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"BRIARWOOD"
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
Revised Version
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
with literary enhancement by
Les Martin
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BOOK THREE
"BRIARWOOD LOST"
Chapter Twenty-Five
"As the days go by,
I keep thinking, 'when does it end?
Where's the day
I'll have started forgetting?'."
Stephen Sondheim
"Not a Day Goes By"
from "Merrily, We Roll Along"
Act II (1981)
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"Where in God's name can he be?"
A week had passed and still no word from Roger. Cliff had already gone through stages of shock, disbelief, fear, anger, grief and denial. It was time for acceptance but he was afraid there would never come a time when he could accept Roger's sudden disappearance. If Cliff had had a clue, a hint, a suggestion, or the slightest inkling that Roger would disappear--- but there had been none. That's why Cliff kept thinking that whatever caused Roger to vanish was no fault of Cliff's. Roger must've been kidnapped, or had a wreck, or got hit in the head and was suffering from amnesia. Any of these things would be easier to believe than that Roger left for no reason, without an explanation.
For Cliff, daily living became an endless wake, a funeral that would never take place because there was no corpse. The order of the day was incessant mourning, morning and night, day after day. So often Cliff had seen a movie, read a book, or watched a newscast where someone's child was missing or had been kidnapped, and the minute the family was notified of the child's death, the parents and loved ones were so relieved. In the past, he had always thought to himself "How can they feel relief?' But now, for the first time in his life, Cliff understood their sighs of relief at closure. It's not the dreaded 'knowns' that one fears, it's the unknown.
Cliff contacted John Walsh and asked if he would show Roger's picture on his 'Most Wanted' show. Surely someone across the continent must have seen him! Everyone at the large estate knew not to use the house phone--keep it clear just in case Roger called. The manse was filled with unhappy campers. Roger's disappearance had thrown a shadow on all rehabilitation and, oddly enough, on all sexual activities. Everyone in the house felt that they were doing Cliff a favor by abstaining from physical contact. Timmy had even stopped kissing Rob 'hello' when Rob returned from work in the evening. The happy, campy, gag-a-minute Jay had been replaced by a more subdued, serious Jay. Cliff wondered if this would put a quietus on Jay's remission and recovery. Troy had stopped exercising. He acted as if he didn't care if he got better or not. One of them should have taken a can of scarlet paint and painted a huge 'D' on the front door...'D' for depression. But that was futile since the door couldn't be seen from the road. If it were possible, Cliff would like to have filled a canister set with Prozac, Zoloft, Paxil, Efflexor, and Xanax and made it available to the entire household..
Timmy got the news he could return to his old teaching job with no questions asked. That, at least, was something to be grateful for. During Timmy's ordeal, Roger had been the sleuth providing all the data input. It was only days later that Cliff realized that Troy and Judge Wilkinson had the same last name. If that had been brought to anyone's attention, it could've created havoc in the community. But fortunately, no one put two plus two together. If he had, he would still have come up with zero because Troy and the Judge were not related.
Three days ago, Jay told Cliff he had received an unexpected phone call from a guy named Kyle, who also just happened to live in Briarwood, but lived on the opposite side of town. The irony of this communication was that Lonnie, Jay's lover who died from AIDS, had left Kyle for Jay. Lonnie had rendered both Jay and Kyle HIV positive. Kyle knew that Jay lived in Briarwood somewhere, and the man Kyle was staying with, Walter Clayton, had paid for some detective work to find Jay's whereabouts. Somehow Walter and Kyle were able to get a clue and finally tracked Jay down at the manse. Kyle wanted to meet with Jay for coffee and a chat. Jay asked Cliff if he thought it was a good idea and, without hesitation, Cliff replied, "Yes". Cliff felt that Jay and Kyle could talk and reach a closure in respect to Lonnie. That was the one thing Cliff longed for in his situation--the one thing he needed, but couldn't face---a future without Roger.
At first, Jay was leery of telling Troy about the proposed contact with Kyle since Jay and Troy had been almost inseparable since they had begun their affair. Jay wasn't sure if Troy would be jealous or if he might possibly read more into the 'meeting' than was meant to be. Jay didn't know Kyle. The two had glared knowingly at Lonnie's funeral but each refused to say a word to the other...not even, 'hello'. Only Lonnie had linked them together, so there was no reason for Troy to become suspicious or jealous.
Of course the church didn't know that Cliff was gay nor that Roger had been his lover. The congregation sloughed off their relationship as being merely housemates. Therefore, when Cliff was on the job, he had to maintain a cheery facade even though he was falling apart inside. Saturday afternoon confessions were almost a joy. Listening to everyone's sins and woes made Cliff feel he wasn't so bad off. Cliff was becoming almost sardonic. Someone would tell that they were contemplating divorce or their aunt in Houston had this terminal condition, and many times Cliff almost shouted, "Hooray! You're worse off then I am!" But Cliff had nothing like that in his nature.
Cliff wasn't surprised, rather more amused, when he saw Jason and Tony, his two favorite acolytes, waiting outside the confessional. Either their sexual experimentations had gone farther than they knew how to handle, or they had received flack from their parents about their behavior. Cliff hoped they wouldn't reveal their 'sin' by entering the confessional booth together. Anglicans are not known to be stupid nor are they judgmental. As a religious sect, they believe there is no sin too great to forgive or be forgiven. Therefore, if the line of 'sinners', each waiting his turn in the confessional, saw two boys confessing together, they'd have to assume either that the boys had robbed a convenience store together or maybe they had learned a new five finger exercise together. But, luckily for Cliff, Tony and Jason entered separately. Whatever secret they had to reveal to their confessor was not at all what Cliff expected.
"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned." It was Tony's voice. "What am I suppose to say next?"
Cliff covered his mouth to keep from laughing.
"How long has it been since your last confession?" Cliff managed.
"Never...I mean, forever...Heck, Father, this is my first time."
"Well, now, you usually accuse yourself of whatever sins you've committed and then I ask you about the severity of your misdeeds."
"Do I have to tell EVERYTHING?" he asked. Even though Cliff couldn't see them, he knew Tony's bright brown eyes were wide in their sockets.
"You do, if you want me to absolve you and tell you your penance."
"What kind of penance?"
"That depends on how deeply you've sinned."
"Uh oh, I could get a life sentence."
"There is no sin too great to forgive."
"But do I have to tell you everything?"
"Yes."
Cliff knew whatever Tony had to confess was uppermost in his mind and he was quite worried. But at the same time, this little variance in the normal boring confession was so humorous, Cliff felt better than any time since Roger's disappearance. He decided to play along and draw this scene out with Tony as long as he could.
"I know you can't see me, Father, but I know darn well you recognize my voice...don't you?"
"I have a pretty good idea, but remember anything you say to me in confession cannot go any farther than the walls of this booth. I am bound to secrecy by my vows."
"Well then, you probably already know what I have to confess and who else it involves."
"I'll be like a juror and not form an opinion until I hear all the evidence. Now, what do you want to tell me?"
"Well, you know how you told Jason and me to talk to our moms and dads about what we were doing."
"Yes, I remember."
"Well, they found out all right, but not the way you think."
"Oh?"
"Yeah. We were over at Jase's house...in his bedroom...and we were doing like we always do...you know...jerkin' each other off...and then we decided to do some more things..."
"Oh? What kind of things?"
"Well, you know, OTHER THINGS...like birds and bees stuff, only with guys."
"And did you try?"
"Yeah, we took our pants and underwear off...we kept our shirts on, though...any way it took four or five tries before it worked. I think it hurt Jason, although he tried not to show it. Any rate we started moving together, you know, 'doin' it'?...and honest-to-goodness, Father, it was a lot quicker than just jerking off. It didn't last long but it sure felt good...But about that time, Jase's mom came in to bring us a couple of Cokes and she saw us...She screamed and dropped the cokes and they got all over the carpet and I jumped up and tried to hide myself with my pants and before I could get my underwear on, she called for Jase's dad to come look at us."
"You mean he saw you, too?"
"Yeah, he came rushing, like Jase's mom had found Jase dead on the floor or something...and all she said to his dad was 'Look!!' and then she ran out the door and called my mom."
"What did Jason's dad do?"
"Nothing. He was real nice. He took us into the bathroom and told us to wash good, but I was so worried about what Jase's mom was telling my mom, I couldn't even hold on to the soap...one time it slipped so far it landed in the bathtub."
"And?"
"And then Jase's father saw how nervous we were and he sat down on the edge of the tub and took the washcloth and cleaned me and Jase, both."
"Did he say anything?"
"No. It's what he didn't say that worried me."
"So he cleaned you up and then what?"
"We got dressed and sat on the side of the bed and waited for Jase's mom to come in and fuss at us."
"And did she?"
"No. Jase's dad wouldn't let her."
"What did he say?"
"He told her that what we were doing was a phase all boys go through. Heck, he told her he'd done it himself."
"How did she react then?"
"She was cool. She just sorta calmed down, smiled, and acted like she knew what he was talking about."
"So she didn't scold you?"
"No...But I was more worried about what my mom and dad were going to say when I got home."
"Did your parents come over to Jase's house and get you."
"They came over, all right, but not just to get me. It was like a gathering of the tribes. I swear, you'd've thought I'd gotten Jase pregnant and they had to make wedding plans for us."
"Was Jason frightened also?"
"Yeah, but not half as much as me."
"Did both your parents, you and Jason all sit down and have a discussion?"
"Our parents did, but they wouldn't let Jase and me come into the kitchen where they all were sitting. They even shut the door so we couldn't hear what they were saying."
"What did you and Jason do?"
"We sat down in the living room. We were both so scared and embarrassed we couldn't even look at each other. We could hear them talking loud in the kitchen."
"Were they angry? I mean, were they shouting at each other?"
"No. A couple of times we even heard them laughing out loud!"
"Did you think they were laughing at you and Jason?"
"They must've been because about a half hour later they came out all 'friendly' like. You know how you told us that some day boys might get to marry each other in our church?"
"Yes."
"Well, Jase and I thought they'd made plans for us to get married secretly after what we'd done."
"What did they say to you?"
"Well, first they said all the things you said to us about how normal it was for boys to experiment with each other."
"After that, were they angry with you?"
"No. That's just it! They told us if we were going to act like adults we had to start doing things adults did. They told us we'd have to come to church and confess to you and ask for forgiveness for what we'd done...and then, they made us both promise if we tried anything like that again, we'd have to wear condoms."
"You mean they gave you their permission to continue with your...your experimentation?"
"Yeah, but only if you and God forgave us! The only thing is...I think God got mad at me...and punished me."
"Why do you think that?"
"'Cause I haven't been able to get a hard-on since. I think God put a curse on my thing."
All Cliff could think was, "God, the wonder of youth! And thank God for making understanding parents!" But instead Cliff comforted Tony by saying, "Tony, I'm sure this is only a temporary problem. I'm glad your parents chose not to punish you. Not all boys are as lucky as you. I'm not trying to frighten you, but there are many denominations that look on what you did as a sin...a sin that would damn you to all kinds of everlasting punishment. But, fortunately for the both of you, our church doesn't see things that way. People are born gay the same as they're born straight. So how can we condone one group and condemn the other? A loving God...a God who understands...a God who treats all his creations equally...cannot make that big a difference if He IS God."
"You mean there's no punishment for what we did?"
"None that I know or that I believe in."
"Why did they make us want to confess to you then?"
"Because...and I take this as a compliment, your parents wanted you to get in the habit of discussing things you aren't sure about. They knew what I would say to you. They trusted me to let you know that what they had done was the right thing."
"Gosh, I feel so relieved."
"And I'll bet you a case of Cokes, the next time you try something, you won't have any trouble getting an erection."
"You really think so?"
"I'll betcha. The only thing is...I know that you and Jason have only been with each other, but your parents are right about the condom decision. There are many diseases and conditions in the world, like syphilis, gonorrhea, even AIDS, and some of these things have no cure, yet. A lot of them we're not sure how they are transmitted. And until we do know where they come from and how to treat them. our only salvation is precaution. You can never be too careful, even with your spouse or your best friend. Keep your promise and wear the condoms except for non-contact activities such as masturbation."
"Father, do you know how worried I've been about coming to confess to you this afternoon?"
"I have a pretty good idea."
"That's why everybody in the church calls you, 'Father', no matter how old they are."
"I guess you have a point, Tony. I'd never thought of it that way."
"So what's my penance?"
"Your penance is...I want you and Jason to go home and thank your moms and dads for loving you and tell them how glad you are to have them as parents."
"Is that all?"
"Tony, believe me, that's enough. Only remember, any time you or Jason have a problem, don't be afraid to discuss it with your parents or come to me. I'm always here for you."
"Y'know, you're all right, Father!"
"So are you, Tony!"
"Now should I send Jason in to see you?"
"Are his sins the same as yours?"
"Identical."
"Then send him in."
"I will, only first I want to kid him by telling him you said we're going to hell."
"Tony, don't you dare! You've heard of the wrath of God?"
"Yes."
"Well, it won't be God's wrath pouring down on you! You don't want to see how an Irish priest behaves when he gets angry!"
"OK, Father. I won't tease him. I want him to love you as much as I do."
Tony left the booth smiling. He was replaced by a rather worried-looking Jason.
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"We have so much in common.
It's a phenomenon..."
Stephen Sondheim
"Small World"
from "Gypsy" Act I (1960)
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Jay returned Kyle's call and arranged to meet him at 'The Coffee Bean', a little espresso shop in downtown Briarwood. Jay was trying to remember if he and Kyle had actually spoken at Lonnie's funeral. After due reflection, he was certain they hadn't. Each of them knew hardly anything about the other. They might have been total strangers, but having two common links. One...they both had had the same lover...and two...the lover had infected both of them and made each HIV positive.
Jay was the first to arrive. The waiter showed him to a secluded table for two in the small darkened room. When Kyle approached the table, Jay lost his breath for a second as he got his first good glimpse of the beauty he saw in Kyle's face. Kyle was a living dream with his dark hair, dark eyes, and olive skin. Any producer at any ad agency in the world would be eager to have Kyle's face on a product or magazine cover. Jay couldn't understand why Lonnie had ever left Kyle. If Brad Pitt had met Kyle before he'd met Jennifer, a new chapter would have been written in the annals of Hollywood.
"Jay?" Kyle asked,
Jay recovered his poise and rose to greet his guest. "Hi, Kyle. Sit down, please." Jay said, motioning to the chair opposite him as he reseated himself.
"I was glad you returned my call."
"I have to admit I was shocked to discover you lived right here in Briarwood."
"That's something, isn't it?"
"Something right out of Ripley's comics."
"Have you ordered yet?"
"No, I was waiting for you."
"Order anything you like...my treat."
"Cafe Français will be fine."
"We'll order two."
"Seems like...like having the same lover isn't all we have in common."
The blonde 'Rick Shroeder-look-alike' came to their table and took their order, then left, smiling coyly over his shoulder.
"So what are you doing now since you're home?" Jay asked.
"You want the long or the short version?"
"Whichever."
"Let me give you the capsule version."
"OK."
"Lonnie left me about five years before he met you and I found out I was a benefactor of what he had to offer. It seems he left you a little something to remember him by, too. Well, my agent and my advisors slowly froze me out of all the high-paying jobs and they all but ran me out of town like I had the plague or something...I guess that's really funny---'cause I actually DID have the plague. "Any way, I came home to Briarwood to be with my mom and my dad. At least here I could hide and try to think what I wanted to do with the rest of my short life. And when my folks saw I could no longer keep them riding high on the golden carousel, they shut me out of their lives. They knew Dad was gonna have to go back to work and they could no longer wallow in the social and the pseudo-cultural lifestyle they had grown accustomed to with my money. I had tried to snuff myself out several times in New York. Once by gas from 'friendly ConEd'. Then I tried to sharpen my razor on wrists. Another time I was about one pill shy of an overdose. I discovered New York was just too expensive to stay there and die. So I came home to dear old Daddums and Mum. Ha--they wouldn't even let me get my foot inside their door. I found a little room on the south side of Briarwood. I had enough money to live on. I still get my residual checks from all the commercials I did. That's something Mom and Dad don't know. But at any rate, I got me this room, not to live in, but to die in. My t-cell count was so low it wouldn't make a shadow in the noonday sun. Just before I left New York, my Park Avenue doctor wrote me a prescription for barbiturates for sleeping, for pain management...whatever. I took the whole goddamned bottle. Only I took 'em on an empty stomach and started vomiting. I was heaving so loudly, this guy in the next room to mine heard me and came rushing in and called 911. The paramedics came, took me to the hospital, and pumped my stomach so I could go on enjoying my fun life. I met this doctor at the hospital, Dr. Hughes, and he made me go to his suicide group. It was there I hooked up with two other guys in the group, Ryan and Alex."
The waiter came with their coffees and Kyle waited for him to leave before he continued his saga. Kyle took a sip of the hot liquid to re-bolster his courage and began again.
"Dr. Hughes teamed me up with Ryan and Alex as kind of a mini-support group. Then I became seriously ill and wound up back in the hospital--I was sure it was for the last time. Then Ryan came to visit me. His folks had kicked him out when they found out he was gay. So Alex's father, Walter, as a favor to Alex, allowed Ryan to move into their den and live with all of them. Then, wonder-of-wonders, miracle-of-miracles, Ryan began visiting me, sometimes two and three times every day. Ryan brought Alex and Ted with him. Soon Walter was stopping by my hospital room every day, even young Jeff."
"It sounds as if the whole family 'adopted' you!"
"That's not the best part, Jay. Believe it or not, sick as I was, I fell in love with Ryan!"
"Oh, my God, this is something right out of Barbara Cartland's W.P!"
"Crazy, isn't it. There I was with one foot in the grave and the other on a waxed floor, taking time out from dying and learning how to live again--by falling in love!"
"Kyle, when you're finished, have I got a story for you! But, GO ON! TELL!!"
"Jay, my t-cells went through the roof! I got better! Maybe the meds took effect or maybe it was old-fashioned love. I don't care which it was. So the day I was discharged, Walter came by the hospital to take me home with him. He and his boys were giving Ryan a surprise birthday party, only Walter was saving 'me' to be Ryan's biggest surprise."
"Kyle, dammit, I should have brought some Kleenex!"
"Wait a minute and you'll need them for sure!"
"Jesus Christ! You mean there's MORE?"
"Jay, you were right a minute ago when you said Walter's family had adopted me because the final gift that Walter had saved for Ryan was really a gift to BOTH of us...RYAN AND ME!"
"What, for heaven's sake? Tell me before I pee my pants!"
"Without Ryan's knowledge, Walter and his 'sons' had converted the space over their garage into a five room apartment for Ryan and me. I mean, it's furnished like something out of 'BH & G'! ALL modern! ALL brand new. Walter gave each of us, Ryan and me, a key and said he had fixed it up just for the two of us to live in for as long as we like."
"Oh, God, Kyle, that's wonderful. I suppose I should tell you that Lonnie talked about you a lot, especially toward the end. He was delirious with his illness and sometimes he would get mixed up and call me 'Kyle' while I was holding him. He had many VHS tapes he'd recorded right off the TV containing your ads. He had two whole tapes made of your scenes on 'To This We've Come'. Oh, you and I didn't know one another, but I knew who you were! I had seen your poster plastered halfway across Times Square. Dear Lord, I used to come down with the vapors every time I saw your big bulge in those tight Calvin's. I used to limp going to the subway from the erection your picture gave me."
"Oh, stop it!"
"I'm serious, Kyle. I'd never seen any man as beautiful as you. When I had learned to live with Lonnie's parting 'gift' to me, I got angry...mostly at him, but he was dead so I turned my hatred toward you. I wondered if it was YOU who had given it to him and I began hoping YOU were just as sick as I, until that day at Lonnie's funeral. I recognized you but didn't speak for fear I would attack you and claw out your eyes."
"I guess I'm glad I didn't know you well enough to speak to you!"
"Jesus! I was so glad that Lonnie was dead, but I hated him even more because of the way he ruined my life. I had heard a rumor through the Third Avenue grapevine that Lonnie had given it to you too. Then all of a sudden, DOWN came your bigger-than-life billboards. You vanished from the soap opera and that's when I was sure that your life was as fucked up as mine!"
"Jay, did you love Lonnie?"
"He was a good fuck! I just wish he hadn't been a 'careless' fuck! What about you? Did you love Lonnie?"
"No, I loved to fuck him!"
"Oh, you're a top?"
"So to speak..." Kyle blushed slightly and tried to change the subject. "I don't know how or why I remembered that you or your folks lived in Briarwood but the other night while were eating supper at Walter's house, I started talking about Lonnie and HIV and I casually mentioned that I thought YOU lived in Briarwood. The next day, Walter got on the phone and called some guy who does background checks on some of his clients, and two hours later, the detective not only had your address, he had your phone number. I called and some guy named Rob answered, and I asked if you lived there. He said 'yes' and I left the number at Ryan's for you to call me...and, well, here we are!"
Jay's happy face suddenly turned dark as he was about to talk seriously about himself. He took a sip of water instead of his coffee.
"Kyle, immediately after Lonnie's death, I applied for disability but a single guy can't live on that scanty amount, especially not in New York City. So, just like you, I came home to die...or live...whichever came first. I was shunned, like you, by all my family, friends, and neighbors. I, too, contemplated suicide. I just couldn't decide on when, where, and how. So one afternoon, I went over to Weeping Willow Park and sat by the lake there, to try to reach a decision concerning my demise and then suddenly, something strange happened to me. I felt a hand on my shoulder and it turned me around 180 degrees, but when I looked, there was no one behind me...only a man about 100 yards away, sitting at a gazebo, eating. It looked from a distance like he was wearing a priest's collar. Again, I didn't know why, but I felt this 'something' urging me to go and talk with the priest. I got up and walked slowly toward the gazebo and the closer I got, I realized my speculation had been correct. He WAS a priest...a young priest about my age. When I got close enough to speak, he looked up from his sandwich and I felt a shiver run through my body. I looked into the priest's eyes and for a split second, I thought I was dead and looking into the eyes of Christ. Even when he spoke and beckoned me to come sit by him, I still wasn't sure I hadn't died and gone to heaven to meet my maker."
Now Jay's hands were trembling and he reached to sip his coffee for strength to continue.
"Of course it wasn't Christ OR an angel. It was a man who told me he was 'Father Cliff'...no last name...just 'Cliff' I talked for a short time with him and before I knew it, I was in his car and he was taking me to his house...his church's rectory. I stayed with him for a few days, and without going into details, within a few weeks, we had grown into a family. One of the guys was his lover, a guy named Roger.
"Roger was apparently a priest at one time, and had been Cliff's lover and best friend since they were kids. Another guy my age whose name is Troy was the victim of a car accident and Cliff asked me if I would stay with Troy and help rehabilitate him...and that was the beginning of MY new life. Kyle, like most queens, I'm prone to exaggerate. But, if I had never seen you in person, I could swear Troy is the most gorgeous man I've ever laid my eyes on. I forgot I had any problems of my own, my whole focus of life started centering around him. I took care of him as if I had given birth to him. I bathed, him, fed him, dressed him...even diapered him, so to speak. I just couldn't seem to keep my hands off him, day and night.
"I'm still not completely sure what kind of life Troy led before we met, but he was not used to being pampered over. It was as if everything I did was a special favor to him. At first, he gushed with appreciation. Then I started noticing how he would put his hand on top of mine while I was feeding or massaging him. During our chats, suddenly he wanted to hold my hand. Then one day, right out of the blue, he pulled me toward him and kissed me. I couldn't believe it. To me, it was like Rock Hudson kissing Harvey Fierstein."
"Good God, Jay. You don't look a thing like Harvey Fierstein!"
"But that's how I felt. He knew from the start that I had AIDS and it made no difference to him at all. Later that same night, Troy and I found a way to have sex in spite of his physical handicap. But this was one of those rare cases when a quick roll in the hay was just more than that. I was already madly in love with Troy. It was when he told me he was in love with me that I almost freaked out! It took several private sessions with Father Cliff for him to convince me that Troy's affection for me was real and honest.
"Now we share the same room...and Kyle, for the first and only time in my life, I'm in love with someone who really loves me!"
"Jay, it would appear that you and I both found an honest and legitimate house of love. Tell me, are you working at a regular job?"
"No, to earn my keep, I became chief cook and bottle washer and now I practically run the household! There are two more of us living at the house, Rob, the one you spoke with on the phone, and his new lover, Timmy. Both of them have `eviction' stories like yours and mine."
Jay was more confident with his story-telling now, and wanted to tell the rest.
"Roger somehow came into this huge inheritance and bought the largest and most expensive house you could ever imagine and we all moved in and formed a family support group for one another...and we've lived happily ever after---until last week when Roger suddenly disappeared. No one has heard anything from or about him. We're all worried sick...especially Cliff. He's lost without his other half!"
"Maybe I should tell Walter and see if he can get his detective to help find Roger." Kyle said.
"It wouldn't hurt!" Jay quickly said, "I'm sure Cliff would pay all of his expenses."
"I'll mention it to Walter when he comes home tonight. I mean, the detective found you in just a matter of hours. maybe he'll get lucky again."
"We all would appreciate it!"
"Look, Jay, it doesn't matter what happened to each of us in the past. We both loved Lonnie and I'm sure he loved both us, in his own way...at different times perhaps, but there's no reason why you and I can't be friends. If you like, we could be monitors for each other, and talk about our symptoms, treatments, and medications. I don't know what the hell medicine you're taking but you look healthy as a hunk."
"Cliff says I'm getting well due to all the broccoli he makes me eat three times a day."
"I heard of another kid at an AIDS clinic in New York who ate broccoli every meal."
"Did he get better?" Jay asked.
"No one knows. He farted so much a doctor couldn't get close enough to him to count his t-cells."
They both laughed out loud and suddenly as the laughter subsided, each gazed into the other's eyes. Suddenly they felt a bond of friendship between them...a bond which they could have shared for several years when both needed support so desperately.
"Kyle, I want you to come over to the house some night and meet the other guys. I'll cook a huge feast in your honor."
"Only on one condition...that you'll come to Walter's house one night and meet Ryan, Walter, Alex, Ted, and Jeff...MY new family."
"God, I'm so glad you called me!"
"And I'm so glad you called me back!"
"Goddamn, our lives have been fucked up."
"They're only as fucked up as we make them."
"Hey, will you call me tonight after you've talked with Walter about his detective?"
"I promise. I don't know how late it'll be. Walter's been working late hours. He's a lawyer and he has this new zillionaire client whose affairs he's handling. This rich guy, just like your Roger, has more money than he knows what to do with...and he's been shuffling money right and left so he could go off on some trip or something. I don't know much about it...just what I've picked up on at the dinner table."
"We'd better go. I have to stop at the store on the way home."
"Call you tonight!"
"Great!...friend!"
"Seems that you and I both found a life after Lonnie."
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"There's something about an empty bed.
It's lonely with his covers smooth
from foot to head.
No Joe to hold,
my pillow has to do, instead.
Empty am I in my empty bed.
Richard Adler
from "Damn Yankees",
the movie, (1955)
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Cliff had mixed feelings about returning home after Evening Song. If only, when he reached the driveway, Rob or Timmy would come running to meet him and say they had news from Roger. But it was always the same...night after night...no call...no messages...no word...nothing... just another lonely night in a lonely king-size bed. The other guys in the house all had their own worries and troubles without Cliff burdening them with his own. He had to lock in his grin, keep a stiff upper lip, and all the other goddamned clichés he could think of as soon as he turned into the drive. The biggest burden for a priest is something they never teach in seminary and that is that a priest is not allowed to have his own woes. He mustn't ever be gloomy or ever be seen with a troubled look on his face. He's not allowed to cry unless he's in complete privacy. He must never be happier than any member of his flock. He must look prosperous on the petty salary he receives but never look wealthy. There is no private time in his life. It's reserved for others who need it more. Sex? That's quite out of the question. Even a married priest with a real female wife must convince his fold that his wife conceived the same way as the blessed Virgin. Priests are taught the Lord is their shepherd and they shall not want. But somewhere along the way, Cliff failed to read this book of rules...because NOW is the time he had to weep...NOW is the time he had to "want"...NOW is the time for Roger to come home to him!
When Cliff entered the door of the manse as usual, Troy was already seated at the dining table. Timmy was placing the plates and silverware. Rob was at the CD case picking out quiet but not depressing dinner music and Jay was busy readying the hot dishes of food he'd prepared and in between, telling the others about his meeting with Kyle earlier in the afternoon.
Cliff set his valise down in the chair nearest his study and managed a cheery greeting to all of them. They replied with as much cheer as they could muster, considering the circumstances. Cliff went to the bathroom and washed his hands. Then he heard the telephone ring and his heart stopped as it did each time the phone sounded its summons. It was a wonder he hadn't suffered a thousand coronaries. His body stiffened each time he heard a phone bell, but to no avail. It was always 'somebody else' wanting something...never the call that Cliff prayed for day and night.
He heard Jay answer the call and begin a rather excited conversation with the caller. Cliff knew it wasn't Roger because Jay would have called him instantly. However, when Cliff came out of the bathroom, Jay motioned for him to come to the phone...the call was for Cliff.
He held the receiver in his hand while he cleared his throat and braced himself for whatever news he was about to receive. Cliff's phone calls were always trouble. He had learned to expect someone calling for something or telling the latest bad things that had just happened.
"Hello?"
"Is this Father Cliff of St. Genesius' parish?" the voice asked.
"Yes."
"My name is Walter Clayton. I'm a lawyer. I have a client that, I believe, shares a house with you...Roger Cole."
"YES! What have you heard? Do you know where he is? Is he all right?" Cliff asked quickly, running all his questions together without even giving the caller a chance to reply.
"I'm afraid I don't know where he is, but I can assure you he's all right. He left town apparently for some unknown reason, heading to some unspecified destination, But this morning, I received a letter from him with no return address. The letter was contained instructions for me about how to handle his financial affairs until he returned. He told me that anything that you or your other boarders wanted, I was to pay for with no questions asked. There is a large money cache for you and the others to draw from for your personal needs. Inside the larger envelope was a smaller one, sealed, addressed to you. If you like, I will open it and read it to you. But if you prefer, I can have one of my sons bring it over to you, if you'd like to read it in privacy."
"Mr. Clayton,.."
"Please!--call me Walter."
"Thank you...please call me 'Cliff'. Walter, if you don't mind, as long as I know Roger is well and all right, I would like to read the letter myself. I can easily come to your house and get it."
"No, that won't be necessary. I have two young men who live with me that I refer to as my 'adopted sons'. One of them...Kyle, I believe, met Jay from your household for coffee this afternoon. Kyle and my other 'adopted' son whose name is Ryan can bring the letter over to you now."
"My God, Walter, that would be wonderful. Do they have my address?"
"Yes, of course. I wouldn't be much of a lawyer without having my clients addresses, now would I?"
"I'm sorry, I wasn't thinking...I'm just so excited, Would you mind asking them to hurry, but please to be careful?"
"They should be over here in about 15 to 20 minutes."
"Thank you!"
"Since I'm going to be handling most of the funds revolving around you and your household, maybe we can meet, either at my house or yours, tomorrow or the next day and I can bring you up to date with bills and such."
"I would love to meet with you. Just tell me when and where and I'll be there."
"I'll have my secretary call you in the morning and you name the time and place. I can arrange my schedule to coincide with yours."
"That'll be great. Good night, and thank you so much!"
"Good night, Cliff"
The others had gotten the drift of Cliff's phone call and were on pins and needles with excitement. An onlooker would have thought they had just heard the real Santa Claus on the roof.
Fifteen to twenty minutes can seem like an hour when you're as impatient as Cliff. But soon he saw the spill of headlights as a car turned into the long driveway. Two very handsome men got out of the car. Cliff noticed that one of the two, Kyle, was so good-looking anyone might want to take time to stare at him like a work of art in a museum. The other one, Ryan, gave Cliff the letter as soon as he came up the stairs. Cliff grabbed it, though trying to appear cordial and not too rude. He was aware that the other guys wanted to hear the answers in the letter...but for the moment, Cliff wanted this piece of paper Roger had touched to be his...ALL his. He went into the study and carefully tore open the envelope making sure no words were torn off the stationary. Cliff paused and counted to three to compose himself before he sat down to read the epistle....
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(To be continued in "Briarwood" Book Three--"Briarwood Lost"--chapter-twenty-six)
Copyright Ritchris, 2005.