until I almost feel it's MY home."
"If you should decide to leave, would Troy go with you?".
"I would like to believe so. Neither one of us has any money or income except disability and that doesn't go very far when you're living at the Ritz and suddenly have to settle for the YMCA."
"I know the feeling. I was living in a flop house until Walter refurbished a guest house for the two of us. Ryan's folks are one-hundred percent homophobic and won't even let him near his home any more. He has a so-so job at a CD store and, between us, we could manage to get our own place, but, hell, we've GOT our own place now, with a loving family to boot. Walter treats us just the same as if we were Alex's and Jeff's real brothers."
"Same here, I don't know if I want to grow up the second time and leave my new family."
"What's the story with Timmy and Rob?"
"Two more 'sons', just like Troy and me. Both come from intolerant families. Rob has the talent to make it big in New York...probably on Broadway, but he got into a messy divorce with some cunt who trapped him into marrying her...said she was pregnant until they got married and overnight the 'baby' disappeared."
"Shit! Was he straight before he married her?"
"Did you ever know a gay guy who WAS straight when he married a cooze? While we're talking 'girl talk', tell me about Walter."
"Both his sons are gay. He was, too, before he married his wife. His lover, Ted's dad, Bruce, was in the same boat...only he was on the port side. Walter's wife died several years ago...and Bruce's wife found out she was pregnant a couple of week's ago."
"So Walter's still IN the boat, only he's lost his first mate so to speak?"
"You got it! Walter hasn't 'let on', but Ryan and I both know he's lonely as hell."
"Do you think he's interested in Cliff?"
"Probably, for the time being. But I don't think he wants a sex partner. He just needs a friend,"
"If it's only friendship he wants, Cliff's the best friend he could ever have. I swear, some times when one of us is talking to Cliff, we expect to see his crown light up the way Roma Downey's, John Dye's or Della Reese's does on "Touched By An Angel". We all think of Cliff, and Roger, too, as our 'angels'."
"Then Walter and Cliff should get along just fine."
"I won't form an opinion unless I see something concrete building up in a relationship."
"Me, too, but I guess it wouldn't hurt for us to keep our eyes open, just in case."
"Kyle, I'm so glad we met. I hope we can be friends for a long time. Until the other day, I didn't think I ever wanted to meet you. I guess, for obvious reasons, a 'hate' had built up between us."
"I know. We're very much alike. We must be. We were both attracted to Lonnie, weren't we? Lonnie must have seen it too, by choosing both of us to be his lovers."
"Would you like another drink?"
"Why not? This is the first party I've been to in years."
<><><><><><><><><>
Rob and Timmy weren't embarrassed to show their affection to one another in front of the crowd. They had learned to be openly gay for the first time in their lives and it was wonderful. They had been great support for each other while each had gone through his own private scandal. Together with Cliff and Roger's encouragement, they had become brave in becoming one unit, despite all the odds of Timmy being a schoolteacher and Rob having a houseful of critical 'in-laws'.
"What would you say or do if I were to go to New York and audition for some shows? It's almost summer and all the fall shows will be casting." Rob asked,
"It would scare the hell out of me because I know, with your talent, you'd be wanted by several producers and they'd be fighting over you." Timmy replied.
"You wouldn't be jealous, would you?"
"Well, I've heard all about 'casting couches'...."
"That's in Hollywood. I don't know of anyone who ever had to earn a Broadway role in a bedroom!"
"That's not what I heard. You remember how the lead knight was cast in our favorite show?"
"That was just a rumor...Name me another instance."
"Well, if only THAT rumor is true, that's enough to worry me. I don't doubt your talent, it's your frigging good looks that concerns me."
"Timmy, you mean after all we've said to each other and all the things we've done, you wouldn't trust me to be faithful?"
"YOU, I trust. It's the producers and directors that I don't know that create a problem for me."
"Well, if I got a good part, would you come to New York and live with me? You know you could get teaching accreditation there easily."
"Yeah, but I'd be teaching all day and you'd be at the theatre every night. We'd never see each other."
"OK, What if I got a role in a musical and you got a job conducting, or playing in the pit? We could be together all day and all night."
"That's just a pipe dream to think that ever could happen."
"Don't ask me how he would do it, but I'll bet you my bottom dollar that if we wanted to work together, Roger would find a way. Did you ever see him fail at anything?"
"How about the present? Where is he now?...and why did he leave Cliff without saying a word?"
"That's different. Roger's looking for something for himself. He would never disappoint us if we asked him for something."
"I'd feel too guilty to ask Roger for anything else, after all he's given us."
"Timmy, you know Roger as well as I do. If he thought going to the moon would make us happy, he'd buy us tickets on the next rocket. I don't want to take advantage of him, but Roger's only happy when he's helping somebody else."
"I know that. But what if he doesn't return soon and you have to wait until all the good roles have been cast?"
"That's why I need you to trust me! I know I can succeed. I hear some producer is planning a revival of the musical 'Fanny' with that great Harold Rome operatic score. I'd give my left nut to play 'Marius' and get to sing 'Restless Heart' And what about the title song?."
"Yeah and a producer might require you to let him have your right nut and your cock to go with it, just to sing that song...and then where would I be?"
"In the pit conducting, giving me my cues with your baton. I know goddamned well nobody knows that show and can sing that score as well as I can. And I WOULD get to sing the title song, too."
"That was the role Horst Bucholz played in the movie, wasn't it? But it wasn't a musical."
"The music was used as underscoring, but the Broadway play is vastly superior to the film."
"If I DID move to New York with you, could you learn to survive on pizza and hot dogs?"
"I'd learn how to make an Alpo casserole if you were there with me!"
"Rob, I know that being on Broadway has always been your dream and if I stood in your way, you'd hate me forever...So I see I have no choice but to trust you."
"You will trust me once it sinks into your head that I DO love you and you're all I want for the rest of my life."
"I wonder how you'd feel if I had to walk the streets and turn tricks to pay the rent?"
"Shit, I don't want to live on Park Avenue. The kind of tricks you'd attract would put us on Beekman Place, but before I'd ever let you do that, we'd find a nice large Northern tissue box and live in an alley some place."
"I'll say 'yes' for now, but I hope Roger gets back before we have to make a final decision."
"Thank you, my love. You DO know that I DO love you, don't you?"
"And I must love you or I'm crazy in the head, one or the other."
*******----AND AT THE NEXT TABLE---
Due to Troy's physical therapy, he'd built his physique admirably. The sun had bleached his hair and his skin was turning bronze. Ryan had eyed him up and down, managing to stop each time at Troy's crotch. The bulge underneath that tiny yellow bikini left nothing to the imagination.
Muscles had always turned Ryan on. That's why he spent every lunch hour from the music store at the nearby gym, drinking protein shakes and lifting weights for a half hour daily. Ryan's shapely chassis was nothing to slough over. The two of them together looked like the cover of a Falcon Pac video... or two centerfolds in a Colt magazine.
"How are you feeling since you've begun walking again?" Ryan asked.
"I'm still wobbly...not quite ninety-percent, but I'm getting there. I have a lot that I owe to Jay's workouts and the help Cliff and Roger gave me after the wreck." Troy answered.
"Did you hit another car?"
"No, I swerved to keep from killing some little old lady I mistook for somebody else."
"I don't understand. If it had been the woman you thought it was, would you have hit her?"
"Dead on! I would've tried to knock her into the next county with my car."
"So what did you hit?"
"A very large tree."
"May I ask you something personal?"
"Sure."
"After you missed her and you started going toward the tree, did you try to hit the brakes?"
"I don't remember. Probably not."
"You mean you would have killed yourself?"
"I was in a desperate situation. Death would have been a relief."
"God damn!"
"Ryan, I was being blackmailed. The woman thought she owned me, like a slave! I would have done anything to get out of her clutches."
"Jesus! What happened? Where is she now?"
"She left town. I'm living now where I lived when she owned me."
"You don't mean THE Mrs. Marsden?"
"One and the same."
"Good God...and Roger and Cliff bought the place from her?"
"After some rigid negotiations. Roger bought it on the condition that I came with the house."
"You were part of a package deal?"
"So to speak. I was being "kept" by her...to do her little dastardly duties. To make a long story short, she not only lost me and her house, she lost her son as well."
"I remember that! Her son was killed in a car wreck! That was his grave we passed on the way up the driveway!"
"After he'd just left my bedside visiting me. I was staying with Cliff in the old manse the night Kendall came to see me to apologize for his mother's behavior. He left and fifteen minutes later he was dead. I had gone to church and met Cliff before MY accident and the night of MY wreck, he and Roger came to see me at the hospital. I was flat broke and Roger paid every dime of my hospital bill and moved me into a spare bedroom and got Jay to take care of me. Jay was down on his luck the same as I was. He was staying at the manse in another bedroom."
"Good Lord, you could put all of us together with our hard luck stories and someone could write an all-male soap opera! Only no one would believe it was true. All we're missing is a visit from an alien or something." Ryan joked. "Alex, Kyle, and I met at a session for suicide prevention. Kyle and Jay, both contracted AIDS from the same lover in New York. I don't know Rob and Timmy's stories but somehow I believe theirs must be similar to ours...and all of us got taken in by Good Samaritans! Shit, this plot just goes on and on."
Jay and Kyle had noticed Ryan and Troy laughing and were pleased that they were getting along so well.
"I guess we sorta attracted attention with my outburst," Ryan said, much more quietly.
"Looks like you made everyone laugh without hearing what you said,"
"Laughter is infectious when you need it. The other night, when Kyle and I delivered the letter to Cliff, I sensed an air of gloom hovering over everyone."
"Yeah. All of our heads have been dragging since Roger went away."
"What's the deal on his disappearance, if you know?"
"I know as little as you do. He just had to 'get away' for whatever reason. It must've been important for him to leave Cliff the way he did."
"Do you mind if I ask something on a personal level?"
"Go ahead. Just keep your voice down if you want an answer."
"How attached are you to Jay? Are you like...lovers or something?"
"As much as we can be, I guess. We've both expressed our love for each other, but Jay's sickness keeps him from committing himself totally to our relationship. I don't know if he's afraid I can't love him because he's 'positive' and I'm not. I don't know if he's afraid of getting real sick or even dying and leaving me alone the way Lonnie, his former lover, did. Jay is probably the most caring, the most wonderful person I've ever loved. I've told him over and over that his illness doesn't matter to me. I could have died in the car accident, the same as he could get acutely sick and die. There is no certainty about who's going to live longer, but we can't just stop living and loving while we sit around moaning and waiting to die. I'd love Jay if I knew we only had 24 hours left to be together, the same as if we had 24 years. Love is love. You don't put barriers or a time frame on it."
"You sound like one of Father Cliff's sermons might."
"If I do, it's only because Cliff and I feel the same way about love, relationships, and commitment."
"Father Cliff seems like a great guy. He must mean a lot to you."
"I wouldn't be alive if it weren't for him. I owe my life to him and to Roger. There's nothing I wouldn't do for either of them."
"I guess that's the way I feel about Walter."
"How about Kyle? Do you feel anything for him?"
"Again, it's like your situation with Jay. I'm in love with Kyle. But more, I wish he would LET me love him. But, like Jay, he's so afraid of getting sick and becoming a burden on me. He'd rather go off in some hole and live by himself and brood, waiting to die alone, leaving no memories or regrets."
"Have you told him how you feel?"
"Only about a hundred-thousand times."
"It sounds like the four of us should get together and have a big open talk. People with AIDS are conditioned to be shunned by their friends and families. It's hard for them to believe that someone could actually accept them and love them, no matter what. A few weeks ago, I didn't know if I'd ever walk again. I thought about the chance I'd be a burden on someone, and my first thoughts were of suicide...But Jay, Cliff, and Roger opened my eyes, showed me that someone could care for me...really CARE for me, not pity me...no matter how bad off I thought I was. I need to apply the same psychology to Jay as you do to Kyle. I've only known you guys about a week, but you two seem so suited for one another. There has to be a way to make it work if that's what you want."
"I think it is, Troy. I think I want to love him. I just wish there was some way to convince Kyle that I'm what HE wants."
"My turn to ask a personal question?"
"O.K."
"Have you two had sex? Or is you either of you afraid to have sex with the other?"
"We masturbate and kiss, but that's about all.:
"I assume you've been well versed on the theory of safe sex?"
"I've read enough to know to be careful and take precautions."
"That's all you have to do. It's O.K. to have oral or anal sex, as long as you're well protected. If you are, there's no reason why both of you couldn't enjoy it. It felt a little strange the first time I went down on Jay with him wearing a rubber. I knew if I was going to make our relationship work, it was MY problem, not his. So until I got used to it, I made a sort of game out of it and had Cliff buy me some flavored condoms. I wore one too, just to make everything stay on an even keel between Jay and me. Every night, we made a big deal out of who was going to taste like what flavor...cherry, orange, lime, or grape. Did you know they even make them bourbon and scotch flavored? You can almost get high going down!"
"I presume Jay bought the idea?"
"Totally...I'll tell you what. Before you go home tonight, I'll give you a full box and you can go home and experiment with Kyle. Who knows? Maybe a good fuck or blow job is just what he needs to find out he's in love with you!"
"It's worth a try. God, I hope we can become good friends and see each other from time to time."
"I don't think you have anything to worry about on that score. Cliff will see to it that we see each other...often. I think he's enjoying Wally's friendship and from what I see from this side of the pool, the feeling is mutual."
"Do you and Jay ever go out to eat or to a movie?"
"Not very often. Nearly everything in the world we could want is right here in this house. Roger has turned this into a Shangri La and seen to it that we have everything here already. He turned one of the parlors into a theatre with a full scope screen and a sound system you could probably hear at your house, if you wanted to. Jay plans all the menus and there's always a culinary delight on the table. There's no reason why you and Kyle couldn't come over once or twice a week or as often as you like. I think the four of us could hit it off just right. I don't mean to exclude Rob and Timmy, but they'd rather go into their bedroom and do things to each other than watch a movie, any night of the week. I know that Cliff would enjoy the company, especially if you brought Wally with you."
"Sitting here talking with you like this, you make it sound like all things are possible."
"The more you're around Cliff, you'll realize that all things are. He's like a saint on earth."
"Do you believe in God and in the church's teachings, Troy?"
"I had my doubts up until a few months ago...until I moved in here. But now, everywhere I turn in this house, I feel a presence I'd never felt before. I don't know whether it's God or not, but whatever it is, Cliff showed me how to feel it. Do you think you and Kyle will come back to Cliff's church?"
"I think so. I started to feel what you were talking about while Father Cliff gave his sermon this morning. I felt that what's missing in my life might be found in that church. A couple of times I sensed that Kyle was "moved" this morning. One time he even reached over and grabbed my hand without fear of consequence. It might've been my imagination, but I thought I saw the hairs on the back of his hand standing up. I don't know, maybe it was just an illusion, stemming from the way I was feeling."
"I know what you're talking about. Sometimes I can be talking to Cliff, even in the kitchen, about something as innocuous as a recipe Jay wants to fix for dinner...and then out of the blue, I get this tingling sensation and I feel the hair on the back of my neck spurring up and the only thing that had happened was that Cliff had just smiled at me. It's eerie, but there's some kind of energy that pours out of him when you're in his presence. No matter how troubled you are, just looking into Cliff's eyes gives you an assurance that everything's gonna be all right. When he speaks to you, you know that you're in the right place, you're safe, and that nothing wrong could ever happen. And if Cliff is only a follower of Christ, then the real messiah does exist,"
"Maybe I could get Cliff to sit down and have a private talk with Kyle."
"I think that could easily be arranged, Ryan, very easily. Cliff always seems to find the time for everyone who needs him.
<><><><><><><><>
Alex and Ted were talking at the far end of the pool. They hadn't openly discussed their 'advanced' sexual session from the night before.
"What did you think of the church service?" Alex asked Ted.
"It seemed like a lot of pomp and circumstance to me," Ted replied.
"It sure didn't feel like church, at least not the way I remember church."
"Do you think Daddy Walt is going to make a habit of going there?"
"I don't know, but I'm sure I don't need any kind of religion in my life," Alex said, almost boasting.
"Don't you believe in God?"
"I did until He took Mom away from us."
"Just saying that shows you still believe, otherwise you wouldn't blame Him for taking your mom away."
"I didn't mean to phrase it like that. I just don't believe, period! I only believe in the here and now...you...me...and the love we share between us."
"If you DID believe in God, do you think that you and I would go to hell for the things we do in bed?"
"Not according to what Father Cliff said this morning in his sermon or did you not get the same impression?"
"I heard him, I just wondered if you had caught on to what he was saying."
"Yeah, he painted a nice picture through his rose-colored glasses of how God could accept people for what they are because that's how He created US."
"And you don't want to believe that's possible?" Ted asked.
"No, only because I don't want to believe in anything."
"Just suppose I liked what Father Cliff said. Just suppose I wanted to start coming to St. Genesius' every Sunday. Would you come with me?"
"I'd come---to be with you...the same as if I'd go to a movie with you, but I wouldn't come with you to church to worship. Why? Do you believe in all that bullshit?"
"Yes, I do, and I don't think what he said was bullshit!" Ted said, raising his voice a little.
"Ted, I've known you and loved you all my life. We're practically Siamese twins joined at the heart. I can't see you fall for all that religious bunk."
"My life hasn't been as sad as yours, Alex. My mother didn't die the way yours did. I still have mine and she's about to give birth to my baby brother or baby sister. I believe that it IS God who gives life."
"And takes it away, too, I suppose?"
"Sometimes. We're ALL gonna die, Alex. You almost died last month when you took all those pills...but deep inside, I believe that God could've taken you then, but He didn't want to. He wanted you to keep on living, so that we could be together and so we could love each other. Don't you think it's a miracle that you're alive and here with me?"
"Not really, but I DO see how you could feel that way."
"You know, neither of us has said a word about last night," Alex said, changing the subject.
"What's there to talk about? We both finally did it, didn't we?"
"Did it leave you sore?"
"Just a little," Ted replied. "I have to be careful sitting down and I hope to God, they don't serve baked beans with the buffet."
"Why?"
"Because I feel that if I have to fart, the entire lining of my rectum will pop out!"
Alex laughed out loud! "I've been worried about the same thing!"
<><><><><><><><><><>
Despite Walter's misgivings, Jeff had managed to behave himself while swimming with Earl, Tony, and Jason. Jeff's family would have been astonished to know that Jeff hadn't mentioned anything pertaining to sex the whole time the four youngsters played in the water.
Soon everyone at the party heard Jay shouting, "Is everybody ready to eat?...I'm talking about the food I prepared, not the 'food' you're thinking about, you perverts!!"
There was a big laugh and a cheer as Jay raised the cover off the barbecue bin with enough food to feed the multitude of 5,000. All gathered around the tent housing the food, while Father Cliff offered 'thanks' and then made an announcement. "I hope everyone is having a good time. I thank God for bringing our two families together. Since I believe in Divine Intervention, I believe it was God who brought us all together. I hope this is just the beginning of many more good times that we can share with each other. Remember, each and every one of us is here FOR everyone else and I hope we can always feel free to call upon one another if we should need any kind of support. That's the purpose of a family. I hope everyone enjoys the food and stays as long as he likes. As you know, Sunday is a work day for me and I have to be back at the church by five for a short evening service. So I pray that you will all be here when I return. I'll make the gesture of saying anyone who will join me to go to Evening Vespers is more than welcome. Do I hear any takers?" Father Cliff asked as he looked around the crowd expecting no one to respond. Only one hand went up.
"I would, Father, I'd like to go with you." Jeff's voice sounded with happiness.
When everyone had eaten, Jeff went with Cliff to church, leaving Earl behind to play with Jason and Tony. Walter had a surprised expression on his face while Alex looked askance at his brother.
<><><><><><><><><><>
(To be continued in "Briarwood" BOOK THREE-"Briarwood Lost"-chapter twenty-eight)
Copyright Ritchris, 2005.