Brian and Me

Hello again, all :)

Okay, this one is way late, and it's all my fault. I'm not going to try passing the blame off on Matt this time. But only this time. Every other time, it's all his fault.

As far as formalities go: None of what you are about to read is true, just like all the rest of the story. It's not meant to imply anything about anyone. Hopefully, you've all caught that much in the last 122 parts. :) As usual, if you shouldn't be reading this, don't be reading this.

Hrm... thank yous.

Thanks to everyone who's already read what's to follow, and for letting me know what you think of it, even if it's just a generic 'I liked it'. Every bit helps, and you wouldn't have seen it ahead of time if I didn't respect your opinion enough to listen to anything you had to say about it.

Big thanks to Matt, for everything. Everything I've already thanked you for, everything I haven't, and everything that you don't think twice about doing but means so much to me. SHMILY, sweetie :)

IMPORTANT NOTE #1: For those of you who have emailed me and are awaiting a response, I have some bad news. I'm so far behind on my emailing. I've decided to just basically wipe the inbox and start over, and hope that I can stay on top of it this time. So please don't take offense if you haven't heard back from me. It's not a personal thing, but a sanity-preserving thing :)

IMPORTANT NOTE #2 (or, judging from the number of emails I've gotten about it, I think it's important): My website was experiencing some major technical difficulties, and people weren't able to get to it most of the time, so I've moved it. You can now find it at www.geocities.com/dls_stories if you're inclined to check it out.

As always, there's an HTML copy of this installment and all of the previous ones on my website, as well as all of the released installments of my NSYNC story, "I'll Never Stop".

And yes, I'm shutting up now. :)

Enjoy!

PART 123

We'd been in Dallas for a few days while the guys got themselves settled back into the tour. They'd been over the specifics of the show a number of times, adjusting to different routines and song orders, and working out any kinks that had set in over their break. We'd been up late the night before while they'd gone over the entire show one last time before the first concert, scheduled for that night.

"Lunch, sweetie," Brian whispered, kissing the side of my neck as his hands descended on my shoulders. I jumped, not having heard him enter. "Stop playing and come eat." He stopped kissing and instead worked his chin back and forth across my neck quickly. He hadn't shaved in the last few days, and the stubble was just long enough now to not be painful when he did it. He'd tried it two days before and gotten an elbow in the stomach for his troubles.

I wasn't sure how long I'd been hunched over the desk, but it had been long enough that even the light squeezes he was giving my shoulders felt wonderful. The desk in my hotel room was certainly not the most comfortable place to work for hours on end. I'd spent enough time there already to have known it before sitting down for this session, but aside from balancing the computer on my lap - something which practically guaranteed a backache - the desk was the most suitable place to work.

I saved my work and tilted my head to the side to give him better access to my neck, but still allowing him to knead my shoulders. "Lunchtime already?"

"Mm hmm," he responded, the sound muffled against my skin. His hands left my shoulders, gliding softly down to come to rest just above my navel. He turned his head to face forward and lowered his chin to my shoulder. "Everything going okay?"

I'd been moving quite well with the book since we'd arrived in Dallas. With all of the free time I found myself with while Brian was taking care of business, I was able to spend as much time with the story as my brain could handle. Nick, seeing me working during a particularly fruitful session, had coined the term 'writing like a banshee.'

While there were definite problems with the analogy, it seemed like it was going to stick. In the day and a half since he had come up with it, he'd used it at every opportunity.

"Everything's going perfectly," I told him, closing the word processor. Underneath it was my email, and I pointed to the latest message. "Carrie's impressed with how much I've gotten done the last few days."

"You showed it to her, then?"

"Not yet. I told her I wanted to wait until I got to a good stopping point first. Once I convinced her that I was telling the truth, and not just trying to trick her into thinking I'd been working, she was okay with it. It's gotta go in soon, though."

"How long to a good stopping place?"

"Not sure. I'm close, though."

"Has she said anything about her and Kevin?" he asked as I shut down my email, and then the computer.

Taking his hands, I rested my head back against him and blinked a few times to counteract the effects of staring at the screen for so long. "Just that they're still talking and trying to figure out what they're going to do about all of this. She seems to be handling it pretty well so far. Has Kevin said anything more?"

Brian came around and waited for me to push the chair out from the desk, then sat facing me on my lap. "Not much. They're talking, and he wants to see if they can stay together."

"She's the one with the decision to make, though," I pointed out. "Kev's going to be a dad; he doesn't really have a choice in the matter now. Carrie's going to have to figure out if she's going to be able to handle it and be comfortable working into that."

"Hard to make the choice, though. They haven't even known each other for very long."

"Yeah," I agreed, moving my hands to his hips. "The baby news could definitely have come at a better time for them."

Brian nodded, then leaned in and kissed my temple. "At least you and I shouldn't have to worry about any surprise pregnancies."

"Not unless you've got some tendencies that you haven't told me about," I chuckled. "No one's going to show up at the door saying they're carrying my child, that's for damned sure."

"You're not into the chicks at all, huh?"

"Oh, I love the chicks. The chicks rock. Sleeping with one - or even thinking about sleeping with one - definitely doesn't rock. No way, no how."

"Hmm."

I reached up and took his head in my hands, pulling it back a little so I could look at him. "Are there any tendencies you'd like to fill me in on?"

He grabbed my head as well as he laughed. "No, sweetie. I'm perfectly happy right where I'm sleeping." I started to pull him in for a kiss, but he pulled away again. "But..."

"But what?" I asked, arching an eyebrow.

"I don't know. I mean, I'm not saying that I want to or would, but I think I could."

"Eww."

Brian let go of my head to punch me in the stomach. "I didn't say I was going to."

"It's still a mental image I didn't need," I smiled, flicking his ear. "Let's go get some lunch."

Brian backed off of me and stood up, then pulled me out of the chair. "You're coming to the show tonight, right?"

"Do I get good seats?"

He pushed me toward the door as he laughed. "The best in the house, just for you."

I got to the door and started to open it. "Then I suppose I can make it."

Before I could get the door completely open, Brian's hand grabbed my wrist.

"Just a sec."

I closed the door again and turned to face him. "What's up?"

"Did I just totally freak you out?"

"With the sex thing?"

"Yeah."

"Pookie, if you haven't freaked me out with a sex thing yet, I don't think you can," I laughed, walking back over to where he was standing. My initial reaction was to keep joking, but he really did look concerned.

"I'm serious, sweetie."

"Yeah, I see that," I told him, taking his hand. "You surprised me, but you didn't freak me out. Think about it: I know I'm the only one you've been with, and I plan on being the only one you're going to be with. You could technically be capable of having sex with a sheep, so long as you don't actually do it."

"You don't have to worry about that one," he smiled.

"I don't think I have to worry about the girls, either," I pointed out, giving him a kiss. "Do I?"

"Nope."

"Well good then. Now let's go before they send a search party." Putting my arm to the small of his back, I pushed him toward the door. "Besides, where on earth would we find a girl who'd want to sleep with you?"

"Nate!"

"Nick!" I mimicked, smiling at him as he turned his attention back to the TV. A burger and fries were sitting on the coffee table in front of him, half-eaten. AJ was on the phone, slipping fries into his mouth in between bursts of conversation. He was making no attempt to keep his voice down for privacy. With the amount of time they spent together, there really didn't seem much point. I still had trouble with the concept, but the rest of them were the same way when making calls in a crowded room. Howie and Kevin were both sitting at the table with their meals, neither one of them phased by AJ's voice or the volume of the TV. They seemed to be going over some notes Kevin had in front of him, and neither one of them seemed all that excited about what they were looking at.

"ALF's on," Nick announced with a grin, waving the remote in the direction of the screen and not taking his eyes off of it.

"How do you even remember ALF?" I asked him, stealing a fry from his plate on my way past him and checking out the screen. ALF was indeed on, and he was making a music video. "Wasn't it on after your bedtime?"

"Nick's got a thing for short hairy guys, sweetie," Brian whispered into my ear, making me laugh. The way his eyes were glued to the television, I could almost believe it.

Nick scowled at both of us, probably guessing the gist of what Brian had said. He kicked me to get me out of the way, then sighed in exasperation as Brian followed me, taking his time while he was in front of the TV. "You know, I was happy to see you two."

"Of course you were," I laughed, ruffling his hair and moving over to the table with Brian in tow. "What's for lunch?"

Kevin looked up with a smile and indicated the pizza sitting on a cart beside the table. From the look of it, the four of us were sharing. "How's the writing going?" Howie asked as Brian pushed me into a chair and started serving.

"Good," I told him, taking the plate when Brian offered it. "I got quite a bit of editing done this morning, and a few new pages written so far. All in all, a good morning. I'll be sending it in to Carrie soon, I think."

Kevin's eyes darted down to the table, then quickly back up at me when I mentioned Carrie. He and I hadn't spoken much about the Carrie situation since we'd gotten to Dallas. Just enough for me to get the message that he felt awkward talking to me about it. I couldn't blame him. Dating a friend of a friend is bound to be strange even in the best of circumstances.

You had to feel for him, just getting started with a relationship and then having this potentially huge monkeywrench thrown into things. He had to be torn up about it, even if he was avoiding telling any of us. I had gotten the impression from what little he did say that he was really starting to beat himself up over the situation, and that wasn't likely to lead to a happy solution to things.

Brian dropped into the seat next to me with his own plate. "He's working like a good boy," he smiled at me. "Which means that I don't have to kick his ass for slacking, and Carrie doesn't have to kick mine for breaking my promise that he'd work."

My hand strayed over to his leg. "I wonder how much harder I'd have to work to go from not getting an ass-kicking to getting an actual reward."

"My guess would be not very much," Kevin said, rolling his eyes at the smile on Brian's face. "I'm pretty sure you'd be able to get an actual reward just for opening the door for him, if you asked for one."

"Did you just call me easy?" Brian asked, pretending to be hurt.

"Horny would be a better word," Howie said around his mouthful of pizza. I knew that he was still uncomfortable with the idea of Brian and I sleeping together, even though he seemed to have come to terms with our being together in the more general sense. This was as close as I'd heard him come to talking about our sex life.

"Put the two together," I laughed, squeezing Brian's leg, "and you've got it perfectly."

"Oh yeah, like I'm always the one asking for it," Brian defended himself with a laugh.

Kevin dropped his slice and picked up his glass. "I don't need to know who's asking for what. Let's just agree that you're both easy and horny, and drop it."

"Dropped," I agreed, starting to eat.

"For now," Brian added as he flexed the muscles under my hand. "But we'll be taking it up later."

Kevin gave him another eye-roll but didn't say anything more on the subject, probably afraid that Brian would decide to prolong the conversation with details he didn't want to hear. Instead, he turned his attention back on me. "You set a date yet for your trip to LA?"

Brian had asked me to put off visiting Andy for a couple of weeks, until they were back into the tour. He said it was because he wanted to make sure he was distracted so he wouldn't miss me as much. I was pretty sure that the real reason was that he wanted me gone at the same time that he talked to his brother. If things went well with Harold, Brian could always invite him to meet me later. If they didn't, I wouldn't be around to stress out and feel guilty for coming between them.

That plan had one major flaw. I wanted to be there, just in case things didn't go well when they talked. I had no doubt that the others would be there for him, and would keep me up to date if anything happened, regardless of Brian's not wanting them to. I could be on the next flight to be with him if he needed me, but that wasn't the point. I belonged there with him, regardless of how things went.

Thinking this, I shrugged in answer to Kevin's question. "Not really, no."

"Must be nice," Howie said with a slight smile. He indicated the pages he and Kevin had been going over. "If you find yourself in need of a schedule, we've got plenty to spare."

"So that's what you two were reading over." I leaned forward and picked up the top page. It was the schedule for that day. I saw the next day's date on the page underneath, and wondered how many days in advance they were scheduled for. "You boys travel with enough paperwork to choke a horse."

Brian leaned over to look at the page. "On the plus side, it says right there that you're mine for a couple of hours this afternoon."

I looked where he was pointing and smiled. "That says 'down time', pookie."

"Doesn't sound like any time that you two would be spending together," Nick put in from across the room.

"That jealousy's showing through again, Nicky."

He gave me the finger and went back to watching TV.

"Haven't you had just about enough? You ate your share and part of mine at lunch, and half of Nick's lunch. You're going to explode."

Brian tore the lid off of the cashews and kicked the mini-bar door closed. "I thought we'd hold off on the exploding until tonight."

"Yeah, yeah," I chuckled, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "You're not going to be any good to me or anyone else all bloated. You'll get about five dance moves in before keeling over."

Brian came to a stop in front of me, our knees touching. Reaching out, he ran the back of his fingers across my temple and down the ridge of my cheek.

"I'll be just fine. Don't worry about me."

I smiled at the gentleness of his touch. Every movement, every gesture Brian made toward me seemed specifically designed to put me at ease. I knew he was just being Brian, but I also knew that there was an extra thought or two behind it that was reserved only for me.

"I was more worried about how embarrassed the guys will be, having to roll you on and off the stage like that," I told him simply, arching an eyebrow.

"Keep it up, funny-man, and they'll be having to wheel you into the concert."

"And you'll be the first one asking for a ride on my lap," I laughed. Grabbing his front pockets, I leaned back a little to pull him slightly off-balance. "Besides, with the amount of food you've been packing in today, I'm pretty sure I could outrun you." I released his pockets and took hold of his shirt-tail instead, undoing the bottom buttons.

"And even if I couldn't, I'm sure people would wonder why you were chasing me around with no shirt on."

Brian watched as I undid another button, then fed me the cashew he had in his hand and set the can beside me on the bed. He licked the salt from his fingers, then took hold of my collar. "Imagine what they'd be thinking if I didn't have any pants on, either."

"I think we'll avoid that particular scandal, thanks," I smiled, finishing with his shirt. "You said you wanted to save that for later, so the pants stay."

Kneeling in front of me, he finished undoing my buttons, and slipped his hands across my stomach to grab me by the waist. "Couldn't they stay across the room?"

I leaned ahead to bring my forehead to rest against his, and looked him in the eye. If I had found any indication that he was serious, I would have had him stripped down in seconds, but I found none. Since we had gotten together, he had never been too amorous before a show.

It was an odd combination to see in him. He was so wound up about performing that he could barely stand to sit still, but at the same time he was eager for closeness and quiet. He would try to literally wrap himself around me if he could manage it.

Most times, he could manage it quite nicely. "They could," I answered him, rubbing my nose against his, "but you'll be in them."

"You can't resist me forever," he whispered, pressing forward to graze my lips with his.

"Big talk for a little guy like you," I chuckled, kissing him quickly and then scooting backward on the bed so I could lay down properly.

"My nuts!" Brian grabbed for the can before my movement could send it spilling over the edge of the bed. Once he heard himself, his face redenned and we both started laughing. He climbed onto the bed with me after shrugging off his shirt. "Don't say it."

"I wasn't going to say a thing," I smirked.

"Good." He set the can at my right hip, then lay down on my left side and put his head down on my shoulder.

He didn't seem to be in a hurry to speak beyond that, so I checked my questions and let him be quiet for a while. Closing my eyes, I tilted my head to the side, bringing my cheek to rest against the top of his head.

With no other stimuli to distract me, I could smell the faint scent of his shampoo, as well as the more distinct scent that was simply Brian. It was a softer, lighter smell than his sleep-smell, but essentially the same. I inhaled deeply, then laughed as one of his curls tickled my nose.

"What are you doing?"

I brought my hand up to smooth his hair back down a little bit. "Nothing."

I heard a low rattle, and opened my eyes just in time to see him pop a couple of cashews in his mouth. The stubble on his cheek scratched my chest as his jaw worked, making me smile. When he moved to return his hand to the can, I quickly put my hand over top of it to stop him.

"Hey," he protested quietly, allowing his voice to drop lower so it came out more as a grumble than a proper word.

He knew that voice usually got him his way, especially when he let his accent thicken as well, but I kept my hand where it was. "What's going on?"

"I was just going to ask you that," Brian chuckled, his finger trying to work its way under my hand.

"I'm not the one stuffing food in like it's going out of style," I pointed out, slapping his hand. "Now what's up?"

"I'm hungry."

"After the lunch you just ate? I don't think so. Is there something going on I should know about? Did something happen?"

Brian sighed and settled more against me. I wouldn't have thought it was possible, but he managed to do it. His cheek settled even more firmly against my shoulder, he shifted his leg and brought it around and under mine, and his hand left the can of nuts alone and ran up my side before tucking in under my waist. "Nothing happened," he said, almost in a whisper.

"Then..."

"Well, we've got the first show tonight."

"I thought everything was going well in rehearsals. The way you guys talk, it's going to be great. You're really nervous about the show?"

"A little."

I reached up and brushed the hair back from his temple, cupping the side of his head in my hand. "You've been away from the tour for three weeks, pookie, not three years. Even you can't have forgotten much in that time."

He chuckled and raised his head slightly before dropping it more forcefully to my chest. After taking a second to get it nestled just right once more, he sighed softly again. "It's just weird, I guess. Usually we have either no break, or a longer one. Three weeks is just long enough to get used to not doing it."

I nodded, understanding. I'd always thought the same way about the Christmas break from school. In many ways it was a very welcome holiday. But it had also always been just long enough for me to get out of the classroom mode and make it difficult to get back into the groove of things once the break was over. "You're going to be just fine, sweetie. You've been over it a bunch of times this week already, and you all said everything was going well."

"Yeah, but the first show back from a break is always a big deal. And doing it in front of empty chairs is a lot different from doing it in front of an audience."

"I've been out on your stage, remember? Right up until I almost got my ass kicked. You're going to be just fine, sweetie."

"Hmm."

"Something else?"

"All this stuff with Kevin. I don't know what's going to happen with him. His entire life just got flipped upside down."

"And you don't have a clue what you can do to help, right?"

"Something like that, yeah," Brian agreed, nodding. His stubble scratched me again when he did it, but the conversation was serious enough to take the fun out of it.

"We're all feeling that way, I think. No one knows what to say or do to help him, including him. And Carrie's just as confused by the whole thing. I would imagine Kathy's the same way, and she's had quite a bit more time to get used to it."

"What is there to do?"

"Talk to him when he needs it, and back him up once they do find a solution, I guess. Try to keep in mind that it might be a mess right now, but that there's something really great at the centre of the mess. A baby is very rarely a bad thing."

"I wonder which one of them it'll look like."

I smiled. "Doesn't really matter, I guess. The kid's gonna luck out in the genetics department."

"As long as it doesn't get those eyebrows of Kevin's."

"I dunno. Kevin manages to make them work for him," I grinned, tweaking his ear. Brian responded by bringing his knee up between my legs menacingly. "I don't know what to tell you about this one, Brian. Other than that I'm sure they'll do whatever's best for the baby, and that can hardly be a bad thing, right?"

"Right."

"So you know that he's going to be a dad, and that he's not going to leave the group. Both are good things. The rest just has to fall into place."

"I wish it would hurry up," Brian half-mumbled, digging into the can of cashews again.

I knew there was at least one more thing on his mind, because it had been on my own mind a lot the last few days, though we hadn't really discussed it much. "You wanna talk about Harold?"

I was answered with another sigh.

"We don't have to," I assured him, dropping my hand to the back of his shoulder. "I just figured we were getting all of the rest of this stuff out, so we might as well add him to the list."

"I don't think I want to talk about that right now, sweetie," Brian answered.

I knew we probably should talk about it, but there was no way I was going to force him to do it if he didn't want to. As connected as we were, it still wasn't my business to be sticking my nose into if he asked me not to, and he had just done so without being so rude about it. Normally, that might not have mattered so much - I had been known to pry - but in this one case, I was backing off. "Alright."

His hand checked itself on the way back to the cashews, then drifted across my stomach and tucked around my waist again, his fingers working their way under me. He inhaled deeply and I readied myself for another sigh, but it didn't come. There was a sound as he let the breath back out, but it was a long way from a sigh. It sounded almost like the contented exhalation I loved hearing from him, but it was softer, not quite so heart-felt.

I was expecting him to say something more; maybe to explain why he didn't want to talk about his brother. It wasn't necessary, but I half-expected it anyway. Instead, he fell quiet again. The only movement he made was his shoulder rising and falling beneath my hand as he continued breathing deeply. Each exhaled breath breezed across my body, almost enough to make me shiver with the sensation. If his arm hadn't blocked it before it could run over my stomach, I don't think I could have stopped myself.

He was quiet and still for so long that I thought he had fallen asleep. I had my head resting once more against the top of his, watching the room through the curls of his hair, and eventually through my eyelashes as my own eyelids began to droop. I was just drifting off when he decided to speak again, and I felt myself jump a little bit beneath him.

"I'm a little worried about Nick."

I blinked back the drowsiness and tried to clear my head. "Worried about Nick? He seems okay. Pretty much like he always is, at least. Whether or not you could call that being okay, I don't know."

Brian shook his head, and I knew he was smiling. "He's just been a bit off since we got here, sweetie. Spending that week with Erron might not have been the best idea. Now he knows what he's missing."

"And who he's missing, right?"

"Exactly." Brian moved away and raised himself up on an elbow to look me in the eye. "Have you been talking to Erron at all?"

"I got an email from him a couple of days ago, but that's it."

"You know he hasn't called Nick?"

"He didn't mention it. I just figured they'd at least been talking. With you guys being so busy, it's been a bit hard to get Nick alone to talk about guys."

Brian smiled, then reached out and lightly grabbed my chin. "He's been avoiding letting you get him alone, sweetie."

"Why?"

"Because you're Erron's friend, and if Erron's decided he doesn't want to stay in touch with him, you're going to feel guilty about letting them get to know each other in the first place."

"Not to mention kicking Erron's ass," I added. "After all the time he's spent drooling over Nick, I don't see why he would be keeping his distance now that he actually knows him."

"And he knew you'd call Erron and get involved, and he doesn't want you doing that. It's up to Erron."

I frowned. My first instinct had been to call him and see what was going through his head. "You're going to ask me not to call him, aren't you?"

"Yep. If you call him and guilt him into calling Nick, it's not going to make Nick feel any better about things. Besides, Nick's got Erron's number, too."

"Then why doesn't he call and see what's going on?"

"Because he knows how Erron feels about him. Nick doesn't want to get Erron's hopes up about something happening between them. We talked about it before we left Toronto, and Nick decided he wasn't going to do anything until Erron did."

I fell back on the bed, bringing Brian back down with me. "How much do you want to bet that Erron is thinking along the same lines?"

"Probably."

"So what do we do about it?"

He tilted his head up to look at me. "We try and take Nick's mind off of it, and you try and keep from calling Erron," he said with a smile. "Nick's going to be irritated enough with my telling you about this, without you adding to it by making Erron call him."

"Maybe I can get Nick to call Erron?"

"You're such a meddler," Brian laughed, slapping my stomach lightly.

"Well, it's dumb," I defended myself. "Even if nothing ever happens between them, they both want to be friends at least. You saw them last week."

"They're grownups, sweetie."

"Grownups in serious need of a boot in the ass."

Brian rolled over and raised himself up over me so he was looking down at me with a smile. "You can talk to Nick, I guess. He's going to know I told you anyway. But you can't talk to Erron about Nick. You do and you'll be the one getting a boot in the ass."

"You don't scare me."

"I'm not the only one you'll have to worry about," Brian grinned, then leaned down and kissed my forehead. "Nick's got bigger feet for kicking."

"Where are you going?"

I almost fell off the edge of the bed. I had thought he was sleeping again. In fact, I had thought I had made sure of it before attempting to get up. "Bathroom?"

"Nice try," Brian laughed, turning onto his side and kicking me.

"Well, it's bugging me," I smiled, laying back on the bed again, resting my head on his thigh.

He reached down and grabbed my hand, bringing it back up to hold against his body. "It's a wonder anyone tells you anything, you know. You just can't know something without doing something about it."

I smiled and shrugged. "It must work, because people do tell me stuff. You knew I wouldn't be able to not say anything when you told me."

"Sure," he agreed, squeezing my hand. "I was actually surprised you didn't get up right then and try and find Nick to talk to him."

"Give me some credit," I laughed. "That wouldn't have been sneaky at all. Waiting for you to fall asleep was better."

"Yeah, it worked out well, huh?"

"The best-laid plans, my dear."

Brian smirked and rolled his eyes, then squeezed my hand again. "So, were you going looking for Nick or heading for the phone to talk to Erron?"

"Nick," I answered, squeezing back. "You asked me not to call Erron, remember?"

"Just making sure you were paying attention." He let go of my hand, letting his fingers play across my wrist for a moment. "Go find him, if you're so anxious to start meddling."

I pretended to be shocked. "I don't meddle. I help."

"You meddle," Brian returned, smiling at my expression of indignant surprise. "But you mean well. Now get moving. I want some more time alone with you before we have to go."

"I could stay," I offered, but he immediately started shaking his head.

"You'd be here, thinking about being there. Go, sweetie."

I climbed up the bed far enough to kiss him, then got to my feet. "I'll be back in a bit. As soon as I'm done helping."

"Yeah, yeah. Put a shirt on."

"Never heard you say that before," I muttered with a grin as I bent over and retrieved my shirt from the floor. Since Brian and I had been in "my" hotel room, I didn't have to make sure I was totally decent before stepping out into the hall. If anyone had been there, all they would have seen was a friend of the band, fixing himself up after a nap or a shower.

Even what little concern I had over the matter wasn't needed, though. The hallway was completely empty, and I made a beeline for Nick's door without bothering to go through the motions of buttoning my shirt.

I knocked, but got no answer. I could hear Nick's music through the door, though, and didn't really expect one. I knocked again, louder this time, and after a couple of seconds the music disappeared. Knowing he was standing at the stereo with his hand on the volume control, waiting to see if he really had heard a knock, I banged on the door again. "Little Nick, Little Nick, let me come in!"

"Not by the hair on my chinny-chin-chin," came the response from right behind the door.

"You couldn't grow a hair on your chinny-chin-chin if you tried, Nicky," I laughed. "Now let me in."

I heard a muffled 'nyah' sound, and just had time to smile before the door opened. Nick looked me up and down, then stood aside for me to enter the room. "So, you come over for a quickie while Brian's in the bathroom or something?" he asked as soon as the door was closed again.

"You aren't getting any more of a peek into my love life than you've already had, Nicky," I told him with a smile, taking in the darkened room. The curtains had been drawn, and while they still allowed some light through, it was muted. The perfect light for an afternoon nap. His bed was unmade, as usual, and for a moment I thought maybe he had been sleeping, but his eyes had none of the puffy look of someone who had been woken up, and the music he'd been playing hadn't exactly been soft and soothing.

The bed was one of the few things about the room that you could actually label as 'messy'. He had surprised me with how neat he usually was. He just didn't seem the type, normally. He couldn't hope to achieve the insane lengths that Kevin went to, but on average he was tidier than Brian usually was. Aside from the bed, the only things that seemed out of place were a small pile of clothes in a chair and a teapot and cup sitting on the bedside table.

"You mean there's something I don't know about it already?" he laughed, moving further into the room. He went to the stereo and hit the stop button, then turned the volume back up. I followed behind him and sat down on the rumpled bedspread.

"I like to think we've got a few secrets. Likes, dislikes, that sort of thing, at least."

Nick eyed me for a minute, and then smiled as he lifted the pile of clothes out of the chair and set them carefully on the floor beside it, then dropped into it. "You like it when he comes anywhere near the back of your ears. He likes it when you do - whatever it is you do - to his neck. He also likes it when you cook for him, and when you talk to him about your writing, even the little bit that you'll tell him about the book."

I felt the smile coming, and lowered my head a bit to try and hide it. Nick was apparently a treasure trove of information about things Brian was apparently too shy to share with me. But there would be time for that later. It wasn't what I had come to talk about. "Nicky-"

"And he likes it when you make noise, even though he knows it embarrasses you. He really likes that nose-rubbing thing you do." Nick stopped for a second, then laughed. "He's even mentioned the way you blink when you're looking at him. He says you do it slower than normal, like you're sleepy."

That one was unexpected, and I laughed myself. Which gave Nick the time to take a breath, smile, and continue.

"And of course, you both seem to like strawberries and cream, vodka, and the outdoors."

The blush rose immediately and made him laugh again. But at least he had given me an opening I could use. "Actually, Nicky, now that you've brought the cabin up, we need to talk about something."

"And what would that something be?"

"Well, someone, really."

His eyes fell immediately as the smile faded. It didn't entirely disappear, but it might as well have. The playful glint in his eye was gone, and for Nick that was 90% of the charm of his smile. "He told you?"

I nodded. "A little while ago."

"He should have known better." It came out sounding more disappointed than angry. "I didn't specifically tell him not to, but I figured he'd know."

"He knew. Both that you didn't want him to tell me, and that it was better if he did, I think."

"I don't see how it is. Now you're just going to call-"

"Nope. He covered that already. I'm not to call Erron to talk to him about you. I promised."

His relief was clear, and the smile returned a little bit. "Then how is it better for you to know, if you can't do anything about it?"

"I can't call Erron. That doesn't mean that I can't talk to you and try to help. Plus, it's better because Brian's worried about you, and with all of the other things that he's worried about right now, keeping it to himself wasn't doing anything to calm him down."

"Kevin?" Nick asked, frowning. He'd managed to maintain a smile through hearing that Brian had told me his secret, but it disappeared upon hearing that Brian had some of his own, and that they were getting to him. "I knew it was bugging him, but I didn't think it was that hard on him."

"Alone, it wouldn't be. Add in the tour starting up again, this thing with you and Erron, and getting closer to having to talk to his brother about me, and it's taking its toll." I knew we were veering away from what I was there to talk about, but had suddenly discovered that I needed to talk as much as I had thought Nick might. Then, Nick added one more thing.

"He's not overjoyed about you taking off for a while, either."

It was hardly a revelation, but the way Nick said it made it clear that 'overjoyed' was definitely an understatement. He saw the look on my face and nodded. "My grandma would say 'tit for tat'. He didn't want me to tell you that. He doesn't want you out of his sight for any longer than absolutely necessary."

"But he wants me gone when he talks to Harold," I returned, sure that I was right.

"More in the 'not in the line of fire' way than in the 'jump on a plane and leave for two weeks' way," Nick answered, nodding. "He doesn't want you anywhere near Harold until he knows for sure what the reaction is going to be, but he'll know that long before you're supposed to come back from LA."

"I don't want to be away from him, either. Maybe I should shorten the trip? Andy doesn't know I'm coming, so it would be easy enough to do. I can always go back after the tour's going well again, and Kevin's managed to sort things out."

Nick pulled his leg up under him on the chair. "If you do - and I think it might be a good idea - make sure you can give him a good reason for it. He'll freak out if he thinks you're just doing it for him."

"Easy enough. Andy'll back me up on whatever explanation I give him for coming back early."

"You lie to him pretty easily," Nick grinned. "I'm not sure if that's a good thing."

"If it saves him from any sort of pain or worry, it's a good thing."

"No argument here."

"You know what else is a good thing?" I asked, arching my eyebrow as I tipped myself over, supporting my head on my hand. "The way I can talk about something else, but still remember why I came to see you in the first place."

Nick laughed and turned sideways on the chair, his legs dangling over the arm. "Thought I had you there for a while."

"You did, for a while. But I came to see if there was anything I could do for you, not to see if there was something you could do for me. I'll talk to Erron if you want me to," I put up my hand to stop the protest he was about to begin, "but I won't if you don't. If you want to talk, I'm good for that, too."

There was a weariness to the sigh that Nick let out that threatened to break my heart. All traces of his smile were gone now, as thought he suddenly didn't have enough hope or energy to keep even a false one on his face, for my benefit. "What's to talk about?"

"Lots, from the look on your face. If you want me to butt out, say so. But I know what it's like to have no one to talk to, and I want to make sure you know you do."

He nodded, then watched me for a minute without speaking. His eyes narrowed, though not in a threatening or angry way. It looked more like an analytical thing. It was the way you look if you're searching for a specific small detail that had changed within a sight you see everyday.

When he did speak, I was positive that he was indeed going to tell me to butt out, but he surprised me. "I thought he liked me."

I took a moment before I responded, watching him watching me. It wasn't that I needed time to come up with an answer, but that I couldn't figure out how to say it. It sounded wrong to simply say 'of course he likes you; do you know who you are?', but in the end, that was essentially all I could come up with.

"Nicky, he does like you. He's liked you for years."

"You told me that," Nick said, shaking his head. "But that's not what I mean. You told me before that Kevin and Harold both asked you if you loved Brian or if you loved the Backstreet Boy named Brian, right? Erron's liked the Backstreet Boy named Nick for years. He met Nick the morning before we went to the cabin."

I nodded to let him know that I understood.

Nick brought his hand up to his face. I thought it was to wipe away a tear or something, but instead he scratched his nose. When he tilted his head to do so, the light fell on him strongly enough for me to see that his eyes were dry. If there tears in this for Nick, he'd either already cried them, or was waiting to do so. Maybe both.

"I just thought that he liked that Nick," he finally finished. His voice cracked, but there was no waver to it.

"He did like that Nick," I assured him, smoothing the bedspread out in front of where I was laying. "How could he not? That Nick is funny and charming, and a great friend. I've known Erron long enough to know when he's enjoying himself, and he definitely was last week. Backstreet Boy Nick might have walked through the door that first day - from his point of view, at least - but it was just regular old Nick that he offered his bed to the other morning before heading off to work."

Nick's smile returned at that thought, as I had known it would.

"And," I continued, "I'd be willing to bet everything I own that regular Nick got a lot more kisses, hugs, touches, looks, words and thoughts last week than that other Nick did."

"And neither Nick gets any of those this week," Nick mumbled. In the silence of the room, I had no trouble hearing him.

"I promise, Nicky, you're getting a whole lot of his thoughts. He's just not letting you know about it."

"Why, though? He's got my number, and said he'd call."

"You have his number, and said you'd call, too."

"That's different, though."

"I don't think so, really. I'd know for sure if I could call him about it." I trailed off, giving him the opportunity to give me permission to call, but he didn't take me up on it. "But, do you want me to take a guess?"

"It's bound to be better than mine, right?"

"Bound to be," I agreed. He gave me the go-ahead signal with his hand. "He knows you're not ready for anything really to happen between you, and he knows that you have fans throw themselves at you every day. He also knows that you know that he's one of those fans. At least, he was.

"My guess is that he's waiting for you to make some sort of move to let him know that you're interested in being friends, rather than risk you thinking he's only after superstar Nick. He might call, but he'll wait a while so it doesn't look like he's wanting more than you're ready for. He'll also be wanting to avoid you thinking he's a giggly fan pestering you for your attention, but I can pretty much guarantee that he does want your attention."

"So I should call him."

I smiled. "I think so. Like I said, I'm sure he will call, but it'll be a while. Until he's sure you'll recognise it as the 'let's be friends' call, rather than the 'I want to jump your famous bones' call."

Nick smiled again and threw his head back, stretching in the chair. "But if I call, what's to stop him from thinking that it's an 'I want you to jump my famous bones' call?"

"Aside from the fact that he's been told already? Trust me on this one, Nicky. If there's one thing I can tell you from experience with Erron, it's that he won't push for anything more than you're ready for."

"Done meddling?"

It didn't look like he'd moved much while I was gone. He was still lying on his stomach on the bed, with his head turned toward me. His eyes followed me as I closed the door and walked to the edge of the bed, but they were the only part of him that moved.

"Helping, pookie, helping," I corrected. Dropping my shoulders, I let my still-unbuttoned shirt fall down my arms to the floor again, then climbed onto the bed with him. "And I think I'm done, yeah. For now."

"Good."

I lay down on my stomach beside him, turning my head so I was looking right at him. I remembered what Nick had said about my blinking slower when I was looking at Brian, and smiled. There was no way for me to be sure about it, since paying attention to it would mess up the results, so I decided to take his word for it.

"What are you smiling about?" Brian asked, his mouth twitching upward. "Nick putting the moves on you?"

"You two think alike," I grinned inching closer to him so our arms were pressed against each other. "I was just thinking about something he told me."

"What's that?"

"Oh, nothing."

"Is he going to yell at me for telling you about him and Erron?" Brian's hand brushed against my arm, then his fingers found my own and he took my hand. "He's not too mad, is he?"

"Furious," I said, nodding and trying to keep a straight face.

"Shut up!" Laughing, he nudged me with his elbow. "You know what I meant."

"Well, as if I'd come back in here smiling if he were mad at you. He's probably going to want to talk to you," I grinned, nudging him back, "but I think you're safe from a major ass-kicking."

"And you managed to help?"

"Don't I always?"

Brian smiled and bent his neck, stretching to kiss my shoulder. "You always manage to make me feel better."

I pulled my hand from his and ran it up over his waist and across his back, grabbing at the muscles as I encountered them. "Well, a boy's gotta have a hobby."

Brian's chuckle cut off before it could even properly begin, and he raised the shoulder that wasn't pressing against mine. When he did, the muscles currently under my hand bunched and I gave them a squeeze, smiling at the low grunt he made.

"You know what would make me feel really good?"

"I've got a pretty good idea," I laughed, already rising to my knees. Shifting over on the bed so I was over him, I settled back until I was sitting on him and started running my hands over his back. "How's this?"

His chin was nestled down into his shoulder so he could look back at me, and his hands came back and gripped my legs. "Just perfect."

Leaning forward, I ran my hands up his neck, then back down his shoulders and upper arms. The only movement he made was to momentarily reposition his chin so it was out of my way. As soon as he was sure I wasn't about to do it again right away, he returned it to his shoulder, one eye popping open again so he could see me.

"Mmm. You know," he said quietly a few minutes later as I worked on his lower back, "we really should pay you for this."

I grinned and bent forward to bite his shoulder gently. "I think you're right. I could be the tour masseur. That way, I'd get to touch all of you guys like this."

"I might have to rethink my proposal a little, sweetie."

"I thought you might say something like that," I agreed, running my fingers lightly down his ribs. He jumped and wriggled under me, laughing. With a laugh of my own, I repeated the move, and he bucked so hard I had to sit back up to keep from being hit by the back of his head.

I continued my upward movement until my knees were raised off the bed and I was more crouching than kneeling, then grabbed his wrists and made sure they were inside my legs when I came back down, pinning him where he was. Then I went back to tickling him.

He continued to jerk and buck under me and trying to speak around his laughter to tell me to stop, but he couldn't quite manage it. Not that it would have done him much good. I was enjoying myself.

Finally managing to get a hand free, Brian used it to brace himself on the bed, and then levered upward and back, knocking me off balance. I put my own hand down on the bed beside and behind me to catch myself, but it gave him enough room to flip over on the bed. If he'd had another second, he likely would have launched himself at me, but he had to settle for being able to see and grab me when I settled back over him.

His face was flushed from laughing and struggling, but the smile made it clear that he was enjoying himself. I sat there looking down at him, the tip of my tongue sticking out of my mouth at him, and waited for him to move.

"What part of 'stop' do you not understand?" he finally asked, his hands coming up to grab my wrists as I began to move my fingers up his side again.

"I didn't hear you say 'stop'," I grinned. "Not even close."

"You know I'm going to get you back."

"I'm not ticklish," I countered, sticking my tongue out again, just far enough for him to know I was doing it.

He sat up as far as he could, then reached up and brushed the hair away from my temple. His hand continued, and he traced a finger down the back of my ear. Immediately, my head turned in that direction, and my eyes closed briefly.

"What do you call that?" he asked, his smile turning smug.

"I'm sensitive, not ticklish," I told him, still feeling his touch. I bent my neck, trying to rub my ear against my shoulder to lessen the sensation, then smiled when he laughed.

"Same thing."

"Nope," I answered, shaking my head slightly. "Watch." Before he could say anything else, I leaned in, tilted my head, and latched onto his adam's apple, running my tongue over it a few times. The sound that escaped him was certainly not a laugh. Sitting back up, I watched his eyes until they focused on me again. "That tickle?"

"Mmm, nope."

"See?"

"I'm still going to get you."

I turned on the bed, bringing my knee back over him so I could sit with my feet on the floor. "You might wanna bring a friend to help you, little man," I laughed, slapping his stomach.

He jumped at me then, but he was too late. I'd been off and running as soon as - possibly before - my hand made contact with his stomach. I was to the door before he was even off the bed.

I should have been safe, and would have been, if I had been watching where I was going instead of laughing like a fool and looking behind me to make sure Brian couldn't grab me. Instead, I ran out into the hallway at full-tilt right into AJ, sending us both to the floor. I had just enough time to register the look of surprise on his face before I was trying to tuck and roll to avoid landing directly on top of him.

Brian must have heard us, because he came out into the hall much more cautiously, and started laughing. I sat up to find AJ still sprawled on his back, arms and legs spread out, a slightly bemused expression on his face.

"You alright?" I asked, already seeing that he was, and was just milking it for the comedy.

"That's the last time I do Kevin a favour," AJ said to the ceiling, still not looking at either one of us. "I don't care how rough you two wanna be with each other, but try and keep me out of it next time."

"I was just-" Brian started, but AJ threw a hand up to stop him.

"I just got bowled over in the hall by a half-naked man you were chasing. I don't even wanna know what was going on."

I saw Brian give a look around, making sure no one was witnessing what was being said, and smiled at how futile it was. If they'd seen what had happened, nothing AJ said was going to give them a clearer picture of the situation. Besides, AJ had been in the hall before I ran into him. He would know if anyone else was around.

"Nate was-"

"I don't want to know what Nate was doing, thanks," AJ reiterated with a grin as he sat up. It reminded me vaguely of the way Frankenstein sat up from the lab table, only he kept his arms at his sides instead of sticking them straight out.

I chuckled up at Brian, then got to my feet and offered a hand to AJ. "He made me, AJ. I swear."

"I bet," came the flat answer, making it clear just how much he believed me.

"If you didn't want to join the fun," I asked him, still chuckling, "why were you heading for our room?"

"That would be the favour for Kevin. He said he figured you two were getting sick of hearing him come knocking on your door-"

"We are," Brian and I agreed together, grinning at each other.

"So he sent me to do it," AJ finished, shaking his head at us. "Never again, I tells ya."

"We weren't doing anything," Brian tried, but I could tell from the look on his face that he knew he was just digging himself - both of us - in deeper.

"Two half-naked men come flying out of their room, flushed from doing something. I don't want any part of it." AJ turned back up the hall the way he had been coming from when I ran into him, dropping a wink in my direction. "No wonder Kevin didn't want to get you guys. Who knows what kind of horrors he's seen?"

I laughed, and nudged him as he passed me, then headed back toward Brian, who was still standing at the door to our room. "You going to behave long enough to get dressed?"

"Maybe," he answered, pretending to consider it. "Maybe we'll need a warning from Kevin after all."

I decided to take my chances, slipping past him back into the room, grabbing his hand and pulling him along with me.

"You sure you don't want to come?" Brian asked, putting his arms around my waist. He kissed my cheek, then trailed his lips over to my ear. He'd shaved, so at least I didn't need to worry about a whisker-rub this time. "I'll make sure you have fun."

I closed my eyes while I held him for a moment, then turned my head and gently bit his neck, enjoying the slight shiver that went through him. "I'm sure. Seeing the rehearsal takes all the magic out of seeing the show."

"But you've seen the rehearsal already," he protested, still speaking lowly and directly into my ear.

"And tonight I'll see the show. Right now, I'm going to get some more written while it's fresh in my head, and you're going to go work off some of your lunch so you can actually move tonight."

"Not if he doesn't get a move on, he won't be," Nick laughed, and I felt him smack Brian's shoulder. "You gotta let Nate go, Brian," he continued, sounding like someone speaking to a child reluctant to let a favourite toy out of their site. "You can have him back later, I promise."

Brian laughed, kissed my cheek once more, then let go of me. "Sure you want to stay here?"

"I'm sure." I slapped his ass to get him going. "Get moving, or they're going to leave without you." The rest of the guys chimed in, confirming that they were only seconds from abandoning him with me. Not much of a threat, really, and we all knew it. He went, though.

I gave him a quick kiss at the door of our room, then watched as they all piled into the elevator. As soon as they were out of sight, I turned and closed the door behind me, then went straight to my computer and hit the power button, determined to make staying behind worthwhile.

While the computer started, I made a quick trip to the fridge and got myself a bottle of water, then went right back to the desk before anything else could distract me. I was partway there when my cell phone started ringing.

I almost didn't answer, preferring to get into the story again, then take a quick break to get back to whoever it was, but instead I dug the phone out of my pocket and put it up to my ear. "Hello?"

I expected it to be Andy, maybe Erron. Though Erron calling right after my talk with Nick seemed a little too coincidental. Maybe Jeff or Cindy, or even Mom. Dad didn't make phone calls if he could avoid it. Instead, it was a different voice altogether; one that I knew immediately I should have been able to place.

"Mr. Healy?"

"That's right. Who's this?"

"Andrew Copeland, Mr. Healy. We met at the concert in-"

"I remember," I interrupted. I tried to remember more about our conversation at the concert, but only two things really came back to me. The first was that he had been there to talk about my writing a tour diary for the guys, and the second was that we hadn't liked each other much.

"I've got the contracts you forwarded to me," I continued, looking at the side pocket of my computer bag, where the folded contracts were stowed. "I've signed them. Kevin was going to have them sent back to you for me."

"Actually, Mr. Healy, we need to talk about this arrangement."

That caught me off-guard. "Um, okay. I'm with the guys in Dallas right now. Are you wanting to join up with us on the tour?" I was really hoping he wasn't expecting me to fly across the country just to have a meeting with him.

He obliged me, but in an unexpected way. "I'm here in Dallas, as a matter of fact," he answered, speaking in a tone that made it clear that he expected I would fly across the country to meet with him, if that was what he wanted me to do.

"Really? No one mentioned that."

"I hardly think you're entirely in the loop when it comes to the tour, Mr. Healy."

"I suppose I'm not, no." What little good humour that had been in my voice was gone now. This man seemed designed to annoy me. "When would you like to meet?"

"Right away. I'll meet you in the hotel's main conference room in ten minutes."

I barely had time to agree, let alone argue, before he hung up the phone.

To Be Continued...

Thanks for reading!

~D~