Brian and Me

Once again, huge thanks need to go out to Karen and Scotty T for reading over what is to come. Thanks also to Drewbie, just for being Drewbie.

And of course, thank you to Matt. There are far too many things to thank you for, boo, so I guess just thank you for everything. SHMILY, and Happy Anniversary, sweetie. :)

Disclaimer is the same as it ever was. Nothing contained in this story is meant to in any way represent or depict real life. Well, except for the fact that apple butter and bacon sandwiches are the perfect breakfast food. That part is true, but that's it. The rest is all fiction. It is, however, fiction that has a decidedly adult slant to it. If you're not of age or shouldn't be reading this for some reason, please stop reading now. Otherwise, enjoy!

PART 5

I slept fitfully, even with the sedative, then came to the surface as the room's overhead light was turned on suddenly. I didn't even have time to open my eyes before the blankets were ripped off of me.

I rubbed at my eyes, and tried to open them, shocked at the sudden brightness. I scrunched them tight again, and rubbed some more. Opening them slowly again, the room gradually came into focus. Nick was standing just inside the door, watching me, and Brian was standing in front of the bed, my sheets and blanket still clutched in his hands.

He looked mad enough to kill someone, and I briefly wondered if that was indeed what he had come for. He was panting in his anger, seemingly unable to draw enough breath, and his eyes seemed too large as they glared in my direction.

"What do my parents have to do with all of this?" he said between his teeth. I could see the muscles in his jaw working as he ground them together.

"What?" I asked groggily. I blinked a few more times, then sat up and grabbed my glasses off of the bedside table and put them on. Brian didn't look any happier through the artificial lenses than he did through my normal, warped ones.

"I asked you what my parents have to do with what's happening. What's happened," he repeated.

My heartrate tripled as his words worked their way through my sleep- and drug-addled brain. "What are you doing here?" I asked, running my hand through my hair and hoping to distract him until I got back on my mental feet.

"Answer me."

'Shit,' was the only thought going through my mind. "I don't know what you're talking about. I haven't talked with your parents since--"

"Since about two hours before you slit your wrists!" Brian practically shouted, throwing my blankets to the floor. "Now tell me what they have to do with us!"

I wondered how much more yelling it would take before the nurse on duty would come to see what was going on. I hoped not much, because having Brian removed from the room was about the only way I could think of to get out of answering him. Until then, the plan was to stall.

"Why on earth would you think that I had talked--" my voice trailed off as I turned my head to look at Nick. He was still standing inside the door, his eyes going from me to Brian and back again as we spoke. He looked decidedly uncomfortable.

"I heard you on the phone," he answered. "You almost said Jackie's name, and then I heard you talking about Brian's coming to see you. When you said that it was telemarketers, I knew that you were hiding something."

"So you just jumped to the conclusion that it was Brian's mom that I was talking to?"

"No," he said quietly. "When I used the phone, I dialed *69, and they gave me the number that had called. It was Jackie and Harold's number."

I closed my eyes and gave myself a mental smack in the head.

"Tell me why she called," Brian said angrily.

"Because she heard that you were here," I said, looking at him again. "She wanted to tell me to stay out of your life."

"You didn't seem surprised to hear from her," Nick pointed out.

"Well I was," I defended myself.

"You're lying," Brian said confidently.

I just looked at him.

"How does my mother figure into this?"

"She's your mother," I told him. "You tell me." I was amazed that my mind was as alert as it was, but it seemed like I could actually feel my thoughts process. Rather than immediately spring to mind, I could almost sense them bubbling to the surface. The drugs were definitely still working.

He scowled and took a step around the side of the bed. Nick also stepped forward. He looked as though he was getting ready to pull Brian off of me. Looking back at Brian, I realised that I had never seen him so mad. But I also saw something else. His anger wasn't directed at me, it was at his parents. He was angry with me, sure. Probably because he was already starting to piece things together, but he wasn't about to try and hurt me.

He stopped moving when he was standing beside me, and he sat down on the bed. Looking me in the eyes, he took my hand and held it. Again, it was an innocent gesture, meant more to get and hold my attention than to be holding my hand.

"You've never lied to me," he said softly, watching me. I couldn't look away from his gaze. "Even at the end, I know that you told me the truth. You would tell me nothing rather than lie, right?"

I nodded, not trusting my voice.

"Then don't lie to me now," he said. "I need you to look me in the eye and tell me that my parents didn't force you to leave me somehow." I heard Nick gasp from behind Brian. Apparently, Nick wasn't as quick to catch on as Brian was. "I need you to tell me that they didn't have anything to do with you leaving."

I watched his eyes, seeing the anger move out of them. No, not out. The anger was still there, if temporarily subdued. It had moved back, making way for the honesty and compassion that was Brian's more natural state. But I slowly came to the realisation that he had given me an out. "Your parents didn't force me to leave you," I said clearly, striving to keep looking him in the eye. It wasn't a lie, but it surely resided in the grey area between truth and untruth.

Brian, maybe reading it in my eyes, squinted at my answer. "It was just my mother," he said softly. "Wasn't it? My mother somehow got to you and forced you out of my life, didn't she?"

That one I couldn't rationalise my way out of. Instead, I looked away. He was right. I would sooner refuse to answer than lie to him.

"Didn't she?" he repeated. Still getting no response, he grabbed my head and forced me to look at him. "Didn't she?" he pleaded.

I closed my eyes to avoid the pain that I saw in his eyes and gave up. In the vast scheme of things, did it really matter if he knew now? Could it change anything? Was that just the drugs making me rationalise things? Did that matter? Feeling a tear slip past my closed lids, I nodded and felt his hands fall away from my head.

I opened my eyes again to see Brian sitting slumped on the bed in front of me, looking down at his hands. I wanted nothing more in that moment than to take him in my arms and make it okay, but I managed to hold myself back. My arms were probably the last thing that he wanted around him at the moment. Gods, I needed a drink.

Brian's back began to hitch as he cried, and Nick walked over and held him, pulling him off of the bed and hugging him. I started to cry freely and tried to stand up as well.

I only managed to get partway off the bed before I had to give up and fell back onto the mattress. Both the listlessness remaining in me and the pain of trying to hoist myself out of the bed were too much. I gave Nick a look that I hoped he understood, and he sat Brian down on the bedside, then put an arm under my back and pulled me up so that I was sitting as well.

Immediately, I gained my feet and, after taking a moment to get my balance, I wandered over to the window, trying to avoid looking at them, at Brian, as Nick took him in his arms again.

I was once again wishing for that non-existant bar. I had a feeling that it was going to be a long night, and I certainly didn't like the odds of my getting through it without something. The thought occurred to me briefly that if I hit one of them, I might get another needle out of the bargain, then I turned to the table and poured myself a glass of water instead. It didn't come close to doing the trick. I poured for both of them as well, then went and sat down on the bed beside the two of them.

"I want to hear it," Brian whispered without looking at me. "You have to tell me what happened."

"I had a feeling you'd say that," I said softly, passing them both a glass and taking a drink from my own.

"I don't understand what Jackie could do to break you up," Nick said, looking at me. "I mean, she'd already exploded at Brian about it, and stopped talking with him. She hit you. What else could she do?"

"Have you two been talking?" I asked Brian without looking at him. I figured if we were going to talk about this, I was through hiding. If I was going to leave him and everything and everyone else -- and I was pretty sure that I was still planning on doing so -- I would at least make sure that he knew the truth.

"Not long after you left, she called and asked to meet with me. Kevin convinced me to go. She said that she still didn't approve, but she wanted me in her life."

I swallowed the lump in my throat and nodded. "I thought that was how she would do it."

"What did she do?" Nick asked.

Brian started to explain, and then couldn't find the words, his hands making futile, frustrated gestures. I looked down at my hands. "She got me out of the way, and then moved in when Brian was vulnerable. When he needed his mother, she made sure she was there."

"And made sure that she came out with everything she wanted," Brian added slowly, obviously still searching for the words. "I wasn't with Nate, and I was speaking with her again."

"And she also made sure that I would leave you hurt enough that you wouldn't be with another man right away," I said, draining the rest of my glass and missing the warmth that alcohol would have left in my chest.

"Jesus," Nick sighed, looking at us. "How could someone do that to their own kid?"

"She probably thought it was best for me," Brian said, looking pointedly at me. His anger surfaced again quickly, and this time I knew it was also directed at me. "It seems to have been the popular opinion."

I fought it, but broke down again, putting my face in my hands in a lame attempt to keep him from seeing it. "I'm sorry, okay? I had to leave. No matter how much it hurt you, it would have been worse if I had stayed. You have to believe me."

"Tell me what would have happened," Brian said, his voice wavering slightly. "What did she use to make you go? Was it my career?"

I shook my head and wiped at my eyes. Looking up at him, I cleared my throat and shook my head again. "No," I whispered, looking past him to Nick. "It was everyone's careers."

"What?" Nick asked, frowning at me. "What could she do to us?"

"She threatened to go to the media about me and Brian," I said, biting my lip. "She said that if I didn't go, she would out him to everyone."

"What?" Nick asked again, this time in shock. "She wouldn't do that!"

"You have to tell me exactly what happened," Brian said, regaining some of his calm, though I knew it was only on the surface. "I want to know everything that you talked about, and everything that happened."

"I should leave you two," Nick said, starting to stand. "This isn't something that I need to be here for."

I reached in front of Brian and pushed him back down. I wasn't sure if it was a desire to have him hear it, or a desire to have him there for comfort.

Brian was still clearly angry, and much of that anger had my name on it. It had to, after all that had happened. "It involves you too," I said. "If I'm talking, you're listening."

Nick looked at me for a minute, then to Brian, and finally nodded silently.

Brian was watching me, waiting for me to begin. I took another deep breath, searching for a starting place, then began talking.

"That day -- the day before I left -- Andrew Copeland called, and wanted to see me in a conference room. I just thought that it was more stuff about the tour diary."

"He shouldn't have even been in town," Nick said.

I nodded. "That's what I figured later, since none of you had mentioned him." I stopped for another drink and to gather myself again. "After I waited in the conference room for a while, Andrew and Jackie walked in."

"Andrew was in on it?" Brian asked, looking up sharply.

I nodded. "He arranged the meeting, and backed her up." Stopping once more, I looked at the two of them, then back at the floor. "Your mother started out by accusing me of turning you gay, and trying to ruin your life.

"She tried to get me to see reason -- that's what she called it -- and give up on us. I refused and told her that there was nothing that could get me to do that. If I had known what she had in mind, I wouldn't have been so cocky."

"That's when she said she would out Brian?" Nick asked.

I shook my head and was quiet for a moment, putting it together in my head before I spoke. "First she threatened to have me kicked off of the tour, but I told her that she couldn't do that without your support, and she wouldn't get it. That was when she threatened to out us."

I chuckled under my breath, but not with any actual humour. "At first I didn't believe her. I didn't think that anyone would set out to destroy their own son like that, and Andrew didn't seem concerned about it at all. I figured that he had a lot to lose from the scandal, so I thought that she must be bluffing.

"Then Andrew killed that and said that she wasn't, and handed me a piece of paper. It was a press release that would go out in response to the allegations. Naturally, it denied everything. Attached to that was a printed note to the media from a 'source close to the boys' saying that it was all true, and that you were all aware of our relationship, and you had set out to trick your fans." I stopped talking, gently rubbing my wrists together and watching as the bandages shifted slightly against each other.

"What?" Brian asked, finally. "Why would management go along with that?"

"Management wouldn't," I sighed. "Andrew was. As far as management was concerned, you would be straight. Andrew said that even if no one else recognised it, he knew that you guys didn't have much longer for your careers anyway. He said it was inevitable that the press would find out about us, so he didn't have anything to lose by working with your mom. And it screwed me over too, which was added incentive. He and I didn't like each other, and he knew what the scandal might do to my book sales."

"He's so fired," Nick growled.

Brian nodded, but his next statement wasn't about Andrew, betraying just how jumbled his thoughts were. "I didn't think that she would go that far."

I didn't feel much like going on, but knew he needed to hear it. "She said that I was to be gone before the tour moved on. She said she would do anything to get you back and away from me."

"But why go after the rest of us?" Nick asked me. "Outing Brian is one thing, but to do it so that it makes the rest of us look bad--"

"She knew that Brian would walk away from the group before he would leave me. I knew it too, Nick. That was part of what was already bothering me about us being together. She used the rest of you against me. Brian wouldn't do anything to bring harm to you guys, but he wouldn't leave me either. So she gambled that I would rather be unhappy than bring all of you down with me, and I would leave."

"And you did," Brian said softly, looking at me.

"Yeah, I did," I agreed. "And there hasn't been one day since that I haven't gone over it again to try and find another solution. But there wasn't one. I couldn't be the cause of that."

He nodded, but he didn't look at me. "I wouldn't have expected anything else from you," he whispered, sounding defeated. "Neither did she."

"So that's it? She wins?" Nick asked, getting angry. "She uses me and the guys to hurt the two of you, and she just gets away with it?"

I started to say that it looked like that was exactly what was going to happen when Brian spoke. "No," he said, his voice filling with the anger that had been simmering just under the surface. "She's not going to get away with anything. Not anymore."

"Brian--" I began, about to tell him that she still held all the cards.

"Does my father know about this?" he asked, spinning to face me. His eyes pleaded with me to tell him that Harold didn't know anything about Jackie's plan.

My heart leapt at the thought of being able to finally do something to ease his pain. "No," I said, looking him in the eye. "At least, he didn't then.

I don't know about now, but I got the impression that she wasn't going to tell him."

Brian shook his head. "No, when I talked to him today, he seemed surprised but kind of happy to hear that I was here. He must have mentioned it to her."

"And that's when she called," Nick finished for him. "But does it matter if Harold knows about it or not? What's changed? She got what she wanted. You and Nate aren't together."

"We can be," Brian said, looking at me.

That look made me nervous. "No, we can't," I said. "Brian, nothing's changed. I won't put all of you in danger just so that I can be with you. I can't do that to you guys. And you can't just be with me. Not anymore."

"Nick, can you give us a minute or two?" Brian asked, not taking his eyes off of me.

"Sure," Nick said, standing. He finished his glass of water and left it sitting on the bedside table, then walked out into the hall, vanishing in the direction of the cafeteria.

"Nate--"

"No," I said, standing and taking my customary place at the window. It was quickly becoming my favourite spot in the room, even though it was too dark to see much of anything outside. "Whatever you're thinking, no."

"You love me."

"It's not enough," I argued. "Yes, I love you, but I love them, too. I can't ask them to risk everything for us. I can't ask you to risk everything for me," I said, turning to look at him.

He pointed at my hands. "You were willing to give up everything for us. For me."

I crossed my arms so that he couldn't see the bandages anymore. "That's different."

"No, it's not," he said, standing from the bed but not moving closer to me.

"It's not different at all. Since when do you get to be the only one who's willing to make sacrifices? I'm willing to put my career on the line to be with you."

"Is Nick? Howie? Kevin and AJ? Can you ask them to risk everything they have for us?"

"No, but I can tell them what happened, and I can accept their help if they offer it," he said.

"I can't let them offer it, Brian," I said, shaking my head.

"That's not for you to decide," he argued, his frustration with both me and the situation showing through clearly. "You don't get to make the decisions for everyone, you know."

"Brian--"

"You love me," he insisted. "That's got to count for something."

"It did," I admitted. "Once. It counted for everything."

"It still does," he said. "In my mind, that's all I need to know."

"We're not the only ones involved here," I said, crying. "Don't you see that? I won't take everything that you and the guys have worked for and throw it out the window! I won't let her do that!"

"We'll work through that!" he insisted. "Just trust in me. Trust in us, Nate."

"No," I said simply but vehemently, then turned toward the door. "I can't."

"Then what's the difference between what you're doing and what she did?" Brian grabbed my shoulder just before I was able to grab the doorhandle. Spinning me around, he pushed me against the wall. "Trust me," he said, half-glaring at me, then leaned in and kissed me.

My response was immediate and instinctual. I couldn't push him away, so I turned my body, driving my shoulder into his and backing him up a step.

He frowned at me. "Nate--"

"What about Leighanne?" I had barely spoken above a whisper, but he reacted as if he had been slapped. "You're married, Brian! Did you forget that? You may not wear a ring on your finger, but you're married! I may not have been on the scene, but I still heard about it."

Brian glanced down at his left hand, then clenched it shut. "I couldn't wear one. Not if it didn't come from you."

"That doesn't matter! It doesn't change the fact that you've got a wife waiting for you at home. Everything's different now. We can't do this."

"Don't say that."

"It's the truth, and you know it. Even if the rest of the guys backed us up, and even if we could handle Andrew and Jackie, and even if I could forgive myself enough to be with you, that's not going to change. Leighanne is still going to be there, wearing the ring that you put on her finger."

Brian's tears were falling very quickly now, and he made no effort to brush them away. "I'm not happy, Nate. Neither is she. You know I don't love her like I should."

"You married her." Stepping around him, I went back to the window. "That's what matters."

"I thought you were gone! She was there for me, and she was good to me. She didn't ask any questions about what happened. I didn't think that there was going to be any way to be happy without you, and she was there and things were better with her. And my mother--"

"Your mother convinced you that Leighanne was your best chance to be happy."

I saw his reflection nod. "I should never have listened to her. She pushed me to get engaged, and she pushed me to go through with the wedding. I didn't really fight her much, I guess."

"None of this matters," I insisted. "You're married. That's what matters."

"I'm not married!" he said, raising his voice slightly and showing the anger was still there, waiting for an outlet. "I stood up there and gave her a ring, and said what I was supposed to say, but I'm not married."

"The ring and the words make the marriage."

"No, they don't! The committment between the two people make the marriage.

Love makes the marriage. I don't have either with Leighanne, not that way, and she knows it. She may not acknowledge it, but she knows it. You know it."

"Brian--"

"Was your parent's marriage just a ring and some pretty words in front of a minister? Was that all that it boiled down to?"

"No."

"Then you know that I'm right. Leighanne and I are friends, and I do love her, but I'm not in love with her. You're the only one that I love like that. The only one that I've ever loved like that. Leighanne and I are over, Nate. No matter what we do here, I'm not going to be with her. I can't be what she deserves, and it's time we both stop pretending that I can be."

As much as I didn't want them to, his words were starting to make sense. I had been incredibly hurt by the news that Brian was getting engaged, and his wedding day had been perhaps the darkest one since the day I had left him in that hotel room. Part of me, I suppose, had known that he couldn't fully commit to her, but did that really matter? He had committed to her, and who was I to come into that?

Brian saw my hesitation and pressed harder. "We're through, Nate. I'm going to go back and tell her all about you, and about us, and why I can't be married to her anymore. If she decides to freak out and out me, then so be it. But I won't live like this. I can't lead her on."

"Could you really take me back just like that?" I asked him, turning back to face him fully. "After all that I did? After leaving you like that? After refusing to talk to you? After this?" I turned my hands toward him, letting the sleeves of my pajamas slide up my arms to the elbows.

Brian came over to stand in front of me. For a moment, I thought he was going to hug me, but then he reached out and took my hands gently, turning them and rubbing his thumbs gently over my palms. A single tear formed and fell slowly down his cheek as he looked from our hands to my face.

"Yes," he murmured, then cleared his throat. "Yes I can."

"Why?" I asked him, baffled. "How can you forget it so easily?"

"Because as much as it hurts me to look at, and as much as I hate it, this," he said, looking back down at my arms, "is what you're willing to go through to make sure that I'm okay. I didn't say I could forget it, Nate. I'll never forget it, and she's going to pay for it."

I didn't particularly like the sound of that. "Even if Leighanne weren't in the way, Brian, you can't do anything."

He put his fingers to my mouth to shut me up. "I want you back, Nate. I love you, and I want you back."

The uncertainty was running rampant in my head. He made it sound so easy. Could things go back to the way they were? No, probably not. Could they get better? I didn't see how they could get much worse than they were. I looked down at my hands again briefly. They were still cradled in his, and his thumbs were still stroking my palms gently. I don't think he even knew he was doing it, and I know he didn't know how much I took from it.

Looking back up into his eyes, my mind supplied me with an image of a life preserver. He was offering me one, if I was strong enough to take it. I watched another tear slip down his face and made my decision. It was the last tear I was going to be responsible for.

Not believing that I was saying it, and not knowing what huge weight inside of me had just shifted or why, I reached up and wiped the tear away just as it reached his chin. "Okay," I whispered to him. "The gods know I don't know how it'll work, but okay. If you'll have me." I immediately thought of the last time I had used that expression, when I had left Brian sleeping in a Santa Fe hotel room.

"Always," he said softly, taking his hands and cupping my face with them. Drawing me to him, he placed his lips on mine. I heard him sigh gently, and I put my arms around his waist. The kiss was a loving one, not without passion, but certainly not laden with it. It was perfect, as I remembered every kiss from Brian to be.

I could feel in that kiss that it was what we had both been craving. Like walking through the desert and finding a glass of ice water waiting for you.

We had come to the other side, and we were drinking as much as we could. But in the back of my mind, I knew that the journey -- my personal one as well as our shared one -- was only beginning.

When we broke the kiss finally, Brian pulled me against him and rested his chin on my shoulder, his breath moving across the back of my neck. I felt his lips press gently as he kissed me just below the ear. It wasn't the spot that sent shudders through my body, but it wasn't far off.

"Tell me you love me," he whispered, still clinging to me.

"I love you," I said, rubbing his back gently while keeping my wrists away.

"I always will. Nothing can ever change that."

"Tell me you won't leave me," he answered, and I felt his grip on me tighten.

Had I really been willing to give this up? The comfort to be found in his arms? The joy I felt just from hearing his voice? The love that he gave me in every touch, every look?

"Never again," I whispered directly into his ear.

"Promise me."

"I promise," I said without hesitation. Surprised, I took a mental survey and discovered that I really meant it. Any doubt about whether I was going to walk out of this hospital or be carried out was gone. Not only was I going to walk out, but come Hell or high water, I was going to walk out on Brian's arm.

He pulled away from me and searched my eyes.

"Give me your phone," I said suddenly, putting my hand out.

"Why?" he asked, letting go of me long enough to dig in his pocket for it. He finally worked it out of his pocket and put it into my hand.

I took it from him and flipped it open, then dug in my pocket for a second, trying to find the card there. For a moment, I thought I had lost it and started to panic, but then my fingers closed on it and I pulled it out. Checking the number written there, I dialed with one hand and put the other in Brian's.

He was still watching me when the phone was answered on the other end by a very groggy-sounding voice.

"Hello?" it mumbled, and I realised that it was after three in the morning.

"Dr. Lauler?" I asked, feeling guilty for having woke him.

"Yes," the voice said, sounding a little more alert.

"It's Nate Healy, Dr. Lauler. I'm sorry for calling so late, but I wanted to set up some appointments."

When he spoke again, he sounded not only alert, but happy as well, which brought an even bigger smile to my face. "Nathan!" he said, and given the late hour, I decided to let him get away with it. "I'm glad you called. How about I stop by on my rounds tomorrow and we set something up?"

"That sounds just about perfect," I smiled, looking at Brian. He seemed confused, but his smile surfaced in response to mine.

"Then that's what I'll do," Dr. Lauler said, and I could tell from the change in tone that he was writing it down as he spoke. "Nathan?"

"Yes?"

"May I ask what decided you?"

"My boyfriend did," I said proudly, looking at Brian, whose smile turned itself up a notch.

"I'd like to meet him."

"I'll see if he can be here. Do you know what time you'll be coming by?"

"By the look of my day," he said, "I'd say it would be about three."

"I'll see what I can do. I'm not sure how much longer he's in town, but I'll try to get him to be here."

"Okay, Nathan," he said. "I'll see you tomorrow afternoon."

"Thanks, and again, I'm sorry for the late hour."

"Don't worry about it. As long as it's for a good reason, I don't mind missing a dream or two," he laughed.

"Goodnight."

"Goodnight," he responded as I ended the call and handed Brian back his phone with a yawn.

"You're tired," Brian said, putting the phone away again. "I should go and let you get to bed."

"No." I took his hand again. "Don't go."

He smiled and led me to the bed. Pushing me back on it, he let go of my hand long enough to gather my blankets from the floor where he had thrown them and spread them over me again.

"Don't go," I said again.

"Shhhh," he answered, brushing the hair back off of my forehead. He leaned in and kissed me between the eyebrows, then added another quick one on my lips. "Okay. I'll stay until you fall asleep."

He pulled the chair over next to the bed again and sat down, keeping his hand in mine. He urged me to close my eyes, and they seemed to follow his directions against every desire I had.

"Brian?" I asked, not opening my eyes, but fighting sleep long enough to finish.

"Yes?"

"Promise me something?"

"Anything," he answered immediately.

"Promise me you won't take your mother on until I can be with you. That goes for Andrew too."

"He's out of our business first thing in the morning," Brian said angrily.

"No," I said, opening my eyes and struggling to sit up to face him. "Promise me that you won't do anything until I can be there. I don't want you to do it alone."

"I won't work with him any more," Brian insisted.

"You barely see him anyway," I argued. "It won't matter if you wait a little longer. He doesn't know about us being back together, and neither does your mother."

"She will."

I squeezed his hand and shook my head. "No, she won't. At least, not until we can both walk through her front door together. Promise me."

"Nate--"

"Promise me."

"No."

"Brian, promise me. Swear to me that you will wait until I'm out of here, and you won't do it without me."

Brian looked into my eyes and saw how serious I was about this. I wasn't going to back down from it. He sighed and took my hand again. "Okay. We do it together."

"Promise?"

"I swear," he said, nodding. I knew he wasn't happy about it, but I also knew that he wouldn't back out of it. That was when I saw the loophole.

"And promise that none of the other guys, or anyone else, will do it either."

He grinned slightly, and I knew that he had been thinking about exactly that. He nodded and agreed.

I brought his hand to my lips and kissed it softly. "I love you," I said, relaxing again and falling back against my pillows.

"I love you, too."

"Yay!" Nick said from the doorway, making us both laugh.

I forced my eyes to open and smiled as he came into the room with a huge grin pasted on his face.

"What are you smiling at?"

"My favourite couple," he said smugly, sitting down on the edge of the bed and putting the tray he was carrying on the bedside table. It balanced there beside the lamp. On it were three dishes of Jell-O with whipped cream and three mugs. There was a tea-bag string hanging over the lip of one of them.

"What's this?" I asked edging back up in the bed so that I was reclining rather than laying down.

"They didn't have pie," he grinned, pulling the bag out of his mug.

Brian and I groaned and rolled our eyes. Leave it to Nick. "Well," I said, laughing. "I don't think I'm up for the coffee, but the Jell-O looks okay."

"You sure?" Brian asked. "You look pretty tired."

"I'm sure," I assured him. "I've got little else to do but sleep, remember? Though I am pretty worn out. I might need someone to feed it to me." I stuck my lower lip out.

"You're such a suck," Nick laughed, then started laughing some more when Brian actually picked up a bowl of Jell-O and started to bring it to my lips.

I backed away from the spoon and grimaced. It was green Jell-O. He looked confused. "I told you before. Green food scares me." I couldn't stand green Jell-O. In all honesty, there were a few green foods that I liked, but green Jell-O was somewhere close to broccoli on the list of those I refused to eat.

Brian smiled and put the dish back. He picked up some orange Jell-O instead and held it up for my approval. I just smiled and licked my lips. He grinned and brought the spoon to my lips.

"I can't believe you're actually feeding the little freak," Nick laughed, claiming the bowl Brian had just put back on the plate.

"Jealous?" I asked with a grin. Nick just rolled his eyes and set into his own bowl.

After I had cleaned up my Jell-O, Brian started on his own. He ate about half of it, then put it back on the tray. Nick was the only one of us that had touched the drinks. His cup of tea was half gone.

Relaxing again, I lay back down and took Brian's hand. I rolled over onto my side so that I was looking at him, and we just watched each other for a few minutes. Nick was standing at the window, looking out on nothing. Suddenly, I noticed his reflection smiling, and realised that he was watching Brian and I in the reflection in the darkened glass.

He saw me smiling at him and turned back around. He stayed by the window, but he was still looking like the cat that swallowed the canary.

"Thank you," I said.

"For what?"

"Everything."

Nick blushed and came over to the bed again. Brian smiled up at him and patted him on the knee as Nick sat down again. "'Tweren't nothing, ma'am," he grinned, trying to joke his way out of his embarrassment.

I motioned for Brian to help me sit up, then put my arms around Nick's neck, pulling him into a hug. I felt his arms reluctantly close around me, rubbing my back gently before letting go again. I continued to hold him to me for another few seconds before I pulled away a little bit.

"You're my hero, Nicky," I said, leaning in and kissing his cheek. "Thank you."

Nick's blush deepened to a scarlet colour, and he looked down at his feet. "Nate?" he asked softly, almost too quiet for me to hear him.

"Yeah?"

He looked up with a grin. There was still colour in his face, but it was fading quickly. "Does this mean that I get to be your favourite Backstreet Boy?"

Brian and I laughed as I nodded. "You got it. Tabloids be damned."

"Yeah!" Nick said, throwing his hands up and giving the victory sign.

I smiled at his excitement, then yawned again. I could feel each blink getting longer, and knew I wouldn't be able to stay awake much longer.

"So you two are back together?"

"Yeah, we are," Brian told him, squeezing my hand.

"What about Jackie and Andrew?"

"We'll deal with them when Nate's better."

"What about Leighanne?" Nick looked reluctant to bring it up, maybe wondering if I knew about her.

"As soon as I get back to Orlando."

I struggled once more to wake up enough to argue. "No."

"Yes," Brian insisted. "You have nothing to do with her. I got into this mess, and I'll get us both out. I'll talk to her and make her understand."

"And if she doesn't understand? What if she runs to Jackie with it?"

"She won't."

"What if she does?"

"Then you and I will talk about what we do. But I'm going to deal with Leighanne myself, Nate. That's not negotiable. She's my responsibility. Seeing you with me before she knows will only make it harder on her, and I don't want to do that."

I sighed. "You had to start this one when I was too tired to think clearly, didn't you?"

They both smiled at me, knowing that Brian had won that round. "That's enough for you for one night," Brian said softly, reaching over and rubbing his thumb across my temple. "You go to sleep."

I nodded and started to close my eyes, then forced them to open again. "Brian?"

"What is it?"

"Dr. Lauler wants to meet you tomorrow. Around three."

"I'll be here," he assured me.

"Okay," I said, finally letting my eyes close.

"Goodnight," Nick said, patting my thigh.

"'Night."

"Goodnight Nate," Brian whispered as sleep took me.

"Nathaniel," I corrected him.

To Be Continued...