Author's Note: Hello again. My life lately has had some downs. Before My last installment I was told by doctors that I had a hole in my heart. And that I would eventually need surgery. But just when I thought I couldn't go any further I found the most loving and caring man. Words can not show how much he means to me. I want to thank him and let him know that I love him. He knows who he is. With his help he lifted my spirits and helped through some very bad times. Well on Sept. 21 I had to go and have a check up on my heart. The hole is completely gone. The doctors are shocked but I believe It healed because I no longer had a broken heart. I want thank all of you who sent me e-mails. Now if haven't read the stories Just Beginning, When You Say Nothing At All, or NSYNC Love, then you need to they are very good stories.
Legal Note: If you are offended by homosexual acts, or not old enough to read this then leave. Other wise enjoy. Also This does not mean that any of the Backstreet Boys or NSYNC are gay or BI.
All comments suggestions are welcome. You can reach me at wesleym2@yahoo.com or at my ICQ #47618266.
I awoke to the sun shining in through the windows. I turned my head and saw Brian still asleep. He looked like an angel laying there. I remembered the events from the day before and became upset. I decided I need to get up and take a walk to clear my head. I was able to get up and dressed with out waking Brian. I wrote a note and left it on my pillow. I grabbed my key and wallet and headed out. Every one was still asleep. I got in the elevator and pushed the button for the lobby. When I got to the lobby I left the hotel. I had no idea where I was going but I really didn't care. I thought about all the trouble I had been for every one but I also thought how they all cared for me. I loved Brian and nothing could change that.
The Hotel
Brian woke feeling I wasn't there. He opened his eyes and looked at where I had slept. He saw the note and picked it up.
Dear Brian,
I want to say that I love you and not to worry I have just gone for a walk. I wanted you to sleep because we would be leaving pretty soon for our next stop. I had to think over the things that have been happening lately. It seems that every time we have something good happen something bad pops up. Again I love you and I will be back.
Love Forever,
Mark When Brian had finished reading the note he knew everything would be ok. He got up and took a shower and then got dressed. When he finished he started packing our stuff and get everything ready to be taken down stairs, I walked in. I had been gone for about 3 hours. Brian smiled at me and gave me a kiss.
"Brian can we talk for a little while?"
"Sure what's up?"
"Well we need to set a date, and I was thinking sometime around Christmas."
"That sounds great, how about the 23rd?"
"That's good but what about management how are we going to get them to give us the time off?"
"Well if they refuse to give us that time I will quit the group because nothing will ever come between my love for you."
"Brian I don't want that, there has to be away to avoid that." I was almost in tears.
"Don't worry Mark, we will figure something out, but you mean more to me than anything in this world." I was happy but sad, Brian would sacrifice something he has been a part of for years just for me. I got up and hugged him. Then as usual something always interrupts the moment. This time it is someone knocking at the door. I get up and answer the door.
"Hey, what's up Kevin?"
"Just checking to make sure everything is ready to go."
"Yea we are ready just talking."
"Oh well we have to leave in an hour so get down stairs."
"Okay dad" me and Brian said. We grabbed what we were taking on the bus with us and headed to the lobby. We didn't show any kind of affection in public because of Brian's career. But we knew it had to be this way. Kevin was already down stairs waiting on the rest of the guys. We smiled at him and he smiled back. But no words were spoken because we all knew that if some said something he would start preaching about the other guys being late. We waited for another 30 min. when all of them exited the elevators.
"Ok guys the bus is here so lets get loaded." I walked out and the bus was large. But there had to be enough room for 12 people plus security and bus drivers. We loaded and I sat down in the lounge. Brian sat in the front of the bus. Once everyone was on the bus we were off. In the lounge there was me, Justin, J.C., A.J., and Chris. Britney was laying down in her bunk. Kevin, Brian, and Howie were sitting up front and Nick was asleep in his bunk. Joey and Lance were also trying to sleep. In the lounge Chris sat across from me and A.J. sat next to me. Justin and J.C. sat next to each other next to Chris. Every one was watching t.v. except me and Chris. I was reading and Chris just stared at me. If looks could kill I would have been dead. I could feel his cold stare but tried to ignore it. But then you can only take so much before you have to know why.
"Chris, what do you have against me?" I said still reading.
"I just don't trust you"
"Why,"
"Well you claim that you have never heard of us (the BSB and NSYNC) but you seem to know more than you put on that you do."
"I really have told you all the truth. Are you thinking I'm using this to get popularity? Or money?"
"That's exactly what I think. I think you knew that you had a heart problem but didn't have the funds to correct it and I think you set up that event at the Mall where you first met Brian." By now A.J., Justin, and J.C. was listening to Me and Chris. They couldn't believe their ears.
"I have never or will ever use any one for fame or money. I love Brian with all my heart and would gladly die to save his life."
"Would you leave the tour to save his career and his life as well so that he can go on without worrying about being found out he was gay?" By now Kevin and those in front of the bus were in the lounge to see what was going on. Brian was hurt because what Chris was saying. I looked up at Chris and answered him with truth.
"Yes I would Chris because I love Brian that much. If I was causing him difficulty in his career and life I would leave so that he can be successful." I had tears running down my face and so did Brian. Chris saw that he was have some success in breaking me and Brian up.
"Well then I think you should look at Brian and see that you are causing him pain." I looked at Brian and saw that he was crying. I didn't know why but it seemed that Chris was telling the truth. I looked back at Chris and replied.
"Your right I am causing Brian pain." I looked up and saw Howie with a smile and even Joey had one. Kevin had anger in his and it was directed at Chris. I turned to Kevin and spoke. "Kevin when we stop again I will be leaving. I will not be the one who causes the groups to break up. I will get a ride to the air port and return home where ever that is." I got up and went to the bunk I was supposed to have and got in it. I could hear every one arguing over the situation and that made it even more clear that I was causing every one pain. Just then the one person that meant the most to me dropped the bomb shell on everyone.
"If Mark leaves the tour," Brian said, "then I leave the Backstreet Boys. I love him to much to let him go. I don't care if he has lack of funds for his surgery or anything else. Me and him built our relationship on trust and friendship. When I was down he was there to pick me up. Hell he even took a bullet to keep me from it. Mark has shown me nothing but love to me and I for one feel like somebody when he is around." Then Nick spoke up.
"When I found out Mark and Brian was a couple I hurt Mark very badly but he forgave me and he has helped me realize that even when Brian and him marry Brian will all ways be there when I need him. Mark has been nothing but a friend to me, a caring friend. I know that him and Brian are right for each other. They help each other out when the other is down. When one is sick the other is there by his side at all times. I know for a fact that Mark never knew about his heart condition till lately because at first I didn't trust so I had management do a full background check on him and you know what it came back clean." Every one was surprised by Nicks actions. Brian gave him a hug. Then Britney told every one how she felt. She wanted me and Brian together. Justin did the same. I finally had enough of the fighting. I got up and entered the lounge area. I looked right at Brian.
"Brian, I have one question and that is, is our love worth it?" He looked up at me and I knew the answer as well as the others.
"Yes Mark it is we have fought hell to stay together and I would fight the devil himself to show every one how much I love you." Kevin, A.J., Nick, Britney, Justin, J.C., and Lance all had smiles on their faces. The others realized that they were wrong but it would take time to heal the wounds they have created. Brian got up and came to and gave the most loving hug and kiss ever. At least the fighting was over for now. The rest of the trip to Boston was ok. Some of the guys slept and the others did other things. Me and Brian we stayed together in the lounge. I had told Brian about Justin and He agreed with me that I should help if I can. I kissed Brian and went to find Justin. He was laying in his bunk crying. I touched him and turned to see who it was.
"Mark why are you here?"
"I came to talk to you, why are you crying?"
"Well it just seems that if I go and try to reveal how I feel to J.C. he won't accept me or the other guys won't. I saw how they treated you earlier. They didn't have any feeling in their body."
"But who was it that did support me and Brian, J.C. did support us so I really do think he may not react as bad as you think. Would you like for me to talk to him"
"Would you, right now if I try I would just mess everything up."
"I will, but promise me that you calm down okay and get some rest." He agreed and I got up and saw J.C. sitting up front with Kevin talking. I easily made my way up to the front and sat down across from J.C.
"Hey Mark you ok?" Kevin asked
"Yeah just a little tired."
"Why don't you go lay down for a little while." He suggested I shook my head and then looked at J.C.
"J.C. I wanted to ask you a question, if someone you knew had a crush on you what you do?"
"Well I would be flattered and would want to know who it is."
"What if that person is a man?" J.C. was knocked back by the question but he could see I was dead serious.
"Well, You know don't you..."
"Know what?" Kevin asked
"Yes J.C. I do but before I wasn't sure, please answer the question"
"Well it's the same answer. And Kevin I hope you don't hate me but..."
"Your gay, is that it well don't worry because if I said I had a problem with it then I would have a problem with my self, I'm gay too." Me and J.C. were shocked but then we all started laughing. After a few minutes we quit and I had to finish what I started.
"J.C., the reason I asked you was because--" I was cut off by Justin.
"Was because I asked him to, Josh, I'm the one who has a crush on you." I looked at J.C. he was smiling.
"Justin thanks for telling me because the person who has been sending you those flowers before each show was me." Justin was on cloud nine. He couldn't be happier. He sat down next to J.C. and kissed him and J.C. returned the kiss. I motioned for me Kevin to give them some privacy. We got up and went to the lounge in the back. I sat down next to Brian and Kevin sat across from us. It was just the three of us. We all talked about things and Kevin came out to Brian and they hugged. Kevin told us that he at the moment had feelings for any one.
The next few months went by pretty fast. There had been some fights but we got through them. But the traveling had gotten the better of me because I had started to lose my strength. At times I just couldn't get out of the bed. I had come down with an infection that was due to the fact that my heart wasn't in very good shape. Kevin told management that they needed to give us a break or else. They agreed and so at our stop at Denver, CO we held a press conference letting the public know that after this stop the tour will be put on hold due to personal and medical reasons. The tour dates missed will be made up and that NSYNC and Britney Spears would continue on a separate tour. Everyone took it well as to be expected. Me and Brian decided to go visit his parents and get my surgery scheduled. They had it scheduled after the new year was over. We hadn't had any trouble out of Leigh Ann, so we thought she had decided to leave us alone or was threatened by some one. So we did. It was four days till Thanks giving when the really bad thing happened, my heart. We had been at Brian's parents house walking around the yard. Brian was showing me all the things he remembered as kid growing up there. Jackie was also with us and we all were enjoying the cool but warm day. Jackie had asked Brian to go get me a jacket because I was shivering. He did. I was talking to her when all of the sudden I passed out.
"Mark -- Mark" She called but couldn't get a response. "Brian!!!!" she yelled "It's Mark!!!" When Brian came to see what was the matter he saw me down on the ground. Both Harold's came running to her. Brian was at my side trying to get me to respond. But no luck. Harold SR. had gotten the car ready and Brian had picked me up and carried me to the car and loaded me. I was at the hospital in less than 30 min. They immediately took me in and they checked my heart. It was the problem. Right then they had to do surgery or I would die. Since Brian was my fiance he okayed it. My mother was called but she wouldn't be able to get to the hospital till the next day because the plane schedule kept her from it. The surgery took about two hours. The doctor came out with a smile.
"Well I have god news Mark will pull through, but he will be very weak for the next few weeks. I under stand you had the very same surgery so you know what to for him. Right now he is resting in a private room. I would like for some one to stay with him till he wakes. If every thing goes well he will be out by this weekend." Brian was very happy. But then was sad, I was going to be here on thanks giving and not at his home with family.
"Brian, we will bring thanks giving to him. His mom will be here now we have more reason to be thankful Mark will live." This brought a smile to his face. The doctor showed them to my room. I was still out but at least my heart beat was better. Brian stayed by my side the entire time I was asleep. He wanted to be the first thing I saw. He stayed by my side when ever I was down and he will when ever I am down. I was out for two days. Mom had arrived and Jackie offered to let mom stay at her home. Mom accepted the invitation. It was going on the third day when I finally woke up.
"Brian, where are you?" As soon as I finished that statement he was up and right next to me.
"I'm here babe, I'm right here." He knew I was scared, but he soon relieved my fear.
"Where are my two mom's?" I asked he chuckled and pointed to the other side of the room. Both were asleep.
"Mom, are you awake?" I asked and both of them jumped up and looked around. They looked over at me and saw I was awake. Both of them walked over and gave me a hug.
"It's good to see you awake Mark." Jackie said mom agreed.
"Well that may be good but I wanted to spend Thanksgiving in a house not a hospital room." I said. They understood how I felt.
"Well you may not be able to have Thanksgiving at my house with your family but you will have it. We are going to bring it here." That brought a smile to my face. My family, new and old would be there. The rest of the day went by very slowly. Every one was in and out. Brian had left only once but he did return and he stayed by my side the rest of the time. There were flowers and get well cards all over the place. Mostly from those of NSYNC, Britney, and BSB. There were even some from Jive which did surprise me. But the best one was the one Brian had got. It was a dozen roses with a little teddy bear saying I Love You and Get Well Soon.
Thanks Giving Day
I awoke to mouth watering smells. I opened my eyes and there in front of me was a breakfast fit for a king. There was eggs, pancakes, sausages, toast, milk, orange juice, and a rose. I looked around the room and saw both Harold's, Jackie, Brian, and my mom. I smiled and Brian came over and gave me a kiss.
"Good morning hun."
"Good morning to you to." Every one said good morning and then we all ate. Brian had to help me eat because there was just too much for me to eat alone. Once we were done Jackie put everything to the side and we all just talked. Brian was kind of jittery for some reason. But he was happy. When the parade came on we all watched it. This year NSYNC was in it. They made an announcement that really made me smile.
"Hey yall, well happy Thanks giving." J.C. said
"Right now we would like to say the a very good friend of ours is in the hospital today because Monday afternoon, he collapsed in Brian Littrell's front yard. He is a very good friend and he is the head body guard for the BSB. The cause of this collapse was because a few months ago the doctors found a hole in his heart. He is doing great now but he really needs your prayers because he still has a long way to go. So Mark if your listening this next song was a special request from someone special." They then sang their new song with Gloria Estephan Music of My Heart. I looked over at Brian and smiled. When they finished I had tears in my eyes because it was so beautiful. I had mom shut the t.v. off.
"Thank you Brian" He smiled. He then got up and came over to me.
"Mark, I know that our relationship has had its ups and downs. But we stuck through it. You asked me to marry and now I ask you, You are the one I have dreamed of. Your love is unconditional, I want us to be together forever, Mark will you marry me?" I looked in his eyes and only saw love. The love he has always showed me.
"Yes Brian I will marry you, and I will always love you." With that he placed the ring he had gotten for me on my hand and then he kissed me. Leave it to a mother to break up a good thing.
"When is the date?" Jackie asked.
" We are going to be married on Dec. 23rd." Brian said.
"Have you gotten all the arrangements done?" I looked at Brian and smiled.
"Just about, Kevin is working on an invitation, Britney is arranging the floral decorations, I have already gotten the place, and some of the guests, the other guys are doing the rest." Brian told his mother.
"Well who are your best men and grooms men?" My mom asked. Me and Brian looked at each other and then looked at them.
"Well we know who we want but haven't asked them." I said.
"Who are they?" Harold SR. asked.
"Well, for me the guys of BSB and Harold JR." Brian said looking at his brother who upon hearing his name and the question was really happy.
"And for me NSYNC." I said. Then Jackie jumped up and announced that they had to go and get dinner finished and up here. Every one but Brian left. He stayed next to me in a chair he had pulled next to my bed. "Brian do you mind if I took a nap?"
"It's okay babe."
"Would take one with me?"
"Sure" I scooted over and he got up on the bed and laid down beside me. Soon we were both asleep. It seemed that no sooner had we gotten asleep we were being woke up by Jackie.
"Come guys you need to get up now." She said softly. I woke up and the gently woke Brian.
"It's time to get up Brian." I said. He got up and stretched. And noticed that everyone was smiling. Jackie had brought the food they had prepared up to the hospital. Brian offered to say grace.
"Our dear heavenly Father, Thank you for this wonderful year. Thank you for my family and a new addition Mark. Thank you for protecting him through this ordeal he has been through and see him safely through it so far. Please use this food to nourish our bodies so that we can serve you in the way you want us. In Jesus Christ's name we ask Amen."
"Amen" was said by all. Jackie had started with fixing plates and my mom got the drinks for every one. Jackie gave me a plate first and gave me a kiss on the fore head. I smiled and thanked her. Soon every one had their plate and was eating dinner. We talked about many different things. The wedding, the tour and other stuff. When every thing was finished everyone left except for Brian. It was getting late and we were both tired. Soon we were asleep.
I awoke the next morning ready to leave the hospital. The doctor hadn't been in yet so I needed to get Brian up before he did. I gave him a kiss to wake him. And wake him it did. He slowly opened his eyes and looked at me.
"Now that is a way to wake up." He said and smiled at me.
"Brian today is Friday and if I'm to get out of here you need to get up before the doctor comes in."
"Okay I understand," He kissed me and got up. After he got up he headed for the bathroom. After about five minutes he returned and sat down beside me. We waited for the doctor to come and check on me. Out of the whole ordeal I think the thing that was the worst was always waiting on the doctor. Me and Brian waited for three hours before the doc decided it was time to see me.
"Good morning Mark, how are you feeling this morning?" The doctor asked.
"I'm fine and ready to go home."
"Well from the looks of your statistics you are ready to go, now you need to get enough rest and eat right. Don't over do it. Your heart will be very weak and it will take time to regain some of the strength you had. You won't regain all of it but most of it. Now I understand that your job was bodyguard, well that is out of the picture, you can't under any circumstance be that. Also don't over exert your self in any kind of actions. But other than that then you can go home. Here are the papers and prescriptions you will need. And have a good day." With that he left. I looked over at Brian with a worry look.
"Mark we will change your job title to personal assistant. So don't worry about it. Now lets get you dressed and head to my mom's house." He did just that. With in two hours of being checked out of the hospital I was sitting in the living room of Brian's parents house. I was a little tired but it sure was nice to get out of that hospital. That night me and Brian slept together on his bed. He held me close like he was protecting me. No one ever came as close to me as Brian has. He has been there for me when the chips have been down. There are no words to express how I feel about Brian. The words I love you don't even come close. He was my hero and I was his little warrior. Brian was like a teddy bear all cuddly and soft. We loved each other. And nothing would change that.
To Be Continued...
The next part may not be out for a while so please be patient. Thank you