Briarwood

All rights reserved. Copyright held by the author. If you are underage or are offended by gay fiction, containing graphic sex and explicit language, please exit now.

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"BRIARWOOD"

Copyright Ritchris, 2006

A dramatic saga

by

Ritch Christopher

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BOOK TEN

"CHRIS AND BEYOND..."

"What say, let's be buddies?

What say, let's be pals?

What say, let's be buddies

And keep up each other's morales?

I may never shout it,

But many's the time I'm blue.

What say, how's about it?

Can't I be a buddy to you?"

"LET'S BE BUDDIES!"

Written for Ethel Merman

for the B'way musical,

"Panama Hattie"

by Cole Porter

Copyright 1940.

Chapter 107

Cliff walked down the hallway, leaving his office and going in to Chris'. Chris had just hung up the phone from talking to his old friend, Bill Russell. He was deep in thought reminiscing his and Bill's youth. Tons and tons of water had passed under the bridge that once joined them...hurt, heartache, young love, anger, bitterness, remorse, to only mention a few. What would it be like to see Bill again, especially now when he was soon to be free from his marriage with the oncoming death of Carolyn, Bill's wife? Chris was so preoccupied in his memories, he hadn't heard Cliff enter his office.

"A penny...

"Huh?" replied Chris.

"A penny for your thoughts..."

"Oh, hi, Cliff."

"Problems? I can see by your expression and the forlorn look in your eyes."

"Is it that obvious?"

"You tell me. You're a priest, the same as I. It's part of our gifts from God to read faces and look beyond the eyes."

"I...I got a telephone call from an old buddy in my hometown."

"Uh oh. Every time I receive a call from an old buddy, it's because he wants something," Cliff said.

"I guess that's universal when it comes to old friends whom you haven't seen or spoken to in years."

"So your buddy DID want something?"

"Yes, a rather unusual request. His wife is at death's door and he wants me to come and say a funeral Mass for her when she passes."

"THAT'S one request I've never experienced from an old buddy. Were you close to his wife as well?"

"Indirectly. You see she and I were interested in him at the same time."

"WOW! That complicates things for you."

"Oh, not really, I've been 'over' him for many years...long before I met Ed. His name is Bill...Bill Russell. He and I were...well, the best way to describe it is...we were teen jerk off buddies."

"He was your first?"

"First and ONLY for many years."

"And you never forgot him."

"No, Cliff, I suppose it's true that one always remembers his first time and never forgets whom it was with."

"Teen love can be wonderful whether you're straight or gay."

"I've been meaning to ask you how your Billy and his soon-to-be young Broadway star are getting along with their relationship."

"They talk six or eight times a day on their cell phone. Billy is planning his first weekend trip to New York to see Marc this Friday afternoon."

"Boy, talk about a long-distance relationship! They must REALLY be in love."

"Roger and I didn't interfere with their weekend arrangements. We don't know how long it will last between them. Roger seems to think Billy will grow weary of flying back and forth from Briarwood to the Big Apple. My feelings are, let love take its course."

"Too bad most parents don't take the same attitude as you and Roger. Remember the song, 'Never Say No' from 'The Fantasticks'?"

"Roger and I take turns singing it in the shower. There's a lot of truth in that. Just say 'no' to your kids, and they'll find a way to do it...with or without the parents approval."

"Do you remember YOUR first love, Cliff?"

"REMEMBER HIM? Ha! I married him!"

"Roger was your first?"

"My FIRST and ONLY, to quote you."

"What about Roger?"

"I was HIS first!"

"And you've been together all these years?"

"EVERY ONE of them!"

"That's wonderful! I...I've often thought what would have happened if Bill has chosen me over Carolyn..."

"Did you get a hint from him while you were talking with him that he still might be interested in you?"

"I don't know. I...I was sitting here wondering, before you came in, if 'I' could ever be interested in him again!"

"Well, I'm sure you'll find out when you go to visit him. You ARE going, aren't you?"

"I suppose. It's just, I hate leaving you with all the responsibilities of St. Genesius, all alone."

"You survived while Roger, Billy, and I gallivanted all over New York and New Hampshire."

"Barely...Everything went well with the exception of the long sessions of confessions. I've often wondered why some people don't keep what they 'believe' to be sins, to themselves."

"HA! Sometimes they just want to brag. They're in their fifties or sixties and have to tell someone, usually me or you, ALL about their newly revived sex life. Others come to confession because they have no one to talk with and just need some attention. I used to think that half the things which they told me in confession were all made up. It was just an excuse to get to talk privately to me...or you. Then once we pronounce their penance, they feel cleansed again...free from their sins. Before you met Ed, I discussed the matter of confessions with him from a medical standpoint."

"Oh?"

"I used to tell him that I believed half of the confessions which I hear every week would decrease by half if the parishioner was on a good antidepressant."

"I never thought of that, Cliff, but you might just be right!"

"You know, the real reason of my visit to you...I wanted to see if you wanted to go to Starbuck's for a cuppa."

"Caffe lotte?"

"Or caffe blanc mocha. That's Roger's favorite."

"Sure, why not?"

"Besides," Cliff added, "I'd like to hear more about your 'Bill'."

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At Starbuck's, Chris told Cliff about his discovering Bill with the janitor at St. Anne's. Cliff smiled and said, "Well, thank God it was the janitor and not the priest. There's finger-pointing at the Catholic Church from all corners of the globe."

"Oh, none of us guys at St. Anne's had any problem with Father Renshaw. The man suffered from congenital halitosis. His breath smelled so bad, we often thought he was dead and had been revitalized as a zombie. None of us never knew what he ate, but it had the fragrances of cloves, vanilla wafers, and cow manure! Had he been sent to Joseph Lister's laboratory before they invented mouthwash, the scientists would have given up their research and developed airplane propellers instead of Listerine."

Cliff laughed out loud. "So did you confront Bill about his tryst with the janitor?"

"I did and I guess if I hadn't, I wouldn't be gay today..."

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After Chris saw Billy receiving oral sex, Chris ran home, crying and went up to his room, locking the door behind him. Half an hour later, Billy knocked on the Curtis' back door and Katherine invited him in.

"Is Chris home, Mrs. Curtis?" Billy asked.

"Yes, go on up to his bedroom. I'm sure he's expecting you."

Billy climbed the stairs, two steps at a time, ran down the short hall and tried to turn the knob on Chris' bedroom door.

"Hey, Chris! It's me, Billy!" Chris remained silent, hoping that Billy would get discouraged and go away. "CHRIS! I know you're in there because your mother told me so!"

"I DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU TODAY, BILLY!"

"All right! Then, I'll unzip my pants and jerk off here in the hallway and get my sperm all over the carpet! I'm sure your mother will be watching me!"

"You wouldn't dare!"

"Oh, wouldn't I? I'm unbuttoning my pants now..."

Chris jumped off his bed and ran to the door to open it ASAP. "Get in here, you idiot! Do you think my mother heard you?"

"Not unless she can hear from all the way in your backyard. She went outside just as I came up the stairs. I think she was bringing in some sheets and stuff off the clothesline."

"Billy, don't EVER tease me like that again. If my mother knew what we did yesterday, she'd be mortified."

"SO? You ready to go for round two today?"

"No! Not today! Not ANY day! Not forever!"

"Shit! We really didn't do anything. I touched you and you shot off like you had a hair-trigger on your dick!"

"Billy! I want to ask you ONE QUESTION and I WANT THE TRUTH! Our friendship depends on how you answer."

"Shoot! I've never lied to you intentionally!"

"Billy, what were you doing at St. Anne's this afternoon?"

"St. Anne's? Who said I was at St. Anne's?"

"I DID because I SAW YOU THERE!"

"Oh, that was you, huh...slamming the door!"

"Yes, it was I!"

"What did you see?"

"Enough!"

"Aw, hell! That was nothing, Chris."

"NOTHING? Billy, you're queer, aren't you?"

"Hell, no!"

"What was Titus doing to you?"

"Oh, that..."

"YES, THAT!"

"Well, Chris, it's called a blow job, although if you look it up in the library, it'll be referred to as 'oral sex'."

"But why did you let him do that to you?"

"OK. He's done it to me before...MANY times."

"Oh, my gosh, Billy! How could you stoop so low?"

"Well, actually, it was old Titus who was stooping low. I was just sitting there on the table enjoying it."

"BUT you were inside the church! My goodness, don't you feel the sanctity of the church when you're inside it?"

"Chris, I don't think there's anything sacred about the broom closet. When I march down the aisle on Sunday during Mass, I'm carrying a crucifix, NOT a broom or a mop!"

"You know that the Church teaches that homosexuality is a sin and yet, you were less than thirty feet from the Host on the altar."

"I wasn't doing any kind of homosexuality. I didn't do anything to Titus. It's his ass if he wants to confess it to Father Renshaw, not mine."

"Have there been others besides Titus?"

"You want the truth?"

"ALWAYS!"

"I won't name names, but there have been seven others..."

"OH, MY GOD! Billy, I suddenly feel as if I don't know you. How can we be best friends if you keep things like that from me?"

"OKAY! Here's your 'SECOND' truth! I...I was warming you up so that maybe you and I could be that intimate."

"You think I'd ever give YOU oral sex?"

"No, but I might do it to you since I've never given it to anybody else."

"DAMN!"

"You MUST be upset because I've never heard you curse before..."

"Tell me, Billy, where does Carolyn fit into your sessions with your oral sex buddies?"

"I'm in love with Carolyn. I respect her as a Catholic in good faith! I'd never have any kind of sex with her until we're married...but look at it from MY point of view. When a guy needs to get off and he has no girl to 'get off' with...a guy has to find whatever outlet is available to him. NOW, Mister Prim and Proper Goodie Two-shoes! Let ME ask YOU one question and I'll expect the same kind of honest answer which I gave you."

"What is it?"

"All my talk, just now, about oral sex...did it get you aroused?"

"What do you mean?"

"I'm asking if you have a hard on right now?"

"I...I..."

"Come on, don't hem and haw, what's the truth?"

"Maybe...a little."

"Let me feel." Billy reached quickly and grabbed the crotch of Chris' pants and squeezed. "AHA! Just as I thought! You are normal! You DO get excited!"

"Please, let go of me! You're hurting my testicles, Billy!"

"Afraid you'll shoot off again, like the last time I touched you?"

"Billy! PLEASE! NO!"

Chris' pleading was too late as he filled his pants, underwear, and a small part of Billy's hand with his semen, once again."

"My God, Chris! You're Johnny-on-the-spot with that thing of yours! I never saw anyone climax as fast as you in my life."

"I'm so sorry, Billy, but you brought it on, yourself!"

"Chris, for crying out loud! Stop apologizing for being human. I told you the other day that I love you. Well, I do! I love you so much that I want you to be as regular of a guy as I and everyone else our age. Come on, step out of those soiled clothes and go wash up in the bathroom. Let's see what we can do about getting those cum stains out of your clothes."

"It seems like every time I'm around you, Billy, I wind up having to do laundry!"

"Cleanliness is next to oddliness!" Billy joked. "And Chris, sometimes you ARE odd!"

Billy knelt down to help Chris take off his pants and underwear as carefully as possible to keep Chris' body fluid in the least space, so there wouldn't be too much to wash. Slowly, Billy put his fingers in the waist band of Chris' briefs and pulled them down. He was amazed to see that in spite of the orgasm, Chris still had an erection. The helmet of Chris' penis was painted milky white from the climax and Billy looked around for a tissue or something to wipe up the residue. Seeing nothing, Billy just leaned forward and licked the fluid with his tongue.

Suddenly as soon as Chris felt the warm lap, Chris became weak from the shock and his knees buckled under him causing Chris to fall backward on the floor. Billy was no quitter! He kept Chris' organ in his mouth and rode Chris all the way down with a thud.

"STOP IT! WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BILLY?" Chris screamed.

"Since you're my first, I thought I might as well finish the job."

Chris drew both hands to his face and covered it out of sheer embarrassment. Billy felt now that he had Chris' approval and continued his quest. Only two or three minutes later, Chris unleashed his second load into Billy's mouth. Billy coughed, sputtered, gagged, and held his breath until he had devoured the last gram of Chris' discharge.

Chris lay still on the floor, trying to get his breath, but mostly, trying to think what to say to Billy. What made it so difficult for Chris, was the fact he had never felt anything as wonderful in his life, but was too ashamed to admit it...to himself and especially to Billy!

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Cliff sipped his coffee and smiled at Chris. "And that was your first time?"

"If you can call it that...yes!" Chris replied. "What about your first time?"

"It's no great secret. Roger and I were about your age...fourteen or fifteen. We were highly competitive in sports...ALL sports. But as you can imagine, knowing both of us as you do, Roger was a much better athlete than I. He was almost as militant concerning athletics as he is today about business deals. Roger loved to win...just as he loves winning, still. Many time in two-man sports such as tennis, handball, racquet ball, and especially wrestling, I would 'let' Roger win, just to keep him in a good mood. He loathed losing and whenever he lost to ANYONE, I was subjected to his grouchy demeanor, and rather than risk making my own life miserable after he had lost a match, I'd let him be victorious. It was better for both of us in the long run. We were wrestling in the gym wearing our singlets and as usual, we both found ourselves with raging erections. Well, one thing led to another and soon we were wrestling sans singlets and engaged in our first sexual encounter."

"Wrestling, huh? I've heard MORE stories about guys learning about their sexuality while wrestling with their best friends...more so than watching porn together, leading to a mutual masturbation session."

"There's no other sport with erotic body contact than the sport of wrestling. Some high schools AND colleges require their wrestlers to wear jock straps, just to keep the crowd of observers in the stands, from seeing their inevitable penile protrusions," Cliff replied. "Of course in mine and Roger's day, none of us wore anything underneath our singlets. Time and again, the coach would let any two guys practice in the gym by themselves...and as soon as they felt the other's erectile predicament, it was just a quick hop from the mat to the showers where they got to know each other VERY well."

"I suppose I was too damned naive to know that Bill was trying to seduce me. I mean, just the idea of his putting my organ in his mouth was disgusting...and SINFUL!"

"How long did it take you to get over your inhibitions about male sex, Chris?"

"Oh, about two more sessions with Billy. I mean, the first orgasm was enough to make ANYONE addictive to the physical pleasure. This is funny, but the first time that Billy went down on me and I ejaculated in about two seconds, I collapsed. My whole body went limp and in my mind, I felt as if I was experiencing some kind of LSD hallucination. I...I don't know what made me say it, but as soon as Billy finished, he looked up at me and said, 'how was it?' and I replied, 'I think I just saw God'!"

Cliff laughed out loud. "Well, that's one way of looking at it!"

"Ha! Not when you're a devout Catholic with the intention of going into the priesthood."

"So what did you do afterward?"

"Like an idiot, I told Billy to leave my house and never come back. Then, later that night, I had a long talk with my dad about it!"

"That was brazen."

"TELL ME! You should have seen the look on my dad's face. I mean, only the night before, my dad had told me how natural it was to masturbate with Billy, but when I described the first blow job Billy had given me, I actually saw the blood leave my dad's face. He turned as white as a ghost."

"I...I gather your dad didn't give his consent concerning oral sex the way he did about masturbation!"

"You gathered right!"

"And so...?"

"And so, I was so damned excited reliving what Billy had done to me, I couldn't get it out of my thoughts or mind. That night, I must have masturbated by myself, half a dozen times. Each time, I dreamed of Billy going down on me. I'm sure it's the same with crack addicts after their first experience. They want MORE crack and 'I' wanted MORE blowjobs from Billy!"

"Did it occur to you to offer Billy any form of reciprocation?"

"Oh, no. If Billy wanted to become a queer, that was HIS business. I would become his willing straight partner...and nothing more! I know everyone reads in the daily newspapers about the number of gay Catholic priests...but 'I' was not going to become one of them."

"I presume that you finally gave in..."

"Sure! I didn't become gay on my own."

"When did you first get the inclination that you were gay?"

"About a month later when Billy took a chance on a dare he'd made to himself and kissed me."

"That must've rocked your boat!"

"It did! It turned my boat upside down. I'd never kissed anyone and as soon as Billy's lips touched mine, I...I fell completely and totally in love with him."

"Did he feel the same way about you?"

"Not for a long time! Billy was head over heels in love with Carolyn. I was only a side show attraction. Carolyn was the main event in Billy's life."

"Did another guy come into your life while you stood around waiting for your turn with Bill?"

"No, Bill was the only one until I went to college."

"Did your relationship with Bill end on a sour note?"

"Like a freshly squeezed persimmon!"

"What happened?" Cliff asked.

"I was tired of playing second fiddle. I thought if I could get Bill off to myself, away from Carolyn...JUST FOR A WEEKEND...I could win him over to my side. So, I convinced him to go away with me to Atlanta on our high school spring break...Easter holidays to be exact. I knew I was letting everyone down, my parents, and especially the Church to be away for the high holy days, but I was determined to plant my flag in Bill's 'Iwo Jima' and claim him as mine.

"Bill was reluctant about going, especially Easter weekend, but he gave in when he saw I had spent practically everything I had in my bank account for hotel reservations at the Omni Hotel...tickets for a Broadway touring company of 'City of Angels' which had won the Tony, the year before...I had budgeted dinner plans at the very best restaurants in Atlanta, and had found out the names of several hot gay bars. Everything was planned down to the last detail!"

"Sounds like an exciting weekend for two!"

"It did, didn't it?"

"You didn't go?"

"Bill and I were going to leave right after school on Wednesday, drive to Atlanta and spend Wednesday night, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, and Sunday morning, then leave to come home by Sunday evening in time to go back to Riverwind High on Monday morning."

"And...?"

"And so, I packed up all my clothes and gear Wednesday afternoon and drove to Bill's house to pick him up. I beeped my horn and he didn't come out. So I got out of my car and knocked on his door. His mother answered and said how surprised she was to see me. I asked her if Bill was up in his room and if he was packed ready to go. His mother asked, 'Go where?'. I told her about our planned trip and she said that I must be mistaken. Bill was over at Carolyn's house getting everything ready to announce the first bond of matrimony after Easter Mass."

"Jesus, Chris! You had no idea...?"

"NONE WHATSOEVER! I mean...the money I had spent was immaterial. Here was my best friend, the person I was in love with. The person who took my virginity...who gave me my first kiss...who made me stray from my beliefs and the Church's liturgy...all for naught!"

"What did you do?"

"I drove back home, went up to my room and stayed in bed without eating a bite or coming downstairs until it was time to go to school on Monday!"

"Did you see Bill and Carolyn at school, Monday?"

"Yes, dear God! She was showing off her engagement ring to anyone who would look at it. Bill would stand sheepishly behind her. He never once looked my way."

"That was what? March? April? With two or three months left of your senior year?"

"April! I...I never spoke to him in all that time. When we went to church to help Father Renshaw with Mass, I refused to look at Bill. I think he was too embarrassed to look at me. I KNOW damned well he didn't have the guts to start a conversation or try to speak to me."

"That must have been a strain on you."

"Yeah, but before Bill came into my life as a 'some time' lover, I was used to being a loner. So it was just a matter of adjusting my life 'B.B.'...before Bill. Then, from out of the blue, he calls me at St. Genesius wanting me to perform last rites and say a funeral Mass for Carolyn."

"After what you said earlier about taking some time off, I presume you're going to do it."

"Cliff, you know me! My duties as a priest come first in my life. If Bill and/or Carolyn believe that my prayers will alleviate some of the pain they're going through...I have no choice but to say 'yes'. That's my promise to God."

"You're a fine man, Chris and a dedicated minister. We are so lucky to have you at St. Genesius. You know how much Roger and I love you...as do all the Briarwood Boys."

"I felt your love the day we met when I asked to be your assistant. Of course, if it hadn't've been for you and Roger, I would have never met Ed, the love of my life..."

"That was God's way of working things out for you and Ed. He meant for you two to be together."

"I just miss him so much."

"Do you think there's a chance of re-sparking your relationship with Bill, once Carolyn is gone?"

"NO WAY! It's not that I can't forgive him, I HAVE to...but, I knew that Bill wasn't part of God's plan for my life."

"Roger and I were sure that you were about to engage upon a new relationship with Will Danforth."

"That...that might have been, but Forrest was the ideal soul mate for Will and they're doing just fine."

"So, do you plan on living in that big mausoleum by yourself for the rest of your life? I mean it was fine for you and Ed, but it IS rather large for one person."

"When the time is right and when God's ready to steer me and another person whom he's chosen, I make out alone..."

"Oh, dear God, I'd better not let Jay hear anything about your wanting to live alone. He'll be matchmaking for you and every available male in Briarwood...even the male visitors."

"Jay's a lovable corker. I...I could never understand why he and Troy never moved out of your house and got a place of their own."

"Jay has always believed that it was his job and appointed duty to take care of me, Roger, our house, and now, Billy...along WITH Troy. He's firmly convinced that without him, Roger and I would never have a meal to eat. Our house would never be cleaned or organized the way he runs it."

"But when Roger gave the Briarwood Boys his endowment gift, didn't Jay and Troy get their shares?"

"Yes, they got their millions the same as the other boys and to be perfectly frank, I don't think neither Jay nor Troy have spent a single dime of it."

"How was Lee doing when you left him in New York?"

"Lee and Hunter are more deeply in love than any couple I know this side of Canada."

"That's great to hear, Cliff."

"Come on, we'd better get back to the factory before they start lining up for the confessional"

"Heaven help us, Cliff!"

"Amen to that, Father Chris!"

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After returning to St. Genesius', both Cliff and Chris went into their respective offices. Chris sat at his desk thinking about the conversation with Cliff over coffee. He knew he was on the horns of a dilemma because he had left the Church of Rome and had become an Anglican. He knew that the Roman Church did not recognize Anglican orders. He had promised Bill he would say a Mass for his wife, but he could only do that in an Anglican Church. Deciding he had to take the bull by the horns, he called Bill.

"Hey Bill, Chris, here!"

"I was just thinking about you," Bill replied.

"How's Carolyn?"

"No change, which makes it good and bad...good for me that I still have her and bad for her because of what's she'd going through. I know the nurses have been giving her dilaudid and traces of morphine for her pain, but I know she's still suffering tremendously. Full doses of morphine are her last hope and after that...well, I'd rather not think about that..."

"I'm sorry, Bill...I REALLY am..."

"Ever since you called and told me about her and what you wanted, well, it's put me in quandary or rather a situation from which extrication is difficult for me in my capacity of a priest."

"What do you mean, Chris?"

"First of all, I'd like to know it you and Carolyn are still active Roman Catholics?"

"Well, actually, neither of us are what you'd call 'practicing' Catholics. About two years ago, Carolyn got into a big argument with Father Ambrose about the Church's stance on condoms...especially for teens who are beginning to experiment sexually. Even down here in Georgia, there's been a new onslaught of HIV among young people. Father Ambrose stood behind the Vatican's viewpoint on the subject and Carolyn stopped speaking to him. She only goes to church festivals now...never to Mass. Then the last time she and Father Ambrose met, he was rather nasty to her and she stopped going to church altogether. I, on the other hand, would go when my conscience pricked me to go. I felt I needed to say a few prayers when she became seriously ill, but I'm afraid that I, too, haven't attended regularly. I still feel my faith is there but my actual participation has dropped to 'ground zero'. It was because of all this mess that I decided to find you and see if you would say Mass since I knew that Carolyn would not want Father Ambrose to do so."

"The only way I could say a Mass in a Roman Church, Bill, was if the Priest of the Church agreed, and his Bishop agreed to let me say the Mass. I know though that that would be impossible. Isn't there a so-called high Anglican Church in Riverwind?"

"Yes, there is Chris. It's called St Michael and All Angels, why do you ask?"

"That's right! I DO remember it...down below Ware's Branch on the west side of town."

"Would you, Bill, and Carolyn like to, or agree to, become Anglican? If you did, then all that would be required would for you and Carolyn to indicate to me or another Anglican Priest, verbally, that you seek membership in the Anglican Communion, then I, or any other priest, could accept you as a new member and welcome you into the fold. It should be done during a service, but that is not necessary. Then if the Father at St. Michael's agrees, I could conduct the Mass with him assisting me when Carolyn passes. You might be able to discuss this with him after you get Carolyn's views, if you can, and make sure you advise him as to why you asked me, telling him of our being friends since we were teens."

Chris could almost hear the sigh that Bill let out. "Chris, you have no idea how much that would mean to me. I had also thought after I talked to you how you could when you were no longer a Roman priest. I was just so anxious to hear your voice and ask you to do this last service for Carolyn that, at first, I did not think of any difficulties. I have met Father James from St. Michael's at a number of functions in town, and I will see him immediately tomorrow or next day at the latest. I will ask Carolyn what she feels she would like to do and have done tonight when I go up to the ward to see her. She has talked about you a number of times since we got married. I...I think she knew how much you really meant to me through the years, since I still kept the picture of us at the old swimming hole before we graduated.

"Right, Bill. For you to change denominations would solve our problems but I would not want you to do so unless you both really, and truly, wanted to change. Most of our services are quite similar but I would have to do some instruction to you both, or if I get there after Carolyn passes to you alone. Call me in the next day or so, Bill, and I will leave here as soon as I can, and hope that I could get there before she passed on."

"Oh, Chris, I will, and I am so very grateful to you. I still love you, man. I'll call as soon as I can. Bye for now, Chris."

"Goodbye, Bill."

Chris sat there after he had hung up, just looking at the phone, and replaying Bill's last few words over in his mind...'I still love you, man'. Why in hell did he have to wait so long to say it? Chris was ready to tell Bill how much he loved him many times, but now with the advent of Carolyn's death, Bill finally said it. It was funny to Chris, just now, as Bill's, 'I love you, man', didn't mean anything to Chris. The years had turned the table on the two best friends.

Chris arose from his desk, opened the door to his closet and pulled out a monk's robe, put it on, tied the belt, and went downstairs to hear one-half of the confessions. Cliff already had a line outside his confessional across the nave.

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Since coming to St. Genesius, Chris kept a miniature counter in his pants pocket, just for fun to keep track of the confessions he listened to every week. Cliff didn't know about Chris' gadget as there was no need for him to know. After an hour and a half of hearing secret sins, Chris looked at his counter and it had registered fifteen confessions. He realized that he was far from being through for the rest of the afternoon and early evening.

As number 'sixteen' was entering the parishioners' side of the confessional, Chris took the time to sip from a glass of water and to put two spearmint-flavored Altoids mints on his tongue to keep his breath fresh. His next confessor was a fairly young man about Chris' age...from what Chris could see of him through the ornate vent which separated the two of them.

"Bless me, Father, for I have sinned..." said the man.

"How long has it been since your last confession?"

"I'm not really sure, Father...ten? Twelve years?"

"Are you a practicing Anglican in good faith?" Chris asked.

"I guess not. That's why I want to get my life straight and set things right."

"To what sins to you accuse yourself?"

"Nothing recent, Father. I...I want to confess something that happened many years ago when I was in college..."

"And you've waited until now to confess them?"

"Yes..."

"Why, so long?"

"The time just didn't seem right..."

"But it does now?"

"Very much so, Father."

"Would you like to tell me what you did in college that deterred you from confessing until now? Was it a mortal sin?"

"Is love a mortal sin, Father?"

"No, love isn't...IF no one was hurt or suffered no tragedy."

"I'm afraid I'm the only one who suffered."

"Can you elaborate?"

"You see, Father, when I was in college, I had a roommate whom I had the biggest crush on..."

"It was a male?"

"Yes, Father, a good-looking hot male."

"Did he find you attractive as well?"

"I think so. We spent many wonderful evenings together making love."

"I see..."

"Father, is it a sin for a male to make love to another male?"

"Well, no, not if it's consensual and there's no adultery involved. Your roommate? He wasn't married, was he?"

"Oh, no! He was quite single, eligible, and ripe for the picking."

"Were you in love with him?"

"Heart and soul!"

"And was he in love with you?"

"He never actually told me that he was, but I felt for sure that he was."

"So where did the sinning come in with your relationship?"

"You see, Father, we didn't begin our relationship until our senior years. Prior to that, we'd both had different roommates..."

"And, graduation was drawing nigh and I wanted to continue our relationship after we set off into the world on our own...only, he had more schooling to attend to..."

"Medical or law school?"

"How I wished! No, Father, he had his heart set on being a priest...a Roman Catholic priest."

"Was he aware he was sinning against the Roman dogma by having a homosexual affair?"

"Yes. I'm sure that's why he never told me that he loved me."

"I can understand that. His religion came first in his live...over you? Is that it?"

"Yes, the last night we were together was just before he left to go to Divinity school or whatever the Roman Catholics call it! I tried everything possible to make him feel as I did. I was so close to making him, 'my own'. That last night was the first and only time, he ever let me perform anal sex on him. I could tell he was enjoying it. God knows, I WAS!"

"So then what happened the next morning?"

"When I awoke, he was gone..."

"Did you try to contact him after that?"

"Yes, I wrote he dozens of love letters, explaining how I felt and wondered if it was possible for him to feel the same way?"

"Did he offer you a reply?"

"He never answered ONE of my letters!"

"So you went off to other pastures, giving up your plight for the priest's affection?"

"I went off...yes, but I never gave up hoping that one day we would meet again and things would be different and he would look at me in the same manner which I looked at him."

"Did you ever see him again?"

"Not until today..."

"You mean, here, in Briarwood?"

"Yes, Chris, when I saw you enter this booth, my heart actually stopped!"

Chris stopped the inquiry to let things register in his mind before realizing that he knew whom he was talking with and the 'he' was the priest.

"Brad...? Brad DILLARD???"

"Yes, Chris. It's me."

"But...how...why?"

"I backtracked your steps and went to the mission in Atlanta where I was told where you were and that you had changed from Roman Catholic to the Anglican Church."

"Why were you looking for me?"

"Chris, as I said, I never gave up hope that one day we would meet and resume our relationship where we ended it."

"My God! I don't know WHAT to say, Brad!"

"Something like...you're glad to see me."

"Well, of course, I am. Do you think it's possible that we could spend some time together later this evening?"

"Certainly! Are you staying at a hotel?"

"No, I didn't check into one. I had to see first if you were here!"

"In that case, you must stay at my house tonight. I have this huge place with half a dozen spare bedrooms. We can fix dinner together and talk about old times."

"Dear God in heaven, Chris! You've chilled me to the bone. If you can see me, you'll notice that my hands are shaking. I've waited ALL these years just to see you again...to hear your voice...to look into your eyes."

"Brad, don't expect us to get involved physically when you come home with me."

"I won't! Just seeing you and talking with you will suffice."

"I suppose we DO have a lot to talk about, Brad. I'll be through here in a couple of hours if you want to wait or go somewhere for a cup of coffee or a drink and come back later."

"I'll just find me a pew to sit in. I don't want to take a chance of losing you again."

"Brad, do you want an absolution for your confession?"

"Do you think I need one?"

"...No...I really don't..."

Brad left the confessional and soon he was replaced by the next 'sinner'. Brad's hands were the only ones which were shaking. Chris' were too. Suddenly ten long years ago, swept Chris' memory back to the time he spent with Brad. Yes, damn it! Chris was very much in love with Brad at the time...but at that time, being in love with him was impossible...too many religious ties and barriers separated them. But now...?

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Carolyn slipped in and out of consciousness as Bill stayed by her side. The two had remained faithful to each other during their marriage. Bill took his hand to wipe the sweat on Carolyn's brow and to comb her hair back with his fingers off her forehead.

"Can I get you something, honey?" Bill asked, tenderly.

"Some ice, please. My mouth is SO dry..." Carolyn replied.

Before filling a blue hospital cup with ice, Bill broke the seal on a glycerin swab to moisten her tongue. The swab was sweet...almost like a tiny lollipop. She smiled at Bill, thanking him. Then he took a spoon of ice and placed it into her mouth.

The ice was rather invigorating to Carolyn. She was cognizant at this time and asked Bill, "Did you talk with Chris?"

"Yes, I did."

"Is he coming?"

"Maybe by the end of the week..."

"Did you ask him about...you know...?"

"He's agreeable if we can make it possible for him..."

"What do you mean?"

"He asked if we could ask Father James at St. Michael's Anglican Church to accept our Roman baptism and allow us to become members of his church..."

"Is that possible?"

"Chris said it was."

"Bill, at least, when it's time, I can go as a Christian in good standing. Not an outcast of Father Ambrose's idiocy!"

"You wouldn't mind becoming an Anglican?"

"Bill, of course not. If I remember my English history correctly, the Anglican Church began as a refuge from Roman Catholic outcasts. The Anglican Church has survived for almost five-hundred years. It believes in the same God as the Vatican..."

"Then, if you have no objections, I'll call Father James and ask him to come by to start the proceeding or whatever is necessary for us to become members of St. Michael's."

"Then, can Chris do what we want...?"

"As long as Father James gives permission..."

"Bill, that would make me SO happy..."

"Sweetheart, I'd do anything to make you happy..."

"I know...I only wish I could have given you the same amount of happiness that you've given me.

"But, you have, darling," Bill said.

"No, Bill, I kept you from having what you wanted most in the world..."

"You mean children?"

"No, Bill, perhaps if we had had children, my ovaries might not have developed cancer. I WASN'T TALKING ABOUT CHILDREN, BILL. I...I was talking about Chris..."

"What?"

"Oh, don't give me that look of surprise. Bill, I knew that you loved Chris more than you loved me when we married."

"Carolyn, how can you say such a thing?"

"Bill, it's not my dilaudid or morphine talking, right now! I'm alert and oriented times four! I've always known you kept a special place in your heart for Chris."

"Chris and I were best friends...nothing more!"

"Bill, can you honestly, look in straight into my eyes and deny that you had sexual relations with Chris..."

"Carolyn, don't even ask me such a ridiculous thing!"

"Bill, I'm dying! Did you forget? Do you want to remember me by lying to me on my deathbed?"

"Honey, please stop! I...I don't like to talk about things like this."

"Bill, DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT HAVE SEX WITH CHRIS?"

Bill dropped his head and softly confessed, "Yes...yes, I did..."

"And did you love him?"

"I...I thought I did...but, I married you because I must've loved you more."

"Bill, when I'm gone, do you think you could resurrect your feelings for Chris?"

"NO! Of course not!"

"It would make me happy if you did."

"WHY, FOR GOD'S SAKE?"

"At least I could die, knowing that you were with someone you loved and not alone."

"Carolyn, even if I could renew my feelings for Chris, I don't know if Chris is involved in a relationship. He probably is..."

"Well, I guess we can find out when he comes here this weekend..."

"Carolyn, I'm NOT going to ask Chris about his private life. I mean relationships, as you well know, are things which cannot be turned on and off like a water faucet!"

"Bill, will you make an effort to find out?"

"Does it mean that much to you?"

"Yes, it does, Bill..."

"Then, I'll see what I can do...BUT, I'm making NO promises!"

"Just try, Bill, that's all I'm asking..."

"I will, my love. Now, will you try to get some rest? It's almost time for your next injection."

"WHEE! And I'll be flying high again!"

"Carolyn, I DO love you..."

"And I love you too, Bill. I'm just so sorry I have to leave you."

"In my heart, dear one, you'll never leave me..."

"I...I hope I can for Chris' sake."

Bill left her bedside with a worried look on his face. Could or DID he still love Chris...and COULD Chris love him again...?"

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(To be continued in 'Briarwood'---'Chris and beyond...'---chapter 108.)