Brian and Me

Hey everyone! :)

To get it out of the way: You know if you shouldn't be reading this. If you shouldn't, don't. You also know if you're likely to get caught, so I guess it's all up to you. I'm barely able to be responsible for myself, I'm certainly not going to be responsible for you. :)

Well, it's been a long time, and sadly, there's very little new in my life to show for it. :P I've been told that I'm allowed to blame Matt for the delay in posting, but I can't bring myself to do it (even though it is entirely his fault :P). He's just too sweet, and he's become too good a friend for me to dump all of the blame on him (though, again, entirely his fault) :)

There are a few people who I do need to thank for helping me with this installment, and for making it better through their contributions and advice.

As always, JB has been there for me to chat with as well as providing his editorial opinion to the installment, though this will be the first time he's seen it in it's entirety. He's become a very good friend of mine, as well as an editor. Now if only I could get him to see how much cuter Lance is than Justin, he'd be just about perfect. :P

Scotty T, who is ... checks notes ... talented, sexy, funny, godlike, and in my ahem honest opinion, the best writer of the millenium, also deserves a huge thanks. Though he's a skanky bitch, he gave me some very valuable comments on the installment and has been waiting so very patiently for it, and I appreciate both his talents and his friendship.

A big thank you goes out to Pierre, who gave us a hand with the French bits to be found below. There's not much, but he helped with what he had. :) I toyed with the idea of giving you guys a translation for it at the end, but I nixed it. Matt does a fairly good job of letting you know what's going on. Better than I do, anyway. If you really have to know, email me and I'll tell you, though I have to warn you, it's not exactly necessary to the story.

And thanks again to Matt. Thanks for the stories, the chats, the support, and for letting me play with your characters every now and then. :) I'm having a lot of fun working on this with you, you know. :)

Finally, stories to keep your eye on. Well, if my opinion means anything, that is. :P Be sure to check out "Search & Rescue" by Matt, of course, "Adam, Zach, and BSB" by EG, "Lucky Me" by Lauren, "Some Kind of Bliss" by Braan, "Lance in Shining Armour" by Scotty, and "Separate Lives" by Chris Taylor, in no particular order. All are great stories, and each of the authors has managed to weasel themselves a place in my heart. And I use weasel here in the best possible way. :)

Enjoy!

PART 76

Matt shut off the car and grabbed a few bags out of the back seat before getting out. I gathered the rest and followed him to the front door of the house.

"Do you mind hiding these things for me?" I asked, drawing a curious look as well as a smile from him.

"Waiting for Christmas?" he asked, opening the door.

"Not quite," I laughed. "Though the prospect of Brian having to walk around nude all week is appealing."

"Officially, I have no comment on that," Matt grinned, then looked around to see if anyone could overhear. "Unofficially, I can think of worse things to have happen in my home."

I laughed and followed him inside, closing the door behind me. "But if I know Brian, he's going to want to see what I got him right away. Just thought I'd make him sweat it out a bit. And I want the first thing he sees to be that first shirt I found," I added with a mischievous smile.

"I knew you couldn't have liked that thing," he said, laughing.

"Are you kidding me? It's ugly as hell," I chuckled. "I just want to find out if I can guilt him into wearing it."

"Hey, if you want to be seen with him in that shirt, that's your business," Matt smiled, taking the bags from me.

"I didn't say he was leaving the house in it," I pointed out with a shudder. I was about to add that I'd rip it off of him myself before letting him out the door when we heard laughter coming from the other side of the house.

"Okay, I'll put these in my room so he can't find them. Just let me know when you want them," Matt said, looking toward the noise. "Go join them out there, and I'll be there in a minute."

I nodded and headed toward the porch, where the noise was coming from.

I found Brian, JC, Kevin and Kathy all there. Brian was sitting on the porch swing by himself, his toe barely touching the deck as he slowly rocked it back and forth. There was a bench which ran part of the way along the railing. Kevin and Kathy were sitting together on that while JC was sitting up on the railing itself, with his feet on the bench.

Looking beyond the porch, which was larger than I had expected it to be, I took in Matt's backyard. From the look of the neighbourhood as we had driven through it, I had known that it would be a large one, but it surprised me as well. Not only was it large, but it was immaculately kept. The grass was lush and green, and there was a huge tree near the one corner.

Not being Southern, I had to guess, but I thought it was a magnolia tree. That brought a smile to my face. It was just so... typically Southern.

From the look of the yard, I guessed that Matt had someone come in and take care of it. There was no way that someone with the kind of schedule that he had could keep it looking like that.

Brian smiled when he saw me and he put his hand out toward me. Taking it with a smile of my own, I kissed his cheek. "Miss me?"

"Of course." He looked around for the bags. "What did you get me?"

I laughed. "So your loneliness was surpassed only by your greed?"

JC grinned. "Well, I don't think that was true, but you're back now, so only the greed is left."

I rolled my eyes and turned to face him. While he looked pretty damn good in videos and interviews, he looked even better in person. If I hadn't had Brian, I would have been very jealous of Matt. "Don't help him. Nice to meet you, JC," I said, offering him my hand.

"Same here," he smiled as he shook it. Nice smile too. "I've been hearing a lot about you."

I looked around to find Brian smiling. Kevin and Kathy were grinning as well. "Oh, I bet you have. Just what have they been telling you?"

"Well," he said, sitting down on the railing, "after we worked through how much he missed his wonderful and handsome boyfriend..."

"I said beautiful," Brian interjected, pulling me down into his lap on the porch swing.

"I'd have to say he's more handsome than beautiful," JC said appraisingly, looking me over.

"You haven't seen all of him," Brian pointed out.

I blushed heavily and nudged him to silence and turned my attention back to JC. "Go on. I like where this is going so far."

"Well, then he told me how the two of you met. I must say I was very impressed by how perfect it was." I frowned, wondering just how screwed up in the head JC was to think that my first meeting with Brian was perfect. "And then Kevin told me how you really met," he added, looking at Kevin, who shrugged and smiled.

I grinned. "So when do I get to hear your version?" I asked Brian.

"Someday, if you're really nice to me."

"Like it's worth doing that," JC laughed. "You're just lucky someone as wonderful as Nate will put up with you."

"Yeah, well at least mine's here," Brian countered putting his arm around me. "Yours seems to have gotten lost along the way. Maybe you're not as indispensable as you thought."

"Oh, he is," Matt confirmed, coming through the doors. JC looked smugly at Brian as Matt came to stand in front of him. They did make a cute couple.

"So what do you think?" Matt asked me, indicating JC.

I grinned at Brian and then turned back to Matt. "Il est tres charmant."

"What?" JC asked me.

Matt smiled. "Don't tell him that. He'll get a big head." He leaned over closer to me and started to whisper. "Il est moins cher qu'il ne pense."

I grinned back at him. "Brian too," I agreed as we both laughed.

"'Brian too' what?" Brian asked, prodding me in the ribs.

"Ca ne fait rien," I said, kissing him.

"Quit it!" he laughed.

Matt smiled as JC put his arms around him.

"So what did you get me?" Brian asked again, holding my hand.

"You'll just have to wait and see," I smiled. "I'm not telling."

"Please?" he asked, kissing my hand. "Pretty please?" He leaned in and kissed my neck.

"Like you're going to be able to stand up against him," Kevin laughed from his spot beside Kathy. "You might as well give up now before he makes the rest of us sick."

I put my hand on Brian's forehead and pushed him away. "Nuh uh. I said you're going to have to wait, and I meant it."

Brian's lips reappeared on the other side of my neck. "Isn't there anything that I can do to make you tell?" I smiled and shook my head.

"Comment resistez-vous a la tentation?" Matt asked with a grin as he leaned against JC.

"Ce n'est pas facile!" I laughed. Turning back to Brian, I smiled at his frown. "Comme tu es jolie," I whispered, stroking his face.

"You better quit while you're ahead," Brian warned, squeezing me. "Though that last one seemed pretty good."

"It was," Matt added, watching us.

"How come you never say that to me?" JC asked him, nudging him from behind.

Matt turned in JC's arms and smiled at him. "I'm sorry. I think you're very pretty too."

Brian jabbed me from behind. "Hey!"

I laughed and patted his leg. "Je suis vraiment desole. Je ne le ferai plus."

"One more out of you, and you're sleeping alone," Brian laughed.

I leaned over conspiratorially to Matt. "Rien ne lui plait."

"Sauf toi," he pointed out.

"J'espere bien," I agreed.

"That's it!" Brian laughed, sliding me off of his lap and onto the deck. "I warned you!"

"But I was talking to Matt," I defended myself.

"About me," Brian pointed out, pushing me back down again as I tried to get back onto his knee. "Now I better hear a big 'excusez- moi' or you're on your own."

I pouted and gave him the puppy-dog eyes.

"I don't hear it."

I sighed and kissed his knee. "Excusez-moi."

Brian smiled and patted his lap.

"Je t'aime," I whispered, sitting down again and kissing him.

"Now that I understood," Brian laughed.

JC gave Matt a sly smile. "So what did you bring me?" he asked.

Matt rolled his eyes dramatically, then gave Brian a look. "See what you started?"

Typical of Brian, he tried to look as innocent as possible. I got to him before Matt could say anything, giving him an elbow to the stomach.

"Merci beaucoup," Matt said with a smile.

"De rien," I smiled back. "So what's with the two of you?" Kevin asked, looking at Matt and I.

"What?" I asked.

"I've never heard you speak French before," Kevin said. "And it doesn't look like Brian has either."

Brian shook his head. "I haven't. Didn't even know that he could."

"So what gives?" Kevin asked again.

I shrugged. "Well, do any of you guys speak French?" I asked them, making them both shake their heads. "That's probably why you haven't heard me," I laughed. "It's not something that comes up a lot. Matt and I got to talking on the way to the mall, and we discovered that we both speak a little bit."

"Where did you learn it?" JC asked Matt, hugging him from behind.

Matt smiled. "You'd be surprised what you pick up in France."

"You've been to France?" JC asked, in much the same tone as I had asked about Germany earlier. I had to laugh.

"We covered that already," Matt said, grinning at me. "My father was stationed in Europe for a while and we went back for vacations. I still go over every year."

JC's face seemed to cloud over when Matt mentioned his father, but he didn't say anything. Just nodded his head at the explanation.

"So where did you learn it?" Brian asked me.

I looked at him for a minute to see if he was going to be able to piece it together himself. When it didn't appear that he was going to, I smiled. "School," I said simply. "They seem to have this strange idea that Canadian kids should learn both official languages."

Kevin laughed at his cousin's expense as Brian's face scrunched up in embarrassment. JC seemed interested though.

"I didn't know you were Canadian," he said. "Where are you from?"

"I thought you were a fan?" I said with a grin.

"Well, I liked your book, but didn't really figure that we'd meet. I didn't think I'd need to know your bio," he laughed.

"No problem," I laughed. "It probably wouldn't do you much good, aside from finding out that I was born and raised in Toronto. My past isn't really something that I care to have the whole world reading about."

This time it was Brian's turn to look uncomfortable at the mention of my past. Kevin noticed and got a concerned look on his face, and I'm pretty sure that Matt noticed as well. Brian managed to pull himself around before either of them could say anything, though I noticed that he held me a little tighter than he had been before.

"Speaking French is definitely not mentioned," I added with a smile, "considering that I'm far from fluent."

"Sounded pretty good to me," Kathy said.

It was really my first opportunity to take Kathy in. She was quite beautiful, and seemed to be almost bursting with vitality. There was a spark in her eye that rivalled the one to be found in Brian's eyes when he was up to something. She was slight, where Kevin was solid, and her blonde hair contrasted sharply with his dark hair, but there was a connection there. That much was plain to see. And that smile was infectious.

"Well, no offence, but you're hardly a trained ear," I told her, feeling the corners of my mouth rise. "If you were French, you'd probably be spitting on me right now. My accent isn't very good, and I'm really out of practise. Don't think I've needed to use it since second year university. I took it as an elective."

"I don't think it's that bad," Matt said, defending me from myself. "With a little work, and maybe an extensive stay in France, you'd be set."

"He's not going to France," Brian said quickly, making us all laugh. "I can hardly get through a trip to the mall without him, there's no way he's going that far."

"He doesn't look like he's going anywhere," Kathy smiled. "Or even wanting to go anywhere."

"That's just the way I want it," Brian said happily. "Though I can think of one place that he wants to be."

I turned a bit to face him. "Where's that? I'm pretty comfortable right here."

Brian leaned in to whisper something in my ear. Before he spoke, he took an opportunity to bite my earlobe, making me laugh. I pulled my head away from him, but he moved his head as well, keeping his lips close enough that his breath tickled me.

"Sarah's on the bench under the tree, and Lady Jane's behind it," he said softly, then pulled away to see my expression.

I looked at him blankly, having no idea what he was talking about. Then everything fell into place, as I saw the bench in my mind. "You're right, there is somewhere I need to be," I said.

"Can't you two wait until tonight?" Kevin joked.

I rolled my eyes. "That's not it."

"Then what's going on?" Kevin asked, noting the far-off look in my eyes. Part of my mind was already back in that garden, taking in the details that I wanted to get down into the story.

I shook my head to clear it. "I asked Brian to remember something for me. Something I need to get written before I forget about it," I explained. "Could you guys excuse me for, oh, an hour at most?"

"Sure," Matt said, looking slightly confused.

"Thanks," I smiled at him. "I'm sorry to just take off like this, but I really do want to get it down. A couple of the details have been bothering me since I started the book, and now I know how to fix it."

"No problem," JC smiled. He nudged Matt. "You might want to show him which room is for him and Brian."

"Oh," Matt said with a smile. "I suppose I should. Follow me, Nate."

"And while you're writing, I can check out the clothes that you picked up for me," Brian said, pushing me up off of his lap.

I stopped and looked at him, taking in the glint in his eyes. "That's the only reason that you reminded me of this in the first place, isn't it?" I asked him.

"I would have reminded you," he said, defending himself. "Maybe not right away, but I would have."

"Well, maybe you should just stay out here until I'm done."

"But I want to see what you bought," he said, using his own puppy dog face.

"And he doesn't want to be out of your sight," Kathy added, laughing at the expression on his face. "How can you resist a face like that?"

"It's not easy," I said, echoing my words from a few minutes earlier. "You can come," I told him, "but no distractions."

"Good luck," Kevin said quietly, and I heard Kathy and JC laughing with him.

"No distractions," Brian agreed. "I'll just admire my new threads."

"Okay," I agreed. "On one condition."

"What's that?"

"You never, ever, call them threads again," I laughed, pulling him up out of he swing.

"Deal," he agreed readily.

"I put your computer and suitcase in your room already," Kevin called behind us as Matt led us back into the house.

I called out my thanks and slapped Brian on the ass to get him moving faster.

PART 77

"Here you go," Matt said, opening the bedroom door.

"Thanks," Brian and I said in unison as we stepped inside. It was a nice room. Not too large, but with more than enough room for the two of us. It even had a desk in the corner. My computer was already set up on it.

"No problem. Oh, Nate, I left the one bag that you mentioned on the bed."

I turned and saw it lying on the bed and laughed. "Thanks Matt."

"I'll get the others, and then head back to the porch. You know the way when you're done."

I nodded as Brian started walking toward the bed eagerly. I grabbed his shoulder and made him stop. "Not yet," I said. "I want to make sure that you're occupied for as long as possible. You wait until I've started, and then you can look."

Brian sighed and sat down on the bed. Leaning over slightly, he started to blow into the bag, trying to get it to open without actually touching it.

I laughed and knelt beside him. "Brian?" I asked, trying to get his attention.

"Brian," I said again, slapping his thigh.

"Huh?" He didn't look up.

"I'm pregnant," I said seriously.

Brian's head shot up and his eyes got big for a second before he actually heard what I had said, then he frowned. "Just trying to take your attention off of the bag," I laughed.

Brian grinned and shook his head, then started to bend back over again. Taking his head in my hands, I brought his face to mine and kissed him, thinking that it was about the only thing that I could do to keep his attention.

"Mmmmmm..." Brian mumbled against my lips as his tongue met mine. His hands went to my hips and pulled me a little closer to him. He stopped just short of making me lose my balance and toppling us both to the floor. I'm sure if he had thought about it he wouldn't have stopped.

"Ahem," Matt said from behind us, surprising us into pulling apart. When we looked up, he was smiling and his hands were full of our shopping bags.

"Sorry about that," I said, blushing. "Got a little carried away."

"I know what it's like," Matt assured me with a smile. "Does he get these now?" he asked, holding up his hands.

"I guess," I laughed as Brian's eyes lit up. "But he still can't look in them yet."

Brian's face fell as Matt set the bags at the head of the bed, as far from Brian as he could. "Okay," he said, "give me a shout if you need anything."

"We will," I said, turning on my computer, "and I'm sorry about this again.

I get a little crazy when it comes to the book."

"Like I said," Matt smiled. "It's not a problem. I'm sure we can entertain ourselves for a little while. This is obviously important to you."

I nodded. "It's been bothering me ever since I wrote it."

"Then fix it," Matt said simply. "I'll be able to tell people that part of it was written in my house," he grinned and turned to leave. "If you need someone to come and drag the walking distraction out of here for you, I'm sure Kathy would be more than happy to oblige."

"I think I can keep him in line," I laughed. "But tell Kathy to be ready, just in case."

"Will do. See you two in a bit," Matt said as he walked back out into the hall.

My computer beeped and I typed in the password.

"Now?" Brian asked. I turned to find him inching his way up the bed toward the bags Matt had set there.

"Wait another minute. Look over there," I said, indicating the wall behind him. Brian frowned, but obliged. Reaching into the A&F bag, I pulled out the smaller Walgreen's bag and tossed it under the bed. "Okay now," I relented with a smile. "But you have to start with the first one. That's the one that I'm most proud of."

Brian shrugged his agreement as he turned back to face me and dove for the bag, making me laugh. I had just opened my word processor when I heard him gasp. Slowly, I turned to find him looking from the mass of hideous fabric in his hand to me, then back again.

"Don't you like it?" I asked, pretending to be hurt.

Brian took in the look on my face and immediately put on a false grin. "No, it's great," he said, obviously believing that I liked the monstrosity.

"I'm glad you like it," I said, smiling. "I want you to wear it next time we go out for dinner."

"Uh... sure," Brian said, looking down at it again. He was probably trying to figure out a way to have a washing machine eat it before he had to wear it.

"Well, don't stop there," I said, pointing to the head of the bed. "There's more where that one came from."

Brian hesitated before walking to the rest of the bags, probably concerned about what he would find inside. I couldn't keep a straight face anymore, so I turned back to the computer screen and called up the file I needed.

"So who's Lady Jane?" he asked.

I turned back around to face him. "You've been wondering about that since the plane, haven't you?" Brian nodded and sat down on the bed facing me, eager that he was going to get some details on the book. "That's just what I call her in my head," I explained. "She's one of my characters. Mean old lady who thinks she rules the universe."

Brian grinned. "And Sarah's the main character, isn't she?"

I looked at him, surprised. I wondered for a second if he had been reading the book, then dismissed the thought. He wouldn't betray my trust like that. "One of them, yeah. How did you know?"

"Where else would your mother be but centre stage?" he asked.

I thought about that for a minute and then smiled. That particular connection had taken me weeks to make. He was right, but more importantly, he had made the connection. He knew me that well. "You know, I think only you and Andy would have seen that," I said. "I can't believe you remembered."

"Of course I remembered," he said, looking at me like I was insane for doubting him. I suppose I was. "You think I would forget something like that?"

He had a point. "Well, had I stopped to think about it, no I don't suppose you would," I said, still smiling. I was still kind of stunned, whether I should have been or not. "But I didn't think that you would have connected the two, really. Even I didn't until I was well into the book."

"How could you not see it?"

I shrugged. "The character just seemed like a Sarah." It was difficult to explain without outright saying that the characters had lives of their own. "But she's always been easy to write. Once I realised that it was because she seemed familiar, the pieces fell into place pretty quickly. She's even started to look a bit like my mother when I picture her in my head."

"Do you have a picture of your mother?" Brian asked. "I just realised that I don't know what she looked like."

I felt the smile slip from my face as I shook my head slowly. Brian's wasn't far behind, as he realised that he had hit on a sore subject. "I don't keep any out," I said, trying to retain a bit of my cheeriness. "They're all in storage. After the funeral, I couldn't have them out without breaking down, so I put them all away. I try not to think about it much. There's a lot of my parent's stuff out there."

"Out where?"

"I rent a storage space back home," I explained, thinking about it. I hadn't been there since they had moved the stuff out of the apartment. "Most of my parents' things are out there. What wasn't given away in the will."

"Who would they give things to?" Brian asked, obviously reluctant to keep going with the conversation but unsure how to stop it. "I thought your family was gone."

I shook my head and laughed a little under my breath, but in a way it was true. My family was gone, it's just that they weren't all dead. "My father had two brothers. Both live out west, and I haven't seen them since the funeral. They got what was theirs in the will, and then took off again."

"You don't talk to them?"

I shook my head again. "I always considered the things that they got from my parents as being sort of like parting gifts. They got them and left again. We sort of have a mutual agreement not to talk. We don't do it well."

"Is it because you're gay?" Brian reached out and put his hand on my knee, offering comfort.

I started to shake my head, then wound up shrugging. "Could be, I guess. But that's not how it started. We just never got along. Fundamental differences of opinion, I guess. But I don't imagine that they were too happy to find out I was gay." I was sure of it, in fact. Most of those fundamental differences I had with them were a result of their attitudes toward those they saw as 'other'. One thing that you could say about them was that they were equal opportunity assholes. If you weren't white, straight and upper-class, they didn't want anything to do with you.

Brian gave me a sympathetic look from the bed. "I didn't mean to upset you," he said. "I just wondered about your mother. I didn't think that it would get you like this."

"I know," I said, doing my best to give him a believable smile. "Maybe while we're in Toronto, I'll take you to the storage space and show you a picture. It's probably about time I looked around out there and brought some of that stuff home with me."

"What else is out there, aside from pictures?" Brian asked.

I shrugged again. "They are." Brian looked confused, as though wondering if I had my parents stashed away somewhere. I smiled for him. "The things that they managed to collect, the things that they loved, the things that other people bought them and they couldn't bring themselves to throw away. Most of the furniture from their apartment is there, and just about everything else that they owned. I couldn't bring myself to get rid of any of it, so what my dad's brothers didn't take, I put there."

"You keep calling them your dad's brothers, instead of your uncles," he pointed out.

"That's who they are. I try to distance myself from them as much as possible. They don't want to be a part of my life, so I try to oblige them as much as I can. They got what they wanted when my parents died." I tried to keep the anger at their disrespect of my parents out of my expression, but the narrowing of Brian's eyes told me I hadn't been entirely successful.

"And you didn't keep any of it?"

I remembered packing everything up, and how empty the apartment had been when I was finished. The only room that had had anything left in it had been my bedroom, and even that had been stripped of a few things that held too many memories.

The emptiness of the apartment had mirrored my own at the time, and it had been weeks before I had been able to even think about refurnishing it. Many a night had been spent with me sitting in the window seat of our living room, holding the one thing that I hadn't been able to let go. I brushed at the tear that was threatening and answered him. "Just my father's necklace," I said. "It was the only thing that really meant something to all three of us. It was a clear connection between us and I couldn't stand to lock it away. But I couldn't wear it either."

Brian's hand went to his neck, where the medallion would hang if it were not packed away in his suitcase.

I nodded. "Until I gave it to you." Brian just looked at me, apparently at a loss for words. "So," I said, trying to get off of the subject before I decided to start crying after all. "Do you want to come with me and see what's there when we get back?"

"I want to know your parents," Brian said, which didn't exactly answer the question but was, as they say, close enough for government work. I thought about the book. My mother was there, with Lady Jane. If he wanted to know her, that was where he should start looking. But it - I - wasn't ready yet.

I was beginning to think that he'd see it eventually - regardless of my rules about showing it - but not now. Not yet.

"Then that's the best place to start," I told him. "There's more of them there than there is anywhere else these days."

Brian sat, thinking, for a moment, then blinked and looked at me. "I didn't mean to distract you," he said, indicating the computer. "You'd probably rather be writing than talking about this." It was clear that he didn't want to linger on the subject any longer either.

"Brian," I said, leaning forward. "This is the stuff that I need to talk about. That's what got me into trouble in the first place, remember? There's not as much pain there anymore. I just miss them now."

He nodded. "I know you do. But really, you should get writing so we can get back. You've only got an hour."

I smiled and thanked him silently. He knew that once I got into the book again, I wouldn't be able to think about anything else. "Okay. You check out the rest of what I bought you, and I'll get to work."

"Deal," Brian grinned. "And no more distractions. I promise."

True to his word, Brian didn't distract me once. After I started on the story again, I barely knew that he was there. I did register his initial sigh of relief when he saw the rest of what I had bought him though, and I smiled to myself.

I skimmed back through the story, putting the bench into the appropriate scenes that had already been written, then brought up the chapter that I had been working on with a naked pop star on my back and began going over it, making the appropriate changes.

By the time I was finished, I had turned the entire chapter around and given it a different feel. It was as close to perfect as I was going to get it and I was clever enough to stop screwing with it before I messed it up worse than before.

I found myself almost hesitant to turn it off, though. My conversation with Brian had brought be back to Sarah, and I couldn't help thinking of the character as my mother. Time with her in the book was like making up for time in real life. It was like a private prayer to my mother, albeit in what was going to eventually turn out to be a very public medium. The connection between the book and the problems that had plagued Brian and I were becoming obvious, and I was starting to wonder whether that was going to be good for the story or not.

Stretching, I looked up from the computer and checked my watch. I had been working for about three-quarters of an hour. Deciding that I was finished, I shut down the program, then the machine, my finger pausing for only a second before finally pressing the button. Spinning the desk chair, I found Brian napping on the bed.

He had braced himself against some pillows so that he was lying down but facing me. He had apparently been watching me work. I smiled and stood from the desk, moving around behind him. The clothes that I had bought him were lying all around him, and I found the ugly shirt pushed under the pillows, as though he had tried to hide it and hope I forgot about it.

Leaning over, I ran my hand over his forehead, sweeping his hair away from it, then kissed him right between the eyes. I stood up again and watched as his eyes fluttered open and he took in my upside-down image.

"Hi," he said softly with a smile.

"Hi, sweetie," I whispered back, climbing onto the bed and clearing his clothes off of it.

"You done?"

"Well, I'm done writing for now." I turned myself around and lay down on top of him. There was just something about seeing him sleeping there, where he had been silently watching me, and the memory of the concern that he had shown me earlier that brought out my amorous nature. "But I'm just getting started with you."

"Is that so?"

"Yep." I kissing him. "That's so."

"But we're supposed to get back to the rest of the guys." Brian pressed my lips to his neck and ran my tongue over his Adam_s apple. He sucked in a breath and brought his hands to my waist.

"I told them an hour or so," I whispered. "That means we have a few minutes at least."

"We really shouldn't..."

I raised my head and looked him in the eye. "But is that going to stop us?"

He looked uncertain for a minute, then decided. "Yes, I think it is. I wouldn't feel comfortable about it. It feels like we'd be ignoring them. But I'll make it up to you later," he added with a kiss. "Twice."

I grinned. "I'll hold you to that, you know."

"I'm counting on it," he laughed. "Now let's get out of here before I completely lose my will."

"There is one thing you can do for me right now," I said, standing up again and adjusting my clothes.

"Anything." He offered me his hand for help up.

I jerked him up into a standing position. "Wear your new shirt," I said, kissing his neck.

"I thought you wanted me to wear it out somewhere," he pointed out, taking advantage of the smallest loophole known to man. His eyes betrayed him, but the rest of it was almost convincing.

"I changed my mind," I smiled. "I think it would be much nicer to break it in during a nice quiet evening with friends. There's going to be lots of opportunity for you to wear it out in public."

"Yay," Brian said without much enthusiasm as I started to unbutton his shirt.

"You don't like it?" I asked, adding a little pout and enjoying myself immensely.

"No, I love it," Brian assured me with a fake smile. "It's great. Though I don't know what I did with it..."

"It's right here," I said quickly, pulling it out from under the pillow.

Brian kept the smile on his face, which must have been a battle for him, and finished taking off his shirt. I handed him the new one and tried to keep from laughing as he buttoned it. "How do I look?" he asked blandly, putting his arms out.

"Damn sexy, just like always," I smiled, hugging him and pulling him toward the door. My smile grew as I thought about just how bad that shirt was. At least I knew that I didn't have to worry about anyone stealing him away while he was wearing it. Superstar or not, no one could look good in that thing. "Now let's go show it off."

"Right behind you," Brian said uncertainly, and followed me out into the hall.

The group had relocated to the living room and Matt started to laugh as soon as he saw us.

"What the hell are you wearing?" Kevin asked, joining in the laughter.

"Nate bought it for me," Brian said, valiantly defending my sense of style.

That made me feel a little bad about pulling this on him, since he seemed so eager to make me happy. But, it was too late by then to do anything about it. By the smile on Matt's face, the charade wasn't going to last much longer anyway.

"I can't believe he got you to put it on," Matt grinned from his place beside JC on the couch. "I didn't think he would be able to do it."

"What are you talking about?" Brian asked him, then turned to face me. "What's he talking about?"

I tried my best to keep the smile off of my face, but it didn't seem to be listening. Brian took in the smile and I saw his eyes get larger as he realised what was going on.

"You didn't," Brian said, looking me in the eye.

I burst out laughing. "I'm sorry, sweetie," I grinned. "I just couldn't help myself. I had to see if I could get you to wear it."

"Of course I would wear it," Brian mumbled, looking down at it with disgust. I wondered whether or not I was in trouble for pulling this over on him. "I thought you liked it."

"That's sweet." I kissed him on the cheek.

"You honestly thought Nate would pick something like that out?" Kevin asked him.

"Well, he seemed to like it," Brian said. "I guess I underestimated how devious he is."

"Not to mention his fashion sense," Kathy pointed out. "Where on earth did you find that thing?"

"Sales rack at Goldsmith's," Matt supplied. "I thought he was crazy when I saw him pick it up."

I smiled, remembering the look on his face as I had picked it out. "You deserve an award for not saying anything about it. I don't know if I would have been able to do it if I had seen you buying it."

Matt shrugged. "I figured you knew Brian better than I did. And anything would have been better than that heavy shirt you wanted to get him first. He would have boiled alive in that thing."

"But it was such a great shirt! All warm and snuggly. Perfect for a fall evening."

Brian, still looking at his shirt, wandered over and claimed a chair.

"A fall evening in Canada, maybe," Kathy laughed. "We're still in t-shirt and shorts weather, in case you hadn't noticed."

"Well, it's not my fault that you people live in unnatural warmth," I protested with a smile as I sat down in front of Brian on the floor, leaning my back against the chair and resting my head on his knee.

"Just because we don't live in the arctic!" Kathy shot back.

"It's hardly the arctic! You know, we even have periods up there where there's no snow at all."

"How do the dogs pull the sleds through grass?" Matt joked, earning himself a glare from me.

"Yeah yeah," I said, rolling my eyes. "Now where's my mint julep? And which one of the two of you is the southern belle?"

Matt pointed at Kathy just as Kathy pointed at Matt, making us all laugh.

"Seriously, though. It's just too hot down here. I finally had to leave LA for the same reasons. I miss the drastic temperature changes. I miss the snow and the slush and the ice."

JC started to laugh. "You're nuts."

I refused to back down. "There's nothing better than being able to snuggle up in a blanket with a good book and a hot cup of tea. You're all warm while your nose and ears are cold. It's perfect." It really was the ideal condition. Perfectly balanced between being toasty warm and numb from cold.

Matt didn't look convinced in the least. "I don't think so."

"Ah, but when it's cold out, having someone to cuddle with in bed becomes not only fun, but practical as well," I argued, looking up at Brian. I figured that it was probably the best way to go to get their support.

"Well then, it's a good thing that it's warm," Brian said, running his fingers through my hair. "Because after this shirt fiasco, you're not getting any cuddling for a while."

Kevin grinned at the look on my face and started to laugh. "Now you've done it."

I smiled and shook my head. "He owes me."

"I do?" Brian asked, pulling my head back to look at him.

"Yep," I told his upside down image. "Not ten minutes ago, we were upstairs and you said that you would..." I got no further because Brian put his hand over my mouth with a laugh.

"I remember," he said quickly. When he was sure I wasn't going to continue, his hands went back to running through my hair again.

"Well we don't," Kathy said with a smile. "He said that he would what?"

I opened my mouth to answer her but Brian beat me to it. "I said that I would smack him if he said another word." You didn't have to be a genius to know that it was a warning.

I closed my mouth again and smiled at Kathy. She smiled back, and I got the distinct impression that she understood.

We decided to spend the evening just hanging around and getting to know one another. Matt had been planning to make dinner in a little while and offered to go and pick up a couple of movies. Surprisingly, Brian offered to go with him. I looked up in surprise at him, but he just smiled. "You got Matt to yourself this afternoon," he whispered as he got up.

I grinned. "Okay, but no funny business," I joked back, low enough that no one else heard us.

"Hey, after your swooning over JC the other day, I should be the one handing out the warnings."

"I only have eyes for you," I laughed. "At least while you're in the room.

Once you go out that door, my memory gets kind of fuzzy. Who knows who might turn my head."

"You're so cute when you're talking about being unfaithful." He leaned over to kiss me.

"If you don't go, I can't miss you," I answered, stealing a line from Howie.

Brian just shook his head and stood up straight again. I took the opportunity to jump up into the chair that he had just vacated. Matt was just finishing saying his goodbye to JC, then joined Brian at the doorway to the room. 'Jeez, look at us,' I mused to myself, exchanging a look with Brian and seeing the same one pass between Matt and JC. 'You'd think they were going to war or something.'

We all seemed to realise it at the same time, and Brian and Matt finally left, promising to be back soon.

"All those who think that was just sickeningly sweet?" Kathy asked, putting her hand up. Kevin quickly did the same. JC and I exchanged a look, then we both raised our hands as well.

"Well, at least they know it," Kevin said to Kathy, who laughed.

"But is it going to stop them?" she asked him.

"Probably not," he returned.

JC cleared his throat. "We are in the room, you know."

"But at least if they're aware of it there's some hope, isn't there?" Kathy asked Kevin with a smile, purposefully ignoring JC.

"Well, I haven't been around JC and Matt enough to know for sure, but with the other two I can tell you there's absolutely no hope," Kevin laughed.

It was my turn. "You know, Kev, if there was no hope, why are you constantly hitting on me, trying to steal me away from him?"

Kevin's jaw dropped as Kathy laughed. The colour slowly rose up his cheeks, and JC grinned and gave me a thumbs-up.

"I do not!" Kevin was still looking at me wide-eyed.

"Excuse me?" I said, enjoying myself. "The first time I joined you guys on tour, you put your arm around me after the show."

"I was being friendly," Kevin defended himself.

"And then you couldn't stop running your fingers through my hair."

"I was giving you a noogie!"

"Looking for nookie, more like it," Kathy said, sending us all into fits of laughter.

Kevin glared at me for starting this. I just laughed as the tears started to leak out of the corners of my eyes. When I had settled down, I decided that Kevin hadn't had enough quite yet. "And then when we were in that bar in Santa Fe, what was it called?"

"The Tempest," Kevin supplied, then clapped his hand over his mouth, realising that he had helped me.

"That's it! The night Brian and I were fighting. You guys should have seen how quickly Kevin appeared at my side when a guy asked me to dance."

"Jealous?" JC asked.

I nodded, but Kevin didn't. "Concerned," he said.

"And when I came back with Brian from Toronto, you had to have two hugs. I gave you one when I saw you, and then you asked for another one when the rest of the guys got there."

"I missed you," Kevin sighed as JC and Kathy grinned at me.

"Awwww," JC laughed.

"And finally," I said with a flourish. "The piece de resistance. This morning, he hauled me out of bed with Brian. I was half naked, and then he decided that he wanted to wrestle." I was actually very proud of the case I was making.

"First of all," Kevin said, his face finally breaking into a smile - I knew he wouldn't be able to keep a straight face - "you tackled me this morning instead of showering with Brian. Second of all, I didn't pull you out of bed, I pulled you off the couch. And I wouldn't have done that if you hadn't given me the finger."

"He fingered you?" Kathy asked quickly.

The entire room fell silent. From the look on Kathy's face, she had even shocked herself with that last one. I looked from Kathy to JC, and finally to Kevin, who was dumbstruck. Finally, out of sheer awkwardness, we started to laugh again.

"That's enough of that, I think," Kevin said, sitting up in his seat. We all nodded in agreement.

"So who do we want to embarrass now?" Kathy asked with a grin.

"Well, I'm sure I could come up with some interesting stories about you," he offered helpfully, causing her to put her hand over his mouth.

"Don't you dare," she warned him. "Why don't we wait until Matt and Brian get back. Widen the potential candidates?"

Again we all nodded, and fell into an easy silence. There was something about sharing a good laugh that just put you at ease around people. Even if you didn't know them at all.

"So what's the new book about?" JC asked, trying to spark conversation.

"A garden," I supplied, then stopped talking. Sometimes I hated not being able to talk about my writing, but I was too afraid to actually go against the superstition.

JC and Kathy both looked at me, obviously waiting for me to continue.

Kevin grinned and came to my rescue. "You can stop looking at him now. He's done. You won't get more out of him about the book. That's more than he's told any of us, actually."

"How come?" Kathy asked.

I shrugged. "Some people think it's a snob thing, like I just don't want to tell them. That's not it at all. It's superstition more than anything else. I tried to write a book a couple of times before 'Blue Sky', and I talked to everyone about it. Both times, the story just died after I did that. Now, I talk about it with my editor, and with my agent. That's it."

"Do you talk about it with Brian?" JC asked the obvious.

"I've been wondering about that too," Kevin said, looking at me.

"Well," I said, making some futile hand gestures. "I haven't really talked about it with him. He knows one of the character's names, and who they're modelled after. He also knows what I call one of the other characters in my head."

"Why would you tell him just those two specific things?"

"I didn't, exactly," I answered. "I had a dream on the plane today coming here, about the book. When I woke up, I didn't want to forget it, so I asked him to remind me later. Both of the characters were in the reminder."

"So you don't talk about it with anyone?" JC asked.

"Nope."

"I bet Brian could get it out of you," Kevin grinned.

"I suppose he could, but I bet I could think of something to take his mind off of it before he did," I grinned back.

Kevin rolled his eyes and acquiesced.

"But it's coming well?" Kathy inquired.

I nodded with a smile. "Better than 'Blue Sky' did, actually. Every time I sit down to write, I just get absorbed into the story. It's almost writing itself."

"I can't imagine writing something that big," Kevin said. "I'm amazed when I can look at a song and realise that I wrote it."

"I couldn't imagine it either, until I did it," I said. "It was definitely strange to look at the screen and see that there were hundreds of pages of stuff that came right from my very own head."

We spent a little while talking about writing, and I answered a few questions for them, mostly about how I started and where I got my ideas. By the time we were done, Brian and Matt were just coming back through the door.

Brian immediately took his customary seat on my lap, putting his arm around my shoulders and resting his back against the arm of the chair. I noticed Kevin and Kathy share an eye-roll and started to laugh.

"What's so funny?" Brian asked me.

"Nothing, really," I said. "These two were giving JC and I a hard time for being so much in love." I pointed at Kevin and Kathy. "And then we got to talking about how Kevin's always hitting on me."

"Don't start that again," Kevin groaned.

"Did you tell them about the naked wrestling this morning?" Brian asked, laughing at Kevin's discomfort.

"Yep," I answered. "Of course, he blamed it on me."

"Of course he did. I seem to recall you being dragged out of my arms, though."

"See?" I asked the room.

"Well, as long as we're talking about such things," Kevin said with a malicious grin. "I seem to recall a certain writer friend of mine who was quite excited about meeting JC here. I believe his exact words were 'He's that dreamy guy who used to be on the Mickey Mouse Club.'"

JC started to grin and turned to look at me. "Is that so?" he asked.

I glared at Kevin, then nodded. "You must know that you're attractive," I pointed out. "You've got people telling you that all the time." For some reason, I wasn't as embarrassed as I would have thought. I supposed that, having spent time with Brian and the guys, I wasn't thinking of him as someone famous. And I was hardly the first person to find him attractive.

"Yeah, but they're hardly ever people I know." He blushed a little bit. "That's nice. Thank you."

"Don't mention it," I laughed. "It's not like I set out to accomplish it. But come on. You must look in the mirror."

"Well, you're no slouch yourself, you know," he said with a smile. "If I wasn't taken, I might just give Brian a run for his money."

"That could be interesting," I said, trying to picture it.

Brian nudged me to bring my mind back to the conversation. "He also likes Lance," he supplied, changing the topic just enough to set his mind at ease.

"Who doesn't?" JC asked back, making me laugh. Matt arched his eyebrow at his boyfriend. "Well, he is pretty cute," JC defended his position.

"Enough of my little crushes," I said, nudging Brian.

Kevin seemed almost triumphant. "See what it's like?"

I looked over to see Matt laughing at the two of us. "Oh no you don't," I said, pointing at him. "You're not getting out of this so easily."

"What are you talking about?" he asked, becoming wary.

"Seems to me that I heard a certain unnamed host of ours commenting to Kathy earlier today about Kevin's ass."

"Oooh," JC said, leaning forward.

Kathy started laughing as she saw the expressions on both Matt and Kevin's faces.

"Don't worry about it too much, Matt," Brian grinned. "Nate says stuff like that all the time."

Kevin turned to look at me.

I grinned at him. "Oh stop gawking. "You're hot and you know it."

"He's got you there," Kathy agreed.

"Oh yeah," JC laughed, as Matt nodded his agreement as well.

Kevin's blush got deeper with each comment. We all turned to hear from the only one in the room who had been quiet on the topic.

"Don't look at me," Brian said, putting his hands up in front of him. "He's my cousin."

"Well, he's not mine," I reminded him. "And I can objectively say that Kevin's very attractive."

"I concur," JC said, nodding with a smile.

"We know," Kathy laughed.

"What?"

"You're the one who asked about his girth."

The shock on all of our faces was impressive. Kathy just sat there smiling at JC as he blushed.

"Excuse me?" Kevin managed to sputter.

"It was a joke!" JC said quickly, defending himself. "I was kidding!"

Kathy was clearly enjoying the commotion she had caused. "If you're going to have a roving eye, at least you've got good taste, right Kev?" She nudged him to get the shocked look off his face.

"Uh, yeah, I guess," he said, coming around.

"I don't know if I like the roving eye at all," Matt said with a smile, putting his arm around JC's shoulder.

"You were checking out his ass," JC pointed out.

"And what about staring at that clerk in Abercrombie & Fitch?" I asked him.

"What clerk would that be?" JC asked.

"I wasn't staring," Matt smiled.

"Oh no, he just happened to keep stepping into your field of view."

"You thought he was cute!"

"He was," I agreed. "But you were the one staring. I was simply buying some clothes for my boyfriend. Completely innocent."

Brian didn't buy it. "Yeah sure. I'll just bet it was completely innocent."

"I think next shopping trip these two could use a couple of chaperones," JC said.

"I think you're right," Brian agreed, "just to keep them in line."

"And keep them from buying more shirts like that one," Kevin laughed, pointing at Brian.

Matt started to laugh as well. "You should have seen the girl at the video store when she saw him, and then saw that shirt."

"Don't remind me!" Brian grinned. "I should have remembered to change before we left."

"She'll have some stories to tell her friends," Kathy laughed.

We all talked a while longer about nothing and everything. We laughed over how the media would love to get the inside scoop from the room that night. Two closeted stars with their boyfriends, and another one with his ex-girlfriend, talking about their various sexually suggestive exploits.

After a little while, Matt checked his watch and patted JC on the leg, getting up. "If we're going to eat tonight," he said, looking at us. "I'd better do something about it now." He smiled as JC started to get up to join him. "You sit back down and have fun. Catch up with these guys," he said, pushing him back down. He then turned on the smiling Kathy and informed her that she was on kitchen duty instead.

The pout immediately surfaced on her face as she stood up. Kevin also started to stand before Matt informed him that he was also to stay with us. He didn't take much convincing, but gave Kathy what I'm sure he meant to be a compassionate smile. To me, it looked more like a smirk, and Kathy returned it before she followed Matt to the kitchen.

We decided to step back out onto the porch again while we waited for them. As soon as we were settled outside again, Brian decided to get bold. "So why exactly did you guys oversleep?" he asked.

Surprised, I gave him a look that I hoped was conveying the fact that he should shut up. But when I saw the struggle to keep the smile off of his face, I realised that he knew exactly what he was doing.

The colour rose to JC's cheeks again, but he tried to keep his composure as he searched for an answer. "Matt didn't get home from the hospital until late yesterday," he said finally.

"Was he working?" Brian asked him.

"No," JC answered. He looked a little concerned. "He was having some tests done."

That didn't sound good. "Nothing serious, I hope?" I asked, wondering if maybe our visiting this week was such a good idea after all.

JC shrugged. "I'm not sure. He's been sick a little bit the last few days, but he says not to worry about it."

"But you do anyway," Brian said, looking at me and probably thinking about the time that I had insisted I was okay when I wasn't.

JC nodded. "But he seems good today. Maybe it was just the flu or something."

Kevin breathed a sigh of relief, which surprised us all into looking at him. "Sorry," he said, "but when you said he was having tests done, my mind went immediately to the worst. I thought maybe the cancer was out of remission or something."

Brian and I looked at each other in surprise. This must have been one of the things that Kevin didn't know if he could tell us about earlier on the plane. We both turned at the same time to look at JC, and saw the surprise mirrored on his own face. 'Oh shit,' I thought. 'He didn't know either.'

Kevin realised the same thing at the same moment, and immediately started apologising. "I'm sorry, JC. I thought you already knew..."

Just then, Matt stepped back out through the partially open door with a smile and a big pot of something. "Okay," he said. "I know Brian and Kevin are kind of Southern, but if you get more than a hundred miles out of Memphis, people just don't know how to barbecue, so tonight, I'm going to treat you to my famous ribs."

JC, tears in his eyes, looked at Matt in confusion and hurt. "How could you?" he asked softly.

Looking pretty confused himself, Matt cocked his head to the side a bit and answered what he thought was the question JC was posing. "I'm sure I can find something else if you don't want ribs."

JC stood and knocked the pot out of Matt's hands, sending it to the ground in a mess. "Do you really think I'm talking about the god-damned ribs?" he yelled. His hands were clenched into fists at his sides as he turned and retreated back into the house in anger.

Matt clearly didn't know what to think. He turned to look at Brian and I, but we were both still stunned by what had happened in such a short time that we just looked back at him.

Kevin got up from his seat, drawing Matt's gaze away from us. "Matt, I'm sorry," he said, coming to stand in front of him. "I think I just told him more than you wanted him to know." It took a moment, but Matt's eyes quickly cleared as he understood what was happening.

"I'm so sorry," Kevin said again, and I thought I saw a tear in his eye before Matt pulled him into a hug. Incredibly, Matt was smiling.

He said something to Kevin too low for Brian and I to hear, then patted him on the shoulder and turned to face the three of us again. "Stay here," he instructed. "I'll order something when I get back." With that, he left us as well, following JC into the house.

PART 78

"Well, that was smart," Kevin sighed, falling back into his seat on the swing.

"Come on Kev, how were you supposed to know that Matt hadn't told him?" Brian sat down beside him and offered his comfort.

Kevin wasn't comforted. He let his head fall into his hands. "I still shouldn't have said anything."

"It's not your fault," Brian insisted, putting his hand on Kevin's shoulder. "Even Matt said so. He didn't seem upset about it."

"But JC did."

"Brian's right," Kathy said, stepping out onto the porch. "Matt's not upset with you, Kev. And neither is JC."

"He's not very happy with Matt though. And that is my fault."

"No, that's Matt's fault, if it's anyone's." Kathy sat down opposite him. "He's been trying to figure out a way to tell JC about it. He should have done it before you guys got here."

"This isn't the first time that they've gotten into it, is it?" I asked, catching a look on Kathy's face.

She shook her head. "They had a bit of a fight about it when Matt first started feeling badly. Matt wouldn't tell him what was going on, and JC pushed a bit too hard. Matt wound up taking off. I finally found him running down the road at 3:30 in the morning and got him to come back."

"Is he just sick, or is it worse than that?" I asked her, afraid that I already knew the answer. It was beginning to look like our visiting couldn't have come at a worse time.

The expression on her face told us all more than her words did. "We don't know yet. That's why he went in for tests yesterday. He wanted to be sure before he talked to JC about it."

"So much for that," Kevin sighed again.

"I think Matt's pretty sure, regardless of the tests, Kevin. He was just looking for an excuse to put off telling him about it."

"What's going on?" Brian asked, looking at Kathy. "What's Matt got?"

"Hodgkin's Disease," Kathy said quietly.

"How bad is that?" I asked, then felt stupid. Any sort of cancer was bad. "I mean..."

Kathy put her hand on my arm. "I know what you're asking. I'm not sure exactly what it means if it's back. It was pretty bad the first time, though, and I know that it's worse if it comes back."

"So he's had it before," Brian concluded, looking at his feet.

Kathy nodded. "He was diagnosed while he was at school."

"Here in Memphis?" I asked.

"No. When he was diagnosed, he was studying at Harvard."

Brian whistled. "Smart cookie."

Kathy smiled briefly as she nodded. "His doctor suggested he move here to Memphis so that he could get treatment at St. Jude. Matt's grandparents owned this house, and his parents were renting it out at the time. So that's when he moved here."

"So he's not from Memphis?" I was thinking about his barbecue comment earlier.

"He's from Memphis, if he's from anywhere," Kathy said. "His father was in the military, which is where his fascination with Europe started. When he retired, they settled in Boston, but this is where his family is from, and where he spent a good portion of his life. That's where he got the drawl," she smiled. "But I met Matt in high school back in Boston."

"So you're from Boston too?" Brian asked, looking at her. "How come you moved here?"

"I transferred from the University of Florida when Matt got really bad. I came here and helped take care of him. Once I was out of school, I landed a job here, and since Matt didn't seem to be in a rush to move, I decided to stay too."

"You transferred to take care of Matt," Brian said, getting a nod from her.

"You're quite the friend." I remembered thinking earlier at the airport that Kathy was Matt's Andrea, and wondered what we had done to deserve friends like them, and whether Matt realised what he had in her.

Kathy shrugged. "By then, Matt was more like family. We'd known each other for years. I was best friends with Ashley in high school."

"Who's Ashley?" Brian looked confused.

"His wife," I guessed, remembering our conversation in the car.

"His wife?!?" Brian jerked his head up. I couldn't help but smile, even given the rather serious conversation we were having.

"You know about her?" Kathy asked me, seeing the smile. She seemed surprised that Matt would have told me about it.

I nodded. I hadn't been aware that Matt would be so secretive about it. "Matt mentioned it briefly on the way to the mall. He said that she died giving birth to his daughters."

"Daughters?" Brian shook his head as if he thought he was hearing things. This time I laughed, though it was subdued.

"Two of them, right?" I asked.

"Two," Kathy agreed. "Caitlin and Colleen. I'm not sure how much of the story Matt would want me to tell, but there were four daughters originally. Because of some complications and more than a little incompetence, Ashley and two of the girls died."

"That's horrible," Brian said, looking down at the ground between his feet once again.

"So where are they?" I asked. "I thought they'd be here when we got back, but I guess they don't live with Matt."

"Boarding school," Kathy explained. "They're two of the brightest and most beautiful kids you're liable to meet," she said proudly. I got the impression that she had been more than an aunt to them. The expression on her face was more one of motherly love than merely familial.

"They can't be very old," Brian said. "They're eleven."

"Eleven! How did they manage that?"

"Matt was fifteen when they were born," Kathy answered him. "Ashley was seventeen."

Brian was looking sadder and sadder by the moment. When he looked up at me, I patted the seat beside me, and he came to join me. "And do they know about Matt being gay?" I asked as Brian pulled his feet up beside him and leaned against my shoulder. My arm instinctively went around him.

Kathy nodded again. "They've known right from the start, basically. And they both know about he and JC being together too." The smile that came across her face as she said that seemed to eradicate the sorrow that had been there throughout our conversation. "You should have seen their faces when they came home to find NSYNC walking into their house."

Kevin and Brian smiled slightly as well, knowing full well how people reacted to them.

"How old was Matt when he was diagnosed?" Brian asked softly, as though afraid to break the suddenly lightened mood.

"Eighteen," Kathy responded, looking over at us. "That's why he was referred to the doctor at St. Jude. If he had been older, they wouldn't have treated him there."

Brian held me closer. "He lost his wife and two of his kids at fifteen, had to raise the other two, and then this happens at eighteen? How much more can he be expected to take?"

"A little more, apparently," Kevin said sadly. He had been eerily quiet during the conversation. I wondered to myself whether it was because he already knew the information, or because he was still beating himself up about telling JC about Matt's illness.

"We don't know that yet," I said, trying to retain whatever bit of optimism I had in me. "You can't assume the worst."

"But we can fear it." Kathy was clearly doing just that.

"Until we know for sure," Kevin said, coming around a little bit. I think seeing how upset Kathy was kick-started his protective instinct. "There's no use in worrying ourselves over it. Matt's strong, and he's got people around him who love him. If he has to, he'll beat this thing again."

Kathy seemed to shake herself briefly, then found her smile again, though it seemed a little forced. "You're right. Until Matt gets the test results, let's just hope for the best. Are you guys hungry? Matt told me to order some pizzas or something."

"Mmmm... pizza," Brian said. I heard his stomach give a slight rumble and smiled at him.

"What do we want on them?" Kathy asked, standing up. "Brian? What do you want?"

"Cheese," Kevin, Brian and I all answered for him.

Kathy laughed and nodded. Apparently it wasn't the first time she had had pizza with the guys. "Anything else?"

"Canadian bacon," Brian grinned, looking up at me.

"Awww," I smiled back before kissing him.

Kathy sighed and agreed. "Any other preferences?" Kevin, Brian and I shouted out just about every topping you can get on a pizza - as well as a few you couldn't - overwhelming her. "It might be easier to just ask for every combination they can think of," she joked.

We finally settled on four pizzas, each with different topping combinations just to satisfy everyone. Kathy excused herself to make the order, leaving us on the porch.

There were a few minutes of silence before anyone spoke. "Poor guy," Brian whispered. I heard him, since his head was still resting on my shoulder, but I was surprised when Kevin nodded.

"I hope he found JC," he said softly.

"You've got to stop beating yourself up about it," I told him, knowing that it was hollow advice. "I would have assumed that Matt had told him too. It seems like the kind of thing that you'd talk about when you got involved with someone."

"Some people don't like talking about their pasts," Brian pointed out, rubbing my stomach.

That one hit home, and I drew a sharp breath. Until now, I hadn't made the connection, but once I had, I understood exactly how he felt, and why he wouldn't want to talk about it.

"I'm sorry," Brian said, hearing me. "I didn't mean it as an accusation."

"I know. I just hadn't thought about it that way. Kind of makes what I had to go through seem a bit less traumatic, doesn't it?"

Brian sat up and looked at me, shaking his head. "No, it doesn't," he said adamantly. "What you went through was bad, and it left you with more than a couple of scars." His hand went to my temple, his thumb rubbing it gently. "You can't compare the two."

"But look at what he went through," I protested. "He lost three people that he loved, and almost lost himself too."

"And he had people like Kathy there for him," Kevin spoke up. "You went through it alone for the most part."

"And you lost two people that you loved, as well as almost losing yourself," Brian pointed out. "There's no comparison, Nate."

I sighed and fell silent, contenting myself with the knowledge that, in my mind at least, there certainly was a comparison to be made. Regardless of whether or not one of us had had it worse, there was certainly an understanding that I felt with Matt that I didn't think Kevin and Brian could.

Brian continued to look at me with a worried expression for a moment, then realised that I wasn't going to argue with him. He didn't look convinced that I thought he was right, but he seemed more than willing to let it go.

"I love you," he whispered even softer than before. This time, Kevin showed no sign of having heard him. I smiled as I felt Brian's lips press against my jaw.

I turned my head towards him. "I love you too. Don't ever doubt that."

Brian nestled into my shoulder a little more and fell silent. Kathy rejoined us shortly, letting us know that she had made the call and that the pizzas would be there in half an hour. We all just nodded our acknowledgement quietly, and she sat down again beside Kevin as we all fell into an easy silence.

The pizzas came a few minutes before Matt and JC rejoined us. They seemed to have talked things out, and their eyes showed evidence of both of them spending some time crying, but they were together, and there was a determination on JC's face that said that it wasn't about to change.

Matt disappeared into the kitchen to get drinks for those who wanted them, and Kevin got up to help him while we decided on a movie to watch.

Brian and I were sitting together on the couch, with him leaning back against my chest. He reached over the arm of the couch and brought out the bag that they had brought the movies home in, handing it to me.

I looked through the selections briefly and my eyes settled on one in particular. I pulled out the copy of "Brian's Song", after making sure that no one else was watching, and showed it to Brian. "I think this one might be better if it went missing," I said.

Brian hissed slightly as he drew in a sharp breath and took it from me. "No wonder Matt seemed distracted when I picked it up," he whispered. "I can't believe I rented it."

"You didn't know," I assured him. "But I don't think it would be the best viewing choice at the moment." The last thing that we needed to be watching was a movie about someone dying of cancer.

Brian nodded and stood from the couch. Rather than risk running into Matt, he casually cut through the dining room and took the movie with him. He came back just before Matt did and sat back down again. I started looking through the movies again, checking out what sort of taste my boyfriend had in videos.

"So what are we watching?" Matt said, entering the room again in what appeared to be Kevin's shirt. He joined JC on the floor and grabbed himself a piece of pizza.

Brian took the bag from me and made a decision. "The one I picked out for Nate," he said proudly, producing the cassette.

Kevin started muttering under his breath with a smile, and Matt made about the lamest joke I'd heard in a long time, which earned him a cuff in the head from Kevin. Matt turned to JC for help but didn't find any, as JC assured him that he would have hit him if Kevin hadn't.

We joked for a couple of seconds while Brian put the movie in the player and returned to his place with me, taking my hand and snuggling in.

"So what movie did you get for me?" I asked him, kissing his jaw.

"Watch and see," he said quietly with a laugh. I put my arms around him, lifting his shirt so that I could rest my hands on his stomach, and set my chin on his shoulder.

As the opening of the movie played, I recognised it immediately, though couldn't manage to bring the title to mind. I was still struggling with it when the producers did it for me. It was 'Dead Poet's Society.'

"I haven't seen this in ages," I whispered directly into Brian's ear. "It's a great movie."

What little of Brian's face I could see from my position directly beside it seemed pleased. He smiled and put his hand on my thigh as he rested more of his weight against me and got into the movie.

I thoroughly enjoyed the movie. It had been years since I had seen it, and there were parts that I had forgotten. I smiled as I watched Ethan Hawke let out a resounding yawp in the classroom, and as Nawanda painted bright red lightning bolts on his chest.

My heart nearly stopped toward the end of the movie, though, and the piece of pizza that I had been munching on almost slipped out of my hand. My appetite was completely gone, and I set the piece back on my plate and put it on the table beside me.

As I watched Neil standing in the open window of his parent's house, I remembered what was coming, and closed my eyes. The images that greeted me, though, were worse than the ones on the TV, so I opened them again and tried not to think too much about it.

By the time Neil was taking his father's gun out of his desk, I was merely trying not to let the tears fall and get Brian's attention. I turned my face away from the screen and concentrated on watching Brian's profile. I tried to take comfort from his presence, and not to think about the images that were swamping my mind.

I looked up again and thought that I saw Matt looking at me, but when I looked again, he had gone back to watching the screen, though he too seemed a little distraught by what he was seeing there.

As Neil's parents started to cry out his name, I turned my face into Brian's neck and kissed him, holding him a little tighter and no longer caring if he knew I was upset. I needed to feel him there with me. As expected, Brian noticed right away, and it didn't take him long to fill in what was happening. He turned to face me and brought his hand to my cheek.

"You okay?" he mouthed, looking me in the eye. Apparently he was satisfied with what he saw as I nodded and hugged him again, because he turned back to the movie, his hand comfortably rubbing my leg as though he knew I just needed to know that he was there.

I didn't watch much of the rest of the movie. I spent the time with my head on Brian's shoulder, eyes closed and turned into his neck.

My thoughts turned from Neil's now-ended plight to what I had been through, which made me feel guilty as I realised what Matt, and now Matt and JC, were going through. It all just seemed so overwhelming at the moment. Like there was just no way to win. No matter what sort of race you had run, there always seemed to be one last hurdle that you couldn't get over.

I felt Brian stretch under me when the credits started to roll, and looked back up. I was glad that my eyes had remained dry, since everyone was saying their goodnights, and it would have been painfully obvious if I had been crying. As it was, I'm sure that they noticed that I was subdued.

I sat there, thinking about things that I probably shouldn't have been thinking about, as Kathy and JC headed off to bed. I managed to say goodnight, but it was a half-hearted, distracted one. I looked up from a spot on the floor that I was studying to find Matt glancing at me with a concerned expression.

Not wanting to have to try and explain, I motioned for Brian to let me up from the couch, then stood and wandered to the patio door, letting myself out into the cool night air. I hoped it would help me clear my mind again.

Brian found me just after I sat down, and came to stand in front of me. "Are you ready for bed?" he asked, taking my hand.

I shook my head and pulled him into my lap. I felt the tear slipping down my cheek before I could will it to stop, and I buried my face in his shoulder and held him to me.

"What?" Brian asked gently, rubbing my back. "What's wrong? Is it the movie? I'm sorry, sweetie. I didn't know it would upset you like that."

I couldn't answer him, so I just held him tighter.

"Shhhh," he said soothingly, holding me. "It's okay."

I tried to tell him that it wasn't okay, but I couldn't manage to form the words. All of the emotion that I had experienced that day had snuck back up on me. My love for Brian, my fear and anger at what I had been through in my life, my heartache at what Matt had been through and might be going through again, and the pain and worry that I saw on JC's face when he thought about it. All of it was back, and it was very easily overwhelming me at the moment.

"Guys..." Matt started, peeking his head out the door. "What's wrong?" With my face still against Brian, I heard Matt come out onto the porch and shut the door behind him.

I felt Brian move against me and knew that he had shrugged. His hand never stopped rubbing my back.

"Nate?" Matt asked, coming closer. "Nate? What is it?"

I shook my head. "Nothing," I managed. "Long day." The writer in me rolled his eyes at the poor excuse, obviously expecting better of my creative self.

Matt stood there for a minute, then I heard him turn around. Obviously, he and Brian had had a silent conversation. "I'll see you both in the morning?" he asked quietly as he stepped back to the patio door.

Brian answered for both of us and thanked Matt. Matt didn't respond verbally, but I heard the door slide open again, then close behind him.

"You're starting to worry me," Brian whispered softly, taking my head in his hands and forcing me to look him in the eye.

That much was clear in his eyes. I closed mine and mumbled an apology.

"Don't be sorry," he said. "You don't have to apologise to me. But if you tell me what's wrong, maybe I can help."

I let my head fall forward until the top of it was resting against Brian's chest. His chin came to rest on the back of my head. "I don't really know," I whispered. "I didn't even know I was going to do this until I started."

"What were you thinking about?" he asked gently, still stroking my back.

"Us, them, me, Matt, everything."

"That's a pretty broad description," Brian said, laughing a little in an attempt to insert some levity into the situation.

"It's a pretty broad emotional range here," I said seriously. "Did you see the way Matt and JC look at each other?"

"Like you and I do," Brian said, nodding against my head.

"But there's more to it now," I answered him. "Now when JC looks at Matt, he's thinking about how they might not have much time together. And when Matt looks at JC, he's thinking pretty much the same thing. It's like they're waiting for it."

Brian sighed. "I guess you're right," he said. "Is that what brought this on?"

I shrugged. "Part of it, I guess. I was watching the movie, and then I started thinking about my own life, and I started thinking about how unfair it's always felt. That led me to thinking about how unfair Matt's life seems to have been and might be still, and how lucky I am to be here with you."

"You can't think about stuff like that," Brian said strongly. "You're here, that's all that matters."

"But what if I'm not?" I asked, looking up at him.

"What are you talking about?"

"What if, tomorrow, I was diagnosed with something? Or you were? How would we deal with that?"

"However we had to," he answered.

"But what if something happened and we couldn't be together, Brian? I don't think I could handle that."

"It won't happen."

"You don't know that!" I insisted, crying again. "I could get run over in the street tomorrow for all we know. What if something happened to break us up?"

"Nate..."

"Brian, there's no guarantees to anything," I continued. "Trust me. I've been at the point where things seemed too impossible to bear. What if we get to that point? It sneaks up on you, Brian. I wasn't strong enough then, how can I be so sure that I would be this time?"

That last surprised even me as I said it. I hadn't even known that that particular thought was running around in my head until it had found its way out my mouth.

"Don't even think that," Brian said quickly.

"I have to think it," I insisted. "I've been there before, Brian, and there's no guarantee that I won't be there again sometime."

"I'm your guarantee," Brian argued. "As long as you're with me, I won't let you go."

"But what if I'm not with you?"

"Don't say that!" Brian said. I looked up at him and felt my heart break a little more. His eyes had tears in them, just from watching me cry, and they pleaded with me to stop talking about such things. His hand was trembling slightly in mine, and I wanted nothing more than to do as he wanted, but I couldn't. "That's not going to happen!"

"We have to be realistic, Brian," I said, knowing how much it hurt him to have this conversation, but needing to have it anyway. "People break up all the time. Look at Kevin and Kathy. They probably didn't think that they'd wind up just friends hanging out together instead of a couple."

"Do you want to break up?" Brian asked suddenly, a single tear falling as he waited for my answer.

"No! No," I repeated, taking his hand. "I don't ever want to be without you."

"Then where is all this coming from?" he asked, sliding off of my lap and into the seat beside me. He reached out and took my other hand as well.

"I don't know," I said tiredly, feeling my will to have the conversation slip away a little bit. I felt like I was wearing myself down from the inside out. "I guess my emotions are just rampaging. I love you, Brian, and I don't even want to think about having to live without you, but there's a part of me that knows that you might not always be with me. I've had more than enough sure things in my life that turned to dust before my eyes."

"We're not going to be one of them," Brian whispered, kissing my hand. "You've got to have faith in that."

There it was again. Faith. Even with Kevin's rather loose definition of such, it still wasn't my strong suit. There was too much uncertainty in my mind. It was in my nature to second-guess myself and everything around me.

We sat in silence for a time, neither one of us wanting to break it. "How about we go to bed?" Brian finally asked. "Things always look better in the morning. If you still want to talk about this then, we will."

I nodded and felt relief wash over me at the thought of just getting to bed. "I'm sorry for worrying you," I apologised as we stood up.

"I told you not to apologise," Brian said. "A wise man once said that love has no debts. I happen to agree with him."

"I've never heard that, but I like it." I finally smiled. "Where did you hear it?"

Brian shrugged with a smile. "I read it somewhere. You ready to sleep with me?"

"Well, when you put it like that..." I took his hand as he opened the patio door.

There was no one to be seen. The lights were all out, and we couldn't even hear anyone moving around in their rooms. I wondered just how long Brian and I had been outside. We stumbled our way back to our room and closed the door behind us without disturbing anyone.

Brian quickly undressed us both and we climbed into the bed, Brian putting his arms around me.

There was only one thing wrong with the situation. My mind absolutely refused to stop spinning and let me go to sleep. I looked down at Brian and found him sleeping soundly. Glancing at the clock, I realised with a start that we had been in bed for over an hour already. It didn't seem that I was going to get any sleep at all.

Rolling over gently, I let Brian's hand fall from my chest to the bed, and backed out of it carefully. I tucked the blankets back in around him and stepped to the desk, deciding that I might as well put my mental activity to good use.

Turning on the computer, I managed to get the sound turned off just before it beeped at me. I waited for the desktop to appear, and then typed in the password and opened my word processor.

Scanning through the assorted files, I came across an old story fragment that I hadn't worked on in ages. I generally kept one major work going, as well as a couple of minor ones. Really just bits of story idea that grew as I worked away at them. They weren't enough to capture my attention away from the book, but came in handy when I had the time and urge to write, but was having trouble with my main project.

I realised that I didn't want to work on the book at the moment, so I opened the story and read through it quickly to see what came to me. Once I was finished reading, my mind flooded with ideas, and I started typing with a smile.

"Sweetie," Brian croaked, scaring the hell out of me.

I quickly saved the file and turned around to face him, taking the time to notice that, according to the clock, I had been writing for over an hour and a half.

He was sitting up in the bed, the blankets pooling around his waist. "What are you doing?"

"I couldn't sleep," I explained. "I decided to get some writing done."

"Hiding in the book?" He wiped at his eyes. "You're still worrying, aren't you?"

"Actually, I'm not. Not as much, anyway. But my mind wouldn't shut up, so I wanted to put it to some sort of use. I'm not working on the book, though."

"What is it?" he asked, lying across the bed so that he could see the screen.

"Just a little something that I work on sometimes." I leaned over in my chair to kiss him.

"Am I allowed to read this one?"

I thought about it for a moment, then nodded my agreement. If I wasn't ready to let him read the book, the least I could do was give him access to this story. It seemed like a good first step in eventually giving him the book as well. "You want to sit here?"

"Can I read it in the morning?"

"Sure," I smiled. "Whenever you want."

"So are you joining me again, or working some more?"

I looked at the screen and decided that I was done for the night. I quickly typed my nextnote and shut everything down, then slipped from the chair to the bed.

"Did you miss me?" I asked him as we climbed back under the covers.

"Did you miss me?" he returned.

I blushed and looked away. "The truth?"

"Of course."

"Once I got writing, I kind of forgot you were there," I said quietly with a smile.

"Oh that's nice," he said, feigning anger. I saw a slight smile as he turned over away from me.

Grinning, I cuddled up behind him and put my hand on his thigh.

"Oh you think you can make up for it now?"

"Well, right now, I'm a bit tired," I said with a smile. "But we've definitely got a date for later."

"Twice," he reminded me, taking my hand and holding it to his chest.

"See you there."

"You better," he yawned. There was a few seconds of silence as I ran my fingers lightly over his chest. My other arm was lying between us, and I started to lightly pinch his upper thigh. "Nathaniel," he whispered.

"Hmmm?" I responded, putting my head down on the pillow beside his.

"Sleep," he ordered, kicking me lightly with a laugh.

"Okie," I whispered, stilling my hands, but leaving them both where they were.

PART 79

I slept, but not well. I got about two hours, and then my eyes popped open again against my wishes. I knew that I wasn't going to get back to sleep, so I just lay there, enjoying the time with Brian resting against me.

I watched as the light crept up the walls, gradually illuminating the room.

When I heard movement in the kitchen, I carefully extricated myself from Brian's arms and pulled on a t-shirt.

Wandering out into the hall, I smelled the distinct odour of salvation and started to smile. Matt was just pouring a cup when I got to the kitchen, and greeted me with a smile.

"How you feeling?" he asked.

I knew that he was still wondering about the night before, and gave him a smile, deciding to dodge the question. "Je deteste me lever le matin."

"Me too, but you kind of get used to it when you're on call," he laughed. "JC would agree too, but he's still in bed."

I laughed. "Brian too. I get the feeling that none of us particularly like getting up in the morning."

"Coffee?" he offered, holding out a cup.

"I'll love you forever," I grinned, taking it and making him laugh.

"Don't let JC hear you say that," he warned.

"You've got to teach that boy to share."

"Who says I want him to?" he asked, arching his eyebrow. "Why don't we move into the living room until the others get up. Then we can decide on breakfast."

I shrugged and followed him from the room. I took an armchair as he settled on the couch. "So are you okay?" he asked gently, obviously afraid of intruding where he wasn't wanted.

I ran my hand through my hair and shrugged again. I had really been hoping that he would have been distracted away from the subject. "I suppose so. Things just sort of piled up on me there all of a sudden."

"You mean about what's going on with me?"

I nodded, then shook my head. "Yes and no, I guess. That was part of it, but there's more to it. I started thinking about stuff that I've been through, and how I almost didn't get through it. Then I started to wonder what I would do without Brian if something happened and we couldn't be together. Things just got a bit too much there for a minute. Sorry if I worried you."

"Don't worry about it," he said gently. "I definitely know what it's like to feel overwhelmed." There was a pause for a moment as we sipped at our cups. "I noticed that the movie last night upset you."

I nodded and took another sip. "Yeah, it did. I haven't seen that one in ages. I forgot about the part where Neil dies."

"I don't want to pry, but..."

I smiled. "Don't worry about it," I said. "There are two things that are guaranteed to get me. One of them is watching someone give up like that."

Matt nodded. "Kind of hits home for me too."

"You?" I asked, looking over at him. I knew that, if he was talking about what I thought he was talking about, I wouldn't have to elaborate.

He nodded again, confirming my suspicion. "Right after my original diagnosis. You?"

"Right after having the shit beat out of me in high school."

Matt scrunched his face, but didn't ask about it. I imagine he could put it together pretty closely on his own.

"So what stopped you?" This was one of the things that I always had to ask.

In my case, it had been luck at my father getting up early, but you would be amazed at the ways people answered. I had heard everything from basic fear of dying when it came right down to doing it to voices from god telling them not to. When he answered, I discovered that Matt fell under the luck category with me.

"My friend Rich." His eyes darkened a little as he said the name, and I guessed that there was more there than he particularly wanted to think about. "He pulled me out of the water just in time."

"My dad," I said, answering his unspoken question. "He got me to the hospital and my stomach pumped just in time." I took a moment to marvel at the conversation, and how easy it was coming. We were on equal footing, talking about something we both understood. It was almost like listening to two veterans talk about the war.

"Brian know?"

There was no way I was going to go over that whole story. "Yeah. Long story, but yeah. JC?"

"No, but I suppose he will," Matt said with a sigh. "It's hard, isn't it?"

"Unbelievably," I agreed. Our conversation sort of petered out as we were both lost in our own thoughts. After a few minutes, and about half a cup of coffee, I stood back up. "If you'll excuse me, I think it's more than time that my boyfriend saw the light of day."

Matt smiled and nodded. "See you in what? An hour?"

I laughed and shrugged. "Depends on how long he takes to get up, I suppose."

Matt arched his eyebrow and I heard him chuckling as I headed out of the room. After a quick stop in the kitchen again to refill my cup, I wandered back to our room.

Stepping inside, I saw Brian still sleeping, though he had managed to cuddle up with my pillow. It looked as though he was making a valiant effort at becoming one with it.

I took a seat on the bottom of the bed and watched him as he slept. There was something truly angelic about the way he looked, with all of the muscles in his face relaxed. His eyes twitched behind the lids, the long lashes quivering with the movement.

I sat there for a few minutes, enjoying the peaceful feeling, as well as the rush of caffeine, then decided that I wanted him awake. Going with the horribly selfish notion, I pulled the blankets out at the bottom of the bed and pulled them back, uncovering Brian's bare feet.

Running my fingernail directly down the middle of his foot, I smiled as he kicked gently, trying to get away from my hand. Moving my finger back up to the heel, I once again ran it down to his toes, making him kick a little harder.

I chuckled to myself as I started again. "One more of those and you're going to be eating my foot," Brian grumbled from the head of the bed.

"Oh but there are so much tastier parts of you," I complained, running my finger down his foot quickly and jumping up off of the bed just in time to avoid his kick.

"What time is it?" he asked.

"Too early," I said, sitting down in the desk chair and looking at him. The angelic nature was gone. Brian lifted his head and destroyed it completely. His eyes were scrunched tight against the light, and his hair was sticking up all over. The sour look on his face didn't help, either. But he was still adorable.

"Coffee," he mumbled before dropping his head down again and throwing the covers over his head.

"Got some thanks," I snickered, sipping loudly.

"Feel like sharing?" came his muffled response.

"Nope." Another loud sip.

"Fucker," he laughed.

"Excuse me?" I asked, sitting forward. I was honestly shocked to hear it. "What did you just call me?"

"You heard me," he said, throwing the covers back down and unveiling his grin. "I called you a fucker."

"You know," I said, regaining my composure. "I believe that's been your job so far."

Brian blushed. "Shut up," he laughed. "And give me some coffee."

"What do I get in return?"

"Some sugar," he grinned.

"Oooh," I said, rolling my eyes and handing him my cup.

"Thanks, sweetie," he said sweetly.

"Don't mention it, pookie," I laughed. Judging from his expression, I had just found my new pet name for him. "So what do you want to do for the next little while?"

"Is anyone else up?"

"Matt is, but I'm sure he's tucked himself away with JC by now. Apparently JC's as lazy as you are."

"You're one to talk. What are you doing up?"

"It's not that early."

"It's not noon," Brian laughed. "Which means that you're not awake of your own volition. What's the deal?"

"Couldn't sleep," I explained. "I got a few hours after I went back to bed with you, and then my eyes were open again. Too much going on upstairs, I guess."

"Still worrying?" he asked, sitting up a little and trying not to spill coffee on himself.

I shook my head, then shrugged. "I guess it's still on my mind, but I'm not as worried about it as I was last night."

"Told you things would look better this morning."

"I tend to be much more emotional at night, I guess. But I feel better this morning."

"Good."

"How about you? You get enough sleep?"

"Yeah, once you were there with me."

"Well, if you liked it so much..." I smiled, taking my mug back from him and placing it on the desk. Standing, I moved to the bottom of the bed again and burrowed under the covers beside him. I kissed my way up his legs to his stomach, stopping briefly to delve into his navel with my tongue. Continuing the journey, I finally wound up lying beside him, my lips pressed gently to that spot where the neck becomes the shoulder.

Turning my face to his, Brian's tongue found mine as he climbed on top of me, his hands working their way under the t-shirt I had put on to go out into the kitchen earlier. They came to rest on my waist, his thumbs gently caressing each of my ribs.

My hands fell to his legs, running up them until they were resting under the fabric of his boxers. Moving my lips from his, I softly kissed his neck and brought one hand up to stroke his back. The muscles worked under my touch as his hands moved around between us.

He finally sat up and jerked the t-shirt over my head, then pushed me back down and kissed me again, resting his knees at my sides and bending over me to press his lips to mine.

"I want you," he whispered when he broke the kiss.

"Really?" I asked him innocently. "I hadn't noticed." I raised my hips off of the bed a little to rub against him, eliciting a groan from him. "I mean, I know I look pretty hot in these boxers, but..."

"Okay, I'm starting to not want you now," he laughed, leaning in to kiss me behind the ear.

"You want me," I said confidently. "The question is, are you going to get me?"

"Oh, I'll get you," he said, just as confidently. His hand moved down my waist and into my boxers.

"BREAKFAST!" Kevin yelled through the bedroom door, shattering the romance instantly.

Brian collapsed on top of me with a loud sigh, his hand slipping back out of my boxers and resting on my leg. "Go away!" he yelled back. "We're busy!"

"Don't make Kathy come in there!" he warned with a laugh.

"I'm not afraid of what I'll see!" she called out.

"But Kevin," I whined loudly. I couldn't believe how bad his timing consistently turned out to be. It was like he homed in on romance just so that he could kill it. I made a mental note to mention this rather unbecoming shortfall to Carrie next time we talked.

Brian rolled off of me with a muttered curse as the two of them rattled the doorknob back and forth to show that they weren't kidding. "I don't suppose you thought to lock that," Brian said without much hope.

"Unfortunately no," I sighed. "How does he manage to do that?"

"I think he gets off on sitting outside our door and waiting until he hears us," Brian laughed.

"Maybe we should invite him in sometime," I said seductively, leaning over to bite his earlobe.

"Well, that might shut him up," Brian agreed. "But I think I'd rather keep it this way. He just might steal you away."

"No chance," I assured him with a smile.

"Brian! Nate!"

"Was I the only one hoping that they had gone away?" I asked.

"Nope," Brian answered, sitting up on the bed. "Doesn't sound like they're going to, either."

"You ready to get up?" I asked him, pulling him back down beside me.

"If I have to."

"You ready to slap the hell out of both of them?"

"In a heartbeat," he laughed.

"Count of three?" I asked, looking at him with a grin.

"One..."

"Two..."

"Three!" Brian said.

We both remained where we were and started to laugh. We were still laughing when Kathy walked into the room. She was obviously disappointed that we weren't doing anything more than lying there laughing. Hearing us, Kevin quickly followed her and stood there watching us.

"We were just getting up," Brian laughed, rolling over and burying his face in my shoulder.

"I bet," Kevin grinned, then reached over and picked Brian up. He threw Brian over his shoulder and carried him out of the room, arms and legs flailing wildly. As disappointing as it was, it did give me a nice view up the leg of Brian's boxers. "Nate, you get dressed. You're cooking."

"I am?" I asked Kathy, who was still standing at the foot of the bed.

She nodded. "Apparently Brian told Kevin that someone named Andrea told him that you made a kick-ass breakfast. You were elected in absentia."

"Great," I mused, pulling on a pair of pants. "Can you hand me my shirt?"

She picked it up from where Brian had thrown it, and gave it back to me. I pulled it on and decided that I was as ready as I was going to be before getting a shower, which didn't seem to be in the pre-breakfast schedule.

Brian was sitting, still in just his boxers, at the kitchen table. It seemed that Kevin had placated him with coffee, since there was a half-full cup sitting in front of him, though he didn't seem to be any more awake for it.

I poured the remainder out of the mug that Brian had left in the bedroom and then refilled it. "So I'm cooking?" I asked the room. Five pairs of eyes met mine and five heads nodded.

"I'm going to need a helper," I said slyly, smiling at Brian.

He smiled back and was about to speak when Kevin stepped in front of him. "I'll do it while Brian gets dressed," he volunteered with a grin.

"Can you take orders?" I asked, arching my eyebrow.

"You bet," he assured me.

"Then get out of the way, you're blocking my view," I smiled, pushing him to the side and looking at Brian again.

"What are you going to make?" JC asked with a laugh.

"Depends on what I have to work with," I answered, looking at Matt. He shrugged and told me I had the run of the kitchen. "Well, I'm not doing anything with this many people in the room," I smiled, crossing my arms.

Matt and JC both laughed and started out of the room. "Wait a minute," I said with a grin, catching their attention again. "Brian, sweetie?"

"What?"

"Does it seem fair to you that they get to be together, and you and I are so rudely separated?"

"Why no," he grinned. "That doesn't seem fair at all."

"I thought not," I said, nodding. "You and you," I ordered, pointing at Matt and Kathy. "Out of here. You," I moved my finger to Brian, "go get dressed. You and you," Kevin and JC, "get to help me."

I arched my eyebrows authoritatively, silently daring one of them to argue with me. No one did, though I noticed a couple of rueful smiles. Kathy put her arm around Matt and led him from the room, with Brian following them with a wink in my direction.

"So you decided on what you want to make us?" Kevin asked, putting me in a headlock and giving me a noogie.

"Sterile?" I asked, feigning a punch to a rather tender area of his body.

He let go of me almost immediately and started to laugh.

"You're certainly not a morning person," JC grinned, looking at me.

"You wouldn't be either if tall, dark and ugly here came in and carried Matt away from you," I pointed out, returning the smile. "Now, as for what I'm making, like I said, it depends on what Matt's got. JC, check and see how many eggs he's got." I figured that scrambled eggs would be an easy way to feed six people as quickly as possible.

"Not enough," JC reported after checking. "Unless some of us aren't eating."

I grinned. "What about maple syrup?" I asked, thinking pancakes or French toast.

JC turned back to the fridge and knelt down to look. "Here," he said, holding up a bottle of generic store-bought syrup.

I cringed slightly, then took it from him and set it on the table. "Pancakes it is then," I decided, then started searching for a bowl and a whisk.

Kevin helped me track down the utensils while I sent JC searching for ingredients. It took longer than it should have, considering that I steadfastly refused to let him go ask Matt where things were.

Once we had everything, I quickly mixed the batter and set it aside while I looked for a pan. I smiled when I saw that Matt had a great pair of cast-iron pans, and put them on the stove.

"Okay, I think I have everything in order here," I said, taking down an oven-proof dish from the cupboard and turning the oven on low.

"So we're being released?" Kevin grinned.

"You are," I smiled back, then grabbed JC's shirt as he started to turn toward the door. "But you get to stay and keep me company," I laughed. "You're on bacon duty." I handed him one of the pans and sent him back to the fridge.

Kevin made sure to laugh at JC before joining the others in the living room. JC waited until he was through the door, and then gave him the finger with a smile.

"You don't really have to stay," I assured him. "I'm more than capable of handling it from here."

"No, it's okay," JC smiled. "I don't mind at all. We haven't talked just the two of us yet."

I shrugged. "Suit yourself, though I make no claims to be interesting."

He laughed and took his position beside me at the stove as he cut into the package of bacon. "As long as I get to give the same warning," he said.

"But of course," I grinned. "What do you want to talk about?" I asked, ladling some batter into the pan.

He thought about it for a second, then smiled. "Lance?"

I laughed, which left my pancake looking less perfect than it could have. "I don't think we're allowed to talk about Lance."

"So you'll stare at other men with my boyfriend, but you won't even talk about them with me?" he asked, cocking his head to one side. "That hardly seems fair."

I rolled my eyes. "How about you tell me about the first time I met Brian," I asked him. "Brian's version, that is."

He smiled and started to place bacon in the pan. He talked for a few minutes, telling me how Brian had described it. About half-way through the story, I realised that Brian's creativity rivalled my own. His version of the story, though entirely made up, was incredibly detailed, and as JC had already commented, perfect. I reminded myself to congratulate him on it later.

"And that's when Kevin ruined it all by telling me what really happened," JC concluded as I flipped another pancake.

"Which is a somewhat less glamorous story, eh?" I said with a slight smile, looking at him out of the corner of my eye.

"Whoever said love was glamorous?" he responded. His smile was there, but there was something in it that didn't sit well with me. He looked back to the pan before I turned to face him fully.

"You want to talk about it?" I asked gently. JC looked back up at me, but didn't say anything. His face was almost entirely devoid of emotion. In my experience, it was a face that didn't occur naturally. It was the one you used when you were trying not to betray your thoughts. "It's okay," I said, turning my attention back to the pan in front of me. I removed the pancake from the pan and placed it with the others in the oven to keep it warm. "Didn't mean to pry."

"It's not that," he said, frowning slightly. "I was just thinking that you're too much like Matt."

"Oh that's nice," I laughed.

"No, that's not what I meant. It's just that he's always doing that same thing. Picking up on things, like he's reading my mind."

I shrugged. "Brian and Kevin have mentioned that a couple of times, too. I guess it's an occupational hazard. Matt's got to be able to read people in order to do his job well, and I make a living making up people. I try to pay attention to what's around me."

JC nodded. "Well, just so you know, it's a little disconcerting," he smiled.

"So I've been told," I agreed. "Although, given the circumstances, I don't think it takes a mind-reader to know what you're thinking about. It would be weird if you weren't, I think."

JC sighed and put the last of the bacon in the pan. "I guess it would. I just wish he had told me about this sooner."

"He was scared," I said, drawing on personal knowledge. "Maybe he didn't think he could handle telling you yet."

"Maybe he didn't trust me to stay," JC answered.

"Maybe," I agreed.

"He told you how we met, and how long ago?"

I nodded. "He told me. I'm sorry, by the way, about your loss." JC nodded his appreciation, but didn't say anything. "If you want my honest opinion," I continued, "Matt would be a fool not to wonder if your relationship was strong enough to get through this. I'm not saying that it isn't, but you haven't been together very long. It wouldn't be natural for him not to think about it."

"Especially after last time," JC muttered. I didn't think he even noticed that he had spoken aloud, so I didn't respond. He looked up from the stove with a hurt yet contemplative expression. "He's already been doubting it," he confessed. "This week, I overheard him telling Kathy that he thought I might just be with him because he saved my life."

"Florence Nightengale Syndrome," I said, nodding. "The thought occurred to me as well."

JC smiled a little. "You two are too much alike. But you've got to believe me, Nate. I love him. I know that it seems like too short a time to say that, but I do."

I put my hand on his arm. "I can see that," I said. "Like I said, the thought occurred to me, but any fool can see that you care for him. Even Kevin could see that, and he's the biggest fool I know," I said, making him laugh.

"But does Matt see it?" And there was the real question.

"I don't honestly know," I admitted. "But you're still here, right? That's got to show him something."

"I hope so," he sighed, scooping the last pieces of bacon out of the pan and turning the burner off. He set the plate aside and then jumped up on the counter. I grabbed his foot and yanked him off again.

"Toast," I ordered with a smile.

He snapped a nice salute and went looking for the bread. "So how come you're so knowledgeable about this stuff?" he asked.

"I'm not," I smiled. "I just like to hear myself talk."

He frowned slightly and retrieved the question I had so expertly deflected.

"Touchy subject?"

I shrugged. "Sort of. Matt's not the only one with a past to deal with. Brian and I went through something like this, though not quite as bad."

"I'm sure Brian doesn't see it that way," JC pointed out.

"You're right, he doesn't."

"But you two made it through," he said.

I nodded. "Yeah, we did."

"So how did you do it?"

I poured the last of the batter into the pan and set the bowl in the sink, running water into it and determining to make someone else wash up. "That's Brian's doing," I said, turning back to face him. "No matter how much I pushed him away, he refused to go. We fought about it, and I finally left to get away from everything and figure things out, but he was still there."

"You left him?"

I nodded again. "You remember last night, when I mentioned being in that club in Santa Fe? When that guy asked me to dance?"

"Yeah," he said, nodding. "Then you said that you and Brian had been fighting that night."

"That was the night I left. Once we got back to the hotel, I made Brian sleep in his room with Nick instead of our room. I did a lot of thinking, and I realised that I wouldn't be able to handle everything if I stayed with him. I left to figure some things out so that we could be together again. But he didn't go away."

"Even after you left?"

"He flew to Toronto as soon as he figured out where I was," I smiled, remembering his sudden appearance in the cemetery. "It was the sweetest thing, and that was the moment that I knew he loved me. We'd said it, of course, but that was when I really knew."

JC returned the smile, though his had a bit of sadness mixed in. "So how do I make him realise how much I love him?" he wondered aloud.

I took the plate out of the oven and set the last pancake on it. "You show him." It seemed so simple when you said it like that, but that was really all there was that he could do. "No matter how much he tries to push you away, no matter what he says, be there. I know that's hard because of your schedule, but being there doesn't always mean being in the room holding his hand."

"And if that's not enough?"

"Then you find a bit more to give him." Another simple sentence. I took the plate of toast that he had been making and grabbed the bacon plate as well, heading for the dining room. "I'm not saying it's easy, JC," I said, turning back to face him. "And I'm not guaranteeing that it will work, either, but it's what I needed."

JC nodded and picked up the pancakes. "Thanks," he said as we left the kitchen together.

"That's what I'm here for," I told him with a smile. "Well, that and apparently to serve as kitchen bitch."

JC laughed as we reached the dining room. Matt was there almost immediately, coming up with more household titles for me. JC offered to go back to the kitchen for the syrup (or what was passing for it in Matt's house, anyway), butter, and coffee. I was assigned the task of rounding up the strays and getting them to the table before the pancakes got too cold to be appetising.

Poking my head into the living room, I found them all engrossed in the TV, which appeared to be showing Sesame Street. I grinned and walked up behind Brian's chair. Reaching out, I stroked his hair back from his forehead to get his attention.

"Anyone here hungry?" I asked the room with a smile, motioning to the dining room.

"For food?" Brian asked, grinning up at me and taking my hand.

"Well," I answered him. "I suppose we could be late for breakfast."

"Get your asses in there," Kevin laughed, spanking me on his way by. "You've got lots of time for that later."

"Have you ever noticed how people always say that, and then interrupt us later too?" I asked Brian, pulling him out of the chair.

He nodded and put his arm around my waist as we walked into the dining room. At least they were being gracious enough to allow us to sit together for breakfast. Brian and I were the last ones to the table, but they had left two seats for us.

We got there just in time to hear Kathy say something about having slept with Kevin, and Kevin's shocked reaction. Brian assured him that none of us were particularly surprised by her admission, and we pushed past him on our way to the table.

There was an empty seat beside Matt, but I assumed that JC would be taking it when he got off of Matt's lap. Kathy finished adjusting her clothes, then announced that she was taking off for work.

After I slaved over a hot stove? After she was one of the ones dragging Brian and I out of bed? I think not. "Not going to eat anything?" I asked her sweetly, being sure to let just a bit of hurt slip into my voice for effect. "Breakfast is the most important meal of the day."

Perhaps realising a few of my thoughts, she grabbed a piece of toast off of the table and took a big bite, then smiled at me. It was hard to be upset at a crazy woman with a grin full of toast. "There, Martha Stewart, are you happy?" she asked, chewing.

I rolled my eyes as Kathy leaned over and gave Kevin a kiss on the cheek. She proceeded around the table giving one to everyone until she came to me. When I looked into her eye, I knew she was up to something.

"I guess I probably don't know you well enough to kiss you," she said, giving me a serious look. Then she reached out and put both hands to the side of my head, tilted it a little, and planted one right on my lips as everyone else in the room laughed. "What the hell?" she grinned, then spun herself around and was out the door.

No one spoke for a few seconds. I shook my head slightly and turned to face Matt, asking if she was always like that.

Kevin and Matt both assured me that she wasn't, then Kevin elaborated and told me that sometimes she even acted strangely, which made me smile. She really was a lot like Andrea.

Kevin started to pass food to everyone, and we dug in. "Looks good," he said, stabbing a couple of pancakes and putting them on his plate.

"Good?" I said, prompting him.

"Looks wonderful," he tried, watching me. I smiled and nodded, and he reached for the artificially maple-flavoured liquid. I bypassed the pancakes and went immediately for the bacon sandwich instead. Brian saw this and pouted until I handed it to him and started making another one. He set it on the edge of his plate to keep it out of the syrup, then dropped his hand to my knee, squeezing it in thanks.

I gave him a wink and went back to my sandwich, noticing that JC was watching me. "What?" I asked him around a mouthful of toast, bacon, and ketchup.

"Nothing," he said, raising an eyebrow. Turning his attention back to his plate, he cut himself another piece of pancake.

I smiled and continued eating.

We managed to pretty much clean up the food by the time we were full. Everyone seemed pleased with the meal, and I was starting to think that I should have tried to disappoint them. I got the distinct impression that I would be put on breakfast duty again.

Brian picked up the last piece of bacon and held it out to me. Leaning forward, I ate it out of his hand. As I chewed, I put my fingers under his chin and pulled his face to mine. Just before we got too close for him to see it, I stuck my tongue out with the chewed-up bacon on it.

Brian grimaced and pulled his face away out of my hands. "That's gross," he said. "You just keep that tongue to yourself."

"You'll change your tune," I said confidently with a sly smile, making the others laugh.

"That's what you think."

"Well then, I guess you'll have to use a napkin to get that syrup off of your face," I said.

While he turned toward Kevin to find out if I was kidding him, I ran my finger through a little puddle of syrup he had left on his plate. Kevin just smiled at him, seeing what I had done, and told him that there was indeed syrup on his face.

"Where is it?" Brian asked, turning back to me.

"Right here," I said, running my finger down between his eyebrows and to the tip of his nose. Brian scrunched up his face at the feeling of having the sticky liquid spread on his face. I brought my finger all the way around his lips, forming a circle around them.

I put my finger to my lips and licked the remainder of the syrup off of it, smiling at Brian all the while.

"I'll get you for that," he promised, looking for his napkin.

"Right here at the table?" I asked, feigning shock. "I hardly think that's appropriate behaviour when you're a guest in someone's house."

Brian slapped my arm and grabbed my napkin, using it to wipe at the mess on his face. "I'm going to be sticky all morning now," he complained.

I wasn't going to touch that one with a ten foot pole, and it didn't look as though any of the others were going to take him up on it either, though they were all thinking it, I'm sure.

We chatted for a few more minutes, and then Matt announced that he was going to go for a run. Kevin quickly invited himself along. I had just started thinking that Brian and I might get a bit of that alone time after all, but JC, showing a rare lack of interest in spending time with Matt, opted to go back to bed instead.

"Oh, no, you aren't. You're going too," Matt said.

JC started pouting dramatically, once again stating his desire to go back to sleep. Matt leaned in and whispered something into JC's ear that instantly turned the pout into a grin, and he readily agreed to go running.

Which, in turn, returned the smile to my face. Matt noticed and pulled me over to whisper in my ear. I had just enough time to wonder if he was going to say whatever he had to JC, which expanded my smile, when he started to whisper. "Don't get too excited there, Shakespeare." I rolled my eyes at the title. "We'll have to come home to get cleaned up before we can go out again."

Figuring that since he obviously already knew what was on my mind, I could afford to be a bit daring, I grinned and pulled him back over to whisper in his ear. "That's okay. I can at least get a quickie to hold me over."

Matt started to laugh as Brian grabbed my arm and pulled me toward him, complaining that everyone was whispering without him.

"Jealous, are we?" Matt grinned. I knew he was up to something. "I was just telling them what a hot three-way you and your cousin would make."

As expected, his comment made both cousins blush deeply. Brian's jaw hit his chest and I started to laugh. Reaching over, I shut Brian's mouth and winked at him, making him smile, thought the blush stayed.

Matt, Kevin, and JC all left the room to change. When they got back, Brian and I had moved to the couch to let our breakfasts digest a little bit. "The house is yours," Matt said with a knowing smile on his way out the door.

As soon as the door was shut behind them, Brian moved himself into my lap. "So what are we going to do with a whole house all to ourselves?" he purred, settling with his knees on either side of me.

"We could watch a movie?" I suggested with a smirk.

"We could make a movie," he responded, slipping his hands under my shirt.

I looked at him in surprise, then started laughing. "I didn't know you were into that sort of thing. But I think I left the movie camera at home."

"Pity. Well, we'll just have to save that for another time. I think the first thing we need is a change of scenery." He leaned in and rested his forehead against mine.

"What did you have in mind?" I had a pretty good idea what his answer was going to be.

"The bedroom's a pretty nice room," he suggested.

"I love the way you think," I grinned, kissing his neck. He climbed off of me again and pulled me off of the couch, putting his arms around my waist. As he did, I glanced into the dining room and noticed all of the dishes. What Andrea called my 'gay gene' kicked in, and all I could think about was how hard it was going to be to clean those dishes if they sat on the table for the rest of the morning. "Sweetie, how about you go ahead, and I'll be there in a minute?"

"What are you going to do?"

I knew how idiotic it was going to sound, but those dishes were really bugging me. "I'm going to just quickly clear the table, and then I'll be right there. You ever tried to get syrup off a plate that's been sitting for a while?"

"You're going to do dishes?" he asked incredulously, trying to keep a smile off of his face.

"No, I'm just going to put the plates in the sink to soak," I assured him.

"I'll help."

"You don't need to. I'll only be a couple of minutes. You go ahead."

He released me, shaking his head in confusion as I stepped toward the dining room feeling like the stupidest man alive. I had traded a few precious moments with Brian just to soak some dishes.

He started to laugh as he turned toward the bedroom, and I picked up the first plate.

He was back within a minute, holding out my cell phone. "Carrie," he said simply, taking the plates out of my hand.

"Hello?" I smiled, watching him disappear into the kitchen.

"Nate?"

"Yeah, it's me."

"You know, the great thing about cell phones is that you can carry them with you," she commented.

"Yeah yeah," I laughed. "I was sort of surprised into having to get dressed this morning. Now, was there something you wanted, or did you just call to pester me?"

"Hey, pestering you is my job."

"And you're so good at it too," I returned, standing behind Brian as he re-entered the room and putting my hand on his shoulder. He looked up at me with a smile and waved at the phone. "And Brian says hi."

"Back at him," she laughed. "So things are good for you two?"

"Perfect," I said, smiling into those blue eyes. I held his gaze as I ran my fingers through that same little puddle on his plate again. "Though he's got a strange habit of wearing half his breakfast," I laughed, running my hand down his cheek and creating that same scrunched-up expression on his face as earlier.

"What?"

"Nothing," I said, backing slowly away from him. He advanced on me, making me back up further until my back was against the wall. He reached out and plucked the phone from my hands.

"Carrie? Yeah, he's going to have to call you back," he said. He got some response from her that made his smile even bigger, then flipped the phone shut.

"You are so dead," Brian said, grabbing at my shirt. I dodged to the side and took off running for our room, laughing all the way.

"You're only making this harder on yourself," he called as he followed after me.

"Promises promises!" I yelled behind me, and heard him laugh. I reached our room and threw the door closed behind me. Looking around, I cursed Matt for not giving a thought to hiding places when he decorated. I could hear Brian coming down the hall, and in a last ditch effort, dove under the bed.

I settled myself just as the door opened, and I saw his bare feet enter the room. "Nate," he called sweetly as he walked inside carefully. I watched as he stopped inside the door, presumably to check behind it, then came further into the room.

He checked in the closet, and then stopped at the foot of the bed and stood there, looking around. I had been sure he would have found me right away. Under the bed was, after all, the most common hiding place in the known universe.

Instead of looking under there, he walked back to the door and threw it open, checking the hall to make sure I hadn't tricked him into thinking that I had gone into our room. I mentally kicked myself for not thinking of doing exactly that and backtracking to the dining room again.

I heard him sigh, and heard the bed give as he sat down on it, his feet dangling over the end of it. I turned myself around under the bed until I was facing his feet, then stretched my hands out gently until they were almost touching him.

Lunging forward as best I could, I grabbed hold of his feet. "Bah!" I yelled, already laughing.

Brian yelled and jumped, jerking his feet free. I heard the springs above my head as he landed on the bed again. The only sound to be heard once he had landed was me giggling as my mind supplied me with the image over and over again.

Brian suddenly appeared at the end of the bed, on his hands and knees and looking right at me. "You're in so much trouble," he said, smiling.

"Are you going to spank me?" I asked with a grin.

"Nope," he said, shaking his head.

"Then I'm not coming out," I laughed, backing up as far as I could so that he couldn't reach me. I turned my legs to the side as well as I could, getting as close to the wall as humanly possible.

"Then I'm just going to have to come in there and get you," he smiled, lying down on his stomach. He squirmed his way under the bed after me, his arms stretched out in front of him.

I slapped at his hands as they reached me, trying to grab onto my shirt. I hooked my foot between the bedpost and the wall and grabbed his arms, dragging him further under the bed with me. As soon as he got close enough, I pulled his face to mine and kissed him, licking lightly at the syrup still on his lips. He was still sticking out from under the bed from mid-thigh down, but he didn't seem to mind.

"Am I still in trouble?" I asked him, stealing another quick kiss.

"Oh yeah," he laughed. "You haven't seen anything yet." He pulled me to him again.

"Promises promises," I repeated as our lips met.

"Don't move," Brian warned, putting his hand out. He slid back out from under the bed, grabbed something off of it, then rejoined me.

Brian flipped open my phone and hit a speed-dial button, then put it to his ear and put his finger to my lips to tell me to be quiet. I sucked his finger into my mouth instead.

"Hi Carrie," he said, wiggling his finger. "Yeah, I caught him," he laughed. "Not yet, but I will. What was it you needed? Well, he's sort of occupied at the moment," his finger continued to move back and forth in my mouth, carefully avoiding going far enough to gag me. "Oh... okay, I guess... no, it's all right Carrie... yeah, don't worry about it. We've got a week, right? Yeah... I'll tell him and make sure he does it... Have I ever let you down? Okay. I'll make sure he calls if there's a problem... Yeah... you too... bye."

Brian flipped the phone closed again and slid it back out under the bed. He didn't look too happy. I took his hand and removed his finger from my mouth. "What did she want?"

Brian sighed. "Apparently, there are a bunch of revisions for you to work on on the pages that you've sent her so far. She emailed you about them this morning, and she needs them done right away."

"You've got to be kidding me."

He shook his head. "She said that her boss is taking a personal interest in the book, because he wants to make sure you're happy and that you and Carrie are working together well."

I groaned. "Because I got rid of Pete."

Brian nodded again. "Maybe it would be better if I went with the guys this afternoon and let you work."

"No," I said, taking his hand again. "Don't leave."

"But you've got to work."

"I'll be damned if I'm going to waste the entire afternoon working on revisions. I'll give them a look over, and get started on them, but we're going to have some time for just the two of us."

"Nate..."

"Don't argue, just kiss me," I laughed, putting my lips to his. It was a little awkward, kissing him upside down, but not at all unpleasant.

Brian looked around us when we parted again. "One thing you've got to say for Matt. He keeps the dust bunnies away."

I glanced around and nodded. There wasn't a dust bunny to be seen. Then I started to wonder what it looked like under my bed at home. I didn't think I'd even looked under there since I had moved in. My eye caught on something near my foot, and I kicked it up far enough to see what it was. I started to laugh as I showed the copy of 'Brian's Song' to him.

"It was the only place I could think of on short notice," Brian grinned.

I nodded my approval, then put the movie back, reminding myself to get it out later, or Matt would eventually find himself with one hell of a late charge.

"Sweetie?"

"Yes pookie?"

"As much fun as this is, I'd rather be on the bed with you."

I laughed again. "Well, we can't always get what we want, now can we?"

"We can if we're persuasive enough," he argued, wiggling back out from under the bed and standing up. I watched his feet move to the door and close it, then heard the lock click as well. He was chuckling as he came to stand at the foot of the bed again. "And I can be very persuasive." As I watched, Brian's pants fell to the floor, then were quickly joined by his shirt. "Though if you don't want to come out from under there, I guess that's up to you," he said as his boxers landed on top of his pants and he climbed out of them and onto the bed.

I grinned to myself and rolled over, pulling myself out the side of the bed and sitting up. He was wrapped in the blankets again with a huge grin on his face. "I'm cold," he whispered.

"I'm hot," I answered him.

"Care to help me warm up?"

"Thought you'd never ask," I laughed, climbing completely out from under the bed and pulling my shirt off. Those dishes were just going to have to sit there.

PART 80

We were lying in each other's arms when we heard the front door open again.

We could hear them talking in the front room for a few moments, but couldn't make out what they were saying. A few minutes later, a shower turned on, and then another shortly after that.

I looked at Brian, who's eyes were half-shut, and smiled. "You suppose we should go out and say hello?"

He nodded and kissed my chest. "I guess so, but they're showering now, so we have a few more minutes. Let's just stay here."

"Sounds like a plan." I ran my hand lightly down his back, then trailed one finger back up his side and to his temple before running my fingers through his hair.

We stayed there for another few minutes, until one of the showers cut off. Then we dragged ourselves out of bed and gathered up our clothes again. I was just finishing up the buttons on my shirt when we heard two screams coming from the bathroom. Brian's head shot up, his eyes locking with mine for a split second before we both ran for the bedroom door.

We met JC in the hall, looking just as surprised as we were. JC grabbed the door handle and threw it open. What we found shocked us much more than the screams had.

Matt was wearing just his robe, and Kevin was just finishing wrapping a towel around himself, and both were bright red. I grinned, realising what must have happened, and tried to keep my composure as Brian and JC started to laugh, leaning against the door frame for support. Kevin and Matt looked like they were trying to come up with something to say, but both remained silent.

Fearing that I would soon lose control like the fools beside me, I grabbed them both and pulled them back out into the hall again, closing the door behind us. I led them both into the living room, where they continued to laugh, tears running down their faces.

Matt emerged a few seconds later, still blushing, and warned Brian and JC that they faced serious bodily harm if they embarrassed Kevin any more than he already was. That pushed me over the edge, and I fell onto the couch, finally letting the laughter come. The very notion that Kevin would be able to get away without any further embarrassment was ludicrous. The same went with Matt. Especially after Kathy found out about it. And since the warning didn't apply to me, I would make sure that she did. Thinking that only made me laugh harder.

By the time I could manage to calm myself down again, Brian was sitting beside me on the couch, and JC and Matt were both gone.

"JC's showering, Matt's changing," he explained.

"You're not going to go and jump into the shower with JC, are you?" I asked, smirking.

"No," he grinned. "But I am going to go get something else to eat. I'm hungry again." With that, he gave me a kiss on the cheek and got up, disappearing in the direction of the kitchen.

I lay back on the couch, flipping over onto my stomach and letting my arm hang over the side, thinking about how much I didn't want to do those revisions. But, Carrie would catch the flak if I didn't, so I promised myself that I would get a good start on them during the afternoon. I wasn't going to spend all afternoon on them, but I would at least get organised so that they wouldn't seem so daunting.

I sighed as Brian came back into the room carrying a bowl of cereal. I started to lift my legs up to give him somewhere to sit, but he motioned them back down and dropped to the floor in front of me instead, resting his back against the couch. "What's wrong?"

"Nothing. Just don't particularly want to do those revisions."

"What happens if you don't?"

I looked over at him. "Then Carrie's boss probably thinks that either I don't like her comments and I'm not entirely happy with her, or he thinks that she doesn't have any control over her author. Either way, it looks bad for her."

"Then you're going to do them this afternoon, right?"

I nodded. "I'm going to start them. See what she wants and get my notes together. Then I'll call her later and go over it with her. While we're talking about it, I'll see exactly when she needs them. How hard I work on them depends on that."

"Guess you don't need a distraction then," he smiled, looking back at me.

I pulled my hand back up onto the couch and started to play with his hair gently, running the fingers over the back of his head. "You're always a welcome distraction. And if you even think about going anywhere, I'll throw the whole book out the window." He grinned. "Besides, you've got a story of your own to read, remember?"

His eyes lit up when he remembered, and he nodded, then looked confused. "But don't you need the computer to work on the revisions?"

Yes. Yes I did. I thought about that for a minute, and then got an idea. "I'll see if Matt's got a computer around here that I can use. As long as the word processors are compatible, there's no problem. I keep a backup copy of the book on disk, so I can use that while you read."

He smiled again and started in on the cereal as Matt came back into the room. He was just finishing tucking in his shirt when he caught sight of us. Looking from my sprawled position on the couch to Brian, he laughed. "Eating again?"

"I'm a growing boy," Brian said, smiling up at him.

I tried to resist the temptation. I really did. But in the end, I just had to comment. "And he worked up quite an appetite." Brian's grin broadened as he nodded.

For some reason, Matt wasn't interested in the details.

Brian swallowed again and piped up. "What? You shower with my cousin but a little innuendo is going to embarrass you?" I smirked at Matt and went back to playing with Brian's hair.

"Eat your damn cereal," Matt told him, trying not to smile.

I'm sure that Brian would have said something back, but he'd just taken another bite, so his mouth was occupied. Matt took a seat in one of the chairs just as Kevin emerged wearing more than he had the last time we had all seen him. I fought the urge to take advantage of my not receiving a warning from Matt about embarrassing him. In the end, I decided that I wanted to retain my warning-free status until I could talk to Kathy.

"So where to now?" Brian asked, looking at Matt.

"I thought I'd take them down to Tunica."

I didn't even know Tunica existed. "Where?"

"It's in Mississippi, about half an hour or so from here. It was probably the poorest region in the country until the casinos moved in about ten years ago, I guess."

Brian expressed some interest, though I wasn't sure if casinos were really the scene for me. Matt assured us both that, should we decide we wanted to take a look, they were always open for business. JC walked in, shaking his head quickly to get some water out of it and making Brian and I laugh.

"I'm ready," he announced to the room.

Matt smiled and ordered him back into the bathroom to dry his hair before they went anywhere.

"Yes, mother," JC mumbled through a smile as he turned around again.

We laughed, watching him go, and then started talking again.

Kevin arched his eyebrow. "So what did you two do while we were running?" His eyes dared us to give him anything he could use to embarrass us when we inevitably turned against him about being in the shower with Matt.

"Well," I said, determining not to give him any more ammunition than I could help. "We sat out here on the couch for a few minutes, and then I decided to put the plates in the sink to soak."

"Then your girlfriend called and interrupted," Brian chipped in. "Dumped a bunch of work on my boyfriend, too."

"You talked to Carrie?" Kevin asked, and I noticed a look pass between him and Matt. I started to wonder what had gone on during their run.

Brian nodded. "She called while Nate was putting stuff away. Then I called her back, and she gave Nate a bunch of revisions to do on the book." He looked puzzled, obviously noting the look between them as well. "Why?"

"No reason. So why didn't she just tell Nate about the revisions the first time she called?"

Brian blushed slightly and glanced up at me. "We got distracted."

I saw Matt's grin expand. "Gotta hate distractions."

I arched my eyebrow. "You've got to start working on getting better distractions, then," I told him, rubbing Brian's shoulder.

"I think I do a pretty good job," JC laughed as he rejoined us. Taking his cue from Brian, he sat down in front of Matt and rested his back against the front of the chair.

"So you're working all afternoon?" Matt asked me, running his fingers through JC's hair to make sure that it was dry enough to suit him. "Does that mean the Brian's going to be joining us?"

Brian looked at me, giving me one last chance to change my mind. "No," I said, "he's not. He's got his own stuff to do. Actually, I wanted to talk to you about that. You don't happen to have a computer around here that I can borrow, do you?"

"Sure. Why?"

"Because Brian's got some reading to do, and I have to get started on these revisions. We both need the computer."

"Brian gets to read the book?" Kevin asked, looking surprised.

"Yep," Brian said smugly.

I flicked him in the side of the head lightly. "No, he's not getting to read the book. It's another story that I have on the go. I was working on it a bit last night, and he wanted to read it, so I'm going to let him."

Kevin smiled at me, then at his cousin. He knew that it was another step in the relationship for me to let Brian read anything that I was working on.

I returned the smile.

"So he's staying here with me, and then we're going to spend some time alone after he's done reading. I should be able to get a good start on the revisions that way, and he's occupied so I don't get any more of those fabulous distractions."

"Can we get a spare key to the house, too?" Brian asked suddenly. "In case we decide to go out anywhere." I got the feeling that he was planning another distraction already.

"Sure can," Matt said, standing. "I'll go and get them both." He disappeared for a couple of minutes, then returned with the computer, which he sat in one of the vacant chairs, and gave the key to Brian, who slipped it into his pocket.

"On that note," Matt announced, "why don't we let you two get to it?"

I saw Brian blush as JC and Kevin started to laugh. So much for his big talk about not letting a little innuendo get to you. I smiled at that, then nodded to Matt to let him know that I understood what he meant. Well, maybe a little bit to encourage him on his way out the door.

Matt grabbed JC and Kevin my the arm and pulled them toward the door. The three of them shouted goodbyes as it snicked shut behind them. Almost immediately, Brian was laying his head back and smiling at me.

"Does that mean that I actually have to work?" I asked him.

"I think so."

"Damn."

"Uh huh." He ate the last spoonful of flakes and started to drink the milk from the bowl. That was a scoldable offence in my house growing up. I had always wondered what my mom had had against it.

Brian proceeded to show me. Leaning his head back, he got ahead of his ability to drink, and a trail of milk escaped around the side of the bowl. It dribbled down to his chin as he lowered the bowl again with a smile.

"C'mere," I whispered, sliding off of the couch. Leaning in, I ran my tongue along his jaw to his chin, then up to the corner of his lips before slipping it past them and into his mouth, cleaning up his mess much the same way he had cleaned the pizza off of me in Santa Fe.

"Thanks," he grinned, moving in for another brief kiss.

"Anytime." We sat for a moment, just looking at each other. "I don't suppose you've got another one of those distractions up your sleeve?"

"Sorry," he said, smiling. "I'm on recharge."

I rolled my eyes and stood up, offering him my hand. "Then I guess we better get working."

He grabbed his bowl and took my hand. "Soonest begun, soonest done."

"I can't wait to read it," Brian said as we got back to the room.

I set Matt's computer on the bed and turned back to my own, which was still sitting on the desk. I decided to let Brian use mine, and I'd transfer the file I needed to Matt's to work. Brian really seemed eager to read a work in progress. I sighed as I switched on the computer. "It's not much," I warned him. "I haven't even written anything on it in weeks until last night."

"I don't care," he said, sitting down on the edge of the bed while we waited for the desktop to appear. "As long as I get to read it before the world."

"Well, that shouldn't be a problem," I grinned. "Since the world will never see it at all."

"So much the better," Brian said, shifting to the desk chair. I claimed his recently vacated spot on the bed, enjoying the little bit of his warmth that had become trapped in the mattress and blankets.

"I put a link to it on the desktop." I pointed to it as I turned Matt's computer on.

"Awww," Brian said, as I heard the mouse double click. I had called the link 'I love you', and set it in the centre of the screen.

"Yeah yeah." I reached over to grab my disk backup copy of the book out of my computer bag. I put it into the computer and called it up, then checked my email to find out what revisions Carrie had sent.

I worked away as Brian read. Carrie had had some very good insights into what I had sent her. A few of her suggestions were things that I was planning on working into the story at a later point, and I noted them to mention when I emailed her with my thoughts.

There were a few questions and suggestions that I hadn't even thought of, but really liked. I smiled as I noted them in my folder and went through the story, fixing things here and there where I agreed with her comments. Where I didn't agree, I placed a star beside them so that I could talk to her about them. Not that I was going to refuse, but I needed some clarification on what it was she was after.

I'm not sure how long it took Brian to get through what I had of the story so far, but my guess would be at least an hour and a half. I had gotten a fairly good start on the revisions when I felt the bed shift as he sat down beside me. I saved the file to disk and looked at him.

"So?" I asked, trying to sit up straighter.

Brian put his hand on my forehead and pushed me back down. All the way down, actually. He moved the computer from in front of me, setting it on the desk chair instead. "It's great," he said, kissing my nose.

"Is that your unbiased opinion?"

"Of course. I really liked it."

"I'm glad. It's yours."

"What?"

"When I'm done, it's yours. Dedicated to you, if you like. Whatever, I'm going to write it for you now."

"Can we let the other guys see it when it's done?" he asked, nuzzling my neck.

I shrugged. "That's up to you. It's your story."

"I don't think I'll show them," he laughed, putting his arm around me. "I'll keep it between you and me."

"I like things between you and me."

"Really?" he asked with a smile. "I kind of like it when there's nothing between you and me."

"Well, that's good too," I agreed, pulling him into a kiss.

"So how are you doing with the stuff Carrie sent?" He lay down beside me and put his hand on my stomach. The hand moved ever-so-slightly, just enough to keep me from being able to think clearly.

"Um, they're pretty good, I think. There are a couple of things that I need to go over with her, and some stuff that I'm going to save until I'm further into the book, but the rest looks good. It's going to take me a while to sift through it all and make sure that I get everything changed around properly, but it's nothing I haven't done before."

"You need a break?"

"You fully charged?"

Brian grinned and kissed me again. His hand slipped under my shirt and continued to rub my stomach. "I was actually thinking about going for a walk. Matt's neighbourhood looked nice when we were driving through it yesterday."

A walk sounded like just the thing. I smiled and sat up, pulling him up with me. "Let's go."

He grinned. "Okay, but if Carrie asks, it was your idea. I promised her that you'd work."

"I'll take my phone with me, and if she calls, I'll just tell her I'm working outside."

"You're so devious," he laughed, giving me a hand off of the bed.

"That's me."

I shut both computers down while Brian found us some socks.

"Hey," Brian whispered, leaning closer to me. We had been walking for a couple of blocks, and Brian had been right about the neighbourhood. Very nice. The kind of place I would have wanted to live, if you could find a house like these ones in the heart of Toronto. I smiled to myself at the thought of Brian and I buying a house like the ones we were passing and settling down. We'd need to get a dog or something.

"Hey," he said again, nudging me.

"Hmm?" I said, coming out of my thoughts and looking at him.

"See that lady?"

I looked in the direction he indicated and saw a woman waiting at a bus stop about half a block away from us. She was standing with her weight on one foot, the other hooked around her ankle as she leaned against the cubicle.

"Yeah."

"That's the hooker from the story."

"What?" I laughed, looking at him.

"Whatshername," he said, then looked up again with a smile. "Jamie."

"That's what you think Jamie looks like?"

"That's her, I'm telling you," he insisted.

The more I looked at the woman, the more I could see it. If you took her out of the powersuit she had on and put her in some bitchboots, stockings and a short skirt, I guess she would foot the bill.

I nodded and smiled at him. "If you say so. I pictured her a little differently, but I'm glad she made an impression on you."

"With the stuff she was doing?" Brian laughed. "I think it would take more than being gay not to have been impressed."

I grinned and rolled my eyes as we passed by the woman. I smiled at her and gave her a little wave, which she returned, and then we were by her.

"Quit flirting," Brian grouched dramatically.

"Hey, if she's anything like Jamie, it might be an interesting experience," I returned with a smile, earning myself a punch in the ribs.

We continued down the streets, and Brian was soon lost. I assured him that I knew where I was, even though the streets were starting to look pretty similar to me as well. We eventually came upon a little park and decided to stop there for a while.

There was a group of kids playing on the swings and teeter-totters, and we took a seat on one of the benches to watch them as they ran back and forth.

I was paying particular attention to one little girl who was arguing with another girl about who owned the ball they were playing with. A closer look made it clear that they were sisters. The resemblance was striking, though one girl was obviously at least a year older than the other. I was watching, wondering if we were about to be party to a playschool version of a catfight when I felt Brian's fingers brush my shoulder.

He was sitting an appropriate distance away from me on the bench, but he had his arm stretched along the back of the bench, which allowed him to at least maintain minimal contact with me. When he saw he had managed to get my attention, he smiled.

"Watching them reminded me. Matt asked me this morning if we would like to go with him, JC, Kevin and Kathy to visit his daughters later in the week. They're having a dance, and..."

"And daddy showing up with three boy band cuties will skyrocket their popularity?"

Brian grinned. "Not to mention his hot writer friend."

"Sounds like fun."

"So you want to go?"

"Sure," I told him. "It would be nice to meet the girls. Kathy and Matt seem pretty damn proud of them."

We sat quietly for a few more minutes before he spoke again. "You ever think about having one?" he asked, nodding his head in the direction of the kids.

I looked back just in time to see the older girl push the younger, causing her to fall into the sand at the base of the slide. Luckily, there wasn't another child coming down, or the little girl would have likely received a boot to the head as well as sand in her pants. I grinned.

"Sometimes," I admitted. "Sometimes I think it would be nice to have someone to raise. Someone to look at and see myself in. To know that I created another person. That would be pretty incredible."

"You'd be a great father."

"Thank you," I said, touched. "That's one of the nicest things you've ever said to me." Brian's smile grew, and he seemed pleased with himself. "And you'd be a great mom," I added, ruining the nice little moment we had going.

"Bitch," he laughed, slapping my shoulder.

I smiled, pleased. "Do you think about having kids?"

"I used to, when I was younger," he said, looking back to the children. "It was sort of a given that I would at some point. Then later, after I figured out that I was... you know," he looked around to see if anyone was within eavesdropping distance. "I didn't think it would ever happen. Now, I'm not sure. I think it would be nice, though."

"The press would probably notice if we had a kid, though, eh?"

"I think they might catch on, yeah," he agreed. We sat in silence for a few minutes, then he sighed. "Maybe someday?"

I nodded. "Someday."

"Until then, we can have fun trying to conceive," he laughed, his fingers pausing to stroke my shoulder again as he looked at me.

"No harm in trying."

"That's not what you said after the first time," he joked, jumping off of the bench before I could slap him.

"You ready to head back, hornball? I'm in the mood for a nap," I said, standing as well.

"Oooh, a nap sounds good."

"Didn't say you were invited," I laughed, pushing him in the direction that I thought Matt's house was in.

As it turned out, I wasn't too far off. We overshot his house by a block, but managed to find it without too much trouble. Letting us back in with the key Matt had given him, Brian sighed and collapsed onto the couch.

"Good idea," I said, flopping onto him and grabbing the remote.

Brian rolled to the side, sending me to the floor, then grabbed for the remote. I managed to keep it, rolling away from him and sitting up again. Seeing that he was about to launch himself at me, I pointed at him, stopping him in his tracks.

I crawled over in front of the couch and lay down, pulling a pillow down to put under my head, and flicked on the TV. Brian waited all of five seconds before joining me, lying down right beside me and laying his head on my chest.

I found an old movie and stopped flicking. The way my eyes were drooping, I knew I wouldn't last long anyway, and there was no sense in trying to find something that I was going to get interested in and then be irritated at missing the ending of.

"You know when Matt and the guys get back?" I asked, yawning.

"Nope. But I'm sure they'll wake us up." His hand once again slid up under my shirt. Mine found his shirt-tail and slipped up under it as well, gently rubbing his back and pressing him to me.

We lay there, not really taking much of the movie in, his fingers slowly tracing circles around my navel and mine softly kneading the muscles in his back, until I finally couldn't keep my eyes open any longer. Letting them slip closed, I heard Brian snore slightly, and then I was asleep, smiling to myself.

PART 81

The first thing I realised when I woke up again was that I couldn't breath very well. Before opening my eyes, I tried to figure out the problem, and quickly came to the conclusion that it was the mouthful of shirt that I had acquired at some point during my nap.

Spitting it out, I opened my eyes and lifted my head gently, trying not to wake Brian. I jumped a little when I discovered that we weren't alone in the room.

"Wakey wakey," Kathy grinned from the chair near the patio doors. "I would have woke you up, but you two looked so cute."

I looked down and mentally winced. While we slept, we had managed to change positions. I now had my head on Brian's chest. His bare chest. I had apparently worked his shirt up so that it was bunched under his arms. I had been chewing on part of that bunch. Our legs were intertwined, and my hand was resting on his stomach. It wasn't the most innocent pose.

"I suppose you got pictures?" I whispered, trying to figure out a way of getting up without waking my boyfriend.

"Matt's out of film."

I knew she wasn't kidding. She had checked. "Gee, that's too bad," I groaned, lifting my head again and easing my leg out from between Brian's. Rolling away, I managed to sit up and then stand. Looking down at myself, I discovered that there was a slobber mark on my shirt as well.

"I waste more shirts that way," I mumbled, making Kathy laugh.

"Looks like he's got the same problem," she said, pointing to Brian's shirt, which was still bundled but clearly chewed-on. When she stood up, I noticed that she had changed. She was back in casual attire as opposed to office-wear.

I looked on as she moved to stand in front of Brian. "Can I borrow him for a minute?"

I arched my eyebrow.

"I just have to see his face." She proceeded to lay down beside him, putting her head on his shoulder, and placing her hand on his stomach, where mine had been.

"Don't wake him up yet," I laughed, turning back toward the bedroom. I dug in my computer bag, then went back out to find here trying to fit her leg in where mine had been as well.

"You taking liberties with my man?"

"Think he'd mind?"

"I would mind," I laughed, then held up the camera, getting a surprised look from her. "Digital," I explained. "Who needs film?"

She grinned. "Can I wake him up now? This floor's not the most comfortable place in the house."

I checked the camera to make sure it was all ready, then got ready to snap.

"Go ahead."

Kathy leaned in and nuzzled Brian's cheek. He sighed to himself and nuzzled back, thinking it was me. She grinned as I took a couple of pictures, then she moved in and bit his nose.

His eyes jerked open as I took another shot. "Nate? What are you... Ah!" He jumped back, me snapping pictures almost continuously to make sure I got a few good ones. "What the hell?"

"Morning darlin," Kathy grinned, giving him a kiss.

His confused stare took her in, then moved to me, still watching through the camera. "I get up for one minute," I laughed. "And you're in bed with the first girl you come across."

He got the most adorable look on his face when it all clicked in his still-dozing brain. It really was like a light bulb went off above his head. I took a picture to capture it. "I think you should give me the camera, sweetie," he said, getting up.

"You can have it as soon as I save these pictures onto the computer," I told him, backing toward the doorway.

"I don't think so." He stood up and started to come at me.

"Kathy hold him!" I watched as Kathy practically tackled him, pulling him to the floor again. Then I turned and ran back to the bedroom, locking the door behind me.

He was sitting on the couch scowling at Kathy when I returned with the camera. "Here you go," I said as I handed it to him. "I even took the liberty of clearing the memory for you." I smirked and sat down beside him.

"What would I do without you?"

"Slobber on someone else's shirt?" I suggested, pulling my shirt out to show him the wet spot.

"Ahem," he returned, pointing out the one on his own.

"That was Kathy."

"Hey!" she said, laughing.

"It's okay," I assured her with a grin. "It's hard not to drool when he's around."

"I'm going to go and change," Brian announced, standing up and taking the camera with him. "We'll put this to better use later," he whispered to me as he left, making me blush.

"So how was work?" I relaxed on the couch, pulling my feet up on it and resting against the arm.

"Some shit different day," Kathy said with a sigh. "I wish I had a job that let me nap all day with my boyfriend. Hell, I wish I had a boyfriend."

I definitely detected some bitterness there.

"Sorry." It was the only thing I could think of to say.

"No, it's okay. No big deal. Just seems like I'm the only one not getting any around here suddenly. At least before JC, Matt and I were in the same boat." She smiled to let me know that she really was fine.

"Can I ask what happened with you and Kevin? I just don't get it. You seem so good together. You're still very affectionate, and you're totally comfortable around each other."

She nodded. "We are, when he's around. You get to travel with Brian. Which, by the way, I'm glad about. You guys are great together. But I couldn't take my work with me and travel with Kevin. I mean, I suppose I could have given up on working and just gone wherever he did, but I couldn't just do that. I'd feel like I had no identity anymore."

"Yeah, I don't think I could be with Brian like this if I couldn't work on the road. I need something that's mine. Not that I won't share it with him, but it's still mine. It's part of my world that I get to carry with me."

"Exactly. I don't have a job that lets me do that, and I can't give up my life. With Kevin gone so much, it just couldn't work out. I couldn't handle being with someone that I got to see for a day here or a day there every few months, and maybe for a couple of weeks in their down time."

That really sucked. The thing that had torn them apart was the one thing that Kevin loved too much to give up, and the one thing that Kathy couldn't ask him to leave. I wondered if Carrie was prepared for what she was getting into. I also wondered if it were my place to warn her about it.

As if sensing my thoughts, Kathy spoke again. "I really hope he and Carrie can work it better, you know. I want him to be happy."

"I hope they do too, for both of their sakes. And I want you to be happy. I'm sure Kevin does too."

"I know he does. And it'll happen eventually. Probably at the least convenient time, too."

I grinned as Brian rejoined us with a smug look on his face. "What did you do?"

He lay down on the couch, putting his head on my thigh. "You really should have thought to change your password," he said with a smile, letting his arm dangle over the side of the couch.

"You little bastard!" Kathy laughed, shaking her head in disbelief.

"You really think I was going to let those pictures continue to exist?"

"Did you really think I wouldn't think to make a backup copy of them?" I asked him, winking at Kathy as his head shot back up.

He looked at me to see if I was kidding. Seeing that I wasn't, he sat back up. "Where are they?"

"Nothing up my sleeve," I said, doing my best Bullwinkle impression and pulling out the sleeve of my shirt. Kathy laughed. Brian didn't.

"Tell me."

"No."

"Nate..."

"Brian..."

"You feel like sleeping alone?"

"Hey, just because you got Kathy to sleep with you once doesn't mean that she can replace me, you know," I laughed, rolling off the couch and lying on the floor instead.

"You can stay there," Brian said with a smirk.

"'Kay," I agreed readily, rolling onto my side so that I was facing the TV.

I grabbed the remote from in front of the couch and flicked on the TV. Kathy smiled as she watched Brian trying to decide between sticking to his guns and joining me on the floor. He must have found his willpower, because I heard the couch settle again as he lay down.

"I can keep this up as long as you can."

I grinned and rolled back over onto my back to look at him. "I doubt it. If I get really desperate, I can always seduce Kevin."

"You should do that anyway," Kathy said, looking at Brian with an evil grin. "You wouldn't be disappointed."

"Ew!" Brian said, covering his ears dramatically as I rolled back over and gave Kathy an approving nod. We turned our attention back to the TV as I started to flip through the channels.

"Anyone else getting hungry?" Kathy asked about an hour later.

"Maybe if you had had a bit more of the breakfast that someone slaved over this morning, you wouldn't be quite so hungry," I pointed out. Kathy smiled and gave me the finger. She was so lady-like.

"I'm kinda hungry," Brian said, ignoring us both.

"You boys need to learn to take a break and refuel," Kathy laughed.

I was definitely ready to eat. I spun myself around on the floor so that my head was at the front of the couch, looking directly up into Brian's eyes as he looked down at me. "What would you care to make us for dinner?"

"Me? How come I have to cook?"

"I made breakfast."

"What about Kathy? She didn't even have the courtesy to eat your breakfast."

"Kathy worked hard all day. She shouldn't have to cook."

"If you recall, I worked kind of hard myself."

I grinned as I blushed. "That's true, but as I recall, you got something out of that too."

"If I cook, I'm making cereal."

"Brian..."

"Not even good cereal either," he continued, overriding me. "I'm making bran flakes."

I scrunched my face up at the thought and sighed. "What do you want for dinner?"

Brian looked to Kathy in triumph. "What's your pleasure?"

"Let's go see what Matt's got," she offered, standing up.

"Thanks sweetie," Brian grinned down at me before sliding forward enough to plant a kiss on my forehead. He then climbed over me and followed Kathy into the kitchen.

"Nothing too involved!" I called after them both, getting up myself. If left on their own, they'd probably have me cooking a feast.

They were already planning it when I got to the kitchen. I entered just in time to hear the word 'pheasant', and called a halt to the conversation. I thought I knew how to get Brian's vote on my side. "How about mac and cheese?"

Kathy groaned and Brian cheered, making her smile. Knowing that it was a hopeless battle, she gave in without much of a fight.

The dishes were almost done when Matt, JC, and Kevin got back. I had left Kathy and Brian on dish duty. It was only fair, considering that I had had to not only cook dinner, but do it with both of them hanging out in the kitchen. And I thought it was especially fitting that Kathy had to help with the dishes from the breakfast she had skipped out on. I was beginning to be glad that I hadn't gotten around to soaking those plates.

When they came into the living room, I was lying on the couch, dozing a little. Kevin came in dragging Kathy with him and pulled her down into a chair with him.

"So how rich are you?" I asked, looking at each of them.

All three of them smiled and started recounting their bank accounts for me.

I laughed and held up my hands to get them to shut up.

"How much money did you make today, at the casino?" I specified.

"Matt's unlucky," Kevin complained.

"And JC's even unluckier," Matt added with a grin. "I was up quite a bit, and he lost it all at the roulette wheel."

"You made me!" JC protested.

"I told you to bet it, not to lose!"

JC nudged him to silence as Kevin laughed. "At least Matt lost on purpose. I was up hundreds of dollars until I sat down next to him."

"So basically, you've all got no more than you left with?"

"At least we're not down anything. We didn't even have to pay for dinner."

"How'd you manage that?" Brian asked, coming and drying his hands on his pants.

"You trading sex for food again, Kev?" Kathy grinned.

"That's how we met, isn't it?" Kevin smiled back at her.

"Best can of lima beans I ever spent."

"Satisfaction guaranteed," he returned.

"Funny, I was just telling Brian and Nate that a little while ago." That got him. He looked at us and blushed as we nodded. He didn't appear to have a witty comeback for that one.

Matt explained how JC and Kevin had sung for their dinners. Quite literally, it would seem. They had helped cheer up a girl having a birthday party at the casino, apparently, and in return, the waitress had ripped up their check.

"Which reminds me," Matt said, digging in his pocket. He produced a slip of paper and passed it to Kevin after showing it to JC. "I told her that I would make sure that you guys signed something and sent it to her daughters."

"Sure," they both agreed. Kevin put the paper in his pocket and promised to copy the address and give it back later so that JC could make arrangements once the guys were back together.

"So what's on the agenda for tonight?" Kathy asked.

"It's kind of hard to top a day at the casino," JC smiled. "How about we just watch a movie?"

"Sounds good," Brian agreed. "But I don't know about the ones we rented yesterday. None of them seem to be particularly happy movies. I'd rather not depress myself before bed." He stole a glance at me, and I noticed Matt do the same thing. They didn't want to depress me before bed.

"No problem," Matt said. "We can see what's on Pay Per View. What do we want?"

There was a resounding chorus of 'comedy' from the room, and we quickly decided on "Austin Powers II." Brian and I smiled at each other. That was the movie that he and I had gone to see on our first date. The one that we hadn't seen much of. Kevin knew that, and I caught him chuckling while he watched us.

JC released Matt long enough to go and gather some blankets and pillows, then fashioned the two of them a makeshift bed on the floor in front of tht TV.

Matt headed for the kitchen and I followed, deciding that I needed a drink.

I also needed to thank him for giving me some time with Brian. Entering the kitchen, I went straight for the fridge.

"Have fun today?" Matt asked, smiling.

I continued to dig in the fridge. "Honestly, would you believe that he and I pretty much slept all day?"

"Yes, I would. If you'd been doing anything too fun, Kathy would have already called attention to it."

I laughed and agreed that she probably would have. "I really appreciate the alone time," I told him thankfully. "I got a little work done, even with the distraction."

Matt assured me that there was not thanks necessary, then gathered up drinks for everyone else and we headed for the living room again. We had just about got there when the phone started to ring. Matt stopped to look at the caller ID box, then frowned.

Thinking it was bad news, I hung back a bit and gave him a questioning look. When he saw my expression, he seemed to gather his thoughts and he smiled at me. "You go ahead. I'll be in in a minute." I searched his face for a second, making sure that he really was okay, then agreed and headed for the living room again.

Brian produced the movie that they had decided on, and we shared a look. It was the only comedy he'd chosen the night before, 'Austin Powers II'. It was the movie that Brian and I had gone to see on our first date. The one that we'd barely seen any of, actually. Kevin knew this, of course, and I heard him chuckle as he glanced over at us on his way to the kitchen.

Brian and I decided to claim the couch again since JC had already made a bed on the floor, and I managed to win the little wrestling match to decide who got to be whose pillow. Accepting defeat, Brian took the pillow that JC offered him and I lay my head on his chest, throwing my arm across him.

Kevin and Matt rejoined us a few minutes later. I noticed that both looked a little preoccupied as Brian jumped up to start the movie, but they were obviously trying not to draw attention to it, so I didn't say anything. No one else seemed to notice. I wondered whether their expression had anything to do with that phone call Matt had received.

I jumped a little when I realised that Matt was talking to me. He was asking me to turn off the lights, though I didn't know how many times he had asked already. Giving myself a mental shake, I got up and hit the switch, then climbed back into Brian's arms as he wrapped me back up in the blanket JC had given us.

As much as I enjoyed the movie, I found my eyes drooping about half-way through it. The little bit of sleep I had managed to get the night before wasn't proving to be enough, and it seemed I was destined not to see the entire movie. By the time Mini Me was humping the laser, I was done in. Giving up, I let my eyes close and listened to Brian's heartbeat instead.

"Sweetie?" Brian poked me in the forehead. "Sweetie?"

"What?" I refused to open my eyes, and squeezed him a little tighter.

"Come on, it's time for bed. I'd carry you, but you're too frickin' heavy," he added doing a remarkable Dr. Evil impression.

I started to laugh, then bit him on the stomach. Judging from the laughter, I guessed that we were now the entertainment for the whole room.

"Ow! What was that for?"

"You called me fat," I grinned, finally opening my eyes. I was right. The TV was off, and everyone was watching the two of us. Well, almost everyone.

Matt was sound asleep on the floor in front of us. Something told me that JC was going to do everything he could to get him to bed without waking him.

Some people had considerate boyfriends. I was stuck with one that called me fat.

"I did not! Just because I don't want to throw my back out hauling your carcass around with me doesn't mean you're fat."

I rolled away from him and took in the room. "Is it just me, or is this getting more insulting by the minute?"

"Maybe you should bite him again," JC suggested.

"Maybe you should wait till you get behind closed doors," Kevin added with a smile.

I looked back up at Brian and clicked my teeth together forcefully, making him smile. "You done entertaining the troops now?" he asked. "You look like you're about to fall back asleep."

I sighed and nodded, then sat up. "Please tell me someone else is making breakfast."

Kevin laughed. "I'll do it. I don't know what we'll be having, but I'll find something."

"Sounds good," I said with a smile. Brian stood and gave me his hand, pulling me to my feet. "Goodnight all."

They all said goodnights, and promised no early-morning interruptions. The way I felt, I didn't think that there'd be much to interrupt. I could almost guarantee that I'd be asleep, whatever time they decided to knock.

Brian and I made a short stop in the bathroom to brush our teeth, and then got undressed and climbed into bed. There was no wrestling match this time, though. Brian folded me into his arms and pulled my head to his chest, wrapping us both in the blankets. "Goodnight Nathaniel."

I smiled hearing my full name, then kissed his chest. "Goodnight sweetie."

To Be Continued...

Hey all! Hope you liked it! I know that it took a long time to get up here, but I hope it was worth the wait.

No idea on when the next one will be coming. I imagine we'll all be a bit busy over the holidays (Happy Holidays, BTW :P), and I know that I'll probably be away from the computer for at least a week while I'm with my family. But, we'll try and have something for you before too long. :)

Thanks to everyone who emailed about the last installment, and to check to make sure I was okay when this one was late. I'm really glad that you're enjoying the story as much as I am. :)

Thanks for reading!

~D~