Brian and Me

And hello again! :)

First, the formalities: None of this story is true. It's not meant to imply anything about anyone, and if you haven't caught onto that by now, I'm very disappointed in you. :) But, if you shouldn't be reading this, then you probably shouldn't read this. If you can, then you should. 'Nuff said?

'Nuff said. :)

As usual, the thank yous that I owe are too numerous to all be put here, but there are always a few who deserve extra attention, both for their friendship and for their help in putting this together.

Scotty, my friend. I know you know how important you've become to me, just as I know that anyone else who's been paying any attention at all knows it. I also know that you'll appreciate hearing it anyway. :) Quite simply, you're fabulous. You continue to amaze me. That's about the highest praise that I can give anyone, and it's certainly deserved.

Mike Ellis. Again, I'm at a loss for words. We've been over exactly why I think you're so incredible so I won't go through it again, but know that I meant every word I said. Your help with this installment is very much appreciated, but it is also very much a distant second to my appreciation of your friendship. You've demonstrated that friendship quite nicely recently, and I thank you that, and for not letting me chicken out.

Dan. While you've been absolutely no help with this installment, I couldn't pass up the opportunity to let you know how great you are. Sexy as hell, interesting to talk to, and absolutely hilarious. You got it all, kid. And I told you Matt would like you. :)

And to everyone else that I've not mentioned, thank you. You're not forgotten.

If there's anyone out there who's surprised that I've saved Matt for last, then you really have to start paying more attention. :) Last time, I got a little gushy. I meant every word of it. This time, I'll go for brevity, though it's no less heartfelt. There's really only one thing that needs to be said: SHMILY, sweetie.

As always, there's an HTML copy of this installment and all of the previous ones on my website (dls-stories.homepage.com), as well as all of the released installments of my NSYNC story, "I'll Never Stop." Thanks again to SDauson for his work on giving my site a new look, and thanks to everyone who's stopped by to check out the stories and the site.

And yes, I'm shutting up now. :)

Enjoy!

PART 115

Hands on my stomach, mouth on my chest. Shift. Hands on my chest, mouth on my neck. Shift. Hands on my neck, mouth on my mouth. About damn time. Smiling to myself, I began kissing Brian back, rolling forward slightly so that he knew I was awake.

"Morning, sleepy-head," Brian smiled, pulling away and lowering his head to the pillow. We were both on our sides, looking at each other. During the night, the blanket had slipped down so that it was just covering us from the waist down, and I reached down and pulled it up some more. As much as I enjoyed Brian's bare upper body, I was almost freezing. I made a mental note to check and see if Erron had been playing with the air conditioner.

"Good morning," I returned, resting the blanket over our shoulders and shifting on the bed so that I was pressing against him.

"Just barely. If you'd slept very much longer, we'd be saying good afternoon."

"It can't be that late, can it?" But the light in the room did seem off. It had too much character. The innocence that the morning light carried was missing.

"Twenty to twelve, sweetie."

Sighing, I leaned my head forward and kissed his nose. "So what? You just woke me up for a proper nooner?"

Brian laughed and nudged me. "No, I woke you up so you'd have time to shower before lunch."

"What am I making?"

"Nothing. Nick's making lunch today. And he said you'd better be on time or you're in big trouble."

"How much trouble could Nicky give me?"

"With Erron and me to help?"

"Ooh, I'm scared now."

"You'd better be," Brian laughed, pressing forward until I was pinned and lying on my back, looking up at him. "You're so lucky I didn't think of the nooner before I promised Nick we'd be ready."

"Sounds unlucky to me." I brought my hands up his sides, cupping his face and bringing it to mine again. After a moment, he sighed and dropped his weight down, resting fully on me. "If you were to come to the shower with me..."

"Nice try, Romeo, but I've already been in the shower. There's no way I'm going to help you be late."

"You know, you're no fun. No sense of adventure at all. OW!" I cut short as he bit my nipple and started to laugh. "That was uncalled for," I muttered, flicking his shoulder. "But at least you're more energetic than you were yesterday at this time."

"Just being alive makes me more energetic than that," he laughed, rolling off of me. "Though the same could be said for you. As I recall, you're the one who was bitching about his eyes."

"And you were the one trying to blind me by providing no warning before making me stare at the sun."

"That was an accident."

"And you were the one that got me in trouble in the hot tub last night, too."

Brian chuckled and kissed my shoulder. "Like you weren't enjoying yourself. And I'm pretty sure I made up for that after we went to bed, didn't I?"

"There might be just a little bit of resentment left. Care to take care of that?" I winked at him, making him laugh again.

"Not right now, sweetie. Nick would kill us both, and then neither of us would be making up for anything. Besides, you're the one who pushed me into the window and left that smudge. I think we're even."

"I cannot be held accountable for that which I don't remember," I smirked. "And it was you who seduced me on the deck."

"You brought the vodka. And the strawberries and cream, now that I think of it."

"Yeah, like you had to be forced to consume either of them."

"Hmmm. Forceful is fun."

"Enough of that, mister, or you'll make me late."

Brian ripped the covers off of me and started to push me toward the side of the bed. "Then get going, before I stop caring about you being late."

Smiling, I sat up and turned around, setting my feet on the floor. "Fine. I know when I'm not wanted."

"Oh, you're wanted." Brian's hand traced down the small of my back. "But it's Nick who wants you. And, sweetie?"

I had stood up while he talked, and turned back to face him. "Eh?"

Brian grinned. "Be nice to Nick."

"I'm always nice to Nick," I answered, slightly confused.

"I mean about lunch. He's really kinda looking forward to making it, since you've been feeding us all week."

"What's he making?"

"I don't know, but it's not going to be anything too involved. Just maybe no jokes like you do about Erron's cooking?"

"Well, Erron's cooking is horrible!"

"I'm sure it is," he smiled. "But steer clear of that with Nick."

I didn't see why that was such a big deal, considering that I always joked around with Nick, but it was clear that Brian thought it was, so I agreed. "Okay. Whatever you like."

"Good. Now kiss me again and then go shower."

I bent over the edge of the bed and kissed him, then crawled back onto the mattress as I pushed him back until he was laying down again. Brian started to grin against my lips as he grabbed my shoulders, planted his feet at my hips, and lifted me over him and placed me back on the floor on his side of the bed.

"I told you to go shower," he grinned as I straightened up again.

Shaking my head, I grabbed some boxers and shorts from the dresser and started for the door. "Okay, but this better be a damned good lunch."

"Hey! What did I just tell you?"

"Yeah yeah, be nice to Nicky," I smiled, opening the bedroom door, checking the hall for any onlookers, and then streaking to the bathroom to shower.

"Sweetie, I was just..." I announced, coming back into the room with the towel still on my head.

"Is it too much to ask for you to put a shirt on?" Erron asked with a laugh, looking away from the TV.

Once my heart started again, I smile at him. "For you? Yes." I finished toweling my hair dry and threw the towel over Erron's head.

"Gee, thanks."

"I know it's not a sweaty hankie from Nick, but it's the best I could do on short notice," I laughed, working with my hair in the mirror and watching his reflection. "Don't you even think about it," I added, seeing him spinning the towel.

He grinned and dropped it over the back of a chair to dry. "So."

"So," I countered. "To what do I owe the pleasure of having you waiting for me in my bedroom?"

"I had an idea."

"That is news."

"Fuck you," he laughed.

"Wishful thinking, sweetie." I turned from the mirror and leaned against the dresser beside me. "What was your idea?"

"You want some more time alone with Brian?"

"I take it you want some more time alone with Nick."

"Just answer the question, bitch."

"Sure. We don't get a lot of alone time, really. Well, nights we're alone, but that's different."

"Yeah, it is."

"Okay, so what's the plan? And why do you want time alone with Nicky?"

"Can't I just be wanting to help you out?"

"Well, you could be, but you're not. So spill it."

"I just want to talk to him for a little while."

"About what?"

"Stop being so nosy." Erron smiled and dropped back on the bed. "You're just like a mom. And, like a mom, some things just aren't meant for your ears."

I laughed and walked over to sit beside him. "Fine. You and Nick are going to talk. So, what's the plan?"

"The four of us take a hike."

"Uh, sweetie? The four of us doing something kinda negates the being alone part of the plan."

I got a punch in the side. "If you'd let me finish..."

"By all means," I invited, rubbing my side.

"You and Brian take the trail, and you wait for us on the cliff. Nick and I join you up there after a while."

"How long is a while?"

Erron laughed and sat up. "Long enough for what you're thinking about."

"I wasn't thinking anything."

"What else is new?"

"Shup," I grinned. "So that's your plan?"

"Yep. I'll stick around after lunch and help clean up, and you and Brian can get off... er... take off."

I returned the punch he had given me a moment earlier and stood up from the bed. "Funny guy. Okay, it sounds good to me. I'll check with Brian, but something tells me he won't have a problem with taking a nice romantic walk through the trees."

"I doubt it."

I grabbed his hand when he offered it, and pulled him off of the bed as well. "Let's go."

"You putting on that shirt I requested?"

"Nope. You'll just have to chance my stealing Nicky's attention with my fabulous body."

"If you've got a fabulous body, what are you doing using that one?"

"Come on," I smiled, pushing him out the door and into the hall ahead of me.

Brian grinned from the reading chair in the corner. "That was a pretty fast shower for you, sweetie."

"No distractions and the promise of food," I told him, sitting on his lap. He just had time to put his bookmark in and set the book aside before I landed.

"You know, a better answer would have been that you missed me."

"Didn't want to lie to you." I laughed and kissed his temple. "Besides, Erron's listening."

"Oh yeah, wouldn't want him hearing anything embarrassing," Brian grinned. "Not like that's happened before. Especially from you. I thought I was the vocalist in this relationship." Erron laughed to himself and left us alone, walking into the kitchen to give Nick a hand.

"Pookie?" I put my finger under his chin and angled his face up so he was looking at me.

"Eh?" he asked sweetly.

"Ooh, we'll make a Canadian out of you yet."

"Don't get your hopes up. I may have a soft spot for Canucks, but I have no desire to become one."

"Ooh, a soft spot, eh?" I laughed, shifting on his lap a little. "And, I didn't say you had a choice in the matter."

"Well, I say I do, and my choice is to not live in an igloo."

"Bitch."

"Maybe so," he nodded, as though seriously considering the possibility that he was a bitch. "But I stand by my non-igloo statement. Now are you going to tell me what you wanted, or just sit here holding my chin all day?"

"I don't remember what I wanted."

He rolled his eyes at me.

"But, when in doubt, go with what you know." I smiled, leaned in, and kissed him.

I had meant it to be just a small kiss. Slightly more than a peck, maybe, but Brian had other ideas. Not that I fought him much. He shifted under me, turning to face me more directly, and rested one arm on my thigh and the other on the centre of my back, holding me to him as though he thought I might try to get away. He needn't have worried.

We were still locked together when a pair of hands grabbed my waist and hoisted me to my feet. "I said, lunch is ready," Nick laughed after he had released me. "Dessert can wait."

"But it was my favourite," Brian grinned, getting to his feet.

Lunch turned out to be hamburgers, and they were very good. Homemade burgers, and even a salad to go with them. I don't know why it surprised me, but it did. Nick just never struck me as a particularly culinarily-minded person. Not that hamburgers and a salad proved that he was, but it certainly proved he was more of one than Erron ever would be.

I made sure to let him know that I appreciated the lunch, and how good was.

I could tell from the looks that Brian gave me that he was glad I had taken his advice to heart. Nick seemed pleased as well, which puzzled me. Maybe I needed to look into being a little less sarcastic with him. Not always go for the cheap shot. Then again, much of my life with my friends was measured in cheap shots.

When we were finished eating, Erron and Nick started to clear the table. I was about to excuse Brian and I so that we could get ready for our walk when Brian's phone started ringing. He grabbed it off the counter and answered with a curious glance.

"Hello? Oh, hey, Kev."

Figuring Kevin was finally calling to tell them about Kathy's bundle of joy, I smiled and indicated for Brian to head into the living room, and I helped with the cleaning up. "Wonder what Kevin wants?" Nick asked, lifting the salad bowl.

"I'm sure if it's important, you'll find out," I assured him, still smiling.

"Probably just calling to gush about Carrie."

I laughed and headed into the kitchen with my armload of dishes. Somehow, I didn't think that was it. No sooner had the two of them joined me in the kitchen than we heard Brian's voice. "She's what?"

I chuckled, drawing glances from both Nick and Erron. "What do you know?" Nick asked with a slow smile appearing on his face. "What's going on?"

"Like I said, Nicky, you'll find out."

"Get used to this, Nick," Erron advised, nudging me out of the way. "He always seems to know what's going on, and he never shares the information."

"Ooh, that hurt," I laughed, nudging him back. "I'll just leave you two alone, then, if I'm not going to get the proper level of respect."

"Oh, were we showing you too much?" Nick asked, sticking out his tongue from across the island.

"Oh, Nick, you could never show too much," I returned. "Just ask Erron."

"The boy's got a point there," Erron said, making me laugh as I excused myself and joined Brian in the living room.

He was sitting on the back of the couch that was in front of the fireplace, and looked up when I entered. There was a small smile on his face, like he wanted to be happy but wasn't sure if he was or not. I wasn't really surprised, considering what a change the baby was going to bring into the group's image, and likely into the dynamic between the guys as well.

"Sweetie, you're not going to believe - what?" he said, returning to the phone for a second, and then looking back at me with shock. "How does he know already?"

I broke out laughing and sat down on the couch he was resting against. Sitting sideways on the cushion, I lightly stroked his leg while he and Kevin talked for a few more minutes. Brian gradually let go of the reservations that he must have been having and decided to just be happy for Kevin. Before too long, he was rattling off name suggestions.

A few minutes later, Brian nudged me from my reverie and handed me the phone. "Kev wants to say 'hi'."

Grinning, I took the phone. "Hey, old man! I guess she finally told you, eh?"

"You bastard. How long have you known about it?"

"For sure? A few days before she must have told you. The day we went down to the girl's school was when I actually knew, but I'd been wondering."

"You're going to have to teach me to do that. You freaked her out with your note, you know."

I chuckled. "Did she show it to you?" I asked, smiling up at Brian as his hand landed on the back of my neck.

"Yeah, she showed me. Whatever was in the notes for the other three, you got through to them, too. But none of them was sharing."

"Good," I laughed. "If I had wanted your sorry ass to know what was in them, I would have given them to you. So how are you taking it?"

He sighed, and I wondered for the first time where Carrie was, and whether he had told her. And if he had told her, how she had taken it. "I'm okay, I guess. Still a little in shock. I mean, I expected it to happen eventually, but this isn't quite how I pictured it."

"Not quite?"

"Okay, it's nothing like I pictured it. But there's no arguing against it, is there?"

"Maybe not, but there are options you could look into." Brian sort of gasped beside me, and swung around to drop onto the couch. I had a feeling that the disbelief on his face would be mirrored on Kevin's, but I thought someone had to bring it up. "Kev?"

"I'm here. Just caught me off-guard there. If you're talking about-"

"I'm not talking about anything specific, or endorsing anything, Kev. Just thought someone should point out that they're there."

"I guess. But we're not going to..."

"Good. I didn't figure you would. So you asked her to marry you, right?"

"Dammit, cut that out!" Kevin laughed. "Yeah, I did."

"And she said 'no'."

"Right again. Any more insights?"

"Well," I smiled. "You're not likely going to be wanting to hide this from the world, so I'm thinking that you're already thinking about how to spin this when the news gets out."

"Yeah. I want to talk to the rest of the guys about it, and then we'll have to talk with management."

"They're not going to be happy."

"No, they're not, but they don't really have a lot of choice in the matter."

"Nor should they. But what about Carrie? I take it you've told her about this."

"I told her last night. Things were getting to the point where I couldn't keep going without not telling her, if you know what I mean."

"I get the idea," I smiled, looking over at Brian, who was following my side of the conversation closely. "So what happened?"

"Well, it put a damper on the evening, that's for sure."

"Sorry, Kev."

"Don't worry about it. We're not fighting or anything, but we pretty much decided to put things on hold for a while so that we can both figure out what we want to do. I mean, I'd like to stay with Carrie and see where things go, but if she can't handle that, given what's happening, I'll understand."

"I'm sure you will, Kev. And you getting back together with Kathy isn't an option?"

"No, I don't think so. Nothing has really changed to make it easier to be together. I mean, if anything, it'd be harder for her to have the baby and still not have me around. It's going to be hard enough without us being together, too."

I had to concede that point to him. At least, if they weren't romantically involved, the hole Kevin would leave in her life wouldn't be quite as large.

It would still be there, and would still be noticable, but not as big as it could be. That was something, I supposed. I was about to speak again when Nick and Erron came into the room, cautiously looking at me so see if they were intruding.

"Kev?"

"Yeah?"

"Nicky's here. You wanna talk to him?"

"Guess I should, yeah," he laughed. "He's probably wondering what's going on."

I glanced to Nick's smile. "He is."

"Okay. Put him on, then. I guess I'll see you in a couple of days, huh?"

"Sure will. Not sure how long I'll be sticking around, but I'll be coming back with Brian."

"You finally getting sick of him?"

I laughed both at the comment from Kevin and at the surprise on Brian's face. "No, I'm not getting sick of him. But I'm starting to miss Andy. I might take a week or so and spend a bit of time with her, and Mom and Dad."

"Must be nice to just run around the country like that."

"Two countries," I corrected him. "And it is. Very nice indeed. Okay, Kev, I'll put Nick on, then."

"Thanks, Nate. And thanks for letting me tell them."

"No problem. I'm good at secrets." Kevin laughed with me. "Okay, Kev, I'll talk to you later. And congratulations, eh?" I said the last in a quiet tone, so Nick couldn't hear me.

"Thanks."

I waved Nick over from the other couch and handed him the phone with a smile, then grabbed Brian's hand and pulled him off the couch. "Get your shoes on, cutie. We're going for a walk."

"We are?"

"So you're going back to LA?"

We were walking along the trail, hand in hand. The cabin was about half a mile behind us, and we had been virtually silent the entire time. I thought I knew where his mind was but had to wonder when he finally did speak and that was his question.

"I'm thinking about it, yeah."

"And when was I going to find out?"

I smiled at him and leaned in to kiss his cheek. "I hadn't made up my mind yet. But the more I think about it, the more I like the idea. I miss them."

"I wish I could go with you."

I squeezed his hand. "I know you do, and I do, too, but you'll be busy turning on little girls."

He laughed and stepped toward me to nudge me. "Don't forget all those cute gay boys in the crowd. Maybe they can help me with my loneliness while you're gone."

"You could ask Nick."

"Ew!"

I grinned and arched my eyebrow. "You might like it."

"I don't like even the thought of it, sweetie." He nudged me again, pushing me toward the trees lining the path. "Did he ask you to take me on a walk?"

"Nope, it was Erron. Why?"

"The other day, when we did this trail and left you at the cabin, I told him I'd like to do this with you if we got the time. Just thought he might have set us up."

"Hmm."

"What?"

"Just thinking that you might be right, is all. Erron was in our room when I got back from showering. He told me he had something to talk with Nick about and asked if I would take you on the trail so that they could be alone. Wouldn't tell me what it was he wanted to talk about, though."

"So Nick might have asked Erron to ask you."

"Maybe, yeah. They're supposed to meet us later up on the cliff."

"They're probably back there, thinking about how they fooled you and being very pleased with themselves, you know."

I shook my head with a laugh. "I think they were planning on doing that, but I'd bet that Kevin just threw a huge monkeywrench into the plan."

Brian grinned and pulled me to a stop. "You know what, Mr. Healy?" He put his hands on my hips and pulled me against him, resting his forehead against mine.

"What's that, Mr. Littrell?"

"I think I love you," he whispered, then kissed me.

We emerged from the trees and found ourselves looking out at the mass of unmolested land below. I smiled, seeing the small lake nestled in the trees. "As much as I'm a city boy, I love this place." There was movement on the deck of the cabin, and my smile grew, knowing that Nick and Erron hadn't left yet, so we weren't going to have any interruptions for a while.

"Just how much of a city boy are you? Did you get to the country at all as a kid?"

"Sure. We used to sort of vacation."

"Sort of?"

"Mother would talk and talk until Father finally gave in and took a couple of days off. Never as long as a week, no matter how much the two of us tried to convince him."

"And you came to the country?"

"Sort of."

"There's that expression again."

I smiled and hugged him tighter to me. "Never to the actual country. I mean, we never required a tent or anything. Father had to have access to the phone and all of his business stuff. He didn't vacation so much as slow down to a normal schedule instead of his regular one."

"So you just moved locations, and things stayed the same?"

"Sort of."

"Grrr."

I laughed. "Sorry. Um, yeah, that's how it went, I guess. Nana and Papa used to come with us. In fact, we stopped going on trips when they died. Without the two of them to help entertain us in Father's absence, and with me pulling away shortly after, it just didn't seem like much fun, I guess."

"Don't take this the wrong way, sweetie, but it doesn't sound like much fun anyway."

"Oh, it was, though. Mother and Nana and Papa and I used to go out for day trips. Father generally just stayed at the hotel, but we had a lot of fun."

"So you've never really been camping?"

"Sure I have. Andy, Erron and I went in university. Tents, beaners and weins, the whole deal."

"Beaners and weins?"

"Sorry. That's Erron speaking."

"Like I couldn't tell."

"He's... different, eh?"

"Definitely different," Brian agreed, then pointed. "Is that him or Nick?"

I looked. It was hard to tell, but it looked like someone was running laps around the deck. "Must be Nicky," I laughed. "Erron wouldn't expel that much energy without there being some very definite returns on the investment."

"Well if we see anything like that, I'm yelling."

"Me too."

He was quiet for a minute, and then he sighed gently. "It's beautiful," he said quietly, then started walking for the edge of the rocks while I followed along behind him. As always seemed to happen when I was up high, there was a little voice in my head, urging me to just step off. Not in any desire to actually do so - far from it - but more out of mischief than anything. I had heard that the same sort of thoughts passed through people's minds if they stood very close to a passing train, though I had not personally experienced that one.

Putting my arms around his waist, I kissed his shoulder. "Isn't this where I say something really cheesy like 'so are you'?"

He laughed and put his head back, resting it against my shoulder. "I'll let you get away without it this time. But don't let it happen again."

"Maximum cheese. Got it." I raised my hands, unbuttoning his shirt as I went.

"You know, I thought we were up here to commune with nature." He smiled back at me as he dropped his shoulders and let the shirt fall off of him.

I dropped it behind us and laughed. "You do it your way; I'll do it mine."

"That's all well and good, but it appears you're planning on including me in your way."

"Well, I could do it myself, but it's more fun with you there."

"Would I get to watch?"

"Not a chance, pookie," I whispered, kissing him just below the ear. "If you're not playing, you're not seeing a thing."

"Come here," he smiled, pulling away from me and taking my hand.

"Where are we going?"

"Someplace a little more comfortable." He arched his eyebrow and indicated the rock ledge we were standing on. "Unless you'd rather..."

"Have my back all scraped to hell? I think not." I followed behind him as he led me back over to the treeline. We found a spot that still allowed us a wonderful view, but also allowed some comfort. I pulled him to a stop long enough for me to sit down with my back against the tree, then tugged on his hand to get him to sit in front of me.

"See? Isn't this better?" he asked as he fell back against me.

"Definitely." I put my arms back around him and settled against the tree. "So, do you want to talk about it?"

"About what?"

I knew he knew what I was talking about. "Uncle Brian?"

"Cousin Brian."

"You'll be Uncle Brian, just like Nick will be Uncle Nick."

"And you'll get to be Uncle Nate."

"I don't know if the title is transferrable to the secret gay lover of the cousin of the father, pookie," I laughed.

Brian grinned and slid away from me a little further, so that his head fell back on my stomach. That way he could look up at me. "It will be."

"It's going to change a lot of stuff."

He sighed and nodded. "Just about everything, probably."

"Kids have a tendency to do that."

"Management will likely want him to keep it out of the papers if he can."

"Can he?"

"I don't know. I guess he could, but I don't think he's going to want to. I mean, with him and Kathy not being together, they could keep it quiet, probably. But Kev's not exactly the kind of guy who's going to want to see his kid in secret. He's going to want to do all of those dad things, as much as he can."

"And people are definitely going to notice a Backstreet Boy pushing a baby carriage."

"Yeah."

"Well, then he'll just tell them that. I mean, it's not like they can really stop him from telling people. If it came right down to it, he could just blurt it out in a live interview or something. No much they can argue with there."

Brian remained quiet.

"What is it?"

"Just thinking."

"And you were just thinking about?"

"Kevin and us."

"I thought you weren't into that."

That finally got him to laugh, and he elbowed me. "Shut up."

"Then tell me."

"I was just thinking that now Kevin's got a secret and we've got a secret."

"Think he'd trade with us?" I laughed until he didn't.

"Don't."

"Sorry."

"It's just like you said, though. He can tell people. Management won't like it, just like they wouldn't want us telling, but he can."

"Technically, we can."

"I can't, sweetie. I love you, and I love us, but I can't do that. Not now."

"It's okay, Brian."

"No, it's not okay. It'd be okay, if I knew when I was going to be able to, but I don't."

"Brian."

"NO." He said it with a peculiar vehemence. More disgust than anger. "Don't tell me it's okay, or that it's going ot be okay, because it won't be okay until I can tell people about us." He turned and looked me in the eye.

"Why can't I tell people?"

"Because you're not ready." It was the simplest answer, but the most honest.

"Why not?"

I turned him again and pulled him against me. "If you could answer that, you'd be a god to a lot of people, Brian. Everyone's ready at different times. Remember I told you I was going to come out to my parents the night they were killed? I probably wouldn't have. I wasn't ready, and I would have realised that."

"Yeah, but..."

"Shh. Erron came out to a lot of people early, but he didn't tell his mom until just a few years ago. She already knew, but he wasn't ready. And look at how long it took Nick just to be ready to admit that there was a possibility that he might be into guys.

"It's the same with you, pookie. You were ready to admit it when you told the guys, but that only means you were ready to admit it to them, not to everyone. You were catapulted into telling your parents before you were ready - and don't think I don't realise that that was because of me - and that scared you. Understandably, but it did scare you. Coming out to everyone on the planet, which is about what you're going to eventually do, is a big thing."

"But I wish..."

"I wish you could, too, but you can't. You just can't right now, Brian. Don't beat yourself up for that."

But if he could. I shut my mind off of that particular track and rerouted it to making sure that Brian was okay. He wasn't ready. And, honestly, I didn't know if he would be ready, even if he was just some guy, and not Brian Littrell. There was a particular mindset that came with being out, and I didn't sense much of it in Brian yet.

Of course, that had a lot to do with the prospect of having his coming out spread across headlines and tabloids, but that wasn't entirely it. He had taken some major steps in a relatively short period of time, and I thought that there was a good possibility that he had finally run up against the wall again. Until he managed to get that wall to give him more room, he wasn't moving further with this.

Was it my job to help him move it, though? Maybe. In a roundabout way. But certainly not by pushing him through it, and certainly not by encouraging him to push himself through it. If anything, it was my job to help cushion the blow when he occasionally ran into it, and to try and keep him from doing so in the first place.

Brian sighed heavily and actually seemed to shrink in my arms. I kissed the top of his head, tightened my hold on him, and let him be quiet.

PART 116

"I certainly hope they're dressed!" Nick yelled.

I smiled and turned my face into Brian's neck. "Smartass." We had barely spoken since he had fallen quiet, and there was a part of me that resented the intrusion, no matter how comical it was.

"Sometimes I could kill that boy."

"We could give him what he wants," I suggested with a smile.

Brian chuckled. "What did you have in mind?"

"Stand up."

"What?"

"Stand up! Hurry." I nudged him to get him moving, and stood up with him.

"Now, come here."

"Sweetie?"

I grabbed him and turned him so his back was toward the tree. "Work with me here, would you?" Grabbing him underneath his arms, I lifted him and pushed him back. He gave me a little hop to help, and then I had him held up against the tree, and was pressing my lips to his. I heard Nick and Erron crashing through the underbrush just as I felt Brian's legs close around my waist and his arms encircle my shoulders, letting me hold him there as he kissed me back.

"I say if they're not dressed, we join them," Erron said loudly.

"I say if they're not dressed, you join them, and I'll take pictures," Nick added.

"You alright?" I panted, pulling my mouth away for a moment.

"Yeah, but this bark is digging into my back. Where are they?"

Leaning back in, I tried to grab at his lip with my teeth, then felt him lean forward and into the kiss once more. A couple of seconds later, they found us.

"Guys! You're still not done? You need to work on speeding things up," Nick laughed.

"Maybe they're already on the second or third go," Erron suggested. His words were almost immediately followed by flashes.

"That better not be my camera," I said, barely breaking the kiss.

"Oh! He does know that we're here."

"Hard to miss your stink," Brian commented, shifting between me and the tree. I took half a step backward and set him back down on his feet.

"A skunk always smells his own stink first," Erron smiled as I turned around to look at them. "So which is it? You two need to hurry up, or slow down?"

"We do just fine," Brian laughed, slipping his hand into my back pocket. "And sometimes, just fine is just sitting," he whispered so only I could hear, kissing my cheek and making me smile.

"Our bedrooms aren't that far apart, Brian. We know how well you do."

I rolled my eyes at Nick and started walking for the edge of the cliff again. "You're way too interested in our sex life, Nicky. I'm going to have to start checking the room to make sure you don't start hiding cameras."

"Got enough of an eyeful the other night, thanks," he returned, following along behind us.

"I knew I should have volunteered to get the wine."

"Wish you had," Nick said, nudging Erron. "I see therapy in my future."

"I've seen that since we met," I grinned, bending over to pick up Brian's shirt, which had snagged on a small outcropping of rock. Had that not stopped it, it likely would have blown right off the cliff. Rather than give it back to him, I tied it around my waist and put my arm around him.

"I don't know why I bother talking with you," Nick laughed.

"Then maybe you should stop," Brian suggested, glancing back at him.

"And let you have him all to yourself?"

"He's already got me. Now both of you shut up." I pinched Brian and smiled at Nick.

"You're cranky when you're interrupted." Erron smiled over at me, and then sat down. "You guys okay with hanging out here for a while, or do you want to get back to the cabin?"

"I vote to stay," Nick said, sitting down beside Erron.

"Surprise surprise. We'll stay, too. The view's better than from the cabin, and if we go back, he's liable to sit himself in front of the computer."

"Especially after I tell him that Kevin said Carrie had sent him an email about the book."

I smiled from Nick to Brian. "Good call, sweetie." Taking his hand, I pulled him down, then sat in front of him, between his legs, reversing the position we had been in at the tree.

"Not all night, though, okay?"

"Alright, sweetie."

"I'll drive home tomorrow, if you want," Erron offered. "You can get some work done then."

"And all week when you're with Andy," Brian chuckled. "I'm sure she'd appreciate that."

"You're going to see Andy?" Nick asked, looking over at me. "I didn't know that."

"Haven't decided yet, but I think so. I'll hang out with you guys for awhile, then take off for LA for a bit. We'll work out the details later."

"Lucky bitch. Make her come to Toronto so the rest of us can see her, too." Erron picked up a rock and threw it over the edge.

"You know, maybe if you were nicer, she'd want to visit you, and wouldn't have to be forced into it," I told him.

"Well with you running down to see her all the time, you make us look bad."

"You are bad," I laughed. "And I can't help it. Mom and Dad are down there, too. I'm not about to wait until the three of them clear their schedules together to clear up time to visit. Could take months."

"Trust fund babies make me sick," Erron grinned. "You should have to have a job that ties you down."

"I have a boyfriend for that."

Brian hit me. "You won't let me tie you down."

"So it's not just me, then."

Brian gaped at Erron's comment, and I blushed. "He told me you two..."

"We didn't," Erron laughed. "But it came up. He's got an unhealthy aversion to it."

"I know."

"Could be fun," Nick chimed in with a smirk.

"That's what I like to hear." Erron put his arm around Nick's shoulder and smiled.

"Ahem," I said, getting their attention again. "I meant that when I'm with the guys, I'm as tied down as you are. My keeper's just more understanding than yours is."

"So I'm your keeper?"

"Sure."

"Mmm. 'Kay." Be bent forward slightly and started to kiss my neck, gradually making his way up behind my ear.

"Break it up! You guys had lots of time for that already." Nick's words were followed by our being pelted with a handful of pebbles.

"If I wasn't so comfortable, Nicky," I said, looking over at him. "You'd be going over the edge."

"The fans would tear you apart."

"Only if they found your body and could prove I did it."

"I'd never tell," Brian put in. "We'd just have to replace you."

"Can't be done," Erron smiled.

"Awww." Nick practically glowed, and I had to laugh.

"Depends. Erron, can you sing?"

"I'm listening."

Nick laughed and punched Erron. After the punch, his hand sort of lingered on Erron's shoulder, then fell to his knee. I noticed the smile on Erron's face expand. Neither of them said anything, and Brian had gone back to my neck, so I decided to remain silent as well.

"Bri?" Nick said a couple of minutes later.

"Hmm?"

"What are we going to do about Kevin?"

Brian's mouth stopped moving, and I felt his breath rush across my skin as he exhaled. "I don't know, Nick."

"I just got thinking, talking about replacing people."

"We're not replacing him."

I heard the uncertainty in his voice, and put my hand on his leg. I hadn't even thought about Kevin not staying with the group. It just didn't seem possible.

"Well, I didn't mean that we'd kick him out or anything," Nick said quickly.

"Good."

"But what if he decides to go?"

"He won't."

Nick glanced at me, but I wasn't getting involved. I got the feeling that Erron and I were just spectators in this one. This was group business, without three of the group, and we had no place in it.

"Brian..."

"Look, he and Kathy aren't going to be together, and he'll trust her with the baby, so there's no huge need for him to give everything up and be there full-time."

"But he'll want to."

"Just like I want to be with Nate full time, but that's not going to happen."

"He's on tour with us."

"But he won't be forever. He can't be."

"Yeah, but that's because you have to keep the two of you..."

I winced slightly, and I knew his mouth had gotten ahead of his brain.

"Secret," Brian answered. "Yeah, I know. But Kathy won't want him to do it, either. She'd feel guilty about it, and he wouldn't want that. He's not going to leave the group."

"But he could. Kids change things."

"I think I know him well enough to know he won't, Nick."

Brian might as well have told Nick to drop it, because his tone conveyed it quite clearly. One glance at Nick told me he had caught it as well, and that he wasn't going to push it. We all knew there would be plenty of time to talk it through once everyone was back in the same room together. And Kevin would have months to make up his mind about all of this, with input from everyone involved and everyone he chose to involve.

"Maybe we should head back," Erron suggested. He said it loudly enough for everyone to hear, but he was speaking directly to Nick.

Nick looked from me to Brian before answering. Brian's face was practically buried in my shoulder, and he didn't look up. I nodded slighty to Nick to let him know that I was ready, and he stood up, grabbing Erron's hand to help him to his feet as well.

"Come on," I whispered, turning and standing in one movement, and pulling him up with me. "We can talk about all of this stuff later, when the people with some of the answers are around."

"'Kay," he answered nocomittally, putting his arm around me. "Sorry for being such a downer."

I smiled and kissed his cheek. "It's okay. I'm getting used to it."

Brian laughed and elbowed me, then grabbed his shirt and pulled it off of my waist. Slipping his arms into the sleeves, he took my hand and pulled me away from the edge and back to the trail.

"Your tattoo is fading, Brian," Erron pointed out with a grin, indicating Brian's stomach.

It had really faded over the course of the week. It was still legible, but that would likely only be the case for another day or two. It would be entirely gone before there was any chance of his being seen by a fan with his shirt off.

I pushed Erron. "You keep your eyes off of his body."

"Well, with him showing it off like that, it's like he's advertising for people to look him over." To prove his point, Erron deliberately looked Brian from head to toe. Brian helped him out by holding his shirt open.

"Showoff," I complained, grabbing the shirt and buttoning some of the buttons to hold it closed. "Let's go before I decide to take Nicky home and leave you two up here."

"They could tie each other up," Nick suggested, grabbing my hand and pulling me down the trail with a smile. "We'll have to come up with other fun stuff."

"Sounds good." I set off with him, leaving Brian and Erron behind, grinning at us.

We were almost to the first bend in the trail when Brian landed on my back and Erron landed on Nick's. Nick laughed and let go of me, taking Erron's hand as he slid off of Nick's back. I grabbed Brian's legs and held him on my back, carrying him along beside Nick and Erron. Brian threw his arms around my neck to hold on, and we made our way back down to the cabin.

I put Brian back on his feet a few minutes later, knowing that if I carried him any further I was liable to drop him. He kissed my shoulder and took my hand, but made no offer to carry me. Probably for the best, since we had reached the part of the trail that cut sharply down the hill, and he would likely have dropped me halfway down.

The trail down from the cliff met the trail up to it about two hundered metres from the cabin, and when we finally emerged from the trees, Nick started sprinting for the stairs to the deck, calling dibs on one of the showers.

"You take the other one, sweetie," Brian said with a smile. "That way, you can start dinner while we're getting cleaned up."

"You're so thoughtful," I returned, rolling my eyes. "And what do we want tonight?"

"Steak and potatoes. No corn."

Laughing, I agreed with Erron and we started up the steps. "You wanna join me?" I asked Brian, smiling at the door, which Nick had left open after his charge inside.

"Um, actually, there's something I want to do first."

"Okay," I agreed. "You alright?"

"Yeah. I'll meet you in the shower, sweetie."

"Alright." I gave him a kiss and headed upstairs.

"Hey." I was drying my hair with one towel, another one wrapped around my waist as I entered the bedroom. Brian was grabbing a pair of boxers out of the dresser.

"Hey. I was just on my way."

"So, what did you have to do that was more important than scrubbing my back?"

Brian smiled and came over, putting his arms around me and running his hands over my back. "Nothing's more important than that."

"I can think of a few things."

Brian laughed. "Okay, some stuff is."

"But not this?"

"I just wanted to make a phone call."

"How's Kevin?"

"Fine," he answered with a smile, pushing me onto the bed. "He says 'hi' again."

"And?"

"And he won't be leaving."

"I knew you weren't quite as sure of that as you let on."

"He said we'll all have to sit down and talk about it when we get back together, but he's not leaving."

"Good. So until then, there's not much for you to worry about, then. You'll decide how to handle it as a group."

"He wants you there."

"Why me?"

"He said you see things."

"I see things?"

Brian smiled. "Not like a crystal ball kind of thing. He said you'll be more objective than any of us."

"That's probably true. You're all a bunch of yahoos."

He punched me in the stomach and stood back up. "Shut up and go make me something to eat."

"Just you, or do the others get fed, too?"

"Your choice, sweetie. I'll be down as soon as I get cleaned up."

I smiled, watching him head out into the hall, then stood up and pulled on some boxers and a pair of shorts, then grabbed my computer and started downstairs. Erron was sitting watching TV when I got to the living room, and he smiled up at me.

"That boy takes the longest showers ever."

I grinned. "He's likely working out a little tension. You've got him wound up."

"I don't know what you're talking about," Erron smirked. "Maybe he just got really sweaty doing the trail."

"Maybe," I conceded, arching my eyebrow as I sat on the back of the couch, leaning over him. "You could always go in and see for yourself."

Erron laughed and shook his head, muting the TV. "He'd have a heart attack if I stepped foot in there with him. He's nowhere near that point yet." I smiled at the concern Erron had on his face, and then he ruined it. "He's even more virginal than you were when we hooked up."

I rolled my eyes. "We didn't hook up, buttmunch. We dated for a while, and then I kicked your ass to the curb."

"I recall it being a mutual curb-kicking."

"Whatever."

"Well, aren't you two cozy?" Nick asked, walking through from the hallway toward the stairs. He was carrying his clothes with him, a towel wrapped around himself. "I'm telling Brian."

I smiled at him. "You do that."

"I will. But since I'm assuming he's in the shower instead of chaperoning you two loverbirds, I think I'll wait until he puts some clothes on."

"Speaking of showers," Erron put in, "you certainly took your time. Didn't realise there was so much of you to wash, Nick."

I smiled at the blush that covered Nick, then patted Erron's shoulder and stood up. "You take it easy on him. I'm going to go and start dinner."

"No corn," he reminded me, also standing and starting for the bathroom. Nick continued toward the stairs, still red.

"I heard you the first time." I picked up my computer and made my way into the kitchen, setting it down on the island and going straight to the fridge to get things started. I'd have plenty of time to check my email from Carrie while it cooked.

Or so I thought. As soon as I had everything going, I started up the computer and logged on to my email. There was just the one new message, and I clicked on it. I had been half-expecting it to be about Kevin and Kathy, but there wasn't even a mention of it. I had to wonder if there was anyone that Carrie felt comfortable with enough to talk about it. She wouldn't likely have told her friends about Kevin, and even if she had, she certainly couldn't tell them that he was going to be a father. Not until he had decided how he wanted the word to get out, or if he wanted the word to get out.

I quickly read through the few thoughts she had sent about the story, still wondering if she was really okay. The notes she had sent weren't too terribly pressing, but were certainly welcome. After reading through them, I sent back a reply so that she would know that I had done so. I thought for a moment before pressing the send button, and added a short note at the bottom letting her know that she could talk to me if she felt the need.

With that sent, I looked over my inbox. The six emails from Brad were still there, waiting to be read. I had written him a short note letting him know that I would get to them, and get back to him with my thoughts, but I hadn't yet read any of them. Rather than do some work, since it was close to dinner time, and was our last night at the cabin, I decided to start one of his pieces.

Judging from the size of the files, there would be enough to keep me occupied on the ride home the next day as well. That meant that I could get it done without totally zoning out in the car. I didn't get nearly as distracted reading as I did writing, so I wouldn't be ignoring the others. Happy with that arrangement, I jumped up on the island and started going over the first bit of writing Brad had sent.

PART 117

"You're not burning anything, are you?"

"No," I smiled, looking up from the computer.

Brian seemed taken aback that I had answered him. "What are you doing actually listening when people walk in the door?"

Moving the computer from my lap to the counter, I dropped back to my feet. "I wasn't working. I was reading some of the stuff that Brad sent me when we were in Memphis. I probably should have gotten to it by now, but I was sort of busy."

Brian smiled and put his arms around my waist. "I'm sure he'll just be happy to hear back from you, and won't mind having to wait a few days. It's only been about a week since you got them."

"I know, but I don't want him thinking I forgot about him."

"Then send him a note and let him know that you haven't."

"It just so happens that I have a better plan," I said smugly, kissing his forehead and moving to the stove to check on things.

"And what would that be, smartypants?"

"I'm going to read some of it tonight, and finish it up on the ride back tomorrow. Then I'll email him about it tomorrow night, and get back to the book on the flight the next day, when Nick's there to keep you entertained."

"Well, you've got it all planned out, don't you."

"Yes, sir, I do."

"What if something goes wrong?"

"What could possibly go wrong with such a well-laid plan?" I smirked.

"I could distract you tonight. Or on the way home tomorrow. Or tomorrow night. Or on the plane."

"On the plane?"

"Kevin won't be there. Nicky will look the other way if we both have to use the washroom at the same time."

I laughed and shook my head. "I don't think he would. He knows he'd be dead if we got caught."

"So we wouldn't get caught." Brian put his arms around me from behind. "It'd be fun."

"It's always fun."

"We could make it funner."

I smiled. "Nice grammar, pookie."

"It's not my grammar you should be noticing, sweetie," Brian whispered directly into my ear, as he pressed himself against me. "Aren't there other things that catch your attention?"

"Well, your cheekbones are nice, too."

He laughed and released me. "Gee, thanks."

"Anytime," I told him with a smile. Turning, I handed him a stack of plates. "Why don't you go set the table, and see if the other two are just about ready to eat. This won't take much longer. I'll finish up with what I'm reading, and then take everything off the stove. Deal?"

"You going to make it worth my while?"

"Absolutely. I figure it should take you, what? Say, five minutes. I think I can give you that much time later. Hell, I'll double it. You've got ten minutes of my time coming to you later."

"You going to be watching the clock?" He traced his finger down my bare chest.

"Unless you give me something else to concentrate on."

"I'm sure something will come up."

I took his hand, kissed it, and then kissed him. "I'm sure it will. Now, get your ass out there and set the table."

Once dinner was over with, I took my accustomed place in front of the fireplace and got back to reading. I managed to finish the first piece and get well into the second before Brian dropped onto the cushions beside me.

"Just a sec," I muttered, holding up a finger toward him. His mouth immediately descended on my hand, engulfing the finger. Smiling, I quickly finished the paragraph, marked my place by entering a series of stars that I could search for when I came back to reading, then closed the file and the program.

Brian's eyes gleamed when I looked up at him, and he saw that I was done. He released my finger and kissed his way up my arm to my shoulder, at which point he pushed me back on the couch, leaving the computer running on the coffee table.

"Come on, you two," Erron said with a laugh, tapping Brian on the shoulder.

"Can we get through one night without seeing you two making out?"

"Or worse," Nick added, sitting down in one chair while Erron sat in the other. He smiled and added a shudder, seemingly disgusted with the images that came to mind.

"Both of you can go f-"

Brian jumped and put his hand over my mouth as he grinned. "See what you did? You were going to make him swear."

Erron glanced at me, and the hand covering my mouth, then looked quickly to Nick. "Quick, Nick, while he's silenced. What are we going to do tonight? Any games you can think of?"

Nick thought for about two seconds before he caught on, then he smiled directly at me. "I vote for 'Truth or Dare'."

I shook my head, but Brian laughed and kept his hand where it was, so I couldn't object.

"I second that," Erron said, "and since Nate's vote is silenced, Brian's doesn't matter. Majority wins."

I called him a bitch against Brian's hand. It wasn't at all clear, but I'm sure Erron got the sentiment behind it, if not the word itself. Brian kissed my cheek and removed his hand finally. "You suck."

"Who here doesn't?" Erron said, then took a quick look at Nick. "Or won't eventually?"

Nick blushed. "We don't have to play, Nate."

"No, I guess it's alright. Not like you guys don't already know most of my truths."

"Then you'll have to pick dares, sweetie."

Erron chuckled. "I can think of a few interesting ones for him, Brian. But they're sort of two person dares, and none of them involve you."

"Go with truth, sweetie," Brian amended immediately.

"Ooh, I think I'm going to like this after all," I smiled.

"You ever miss him?" Nick asked me, indicating Erron. We had already been through a round, and so far, I had been mooned by Erron (at Brian's request), discovered that Nick had a birthmark on the inside of one thigh (my question) and that Brian had once wet the bed during the beginning of their first tour as a group (Erron's question, after a short consultation with Nick - the boy was a treasure trove of embarrassing Brian knowledge).

"Eh?"

"Erron. You know, did you ever think maybe you shouldn't have ended things? Before you met Brian, I mean."

I glanced at Brian, and saw that he was interested in the answer, too. "Sometimes," I admitted, sitting back on the couch. "But I don't think it would have lasted. We could have had a lot of really great times together. And we would have been in love, I guess. But I don't think I would have been happy being with you like that for the rest of my life. I don't think you would have been either, would you?" I directed at Erron.

"No, probably not. But it would have been fun while it lasted."

I laughed and nodded, resting my hand on my knee as I pulled my leg under me. "It definitely would have been. But, I think I'd gladly trade that little bit more happiness for the friendship to last, you know? I'll know you until one of us dies, Erron. I just will. I wouldn't want something messing that up, no matter how good it was, if it was only going to last for a few years."

"Neither would I. But I have to wonder sometimes. Sometimes when you're looking at Brian, I see a little bit of the look you used to give me. You just about drove me insane, you know."

This was interesting. Erron and I hadn't really talked about this kind of thing since we'd decided it was best to break up and remain friends. I smiled at Brian, taking his hand, and then looked back to Erron. "What?"

"With those looks. You'd be across the room or something, and look at me, and just about kill me. It was like you were teasing me, since we both knew nothing was going to happen, but you didn't even know you were doing it."

"I didn't. Didn't have a clue. I wasn't trying to tease you."

Erron smiled and leaned over to kiss my cheek. "I know you weren't. I said you didn't know you were doing it. But you were always so expressive, even just standing there."

I blushed, and he laughed.

"I know those looks," Brian added, running his hand over my leg.

I remembered Mom telling me when she first found out about my relationship with Brian that I needed to work on not blushing when his name was mentioned. Apparently that wasn't the only thing that I needed to work on.

"I'm glad we had what we did. You were good for me," Erron said finally.

"I was good for you?" I asked incredulously. "Do you have any idea how good you were for me? And good to me, too?"

"I never did anything."

"That's part of what you did right, sweetie," I told him. "I wasn't at a point where I wanted you to do any more than you did."

"But we didn't do anything."

"You really have no idea, do you?"

"About?"

"About how great it was for me to just fall asleep with you, and wake up with you?"

"I could have improved that experience a thousand-fold, you know."

I smiled, kissing Brian's hand. "I'm being serious. I'd been lonely for so long, I didn't know there was something else. Not something like that, anyway."

"Well," Nick said, looking around at us all, "that was a little more than the yes or no I was going for, but it answered the question. Brian's turn."

Brian immediately looked at me. "Truth or dare, sweetie?"

"Dare, I guess," I smiled. "Just keep in mind who you're going to be sleeping beside tonight, and how defenseless you'll be."

"Well, I guess we should maybe lighten the mood a bit, huh?"

I had a feeling that hearing about Erron and me being together had been a little heavier for Brian than it had on any of the rest of us, but I nodded.

"Sounds good. What do you want me to do?"

"Loaded question, sweetie," Brian laughed. "Um, I want... I want you to write something for me."

"We don't have all night, Bri," Nick smiled.

"Nothing long and fancy," Brian amended, running a hand down my arm. "How about a poem?"

I arched my eyebrow. "A poem? About what?"

"Whatever," he answered, waving his hand in the air.

"Ah, a poem about whatever."

Brian rolled his eyes and looked around the room. After a moment, he pointed out onto the deck. There was a bird sitting on the corner of the railing. "A bird. Write me a poem about a bird."

"A bird?"

"Yup."

"Any bird?"

"Whatever your little heart desires."

"How long do I get?"

"Umm..."

Nick stood up. "I'm thinking popcorn. You better be ready by the time I get back."

I relaxed against the back of the couch, watching the bird on the deck as it hopped along the railing, pecking intermittently at a sliver of wood. I had just started to put a few thoughts together when Brian leaned in and started blowing in my ear.

"You know, that makes it hard to concentrate."

Brian laughed and backed up. "I didn't say it had to be a good poem. Who needs to concentrate?"

"Erron? Li'l help?"

Erron grinned and leaned forward, Grabbing Brian's foot off of the edge of the coffee table, Erron yanked him right off the couch and onto the floor. Brian sat laughing and rubbing my leg until I pulled it away and tucked it under me on the couch. Turning my attention back to the deck, I started to compose. By the time Nick joined us again, I was chuckling to myself.

"You ready, writer-boy?" Nick asked, setting a bowl in the middle of the coffee table.

"I guess so," I answered, leaning forward to get a handful of popcorn.

"Let's hear it, then."

"Okay, ladies and..." I looked around at the three of them, "ladies. An original poem by Nathaniel James Healy. I call it 'Bird Poem'."

"Hope you were more creative with the poem than you were with the title," Erron smiled.

"If you'll shut up, we'll see," I returned. All three of them gave me their attention and their smiles. "Now, 'Bird Poem'.

"See the bird, up in the tree,

Singing from his heart.

What a precious thing to see,

Though it isn't very smart.

Calling to his enemies,

Before his song is done.

Bringing danger from the trees,

And the hunter's gun.

See the bird, upon the ground,

His song is heard no more.

Not a peep. Not a sound.

He's just a pile of gore.

With hunting season on the go,

And his not flying south,

You'd think the stupid bird would know,

To shut his freakin' mouth."

Brian jumped up onto the couch again and started to clap while Nick and Erron laughed. "Not bad," Erron conceded. "A little twisted, but not bad. Good enough to win you your turn."

"Okay, Erron, truth or dare?"

"Let's see what you can come up with. Dare."

I thought for a moment. "Okay, I showed you mine already this week, so I think you should show us yours."

"Excuse me?" Brian asked, looking from me to Erron and back again.

"Scars, sweetie," I laughed, patting his leg. "Erron finally got to see mine, so I think it's fair that we get to see all of his. All of them."

"This could be fun," Nick grinned, relaxing and looking Erron over.

Erron sighed and stood up, lifting his shirt and pointing. He knew he was caught, and he wasn't a particularly shy person to start with. "This is the biggest, I guess. Appendix." He dropped his shirt again and pointed to his elbow. "I got this one when I was a kid. Caught my arm in the washing machine."

"How in the hell do you catch your arm in a washing machine?" Nick asked, grabbing his arm and looking at the crescent-shaped scar. "Why was your arm in the washing machine?"

"I got a new watch that was supposed to be waterproof."

Brian and Nick both groaned and started to laugh at Erron. I was laughing along, though I had already heard the story. Erron and I had had lots of time to talk about such things when we were together, and after we broke up.

There came a point in friendships and relationships where you just had to learn about all the stupid things your friends had done.

Erron showed us a few other scars, thought they didn't really have interesting stories attached to them. A couple of scars from when he had had the chicken pox, and one on his knee from falling off of his bike when he was a kid. After showing us the scar on the crown of his head that he had received from falling out of the bunkbeds at his grandmothers house, he started to sit down.

"Um, sweetie? There's one more, isn't there?" I asked, trying to keep a straight face.

He frowned at me as he ran through his mental index of scars. "No, I don't think so." I started to laugh. "What are you thinking of?" he asked, eyeing me cautiously.

I tried to hide the word 'circumcision' within a cough, while trying not to laugh. I failed miserably on all counts. Not only did everyone catch the word loud and clear, but I broke into laughter as soon as it was out of my mouth.

Brian's eyes widened, but more at the word than what I meant. Erron squinted at me for a second, then it clicked for him. "No way. There's no way."

I grinned at him. "You accepted the dare, sweetie. And the dare was to show us all of your scars."

"That doesn't count!"

"Oh, I believe it does."

"Fuck you," Erron smiled.

"Not going to happen," I returned.

"Neither is the peepshow, pervert."

I grabbed another handful of popcorn. "Hey, I don't want to see it any more than you want to show it, but a dare is a dare, and you accepted it."

"That doesn't count."

"I agree with Nate," Nick put in helpfully with a sly grin. "I think it counts."

"You would," Erron laughed, kicking him.

"I have to side with Nate and Nick on this one, Erron."

"Gee, Brian, there's a surprise. Just because Nate's disappointing doesn't mean that you get to see what I've got."

"He's not disappointing at all," Brian defended me, sliding over to lean on my shoulder. "But there's rules that have to be followed. It's a scar, and you have to show it."

"Come on!" Nick urged, laughing. "Just a quick flash!"

"That's about all I could stomach anyway, I think," I agreed. There was a little voice in the back of my mind telling me that the harder I pushed on this, the worse Erron was going to get me when it was his turn. I quickly decided to stick to truths with Erron. They were generally less hazardous.

Still glaring at me, Erron started unbuttoning his pants. Pushing them down to his knees, he grabbed the waistband of his boxers and, after taking a deep breath, flashed us. It was a very brief look, and I tried to refrain from checking him out, but I couldn't help myself. There was a part of me that had always been curious about what I had missed out on when we were together. That same part forced me to look.

As it turned out, Erron had nothing to be ashamed of.

Nick, however, looked like he was about to explode. His entire head was red with the blush, and I couldn't help but smile, wondering just what kind of thoughts were going through his head. Erron quickly pulled his pants back up and stood looking at me. "Sorry you passed up the opportunity now?"

I grinned and shook my head, then rested it on Brian's shoulder. "No complaints, sweetie."

"Good answer," Brian whispered, just before kissing my cheek.

"Okay," Erron announced, catching our attention again, and seemingly snapping Nick out of a daydream. "My turn."

"Who do you suppose he's going after?" Brian smiled, squeezing my shoulder.

"Only one choice, really," Erron grinned at me. "Truth or dare?"

Brian clamped a hand over my mouth and spoke for me. "He takes dare."

"Dare it is!" Erron laughed.

"No!" I protested as soon as Brian released me. "I didn't say dare."

"You just did," Erron insisted. "So dare it is. If you'll excuse me, I need to get something for the dare."

"I didn't say dare!"

"You keep saying it!" Nick laughed, putting his feet up and pulling the bowl of popcorn into his lap. "And I have a feeling that you're in trouble."

"Me too."

Erron came back a couple of seconds later with something behind his back. "I found this this afternoon while you two were off hiking." Bringing his hands back into view, he set an unopened bottle of vodka on the coffee table in front of me. "I'll have to buy Jeff and Cindy another one, but it's worth it. Now chug."

Brian looked around, then settled his gaze on Nick. We were much further into the game, and I was just pleasantly toasted, having gotten away with drinking only the equivalent of a couple of shots. Brian had come to my rescue, stating that he didn't want me feeling dead all day the next day, and Erron had finally relented.

Thankfully, the buzz had helped me to cope with all of the ice that was currently residing in my boxers. That one was my own fault, though. By the time the game had come around to Erron again, I had been wired enough to choose dare on my own. It had also managed to loosen me up enough to accept the kiss that Nick dared Erron to give me. Judging from the slight frown on Brian's face, I might have gotten too into that one, but he didn't seem really upset.

"Well, Nicky, since it was your idea to play," Brian said finally, "I think we'll pick on you for a while and let my boyfriend rest. Truth or dare?"

Nick smiled. "Truth."

"Alright." Brian said, relaxing while he thought. "How about... How about you tell us all whether or not you still have feelings for Nate?"

Nick blushed immediately and looked away while Brian and I laughed. Erron looked shocked as Nick turned his head back to look at me, then quickly at Brian. "Bitch."

"Come on, Nicky," I urged with a lopsided grin. "You gotta tell. Do you still find me incredibly sexy?"

"I never said I found you incredibly sexy," Nick laughed.

"Sexy enough to move in on him with me in the next room," Brian pointed out.

"Well, well, well." Erron turned in his seat to look at Nick. "This is interesting."

"You're dead, Brian," Nick threatened, then looked at me and sighed. "I still think you're attractive, yeah. Happy?"

"Sure," I smiled.

"Just don't be kissing him."

"Don't worry. It wasn't a very good kiss anyway."

"Hey!"

Nick grinned at me. "Gotta tell the truth, remember? Erron's a better kisser."

I smiled at Erron. "Maybe that's because he wanted to kiss you, rather than having you suddenly attach yourself to his lips."

"You wanted it," Nick laughed.

"Trust me, Nick," Brian said, putting his arm around me. "No one in their right mind would want it from you. And while he may not be in his right mind now, thanks to Erron, he was then."

I nodded stupidly.

"Enough of this," Nick said finally. "Nate, it's your turn."

I thought for a minute, and then smiled at Brian. "Truth or dare, sweetie?"

He eyed me for a moment, and then decided. "Dare. And keep in mind that I can get you back in the middle of the night, too."

"You keep in mind that I can keep you from getting me at all for a long time."

"Not in the shape you're in now. Just bring on the dare, tough guy."

I smiled. "Well, since Nicky's so interested in kissing, I think you should show him how it's done."

"No way!"

"Not going to happen, Nate," Nick said quickly.

"I think it's a great idea," Erron defended me. "Brian, you've got to do it. And Nick, it's your game. You can't start backing out now."

Brian and Nick shared a look, knowing that they were cornered. They could refuse to do it, but it would mean that Erron and I would start breaking rules too, and they knew it. "I can't believe you're making me do this," Brian said to me.

"I believe that, if you hadn't been covering my mouth, we might not be here in the first place and, again if not for you, I wouldn't have ice in my undies, so you can blame yourself," I returned, shifting in my seat.

Brian sighed. "Okay," he managed, then pointed at Nick. "But this means nothing."

"Less than nothing," Nick agreed.

Standing up, Brian waited for Nick to get up as well, then indicated his hands. "Hands behind your back, Nick. They didn't say I had to touch you."

Smiling, Nick put his hands behind his back and linked them as Brian did the same. I thought I saw a slight grimace on Brian's face as he craned his neck and pressed his lips to Nick's. Both immediately shut their eyes to block out the image, and I was positive they were both trying to pretend they were kissing someone else.

They sat there for a second with their lips touching, but that was all. "Tongue!" Erron shouted, laughing. "We need tongue!"

There was a low grumble. I wasn't sure if it came from Brian or Nick, but they finally managed to get into the kiss and give Erron what he was looking for. I had wondered what I would feel at seeing Brian kiss someone else, but once the dare entered my mind, I would never have forgiven myself if I had allowed the moment to pass. Seeing their obvious disinterest in kissing calmed what little disquiet I felt, though. There was no way Brian was enjoying himself.

When Erron and I finally allowed them to part, both immediately wiped at their mouths and started to laugh as they sat back down. Erron took a moment, debating between using his turn on me or Brian. He apparently decided to give me a break and turned his full attention on Brian. "Truth or dare?"

"He chooses dare," I said promptly. "Just like I did before."

"No I don't!"

"Dare it is," Erron agreed.

Brian sighed. "Not if you're going to make me kiss Nick again. I barely kept my dinner down that time."

"Oh yeah, like it was highlight of my day," Nick grumbled with a smile.

"No, you don't have to kiss Nick," Erron said, and Brian visibly relaxed. "You have to kiss me."

"No way."

"Look, I've kissed Nick and Nate before, and you've kissed Nick and Nate before, and they've both kissed everyone else already. You and I are the only combination left."

"And I think that's how it should stay," Brian smiled. "I like not knowing."

"I kinda like him not knowing, too," I added, though I knew he was going to do it. It wasn't a big deal, really, and Erron was a pretty good kisser.

Which was apparently on his mind, too. "Come on, Nick already told you I was better than Nate. Aren't you the least bit curious?"

Brian didn't answer, but looked at me. I shrugged with a grin. "Go ahead, sweetie. Like he said, you're the only one who hasn't yet. Just try not to fall hopelessly in love with him, eh? I'm kinda attached to you."

"No need to worry about that," Brian assured me, patting my knee. "Okay, Erron. Let's get this over with so I can go gargle the memories away."

"On your feet," Erron laughed, standing. As soon as Brian stood, Erron stepped close to him, wrapped his arms around Brian's waist, and kissed him.

It didn't start with anywhere close to the innosence that his kiss with Nick had, and it was clear that Erron had taken him by surprise. His eyes flew open as Erron turned and dipped him just like they did in the movies, and kept his lips pressed to Brian's.

When Erron finally saw fit to put Brian back on his feet and release him, he stood back with a grin. "See? No way Nate does that."

"No way Nate needed to even see that," I said, seeing a small smile playing on Brian's face.

"I have to hand it to you, Erron," Brian finally said, stepping back over to the couch and dropping down beside me. "You're good. But I don't think I'll be passing over my current boy for you anytime soon. He not only does that, but so much more."

I laughed and stuck my tongue out at Erron. Brian made a half-hearted grab at it and missed, his hand sliding down my chest and coming to rest on my thigh. "Enough of the kissing dares," I declared. "The only people I'm interested in having kiss are me and Brian."

"Good idea, sweetie," Brian whispered, burying his face in my neck. I felt his tongue dart out and run quickly across the base of my jaw. It only took him a moment before he pushed a little harder against me, knocking me back on the couch so that he could lay down on top of me.

"Your turn, Nick," I heard Erron say, laughing. "Quick, before they give us more of a show than I'd ever dare to see."

"You ready for bed, sweetie?"

"I think so, yeah," I said, nodding against him with a yawn. We were resting comfortably on the couch, me laying on his chest with my head sitting just under his chin. He'd periodically lower his chin to jab me with it, either to make sure I didn't fall asleep on him or to let me know he was still awake.

"Aww, too much fresh air today, Nate?"

I smiled at Nick and nodded again. "I think that's it, yeah. That and having to haul Brian around on the way back down."

"Not to mention the activities up on the cliff before Nick and I got there," Erron laughed. "That's hardly what I'd call conserving your energy."

"For the record," Brian said quietly, "nothing happened on the cliff."

"Didn't look like nothing."

"That was for your benefit," I smiled, running my hand over Brian's chest. He turned his head far enough to kiss me and slid his hand down my back.

"So what did you do up there?" Nick asked, putting his feet up on the coffee table and reclining in his chair.

"Sat," I said.

"Talked," Brian added.

We looked at each other and spoke at the same time. "It was nice."

"I bet it was," Nick chuckled. "Get to bed before you make us sick."

Turning my face upward, I kissed Brian's jaw. "Sounds good to me."

"What time are we leaving tomorrow?" Erron asked. "You want to get back early or anything?"

"I was thinking noon or shortly after," I told him. "That'll get us to the apartment mid- to late-afternoon. We don't fly out until Monday morning."

"And where do you go from Toronto?"

"We meet up with the guys in Dallas," Brian supplied. "Kev's flying out of New York tomorrow afternoon, and AJ and Howie should be there by the time we get there."

"Do you suppose anyone would notice if I didn't come back?" Nick said with a smile. "I could just move in here and look after the place for Jeff and Cindy."

"I'd notice," Brian smiled, sitting up and taking my hand. "Especially if Nate's taking off for California to see Andy. I'll need someone to make fun of while he's gone."

"And I'll need someone hideous to hang around with him so that I don't have to be suspicious while I'm away," I grinned.

"That's me," Nick laughed. "Hideous as can be."

He seemed disappointed when none of us rushed to defend him from himself. Erron just smiled at him while Brian and I nodded our agreement with his comment. Recalling Brian's statement earlier in the day about being nice to Nick, I started to wonder if we weren't being a little too harsh with our comments. He managed to put those worries to rest when he gave me a face full of popcorn.

Smiling at him, I grabbed Brian's hand and stood from the couch. "Just for that, we'll leave you both to clean up the mess. See you in the morning, guys."

"Try and get some sleep, eh?" Erron laughed.

Brian yawned and nodded. "I don't think that's going to be much of a problem."

"That's what you said about last night."

"Nate seduced me."

I laughed and pulled him toward the stairs.

"See? He's doing it again!"

"Better be careful, Bri," Nick said, pointing at us. "You keep this up, and Nate'll cut you off for a while."

"Interesting idea, Nicky," I laughed.

"Shhh, sweetie," Brian chuckled, patting my cheek. "Nick's never had an interesting idea in his life. You just ignore him."

"Take him to bed!" Nick shouted with a grin.

Leaning forward, I grabbed Brian and threw him over my shoulder, making my way up the stairs. He didn't struggle at all. The only move he made was to grab my hand and move it from the small of his back to his ass.

"Thanks Nick!" Brian called behind us as I turned the corner on the stairs and carried him into the hall. I didn't set him down until we were back in the bedroom.

"Thanks for the ride, sweetie," Brian said softly, putting his arms around me.

"I'm not even going to touch that one," I laughed, walking him over to the bed. "So you think you're going to make it through the night, or do I have to break out the rubber sheets?"

He blushed immediately, and stepped away from me with a smile. "I can't believe Nick told you about that."

"He didn't. He just hinted that there was something there to be told. You're the one who actually did the telling."

"Only because I had to."

"That's the beauty of the game." I unbuttoned my shorts and let them fall to the floor. "Though it sounds just a little too summer camp for me."

"What are you talking about?" His shorts joined mine, and he stepped out of them.

"It just sounds like one of those things you'd do at camp," I explained, stepping out of my boxers and pulling down the blankets on the bed. "The whole 'make the new kid think he wet himself' thing. Where you pour water all over the bed and let him think he pissed himself in the morning."

I got into bed and looked back, waiting for him. He was standing there, looking at me with a shocked expression on his face.

"You coming to bed?"

"Is that what you think happened?" he asked, sitting on the edge of the bed beside me.

I smiled. "I don't know, but it would likely have been the first thing I thought of."

He thought about it for a moment, and then shook his head. "No, they wouldn't have done that."

"Whatever you say, pookie."

He frowned. "They wouldn't. Kevin's my cousin."

"Okay," I smiled, enjoying messing with his head. I had seen the look on Nick's face when Brian was telling us about what happened, and I was almost certain that it had been a practical joke that they had just never let Brian in on.

"Would they?"

I finally laughed. "I wasn't there, Brian. But, if you think about it, it seems likely. AJ and Howie are old friends, right? And they met Nick before the group was finished. Then they brought Kevin in, and he called you. So you were the new kid in the group, basically. And I know Kevin well enough to know that you were about the only one he'd feel comfortable enough with to pull something like this. He grew up with you."

"Oh, I'm going to kill them." Brian started to stand up, but I grabbed his wrist and pulled him back down.

"If you go down there and start with Nick now, you're just going to look worse. It's always worse to catch onto a joke late than to not catch on at all. Especially when you're this late catching on. He'll just laugh even harder, and then tell the other guys."

"So I should just let them get away with it?"

"Not at all," I laughed. "Just wait until next time it's brought up, and then nonchalantly let them know that you know it was a practical joke. Yelling about it just lets them laugh all over again. They get two jokes out of the one."

"Okay, but I'm kicking Nick's ass in the morning."

"Fine. Just don't tell him why you're doing it," I laughed. "Now, go turn out the light and get into bed with me."

"Hmm."

"Don't make me ask twice."

Brian laughed as he jumped off the bed.

To Be Continued...

So there y'all go :) Hope you enjoyed it. It's a little longer than I've managed in a while. The next one should be shorter. After that, I haven't got a clue. I can tell you that there aren't that many more installments to go. A few, but not many.

Thanks for reading!

~D~