Okay, first things first. This story is a complete work of fiction, and is not meant to imply anything about anyone. While some of the characters may be loosely based on real people that I know, none are meant to actually represent anyone, particularly any of the members of the Backstreet Boys. We may wish that they were gay, and maybe some of them even are, but I'm certainly not about to say that they are. :)
As usual, if you are offended or made uncomfortable by material concerning sexual relations between consenting adult men, lighten up or go somewhere else. Also, if it is in any way illegal for you to be reading this type of thing, please don't. Or do, just don't get caught and feel very guilty. ;)
If any of the BSB happen to be reading this (hey, we can dream can't we?), feel free to drop me a line and let me know what you think.
I want to thank everyone who has taken the time to write, and encourage them and others to keep doing so. It's nice to see that people like the story. Also, I happen to be an email junkie (which JB, EG and Yuli could attest to) and I live for new mail. :)
***Thanks to Tyler, Lauren, Lukas, Matty, and everyone else who has taken the time to write, for their extra-nice comments. It makes it much easier to sit down and write with people like you to encourage me.
***Special thanks also to JB and EG (author of Adam, Zach and BSB), both of whom read over what you are about to read, either in whole or in part, and offered their opinions. There is no doubt that the story is better than it would have been without them.
***Also, if Paul happens to be reading this, I tried to respond to your email, but it's wouldn't go through. I'm not ignoring you, I just can't get a reply through.
Drop me a line at DLS_stories@hotmail.com and let me know what you think
Enjoy!
PART 28
Rather than call me, Carrie met me at the hotel. Before I could even check in, she was at my side, introducing herself.
We shook hands and she handed me my hotel key, explaining that she had checked in for me. I took it and, with Carrie insisting on carrying my computer case, we headed for the elevators.
As the doors closed, I turned to face her with a smile. "Did you read it?"
A grin spread across her face. "Yes I read it. It's fantastic! You couldn't ask for better advertising than that. The book is already selling very well in the adult market, but with millions of teenage girls, and more than a few boys," she said, giving me a smile and a wink, making me grin, "reading that the Backstreet Boys are reading it and loving it, sales in the teenage market are going to explode!"
I laughed at her enthusiasm as the doors opened on my floor. We walked to the room and I opened it with my key, ushering her inside. "So you're happy?" I asked rhetorically.
"I'm on the freaking moon!" she laughed, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "I wonder if they have any idea what they just did for your sales."
I smiled. "I'm sure they do."
"God, just having them say that you're a friend of theirs would have been great, but to have them promote your book. That's going to be incredible. Do you have any idea of the circulation numbers for those magazines? If even a quarter of those kids wind up buying your book, you're in for quite a royalty cheque," she laughed. "We shoud send them a huge thank-you note."
"I can go you one better," I smiled, taking out my cell. She watched as I flipped it open and dialed. After a pause, I smiled and spoke. "Hi Brian."
"Hey sweetie," he said. I cringed. "Did you read it yet?"
"Yeah, I read it."
"And? Did you like what you saw?" he asked. I could tell from his voice that he was smiling.
"Are you kidding me? It's fantastic. I don't know what to do to thank you."
"Well for one thing you can come and see me," he laughed.
I grinned. "I'm working on it. Until then, tell everyone that I said thanks." Carrie was looking at me in astonishment. I noticed it and smiled at her, drawing her attention. "Listen Brian, my editor's here."
"Carrie?"
"That's her."
"Did you tell her about us?" he asked.
"No, not yet. Not without the okay from you," I said, hoping that Carrie wasn't listening too intently. "But she wanted to thank you too, so I'm going to put her on, okay?"
"Sure. I want to talk to her."
"Alright. I'll talk to you later." I handed the phone to Carrie, urging her to speak.
"Hello?... yes, it was incredible... well, you gave him more publicity in that one interview than he could do in a dozen of them... yes, I don't know how to thank you... okay, I'll do my best... yes, I know he is... okay, I'll tell him... alright, bye Brian," she said, hanging up and handing me the phone.
"Tell me what?" I asked as I put it back in my pocket.
"He said to tell you that you had his okay. Whatever that means," she said with a curious smile.
"It means that he trusts my judgement, and I get to tell you a secret. But you have to understand that you can't tell a soul."
Carrie grinned and stuck out her hand, pinky outstretched. "Pinky swear," she said.
Yes sir, I liked her. I grinned and locked my pinky finger with hers for a moment, then sat beside her. "Brian and I are seeing each other," I said.
She almost fell off of the bed. "You and Brian?" I nodded. "Brian Littrell?" I nodded again. "Seeing each other as in..."
"As in dating," I laughed. "That's the main reason that I'm joining them on tour. We want to be together as much as we can. I'm just lucky that my job allows it."
"Well then, that makes a little more sense," she said quietly, as though to herself.
"What does?"
"Well, when I asked what I could do to thank him, he said to get these meeting over with as soon as possible." Carrie had recovered somewhat from her surprise. "How long have you been together?" she asked, sitting back on the bed a little.
"A few weeks," I said. "We met over a year ago, but because of a misunderstanding we didn't get together. Then, after I did the Rosie show a little over a month ago, we met again and hit it off." I didn't think it was necessary to go over all of the gruelling details with her.
"Wow. So that interview..."
"Was kind of like a gift from him and the guys," I laughed.
"Wow," she said again. "I mean, I knew you were gay, of course, but I had no idea about Brian."
"No one does, which is why you can't say anything."
"Don't worry about that. Right now, it would be bad for your career as well as his," she said, looking at me and smiling so I knew that she wouldn't tell anyone.
"How so?" I asked. I hadn't thought that his coming out could effect me, no matter how it happened.
"With that interview, the Backstreet Boys linked their names to yours. Right now, you are the one who stands to gain from that, since they have such a huge fan base. If, however, it got out that one or more of them was gay, a big chunk of that fan base would be gone. Even those who didn't care about the gay thing would likely turn on the band because they would feel lied to."
I nodded, and she continued. "Of course, they gain a little too, since by naming you, an openly gay man, as their good friend, they stand to appease their gay fans who may be feeling neglected. But if it got out that you were dating one of them, rather than just a friend of theirs, there would be a lot of people who would be mad at you, or jealous, or whatever. That would be disastrous for future book sales."
"I never thought of it that way," I said. "All the more reason to be careful and keep it a secret."
Carrie nodded. "Listen, Nate, thanks for trusting me with this."
"Don't thank me. It was Brian's decision to make. I'm already out. Thank him," I smiled, getting up from the bed.
"I'll have to do that next time I'm talking to him," she smiled back.
Carrie left shortly after that, and I slept for a while. Flying, regardless of the distance, always seemed to tire me out.
When I got up, my pocket was ringing. Fumbling my phone out of it, I mumbled a greeting.
"Whoa. Someone just got up," Kevin laughed.
"Hey Kevin. Yeah, I was just catching a quick nap. What's up?"
"Actually, that's what I was calling to find out," he said.
"I'm not following."
"Well, Brian finally filled us in on your plans to join us on the tour. I was wondering about what's going on with that."
"You don't mind, do you?" I asked.
"Are you kidding? It'll be nice to have someone else to hang out with. Everyone thinks it's a great idea. We can't wait."
"Well, I have a meeting in the morning with Celia and Carrie, my new editor, and then the next day I have another marketing meeting. Carrie's going to be there, as well as a bunch of shirts from the publishers, going over advertising for the books. After that, I'm on my way." I smiled at the thought of being back with Brian and the rest of the guys.
"That's great. I'll let management know, and we'll get you and Brian a room so you're not with Nick."
"No! Kevin, I want you to get me my own room. Double bed. Brian and Nick can keep sharing a room. I'll explain it when I get there," I said quickly.
"Okay," he replied. I could tell he was curious, but he didn't ask anything else about the room. "Do you want me to tell Brian when you're coming?"
"Actually, no. Let me call him. I'll tell him that the meetings are going to take a few days longer than I expected, and then I can surprise him. I'll call you when I know exactly when I'll be there."
"Okay Nate. You're calling the shots," he laughed. "But Brian won't be happy to hear that you're not coming right away."
"I'll make it up to him."
"I'm sure you will." Kevin laughed again, then said that he had to go and talk with management about the tour. I promised again to call him when I knew when I would be joining them, and hung up.
Putting the phone away again, I sat up and grabbed the room service menu. A few minutes later, I had both a movie and a meal ordered, and I was relaxing in front of the television.
PART 29
The meeting with Carrie and Celia went better than expected. We went over the plans for the book to make sure that we were all on the same page, so to speak, and then discussed where it was going, and when I expected it to be finished.
At the rate I was going, I could have it done in record time. The ideas were flowing out of me just as fast as I could put them on the screen. I knew, though, that there would be a disruption in that flow as soon as I was back with Brian again.
I was hoping that the spontaneity of their schedule would add something to the writing, but I was also a little afraid that it might hurt as well. But, I was determined to be with Brian. We'd have to let things turn out as they would.
I decided to tell Celia about Brian and I, after extracting a promise from her that she wouldn't tell a soul. I felt better with her and Carrie knowing. Maybe they would be a little more understanding if Brian and the guys proved to be a bit distracting and the pages took longer to get to them.
Once everyone was clear on how the book was coming along, we discussed my relationship with the company. I assured Carrie that I was not unhappy, but had simply had creative and personal differences with Pete, which had prompted my request for a change in editors. Celia and Carrie argued a little bit about my contract, but nothing really serious.
"You know," Carrie said near the end of the meeting. "Pete's still pretty pissed at you for firing him."
"Carrie, I hope he's not giving you a hard time for working with me," I said, putting my hand on her arm.
She laughed. "No, he's got bigger fish to fry right now."
"What do you mean?" Celia asked.
"Well, let's just say that you're not the only writer who has shown an interest in replacing him. He's got writers jumping ship all over the place. Somehow it got out that you changed editors, and it seems to have given people the idea. I don't think he's going to have a job much longer if this keeps up."
Celia grinned, but I felt kind of bad for him. "I didn't mean to screw him over, I just didn't feel we were right for each other. I didn't want all this to happen."
Celia patted me on the shoulder, offering her comfort. "Don't worry about it, Nate. People wouldn't leave him just because you did. He obviously wasn't doing his job. People just don't dump editors they've worked with for years simply because someone else did it."
"I guess, but I still feel kinda bad about it. He was a good editor, just a little thick."
Carrie assured me that he wasn't being unfairly treated, and then declared the meeting over, after reminding me that we had to meet with the marketing people the next day. I sighed and told her that I would be there.
I barely slept that night, thinking that I was one meeting away from being able to be with Brian again. As a result, I showed up at the meeting looking less-than-stellar.
"You look like hell, Nate," Carrie said, sitting beside me.
"Thanks," I said sarcastically with a laugh. "I didn't get a whole lot of sleep last night."
"Getting anxious?" she asked with a smile.
I nodded and was about to speak again when a group of five gentlemen entered the conference room with a bunch of charts and tables and graphs.
One started passing around folders full of reproductions of the visual aids, and another set up an easel at the head of the table, setting the sheets on it.
They were all basically wearing the same thing, so I immediately forgot their names when we were introduced.
For the next three hours I was inundated with information about the sales of 'Blue Sky,' and the projected sales of my as-yet-untitled work in progress. Without knowing what it was going to be about, or what it was going to be called, there wasn't a whole lot that they could determine about the new book, but it didn't seem to stop them from producing a bunch of graphs to point to.
By the time they finished discussing, with very little input from me, I was almost wishing that I had never written the damn book in the first place. Finally, Carrie thanked them for their presentation, and promised them that we would get back to them if we had any further comments, and called the meeting to a close.
I breathed a sigh of relief as I watched them file out of the room. Carrie remained with me for a few minutes. Finally, smiling, she spoke.
"So? Glad you became an author?"
"I think they sucked out my brain somewhere along the way," I groaned, laying my head on the table.
Carrie patted me on the back and told me to cheer up. "After all, this time tomorrow you should be safely in Brian's arms."
I did perk up a bit at that. Seeing the smile that came across my face, Carrie had to laugh. "Sweetie, you are in love," she said, getting up from the table and gathering her things.
"Carrie?" I asked, looking around at her and stopping her before she could leave.
"Yeah?"
"Please don't call me sweetie," I said with a smile.
PART 30
"I just got off the plane, Kevin," I said happily.
"Okay, we're supposed to go practise for the concert in a few minutes, so you can head straight for the hotel. I left your name at the front desk, so you just have to prove you're you and pick up your key."
"And Brian doesn't know anything about me being here?"
"Nope, everything's good. I'll see you tonight at the concert?"
"I'll be there."
"Okay, I'll leave you a pass at the door so you can get in."
"Thanks for everything Kevin," I said sincerely.
"No problem, Nate. I'll see you tonight."
I flipped the phone closed and made my way through the terminal to the baggage claim. After picking up my luggage, I walked outside and hailed a cab.
The hotel wasn't very far from the airport, so the trip didn't last very long, and I didn't get to see much of Chicago.
The good news was, none of the fans outside the hotel recognised me. I seemed to be somewhere in the limbo between people knowing your name, and people knowing your face, and I was just as happy for it. Being recognised on the street appeared to have more negative aspects to it than positive.
The bad news was, the security officer at the door wasn't going to let me in, and I had to convince him that I was indeed a guest at the hotel. I didn't think it was going to work, until I asked him how many 24 year old guys were big Backstreet Boys fans.
That seemed to make him stop and think, and he had one of the other security men take my ID and check with the front desk. Moments later, the man returned and handed me back my wallet, nodding to the one holding me back.
"Sorry, sir. I'm sure you understand we have to be careful," he said sheepishly.
"No problem," I said with a smile as he moved aside for me to enter. I proceeded to the front desk, where I signed in and got my room key.
The wait for the elevator was inordinately long. Apparently they were having electrical problems with it, and were waiting on the repair men to come. I was assured that it was still safe, just slower. Still, I held my breath as I stepped inside, expecting it to either fall or rocket upward like in some movie.
I was surprised to find myself somewhat disappointed when nothing out of the ordinary happened. As I had been told, the ride was uneventful if a little long.
When the doors finally opened on my floor, I glanced at the fob on my key and checked the closest room numbers to find out which way to turn. Getting my bearings, I quickly found my room and let myself in.
I was pleasantly surprised when I saw the room. The main room consisted of a large living and dining area, with the bedroom and bathroom separate through a double doorway at the back. Throwing my bags inside the door, I wandered around for a moment or two, just taking it all in.
Finding the balcony, I wandered outside to have a look. I could see most of Chicago from my vantage point. I smiled to myself and made a mental note to thank Kevin again for the room, then wandered back inside to put my things away.
I've never been one to live out of a suitcase. There was something almost sorrowful about it. Even if I was only staying somewhere for a single night, as I was tonight, I had to unpack. It felt more like home that way.
I was just finishing putting my clothes in the closet when there was a knock at the door.
"Room service," a muffled voice said through the door.
"I'm afraid you have the wrong room," I said as I opened it. "I just checked in, and I haven't ordered anything."
The waiter looked down at his sheet. "Nathaniel Healy, room 1206?"
I nodded. "That's me, but I'm telling you, I didn't order anything."
"The order was placed by another member of your party, sir," he said. "The kitchen was notified when you checked in."
The light above my head clicked on. I made another mental note to thank Kevin, then moved aside with a smile to let the man in.
Wheeling the cart to the table, he smiled and thanked me. When I went to tip him, he waved it off, telling me that it had already been taken care of when the order was placed.
I thanked him again and hung up the last couple of things in the closet before making my way back to the table and checking out the cart. There was a covered tray and a coffee carafe, with two mugs. Puzzled, I lifted the cover off of the tray and saw two pieces of apple pie.
I was still trying to figure it out when I felt hands settle on my waist and a gentle kiss on the back of my neck. With a small scream, I jumped and broke away.
"Nice to see you too," Brian laughed softly.
My heart still hammering in my chest, I tried to gather myself. "What the hell are you doing here?" I asked.
"Well, I heard that my boyfriend was sneaking around on me, secretly booking hotel rooms," he smiled. "I decided to check it out for myself."
"But you're not supposed to even know I'm here yet. Kevin wasn't supposed to tell you."
"He didn't exactly tell me. I heard him talking with management about needing another room, and I was there when you called and told him that you were flying out this morning. Once I knew it was you on the phone, I made him promise not to say anything to you so I could surprise you instead."
I had to grin at how pleased he looked with himself. I put out my hand to him. With a smile, he crossed the room and took it.
"Hi," he whispered.
"Hi," I answered, bringing my forehead to his.
"Eskimo kiss!" I said, rubbing my nose against his.
"What?"
"Eskimo kiss. You know, where you rub noses?"
"Never heard of it," he laughed. "But I like it. Now how about a European kiss?"
"You mean that thing where you kiss on each cheek?" I asked with a grin.
Brian sighed. "How about an American version then?"
"Sorry, I'm Canadian," I laughed.
"I don't think there's that much of a difference," he smiled.
"Sure there is. In Canada you take your tongue and..."
"Show me," he said, putting his lips to mine to shut me up.
I laughed a little and showed him.
"I missed that," Brian whispered, moving his lips to my ear. "I missed you."
"Ummm..."
"Is that right?" Brian laughed, kissing my neck.
"Every word of it," I grinned, pulling away from him a little. "But aren't you supposed to be practising or something?"
"I got Kevin to tell them that I wasn't feeling well. I'm supposed to be taking a nap so I'm ready for the show," he smiled.
"Awwww," I smiled, stifling a yawn. The flight had been an early one, and I hadn't gotten to sleep on the plane either. The man beside me had been some sort of salesman, and hadn't stopped talking from the moment we took off to the time we touched down. He had even talked through the flight attendant's speech about what to do in an emergency. Good thing we hadn't crashed. Although, a crash might have shut him up.
Brian put his hands on my shoulders and looked at me. "Looks like you're the one who needs the nap."
"No, I'm fine. Flying does this to me. I'll just have some coffee."
"Nate, you look exhausted. I don't think coffee is going to do the trick."
"I just haven't slept much the last couple of nights," I said with a smile. "I've had someone on my mind."
Brian grinned. "Is that so? Is he cute?"
"Very," I answered, kissing his cheek.
"Well you know what I think he would say if he were here right now?"
"What?" I asked, nuzzling into his neck.
"He'd say that you need to sleep," Brian said, pulling away. "And he would leave you alone so that you can do it."
"Actually, do you want to know what I think he'd say?"
"What?"
"I think he'd say that I needed to get some sleep, but I think he'd also say that he would come with me and keep me warm," I said with a smile, taking his hand.
"This guy sounds pretty sweet," Brian laughed as I dragged him to the bedroom.
"The sweetest," I grinned.
Brian followed me to the bed, and I pushed him onto it, sitting down on his thighs and bending over to kiss him.
"I would have sworn I was here to keep you warm, not to get you hot," Brian laughed, pushing me over onto the bed.
I grinned. "You could do both," I suggested.
"Later." He gave me a stern look. "Right now, we're going to take a nap together. Understood?"
I pouted a little, sticking my lip out. Brian leaned in and kissed me again, biting my protuding lip. I giggled, and he broke the kiss. "I love you, sweetie," he whispered.
"I love you too, but I'm going to kill Andrea for telling you about that," I laughed, yawning again.
Brain smiled and put his hand on my shoulder. He rolled me over so I was facing away from him, then slid in behind me into the spoon position. He put his arm around my waist and kissed the back of my neck. "Now sleep," he ordered. And I did.
When I woke up, the first thing I noticed was that Brian was gone. Rolling over onto my back, I saw that he had closed the bedroom door most of the way, so he wouldn't disturb me.
I turned myself around until I was sitting on the edge of the bed, and listened. I could hear slight sounds coming from the other room, but couldn't tell what they were. Curious, I stood up from the bed and made my way to the door, pushing it open quietly.
Brian was watching TV. He didn't notice me standing there, so I took a few moments to watch him. I noticed the way his hair curled forward onto his forehead and around his ears, and thought about what it felt like to run my fingers through. He laughed at something on the TV and I watched as his adams apple moved, remembering the way he had shuddered when I kissed it. Smiling to myself, I glanced around the room and my smile grew with what I saw.
I had finished hanging my clothes in the closet when both Brian and the room service had arrived, but hadn't had a chance to unpack the rest of my things. Looking around, my bags were nowhere to be seen, but my stuff was. My brush, cologne, shampoo and other personal items were sitting on the dresser, neatly arranged in front of the mirror. My computer had been taken out of the case and set up on the desk along the far wall, along with my notes and other writing implements. Brian had unpacked for me.
I looked back to Brian, who still hadn't seen me, and moved toward him. Creeping up behind him, I leaned in and kissed the top of his head.
He jumped a little, then looked up and smiled. "What was that for?" he asked.
I motioned to the rest of the room. "This."
"Well, I woke up, and decided to let you get a bit more sleep. I needed something to do while I waited. Besides, this way I got to look at all your underwear," he laughed.
I grinned in return and walked over to my computer. Deciding that I should at least check in, I reached out and turned it on.
I was leafing through my notes when Brian's arms wrapped themselves around me from behind. "Don't worry, I didn't peek," he whispered into my ear.
I laughed a little. While I didn't keep my notes in code, they were close enough. Essentially, they consisted of the mental ramblings I went through while I thought about where to take the story. Much of what was in the folder in my hands would never make it into the book, but it generally led me to something that I could use.
I showed a page to Brian, who looked at it confusedly. There were scribbles in the margins, along with little sketches of characters. Each separate thought was circled, with little lines coming out of it where I connected it to another thought, and many of those lines had been scratched out after a little consideration.
"I don't think it would have mattered if you had peeked," I laughed. He shook his head, still trying to make out my scribbles. "But thank you anyway."
"Why don't you recopy it?" he asked. "I mean, throw out what you decide not to use, and then copy the rest of it so it's easy to follow?"
"Because then I lose the feeling for the idea. Most of this is just the very bare bones of a story idea. If I recopy it and try to orgnise everything, a lot gets lost in the translation," I tried to explain. It wasn't the easiest thing to do. "And I can't throw any of it out, because a lot of the stuff that I don't use either leads me to things that I can use, or gets put in a different story."
"So that makes sense to you?" he asked with a laugh, pointing to the page I was looking at."
"As much as it needs to. All this needs to really do is trigger my imagination," I said. "The rest, my mind and my fingers fill in as I write."
"I can understand that," he said. "When I write a song, I usually start with a really catchy line, then my head fills the rest in around it."
I nodded. "That's it exactly. These are my catchy lines. When I run out of direction in the story, I read through these until something catches my eye, and then I take it and run."
Brian released me and came around to stand in front of the computer. Looking at the screen, he started to laugh. "You really don't trust anyone, do you?"
For a moment I wasn't sure what he was getting at, until I looked at the screen and saw the password box flashing. I smiled to myself. "I put that on there for Andrea," I laughed. "She was forever screwing with my screensavers, making 'Nate is a freak' and things like that scroll across the screen. The final straw was when I went to show Mom and Dad something one night and found a picture of a naked man bouncing around my screen."
Brian was laughing very hard now, and it was hard not to smile. "So, I got this and put it on," I said, indicating the flashing box.
"And that stopped her?" he asked, trying to calm himself.
"No," I grinned. "She figured out the password in about five minutes. She knows me too well. Eventually, she lost interest in my screensaver, but I never got rid of the password."
"So what is it?" he asked slyly.
"I'm not telling," I grinned.
Brian pulled out his phone and punched a few numbers. "Hi, can I speak with Andrea Cameron please? Thanks... Hi Andrea, it's Brian... yeah, he's here... you have no idea how happy," he looked up at me and smiled. "Yeah, listen, Andrea, what's Nate's computer password?... uh huh... thanks Andrea, talk to you later."
Brian hung up and gave me a smug look as he typed a word into the computer. The flashing box disappeared and the desktop flashed onto the screen.
"You little bastard," I said with a smile, moving around behind him and resting my chin on his head.
"All I did was ask. She told me," he defended himself with a grin. "Who's 'sarah'?"
"It was my mother's name," I said quietly, leaning forward to click on my email program.
"Oh, that reminds me," Brian said, jumping up out of the chair. He reached around behind his neck and unfastened the necklace that I had given him, then held it out to me.
"Brian, I told you, I want you to have it," I said, pushing his hand away.
"No. I don't need it anymore. It's to make sure that I remember you and what we have together. I don't need the reminder now. I don't need to wear it if you're here. You're my reminder, and I could never forget you."
I collapsed into the chair that he had just gotten out of, taking the necklace and looking at it. Seeing my face, Brian kneeled in front of me, asking what was wrong.
"That's what my father told my mother when he got back that first time. He said that he only needed it to remember her when she wasn't there. After that, he never wore it when he was home, but always put it on before he left us again." I said, looking into Brian's face.
"Nate, do you want to talk about this?" Brian asked, putting his hand on my knee.
I shook my head. "No, not now. I'll tell you, Brian, but it's going to take a long time, and I don't feel up to it right now," I said, wiping the tear out of the corner of my eye.
"It's okay," he said lovingly. "When you're ready to talk about it, I'll be here." I nodded to let him know I was okay. "Alright, you have some things to work on. I'm going to go and get ready for the concert. I promised the guys that I'd be there early in case there were some changes that had to be made. Do you want to come with me?"
"Yeah. You go get ready, I'm just going to check my mail and then I'll be ready."
"Alright. I'll be back in a few minutes," he said, standing and giving me another kiss before he headed for his own room.
I watched him go, wondering how I got to be lucky enough to have him love me, then turned back to the computer. I clicked on my inbox and saw that there were only three messages, and only one of them was about work. Sighing to myself, I clicked that one first, to get it out of the way.
It was from Carrie, and turned out not to really be that bad at all. She was just letting me know that she liked the changes that I had sent her on the latest pages, and urging me to take a little time to enjoy with Brian. But not too much time. She reminded me three times in the course of the short message that I had promised her some new pages by the end of the week.
I grinned to myself and wrote a quick note back, letting her know that I had arrived, and that I would have the pages done.
Finishing that, I clicked on the next message, which was from Andrea. I read it over quickly, seeing that it wasn't anything urgent. She just wanted to touch base and make sure that I had made it to Chicago.
I decided that I would wait and talk to her on the phone later, and opened the last message.
It was from Erron, letting me know that the apartment was fine. Apparently, though, his wasn't doing so well. He had been robbed a couple of days ago, he said, and had lost his stereo, TV, and computer. He was emailing from work. I sent him back a quick email telling him how sorry I was, and to move into my place earlier than planned if it would make him feel safer.
That done, I shut the computer down and walked to the closet to find something to wear. Throwing the clothes on the bed, I headed for the bathroom to get a quick shower before I had to leave with Brian. Turning the water on, I quickly undressed and stepped under the spray.
The hot water felt incredible as I washed away the weariness that the nap couldn't touch. Feeling much better, I stepped out and wrapped a towel around myself, walking back out into the bedroom to get dressed.
Brian came in as I was finishing buttoning my shirt. "Hey sweetie. You ready to go?" he asked as he entered.
"Yeah," I replied, tucking the shirt in.
"No, leave it out," he said, reaching over and pulling my shirt back out of my pants. "We've got to get you to loosen up."
I looked down at myself. "But I look like a slob," I complained.
"But a cute one," he said with a grin, stealing a kiss.
I sighed and gave up. Grabbing my watch from the nightstand, I fastened it around my wrist and grabbed Brian's hand. "Fine, you win. But I'm not wearing sweatpants," I laughed.
Brian smiled and we walked to the door, where I grabbed my jacket and scarf. Brian locked the door as I put them on, and we headed for the elevators.
Again, the ride was too long, but this time, it wasn't quite as uneventful. Taking advantage of the slow ride and the fact that we had the car to ourselves, Brian pressed me against the wall and started kissing my neck.
"Brian, what if the door opens?"
"Then someone's getting a free show," he laughed softly into my ear.
Brian broke away as soon as the bell sounded, and by the time the doors had opened, we were looking like two ordinary people sharing an elevator. Brian had the desk call to bring the limo around, and we walked to the doors to wait for it.
The sound was almost deafening. As soon as the girls saw Brian, they went nuts. Luckily, the security people were able to keep a path to the street, and soon the limo pulled up. One of the security workers opened the back door and motioned for us.
I heard Brian take a deep breath, and then he was gone, running throught the small path to the car. I laughed and took off after him, trying to avoid being pulled into the crowd.
When I reached the car, I noticed that the security guard holding the door was the same one that had refused to let me in the hotel. Grinning to him, I leaned in and shouted above the noise.
"I guess there are a few 24 year old fans!"
His eyes grew larger when he recognised me, then he smiled. Jumping into the car, I found Brian waiting for me. The guard slammed the door behind me, and the limo eased away from the hotel, going slowly to avoid hurting anyone.
"Whew!" I said, sitting back in the seat. "How do you handle that all the time?"
"You just laugh and have a little fun with it. When you're feeling extra cocky, you stop and chat with someone. It drives the security people crazy when you do that," he laughed, taking my hand.
I shook my head. "If that's fame, I don't want anything to do with it," I said.
"Too late," he grinned.
"What are you talking about?"
"I'm talking about them," he said, pointing out the side window at people still taking pictures of the limo. "Do you know how many pictures of you just got taken?"
"But they don't even know who I am," I protested, looking out at the throng of people.
"That doesn't matter. They saw you with a Backstreet Boy. If nothing else, that's enough for them to want to find out who you are. And once they find out that you're our favourite author Nathaniel Healy, they'll be going ape-shit over you." Brian laughed at the horror-stricken look on my face.
"So I have that to look forward to now?"
"Well, it's not generally that bad, and it's still mostly for the band. But make no mistake about it, my friend, your popularity is about to take a leap. You better get used to it if you're going to be on the tour with us." Brian was having a great time watching me squirm at the thought.
"Won't they want to know what I'm doing on the tour? It seems a little strange to just have me tagging along with you guys, doesn't it?"
"Well, we're working on something to tell them. Kevin wanted to run a couple of ideas by you and see which one you were most comfortable with. Yeah, they're going to want to know. And no matter what we tell them, there are going to be rumours."
I nodded. "I figured as much. And the guys are still okay with my coming along?"
"Trust me, everyone's fine with it. We'll just have to come up with something plausible to tell the media when they ask. And once those pictures are developed and people realise it was you," he said, leaning into the seat next to me, "they'll be asking alright."
PART 31
"Nate!" Nick yelled when he saw me. He ran over and gave me a hug, then stood back with a smile. "So that's why Brian stayed at the hotel."
Brian grinned and sat down on the couch in the dressing room. By the greeting that I got from AJ, and the surprised look on Howie's face, it was obvious that Kevin and Brian hadn't told them that I would be there.
"I knew you were going to join on the tour, but I didn't think it would be so soon," AJ grinned as he hugged me. "How come no one told us you were coming?"
"Well, it was supposed to be a surprise for Brian. Actually, I thought Kevin would have told you guys. I guess he wanted to surprise you too," I explained, sitting down beside Brian and resting my hand on his leg. "But Brian found out and surprised me instead."
AJ laughed as Brian told him how much I had jumped when he surprised me in the hotel room.
"We never did eat that pie," Brian laughed.
"It's just not the same without Nick there with us, wolfing down two pieces at the same time," I grinned.
"Hey!" Nick protested. "I'm a growing boy!"
"You're growing, alright," AJ laughed, poking him. "Horizontally."
Brian and I laughed as Nick lunged at AJ, jumping on his back.
With a grin, AJ pretended to crumple to the floor under Nick's weight. Panting, he lay on his stomache, moaning about his broken back. Howie grinned and threw a pillow at Nick, knocking him off of AJ. Nick laughed and attacked Howie with the pillow, while AJ dramatically got up and hobbled to a chair.
"So you're with us for the long haul?" he asked, dropping down in the chair opposite the couch Brian and I were sitting on.
"Until you guys kick me out or bore me to death," I grinned.
"Well, I can't imagine kicking you out, and I'm sure Brian can keep you occupied enough for the rest of us," he laughed, watching Brian blush.
"Then I guess you're stuck with me," I smiled, squeezing Brian's knee.
"Nate!" Kevin said happily, coming into the room. "I see you got your surprise."
"Hey Kevin!" I said, shaking his hand. "Yeah, I got it. Remind me never to tell you a secret again, though."
"Sorry man, he figured it out. I had to tell him. Besides, I didn't think you'd mind getting to spend the afternoon with him," he smiled.
"Well you're right about that," I conceded. "Thanks again for everything. The room's great."
"No problem. Nothing but the best for family," he smiled as he sat down on the back of AJ's chair. Brian smiled at his referring to me as family.
"Thanks," I grinned. "Brian said you had a couple of things that you wanted to run by me about what we're going to be telling the press about my joining you?"
"Oh, yeah. Well, it's inevitable that they're going to find out."
Brian laughed. "They're already working on it. The mob at the hotel got some great pictures of him following me to the limo."
"Okay, so they will probably know by the Q&A after the concert. They're bound to be asking questions. There are a couple things that we came up with that most of them will believe. You'll always have one or two drawing their own conclusions, though, if you know what I mean."
I nodded. "I think I have a pretty good idea. Which one of you do you think they'll have me dating first?" I asked with a smile.
"Well, I have to say that I hope it's not Brian. That way you can deny it without having to lie," Kevin smiled back.
"So what were you thinking about telling them?"
"Well, one idea was to tell them that you were going to be helping us out with a sort of tour diary. Kind of a behind the scenes look at the band and what it takes to put something like this on."
I nodded again. "That would work. I mean, we've already established that we're friends, so we could say that you wanted someone that you were comfortable with."
"That's what we were thinking. Another thought was to tell them that you were taking a break from writing your next book, but that's only good for a little while," Brian spoke up.
"I don't think that one would really work, though," I said. "I mean, the book is on schedule. If it comes out when it's supposed to, it should be obvious, especially to those in the publishing industry and media, that I was working on it. Besides, people will want to know how we hooked up, and we'll have to tell them that I was already on a break from the book during those three weeks."
Kevin sighed. "You're right. That one's no good."
Nick came and sat on the arm of the couch beside me. "Remember what you told me about how you create characters? About picking them out of a crowd?" I nodded for him to continue. "Well, what if we say that we were talking about that, and you mentioned that you wanted a change of pace while you wrote your new book?"
"You get to spice up your schedule a little bit, and you get access to more crowds than you can count," AJ laughed.
I liked it. "I actually used something like that on my agent when I was trying to convince her to agree to this," I laughed.
"Why don't you combine the two?" Howie said. It was the first time he had spoken during the conversation, and all of our eyes turned to him.
"What do you mean, Howie?" I asked.
"Well, what if you said that you were with us so that you could get a new perspective on the book you're writing, and as a way of paying us back for inviting you along, you're going to be working on a tour diary for us. The fans will be so happy about that that they probably won't ask too many questions. It would also explain you hanging around on the bus with us, and at the hotel."
I looked around at Brian, Kevin, AJ, and Nick. I could tell that they were as surprised with Howie's contribution as I was, and that they all knew it was a great idea.
We agreed on the story, and agreed that they would announce my joining the tour if, and only if, someone mentioned it at the Q&A session. No one would bring it up until someone in the media did.
With that out of the way, Kevin announced that they had to go and get dressed for the show. I opted to wander around backstage while they prepared instead of joining them. Brian disappeared for a moment, and came back with a pass on a strap.
Putting the strap over my head, he leaned in and kissed me. "Don't get lost. I want to see you while we're up there," he whispered in my ear.
I grinned and gave him another quick kiss before Kevin dragged him out of the room. "Don't worry, I'll be there," I called after him.
Looking down at the pass around my neck, I was surprised to see that it wasn't just a backstage pass, but an all-access one. Grinning to myself and feeling important, I left the dressing room and started to stroll around, hoping that I would be stopped so I could show the pass.
I got my wish as I approached the stage. The lights were out, but the crowd was already seated and screaming. Working up my bravery, I took a step out onto the stage. There were workers running all over it, setting up last minute preparations and testing the mics.
I was almost to centre stage when I heard someone yell at me.
"Hey! You're not supposed to be out here!" a large, burly man said, walking over to me and taking my arm. He started to lead me to the front of the stage, where a set of stairs had been set up.
I struggled to get out of his grip, but he had a firm hold, so I tried instead to turn and face him. "I'm not an escaped fan!" I yelled at him, trying to make him hear me. I grabbed my pass and waved it at him.
Seeing it, he took it and pulled it closer so that he could read it in the dim light. Since it was still around my neck, he also pulled my head to a rather awkward angle as he did so.
"You're still not supposed to be up here," he grumbled.
"Well if you'll let go of my arm, I'll go backstage!"
He let go of me, and I rubbed my arm where he had held it, trying to get the blood back into my lower arm. The man walked away without saying anything else, and I walked back into the curtained backstage area.
I got back to the dressing room without having to show anyone else my pass, and found the guys dressed and waiting to be called to the stage. Brian smiled when he saw me, and scooted over on the couch for me to sit down.
I returned the smile, but sat on his lap instead. Nick grinned and leaned back on the couch, putting his legs up where Brian had intended for me to sit.
"I don't know how you guys do it. That stage is enormous!" I exclaimed, playing with Brian's hair.
"You were on stage?" Kevin asked.
I nodded. "And believe me it took a lot of courage. There are thousands of people out there, all screaming and yelling. I couldn't do it with the lights on me, I can tell you that."
"It took more courage than you know," Nick giggled. "I can't believe he actually let you out on stage."
"Who?"
"Duke. Huge guy, dark suit. He's the stage manager."
"Ah," I said with a smile, rubbing my arm. "He would be the one who was about to throw me into the crowd."
The guys all laughed. "Yeah, that would be him," AJ agreed. "He's a great guy once you get to know him. A little scary at first though," he laughed.
There was a knock at the door. Kevin shot me a look, but it took me a moment to figure out why, then Brian cleared his throat. I jumped up off of his lap, landing on the couch just as Nick moved his feet.
Kevin laughed and opened he door. "It's time guys," an assistant said, sticking her head in the doorway.
Everyone stood and made their way out into the backstage area. Brian led me to a little alcove off of the stage, which had an incredible view, then leaned in to whisper something to me. Instead of saying anything, he kissed me behind the ear, sending a shudder through my body and making me smile.
Brian laughed to himself and ran over to join the rest of the guys to go on stage. I grinned and waved at them as the music started and they ran out to the screams of thousands of fans.
About halfway through the show, Duke came walking over to me and offered me his hand. "Sorry about before. You have no idea how nerve-wracking it is trying to get this thing going," he said with a smile, indicating the show.
I returned the smile and took his hand. My own was immediately engulfed in his much larger and stronger one. "Duke, right?" I said. He nodded, releasing my hand. "I'm Nate."
"Good to meet you Nate," he said. We were both yelling more than speaking, trying to be heard above the music. "So what brings you to the show? And how did you manage to get one of those?" He indicated my all-access pass.
"Actually, I'm going to be coming to quite a few of these," I grinned. "I'm friends with the guys," I said, pointing to the stage. "I'm going to be on tour with them for a while. Brian got me the pass."
Just then a stage worker came running up with some sort of emergency, and pulled Duke away with him. "Good meeting you!" he called behind him. "If you're going to be around for a while, I'm sure we'll get talking again."
I waved as he was pulled away and turned my attention back to the stage, where they were just getting ready to take a quick break to change for the second half of the show. A group of dancers went running by me out onto the stage to entertain the crowd for a few minutes, and then the guys came rushing off the stage. Brian grabbed my hand on the way by and I was pulled with them to the dressing room.
While they were on stage, someone had been in and laid out the outfits for them to change into, and everyone immediately started stripping down.
"You know how many people would kill to see this?" I laughed as they all stood before me in their boxers.
Nick laughed and threw his sweaty shirt at me. Knocking it out of the way, I sat down on the couch so that I would be out of the way. Brian finished changing first, and sat beside me.
"So? What do you think so far?"
"It's great!" I said enthusiastically. "You guys put on quite a show."
"I saw you talking to Duke a few minutes ago," Nick said, sitting down on the arm of the couch. "He wasn't trying to throw you out again, was he?"
"No, he came over to apologise for before and to introduce himself. Nice guy," I replied.
Nick nodded his agreement. "Just wait till you see him mad," he laughed.
Kevin, Howie and AJ finished dressing just as an assistant appeared to see how things were going. Brian followed the rest of the guys back to the stage, after a quick kiss.
I got back to my vantage point just as the dancers were coming off stage again, out of breath. Several of them looked to me, probably wondering what I was doing there, but no one stopped to ask. I just smiled and gave them a small wave, then turned back to watch Brian and the guys.
I could see why concerts took so much out of them. By the time they were done and filing back off the stage, I was sweating just from watching them. Their faces were red, but they were all wearing smiles. I can imagine that it must be quite a rush up there, feeling the love of all those people. Panting, they made their way past me. Brian shouted dibs on the shower, and took off running for the dressing room, with Nick and AJ running after him, both trying to get there first.
Kevin laughed at them, then threw his arm around me, dragging me along with him and Howie at a slower pace.
"Uh, Kev?" I asked, looking over at him.
"Yeah?"
"Um, not that I mind your arm or anything, but you kinda smell," I laughed, picking up his wrist and moving it back around my head.
"Oh that's nice," Kevin grinned. "You try doing that," he pointed to the stage, "and we'll see how rosy fresh you are!"
"Hey, you're the one who chose to be in a band. I rarely work up a sweat writing."
Kevin smiled at me and pulled me into a headlock, giving me a vicious noogie.
I yelled and broke away from him, running to the dressing room and closing the door behind me. Nick and AJ started laughing as soon as they saw me.
"Let me guess," Nick said, pointing to my head. "Kevin got ahold of you."
I nodded and looked in the mirror fastened to the wall. My hair was a mess. Kevin came in while I was trying to fix it. Coming over, he grabbed my head in both hands and started to really mess it up. By the time he was done, I looked vaguely like I had been through a wind tunnel.
Grinning, Kevin moved away again and sat down with Nick, who was still laughing at me.
"Boy you guys stink!" Brian said, coming into the room after his shower. Then he caught sight of me and started to laugh as well. "Sweetie, I said we had to loosen you up. You didn't have to completely fall apart on me!"
"Thank your cousin!" I grinned as Howie ran into the bathroom. "First he tried to put his sweaty arms around me, now he's playing with my hair. I think he's trying to steal me away from you," I said with an evil grin towards Kevin, who blushed, but didn't say anything.
"Well is it working?" Brian asked, coming over and helping me regain some form of style.
"Nah, he's a little too feminine for my tastes," I laughed, glancing at Kevin in the mirror. He stuck his tongue out at me, making me laugh harder.
"Geez," Brian sighed dramatically. "First Nick can't seem to stay out of your bed, and now my own cousin is hitting on you. Whatever will I do?"
"Didn't you tell Andrea that you had a plan to make him yours forever?" Nick piped up. He could barely get the last few words out he was laughing so hard.
"What areyou talking..." The light behind Brian's eyes lit up suddenly as he remembered what he had told Andrea. "How did you know about that?"
"Hello? I was there, Bri. Nate asked you what you told her, and then you said that you told her you would wine him and dine him, and then you would..."
"I remember!" Brian said, cutting him off before he could tell the rest of the room. "I remember Nick. I just wish you didn't."
"What did he say?" AJ asked immediately, turning toward Nick. Nick's face suddenly got a devious look to it, and he glanced at Brian.
"Don't you dare, Nick," Brian said, blushing.
Nick glanced up to me standing behind Brian. I took a look at Brian, then silently shook my head at Nick. Seeing how serious I was, Nick leaned back on the couch. "Sorry, man. It wasn't something I was supposed to hear. I can't tell you."
AJ let out a sigh of disappointment, but Brian and I let out sighs of relief. Kevin had watched all of this without comment. Finally he spoke up. "Yeah, come on AJ. We can't know everything that goes on between them. Personally, I wouldn't want to," he said with a smile as he looked our way.
I finished in the mirror, then hugged Brian from behind. Placing his hands on mine, he leaned back into me with a smile. I rested my head on his shoulder and inheled deeply, smelling his cologne and shampoo. "Mmmmm," I said quietly. "You smell much better than these guys."
Brian sighed and smiled up at me as Howie came back into the room, causing both Kevin and Nick to jump up from the couch. Kevin who was closest, started for the door, but Nick jumped on his back, slowing him down considerably.
"No you don't I called it! It's bad enough the Howie got in there!" Nick laughed, clinging to Kevin, who was still slowly but surely going toward the door.
AJ leapt up from his seat and dashed in the door before either Nick or Kevin could stop him, and we all clearly heard the door lock and AJ laughing. "You snooze you lose!" he yelled through the door.
Kevin and Nick stood there staring at the door. "See what you did?" Kevin smiled, throwing Nick back down on the couch.
"What I did? You're the one who tried to butt in line!" Nick retorted with a grin.
"You could shower together," I suggested with a smile. Their arguing came to an abrupt halt, and Brian and I laughed.
Once everyone was showered and dressed again, they were escorted to a conference room, where they would talk to the press for a few minutes before heading back to the hotel.
I stayed behind in the dressing room, since it had been decided that until someone asked about my presence, I would keep a low profile. They were gone for about twenty minutes, then came walking back into the room with smiles on their faces.
"You must be harder to identify than we thought," Brian smiled, kissing me on the cheek and taking my hand.
"No one asked?" I questioned.
"Not a single person wanted to know why we have a best-selling author running around hotels with us," Kevin laughed. "Enjoy your anonymity while it lasts."
"How long do you think it will take before someone puts it together?"
"Who knows?" AJ said. "Sometimes we do something and it takes weeks to make it to the papers, other times, it's in the next edition. Depends on whether or not they can dig up anything interesting on you. After all, what kind of story is it that you happen to come to a concert with us?"
I had to agree with him on that. "Well, the only thing I can think of, besides my being with Brian of course, is my being gay, but that's public knowledge. Surely they wouldn't connect me with one of you guys simply because you know me and I'm gay?"
"Stranger things have happened," Kevin said. "There's no telling what they'll say to sell papers."
"Well, they aren't saying it yet, so why don't we get back to the hotel?" Howie suggested. "I'm beat."
We all agreed with him, and we were soon being escorted through a small contingent of fans to the limo. I jumped in, leaving the guys behind me to sign a few autographs and hug a few people.
Finally, they got in with me an we pulled away.
"So what are you guys up to tomorrow?" I asked.
"You mean what are 'we' up to tomorrow, don't you?" Nick asked, indicating all of us.
"Fine. What are we up to tomorrow?" I laughed.
"Travelling mostly," Kevin responded with a yawn. "We have to get on the bus at noon, and we'll be heading for Cincinnati, then after a couple of days there, we'll be heading for Lexington for a few days of promos and rest."
"So you guys get to see your families," I said, looking at Kevin and Brian. Brian nodded excitedly, but Kevin shook his head.
"My family is out of the country right now. Figures. I finally get a couple of days at home, and they take off."
Nick started laughing. "Hey, if I found out you were coming, I'd leave too."
Kevin punched Nick in the arm and smiled. "Don't worry about it. I'd never voluntarily visit you."
"So, are you going to tell your parents about Nate?" AJ asked Brian, and immediately regretted it when he saw the look on his face. "Sorry," he said. "I just wondered."
I could actually feel Brian tremble a little bit against me, and I rested my hand on his chest, trying to calm him. "Don't worry about it," I whispered into his ear. "You can tell them when you're ready."
Brian was quiet the rest of the way to the hotel. AJ obviously felt bad about having upset him, but I smiled, trying to assure him that everything would be okay. Nick, Kevin and Howie all seemed equally concerned about him, but none of them spoke, letting him work it out himself.
When we got to the hotel, I took my hand out of Brian's, preparing to make a run for it behind the guys. This seemed to break through to Brian, who looked up with a question in his eyes.
"Don't worry," I said with a smile. "You get it back as soon as we're away from anyone who might see."
A smile broke out on his face, and Kevin threw the door open. There were far fewer fans outside the hotel now, but there were still quite a few people. Presumably, they were those who were unable to get tickets to the concert, and were hoping to get at least a glimpse of the boys.
Kevin ran out of the car and up the steps of the hotel, followed by Howie, Nick, AJ, Brian, and I. He held the door open as the rest of us filed past, then closed it behind him. With a collective sigh, we made our way to the elevators and bundled in.
As promised, as soon as the doors closed, I took Brian's hand again.
"Hey! Who's holding my hand?" AJ laughed, making me blush.
"Uh, that would be me," I said, embarrassed. "I was looking for someone else."
I released AJ's hand and found another. This time, it closed around mine and I saw Brian smile at me, and I knew I had the right one. I smiled back and waited for the doors to open.
When they did, we piled out of the elevator and into the hall.
"So everyone's going to bed?" Kevin asked with a yawn. Nick and Howie nodded, and AJ yawned, which was answer enough.
Brian looked at me, then turned to Kevin. "Yeah, us too."
Kevin smiled at that and bid everyone goodnight. We broke up and each headed to our rooms, with Brian and I starting for mine. I unlocked the door, and we stepped inside. With a groan, I let my coat drop to the floor and kicked off my shoes, with Brian following suit. I took his hand and started to pull him toward the bedroom, but he stayed where he was.
"Nate, we have to talk about something," he said, pulling me to the sitting area instead. Taking a seat at the end of the couch, he rested his back in the corner of it and threw his right leg up onto the cushions, then pulled me down so I was sitting in front of him, leaning back on his chest.
"What's wrong?" I asked.
"Nothing's really wrong," he replied quietly, running his hands through my hair. "I just had to talk to you about something."
"Well, go ahead. You can tell me anything."
"Remember our last night in LA?" he asked, laying his hands over my shoulders and bringing them together on my chest. I could feel him breathing under me as his chest rose and fell.
"Of course I do. It was wonderful," I answered, unsure of where he was going with all of this.
"Yes, it was," he agreed. "But I don't think I'm ready for it yet."
"What do you mean?" I asked, twisting my head around to look him in the eye.
"Well, it was right that night, you know? I was leaving in the morning, and we weren't sure when we would be together again. We shared something very special. But now that you're here, and we have the time, I don't think we should rush into something like that again."
He seemed surprised to find me smiling at him.
"You're not upset?" he asked, looking down at my face.
"Brian, how could I be upset at you? I was thinking pretty much the same thing."
"You were?"
I nodded. "I mean, you're right. That night was exactly what we both wanted and needed, faced with the possibility of not seeing each other for weeks, but that doesn't mean that we have to be going at it like bunnies," I laughed. "Why do you think I had Kevin get me a separate room?"
"I thought it was so that we wouldn't traumatise Nick again," he grinned.
"No. I told Kevin to get me my own room, and to make sure that you kept sharing a room with Nick. Our relationship is already abnormal enough, Brian. If I'm going to get to spend time with you and develop it, I have to be here with you. But how many people just starting out in a relationship immediately move in together? They may sleep over occasionally, but they don't generally come home to the same house after only a month."
"So you don't want to share a room?"
"Eventually, we probably will. But right now, I think we'll both need the space. There's nothing saying that we can't share a bed, but we can't spend every minute with each other, or we'll wind up killing each other, and maybe one or two of the guys."
Brian laughed at that.
"If we each have our own rooms, we get to have that space from each other when we need it, and we get to have somewhere that we can be alone when we want that too. Brian, I love you, and I don't regret what happened in LA, but we've both got to be ready, and I don't think either one of us are right now."
He kissed the top of my head. "Thank you."
"Don't thank me," I laughed. "Besides, you've got to wine me and dine me first."
Brian blushed and slapped my arm. "Quiet you!"
"So, do you want to go back to your room, or do you think we can handle sleeping together in one bed?" I asked with a grin.
"Sleeping I can manage," he laughed.
"Good. Let's go. I'm tired," I said with a smile, taking his arms and pulling them up over my head so I could get off of the couch. "And you've got to be exhausted after that concert."
Brian nodded sleepily and let me pull him up from the couch and lead him into the bedroom.
To Be Continued...
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