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"BRIARWOOD"
aka "Whence Cometh My Help"
R.S.V.
A dramatic saga
by
Ritch Christopher
literary enhancement by
Les Martin
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BOOK TWO
"The Clayton Clan"
Chapter Fourteen
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Later that Wednesday night when Walter Clayton came home from work, Jeff was still at wrestling practice. Alex had made Hungarian goulash for supper and his dad came into the kitchen where Alex was stirring a pot and gave him a hug and a peck on the cheek.
"What kind of day did you have today, son?"
"Pretty good. I rested and laid around all day, trying to find something on TV that wasn't a soap opera or a talk show. I didn't realize how difficult that could be."
"Everyone needs some form of media to tell their troubles and woes to, these days."
"How was work?"
"Same old, same old...except for a call I received from Bill Bartolli."
"My principal?"
"Yeah,"
"What did he want by calling you at work?...checking up on me?...to see if I was actually home all day?...I swear I was, Dad!"
"I believe you...No, he had gotten a whiff of what happened on Monday...the overdose..."
"But how? I thought the hospital records were confidential!"
"As a rule they are...but sometimes things have a way of leaking out. Miss Teasdale, the school secretary has a sister who works as a nurse in the hospital, doesn't she?"
"I'm not sure, Dad."
"I think she does...and if so...then we know the snitch."
"What did Mr. Bartolli have to say, Dad?"
"He wanted to know if you were mentally well enough to come back to school and be around other students."
"That's bullshit, Dad. I'm not crazy...is that what he thinks?"
"He said he had to be concerned about the welfare of the rest of the student body."
"Well, what does he want me to do?"
"He wants a statement from the psychiatrist, Dr. Hughes, saying that you're safe to be around other students."
"Dad, it's not like I used a weapon or anything...I took pills...pills! Does Mr. Bartolli think I'm gonna try to overdose the whole school by pouring a bottle of Darvocet in the water supply?"
"Alex, you know all about drama kings. How they like a big to-do over nothing...I DID call Dr. Hughes..."
"And...?"
"He can see you tomorrow afternoon at the hospital. He's holding a group there and he thought it might be beneficial for you if you attended."
"What kind of group?....A bunch of nuts?"
"No, I don't think Dr. Hughes would subject you to that. It's probably just a bunch of teens who need to talk and don't have access to the daily soaps and talk shows you were fussing about,"
"So I'm going to a teen Jerry Springer show?"
"Just remember to wear a raincoat and don't sit on the front row."
"Yeah, and watch out for flying chairs," Alex kidded back.
"Who knows, Alex?--it might be fun. You might see someone there you could be of some help to."
"Dad, somehow I don't believe that...but if you want me to, I'll go."
"Good...I thought you would. Anything to make Mr. Bartolli rest easier and not put any pressure on you."
"Should I pack a bag with no belts and shoes with no laces? Or should I just go naked."
"Not naked, please, I don't want you to start a riot at the hospital. All the girls would swoon and faint and all the guys would kill themselves envying your body!"
"And the doctors and nurses!"
"They would probably chloroform you and call in a taxidermist to stuff you and put you on display in the lobby as the 'perfect son'."
"Thanks, Dad. I'm far from perfect...but I should be...having you for a father...I do love you, you know that, don't you, Dad?...and so does Jeff."
"The feeling is mutual on both counts...Alex, just go to the group and behave naturally. Have a good time. Relax and think that in two days this will all be over and you'll be up at the lake catching a two-foot long Rainbow trout,"
"OK...Now, are you ready to try some of this goulash I concocted this afternoon?"
"If it's your mom's recipe, it'll be great!"
The door swung open and slammed.
"Hey, guys, I'm home!" It was Jeff.
"Go wash your hands and come eat some of this stuff I cooked before it gets cold."
"Yes, Mother."
Alex swatted Jeff's left buttock with a potholder.
Later that evening, dinner was finished, the dishes, pots and pans all washed and dried. The three Claytons sat on the sofa watching "Law and Order". The story line was about a kid who was murdered by his father and the father tried to make it look as if his son had committed suicide. That was a perfect way to brighten up Alex's evening. The show ended and the jury voted to let the father get away with his crime. One never can outguess the jury on that show. Ten years ago, the father would have been executed, but nowadays, the dad will more than likely get a gig on a music video on MTV, dancing and singing something like, 'He was my son, but he done me wrong. Yeah, Yeah, Yeah, Oh Baby'.
Then it was 11:00 and Walter was the first to head for bed.
"Alex, your doctor is expecting you at two o'clock tomorrow for your checkup, do you need a ride?"
"Don't worry, Dad, it's at the hospital and I'll get down there."
"Jeff, are you going to sleep in your own bed tonight?"
"No, Dad, I thought maybe I'd better sleep with Alex in case he got sick or somethin'."
"Is that all right with you, Alex?"
"Sure."
"Well, if he gets unruly, just kick him out."
"Don't worry, I've had plenty of practice kicking my brother. He seems to like being kicked. Think we oughta make him see a psychiatrist?"
"Yeah, why don't you look in the Yellow Pages tomorrow and see if you can find one for terminal insanity?"
"I'm afraid he's just too far gone. Looks like a classic case for euthanasia."
"Well, at least it will be quieter around here. Good night, my little cherubs."
"Night, Dad."
"Night." Walter went into his bedroom and closed his door.
Jeff stretched and faked a yawn. "I am so tired, Alex, you ready to hit the hay?"
"Nah, I'm not going to school tomorrow so I think I'll sit up and watch Letterman and Conan and whatever comes on after that."
"You, asshole, I want you to come to bed now!"
"Why, little brother?"
"You know damned well why!! All day I've been thinking about last night and I want to do it again and see what else we can do."
"Why, Jeff, you're turning into a regular little pervert!"
"You taught me everything I know."
"So I did, but I think you've graduated---you already know everything I know to teach."
"Oh, no, you're not gonna cop out on me that easily. Let's go to bed."
"You go on and I'll be there in a minute."
Alex smiled at Jeff and began turning off the lights, the TV, and checking the door locks. By the time Alex entered his bedroom, Jeff was sitting in the middle of the bed totally nude.
"Come on, come on...we're wasting time!"
"Jeff, if you're gonna sleep with me tonight, you'd better put your Jockey's back on."
"Why?"
"Because what we did last night is not going to become a habit or a nightly routine."
"Why? Didn't you enjoy it?"
"You know I did, but looking at it objectively and not subjectively, homosexuality is bad enough. Adding incest makes it even worse!"
"Incest? You mean like two cousins marrying?"
"That's one example...and if they have kids, they're supposed to be born idiots. Us having brother-to-brother sex is idiotic in itself!"
"Yeah, but what about that saying, 'If it feels good, do it'?"
"Jeff, it'll feel just as good in your bedroom by yourself as it will in here with me. Besides, you now know as much as I do about sex."
"It's a good thing the whole world doesn't look at it the way you do. There'd be no new children born if a husband and wife slept in separate rooms, having sex by themselves!" Then another idea hit Jeff's eager mind. "Hey! Do girls do it too? I mean...well, they can't jerk themselves off?"
"Why don't you answer that one yourself? I've already told you that you know everything that I do."
"But..."
"OK, I suppose girls get off the same as guys but in another way. Don't ask me how, but I guess they must use some penis-shaped object to put inside themselves."
"You mean like a broom handle or a banana?"
"An unpeeled banana. Bananas are flimsy. They would probably break off in the process."
"How far do you think a broom handle will go inside a girl?"
"No further than the largest penis will, I suppose..."
"How large is 'large'?"
"I...I told you I've seen pictures of men and women together and some of the men are pretty long."
"How long?"
"Oh, maybe a foot!"
"Good lord! A foot long? It would take two hands just to pee."
"I don't think it's quite that long when it's not erected."
"Nine inches? Ten?"
"Jeff, I don't know! Gee whiz! I've told you I'm no expert!"
"You think Dad would know? I mean, he's a lawyer and lawyers are supposed to know everything!"
"Then I guess Dad would know then! Why don't you ask him?"
"Yeah, I can see myself at the breakfast table asking, 'Hey Dad! How deep is a pussy?'."
"Yeah, I'd like to see you ask him that myself. Then I'd love to see Dad answer you. He'd say, 'Why, Jeff'?' and you would come back with some answer like, 'Well, inquiring minds want to know'! That ought to get tomorrow morning off to a good start!"
"OK, so I won't!"
"No, go ahead! I'd love to see what happens!" Alex laughed.
"Alex?"
"Now what?"
"If I put on my briefs, can I sleep with you?"
"On several conditions...first, you stay on your side of the bed...second, you keep your hands to yourself, and last, no sex of any kind...not with me or by yourself. Now if you still want to sleep with me, those are the rules."
"Alex, sometimes you're like a bad Santa Claus?"
"What do you mean?"
"A 'bad Santa' is one who brings a kid toys on Christmas Eve when the kid's sleeping and then he comes back the next night and takes all the toys back to the North Pole."
"What's your point?"
"Last night, you gave me the best present of my life...masturbating with you. And tonight, you won't let me play with my present."
"Jeff, sex is not a present."
"Maybe not, but I have your...your body fluid inside me and you have mine. That was a present and a very special one..."
"Then if we both have each other in our bloodstream, there's no reason to add more to it! It won't make us any closer than we are now."
"Yeah, but...it was more than just body fluids, I...I had a brand new feeling about you. Sure, we're brothers and we get along like brothers, but I...I kinda feel like I love you now more than I ever have."
"You know what, squirt?" Alex said, taking his hand and tousling Jeff's hair. "I...I kinda feel the same way."
"So...so I won't feel that way if I go to my room to do it by myself."
"Jesus! You're becoming more like Dad, the lawyer, every day. You...you have a way of driving a hard bargain to get your own way."
"But I'm right, aren't I?"
"All right, Judge Judy! Leave your briefs off, turn out the lights, hop back into my bed, and we'll see what we can do to get you to go to sleep."
Alex wondered how he would play this scene tomorrow night? He knew this couldn't or shouldn't happen every night...but then, it did feel good, being close to Jeff. He hoped that Dr, Hughes wouldn't ask too many personal questions at the two o'clock group session. If he did, Alex would sprain his brain trying to think up lies.
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The small assembly room at Kimbrough Hospital had twelve metal folding chairs in a circle. They were all filled but one. It was 2:05 PM and Dr. Raymond Hughes had not joined the group yet. There were four girls and seven boys, including Alex. They were all about the same age...mid to upper teens. The twelfth chair was taken when the doctor entered the circle. He began...
"All right, let's go around the room and tell each other our names...first name only, please."
Helen, a blonde wearing tight pants and a blouse she had tied in the middle to bare her midsection, was the first to reveal her name.
She was followed by a black girl in a short red dress. Her hair done up in white beads like Venus Williams. She said her name was Cassandra.
Then there was Bill, an overweight guy who could just barely get his jeans to button...and Dave, an older teen with bad acne scars on each of his cheeks. Sitting next to him was Virgil, a skinny kid that looked like he had plucked his eyebrows and was wearing just a trace of mascara and lipstick. He spoke with a lispy, sibilant 's'.
A few feet away was Kyle...someone right out of a GQ magazine. He was dressed immaculately. Deeply tanned with raven hair, one lock bouncing on his forehead, he was good-looking to say the least. His masculine torso made him look as it he could jump into a nearby telephone booth and reappear wearing blue tights and a red cape. Virgil couldn't keep from staring at Kyle's handsomeness. The next one to speak was Henry or 'Hank'. He looked older because he was prematurely bald. He would weigh about 280 pounds but he wasn't fat...just solid muscle...the kind Jeff would pay money to see at the WWF.
Josh was next. He was the bookworm type...skinny, frail, hair uncombed, wearing round black-rimmed glasses. Sharon looked like a plain Jane. Her hair reflected a style of about three years ago...brown and frizzy. She was wearing a print dress made from a cotton fabric that could easily been mistaken for curtains in a lower housing development. She wore no make-up at all.
Kate looked more like a man than a girl...man's haircut...nose ring...tight Levi's, checkered cowboy shirt, and motorcycle boots. She was sitting next to Alex and he would swear Kate was wearing Brut aftershave...and then, there was Alex.
The eleven invited 'guests' looked around at each other. Alex kept wondering what was the common bond or thread that Dr. Hughes had chosen to bring them all together.
Dr. Hughes continued. "Now we all know each other's names. Some of you are new to this group. Other's are...shall we say...old friends? The only thing I'm going to say about you is that each and every one of you has tried or has thought about trying to end your own life, so you all have that in common. I would like each of you, when you feel like it, to jump into the conversation and tell us as much as you like about why you came to feel that way. What were the circumstances which led up the event? Were there any outside factors contributing to your death wish? Whatever you want to share with the group might help you to understand your own situation a little better." The doctor paused and there was total silence. "All right, who wants to begin?"
As they sat there, silently letting their gazes pass on from one face to that of the next person, Bill finally broke the ice self-conciously clearing his throat to speak.
"I'll go first. My name is Bill and I think you all can take one look at me and know what my problem is...I'm fat! I've always been fat. I was born fat and the doctors say I'll probably die fat, It's not that I eat a lot. I don't. I just can't lose weight. I've tried every diet and drunk every can of drink you can name to take off pounds but nothing works. My two brothers are both slim and so are my parents, so it's not genetics! I'm the fat one...the ugly one! I have no social life...I don't go anywhere...I've never had a girlfriend or gone out on a date. I know I will never have sex with anyone other than myself when I masturbate and I don't have any reason to live. I take lithium and two antidepressants and that's what keeps me alive...even though half the time I don't want to live." He stopped as his eyes were tearing up.
"Thank you, Bill. That was very brave of you." said the doctor. "Who wants to be next?"
"I do," said Helen."I'm what most of you would call in your schools, a whore. I like men. I like sex...all kinds of sex. I like to get fucked in my pussy and up the ass. I can give great blow-jobs. I've been working the streets since I was fourteen to get out of my house and support myself. I got tired of giving it away to my daddy and my three brothers. If my momma was alive...they would probably be fucking her, too. But at least, that would have given me a rest from them. When I was twelve and thirteen, I would no sooner get in bed than there would be my daddy and my brothers, all lined up to poke me or feel me up. One night I had my oldest brother who was eighteen fucking me and the next youngest who was sixteen sticking it up my ass at the same time, while my daddy has put his smelly, slimy, nasty dick in my mouth while I was jerking off my little fourteen year old brother...all at the same time. By the time I was fourteen, I decided if I was that good, then, hell, I would go out and beat the streets and get paid for what I could do...and I've been doing it ever since."
"Did you enjoy working on the streets?" Dr. Hughes asked.
"Shit, yeah! Well, at first! Soon, when you've saved enough money to pay your rent, buy a few clothes, get out of debt...you're ready to quit for a while, but you can't! There's always NEXT month's rent and NEXT month's bills and food and make-up. So you can't stop. Some nights when you go home, you can feel cum dripping out of every hole in your body. Then, this whole AIDS and HIV thing started up and everyone who had had me before was scared to come back for another visit. So I couldn't pay the next month's rent or buy food. The night before I got evicted from my apartment, I was bathing in the tub and shaving my legs and underarms. The razor blade was dull and I reached over to the sink to get a new blade, only I didn't put it in the razor. I...I slashed both wrists and it scared the hell out of me...seeing all my blood in the bath water...and I ran out into the hall stark naked and bleeding. I must've passed out because the next thing I remembered was being in the emergency room, here at Kimbrough's."
"Do you have a place to stay now?"
"I...I have a bed at a shelter, not a room. NO privacy."
"How are you supporting yourself?"
"Thanks to you, Doc, I got qualified for disability. Cutting your wrists means I'm some kind of crazy...I also get food stamps!"
No one in the group knew whether to look at her or look down at the floor. When she finished her recitation, she crossed her legs, letting the upper one dangle as she took turns eyeing every guy in the group, including the doctor.
"I used to do that, too," said Cassandra. "I use to turn tricks all up and down Ninth Street until someone played a big old dirty trick on me. He put his big old dirty dick inside me and left a big old wad of dirty cum in my vagina and I went home and washed it. And it all came out in the wash except that big old dirty infection of HIV. And no matter how hard I scrubbed...it just wouldn't go away. And I would gladly give it away to just anyone who wants it. I was too chicken-shit to cut my wrists, I went to the drug store, bought three bottles of 'Nytol', went home and swallowed seventy-six tablets."
"I have HIV, too." said Hank, the wrestler, surprising all of the other group members. "I ain't gay or nothin'. But I got it the same way. Down at the gym where I work out...you ain't a man unless you can take another man up the ass...Hell, it's been goin' on for years and years...All us guys do it...It's just sorta like an initiation when you start wrestling seriously. Fuck, no one knows who got it first...it don't matter, I guess, 'cause a whole bunch of us got it...and now we just assume EVERYONE of us has it and we just keep on fuckin' each other...I mean, shit, what harm can it do now?...Anyone else in here have it?"
"Guilty." came from Kyle, the 'GQ' hunk. "I've been HIV positive for eight years and took enough cocktails to cure half of Manhattan. I thought I had it arrested until I got my last t-cell count. Somewhere along the way, the medicine stopped doing its magic and now nothing can help. I know that the least little infection or germ can invade my system and I'll be a goner. Before I got it, I was making big bucks modeling and playing small roles on soap-operas. I made money selling sex, too. To women AND to men...whoever wanted to pay the higher price won the bid. Back then, no one even thought about condoms except for the clap...Nowadays, it's not even safe to take a piss in a public toilet unless you can whiz through a rubber with a hole in the end of it. I know my days are numbered. I left New York and came back to my home in Briarwood to die. I just tried to speed up the clock by overdosing on barbiturates."
"I'm gay," announced Kate, "but I'm lucky. I don't have the curse...you know, the plague? That's one advantage lesbians have over the guys. Oh, we get it too...but not as often. Most of the body fluids we consume is in out mouths, where you don't get it as easily unless you have a sore or a cut on your gums or tongue. There was this one group I went to where they said that brushing your teeth and putting little cuts in your gums can cause you get it. I haven't been tested in about six months, but I think I'm still OK. I feel all right. My problem is just me...I'm a man...a man with a vagina. Once every two weeks I even grow enough hair on my face to shave. My parents kicked me out of the house when I refused to wear dresses and pink panties. Huh! I've never had a pair of pantyhose on in my life. When I strap on a dildo, I can be more of a man than any of you guys in this room! But society says I'm a freak, that I don't belong. I don't fit in except with my own kind. I got fed up with trying to please everybody. Nobody wants to love a freak!"
Kate's revelations were followed by a brief silence---then "I think I'm gay. I don't know though..." said Virgil sheepishly. "I think about having sex with guys all the time...but I've never done it. My mother use to dress me in girl's clothes and I'm ashamed to admit it, but I have on white panties right now." His words claimed shame but his voice held a challenge for all. "My mother calls me, 'Virgie' or 'Virginia'. I was never allowed to be a boy and do boy-things. If the law would let her, I think my mother would admit me to a hospital and have my penis cut off and the skin folded to make it look like a vagina so I could really be 'Mother's little girl'. God, I decided I'd rather die than go on trying to be what she wants me to be, so I...I drank a whole bottle of insecticide mixed with creme-de-menthe to hide the odor. I guess you could call that a REAL 'grasshopper'!" Virgil giggled, then sobbed quietly.
"My life is sorta like that." said Josh. "Only my mother doesn't want me to be a girl, She wants me to be a straight 'A' student. She won't allow me a life outside of my books. I have to read and study, day and night. I don't have any friends...male or female...unless their names are Constantine or King Arthur or Anne of Green Gables. Those are my only friends...fictional ones...and at night, when I'm exhausted from reading and when all my books are closed and put away...I'm alone...with no one, nothing in my life. I just wish that some time the phone would ring and it would be for me and someone would be on the other end of the line to say, 'Hi, Josh...How are you, buddy?'. No one's ever done that and as long as my mother is alive, I guess no one ever will."
"I'd call you, Josh," said Sharon, "but I doubt you'd ever return my call. Besides, I don't have time to talk on the phone. I have to take care of the house and tend to my eight brothers and sisters. My Daddy left us when I was twelve and Momma went to work in at Burger Ranch on the graveyard shift. I had to quit school and take care of the house...do all the cooking and washing and ironing and sewing...and the mothering and the doctoring and everything else you have to do to keep the house in order while Momma sleeps during the day. I've never been out on a date, either...never been to a prom. I took the kids to see Walt Disney's 'Mulan', when it first came out and that's the last movie I've seen in years. I know that by the time all the kids grow up and leave, it will be too late for me to have a life. I won't ever get married and have a family of my own. Why should I...and go through all this all over? The cops picked me up standing in the middle of I-75, trying to get hit by a truck. I got out of the house, all right, and landed in a psycho ward."
Everyone in the room looked at the floor this time. Then Doctor Hughes looked at Dave.
"What about you, Dave? Would you like to share with us?"
"No...except I wish I was dead. I've tried suicide four times and failed every time. Next time I won't!"
"Do you mind telling us what troubles you?"
"I don't have to tell you---all you have to do is take one look at me and you can see what's been wrong since I was eleven years old...It's my face! LOOK AT IT! Look at the acne scars. No one wants to sit across a table and try to eat, looking at the bumps and the pus running out of them. Sometimes I make my own self sick just looking in the mirror. There's no medicine or plastic surgery that can improve my skin. My parents have spent a fortune on doctors and salves and creams and radiation and laser treatments...and everything they try...when they get through...I look even worse than before. If I could, I would even try to be gay...but no boy would look at me, any quicker than a girl would. My scars are deep... deeper than just my face...my soul is scarred...and then, what you can't see...I have these big red splotches all over my back and my chest. Doctor, I even have acne on the sides of my penis. Now would anyone in this room, gay or straight, like to suck on that one?"
All the room had opened up except Alex. Hearing their stories, he was so ashamed at what he had done, an. over such a trivial matter, His reason for dying didn't hold a candle to theirs. He found himself wishing he had the ability to lie, to tell some whopper to elicit pity from the other group members, but instead realized that was afraid they would laugh at his silly reason for a suicide attempt.
"Alex, you're the last one...do you feel strong enough to share with the group?"
"I don't know what to say...Three days ago, I took an overdose and wound up in the hospital. The reason I did, God, it was so stupid. Hearing what all you have gone through or are experiencing right now makes me too embarrassed to tell you why I did it. I didn't have enough cause to commit suicide, or even think about it. I know one thing...I'll never try it again. My mother is dead and I have a father and a kid brother who love me more than life. I have a best friend, Ted, who's been there for me and with me, all my life...And I got mad at him...over nothing, really...I argued with him and told him to get out of my house...and then , like a dumb little child who doesn't know any better...I thought I would see if the world could get along without me and I decided to leave it by my own hand. Boy, was I STUPID! STUPID! STUPID!...Doctor Hughes, I swear to you in front of all these eleven witnesses, I will never, never, NEVER try to commit suicide again!" Alex felt his face burning, red with embarrassment, with the intensity of his emotions.
"Alex, what did you and your best friend, Ted, argue about? I mean, you're leaving out something, something important. Someone just doesn't have a disagreement with a friend and try to kill himself."
"Do I have to say, Dr. Hughes?"
"No, not unless you want to, Alex."
"Come on, Alex, we all want to hear. We've bared our souls and shared our secrets with you. What did you do that you think is worse than what we did?"
"It...it sounds so trivial in retrospect. Looking back, it was hardly anything...anything at all."
"So if it's not 'anything', why can't you tell us?" Kyle insisted.
"OK, look!" Alex replied. "I know lots of you are gay, but I'm not! At least, I didn't think I was. Hell, I don't know. I'm so mixed up."
"So you and Ted had sex together? Is that it?"
"Kinda..." Alex's voice was small.
"Did Ted rape you or fuck you in the ass?" came from Helen.
"No!"
"Shit!" said Helen, loudly, "What the fuck did you and Ted do?"
"We...we masturbated...together..." Alex replied.
"And then...?"
"That's all. I...I masturbated him and he did it to me while we were looking at a porno tape."
"That was it?" Hank shouted. "You jerked off together with your best friend like any normal teenagers and you got angry and threw him out of your house? Jesus Christ! That's no reason to kill yourself. Fuck! I've been taking dicks up my ass for a long time. If me and the guys at the gym only jerked each other off, I'd be happy as a bunny rabbit on Easter morning."
"IT WASN'T JUST THAT!" Alex screamed. "It was what I felt after Ted left. I...I watched the porno tape again...and I kept wishing...I kept wishing that that was Ted and me doing what the guys on the tape were doing. I...I wanted to have sex with Ted and it scared the heck out of me! My...my mother's dead and my dad says she's always watching me. I was so ashamed of what I did and afraid she had seen me and read my thoughts...I...I couldn't bear the embarrassment of it!"
"That's enough, Alex," Dr. Hughes said, comforting him.
"No! Let me finish, please," Alex said, in more control of himself. "Then, after you, Dr. Hughes, told me that what happened between Ted and me was normal...a natural thing that all guys my age do...I...I felt better and my shame seemed to subside."
"You don't feel guilt any longer?"
"I guess not, because the day I got home from the hospital, I had already talked with my dad. I thought my younger brother ought to know what happened in case he ever went through the same thing that I did."
"How did your brother react when you told him?"
"Don't laugh at me, but my admission to him made him horny and he wanted me to tell him every detail of what went on between Ted and me."
"...And did you tell him?"
"Yes. I told him and before I knew it, I was showing him."
"How to masturbate?"
"Yes."
"He didn't know?"
"No, but he sure learned real fast and, almost instantly, he became addicted to it."
"Did you two touch each other?" Hank asked.
"Yeah."
"And afterward, did you feel guilty or ashamed?" Dr. Hughes inquired this time.
"I guess not, because we did it again last night."
"Man, you gotta teach each other how to give blow jobs!" Hank interjected.
"I...I don't think that will ever happen."
Once again, it was Dr. Hughes who asked the next question, "And Ted? How do you fell about him now? Are you still angry with him?"
"No, I gotta apologize this weekend. His dad and my dad are taking Ted and me camping."
"...and if something happens between you and Ted on the camping trip, are you going to wind up in the emergency room like last time?"
"I don't think so, Dr. Hughes. I've been doing a lot of thinking and if Ted forgives me and is willing, I...I might want to try other things with him. I heard lots of you say you were gay and I think now that I might be gay, too."
"All I can suggest, Alex, is that you go slowly and take one action at a time, if you think you're gay. Remember, Ted might have been acting as a normal curious teenager. Ted might not have gay feelings for you as you seem to have for him. It might be Ted who gets upset and tries something foolish or dangerous to himself or to you. Talk about it first. Tell him how you feel. Relationships are built on trust, understanding, and complete openness. I hope everything works out for the best for both of you."
"Hear! Hear!" shouted Hank.
"Listen to what Dr. Hughes said to you," offered Kyle. "If it's mutual and if it's the real thing between you and Ted, both of you will know it...and you might just be taking a giant step into one of the greatest things in your lives. Relationships are best if you let love guide you through them. Love---that's the best part of sex and more importantly, the best thing in life."
When Dr. Hughes and Kyle had finished their speeches to Alex, tears had welled up in Alex's eyes. He took a long look at Kyle and felt they had become instant friends. Alex had no designs on Kyle's sexually, but he hoped they would get to know one another better in the future. He felt that all his ten compatriots had supported his decision, each in his own way and he had matured so much in this one session. Actually, he felt cured. However, he would still like to continue coming to the group to see how they were all progressing, especially Kyle. Kyle, who knew he was dying, was suddenly showing Alex how to live.
The session ended and Alex returned home in great spirits. He cooked a big pot of beans and franks for Walter, Jeff, and himself for dinner. While the food was cooking, Alex picked up the phone and dialed Ted.
"Hello?" Ted answered.
"Hi. It's me, Alex."
"You think I don't know your voice after all these years?"
"I just wanted to call and ask if you were going camping with your dad and us this weekend?"
"I wouldn't miss it! Are you going for sure?"
"Yeah...for sure. We need to have a long talk. By the way, what clothes are you taking?"
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(To be continued in "Briarwood" Book Two-chapter fifteen: