Brian and Justin

Just Beginning (Chaptr 26) Written by JM

*** 'Just when I thought I was to be alone forever...' This is the continuation to the series 'Brian & Justin'. This story involves a romance between celebrities, mainly that of Brian Littrell (of the Backstreet Boys) and Justin Timberlake (of 'N Sync). If you are offended by this kind of material, please do not read this series. If you have not read the first series, please do not read this one yet. I'd like you to know the story of Brian and Justin's saga. Otherwise, enjoy as we continue to drift into the lives of Brian & Justin and their friends. Any comments for me, please send to: lionclaw@bellsouth.net ***

*** Welcome to the second chapter of 'Brian & Justin', perfectly titled by David as 'Just Beginning'. I do hope you like this series and I hope to bring you as much joy and sorrow as the first series. As always, read stories like 'N Sync Love', 'Lost And Found' and 'The One' for good storyline. Special thank you to my inspiration and my "Blue", Leprechaun. Read 'Bad Boy B-Rok' for his work of art. Special thank yous to some of my closest friends also: Donnie, Shawn, CJ, Adam, Rick, Jason, River, Mano, Brian and Netboy. And very special thanks goes to all of my OLD & NEW READERS! I love you dearly for your support. The BIGGEST thank you goes to David at Nifty for his continuous support. As always, enjoy and hopefully, you won't be disappointed. So now, the story is 'Just Beginning...' ***

Drop. Another drop. Drip and then a drop. Tears fell from each corner of the large room. White shimmered across each row and each column. Joy was set upon a majority of the faces. Time was stopped for this moment. Voices were hushed and bodies were still. Lives were starting again and romances were kindling. The day was young and not covered in the mask of false nature. Shadows were casted aside for the light to shine through. Dreams were spun into a neatly, decorated ribbon. The aroma was that of a rose, like the one that was pinned into the breast of J.C. Chasez's tuxedo.

His hands were nervous as he held his fiance's hands. All he did was admired the hands he held. He stood in front of family, friends, relatives, managers, close aquaintances and the eight guys that he had learn to call his 'brothers'. Even in front of six girls that he called his 'sisters' and three girls that he called his 'best friends'. Each held their own title and place within his deep heart. No one was overlooked and no one was loved any less. The one person J.C. did love more held his hands with care.

J.C.'s eyes drifted upward and he looked into the velvet eyes that created his lover. They were shimmering in the light, almost giving a pale green look. His hair was blonde and as soft as fur. His hands were like candle holders, holding the flame that burned within J.C.'s soul. His smile was as sleek as a cat, but the invitation to evey memory J.C. shared with him. They had been together through the worst and best times, sharing a special bond.

The eyes of the room glared upon them. The church was large enough to hold the crowd that attend this moment in time. It was a wedding, everyone knew. From the smallest church mouse to the minsiter to Karen Chasez, everyone knew what the day meant. An everlasting bond between two people that stood against time. Faces seemed to be filled with some form of happiness, Diane Bass's face glowing and Lynn Harliss face filled with a cheery smile. Brian and Justin holding hands as they watched close friends of theirs finally make that commitment as they did.

"Do you Joshua Scott Chasez..." J.C. listened to every word the minister said, smiling at his fiance. "I do," J.C. replied with his smile. He received small cooes from the audience, but he was too caught up in his lover's eyes to notice. As the song went, he was 'caught up in reverie'. Each moment to him was another chapter in their book of love.

"And do you..." J.C. let the words move slowly. "...Nickolas Gene Carter take Joshua Scott Chasez as your husband?" the minister asked. J.C. grinned with batting eyes. Nick grinned equally back to him. "I... don't." Nick replied. A quick gasp fell over the crowd. J.C. stared at Nick with shock. The room was filled with whispers of gossip-like images. "I'm sorry Joshua," Nick began to speak up loud enough for the church to hear him. A tear broke out of J.C.'s eyes when he slowly began to realize what was happening. "I can't marry you... I'm in love with..." Nick's eyes shifted to the crowd. Lance gave Nick a loving smile and Nick smiled back. "I'm in love with Brian," Nick finally replied. Another gasp hit the room. J.C. felt weak in the knees as he began to step back. His younger brother Tyler caught him in his arms. J.C. felt like fainting with shock. His lover, his fiance and his friend had abandoned him in an instance.

The taunting eyes of the crowd turned from the incident at the altar to Brian. Justin became nervous as everyone stared at him and Brian. Soon he felt Brian release his hand and stand. "I love you too baby," Brian gave a clear and loud answer. Justin's face was painted white like a ghost. He had been smacked in the face with a reality that Brian had covered up for most of their short-lived marriage. Brian pulled off the gold ring Justin had given him in July and he was out of the pews quicker than the summer in August.

Kevin and Joey stood in protest while Howie and Lance cheered Brian on. Tears once again filled the room, but this time they were flooded from Justin's eyes. He was lost. There was nothing after Brian, there was just an empty life and a ring. It was tragic and overwhelming for him. He found little comfort in that of Bryce but nowhere else as others watched Brian make his way tot he altar.

"Yes... I Brian Thomas Littrell will take Nickolas Gene Carter to be my husband," Brian spoke out when he finally reached Nick. Nick smiled and brushed a hand over Brian's hair. "I... Nickolas Gene Carter take Brian Thomas Littrell to be my husband and to love and hold always." Nick chimed in. He received a warm smile from Brian. Brian grabbed Nick's hand and held it. Nick was pulled into a world that consisted of just him and Brian.

His eyes gazed around the room. He saw a smile on Lance's face, showing that Nick had proven Lance's theory right. He saw a caring smile upon his mother's lips, her dream finally coming true. He saw shock written into A.J. and Amanda's faces as Amanda cradled a baby. Nick saw Lynn shaking her head at Brian with disappointment. He watched as Joey was enraged with Brian's actions. He watched Britney remove her earrings, preparing to leap pews to get into a confrontation with Brian. He looked at Howie's thrilling grin, finally receiving payment for keeping his mouth shut throughout J.C. and Nick's affair.

Nick's eyes gazed back to Justin and his eyes bulged open. There Jusitn sat crying, holding a six month old baby. The baby's eyes were filled with wonder yet disappointment. It was Angel. It was Brian and Justin's son. Nick felt his stomach lurch. He had done something he never imagined. He had torn a family apart. He stole away Angel's daddy. He was now something that he feared becoming if he kept up his sexual ways. Nothing crushed him more than seeing Justin's face filled with sorrow as he held his son. It was heart-stopping for Nick. He couldn't imagine Brian leaving his family behind for him.

One single voice was heard over all of the choas. A single laughter. A heart-tearing laughter. A cackle that screamed like a banshee. The sounds of blood dripping onto the floor mixed into the laughter. It pierced Nick's ears when he heard it. He looked past the sea of mixed faces to stare into the eyes of the mocking person. There she stood in all of her glory. Laughing with her revenge-filled eyes was Leigh Ann Wallace. Her work had finally been finished and now Joshua Scott Chasez was heartbroken, Britney Spears was being held down by her ex-boyfriend, Lynn Harliss was left in awe, Brian had left his husband and Justin was lost with a child that he couldn't raise without his husband. Her laughter caused Nick's heart to skip a beat. He was her pawn, her puppett and everything seemed to revolve on his choice to lose J.C. for Brian. "Thank you Nick... Nick... Nick... Nick Littrell.... Nick... Nick..." her voice echoed throught the church, making the bells ring and each white dove lose it's ability to fly. A drop. Another drop and then silence. Nothing was heard but, "Nick... Nick... Nick..."

"NICK!!!" Nick Carter lurched up in shock. His head was throbbing as it always did after one of his powerful nightmares. He rubbed his eyes sorely and looked down the direction in which the sound came. He saw A.J. standing in the doorway of his hotel room. Nick peered his eyes at him sa if he had a hangover. "Nick, get your ass out of bed now," A.J. complained, walking into the room. "Wha... what the hell do you want?" Nick asked in a creaking voice. A.J. looked Nick up and down and then turned to the T.V. "Nick... Nick..." A.J. shook his head in shame. Nick was confused to why A.J. was giving him disappointed looks. "You fell asleep after jerking off eh?" A.J. questioned, looking back to the T.V. Nick raised his eyebrow at A.J. before giving him a disgusted look.

Nick looked down to his body and saw his soft penis hanging out of the top of his boxers and his eyes flew open. Nick looked past A.J. to see what was on the T.V. He watched as Johan Paulik thrusted into a porn star's ass. Nick's mouth fell open. He scarmbled for the remote and turned off the T.V. He flushed with red and he looked down at himself. He was still exposed to A.J. A.J. began to laugh as Nick yanked the covers over his body. He threw a pillow at Nick and smiled. "What's wrong Nickie? J.C. not doing the phone sex thing anymore?" A.J. teased him lavishly. A.J. looked away from Nick with laughter. "And the porno channel Nickie? What's wrong? No good pictures of J.C. laying around here?" A.J. continued his teasing. "Just leave me alone," Nick pouted. He felt ashamed but yet he felt sorry that J.C. wasn't there with him. A.J. shook his head at him again. "Look, get dressed. We're eating breakfast in Kevin's room before hitting downstairs for conferences." A.J. informed Nick, heading for the door. "Do I have any messages?!" Nick called out to A.J. as A.J. hit the doorway. A.J. sighed and turned back to him. "No... I'm sorry Nick." A.J. replied sadly. Nick shrugged and tried to play off his depression. A.J. walked out of the room and left Nick to his thoughts.

'Damn it Josh, call me!' Nick brooded. His dream had shaken him enough. Nick was nineteen and lonely. He felt it was a deadly combination. The one thing besides his undying love for J.C. that was keeping him from becoming something beyond his nature was the ring that rested on his right hand. The ring that was a piece of his heart and J.C.'s. It was all Nick could cling to most nights while away from his lover. Nick sighed and crept out of his bed. "I love you Joshua Scott Chasez..." Nick murmured in the room, trying to bring an apparation of J.C. to his eyes.

The room was filled with silent conversations. A.J. was laid across Kevin's bed thinking of his girlfriend and future child. He was in a role that he had not pondered in years, a father. Howie sat in a chair looking over contracts and other deals for his sister's first album. He strained to get some eggs on his fork while not looking at them. Kevin fiddled through several CD's and demo's that Nikki and the girls of Innosense had been recording for their album while munching on some bacon. Brian sat on the edge of the bed stirring a spoon in a coffee cup, grinning fully at everyone.

Kevin looked up and saw his cousin's silly grin. "What's on your mind silly?" Kevin asked with an equally silly grin. "We're all sitting here thinking about who we miss and that sucks," Brian shrugged with his grin. "Thinking about your husband?" Kevin questioned in a mono tone. "Always," Brian sighed before taking a sip of his tea with honey. "How's the voice?" Kevin asked, concerned for his cousin. "Getting better." Brian said with a slightly straining response. "Is that why you're drinking tea?" Kevin questioned. Brian nodded. "Just some tea with some honey in it... to get it nice and coaty." Brian replied hoarsely. "Have you told Justin that you have the flu?" A.J. asked, rolling to his side to look at Brian. "I don't have the flu A.J. It's just a little cold." Brian replied harshly, trying to fight the pains in his throat. "A little cold? A little cold that you've had for four days now?" A.J. questioned with doubt in his mind. Brian nodded, sipping on his tea. "Just call the boy! It's nice to have someone care about you," A.J. reminded him. Brian shook his head and rested his hand. He began to clear his throat loudly, trying to rid himself of pain. "What's wrong Brian? Lil' ol' Justin a bit overprotective? I bet you if Brian sneezed Justin would hop a plan here to say 'Bless you'," Howie grinned as he made fun of the loving couple. "Fuck you," Brian hissed. Howie gagged at him. "Save it for your husband loverboy," Howie reminded him, resting his head on the back of his chair. Brian took another gulp of his tea and let the steam try and open his vocal chords.

Nick barged into the room with a frown. A.J. looked up at his friend and smiled. "Nothing good on the porno channel?" A.J. teased him, sitting up on the bed. Nick stared at him evily. "Well actually I came in here to get the number to a good phone sex line. You used to work for one, how about it A.J.?" Nick shot back in a deaf humor. Brian found himself smiling while the others stared at Nick shamelessly. "Grab some food and shut your little trap," A.J. warned him with a devious smile. Nick trotted around the room, filling his plate with eggs, bacon, sausage, fruit and a muffin. "Can you eat anymore?" Howie teased him. "What can I say? Europe makes me hungry." Nick shrugged, walking over to Brian. Nick took a seat on the floor in front of Brian and frowned at him. Brian raised his eyebrow at Nick and then took another sip of his tea. "What's up Frack?" Brian asked, sniffling slightly. "Have you talked to Justin?" Nick asked. "Sure, we talked on our wedding day, didn't talk much on the wedding night." Brian smiled at his joke. "No idiot. I mean like last night or anything?" Nick asked with determination. Brian nodded, drinking more tea. "I stayed up until about three just to talk to him." Brian added. Nick frowned even more, smashing some food in his mouth. "Why? Has J.C. called or anything?" Brian asked, watching his friend's sad expression. Nick shook his head sadly. "Not since about a day ago," Nick pouted. Brian nodded, feeling for Nick. "I'm sure he'll call but he's probably sleep right now." Brian assured him lowly. Nick nodded, still wanting to talk to his boyfriend. "Did Justin say anything?" Nick questioned, grabbing a piece of bacon. Brian sighed. "Nick, usually when I talk to Justin... it's about me and him and how much we love each other. I'm sorry but we usually don't talk about anything else." Brian replied. Nick understood.

"You mean you and him don't have phone sex or anything?" A.J. slyly said, continuing his tease with Nick. Nick threw a link of sausage at A.J. and turned back to Brian. The others broke into a strong laughter at the petty act. "No A.J., me and Justin don't have phone sex. We're too busy crying to," Brian giggled at his own depression. "Does he still cry himself to sleep?" Nick asked softly. "Always," Brian sighed, letting a frown glaze his face. "Well boys just another week and your little boy toys will be here." Kevin spoke up, standing from his seat. Nick nodded while Brian stared down into his cup.

"Maybe I'll call Justin and convince him that crying isn't always the best way to say, 'Baby, I love you'," A.J. suggested, wrapping his arms around Brian's neck for comfort. As A.J. did he flinched with surprise. "God Brian, could you be any warmer?" A.J. questioned, placing his hand over Brian's forehead. "I have a little fever, big deal!" Brian said, jerking away from A.J. "Brian, maybe you should skip the meetings today." Kevin advised, walking over to his cousin. Kevin put his hand on Brian's head and felt him for a fever. "He's right Rok, we need you at the show tonight." Howie added, standing from his seat. "I'll be fine ya'll. A cold is just a cold. Kevin was running around the stage when he had the flu. So I can handle this," Brian assured all of them. "Frick, go to your room and lay down." Nick ordered him. Just as Brian began to rebuttle Nick stopped him. "Brian, being sick, even if it's a little will drain you. So go lay down and I'll come to your room if Justin calls for you." Nick instructed clearly. Brian sighed and stood. He walked out of the room silently, still aggrivated that his friends were treating him like a baby.

"This is more then a cold isn't it?" Howie asked, looking around the room. He saw nothing but disturbed faces. "I heard him throwing up in his bathroom last night." A.J. stated, looking down at the spot that Brian once sat. "He's had a fever last night when me and him went to dinner." Nick added. "He has been losing more energy during rehearsals." Howie agreed with them. "Maybe he's just a little tired and all. With a nap, he'll get his strength back." Kevin argued peacefully. "Kev, did you hear him? His voice is getting very shakey. A sore throat can really tear his vocals up and then he'll be no good." A.J. disagreed flatly. Kevin turned to look at A.J. bitterly. "Someone had better call Mr. Littrell," Howie advised, concerned for his long time friend. "Yeah, someone should call Justin." Nick agreed. "Brian hasn't told Justin he's been sick?" A.J. questioned, looking directly at Nick. "Not that I know of. Brian isn't lying when he says he and Justin spend alot of time crying. They do." Nick replied sorely. A.J. sighed and then stood. "No one call Justin. We can't afford for him to fly out here." Kevin argued. "What?!" Howie questioned in spite. "Justin can't come here now. He's not supposed to come here until they join up with us on the tour in France. He's got appearances and stuff to do." Kevin insisted. "Kevin, that's Brian's husband. You can't just not tell him." A.J. disagreed sharply. "Has Brian told him? That would be us interfering in their marriage." Kevin argued a strong point. "No, no. Brian hasn't told Justin because he doesn't want to worry Justin. You just heard Nick, they miss each other a WHOLE lot!" A.J. continued to argue. "Kev, you have to think about Justin. This is a good excuse for him to at least be here for a day with Brian." Nick pleaded.

Kevin looked around the room, thinking. "No." he flatly replied. Each wanted to speak up but Kevin's stares were enough to hold them. "If things get worse, we'll call Justin. If not, don't worry about it." Kevin hushed each of them. He saw several heads shaking at him. "Man chico, you have no concern for familia." Howie spoke strong with his accent. "Let's just get downstairs." A.J. advised, stepping away from the bed. Nick stayed silent, his thoughts on trying not to repeat his dream he suffered through. Kevin watched them all walk out. 'I'm sorry cuz, but right now, Justin needs to stay where he's at.' Kevin tried to make himself believe he was right.

Justin was seated outside in a lounge chair. He fumbled through several Kay Bee bags that were scattered around him while his younger brother Jonathan splashed around in the pool. Justin was thankful that his father Randall allowed Jonathan to stay a few more days in Orlando and spend days over at Brian and Justin's house. It was a chance for Justin to bond with his little brother before leaving for another tour. The sun was another comfort for Justin, thinking of his husband constantly.

"Wow! Was there a sale?" Justin heard a voice ask. Justin looked up and smiled. Justin also had the comfort of his good friend Britney Spears. Justin gladly took Britney in to his home after she moved out of Joey's. He felt she was a strong support for him when he missed Brian. She had taken the guest room while Jonathan stayed in Justin's old room. Justin supported Britney through her tough times as she adjusted to not being Joey's girlfriend.

"Nah, I had money to blow. Pays well when you write songs for people and record for soundtracks." Justin replied with a grin. Britney took a seat on the opposite lounge chair and smiled back. "Did you get me anything?" Britney chimed. Justin giggled and fished throguh the many bags. He threw her a Blow Pop and smiled. "A blue Blow Pop?" Britney asked out of disappointment. "Remember, don't use your teeth. It hurts like hell!" Justin said, bursting into laughter. Britney threw the Blow Pop back at him with anger. "You are the biggest pervert." she boasted. Justin opened the Blow Pop and began sucking on it. "I learned from my husband." Justin sighed out. Britney took a sip off of her water and frowned back. "Has he called today?" Britney questioned. "No. Just last night. I kept him up late. I hate having a six hours difference. It's so hard to think of the right time to call someone." Justin complained. Britney nodded. "I should call now though. They're probably just at dinner before the show or something." Justin suggested. "It's what? About seven there?" Britney questioned, looking at her own watch. Justin nodded, knowing Brian would be on stage in an hour.

"Justin! Justin!" Jonathan called as he ran over to them. Justin grinned at his little brother as he ran to them. "What's up little bro?" Justin asked, letting Jonathan take a seat next to him. "Are you going to come in the water with me?" Jonathan asked, panting slightly. Justin shook his head but smiled. "I've got some things to do little bro. Maybe Britney will go swimming with you," Justin replied, turning his head to Britney. Britney smiled and then shrugged. "In a little bit Jonathan." she gave in to the boy's caring smile. Jonathan leaped with joy and then ran back to the pool.

"So are all of those toys for Jonathan?" Britney asked, pulling her hair up into a ponytail. "Nah. Some are for Chris's little sister, some are for Steven, some for Aaron and a couple for Jacob." Justin replied, shifting through the bags again. "Ah, the Godson right?" Britney questioned. Justin nodded happily. "That picture of you, him and Brian on Brian's desk is beautiful." Britney commented, laying back in the chair. Justin was proud of the picture.

Justin grabbed one bag and placed it next to him on the lounge. Britney peered at the bag with curiosity. "That looks like stuff for a young baby?" Britney questioned as she looked at it. Justin looked at her with a straight face. "Amanda and A.J.'s baby?" Britney gave a guess. Justin laughed at her. "I almost forgot about them!" Justin chimed, searching for a gift he could give Amanda. Britney was still confused by the mysterious bag.

She stood from her chair and walked over to Justin. Justin watched her as she took a seat in Justin's lap. Britney grabbed the bag and began to rumaged through it. "Do you mind?" Justin snobbishly asked. "Hmmm... interesting," Britney chimed. She pulled out a small, stuffed teddy bear. She looked at the monogram on the stomach of the bear. "So who's Angel Justin?" Britney cocked her brow at him as she turned to him. Justin sighed and grabbed the bear. "No one... yet." Justin sighed. Britney pulled out a small fisherman hat and a matching blue outfit. "Boy clothes?" Britney asked. Justin snatched those from her and nudged her. "Just in case I have a boy." Justin sulked. Britney finally caught oto whom the bag was for. "This is for you and Brian's baby isn't it?" Britney pondered. Justin nodded and sighed. "Don't tell Brian I did this. It's just some of these things I saw and... I thought of Angel." Justin pouted.

Britney pulled out a small, stuffed basketball. "I can tell." Britney remarked, looking at the rest of the toys. She ran a hand over Justin's hair for comfort. "It's going to happen Justin," Britney assured him. Justin wasn't as sure as Britney was. "And when you do get that baby, make sure to call me to babysit!" Britney boasted. Justin giggled, snuggling to the teddy bear. "He'll be the most beautiful Angel the world has seen," Britney cooed. "Or she." Justin reminded her. "Oh please! You and Brian both know you want a baby boy." Britney snickered. Justin nudged her lovingly. "If I do get my baby boy, I'll think of trying to get a baby girl later on." Justin gave another one of his dreams. "Why not twins then?" Britney suggested. Justin gave her a crooked stare. "One baby is enough for me and Brian. Our schedules are hard enough." Justin replied. "What are you going to do when you have to tour and work?" Britney asked, slipping out of Justin's lap and sitting next to him. Justin pondered the difficulites. "I want Angel to be with one of us while the other tours. But if Brian's on tour, I think me and Angel will go with him for about or week or so so he won't miss his daddy. Otherwise, I'll be at home with Angel. When I have to go to the studio or something, I'll take him with me. But if it's a show or something, I'll let mom or someone babysit for the day." Justin replied with a thought out plan.

"Angel Littrell? It has a ring to it." Britney agreed. Justin found himself smiling with the joys of life. "Angel Thomas Littrell? Angel Brian Littrell?" Justin pondered. "How about Brian Angel Littrell?" Britney suggested. "Oh! Maybe Angel Timber Littrell." Justin was pleased with the unqiue name. "Timber's cute." Britney agreed. Justin sighed again. "Who am I kidding. I don't even have the baby." Justin complained kindly. Britney leaned her head against Justin's. "You will Justin. I know you will." she whispered, trying to bring his hopes up. She held his hand and they watched Jonathan swim around in the pool.

Just Beginning (Chapter 27) Written by JM

The wind was a light breeze over the ocean. The sun was still at it's high peak. The waves were a low ripple, delivering passion between the sky and it's ocean. Just the right mood for a couple to walk the beach holding hands and savor the love they shared.

J.C. was snuggled to himself on Nick's boat. He loved the feeling of the wind as he sat on the deck. Nothing filled his mind but Nick Carter. It was a thought J.C. cherished. Even when a tear ran down his cheek, he though of him. It was bueaty in its own spirit. "I love you..." J.C. whispered into the wind. A song soon faded into his head, making him think of the night he let Nick make love to him for the first time. He began to hum the tune and before long, his mouth was uttering the lyrics to the song.

Well it's not far down to paradise

At least not for me

And if the wind is right you can sail away

And find tranquility

Oh the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

And baby believe me

It's not far to never never land

No reason to pretend

And if the wind is right

You can find the joy

Of innocence again

Oh the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

And baby believe me

J.C. let the wind ripple over the boat, shaking it slightly. He closed his eyes as a tear caressed his smooth cheek. All he needed was the song to sooth his soul.

Sailing, takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be

Just a dream and a wind to carry me

Soon I will be free

He opened his eyes again and looked out to the water. Somehow his eyes could see Nick's reflection waving in the water. J.C. sighed and continued with his song.

Fantasy

It gets the best of me

When I'm sailing

All the world in reverie

Every word is symphony

Won't you believe me

Oh ho ho ho

Sailing, takes me away

To where I've always heard it could be

Just a dream and a wind to carry me

Soon I will be free

J.C. snuggled to himself tighter. He let the water splash against the deck, the birds fly high over him, the sounds of love fill his mind.

Well it's not far back to sanity

At least it's not for me

And if the wind is right you can sail away

And find serenity

Oh the canvas can do miracles

Just you wait and see

And baby believe me

Oh ho ho ho ho

J.C. exhaled deeply, a few more tears running down his cheeks. He was caught up in the moment when he heard someone call out to him. "Hey kid!" the voice bellowed. J.C. turned around and looked back to the decks. He saw a fisherman standing near the boat, staring at him. "Yeah?" J.C. called back. "That's Christopher Cross right?" the fisherman asked. J.C. nodded. "You've got a good voice kid. You should be in a group or something." the fisherman advised. J.C. smiled to himself. "Thanks." J.C. gave a solomn reply. "Hey, you were singing that for someone special?" the fisherman questioned, eyeing J.C. "Yes, someone special. Very special." J.C. replied, the wind carrying his voice. "Keep it up kid. I'm sure they're listening for the song." the fisherman commented, walking away from the boat. J.C. sighed and looked back to the water. "I hope you are listening Nickie. I love you." J.C. said, leaning against the boat. He closed his eyes again and let his mind dream of Nick.

"So where are we eating tonight?" Britney called out to Justin just as Justin lifted up the cordless phone. "Pizza?" Justin offered, clicking on the phone. "Nah. I want to eat out for once!" Britney chimed with a blooming smile. Justin shook his head at her and then answered the phone. "This is Justin," he smiled as he answered. Justin nodded as he listened to his caller. Britney watched him with curious eyes. "Let's go the Ale House!" Britney announced, making her decision. Justin giggled at her and contuned with his conversation. Britney released her hair from her ponytail and began to flip through a magazine as Justin talked. "Yes, she's right here." Justin grinned, removing the phone from his ear. "Is it your husband?" Britney cooed as Justin held out the phone to her. Justin shook his head, keeping his astonishing grin.

Britney groaned and snatched the phone from him. "Just for that, I'm making you pay for my dinner tonight." Britney snub him before placing the phone to her head. "Hello?" Britney questioned, turning from Justin. Britney almosted dropped the phone when she heard the voice. Her head quickly snapped back in Justin's direction. "H.. Hi Joey." Britney managed to say. Justin kept his grin with her. Britney didn't fake a smile for him, keeping a straight face. "You what? Dinner?" Britney asked Joey, looking off into space with bubbling eyes. "A movie?" Britney questioned, keeping the phone pressed to her ear.

Justin sighed and walked out of the room. "Young love." Justin cooed, hugging himself. He thought of the days he and Brian experienced such timid and yet intimate moments. The last night he shared with Brian brought back such innocent memories. 'Oh Brian... I miss you so much...' Justin said in his mind, letting a tear fill his eye. He didn't want to let the tear fall from his eye. He sniffled lowly and took a seat in the living room, snuggling on one of the couches. He found himself humming the music to 'Guardian Angel' as he sat in the living room. He closed his eyes and let the tear fall.

BJ came strutting into the living room and quickly jumped into her master's lap. Justin looked down at her with histeria. "What are you doing girl?" Justin asked, scratching her head. She pawed Justin and did her best to lick his face. "Okay puppy!" Justin giggled, leaning down and allowing BJ to lick his cheek. Justin closed his eyes again, letting a few more tears fall. "BJ... I miss him," Justin let his sniffles turn into full fledged sobs. The tears ran down his cheeks like the rain on New York City on the Empire TSate Building. His sobs were soft yet powerful in their meaning. His fear was strong and never ending. He needed his husband and he couldn't do anything but let tears comfort his heart.

"I can't believe this! He wants to take me to the Ale House and then he wants to go see a movie!" Britney cheered as she entered the living room. Her eyes were filled with happiness and her lips with love again. "I think he wants to get back together or something." Britney said with excitement. Britney turned to Justin and watched as he was curled up with BJ on the couch. "Justin?" Britney questioned, edging near him. She heard the sobs and felt the depression he was releasing. "Justin? You're crying." Britney did her best to hug onto him on the couch. Justin kept crying, ignoring her care for him. "Is it Brian?" Britney questioned, rubbing his back. "I.. I... I can't do this without... him..." Justin stammered out with his tears. Britney closed her eyes and kept a tight grip. "It'll be okay Justin. Just one more week and you two will be together." Britney tried to assure him. Justin continued to cry as she continued to console him. Their tears were shared, trying to end the ones of pain.

"Please! I was just one move off." Nick grumbled as he walked down the hall of the floor reserved for the Backstreet Boys tour. "One move is enough. You're spending an extra hour with Fatima tomorrow." Kevin ordered of him. "Lay off him Kev." Howie advised, walking steadily behind the arguing two. "Are we playing tonight?" Aaron asked, trying to catch up to his older brother. "Yeah, my room." A.J. hollered out from behind them as he walked with Irish. "Okay, but I'm the car!" Irish called out. "You're always the car!" Howie argued with a ginger smile. "Becuase I run your ass over each time." Irish snickered. "Irish!" Meelah snapped, slapping Irish's arm. "Damn, I can't ever curse." Irish complained. She felt a sharp slap to her arm again as Meelah gave her a stern look. "I'm the shoe then." Howie interjected between the battling women. "So you can kick ass?" A.J. asked with a laugh. "Yours!" Howie boasted. "Boy, don't make me Boardwalk you again." A.J. teased with a intriguing smile. "I want the ship!" Aaron yelled back to them. "Ain't it past your bed time little boy?" A.J. teased him. Aaron smiled joyfully and winked. "Yes, it is!" Nick said, pulling his little brother by the shirt. "Hey!" Aaron called out with distress.

"Are you going to play tonight?" Misha asked Brian as they carried the back end of the group. Brian's head was hanging low and a frown covered his face. "No." he replied hoarsely. Misha placed her arm around his shoulders and walked him towards her room. "Me neither. You can chill with me tonight." she suggested. Misha forced open the door to her room and let Brian creep inside. She followed him inside, watching his every step as he walked over to her bed.

Brian fell onto the bed with exhaustion. Misha sighed softly and then closed the door. "Have you called Justin?" she asked, walking away from the door and dropping her bag near the bed. "No." Brian replied with a strong depression. Misha frowned and circled her way to the dresser. "Well why not?" she questioned, pulling open the top drawer. She fiddled through the clothing while awaiting a reply. "I'm scared to." Brian answered finally. "Scared?" Misha tried to further his words. Brian closed his eyes and pulled his arms back so his hands support his head while laying. "I can't handle crying another night with him." Brian stated. He coughed sorely, grasping his chest with one hand. Misha glanced over to him with suspicion. "Well we all cry with our loved ones over the phone when we're gone." Misha tried to bring the attention back to the discussion. "Yeah... I guess." Brian agreed without argument. "But I kind of get the feeling Justin loves hearing from you anyways. He is after your... your husband." Misha added promptly. Brian smiled at the mention of Justin being his husband. "And a wonderful husband at that." Brian agreed with a smile. Misha grinned along with him, throwing some clothes into her bag.

"So are you going to call him?" Misha asked again, sitting on the edge of the bed to remove her Nike's. Brian sighed, rubbing his eyes. "He's probably out with Jonathan now... getting dinner or something." Brian replied, turning to his side. "So call his cell phone." Misha insisted, looking back at him. Brian shook his head, wanting to call Justin but refusing to. His body was too sick for him to call Justin and hint to his problem. "Boy you are stubborn." Misha giggled, pulling her legs up on the bed.

Brian admired the honey-toned woman. Her hair shagged from side to side yet nicely finished with golden tips onto brown hair. Her eyes deep in their brown color. Her smile bright in it's glossy tint. She wore a white hoody with her tan khaki's. She felt comfortable and at ease, especially near Brian. Like her sister Irish, Misha had grown closer to Brian and A.J. than the others due to Brian and A.J.'s openess with them.

"Well don't have Justin worrying about you. Irish talked to him earlier and he seemed to want to talk to his husband greatly!" Misha once again added to her argument. Brian nodded and closed his eyes. "Someone should kick your butt for being such an ass." Misha said, laughing at Brian's lack of interest. "I'll call... but not now." Brian replied softly. "Hey, it's your husband, not mine." Misha backed away from the conversation. "Oh, like you've called Tony today?" Brian's eyes dirfted back open to smile at Misha. "Actually, twice. This morning to check on the baby and then before we hit the venue to check on him." Misha replied with a winning smile. Brian rolled his eyes at her before rolling back onto his backside.

"And how is Tony Jr.?" Brian pondered. Misha exhaled with a flattering smile. "He's cranky and missing mommy... but he's living and healthy." Misha answered. She kept her frown inside. "How do you do it?" Brian asked, trying to get a blunt answer from her. "Do what?" Misha asked with confusion. Brian giggled, rolling his eyes again. "How can you be an on the road mom?" Brian explained his question. Misha groaned and laid her head against the wall. "It's hell most times." Misha grumbled. "I mean picture leaving your baby at home while you're on the road for a month or something. It's hard enough leaving a loved one behind but if it's your child, it's so much more rougher." Misha stated, twiddling her thumbs. Brian listened with intrigue. "I mean I miss Tony Jr. so much. He doesn't have mommy there to baby him all the time. Tony does a pretty good job with our son though. He's always there for him. It's just I want to be there to help Tony like a family would." Misha let her sorrow take over her savory voice. "So does Tony find it hard to raise the baby without you?" Brian questioned, returning to his side to look at her. Misha nodded. "He calls sometimes just to find out little things to get Tony Jr. to sleep and all. Tony's adjusting though. He's got it pretty much under control now." Misha replied. "At least the baby will be close to his father." Brian granted. "And his mother. After this tour, I'm asking for about another month off from touring. I'll probably try and get Orish to go back out with Meelah and Irish while I stay at home with my boyfriend and the baby." Misha responded with confidence. "That's important." Brian agreed.

Misha smiled, thinking to herself of her dreams. "I want us to be somewhere in like New York or Michigan for Christmas so Tony Jr. can see snow for the first time!" Misha exasperated. "Oh, I know the baby will enjoy that." Brian nodded with his reply. Misha stayed silent, sensing something was within the questions Brian was asking. "Well what about you and Justin?" Misha questioned. Brian shrugged, not feeling as confident with what was happening. "Come on B-Rok. I heard through the rumor mill that you and Justin want to adopt." Misha coaxed him. She nudged him with her foot, trying to get a smile to burn across his gentle face. "Who blabbed this time?" Brian questioned. Misha giggled and looked away from him. "Your loving cousin." Misha answered softly. "Oh you mean the bastard who's against me and my husband raising a child and being happy period?" Brian spoke in a soft yet sharp tongue. Misha's face lost it's smile, raising her brow at him. "Definition of Kevin lately." Brian tried to joke. Misha shrugged it off.

"So you do want a baby don't you?" Misha questioned with a glorious smile. She was pleased to know something about Brian that once again showed his gentle soul. Brian kept an angelic smile as he thought of her question. "We want to name the baby Angel." Brian sighed happily. "Angel? That is so beautiful... so genuine." Misha chimed. "It's the word I think of when I think of Justin," Brian replied. "Wow! That's wonderful." Misha's smile was filled with curiosity and happiness for Brian. "I miss him so much." Brian felt his heart breaking once again, thinking of Justin. "It's okay Brian. I know how you feel." Misha whispered. Brian nodded, releived that Misha was in the same position he was.

"When do you two want to adopt?" Misha asked carefully. Brian thought over the question, running a finger over the sheets. "I haven't said this to Justin... but I actually want to adopt as soon as possible," Brian replied softly. Brian pictured Justin under the sheet as he traced his finger over it. "I'm ready to be a father. Plus Justin... he'll make the perfect daddy. He's so wonderful with kids and everytime I'm around him, I think about us with a baby boy. Me and him raising a baby together." Brian added. Misha took in all of his words, computing everything as if she knew what to expect and what not to. "It's hard when you're on the road and away from the baby." Misha reminded him. Brian sighed lowly. "That's what I'm afraid of actually. Me being away from my family. I don't want Justin to feel like he has to just handle things when I go on the road." Brian responded. His words were low and mixed with the sickness in his tone. "Justin won't feel like that. The most you'll have to worry about is Angel missing one of his fathers." Misha assured him. "I want to try and make sure that doesn't happen though. I mean we have some control over how our tours go. I want to take Justin and Angel with me half of the time. Sharing hotel rooms and things. I want to always be close to the two people that mean so much to me." Brian let his dreams loose into the room. Misha was in awe at Brian's feelings. She saw something in him she didn't see in the other guys. Brian was ready for something that most guys weren't but Brian was also in love with his husband beyond a normal relationship. Misha could see love that was never ending between the two.

"Call him." Misha suggested flatly. Brian laughed at her straightforward attitude. "It's too late. I need to get to bed." Brian replied, coughing lowly. "You need medicine." Misha giggled. Brian nodded and sat up on the bed. His body was aching but he kept his face from grimacing. "Thanks Misha." Brian commented, standing. "For what?" Misha asked, relaxing even more on the bed. "For listening to me go on and on about how I love my husband." Brian smiled weakly. "Brian... you are a true Romeo." Misha cooed. Brian giggled. "I hope you get your 'Angel' soon Brian. You and Justin look like you'd make the best of parents for a baby." Misha added with a happy expression. "You think so?" Brian pondered, walking for the door. "If you're the Romeo you seem to be.. I think it'll be a happy ending to the play." Misha gave a puzzling reply. Brian just sighed and exited the room, leaving Misha to her thoughts about the Littrells.

Brian was stumbling down the hall when he finally reached Tommy's room. Tommy was exiting just as Brian made his appearance known. "Tommy..." Brian said as Tommy began to close the door. Tommy turned around in surprise. "Geez Brian! Scare me why don't ya." Tommy let out, still stunned. "Tommy... uhm, can I use your laptop for a sec?" Brian requested, overlooking Tommy's surprise. Tommy regained his composure. "Yeah sure..." Tommy replied, pushing his door back open. "It's over there on the bed and it's already on. I'm sure you know how to work the rest." Tommy added, letting Brian step inside. Brian scracthed his head and thought over what he needed to do. "Do you need my help with it?" Tommy asked, watching Brian stammer to the bed. "No... I just need to use the Internet for a second." Brian replied. "Okay, I'll be down in A.J.'s room. The guys have challenged me and Dennis to a game of Poker. They don't know what they're in for." Tommy cheered. His grin was humorous to Brian. "Have fun." Brian giggled. "You too." Tommy waved as he exited. Brian set up the laptop and began to work on what he needed.

"Boring... boring... boring..." Justin was commenting on the work he read on the Official 'N Sync Page. "And how old are these interviews?" Justin grumbled when reading his bio. "Well at least I don't have to worry about them putting anything real about me out there." he smiled, clicking on another link.

Justin was seated in his husband's office at their home. He was trying to rid himself of his depression. Justin had yet to receive a call from his husband and was even more depressed to know he was alone. Britney had taken Jonathan with her on her 'date' with Joey and none of the other guys had call Justin for anything. Justin knew that Lance was probably busy at the office again, J.C. would be brooding over Nick and Chris would be at home or visiting relatives.

"You've got mail!" Justin heard the computer chime. Justin gave the computer an odd stare. "Mail?" Justin pondered, accessing his e-mail account. 'Mail?' Justin thought in his mind as he shifted to his new messages. He found his latest message and looked at the subject title: 'You're my Angel'. Justin grinned with love. 'It can't be from him.' Justin thought as he clicked on the message.

Dear Justin,

First of all, I love you baby. I love you SO MUCH. I'm here in Tommy's room writing you because it's late and I've got to get to bed soon. But I couldn't go to bed without talking or saying something to the man of my life.

I've been thinking about us Justin. About how much me and you want a baby. I really do want us to have a baby. I want it so bad now. So when I get home, I want me and you to call every adoption agency in Florida and I want us to find a child of our own. I want Angel to be home by New Years. Wouldn't that be nice? Kissing at midnight while our baby watching the fireworks? Or snuggling next to the fire on Christmas day while we let Angel play with toys? With those three charms Britney and Joey gave us saying, 'Brian, Justin and Angel'. I won't ever let you be alone baby. I love you and our son or daughter will have a happy life.

Now back to how much I miss you. I do Justin!!! I truly miss you. Look at me, crying while I write a damn e-mail. Oh well. We've been trying to have fun on tour but it's been hard. Irish is really excited about you coming on tour soon. Me and Misha hang out alot and talk about things. Mainly you cutie. I guess when you're in love, that person stays on your mind all of the time. I can't tell you how much you mean to me in this e-mail Justin. Let's just say when I hold you... I'm in another world that no one knows about. If I need to tell someone something, you're like my own diary. I can open up to you, hold you, kiss you, make love to you, smile at you and everything! Now I'm sounding sappy but I guess it's because... well 'Just'.

When you get into France, I'm going to try and have something special for you, okay? Only because I miss you!!! Okay, enough of that. I love you baby. Tommy will kill me if I drain his lap top. So i want you to know that I am thinking of you. I miss having someone to hold at night. Nick's been offering but he's not as cute as my baby. :) You're my angel. I miss kissing you too. Have you ever been a husband who can't.... you know with his husband every night? I think I forgot what jacking off means baby. HAH HAH! Anyways, don't cry Justin. I know you miss me as much as I miss you. But I have your bracelet and I wear it every where I go to remember you. Just hold onto that cross and remember me. I promise you that you'll have your 'Brian Littrell' the minute you come to France. Tell that little rugrat of a brother of mine that his older brother Brian says, "Hi".

With all of my heart and everything else,

Brian Thomas Littrell (your husband)

P.S. Keep doing your push up's everyday Justin. When I see you in France, we have to make up for two weeks of not having sex. And uhm... I love your abs (but I love your smile the most!). So work out and I'll leave you something to think about. I found this on the Internet for you. It's been awhile since we made love cutie...

Justin's smile was the light of the room. He was caught up in the words of the letter that he received from Brian. "I love you..." Justin whispered, running his fingers over the screen. Small tears glazed his soft cheeks, but they were tears of joy and not of sadness. He sniffled and smiled at the screen. 'Thank you God for him...' Justin didn't let the words caress his lips yet stay in his mind. He ran a hand through his strawberry blonde hair with pleasure. It was something about Paris, France that made Justin know romance and life had not left their marriage. "I miss you..." Justin sighed, wanting to write Brian back with his words of love.

He re-read the P.S. and then decided to click on the link to find out what surprise Brian had left him. 'What did that little joker leave me this time.' Justin thought to himself, waiting for a picture to load on the screen. Justin looked down at the keyboard, staring at his gold ring while waiting. He heard a chime on the computer and looked up. Justin's eyes grew larger as he stared harder at the screen. The picture was perfectly sized but surprising to Justin. There Brian sat in an old Victorian-like chair. His hair seemed wet and his faced slightly angered. One foot was proped on a foot stool while the other on the ground. His body was that of an Adonis. His hands rested on his legs. Justin's eyes were glued on the picture. Brian was nude, fully from head to toe. His member was fully erect and resting on his stomach. It was him in his full glory. "No... it can't be..." Justin looked harder at the picture. "I mean it does... no, it can't be him," Justin was unsure as he looked. "Wait, I know how my husband looks... that's not him. There's no scar on his chest, his hands are a little smaller and well... just a little longer down there." Justin giggled. He admired the picture for a few more seconds before closing the file. "But it was kind of close." Justin laughed, scooting away from the computer.

Just Beginning (Chapter 28) Written by JM

The screams were strong and powerful in the arena. The crowd was swaying to the music and cheering along. 702 was on stage performing 'Steelo' as fans sang along with them. Brian was leaning against a pole backstage watching the performance. He had a small drop of sweat running down his face. He knew he had a fever but he was scared to admit to it. In two more days he would be seeing his husband and the thought made him smile. He had managed to go almost two weeks without him, but he had been fighting the flu for a little shorter of the time. His eyes were watering due to his fever. He was dressed in the first outfit he would have to wear onstage and it was not comfortable for him. 'Damn, I won't be able to handle this.' Brian said to himself, wiping away the drop of sweat.

"Hold up, hold up, hold up... Madrid!!! I've got one question for ya'll..." Irish smiled as she interrupted the intro to the next song. "I said Madrid, I've got one question!" she pumped the crowd even more. Misha giggled at her younger sister while Meelah took a breath from the intense performing. "All my ladies... can I ask ya'll something?" Irish chimed. She received a strong reply. "I wanna know... Where my girls at?!" Irish shouted. She got a powerful scream back. "Are my girls over here?" Irish asked, pointing to one half of the arena. "Or are my girls over here?" Irish winked towards the other side. The crowd was in full awe of the group. "Misha, where your girls at?" Irish asked, hearing the music start again. "If ya'll with me, put one hand up!" Misha ran across the stage with her shout. "Eh Meelah, where your girls at?" Irish asked of her friend, walking towards her. "From the front to the back!" Meelah called back. "Then if ya'll my girls and you down with me, put both hands up!" Irish got the crowd moving even more.

The ladies of 702 began to dance to the intro, each in sequence with the other. Meelah was in the middle ready to begin her verse. She was amazed at how many people were in the crowd. 'Damn... the Backstreet Boys know how to pack a house.' she thought to herself, dancing in step. She shrugged and prepared to sing her verse.

See, he's my property

And any girl that fronts

I might just call your bluff

Cause I don't give a...

Who are you to call my cell

Oh, I'ma wish you well

Cause any girl that tried has failed, no

Irish ran past Meelah to the otherside of the round stage to get the rest of the crowd singing with them. "On this side... tell me where my girls at?!" Irish called out before her and Misha joined Meelah for the chorus.

Where my girls at?

From the front to back

Well is you feelin' that?

Well put one hand up

Can you repeat that?

Tryin' to take my man

See I don't need that

So don't play ya'self

Meelah laughed at Irish's wild antics before walking over to Misha. She slapped hands with Misha before her eyes concentrated on the crowd.

Hey, hey, hey, hey

Don't you violate me

Cause I'ma make you hate me

If you decide to mess with mine

Chump, you down to size

Make you realize

You don' messed up this time

They repeated the chorus with enthusiasm. Irish looked towards the backstage and saw Brian watching on. She waved to him with a loving smile. "Where my boys at?! Huh?" Irish called out to the crowd. She danced with Misha for minues before they all walked forward to perform the bridge.

You must learn the rules

Don't come close to

Anything that belongs to me

He is mine

My property (so...)

So you must leave

(Where my yeah)

The girls of 702 gathered together and made their way to the far right side of the stage. "Well hey hey hey, where my girls at on the right?!" they said in unison. They got their fan loving yell back. They kept a smile as they ran to the far left side. "Well hey hey hey, where my girls at on the left?!" they yelled out together. "And uh oh!" Irish bellowed, making Misha and Meelah run with her to the middle. "Where my boys at in the middle?!" they screamed. "Yo Meelah, where the girls at?" Irish asked, causing each to break out into the chorus again.

Where my girls at?

From the front to back

Well is you feelin' that?

Well put one hand up

Can you repeat that?

Tryin' to take my man

See I don't need that

So don't play ya'self

Brian sighed and felt a hand on his shoulder. "Eh Brian, did you call Justin today?" Nick asked, trying to reach his voice over the noise. "Yes." Brian replied with a hoarse voice. "What did he say?" Nick asked, trying to strick up a conversation with his friend. "He said that when he sees me we're going to fuck in the V.I.P. lounge until they kick us out." Brian replied with a smile. "Ill you little fucker. I didn't want to know that." Nick laughed, lightly pushing Brian. "You asked though." Brian giggled. "Shame on me then." Nick shook his head at Brian. "You feeling all right? I heard you... vomitting earlier." Nick was cautious of his question. Brian drooped his ehad slightly and stared at the floor. "I feel like shit." Brian groaned lowly. "Maybe you shouldn't preform tonight." Nick advised, keeping a firm grip on Brian's shoulder. "No... the show must go on." Brian replied, coughing hard. Nick shook his head at Brian's stubborn behavior. "If you say so Frick... but what about Justin? I mean he wouldn't want you to wear yourself out halfway through the tour." Ncik did his best to discourage him. Brian lifted his head and saw that 702's set was almost over. "We've got prayer to get to." Brian let the subject change. He pulled away from Nick and walked towards the area disegnated for the Backstreet Boys. Nick sighed loudly. 'Don't fuck up Brian...' he thought to himself, pulling his hair back. He ran after Brian so that he would not miss the group prayer.

"Before we go, I want all of you to enjoy this next part of the concert. It's for of course five of the finest looking men in the business..." Misha announced to the crowd. As she did, the girls of the crowd grew louder with their screams. "I think ya'll know them as the Backstreet Boys?" Misha giggled, knowing she was teasing the crowd. They all screamed fort their favorite Backstreet Boys member with enthusiasm. "Now who's ya'll favorite? Because you know... Howie and A.J. are rather cute." Misha grinned at the crowd. "Wait, it has to be Kevin and Nick?" Meelah joined in with laughter. "No, how about Brian!" Irish jumped in. They all enjoyed letting the girls get excited by their teasing. "Well ya'll know Howie's birthday's tomorrow right?" Meelah reminded the crowd. "Yep, tomorrow." Misha nodded. "So wish him a happy birthday!" Irish giggled. The crowd screamed out for Howie. "And don't sit down ya'll. Nick likes to see ya'll dancing around." Meelah added, getting eveyone to stand in the full arena. "Oh and I want ya'll to keep screaming. Brian's been missing a friend of his lately and he needs ya'll to keep him going, okay?" Irish became slightly serious with the crowd in concern for Brian. "But otherwise have a good time and get ready for the BACKSTREET BOYS!!!" Meelah yelled out, exiting the stage with her two counterparts.

The Backstreet Boys were awaiting the stage crew to finish setting up the stage. It wasn't a bad wait as they all needed some quiet time to prepare for the show. "Don't cake on the make-up or anything!" A.J. complained as a stylist fixed his face. "You need as much as you can get." Howie snickered. "Watch it D." A.J. warned him. "When is Kevin going to get off the phone with Nikki?" Nick complained, sitting in a chair next to Brian. Brian's head was leaning on Nick's shoulder. He was trying hard not to let the others see how sick he had become. "They're working out their phone sex plans for tonight." A.J. sneered. "Aaawww, then why isn't Nick?" Howie joked along. "It was just ONE time." Nick grumbled. Brian grabbed his head with the sound. "Could ya'll be quieter." Brian requested. "Gt up." Kevin nudged him as he walked by. "Howie, make sure you get the right mic tonight. We don't want any repeats of the other night." Kevin ordered of Howie. "Punta." Howie said lowly. "Call me a bitch again and I'll show you a bitch." Kevin warned him, walking past him. "Nick, check your zipper because the girls of Spain didn't need a fourth edition of Free Willy." Kevin said with seriousness. A.J. found it in humor, causing Kevin to look at him harshly. "Brian... drink some more tea before we head onstage. I want your vocals warmed up at least by the middle of the show." Kevin instruced without feeling. Brian rolled his eyes at Kevin and remained in his position. "Brian Thomas Littrell...." Kevin began his ordering. "Kevin Scott Richardson... leave the boy alone." A.J. demanded.

"Guys, two minutes before show time." Denise McLean announced as she walked to the backstage. Kevin backed off of Brian with distaste. "It's okay Rok." Nick hugged onto Brian. "I'll be fine." Brian tried to pull away, become aggravated with everyone's want to help him. "We're heading onstage Boys, get ready." Tommy informed them before joining the others onstage. "Come on all you goofs." A.J. got himself hyped up, checking his headset one last time. "One for the road?" Howie looked around to make sure everyone was set. "What time is it Backstreet?!" a security guard called out. "It's time to go to work!!!" the Backstreet Boys replied in a loud, echoing unison. "What kind of work is it?" the security guard asked. "HARD WORK!!! HUH!!!" they all barked back. "Like Nick's dick!" A.J. added on, laughing after his joke. "Because I'm getting some." Nick snapped back. "Ooh, does J.C. know?" Howie once again helped A.J. with their teasing of Nick. "Fuck you both." Nick gripped. A.J. looked at Howie and they both smiled. "Mmm, NAH!!!" A.J. and Howie laughed together. Nick flipped them off before walking towards the area they were to enter the stage on. "Hey Bri, do you want to go with us when we pick up Justin and the guys?" A.J. offered, placing an arm around Brian. "A.J., if I... if I get sick and run off stage, I need you to sing my parts for me." Brian gave a slow and soft answer. A.J. stared at his friend with heartfilled concern. "I need someone to cover for me because... I'm real nauseous right now." Brian informed him. "Brian, no. You're not getting on stage then." A.J. stopped he and Brian's steps. "Don't treat me like a kid. Please Bone, for once help me out." Brian pleaded his request. A.J. looked right into Brian's baby blue eyes and thought over his request. "Okay Rok, just this one time. The next time your ass gets sick, you are not performing." A.J. warned him. Brian nodded, his eyes drifting open and closed. "God Kev is going to kill me for this one." A.J. groaned, helping Brian up to the steps.

Sweat covered their bodies. The sounds of girls filled the arena but the music of the Backstreet Band filled their ear pieces. The dancers were worn yet still going. The heat of Madrid wasn't as mild as everyone wanted but enough to keep them from losing all of their strength. They were more than half way through the concert and things were going on different levels. The Backstreet Boys kept their smiles as they preformed to show there were no problems.

"Tell them to increase the sound in Howie's mic." Kevin informed one of the stagehands on the side. He stood near the backstage, wiping his face of the sweat. After performing 'We've Got It Goin' On', he seemed a bit more tired than usual. He took a deep beath and sighed. "Can I get a water?" A.J. requested, stepping towards the backstage as the band warmed up for 'Spanish Eyes'. "Kevin, watch Tommy for the next two songs because he's playing with Guido again." A.J. laughed. Kevin ignored his words while he scanned the stage. Kevin eyed Brian while A.J. grabbed his water from a technician. He watched Brian take a seat on one of the edges near the band and wait for the others. He felt shakey towards Brian's condition but noticed Brian keeping full speed for the full night. 'As long as he keeps his voice strong, he can do this.' Kevin decided. He shrugged and dropped his small, white towel nearby his feet. "Let's go A.J." Kevin called for A.J. before leaving back towards the stage. "Damn." A.J. complained, dropping his bottled water near the towel. "Give me the guitar in my right and Nick or Howie in my left." A.J. informed the sound technician before running towards the stage.

Here we are in the arms of one another

And we still go on searching for each other

Knowing that hate is wrong and love is

Right for us tonight

When I look into your Spanish eyes

I know the reason why I am alive

And the world is so beautiful tonight

Howie sung his verse on key, watching all of the girls croon for him. Howie let his shirt slip open slightly to tease the girls. He smiled flirtatiously and then turned towards Nick. He nodded towards Nick and then looked for the others to start the chorus. Sweat broke from his forehead as the melody began to carry towards the chorus. He glanced to the side and saw Brian running fom the stage. 'Now where the hell is he going?' Howie pondered. He cocked his eyebrow at him and then shrugged. 'Somebody better fucking sing his part.' Howie grumbled in his mind. He stoon heard A.J.'s baritone voice take over for the part Brian missed.

It's a place I've never been

And it comes from deep within

And it's telling me that I'm about to win first prize

Knowing all I have to do

Is reach out my hand to you

Anytime I want to look into your Spanish eyes

Brian lifted his head when he heard A.J. finish the chorus with the others. His face was flushed and he had just emptied a piece of himself into the toilet of the backstage. He wasn't close enough to get back to the stage before his next part. He felt Nick start his verse as he grabbed his head. 'Oh shit...' Brian's eyes bugged with a lost sense. His body was shaking and his head was throbbing. He felt his knees becoming weak as he stood. He began to stumble out of the dressing room and back down towards the stage.

"Brian?" Denise looked at Brian as he began to pass by. She gave him an odd look. 'What's wrong with him?' she pondered as his steps became shorter. "Ca.. call... call an..." Brian's words never finished. His body was worn and he had no chance of making the next step forward. As he lifted his foot, his body gave out on him. As if in slow motion for the perfect shot in a movie, Brian's body leaned forward and then fell. His body slammed into the floor of the backstage, creating a loud noise. His eyes were shut and his breathed slowed. His body was sprawled over the small area of the floor. The effects of his sickness had taken their toll, leaving Brian unable to help himself.

"OH MY LORD!!!" Denise called out when she saw Brian laying across the floor. Her swift feet carried her over to Brian while others began to gather around him with curiosity and concern. "Call an ambulance now! Get them off the stage and give him space." Denise began to bark out orders while trying to check Brian's vitals. Just as quick as she had ran to him, workers began to make their moves to help Brian and inform others. Denise pulled Brian's head into her lap and she cradled it, trying to awaken him.

"What happened?" Aaron asked as he finally made it past workers in the backstage area. "Jesus! Aaron, try and get Nick's attention and tell him Brian has fainted back here and we're trying to get him medical help." Denise instructed the young boy. Aaron stared down at Brian with mystery. "Go Aaron!" Denise finally hollered at him. Aaron shook before running towards the edge of the front. "Ju... Justin..." Brian groaned, peeking his eyes open with pain. "Sgtay with me Brian." Denise pleaded. "I... I ne.. need.. my... ba.. bab.... baby...." Brian's words were soft and spread apart. "He's not here right now Brian but he'll be here soon." Denise assured him, rubbing his head. "Ju... Justin.. ca... call... call my.. m... my ba.. bab... baby... ple... please..." Brian's words began again. "Please Brian, save your strength. I'll call him the second we get you out of here." Denise promised him. She had never faced such a sudden incident and was unsure of how to respond to Brian's actions. She did her best to keep him awake while waiting.

"What's wrong?" she heard a voice ask as 'Spanish Eyes' ended. "What's Aaron talking about?!" another voice shouted, rushing to Denise's side. "There's a room available with three medics!" an engineer informed Denise. All of the striking voices clustered her mind. She listened to the last voice she heard and channeled the others out. "Help him up." she gave her instructions to the closest technicians. They followed what she said thoroughly while Kevin pushed others aside. "Whatever the next number is, do it and do it now." Denise put her hand up to stop Kevin. "Where's Brian? What's wrong with him?!" Kevin becamed angered with her. "Waht did I say?" Denise kept pushing him backward. Nick edged by the fueding two and ran after the technicians carrying Brian. "Do I look like I care what you said?! What's wrong with my cousin!" Kevin barked at her. "Come on little boy." A.J. pulled on Kevin without reservation. "You guys have two minutes to get back onstage before the next song starts." one of the P.A.'s informed Kevin and A.J. "Howie can't hold down the crowd alone." A.J. agreed, still tugging on Kevin. "What about Brian?" Kevin snatched away from A.J. violently. "Go!" Denise made her anger known. "How can we perform the song without him?!" Kevin barked loudly. "One minute." the P.A. looked down at his watch as he spoke. "I don't care if we have thiry seconds, I'm staying." Kevin stood strong.

"Get Nick, tell him he's singing Brian's parts for 'I'll Never Break Your Heart'. Tell Howie give us two more seconds. Mom, find out what's going on with Brian and keep us updated. Kevin, get your ass on stage!" A.J.'s words were steady and strong. He gave no one a chance to respond as he ran for the front of the stage. "Let's go Train." Nick grabbed the sleeve of Kevin's jacket and began pulling him. Kevin wanted to protest but Denise's eyes left no room for protest. He had no choice but to give into what they wanted of him.

"Excuse me Ms. McLean..." a soft voice spoke up. Denise sighed and turned to face her questioner. She saw Aaron Carter's troubled face greet her. "Yes Aaron, honey?" she gave him an equally disturbed face. "Do you think Brian will be okay?" he questioned. Denise closed her eyes and drooped her head. "Pray for him Aaron. He's pushed as much as he can." she sighed out. Aaron sucked in his lower lip and turned his eyes back to the room where they had brought Brian. 'Please be okay B-Rok.' he thought to himself with innocence.

"Hot night boys." Howie cheered, grabbing a towel from one of the bodyguards. "Spain's loving it though." A.J. smiled, picking up his bottled water. "Yeah, without Brian." Nick exhaled out. "Well let's find out what's wrong with ol' B-Rok, shall we?" A.J. threw his arm around Nick with a smile. 'Let him be okay... I don't want him to go away...' Nick let a few tears build in his eyes. 'What's wrong with you? Are you trying to fall in love with him again? Are you trying to ruin what you and Josh have? Get a clue.' Nick's conscience was strong in thought. He was disoriented for minutes as he and A.J. walked down corridors towards the room Brian was in. "You two might as well stop because I'm going in before any of you." Kevin warned them, causing their walk to slow. "Go on ahead while I express my feelings to el bitch ass." A.J. whispered to Nick. Nick nodded and strided out and away from A.J. 'I think I do love him more than I know.' Nick's thoughts continued with his walk.

"Do you need a good old fashion ass whipping to loosen yourself up?" A.J. asked, spinning on his heels to look at Kevin. "Are you offering? Because if you are you might want to save that trash talking for Nick and J.C. or Brian and Justin." Kevin eyed A.J. Howie slid past the two, fearing the coming battle. "Ooh, are you trying to challenge my sexuality?" A.J. smiled, looking for the challenge. "I think every other person in the world has their thoughts about you. Personally, you can fuck who you want to since you already made one baby." Kevin shot his arrow to A.J.'s head. "Bastard." A.J. hissed. "Now name calling won't get you anywhere Alexander. I thought you figured that out last time we tango'd." Kevin grinned. "Your right, me putting your hand through the wall did some good too." A.J. gave his raspy reply. "Funny, my fist to your eye sounded like a better plan." Kevin stepped up to A.J. with a blue flame in his saphire eyes. "Ooh, bring it on Kevy. I like to beat somebody's ass before I go home." A.J. balled his fist with his taunting smile. "When I'm done with you, you'll be broken Bones." Kevin grumbled, edging nearer to A.J.

"Hey, cut this out." Meelah came between the two brooding men. "Oh we're just going to have some good old fashion fun Meelah, nothing you should worry about." Kevin gripped, trying to by-pass her. "Oh I'm going to drop your ass WCW style boy." A.J. roared. "Don't you mean Pee Wee Wrestling?" Kevin let loose another taunt. "Stop it. You're acting like children when everyone needs to worry about Brian." Meelah prevented each from getting to the other. "I'm mopping the floor with you." Kevin growled. "You won't even get a good hit you little bitch." A.J. hissed. "Stop it you childish, idiotic, no good, triflin', scrub-like, ugly ass, wannabe dumb ass bitches." Meelah's words were heard by the many that were backstage. "Ooh, cat fight!" Tommy egged on the scene from behind.

"Wow... did Chris teach you all of that?" Kevin's words turned to Meelah. "Don't bring my boyfriend into this." Meelah eyed him with anger. "Boyfriend?! Don't you two work fast." Kevin tiffed her. When his words finished, his left cheek was met by a swift palm. Meelah's slap was loud and well heard. Kevin's face jerked slightly, caught off guard by Meelah's action. "Bitch slapped!" A.J. chuckled from behind Meelah. "What the hell did you do that for?!" Kevin barked at her, recovering from the shock. "I don't care who you are, what you do and how much you get paid, you will not insult me or my boyfriend ever." Meelah snarled. A.J. crossed his arms and let Meelah continue with her dispute with Kevin.

"And your girls right here." Irish chimed, walking up to the scene. "So A.J.'s got to have girls fight for him now? It's a shame Missy didn't write that song about true girls because then ya'll would know A.J. has no business in Brian's life just like Irish has none in Justin's." Kevin let his words come out with full force. "See now I'm going to drop you like a fake Prada bag in New York City." Irish jumped up, being caught by A.J. before her flying fists could catch Kevin's face. "You just better watch your back!!!" Irish howled at him, letting A.J. carry her to the side. "I will snap like a pitbull that hasn't been fed in a month and you're the doggy treat. I might just get a straight jacket because I'm so crazy!" Irish continued with her shouts from the side as A.J. did his best to calm her. "Don't fuck with me." Meelah warned him softly but with a stern emphasis. She walked away from him and let the scene die down.

"Are you finished now?" Kevin looked towards a door and saw Nick standing with his arms crossed. Kevin nodded and walked towards Nick. "To think you're twenty-seven." Nick shook his head at Kevin as he walked in the room. "Save it for your boyfriend. How is he?" Kevin asked softly, watching as medics and other personnel filled the room. "Oh he's fine. You know we haven't talked in days but you know Paris... I mean don't come knocking if my bed Josh's rocking." Nick snickered with delight. Kevin didn't take the joke in as well as he did. "You know what I mean... I'm not in the mood tonight." Kevin grumbled. "Well ask Denise then Kev. She knows all the details." Nick shrugged. "Gee... somebody needs some nookie from Nikki." Nick commented, walking away from Kevin before leaving the room.

Kevin approached Denise with concerned eyes. She saw him approaching and then sighed lowly. "What... what's wrong with him?" Kevin's voice dropped. "He has pharyngitis Kevin." Denise replied softly. Kevin's eyes widened with disbelief. "He can't stay." Denise whispered, looking away from the sickened Brian. "What do you mean?" Kevin questioned. "I already talked to Jive and the Firm. He can't stay." Denise repeated with little explaination. "What does that mean though?" Kevin prodded for an answer. "It means that with pharyngitis, Brian can't handle singing for another two weeks. The doctors already said so. He has to go home to Orlando and relax and he's being pulled from the tour. You guys will start rehearsals for a new show tomorrow morning in France and he won't be back for the rest of the tour if things don't get better." Denise explained everything with a clear voice. "But we... we can't do this without him. He can't just leave." Kevin's words were overlooked with Brian sitting up. "He's going home. Me and him leave at five AM Kevin. He knows he's leaving and he's just as upset as you guys will be but his body can't do another two weeks." Denise argued with patience. "Can't he just sit on stage and sing every night? You know, none of the dancing or whatever." Kevin tried to plead a case. "Kevin, do you know understand? His pharynx is inflammed and he can't take much more. He needs medical attention and lots of rest." Denise dispelled. Kevin began his case again but Denise stopped him. "Call his husband and let him know. Brian will be at home by himself but I'm going to try and get Jackie to come down and take care of him for awhile." Denise butted in. She patted Kevin's shoulder and then walked away. Kevin's eyes turned to Brian and he saw the tears in Brian's eyes. "How can I call his husband at a time like this." Kevin sighed.

Just Beginning (Chapter 29) Written by JM

The ride wasn't shakey but smooth. Denise focused her eyes on the skies outside of the plane. She enjoyed the beauty of the world below her as the plane traveled towards Orlando, Florida. "Nothing like a plane ride to make you feel better." Denise murmured, turning her head away from the small window. Her eyes brought their attention upon the young Brian Littrell. He was flipping through a magazine with his lower lip pouting. "Is that a no?" Denise nudged him for an answer. Brian quickly shook his head 'yes' and continued to look at the magazine.

He stopped when he came upon a centerfold of his husband, Justin Littrell. 'Miss you.' Brian thought to himself. He had no time to say goodbye or even hello to his husband. The minute he found out he was to leave, his life was put on restriction. He had but hours to pack, time for a little sleep and then he and Denise McLean were shipped off on a plane to return to Orlando where Brian could recover. He was in the midst of a breakdown from not being able to talk to his husband and he knew that Justin was leaving for France in mere hours. Those hours that spread from their trip would keep either from seeing each other at all.

"Hmmm, looking at a picture of him? You must miss him greatly." Denise whispered, trying to keep her voice low. Brian closed his eyes and nodded again. He reopened his eyes to get one more glimpse at Justin. "Call him! That's the least you can do." Denise insisted, pulling out her cell phone for him. Brian stared at the phone while she kept her coaxing. "He wants to hear from you." Denise smiled, knowing Brian would grab the phone soon. Brian kept his resistance strong.

"Listen, I'm going o try and get some info from these lovely flight attendants. You can take my cell phone and call him if you wish. If you don't, that'll be up to you." Denise left the choice to Brian when she stood. She dropped the cell phone in his lap and shimmed past him. She gave him one last look before walking away from their seated area.

Brian stared down at the phone with unsureness. He thought of the numbers and then blanked them out. '3.. 2... 1...' the area code drifted in and out of his head. '1-800-I-LOVE-JUSTIN' Brian teased himself. "It's now or never." Brian sighed out loud. He was hoarse but he knew what he was going to do.

"Okay, so they booked us a room together or seperate?" Justin kept prying J.C. for answer he did not know of. "I told you we've been trying to find out but the hotel can't give out info right now," J.C. sighed, trying to dial Nick's number on his cell phone while Justin followed him through the airport. "Well how many days do we get off? Will I get any time alone with my baby?" Justin furthered his troubling of J.C. "We don't get days off, just maybe mornings off. Every night is a performance." J.C. replied quickly. "Well what about performing? When do we perform? After 702? Before? After Aaron?" Justin questioned frantically. "Justin, has it been that long?" J.C. turned around with frusturation. Justin stood still. "That long?" Justin pondered. "Since you've gotten laid." J.C. smiled at him. Justin quickly pushed him playfully. "Try two weeks!" Justin laughed. "Two weeks too long for the married couple I sense." J.C. laughed, throwing his arm around Justin. Justin nodded and they walked towards their friends with smiles.

Justin heard the faint sound of his cell phone ringing in his hand. His eyes glanced down to his hand as it rung louder. "Are you going to answer that?" J.C. laughed out. Justin nudged him and flipped on his phone. "Justin Randall L. here, what's happening baby?" Justin chimmed. He listened hard and heard no reply. "Hello? Did I scare you away?" Justin giggled. J.C. stared at him as they walked slower. "Who is it?" J.C. questioned lowly. Justin shrugged, still wondering himself. He heard a soft and yet raspy sound coming into the phone. "Okay, a joke's a joke but I don't do prank calls. Call Chris's line for a good time and Lance's for a bad time. See ya." Justin let the call go without hesitation. "Ooh, snappy?" J.C. snickered, watching Justin close his phone. "I have NO idea who it was." Justin pouted, placing his North Carolina hat on his head. "Aaaaw, missing your baby?" J.C. giggled. Justin nudged him again and they walked slower.

Brian continued to try and speak into the phone as the operator came on. "Please hang up and try again...." Brian quickly clicked the cell phone off. He tried to speak again and his voice came out even lower. 'He couldn't hear me.' Brian sighed to himself. His fever was catching him and he felt himself become a little more weaker. He shook his head with sadness. 'My one chance.' Brian pouted. He turned his eyes down to the magazine. It was the latest issue of Tiger Beat that he held, still with the picture of Justin laying in his lap. He exhaled lowly and began to flip through the magazine again. He stopped when he came to the article titled 'Justin In Wonderland...' Brian giggled to himself and then began to read the overview of the article. After reading a breif paragraph about Justin's life since the end of the Backstreet Boys and 'N Sync tour, Brian proceeded to read the interview.

TB: So have you been relaxing much since the end of the tour?

JT: I've been trying to. It's been hard to though because you know if we're not touring, we're on the run with appearances and stuff. But I've been chilling at my house with my puppy and I've been trying to have a good time. I do my best.

TB: Puppy?

JT: Oh yeah! I have a puppy named BJ. I take her on tour with me sometimes but she's been at home with me chillin'. She's a cute Japanese Spaniel. I love her.

TB: Ah, cute. Has there been times where you're not chilling with the guys of 'N Sync?

JT: Oh yes, I get time away from them. Uhm, I go see my mom a lot of the time. She's fun to hang with and my step dad too. Then I go out of town when I can to do things too but business and things keep me from doing so sometimes.

TB: Do you have any outside companies like Chris and Lance do?

JT: I mean if I had time and really had the dedication, I would. Right now, no. I try and keep up with what Chris's is doing with the Fu stuff and Lance is always keeping me in touch with his management deals and stuff but me, JC and Joey aren't into the side projects right now. It's enough for us to be big with 'N Sync.

TB: What about a personal life? Do you have time for one? Like a girlfriend?

JT: I get this question plenty of times. Yes, I do have a personal life and try to keep it just that... personal. I think fans can know about SOME things but really who I'm dating and all isn't important. As long as I'm up there singing onstage every night for them, then we should all be happy.

TB: How do you find time to date?

JT: Well I'm in a serious relationship actually right now. I know it's not what the fans want to hear but I feel like I should tell them the truth. I'm in love! And it's great actually. I have so much fun with that special person.

TB: Do you miss her on tour?

JT: No because if I'm dating someone, I tend to bring them on tour. So it's no a problem.

TB: Well what about the rumors? With Britney Spears and even the new girl... Christina Aguleria?

JT: I'm not dating either. I saw Christy the other day at a photo shoot and we talked for maybe ten minutes. I like to know what my peeps are doing from MMC. But as for Britney, she is a great friend of mine and I see her often but me and her aren't dating. She IS dating Joey, seriously. That goof finally found a girlfriend!

TB: So you have a regular steady love?

JT: I wouldn't say it's regular because we don't get as much time to ourselves as we want, but I'm always trying to change that. But yes, I'm in a serious relationship, not just dating and all.

TB: Do you think that changes your image?

JT: I tend not to want an 'image'. I just want to be Justin most of the times. So I hope it doesn't change what people think of me but a true fan will WANT me to be happy with whomever I chose. As long as I'm not hurting myself, they should be smiling with me.

TB: And you are smiling. So you must be in love.

JT: That's what it feels like everyday I wake up...

TB: Okay what about the new album? We see that you managed to handle some writing and a few guest appearances from people?

JT: I LOVE the new album. It's called 'Another Step' because that's exactly what it is. It's another step for us but in different directions. You've got your Pop friendly stuff like 'With You' and all. Then we've got our ballads like 'Forever' and 'I Thought She Knew' but then again we've got the Hip Hop stuff like the first single with Kim and Busta and then another song with the trio Blaque. I think that's a HOT song because you can feel that song in the summer or fall. But then again I like 'True' because it's an old song but still a song that everyone should know or you will know if you hear the album.

TB: What about your writing?

JT: Yes, I got into the writing process as did the others. We LOVE to write songs because we record them all the time. So I wrote the song 'I Wont' See A Sunrise'. It's an emotional song about somebody I knew and when I got my heart broke. I wrote it almost a year ago actually and it's now just showing up with this album and all. plus I wrote a great song I think... with Brian of the Backstreet Boys. It's the first single with 'Saw It Coming'. It's a deep song. Brian's a great guy to work with. He writes for a lot of people now.

TB: What about the song 'Dearest Friend Of Mine'? Or 'My Little Angel'?

JT: Well with 'Friend of Mine', that was written and it's addressed to the mothers of the world. Not one in particular. People are comparing it to the song Brian wrote for 'Millennium', but it's not like that. This one is just saying mothers seem to know all of the right things to do when things go bad or even when things are good. You know? Just how your momma is the world and the world is your mother. It's just like that. And 'My Little Angel' is a song I worked on with a producer named Greg Vince. It's about my little brother and I got them to put it on the album. I LOVE my little brother Jonathan to death and that's why we wrote the song because of the innocence a family member can mean to you.

TB: You worked with the Backstreet Boys?

JT: Oh yeah. Brian wrote on the album for one song and I believe that Howie and A.J. co-wrote on a song. So it was cool. They are great guys. They recorded a song with us and Britney Spears. We performed it actually before recording it for the first time. Most groups record before performing a song live but we recorded live and even did a remix that didn't make the album. It was so much fun recording too... it took about two days off of our schedule touring.

TB: How do you take the rumors about you and Brian?

JT: Depends on what I hear. I can't sit and complain all day about people saying that me and Brian are dating or that Brian does this and I did that. It's a waste of time for me. So the rumors can keep going but you know, me and Brian laugh it off and are very cool about it.

TB: What about Leigh Ann? Is she jealous about it?

JT: Leigh Ann? Brian's not dating her. In fact, he's NO where close to dating her. She's an ex of his and how she takes it doesn't really matter to him. They're not in love or anything.

TB: Well what about issues on your virginity?

JT: Now that's something that stays private. Your virginity is sacred but if you are having sex... that is still no one's business. People know that right? Because I don't plan on answering whether or not I am sexual acitive or ever have been.

TB: Okay, that is true. What about when your sick or lonely? Who's there for you?

JT: Someone very special to me ouside of my mom.

TB: What about friends outside of the groups?

JT: It's hard to have or keep friends now because of touring and being in groups like the Backstreet Boys or 'N Sync. So I tend to keep with the guys but I do have friends outside of them. Very nice people that I can trust with plenty of things. I think it's important to have friends you can treasure like that.

TB: Okay... tell me your impression of Howie?

JT: Quiet but outspoken when he's against something. He's cool to be around when you just want to talk.

TB: Kevin?

JT: Like a father. Very honestly and yet blunt with what he expects of you or whatever. But he makes sure you're okay when you're down or when you don't feel well.

TB: A.J.?

JT: FUNNY! He's great. Shopping also interesting with him because he'll go anywhere but the main stream stores. The man doesn't believe in brand name either. If it's a five dollar hat at Target but it looks weird, he wants it. But then again if it's wo hundred dollar boots from a store, he's forking over the money. So he's strange but fun to be around.

TB: Nick?

JT: Like me in certain ways. Probably because we're both young and all and me and him tend to learn things at the same time. He's close to Brian and the others too. He looks to them when it comes decision time on what they think is right and then he'll decide.

TB: Brian?

JT: My best friend. Honestly, he really is. We're close and can share a lot of things with each other. We love to play 'ball together. I can hang with him, shop with him, relax with him and even talk to him. He is a great listener and helps you through things easily. He's just a good person because he never wants anything in return.

TB: Who's your best friend out of 'N Sync?

JT: Let's see, I'm close to ALL of them. I hang with Chris when I want to have a good time, I'm around JC when it's down time and we just need to rest or whatever. I go to Joey with my problems because he likes to hear those things but yet he loves to help you too. I'm with Lance the rest of the time because we get along well. We're the same age and we have a nice bond like that.

TB: What is the weidest rumor you've heard about yourself?

JT: Let's see.... there's been a lot of them. Oh, there was this one... see my mom manages different musical acts and stuff. Well she has this girl named Tonya signed to her management. Well I've known Tonya for years. So this picture of us on the Internet was shown and people thought we were going together. I think of Tonya as a sister and couldn't date her. It was funny for us though. Then there's that rumor that me and Britney were making out at some radio show. PLEASE! Not even close to the truth because unless it's touring together, I never go to Britney's appearances.

TB: Funny because I thought it'd be the rumor about you and Brian. I thought it was weird.

JT: That wasn't a weird one for me. I guess me and Brian started it with the whole MTV and Rosie thing. Oh yeah, he's a great boyfriend. You know? So many peope take things in but don't know it all. But if they want to believe, I say more power to them. If you think me and Brian are dating, then that's what you think. He's a cutie, he's dateable.

TB: Was it weird to have Brian kiss you?

JT: No comment. Really, none on that one.

TB: Well for our female readers, is Brian a good kisser?

JT: Oh yeah! There's no like him. Now people are really going to think things!

TB: You have a new tattoo?

JT: Yes, I do. I have one on my back now. It's in Japanese and I think it looks great. But not too many people will see it since it's right below my shoulder. So unless you see me with my shirt off, you won't see it. I'm thinking of getting another on the middle of my back... I'm not sure yet.

TB: Are you looking forward to opening for the Backstreet Boys?

JT: Yes, I am. I think it'll be a lot of fun, especially since we'll be in Europe. We're not going yet because we have to promote the new album but when we get there, it's going to be hot. We're going to perform about five songs, three new and two old. So it'll be a lot of fun for us to do. It's a change of pace.

TB: What's the new single?

JT: The new single is called 'It's True'. It's a cover song... originally done by a boy group called Spanadu Ballet. I love the song. We shot the video not too long ago. It should hit airwaves in about a week and TV in about two weeks. plus we recorded the remix to the song for a new soundtrack. We did the remix in a day.... with rapper Mocha guest appearing. It's cool because Mocha came in and did a song with us, which we wrote. Then she's going next week into the studio with Missy Elliott and Britney to record a song for Britney's new album. We actually came up with a concept for the remix and might do a video for it. We've gotta get it cleared first.

TB: Well thanks for doing this interview. I'm sure the ladies are still loving you.

JT: Well thanks for interviewing me. I LOVE our fans. See ya'll at the next show, hopefully sometime in November or October. Peace and hair grease ya'll.

Their lips ran smoothly. Tongues were exchanged between the kiss. Hands were roaming soft and gentle places on the other's body. Heads were tilted enough to feel the intensity of the kiss. It was an unsure kiss. It couldn't be classified or stereotyped. It was just kissing. In one's heart it was wrong and in the other's it was right. Both felt the guilt however. Yet their kiss seemed to continue until they were ready to pull away.

"Mmmm... delicous." Lance cooed, licking his thin pink lips. Lance ran his hand over the blonde's hair. Soft, just the way he liked. He smiled, feeling he had won something. He had grabbed a star out of the millions but this one shined brighter than the sun. Lance leaned forward again and extneded his tongue. He licked the lips of his comforter. "Kiss me like the old times..." the voice requested. 'Old times eh?' Lance grinned. He leaned forward and began his kiss again. His lips were faster and even more fervent. Lance's kisses became more gentle when he realized the depth that his kiss could move.

The sound of a constant beep caused the kiss to end. "Must that thing always be on?" Lance grumbled, pulling away from the kiss. He licked the blonde's lips again and smiled. "Sorry... I guess I forgot to shut it off." he received a shy response. "Well as long as Josh doesn't bug us... he'll never adjust to this." Lance sighed. "Well what is 'this'? I don't know why he's so upset anyways. It's not like me and him had something." the voice became a little louder. "Well of course you two didn't." Lance giggled, hugging one arm around the blonde. "He can be just a little jealous I guess." Lance added softly. "Of what?!" the voice let out a louder sound. "Of you kissing me like you want to fuck me here in the bathroom." Lance grinned, not turning his eyes to the blonde. He heard a grumble and laughed again. "I love teasing your cute ass." Lance reached down and carefully pinched his blonde's ass. "Do you love me?" the voice questioned. Lance sighed and dragged his arm off of the blonde. "I thought we talked about this." Lance's voice got lower. "J.C. is the only one who knows?" the voice changed the subject easily. "Yeah... I don't think he wants to tell anyone else." Lance smiled. he felt he had once again grabbed another star, a red one to signify his anger yet control over the situation. "He's too bitter." the voice sighed.

Lance turned to face his blonde. "He probably thinks we are fucking... Bryce, I know he thinks that." Lance gave his blonde a name. "I don't know why..." Bryce's head dropped with shyness. "That's cute. You don't want to admit it but you'd love it if we were." Lance rubbed Bryce's shoulder with his devious grin. "I never said that." Bryce insisted, lifting his head. "Last night... making out in your office?" Lance cocked his eyebrow at him. "That was a fit of passion." Bryce huffed. "That's funny... Wordsworth had those same fits of passion..." Lance brought Bryce's eyes to his. "Did Wordsworth let you touch him in the bathroom like this?" Bryce laughed lowly. "I don't care if he'd like it or not, I'm not unzipping his pants." Lance whispered, edging near Bryce's lips again.

Bryce didn't have a chance to look down to see if Lance's words were true. Their lips touched again for a kiss while Lance let Bryce's slacks slide open. Lance dipped his hand into the pants and grasped Bryce's erect cock through his silk boxers. Bryce muffled a moan, his eyes flashing open. 'Why is he teasing me...' Bryce thought to himself. He didn't know what he and Lance were doing. They had spent time apart since their incident in the studio but within a week, they seemed back in each other's arms when Lance faught with J.C. Lance needed a friendly comfort and ended up at Bryce's out, before long making out on Bryce's bed. Bryce never let it go any furher that night but the days went by where they found any place to make out from one's eye comfortable. Yet Lance never said to Bryce that he loved him. Lance never confessed any type of love or even if there was a relationship in bloom. It scared Bryce to know he was letting himself fall for Lance and Lance showed no sign of falling back.

'Be careful Lance... jacking him off might constitute a sexual relationship...' Lance warned himself as his hand slid into the hole of Bryce's boxers. 'But oh he feels great...' Lance sighed. He slid his tongue out of Bryce's mouth and sucked upon Bryce's soft tongue. 'Maybe he'll just think of it as a going away present?' Lance tried to convince himself. 'Nope... that might make him think we're boyfriends or something. That can't be. I'm... I'm still hooked on Josh... and Nick... and I don't know. Damn James, can you ever make up your mind? Do you even know who you love? I mean next thing you know you'll be sliding Justin's boxers off to make love to him. But hmmm.... NO!' Lance chastisted himself. He couldn't handle betraying people's feelings but it was something about holding, touching and loving another man that attracted him to anyone who offered their shoulder when he was down. 'But Bryce is so nice.. so loving to me...' Lance thought as his finger ran over Bryce's red head. He slid his finger over the pre-cum and smiled during their kiss. 'Taking his virginity is a big deal... but I took Josh's too.' Lance coaxed himself, pushing Bryce's pants down to his knees. 'But look where that got me. I'm in love with Joshua Chasez and he won't fucking love me back!' Lance brooded.

His hand became rougher on Bryce, causing Bryce to try and push away. Lance held the kiss. 'Stop it! Don't hurt him... he's too beautiful of a guy. He's not a fucking alcoholic like Nick, but that's J.C.'s problem. And he's not a backstabbing two timer like that bitch J.C., but that's Nick's problem. He's... he's probably good in bed.' Lance giggled. 'I don't know... just maybe when I get back I can...' Lance's thoughts ended when Bryce pulled away from the kiss.

Bryce's breathing was hard before he pulled Lance into a soothing hug. "Listen... there's a hotel right across the street James. I have a good three hundered in my pocket, more than enough for us. I know your plane leaves in about an hour but if we hurry we can..." Lance pulled out of the hug and placed a finger over Bryce's lips. "Hurry? No, I won't. Not on your first time. I won't make you feel like I did the first time." Lance insisted. He turned away from Bryce in shame. Bryce was shocked and thrown by Lance's sudden anger. He pulled up his pants and zipped them. "I'm sorry for wanting you to love me..." Bryce whispered, beginning to open the stall. He felt a hand grab his wrist and stop him. "Don't be sorry Bryce." Lance whispered. Lance placed his arm around Bryce's shoulder for sudden comfort. "Look... I didn't enjoy my first time as much as I should have. I had sex with J.C. on a rocky basketball court. I got scratches on my back, we were both inexperienced and so it didn't feel as great as it could have and it was just wrong. We rushed into something that could have been by candle light, slow music, silk sheets, massage oils, grapes and all of that. Instead it was 'Okay, let's go slow but let's just fuck and nothing more'." Lance let his soul slide next to Bryce for a minute.

Bryce hugged onto Lance for his comfort. "I'm sorry it was like that." Bryce whispered. "Don't worry. I had my moments. Like one night with Nick where he carried me to the bed and he surprised me by just touching and kissing me all night long. Then with J.C., well let's just say Hawaii may have been Brian and Justin's isle of love but me and Josh shared something so special one night. The night he asked me to marry him." Lance whispered with a smile. His reminscing brought Bryce into a world he felt not comfortable with. "You loved them, didn't you? I mean seriously loved them... it was more than evryone says with the sex and all." Bryce prodded carefully. Lance bit his lower lip with shame. "I would have given my life to them." Lance let a tear caress his cheek. Bryce caught the tear on his cheek and kissed it to his lips. "I'll treasure this week then James." Bryce pulled off of Lance and let a tear run down his own face.

"You should probably go check in and get ready to depart." Bryce softly said, pushing the door to the bathroom open. He felt Lance's hand on his shoulder this time and then small kisses on his neck. "No one said I couldn't fall in love again." Lance whispered. "Lance... I won't let you. This is too soon for you and I don't want to be another 'Nick' or 'J.C.' That's not me." Bryce let his heart drop to the fall as he spoke. "I know and maybe with a little time we can both let go of some things." Lance held onto Bryce. "James when you come back to Europe, if my doorstep is the first you show up to with a smile and a rose, then I'll let you have my heart. But if during your time away you know you can't be without one of them, then go to them and let them know. No burden and no guilt." Bryce assured him lowly. Lance continued to kiss the back of Bryce's neck. "What if when I get back I have a rose and a hotel key and I say I want to just make love to you for the weekend?" Lance offered. Bryce smiled but held his choice. "Then that's what we'll do... but without anyone else in your heart." Bryce sighed. "I think you should start packing then because you're special to me... just like they were." Lance grinned. Bryce pulled away and then walked out. Lance let a tear fall with his smile. 'Maybe James... maybe you can get this one to stay.' Lance blinked away the rest of his small tears.

Lance stepped out of the stall and saw Chris leaning against the sink. Lance's eyes drifted to the floor with a shy feeling. "Don't fuck up. Not with our P.R. Lance." Chris warned him with a calm state. "Who says I'm fucking anything?" Lance's eyes lifted. "I defended you Lance, don't make me look bad. If you love this one... it better be meant to stay." Chris left no room for discussion. He leaned off of the sink and walked out of the bathroom. Lance ran his hands over his platnium blonde hair. "I won't mess it up... but I have nothing to prove to anyone of you." Lance whispered. He walked to the sink and stared in the mirror to look into his heart to find James Lance Bass one more time.

"What did you do?!" J.C. beckoned of an answer from Joey. Joey kept his fired grin. "I told you already." Joey replied cooly. "Tell me one more time then because I'm blown away." J.C. laughed. "Well before I left this morning, I left her a rose and a plane ticket." Joey stated. "Wait! When you left this morning? That would mean she was at your house?" J.C. cooed. "Yes, she fell asleep on the couch with me last night when we watched 'Waiting To Exhale'." Joey lowly replied. "WAITING TO EXHALE?!" J.C. shouted out before laughing. "Shut up. I can watch chick flicks you know." Joey mumbled. "Well did you 'Shoop'?" J.C. teased him. Joey punched him in the leg and laughed. "I fell asleep before Whitney even exhaled." Joey snickered. "So you gave her a rose and a plane ticket? Does that mean you're back together?" J.C. questioned. Joey rolled his eyes and then sighed. "If she comes... yes. If not, then we're just working it out as friends." Joey explained his plan. "So Joey's the one pushing to get back together." J.C. chuckled. "Not really. It's mutual. We both laid down some rules on what we wanted and needed. But mine were a bit more demanding, so she might not go for them." Joey stated, leaning back in his chair. J.C. nodded, understanding where Joey was coming from. "Well a rose and a plane ticket sounds mighty tempting." J.C. whispered with a smile. Joey's face glowed in the airport's light. "More than tempting, it says 'I love you'." Joey gave a soft addition to J.C.'s words. "Oh you Romeo." J.C. laughed. "Proud of it." Joey nodded with joy scattered about his smile.

"Come on! Come on! Come on! It's time to go!!!" Justin announced with glee. Joey and J.C. jumped with shock. "What is your problem?" Joey questioned with a smile. "Mental problems?" J.C. continued the joke. "Nah, he just wants to get laid." Chris added from behind Justin. "All of ya'll can just suck it." Justin rolled his eyes, not losing his child-like smile. "Is that an offer J?" J.C. winked at him. "Ill, no! I'm married." Justin coughed out. J.C. rolled his eyes with his grin.

"Can we go now?!" Justin boasted, grabbing Joey's hand to help him out of the chair. "Oh yeah, he's getting laid tonight." Joey patted Justin's back. "Well ya'll are just jealous I am gettin' some. You know since when did ya'll get a little sumthin' sumthin'?" Justin felt at ease with his control. "Uhm, about as long ago as you did." J.C. chimed. "Wow, longer?" Chris pondered the idea. "Chris doesn't even remember how his works!" Joey bursted into a roaring laughter. "Hey hey hey, I remember!" Chris leaped on Joey's back after his words were finished. Justin and J.C. followed them, carrying the noise of their laughing.

"Are they here?!" Nick's face lit up when he saw passengers beginning to leave the plane. "Calm down little boy." A.J. laughed, putting a hand on Nick's shoulder. "I can't help it! I missed him." Nick insisted. "Well I'm sure that he missed you too." A.J. nodded, looking over heads to spot the guys.

He saw the crowd fizzling out and smiled when he caught glimpse of Justin's reflective blue eyes. "Over here Curly!" A.J. tried to get his attention without much notice. Justin quickly rushed over to them and scooped A.J. into a hug. "Where's my baby!?" Justin asked urgently, unwrapping his arms from around A.J. "Gee, the hello was so sweet." A.J. teased him. Justin rolled his eyes and searched the airport for Brian. "Wait, what does he mean A.J.?" Nick asked with an unsure frown. A.J. turned to Nick and then Justin. "Do you know Justin?" A.J. asked lowly. "Know what? Can't it wait until I see Brian?" Justin requested, still looking for Justin. Nick dropped his head while A.J. inched near Justin. "Maybe me and you should talk." A.J. advised quietly. Justin looked at him with a sudden disturbance. "About what?" Justin asked sharply. A.J. placed his arm around Justin and walked him off.

Nick lifted his head when a hand caressed his cheek. "Did you miss me?" a low but caring voice asked. Nick's eyes widened with pleasure when he caught a pair of ocean blue eyes. Nick let his words stop just to admire J.C. J.C. smiled at him, the love in his eyes flowing like the Nile. "I missed you." J.C. whispered, running his finger down Nick's cheek. "I missed you too." Nick replied. "Should we get to the car so I can at least hug you?" J.C. suggested, running his finger down to Nick's left hand. "What about the others..." Nick whispered. His lips were pouting for a secret kiss that he could not steal. "Okay... we'll wait on them." J.C. agreed, knowing if he left his friends that he'd lose his freedom during the night.

Their words stayed quiet as Lance and Chris came from the gate, followed by a small entourage of security. "Did you miss me?!" Chris bellowed to Nick. Nick giggled and nodded. "Because I'm looking forward to whipping your tail in Tekken 3 baby!" Chris yanked Nick into a semi-hug as he spoke. He ruffled Nick's hair with an immature smile. "You beat me? Is this man the best joker or what?" Nick snickered, lightly pushing Chris off of him.

"Did Justin already run off to Brian?" Lance's deep voice questioned Nick. Nick peered pass J.C. to see Lance's green eyes. Nick gave him a subtle stare to try and create friendly vibes between the two again. "There's something you guys should know about Brian." Nick spoke up with little confidence. "What is it?" J.C. asked lowly. "Don't tell me he cheated on Justin. If you say that I swear I'm going to kill him." Chris hissed. "Do you and Brian sleep together?" Lance made his prescence known again with his provoking words. J.C. turned around quickly to stare at Lance while Nick began to speak. "No... Brian didn't have an affair with anyone. He's just not here... I mean he's not even here in France." Nick explained little. "What? Where is he then?" Lance pushed J.C. aside for more details. "More important... is he okay?" Chris crossed his arms with concern. Nick dropped his head and pulled his hair back. "Brian's in Orlando... well by now he should be at home. He's got phrangytis. The doctors said he couldn't stay on tour anymore. It would be too much for him. We thought Kevin had at least called you guys and let you know... but I guess not." Nick stated, reliving the moment he heard about Brian passing out backstage.

Nick caught nothing but hollow stares from each of them. Their mouths open in shock and Nick had yet to tell them the worst of things. "What is Justin..." Chris's words were drowned out by sniffles. His head turned to see Justin walk by him. "Justin..." Chris reached out for him. justin averted Chris, his tears sliding down his lowered face. A.J. grasped Chris's arm and stopped him. "No.. just let him be for now." A.J. advised. "He's not going to be okay." Lance shook his head, seeing Justin take a seat and look out the window. "Darren, will you and Mike make sure no one disturbs Justin until we leave." Lance whispered to a security guard. He got a quick nod and saw two security guards stand nearby Justin to prevent anyone from disturbing his tears.

"Where's Joey at? We need to leave so Justin can be alone and away from everyone." A.J. noted, not bothering to greet his other friends. "Uhm, he's coming. He's taking his time." J.C. looked back towards the gate. "Ah, is he missing Britney already?" A.J. asked with a straight face. His eyes peered over his sunglasses to stare at the gate. "Nah, he's not missing Britney..." Lance turned around to face the gate. A.J. heard Lance's words clearly. He watched as Joey emerged with three girls surrounding him. "So is that how he got over Britney?" Nick asked, looking towards Joey's entourage. "Nope." Lance answered flatly. "Is that Britney?" A.J. asked, looking at one of the girls. He saw the honey blonde hair flowing to her shoulders. "And is that Danay with her?" Nick questioned, seeing a familiar face smiling as she walked with Joey. "And that's..." Nick started. "PANDA!!!" A.J. finished with excitement.

Before the others knew it, A.J. was leaping chairs to get to Amanda. A.J. swept Amanda into his arms and spun her around. Danay and Joey backed away for the action as Britney giggled from the side. A.J. stopped his spin and held Amanda. "I've missed you so much!" A.J. exclaimed, hugging her tihgtly. Amanda dropped her head to his shoulder and closed her eyes. "Panda?" A.J. questioned. "A.J, I... I... I think I'm gonna be sick!!!" Amanda pushed A.J. off of her after her words finished. She ran off with Danay quickly on her heels.

"What's wrong? Did I hurt the baby?" A.J. asked frantically. He felt a soft hand on his shoulder and he turned to look. "You didn't hurt the baby silly. Let's just say Amanda has morning sickness." Britney explained softly. "But it's four o'clock here." A.J. shook his head with disbelief. "I'd say her stomach was still in the other time zone then." Joey snickered. A.J. elbowed him and awaited his girlfriend to return to him.

"So you decided to come eh?" Nick eyed Britney with a smile. Britney smiled back, her eyes glittering. "Just for a couple of days. We're here for Howie's B-Day and then a day or two after that. I have to get back to Orlando to rehearse for my tour and the girls of Innosense have some recording to do." Britney explained. "Kev is going to be disappointed Nikki's not here." Nick stated, receiving a knowing look from Britney. "She would have come but she stayed in town to visit witht hat bitch... I mean Christina Aguleria, from the Mickey Mouse Club." Britney corrected herself, trying to conceal her dislike. "Oh yes, the infamous 'Genie'." J.C. giggled, knowing the animosity between Britney and Christina. "I wish she'd go away." Britney's head bobbed with her strong words. "Now Britney, what kind of friend are you?" J.C. laughed. "The kind that doesn't like girls who try and steal your man." Britney rolled her eyes at J.C. J.C. shook his head at her. "She tried to take me?" Joey questioned softly. "Not you." Britney sighed, her eyes seeking out a familiar strawberry blonde man.

Justin's head was in his hands and he couldn't control his sobs. His thoughts were jumbled and each one never stayed for more than five seconds. The effects of the richocet brought him even more aggravation. 'He said just two weeks... just two weeks.' Justin thought out. He lifted his head and wiped his tears away. He stood from his chair and sniffled heavily. "Justin... are you sure you're ready to leave? People might see you and I don't want a lot of questions hitting you and all." Lonnie advised of Justin. Justin shook his head and eased past Lonnie. "Okay, you're the boss." he agreed, letting Justin move over to the others.

Eyes began to lock on Justin when he finally reached the others. "Hey J." A.J. spoke up first for the others. Justin gave a casual wave before averting his attention to Lance. Lance gave Justin a lazy look but then perked up. "Do you want to talk?" Lance asked lowly. Justin shook his head, placing his hands in his pockets. Lance giggled, looking at Justin's child-like glow. "Then why are you looking at me?" Lance beckoned. "Can you call management?" Justin asked softly. Lance knew why Justin became bold enough to ask the question. Justin saw it in Lance's eyes and he saw a lecture coming. "Please Lance... just call them and ask them. Just this one time... I need you to." Justin requested. His eyes began to get flustered with tears. Lance sighed and placed his hand on Justin's shoulder. "Yeah... okay, I'll call Johnny and see what I can do." Lance agreed. He pulled out his cell phone and shimmed to the side. Justin dropped his head and exhaled hard.

"Guys we should really get going. The Backstreet Boys have a press conference about Brian's situation in about an hour." A.J. informed everyone, seeing that Amanda and Danay had returned. Justin let another tear slip from his eyes when he heard Brian's name. "Yeah, he's right ya'll. Uhm... Danay, Amanda and Britney can ride with us and 'N Sync can get their own limo." Nick suggested, throwing his arm around Danay's shoulders. "Oh we can? We're fortunate like that?" Danay sarcastically said. "Don't start with me Mama D, you haven't been here long enough." Nick laughed. Danay rolled her eyes, giggling. J.C. watched them and sulked discretely. 'If only we weren't in public.' J.C. assured himself.

"Well let's go get my bags and move it then!" Chris ordered. Justin stood his grounds while others began to walk. J.C. and Joey stood with Justin. A.J. turned to look at them but passed it off as care for a friend. He kept an arm wrapped around Amanda's waist for support. "Feeling better?" A.J. asked softly. "Go throw up last night's dinner, twice in one day and you tell me if you're 'feeling betteer'." Amanda replied with heavy sarcasm. "Oh yeah, you're just fine Panda." A.J. chuckled. "It's just carrying around a baby. It's a beautiful exprience but at the same time it's hell on your body." Amanda agreed, limping slightly. "Well we make beautiful babies Panda." A.J. grinned. "I make beautiful babies. You just don't know how to wear a condom." Amanda let her sarcasm dominate again. "And you're going to talk to our daughter with that tongue?" A.J. pretended to be appalled. "You mean our son?" Amanda argued calmly. "No, I meant Destiny Alexandra McLean." A.J. sneered. "Oh no, you meant James Collin Brick McLean." Amanda smiled. "Brick? What kind of name is Brick? And Collin? What is this? The Real World or some shit?" A.J. disagreed with attitude. "Oh and like Alexandra isn't a bit self glorifying?" Amanda grumbled. "Sounds alot better than 'Brick if you ask me'." A.J. snobbishly responded. "Well I didn't ask." Amanda jolted. "Hey you two... why not just give the baby a cute and yet normal name?" Britney suggested to them. "Like?!" Amanda and A.J. asked simultaneously. "How about... Britney Jean?" Britney's grin was wide. A.J. and Amanda both stuck their tongues out at her, causing a roar of laughter.

J.C. sighed, still awaiting a word from Lance. Lance ended his conversation with Johnny Wright and tour coorodinators. He closed his cell phone and slipped it into his backpack. He turned to face his friends with a small smile. "What's up Lansten?" Joey asked on behalf of Justin. "Come on Scoop... don't hold out on us." J.C. added. Lance turned his eyes directly to Justin. "They said..." Lance felt the other sets of eyes piercing him for the truth. "They said you're binded by contract and can't leave the tour at this moment. You have to at least complete the first week before they will permit you two days off and then you come right back here to finish off the tour." Lance stated everything he was informed of. Justin's knees became weak, Joey grabbing him for support. "I'm sorry Justin..." Lance shook his head with guilt. Tears glazed Justin's eyes and then his cheeks. Joey hugged onto Justin and tried to ease his pain. "They won't give him anytime off?! It's his husband!" J.C. barked. Lance shook his head again. "Unless Brian is dying or is dead, they can't permit such time off for a simple illness." Lance explained the cold hard facts of the music world. Justin ran his hands over his hair and continued to cry lowly. "What if I'm dying without him?" Justin sobbed softly. Lance helped Joey support Justin and all four made their way out of the airport and down to the limos.

Just Beginning (Chapter 30) Written by JM

The limo seemed so quiet for everyone. Justin's head was rested upon Joey's shoulder with Joey's arm wrapped around Justin. Lance was nestled next to the two with an uncomfrtable face. J.C. sat on the otherside staring at Justin to see if he could become any sadder. Chris stared out the dark windows as he always did when he was bored. "How long is this ride!" Chris's loud words awoke everyone from their basic routine. "Probably about another ten or fifteen minutes." Lance shrugged. "Oh joy." Chris lamented. "I'm sure Meelah can wait that long to see you." Joey grinned at him. "If not longer." Lance joined in. Chris gave both of them evil grins before staring back out the window.

J.C. began to snap his fingers and hum a tune. Joey lifted his head when he heard J.C. snapping his fingers. He knew the melody but couldn't grasp the lyrics. Chris stopped looking out the window and turned to face J.C. "Why are you humming that song?" Chris asked curiously. "Because Justin's sad... this is the perfect song." J.C. stopped his humming to answer him. He started again and looked at the sniffling Justin. Lance caught onto the tune and began to snap his fingers with J.C. Joey began to hum the tune with a smile. Justin lifted his ehad and looked at J.C. with confusion. "Come on Chris... sing it with me." J.C. requested, continuing his humming. Chris nodded and began to snap his fingers. With everyone but Justin in sync with the song, Chris and J.C. began the vocals.

You doin' that thing you do

Breaking my heart into a million pieces like you always do

And you don't mean to be cruel

You never even knew about the heartache

I've been going through

Well I try and try to forget you girl

But it's just so hard to do

Every time you do that thing you do

Joey and Lance giggled as the two sung. They continued to hum and let Chris and J.C. sing to Justin with smiles.

I know all the games you play

And I'm gonna find a way to let you know that

You'll be mine someday

Cause we could be happy can't you see

If you'd only let me be the one to hold you

And keep you here with me

Cause I try and try to forget you girl

But it's just so hard to do

Every time you do that thing you do

Justin was forced to bob with the others by Joey. Lance and Joey hummed a little louder and tried to get Justin to join them. Joey's coaxing had a small effort as Justin began to snap his fingers with them.

I don't ask a lot girl

But I know one thing's for sure

It's the love I haven't got girl

And I just can't take it anymore

Chris and J.C. were in full mode. They were enjoying their singing to the fullest. As the final verse came up, the others decided it was time to join in and make the song even more memorable for Justin. Justin found himself joining them for the full 'N Sync sound.

Cause we could be happy can't you see

If you'd only let me be the one to hold you

And keep you here with me

Cause it hurts me so just to see you go

Around with someone new

And if I know you you're doing that thing

Every day just doing that thing

I can't take you doing that thing you do

Everyone was in full laughter afterwards. "That is too much fun to do!" Chris was rolling onto J.C. with laughter. "Man, I miss doing that in concert." Joey agreed. Justin laid back with a smile on his face. "Every time you do that sexy pout you do Justin!" J.C. crooned for him. "Man, we shoudl go rent the movie and watch it like the old days." Lance suggested. Justin and Joey looked at each other and then fell out into laughter. "We're not that old James." Chris reminded him with a weird look. "Well ya'll know what I meant." Lance brooded. "Oh yes, sure we did!" Justin snickered. "Yeah, we did Lansten." Joey patted him while laughing.

Hollywood, a festival of life and death in dreams. Actors and actresses take their talent and throw it away to satisfy producers for a pay that lets them drive the cars of choice and houses of size. One of Hollywood's new bred was sitting at a Hard Rock Cafe with impatience. She rolled her eyes as she looked at the expanding crowd and tapped her foot on the floor. She massaged her left shoulder and awaited the next loyal fan to step up. She saw the little girl and placed on her common smile to please the small child. "Do you really go out wit Brian Littrell" the girl's boldness surprised the actress. She turned to her publicist and saw a warning written in her face. "I can't say babydoll." the actress grinned and scribbled her name to the poster. She signed it perfectly: 'Yours truly with X's and O's, Leigh Ann Wallace'. She ushered the little girl away with an aggravated look. She pulled her publicist near and growled. "No more girls under the age of freakin' seventeen in here. I am not ignoring that fucking question all day long. So you had better fix something or clear a statement for me to say." she warned her publicist bitterly. She got a frightened nod. "And can we hurry this up? I'd like to get some dinner before I've got to catch that flight out of here." Leigh Ann requested without reservation. She turned around to the notepad in front of her and smiled down at it. She began to read the sayings while the publicist shortened the crowd. 'I hate Justin Littrell... I hate Justin... I hate Curly... Death to Justin Bitch Littrell... Fuck Justin... Justin's a bitch... Britney must die... Britney is a whore... Britney sucks dick... Britney's really a man baby... I must have Brian... Leigh Ann Littrell... Brian Littrell Jr... I'm going to have Brian's baby... fuck Backstreet and 'N Sync, Brian's mine...' all of the sayings were scribbled on the pad. Leigh Ann gleamed and turned to the next fan.

The night was young in Paris's open skies. The town was filled with it's regular night dwellers of all types. Howie Dorough was becoming one as he loved to go clubbing. The night however he wasn't out clubbing. He stood in the lobby of the hotel awaiting his supposed 'birthday surprise'. He knew the guys had to have something planned for him. A night of wild partying he didn't prefer but he would easily go along with what the others wanted to satisfy their craving. He just shrugged off the idea and waited patiently.

"Are you ready to go?" he heard a female voice ask. Howie turned around with surprise. He saw a shapely woman standing behind him with a concerned smile. "Ready for what?" Howie asked. She batted her eyes at him and then winked. "Let's see... the guys wanted to take you to a strip club downtown and then a bar but since in France Nick would never make it in and A.J. is so wrapped up in pampering Amanda, I figured you wouldn't want to go with just Kevin. So I'm going to give you a tour of the city... just you and me." Danay explained. "Oh really?" Howie became intrigued. "Yes really. I figured it'd look better if an attractive and sexy girl like me escorted you instead of a grumpy and ugly man like Kevin." Danay responded sarcasitcally. Howie found himself laughing with her. "So shall we?" Danay offered her arm out to him with a smile. Howie shrugged and took her up on hre offer. They walked out of the hotel into the masses of France.

The night fell upon the city before long. The Eiffel Tower stood above the city of Paris. It was the hand reaching out to the sky to connect the two worlds. Standing at it's outlooking level was J.C. and Nick. J.C.'s body was blanketed by Nick's arms. Nick's arms were around J.C.'s chest with love. Nick's head was reseted against J.C.'s. Their eyes were on the sky above. Their words were silent and not heard. They were alone and they pleasured in it. "The sky is so captivating." J.C. whispered. Nick felt the swift breeze sweep their bodies. "I prefer the view of my boyfriend." Nick cooed into J.C.'s ear. J.C. grinned and nuzzled with Nick. "It's been rather lonely without you." Nick added. He ran a finger over J.C.'s collar before kissing it. "You had the guys Nickie." J.C. murmured. "I don't think they'd like to cuddle with me." Nick giggled. "Not even Brian?" J.C. let his words go soft. Nick ran the finger to J.C.'s cheek and then placed a small peck in place of his finger. "Brian who?" Nick whispered. J.C. smile brighter. "He doesn't hold me like you do Josh." Nick assured him. "He gets to hold you?" J.C. continued his questions. "Acutally no. I was the one holding him when he cried." Nick replied, sliding his tongue over J.C.'s defined cheek. "Oh... he was that upset about having to leave?" J.C. asked, lowering his head to look down. "No, he was upset every night because he didn't have Justin. It was depressing." Nick explained, loosening his grip on J.C. J.C. nodded, holding one of Nick's arms around him.

"You didn't cry did you?" J.C. wondered. Nick sat his chin on J.C.'s shoulder. "Sometimes... yes, I cried by myself. Usually after a show or something." Nick confessed. J.C. adjusted himself so that he and Nick were facing each other. "I'm sorry Nickie..." J.C. whispered, rubbing Nick's cheek. "Don't worry about it." Nick assured him. Nick leaned forward without notice and pressed his lips to J.C.'s pouting lips. J.C. was caught off guard slightly but soon learned to go with the kiss. Nick pulled J.C. closer, pressing their bodies together while placing a hand behind J.C.'s head. J.C. wrapped his arms around Nick's waist to hold the kiss so that it felt everlasting. The wind ran across their shoulders. Nick could feel J.C.'s strong heartbeat. He adored it.

Nick pulled back from the kiss with a smile. J.C.'s eyes fluttered open and he leaned further forward for another kiss. "Wait Josh... I've got something to show you..." Nick pressed a finger to J.C.'s lips. J.C. took the finger in his mouth and began to swirl his tongue over it. Nick giggled and shook his head. "Go ahead... show me." J.C. said, suckling the finger. Nick pushed J.C. back slightly and lifted his shirt. J.C. watched him as Nick held the shirt in his hands. "You're kinky but I'm not doing that up here..." J.C. shook his finger at Nick. Nick laughed out loud. He turned slightly and showed his left arm to J.C. with pride. There upon his left arm, near his upper arm was a shark, tattooed to perfection. J.C. admired the tattoo with surprise. "You... you got a tattoo?" J.C. stammered out. His fear for needles made him question Nick's bravery. "Not just one..." Nick grinned. Nick spun around and lte J.C. admire his back. On the right side of Nick's upper back were musical notes, running upward. J.C. placed a finger to the tattoo and rubbed it's smoothness. Nick hissed lowly, still feeling slight pain. "I got those for you Joshua... it represents you since you love music just like the shark represents me because I love the sea." Nick explained mildly. J.C. was in shock. "For me?" J.C. questioned. Nick's grin was unremoveable.

Nick turned to face J.C. and hugged him. "You bought me a ring Josh... it was the least I could do..." Nick stated. J.C. sighed and let a tear run down his face. "No one's ever scared their body for me." J.C. tried to joke. "Just for you." Nick agreed. "Thank you." J.C. whispered, rubbing Nick's back. "You don't have to thank me for loving you... it's natural for me." Nick assured him. J.C. kissed Nick's shoulder and held him on the ebony tower that was admired by the French and millions of others.

"That was too much fun!" Danay giggled, as they entered the hotel once again. They had been out for hours, just enjoying their time as friends. "I didn't know you shopped like me." Howie smiled, holding up his four bags. "I'm picky, that's what the girls tell me." Danay shrugged. "Nah, we just have fine taste." Howie sarcastically replied. "More like expensive taste." Danay snickered. "Lynn's gonna have my ass for this but it's cool. I need some new Nike's and Gucci shoes." Danay grinned, walking with Howie towards the elevator. "Well yuou didn't have to pay for my hat and shirt." Howie chimed. "You paid for dinner and the movie. Why not?" Danay said carefreely. "Well the outside cafe was gorgeous. And then seeing Eyes Wide Shut for the first time was cool too. But still.. it was my treat." Howie reminded her, pushing the elevator button. "It's also your birthday Howard." Danay grinned. "Do you have to remind me?" Howie chuckled. "It's not so bad Papi. So you're a year older... you're still an expensive lobster on the menu." Danay said metophoracily. "Which means?" Howie giggled. "It means you're a guanrantee for us big spending ladies." Danay winked at him.

Howie blushed and heard the ring of the elevator. He backed away but kept staring at Danay. "No... I'll pay for it." Chris announced as four individuals stepped off the elevator. Danay watched as Chris, Meelah, Amanda and A.J. stepped off the elevator. "It's okay Chris, it's my treat." A.J. argued. Danay backed away and let the crowd pass. A.J. caught glimpse of Howie and smiled. "What's up D?" A.J. asked, throwing his arm around Howie. "Oh nothing." Howie cooed, staring at Danay. "I bet." A.J. smiled. "Can we go boy? I'm eating for two now." Amanda requested boldly. "I thought you were always eating for two?" A.J. teased. Amanda slapped his arm angerily and began to walk off. "Uh oh, the little woman's not a happy camper." A.J. sighed, releasing Howie. "Happy birthday D. Me and the guys have a gift for you in Kevin's room." A.J. added, running off to catch Amanda. "What color G-string is she wearing?" Howie snickered, calling outt o A.J. Danay let her jealousy fluster for a moment.

"Oh gee. Remind me, no more double dates... at least not with that two." Chris said to Meelah. "No, I think it's cute. She's pregnant and he's just trying to make her happy." Meelah assured him, holding his hand happily. "How can I make you happy?" Chris asked lowly with a smile. Meelah smiled in her own mind at his concern. "How about a kiss before I go to bed tonight?" Meelah requested, edging near Chris. Chris blushed heavily and shyed back. "Not diamonds or rubies or a car or even dinner?" Chris pondered. "I don't do material things. Why have them when you won't get love with that package? Just a simple and nice boyfriend is plenty enough for me." Meelah explained as they walked. "Is that what I am?" Chris asked shyly. "Yes... you're my boyfriend Chris." Meelah smiled. Chris edged back to her and they did their best to catch Amanda and A.J.

"Well did you have a good time tonight Howie?" Danay asked as the elevator doors opened. "The best time in a long time." Howie replied, holding the elevator doors open for Danay. She smiled at his chivalrous behavior. "Good. I think birthday's should be good for everyone." Danay added, letting Howie put an arm around her as they walked. "Well had I gone with Kevin, I think we would have went to a museum and then maybe dinner. It would have been so boring!" Howie grumbled but kept an intimate smile. "Oh really? Kevin doesn't seem all that boring." Danay commented. "Yeah sure... if you like staring at a hole in the wall, you'll love being around Kevin." Howie said sarcastically. Danay nudged him with a small laugh.

Howie escorted Danay to her door with a ginger smile. "Thank you for a great night Mr. Dorough." Danay chimed, sliding her key card in the door. "Well thank you Mama D. It was one of the best birthdays ever for me." Howie added, standing by her side. Danay pushed the door open slightly and then turned to Howie. "You're a lot of fun you know Howie. I should have did this before." Danay said softly. She leaned forward and gave him a sincere kiss on the cheek. "Thanks again. Call me if you ever want to shop again or just hang out." she added, pushing the door open fully. "Can I call you tomorrow?" Howie asked with his shy profile. "You can call me in five minutes if you want." Danay winked at him. "How about I just call room service in the morning?" Howie became coy with his words. "You're cute Howie... don't ruin that look now." Danay patted his chest with a smile. "Night birthday boy." she smiled, slipping into her room. Howie sighed and ran his hand over the door. "Goodnight princess." he whispered before walking away.

Howie strolled his way down the hall back towards his own room. He whistled a favored tune as he walked, gliding down the hall. He saw the elevator doors open just as he reached his room. He saw a loving two sharing a smooth and intimate kiss. "Oh come on you two!" Howie grumbled, seeing Nick and J.C. sharing their kiss. J.C. pulled back from Nick and then turned to look at Howie. "Problem?" J.C. questioned. "Can't you wait until you get into your room?" Howie requested. J.C. grinned and then turned back to Nick. He began to kiss Nick again to further enthrall Howie. Howie just rolled his eyes and stumbled into his room.

"That was cute." Nick giggled, pushing J.C. back from the kiss. J.C. ran his fingers through Nick's golden hair. "Do you know how long it's been since we made love?" J.C. asked, running his finger down to Nicks's smooth cheeks. "Two weeks?" Nick offered an answer. "Two weeks too long Nickie..." J.C. whispered. He inched closer to Nick's face, running his lips next to Nick's so they were barely touching. "Do you want to uhm... go to my room?" Nick questioned, growing aroused by J.C.'s movements. "Okay." J.C. agreed lowly.

He backed away from Nick and took his hand. J.C. walked Nick out of the elevator and then they began a slow walk down the hall. "Should I go downstairs and buy some condoms?" Nick questioned innocently. "No... it's okay." J.C. assured him.

J.C. and Nick passed Justin's room to try and get to Nick's. They heard a familiar song playing loudly and then the faint sounds of whimpering. J.C. stopped Nick before they could reach Nick's room. He crept to the door still holding Nick's hand. J.C. began to tap on the door without Nick's consent. "Justin?" J.C. called to the door. "Josh... Josh maybe we should leave him alone." Nick suggested. J.C. shook his head quickly. "I'm not leaving my friend alone... not like this and at this time." J.C. disagreed. Nick nibbled his lower lip and let J.C. continue to knock. "J? Curly? Are you okay?" J.C. questioned. He still received no response. J.C. placed his hand on the knob. Nick quickly grabbed J.C.'s wrist to stop him. "You can't just invade his privacy like this." Nick hissed lowly. "Yes I can Nickie. Nick, Justin is without his husband. He doesn't know what kind of contion Brian is in. Someone has to find out how Justin is doing." J.C. insisted. Nick sighed and began to turn the knob with him. The door was unlocked and J.C. easily forced it open.

The sounds of Madonna's 'I'll Remember' greeted them as they stepped in. J.C. spyed Justin laying on the bed, crying softly. Nick shook his head and closed the door while J.C. walked cautiously over to Justin.

And I'll remember the love that you gave me

Now that I'm standing on my own

I'll remember the way that you changed me

I'll remember

J.C. took a seat on the bed and placed a hand on Justin's back. Justin continued to cry on the bed, his warm tears soaking his pillow. "Justin... what's wrong J?" J.C. asked, rubbing the small of Justin's back. Nick approached the bed and took a seat on the opposite side. "He's in the hospital..." Justin whimpered out. Nick raised his brow with a startle. "He's where?!" Nick asked frantically. J.C. pulled Justin's head to his lap and let Justin cry there. "What do you mean Justin?" J.C. asked, petting Justin's curls. "Jac... Jackie called.. and she said that... that she found him passed out at the house. She... she said he was dehydrated... and.. and she had to take... take him to the hospital... and he's staying there over night... for observation..." Justin sobbed out each of his words. Nick was dumbfounded by the news. "Is he going to be okay?" Nick asked with his obvious concern. "I... I don't know.." Justin lifted his head with the end of his words. He began to wipe away the tears of sadness.

I learned to let go of the illusion that we can possess

I learned to let go, I travel in stillness

And I'll remember happiness

I'll remember [I'll remember]

Mmmmm... [I'll remember]

Mmmmm...

"Justin... are you going to be okay?" J.C. wondered. Justin looked down at the ground, small tears releasing from his eyes. Nick leaned over and pulled Justin into a hug. He felt compelled to help Justin in some form. "I'm sorry Justin. I know you miss your husband and you're concerned about him." Nick whispered. Justin was reluctant towards the affection from Nick. He was too torn not to return the hug. He was at a lose for words on how much he needed Brian. "Justin... get your bags together." J.C. said as he stood from the bed. Nick and Justin ended their hug with surprise. "Nick, get Lonnie downstairs in about twenty minutes or so." J.C.'s orders were not making sense to either Nick or Justin. "What are you talking about Josh?" Nick questioned, rising from the bed. J.C. reached into his jacket pocket and pulled out his cell phone. "Justin's going home to his husband." J.C. stated without worry. "He's what?!" Nick bellowed out. "Get your bags Justin." J.C. repeated as he began to dial numbers. Justin stood in disbelief. "Are you serious Josh?!" Nick asked loudly.

Justin found a new confidence and faith in his friend. He followed his wishes and began to gather his baggage. "Nickie tell me something... say me and you were married. I get terribly sick and get put in the hospital. Are you telling me you wouldn't hop a plane to where I was to see if I was okay and to support me?" J.C. questioned, looking for an honest answer from Nick. Nick closed his eyes and replied, "In a heart beat." J.C. smiled and began his conversation upon his phone. Nick grabbed a large bag and threw it on the bag. "Guess you'll need help?" Nick offered with a sappy smile. Justin smiled back and nodded. "And what's in here?" Nick asked softly. "Uhm... my shoes." Justin replied lowly. "How many pairs?!" Nick's voice got louder. "I think about ten this time but last time I had twenty." Justin replied with a grin. "Freak." Nick giggled.

The doors of the lobby's elevator opened with a ring. Out stepped a large man, looking around the area as Justin followed. Justin was in a state of shock. J.C. had managed a half hour battle with management to get Justin home. The shocking part to Justin was that it worked. Justin's flight left in an hour, he was leaving the tour before it even started for him. It wasn't something he was proud of but in this instance, he knew his heart wouldn't be with his fans. His heart was with the one person that woke him up each morning with a kiss and put him to sleep everynight with another kiss. He had to find his way home to Brian and thanks to J.C., he was going to.

"JUSTIN!! OH MY GOD IT'S JUSTIN!!" the sound of fans outside breached into the hotel while Justin and Lonnie tried to exit. "Oh shit." Justin said lowly. "JUSTIN!!" a girl screeched. "Marry me Justin!" another pleaded. Justin pulled out a marker and tried to sign a few autographs. "Justin! Where are you going?" a female asked with joy. Justin lowered his head, waving to the crowd. "JUSTIN! Where's Brian?!" he heard another ask. Justin shook his head and signed one more autograph. "Justin has to go now ladies... sorry." Lonnie pushed people back so Justin could reach his ride. "Bye ya'll." Justin said, waving to the load of girls.

The sounds in the room were uncomfortable. The beeping machines, the drip of medication, the darkness of the room, the sounds of passing nurses, each not fullfilling for anyone. Brian stirred slightly before groaning. His eyes batted open but quickly closed to adjust to the room. The room was dark but still new to Brian's eyes. He had been sleep since the night before and it was a new night for him. He opened his eyes once more with a slight sting. 'Oh I feel like shit right now...' Brian complained. He turned his head to the side and looked to the window. The shades were closed, preventing the night from entering. "Man... how much medicine did they give me?' Brian thought, lifting his arm. He saw the marks from the I.V. that was no longer there. He shook his head and tried to adjust his body. He felt the aches as he did but suffered through them so he could sit up in the bed.

He looked to his right and saw a figure sleeping uncomfortably in a chair. "Mom?" Brian thought, remembering his mother was the one who admitted him into the hospital. He looked again and saw the baby blue hat on the figure's head. "Baby?" Brian thought. He received no response. Brian peered hard into the shadows and he knew the features too well. He stretched and then rolled out of the bed. His feet touched the cold ground and he stood steady. He ached as he walked but he walked for a reason. He reached his destination and took a seat in the figure's lap. He cuddled to Justin with a weak smile.

Justin stirred and then yawned. He blinked his eyes open and saw Brian's head rested against his body. "Bri? Brian what are you doing sweetheart?" Justin questioned, shaking Brian slightly. "What are you doing here babe? You're supposed to be in France." Brian pondered. "I was worried about you." Justin whispered, rubbing Brian's leg. "So you lfet for a couple of days?" Brian asked, snuggling closer to Justin. "No... I'm not going back." Justin replied. Brian lifted his head in surprise. "You're not?" Brian asked. He looked into Justin's eyes and found himself caught once again. It had been weeks since he got a chance to admire his husband. "No, I'm not." Justin smiled. He leaned up and kissed Brian on the forehead.

Brian covered his mouth and began a loud coughing. Justin hugged him while he coughed. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Justin's question was heard with expectation. "Because I was afraid you'd do something like this." Brian sighed. Justin massage Brian's thigh while listening. "Where's my mom?" Brian asked. "She's taking the night off. I told her to go to the house and rest and I'll stay here with you. She already cleared it with the nurses and all." Justin stated. Brian nodded with thanks. "And they know you're my husband?" Brian questioned. "Uhm.... not exactly. I think one of the nurses has a hint but to the othes I'm just a close 'friend'." Justin answered. "I'm just glad you're here." Brian whispered, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. "Me too Bri." Justin said with an equally low voice.

Justin scooped Brian into his arms and carried him over to the bed. He laid Brian down gently. Brian relaxed on the bed before looking up to Justin. "Will you lay with me?" Brian requested, trying to relive their old moments. "Not tonight baby. You need your rest. I'm going to run and get a nurse and have her check your vitals." Justin replied softly. He ran a finger over Brian's hand with care. Brian pouted at the thought. "I'll be back baby." Justin said before walking from the room.

After a breif visit with a nurse, Justin watched as Brian tried to sleep. He ran his hands over Brian's hair, caressing his head. "I missed you so much Brian..." Justin whispered. Brian was too into his sleep to hear Justin's words. Justin careessed Brian's earlobe with his finger. "Thank God you're okay..." Justin added. He leaned down and kissed the tip of Brian's nose. "I don't know what I would have done without you." Justin said directly into Brian's ear. "I... love... you..." Brian murmured, stirring slightly in his sleep. Justin giggled and rubbed Brian's cheek. "I love you too my angel." Justin replied. He stood up straight and covered Brian up.

Justin walked away from the bed and to his chair. He grabbed his backpack and pulled out a few things. "I had better get ready for bed." Justin said, pulling out his toothbrush and a change of clothes. He looked back to see if Brian was still sleep. He smiled when he saw the light shining over Brian's face. 'I miss nights like this...' Justin said to himself before walking to the bathroom.

The water was running as Justin ran his toothbrush under it. He was humming a melody that made him smile. He began to shake his body to the beat. He wanted to break out in song but feared of waking Brian. 'That thing you do...' Justin managed to tune out. 'Man I'm gonna miss the guys...' Justin shook his head with grief. 'J.C. will have Nick though... Joey will have Britney... Chris will have Meelah and Lance...' Justin stopped himself. 'Lance won't have anyone.' the dark comment reached Justin's mind. Justin dropped his toothbrush into the sink thinking of the pain his friend would be going through alone. 'Damn it Josh... I'm happy for you and Nick... but why did you have to leave him like that... so easily too.' Justin's thoughts were darkened again.

"I've got a penny..." he heard a hoarse voice speak up. Justin glanced and saw Brian standing in the doorway. "Bbay... you shouldn't be up." Justin slid over to Brian. Brian grasped Justin's hand and walked into the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself and leaned against the door. "Do you know how long it's been since my husband held me?" Brian asked shyly. Justin gave Brian a smirk. "Is this about sex?" Justin giggled, turning to face the mirror. "I'm cold." Brian gave a mixed reply. Justin turned to him and frowned. He walked over to Brian and pulled him into a gentle hug. "Feel better?" Justin asked, rubbing his hands on Brian's upper back.

Brian let a tear run down his face. "I want to kiss you... but I can't." Brian pouted in their hug. "I know... but soon Brian." Justin replied. Brian brought his hand to Justin's curls and ran his fingers through them. "We can't make love, can we?" Brian asked. Justin hushed him. Justin ran a finger over Brian's nose when they backed away. "It's okay Bri..." Justin kissed Brian's cheek. Brian felt Justin's hand lift his hospital gown slightly. "We don't have to make love tonight cutie... tomorrow or the next will be a better day for me and you." Justin assured him.

Justin slid down Brian's body and then knelt in front of him. Brian was in awe as Justin began to lick Brian's soft penis. "It's been two weeks since I've done this... I missed this..." Justin whispered, continuing to lick Brian's growing head. "Oh..." Brian moaned softly. He leaned against the door, his weak body become weaker. Justin grabbed the base of Brian's cock and took the head into his mouth. "Mmmm..." Brian hummed. He placed his hand on Justin's head and continued to play with the curls. Justin closed his eyes and guided his tongue over the head, learning the curves again. Brian closed his eyes and let Justin pleasure in him. Justin's other hand grabbed Brian's round balls and massage them. "Mmmmmm" Justin hummed while sucking on Brian's head. Brian felt Justin's mouth take more and more of him in. Soon half of Brian's dick was sliding in and out of Justin's mouth. 'Slowly.' Justin thought, adjusting his throat for the size of Brian's head. Justin's long tungue ran the underside, rolling Brian's penis around. "Heh heh... oh yes..." Brian grunted. His pants were heavy. His head thumped against the door.

Justin continued to work over the penis. The length was appreciated by Justin. He let his throat relax once more while pulling Brian's dick out. Justin sucked just upon the head to intensify the oral sex. Brian began to sweat, the mixture of his ecstasy and his slight fever took over him. "Mmmm... oh Justin... right there... oh God yes... oh baby..." Brian groaned loudly. Justin wanted to hush him but knew it was wrong. Soon Brian was cumming deeply in Justin's mouth. The amount and power of the orgasm took Justin's mouth by surprise. He let some cum slip out while he drank the rest.

Brian panted hard with small tears filling his eyes. He was in another world of pleasure with the sexual release he had stored. Justin sucked upon the soft penis while Brian recovered. He licked the head again. "Mmmm... you taste wonderful..." Justin said. He found himself infatuated with Brian's body. He ran his fingers up and down the soft cock. "Careful... I might get hard again..." Brian breathed out. "And then maybe we can relive that again." Justin smiled, standing from where he knelt. Brian giggled, his eyes opening. "Maybe." Brian agreed.

Brian reached his hand out and grasped Justin's boxers. He pulled them down quickly and let them hang around Justin's knees. "Brian... you can't give me a blow job." Justin stopped Brian's moves. Brian inced forward with a smile. "Who said I was going to?" Brian asked with an exotic smile. "I just thought..." Brian's fingre covered Justin's red lips. "You thought too hard then." Brian whispered. He let Justin get hard in the silence. Brian's smile didn't cease. He reached his hand down and grasped Justin's hot dick. Justin groaned lowly. "Have you... uhm, played with it?" Brian asked, begnning to jack the head of Justin's dick. "Not.... not in about a week..." Justin gasped. Brian nodded and continued to rub Justin's smooth head. Brian leaned back against the door and coaxed Justin to hug him. Justin did so without wait. Brian smiled as Justin nuzzled his lips to Brian's neck. Justin began to kiss the neck slowly. "Does this feel a little better?" Brian asked, beginning to jerk the full length of Justin's meat. "Just you touching it makes me feel better..." Justin panted. Brian nodded.

Brian led his other hand to Justin's backside. He rubbed Justin's soft ass carefully. "I'm going to try and make up for not being able to make love..." Brian gave a simple warning. He slipped a finger over Justin's hole, causing Justin to groan hard. Justin spread his legs and let his muscles relax before Brian slipped the finger inside. Justin pressed his lips to Brian's neck. Brian began to slip the finger around inside of Justin. "Baby... mmm, baby... yeah... yes, yes... oh..." Justin moaned. He ran his tongue over Brian's neck. "Ooh... oh Justin..." Brian grunted. Justinr ested his chin on Brian's shoulder as Brian jacked him off faster. The fingering added to Justin's pleasure. "Mmmmm.... please keep going..." Justin requested. Brian nodded and did as Justin wished. "Oh Brian... heh heh... I'm going to..." Justin heaved hard, thrusting his hips with Brian's hand. Brian burried his finger in Justin, rubbing his prostate. "Oh I'm... I'm gonna shoot..." Justin panted. Brian slowed himself so he could feel the force of Justin's orgasm. "Oh baby... oh Brian... yes! YES!" Justin groaned. "Come on Justin..." Brian coaxed him. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....." Justin hummed, finally releasing his sperm to Brian's hand and shooting onto Brian's legs. "Oh... mmmm...." Justin continued to maon as he shot. He ejaculated for what seemed like hours but were no more than a minute. He hugged Brian tightly while cumming. "Yes Justin..." Brian whispered, removing his hand from Justin's ass.

Brian released Justin's limp cock. He wiped Justin's cum on his gown and smiled. Justin leaned up and kissed the tip of Brian's nose again. "I love you." Justin said without the tears he had been used to shedding. Brian smiled. He opened the door and they both leaned off of it. "I love you too Just." Brian whispered. Justin scooped Brian into his arms and just held him. "Time to go to beddy bye." Justin cooed. Brian rubbed Justin's nose and grinned. "Are you going to sing me a lulabye?" Brian snickered. "If you're good." Justin agreed. Brian nodded happily.

"Lay with me?" Brian's soft request made Justin frown. "I can't babe." Justin sighed. Brian nodded and let Justin carry him back into the other room. Justin laid Brian down again. Brian held Justin's hand with a small grin. "You mean the world to me... I feel so much better knowing I have you here." Brian's sore voice said. Justin pulled Brian's hair back with his gentle smile. "Will you be the father of my child?" Justin giggled. Brian nodded happily. "If you'll be my son's dad." Brian laughed. "Only if you'll be there with me." Justin's face became serious. "From the time Angel starts walking until the time Angel gets married and until the time we see our first grandchild." Brian agreed. Justin saw the hope and power in Brian's eyes. "That child will be our Angel." Justin whispered, kissing the top of Brian's head. Brian nodded and closed his eyes to go sleep. "Together... forever." Justin interlocked their left ring fingers. The rings shimmered in the pale light of the room. "Always." Brian added softly. He grasped Justin's hand to hold it.

"Sing to me." Brian requested. Justin thought of a song, one of his favorite Shanice ballads and began to sing it for Brian.

I can't stay

And keep living this lie

I finally found the strength to say goodbye

I'm on my way

Nothing can change my mind

I'm leaving behind what we had

Yesterday

The song was heard within many hearts that night. In the room of Kevin Richardson, where he sat admiring a picture of his girlfriend Nikki. In the hearts of J.C. Chasez and Nick Carter as they made love on Nick's bed. Each time Nick kissed J.C.'s lips, it symbolized something to them. In the lobby of the hotel where Lance Bass sat lonely. Nothing or no one to comfort him. He needed to be downstairs and away from the sounds of his ex-boyfriends make slow and passionate love. It tore his heart and brought his pale green eyes to undenialable tears. In the room of Howie Dorough where he thought of Danay and what he could have with her. In the hallway where Joey and Britney sat just looking at each other as growing friends again. In the room of Misha Grinestead, where she thought of her son and boyfriend. Nothing but love was thought of when she dreamed of the two. In the room of Meelah Williams, where her and Chris Kirkpatrick shared quiet kisses and soft conversations. In the room of A.J. McLean, where he and his girlfriend Amanda Latona talked over how they were to raise their child and what a wonderful day it will be when the baby is born. In the room of Irish Grinstead, where she thought of family and her concerns for Brian's health. Even in Aaron Carter's room, where he slept dreaming of Mandy Moore and his family.

Justin smiled and stood next to Brian until he was fully asleep. "Sweet dreams Brian... I'll be right here when you wake." Justin whispered, kissing Brian's cheek. Brian sighed as he slept. his dreams of Justin and their child were just beginning.

TO BE CONTINUED...

*** DID YOU MISS ME?! Well I missed writing and it's been hard to actually get to it. In fact it's three in the morning now and I'm just finishing. So it's been rough. I'm sorry people for the late delivery. It's been a busy time for me with school and other things. But I did finish with a LOT of people bugging me to. :) But it's all good: Thanks Rob, Jason and CJ! I've got some very interesting things planned. I HAVE to say thank you to Rick for letting me write in 'The One'. Just a notice, I ONLY wrote the part with Brian and Justin. That long section was me. The rest was ALL Rick, he's taleneted like that. I've got a MAJOR project coming up that I'm hoping to blow people's minds with. I won't say what though. Let's see, I have to thank Lee for giving me 'Sailing'. Oh, thanks to the folks that were in the Game Show. White Knight won that one. He writes 'Justin's Dreams' ya'll. Special little shoutout to Mike of 'Nick & Justin'. He actually mentioned me in his intro because I won so many dang awards! I feel special now. :) And to my rugrats (CJ & Allen). Also I have to thank two of my favorite girl readers: KC & Cailen. Ya'll are the best! I love you two. That's about it people. If I forget to mention someone for an idea or something, let me know so I can do it next time but don't take it personal. It's late! Thanks to you all and until next time... ***

** Okay, the next soundtrack is ALMOST done. It's for the "movie" I have Leigh Ann in called 'It Never Happened'. This one features Brian Littrell, Innosense, Mocha, 'N Sync, Britney Spears, Aaron Carter, Michael Fredo, Don Philip, Foxy Brown, Backstreet Boys, LFO and many others. So check it out either on the webpgae or ask me for it at my new request line address: BJ100@bsbmillennium.com You can request songs there, also give story ideas or ask me questions about the story and upcoming info. OH YEAH, the webpage has been updated. For all of you asking, you can check it out now. Big thanks to Netboy for doing that for me! For those of you wondering also, I did NOT mean that Howie and Chris were getting together. I meant they were getting girlfriends. So now you know and knowing is half the battle. Okay, I'm hoping to get the next part out by the end of September at the latest. I know, that's a wait for ya! Sorry. I have SO MUCH mail to get to now. Don't hate me for being slow. :) **

--- DECEMBER - BIG changes! You'll never know what to expect and you won't know what to do when things do happen. Watch closely as the 'fourth quater' brings new light to 'Just Beginning'. Don't look forward to it, fear it. When the snow falls, things change. Winter's storm is upon you... --- The doors of the lobby's elevator opened with a ring. Out stepped a large man, looking around the area as Justin followed. Justin was in a state of shock. J.C. had managed a half hour battle with management to get Justin home. The shocking part to Justin was that it worked. Justin's flight left in an hour, he was leaving the tour before it even started for him. It wasn't something he was proud of but in this instance, he knew his heart wouldn't be with his fans. His heart was with the one person that woke him up each morning with a kiss and put him to sleep everynight with another kiss. He had to find his way home to Brian and thanks to J.C., he was going to.

"JUSTIN!! OH MY GOD IT'S JUSTIN!!" the sound of fans outside breached into the hotel while Justin and Lonnie tried to exit. "Oh shit." Justin said lowly. "JUSTIN!!" a girl screeched. "Marry me Justin!" another pleaded. Justin pulled out a marker and tried to sign a few autographs. "Justin! Where are you going?" a female asked with joy. Justin lowered his head, waving to the crowd. "JUSTIN! Where's Brian?!" he heard another ask. Justin shook his head and signed one more autograph. "Justin has to go now ladies... sorry." Lonnie pushed people back so Justin could reach his ride. "Bye ya'll." Justin said, waving to the load of girls.

The sounds in the room were uncomfortable. The beeping machines, the drip of medication, the darkness of the room, the sounds of passing nurses, each not fullfilling for anyone. Brian stirred slightly before groaning. His eyes batted open but quickly closed to adjust to the room. The room was dark but still new to Brian's eyes. He had been sleep since the night before and it was a new night for him. He opened his eyes once more with a slight sting. 'Oh I feel like shit right now...' Brian complained. He turned his head to the side and looked to the window. The shades were closed, preventing the night from entering. "Man... how much medicine did they give me?' Brian thought, lifting his arm. He saw the marks from the I.V. that was no longer there. He shook his head and tried to adjust his body. He felt the aches as he did but suffered through them so he could sit up in the bed.

He looked to his right and saw a figure sleeping uncomfortably in a chair. "Mom?" Brian thought, remembering his mother was the one who admitted him into the hospital. He looked again and saw the baby blue hat on the figure's head. "Baby?" Brian thought. He received no response. Brian peered hard into the shadows and he knew the features too well. He stretched and then rolled out of the bed. His feet touched the cold ground and he stood steady. He ached as he walked but he walked for a reason. He reached his destination and took a seat in the figure's lap. He cuddled to Justin with a weak smile.

Justin stirred and then yawned. He blinked his eyes open and saw Brian's head rested against his body. "Bri? Brian what are you doing sweetheart?" Justin questioned, shaking Brian slightly. "What are you doing here babe? You're supposed to be in France." Brian pondered. "I was worried about you." Justin whispered, rubbing Brian's leg. "So you lfet for a couple of days?" Brian asked, snuggling closer to Justin. "No... I'm not going back." Justin replied. Brian lifted his head in surprise. "You're not?" Brian asked. He looked into Justin's eyes and found himself caught once again. It had been weeks since he got a chance to admire his husband. "No, I'm not." Justin smiled. He leaned up and kissed Brian on the forehead.

Brian covered his mouth and began a loud coughing. Justin hugged him while he coughed. "Why didn't you tell me you were sick?" Justin's question was heard with expectation. "Because I was afraid you'd do something like this." Brian sighed. Justin massage Brian's thigh while listening. "Where's my mom?" Brian asked. "She's taking the night off. I told her to go to the house and rest and I'll stay here with you. She already cleared it with the nurses and all." Justin stated. Brian nodded with thanks. "And they know you're my husband?" Brian questioned. "Uhm.... not exactly. I think one of the nurses has a hint but to the othes I'm just a close 'friend'." Justin answered. "I'm just glad you're here." Brian whispered, wrapping his arms around Justin's neck. "Me too Bri." Justin said with an equally low voice.

Justin scooped Brian into his arms and carried him over to the bed. He laid Brian down gently. Brian relaxed on the bed before looking up to Justin. "Will you lay with me?" Brian requested, trying to relive their old moments. "Not tonight baby. You need your rest. I'm going to run and get a nurse and have her check your vitals." Justin replied softly. He ran a finger over Brian's hand with care. Brian pouted at the thought. "I'll be back baby." Justin said before walking from the room.

After a breif visit with a nurse, Justin watched as Brian tried to sleep. He ran his hands over Brian's hair, caressing his head. "I missed you so much Brian..." Justin whispered. Brian was too into his sleep to hear Justin's words. Justin careessed Brian's earlobe with his finger. "Thank God you're okay..." Justin added. He leaned down and kissed the tip of Brian's nose. "I don't know what I would have done without you." Justin said directly into Brian's ear. "I... love... you..." Brian murmured, stirring slightly in his sleep. Justin giggled and rubbed Brian's cheek. "I love you too my angel." Justin replied. He stood up straight and covered Brian up.

Justin walked away from the bed and to his chair. He grabbed his backpack and pulled out a few things. "I had better get ready for bed." Justin said, pulling out his toothbrush and a change of clothes. He looked back to see if Brian was still sleep. He smiled when he saw the light shining over Brian's face. 'I miss nights like this...' Justin said to himself before walking to the bathroom.

The water was running as Justin ran his toothbrush under it. He was humming a melody that made him smile. He began to shake his body to the beat. He wanted to break out in song but feared of waking Brian. 'That thing you do...' Justin managed to tune out. 'Man I'm gonna miss the guys...' Justin shook his head with grief. 'J.C. will have Nick though... Joey will have Britney... Chris will have Meelah and Lance...' Justin stopped himself. 'Lance won't have anyone.' the dark comment reached Justin's mind. Justin dropped his toothbrush into the sink thinking of the pain his friend would be going through alone. 'Damn it Josh... I'm happy for you and Nick... but why did you have to leave him like that... so easily too.' Justin's thoughts were darkened again.

"I've got a penny..." he heard a hoarse voice speak up. Justin glanced and saw Brian standing in the doorway. "Bbay... you shouldn't be up." Justin slid over to Brian. Brian grasped Justin's hand and walked into the bathroom. He closed the door behind himself and leaned against the door. "Do you know how long it's been since my husband held me?" Brian asked shyly. Justin gave Brian a smirk. "Is this about sex?" Justin giggled, turning to face the mirror. "I'm cold." Brian gave a mixed reply. Justin turned to him and frowned. He walked over to Brian and pulled him into a gentle hug. "Feel better?" Justin asked, rubbing his hands on Brian's upper back.

Brian let a tear run down his face. "I want to kiss you... but I can't." Brian pouted in their hug. "I know... but soon Brian." Justin replied. Brian brought his hand to Justin's curls and ran his fingers through them. "We can't make love, can we?" Brian asked. Justin hushed him. Justin ran a finger over Brian's nose when they backed away. "It's okay Bri..." Justin kissed Brian's cheek. Brian felt Justin's hand lift his hospital gown slightly. "We don't have to make love tonight cutie... tomorrow or the next will be a better day for me and you." Justin assured him.

Justin slid down Brian's body and then knelt in front of him. Brian was in awe as Justin began to lick Brian's soft penis. "It's been two weeks since I've done this... I missed this..." Justin whispered, continuing to lick Brian's growing head. "Oh..." Brian moaned softly. He leaned against the door, his weak body become weaker. Justin grabbed the base of Brian's cock and took the head into his mouth. "Mmmm..." Brian hummed. He placed his hand on Justin's head and continued to play with the curls. Justin closed his eyes and guided his tongue over the head, learning the curves again. Brian closed his eyes and let Justin pleasure in him. Justin's other hand grabbed Brian's round balls and massage them. "Mmmmmm" Justin hummed while sucking on Brian's head. Brian felt Justin's mouth take more and more of him in. Soon half of Brian's dick was sliding in and out of Justin's mouth. 'Slowly.' Justin thought, adjusting his throat for the size of Brian's head. Justin's long tungue ran the underside, rolling Brian's penis around. "Heh heh... oh yes..." Brian grunted. His pants were heavy. His head thumped against the door.

Justin continued to work over the penis. The length was appreciated by Justin. He let his throat relax once more while pulling Brian's dick out. Justin sucked just upon the head to intensify the oral sex. Brian began to sweat, the mixture of his ecstasy and his slight fever took over him. "Mmmm... oh Justin... right there... oh God yes... oh baby..." Brian groaned loudly. Justin wanted to hush him but knew it was wrong. Soon Brian was cumming deeply in Justin's mouth. The amount and power of the orgasm took Justin's mouth by surprise. He let some cum slip out while he drank the rest.

Brian panted hard with small tears filling his eyes. He was in another world of pleasure with the sexual release he had stored. Justin sucked upon the soft penis while Brian recovered. He licked the head again. "Mmmm... you taste wonderful..." Justin said. He found himself infatuated with Brian's body. He ran his fingers up and down the soft cock. "Careful... I might get hard again..." Brian breathed out. "And then maybe we can relive that again." Justin smiled, standing from where he knelt. Brian giggled, his eyes opening. "Maybe." Brian agreed.

Brian reached his hand out and grasped Justin's boxers. He pulled them down quickly and let them hang around Justin's knees. "Brian... you can't give me a blow job." Justin stopped Brian's moves. Brian inced forward with a smile. "Who said I was going to?" Brian asked with an exotic smile. "I just thought..." Brian's fingre covered Justin's red lips. "You thought too hard then." Brian whispered. He let Justin get hard in the silence. Brian's smile didn't cease. He reached his hand down and grasped Justin's hot dick. Justin groaned lowly. "Have you... uhm, played with it?" Brian asked, begnning to jack the head of Justin's dick. "Not.... not in about a week..." Justin gasped. Brian nodded and continued to rub Justin's smooth head. Brian leaned back against the door and coaxed Justin to hug him. Justin did so without wait. Brian smiled as Justin nuzzled his lips to Brian's neck. Justin began to kiss the neck slowly. "Does this feel a little better?" Brian asked, beginning to jerk the full length of Justin's meat. "Just you touching it makes me feel better..." Justin panted. Brian nodded.

Brian led his other hand to Justin's backside. He rubbed Justin's soft ass carefully. "I'm going to try and make up for not being able to make love..." Brian gave a simple warning. He slipped a finger over Justin's hole, causing Justin to groan hard. Justin spread his legs and let his muscles relax before Brian slipped the finger inside. Justin pressed his lips to Brian's neck. Brian began to slip the finger around inside of Justin. "Baby... mmm, baby... yeah... yes, yes... oh..." Justin moaned. He ran his tongue over Brian's neck. "Ooh... oh Justin..." Brian grunted. Justinr ested his chin on Brian's shoulder as Brian jacked him off faster. The fingering added to Justin's pleasure. "Mmmmm.... please keep going..." Justin requested. Brian nodded and did as Justin wished. "Oh Brian... heh heh... I'm going to..." Justin heaved hard, thrusting his hips with Brian's hand. Brian burried his finger in Justin, rubbing his prostate. "Oh I'm... I'm gonna shoot..." Justin panted. Brian slowed himself so he could feel the force of Justin's orgasm. "Oh baby... oh Brian... yes! YES!" Justin groaned. "Come on Justin..." Brian coaxed him. "Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmm....." Justin hummed, finally releasing his sperm to Brian's hand and shooting onto Brian's legs. "Oh... mmmm...." Justin continued to maon as he shot. He ejaculated for what seemed like hours but were no more than a minute. He hugged Brian tightly while cumming. "Yes Justin..." Brian whispered, removing his hand from Justin's ass.

Brian released Justin's limp cock. He wiped Justin's cum on his gown and smiled. Justin leaned up and kissed the tip of Brian's nose again. "I love you." Justin said without the tears he had been used to shedding. Brian smiled. He opened the door and they both leaned off of it. "I love you too Just." Brian whispered. Justin scooped Brian into his arms and just held him. "Time to go to beddy bye." Justin cooed. Brian rubbed Justin's nose and grinned. "Are you going to sing me a lulabye?" Brian snickered. "If you're good." Justin agreed. Brian nodded happily.

"Lay with me?" Brian's soft request made Justin frown. "I can't babe." Justin sighed. Brian nodded and let Justin carry him back into the other room. Justin laid Brian down again. Brian held Justin's hand with a small grin. "You mean the world to me... I feel so much better knowing I have you here." Brian's sore voice said. Justin pulled Brian's hair back with his gentle smile. "Will you be the father of my child?" Justin giggled. Brian nodded happily. "If you'll be my son's dad." Brian laughed. "Only if you'll be there with me." Justin's face became serious. "From the time Angel starts walking until the time Angel gets married and until the time we see our first grandchild." Brian agreed. Justin saw the hope and power in Brian's eyes. "That child will be our Angel." Justin whispered, kissing the top of Brian's head. Brian nodded and closed his eyes to go sleep. "Together... forever." Justin interlocked their left ring fingers. The rings shimmered in the pale light of the room. "Always." Brian added softly. He grasped Justin's hand to hold it.

"Sing to me." Brian requested. Justin thought of a song, one of his favorite Shanice ballads and began to sing it for Brian.

I can't stay

And keep living this lie

I finally found the strength to say goodbye

I'm on my way

Nothing can change my mind

I'm leaving behind what we had

Yesterday

The song was heard within many hearts that night. In the room of Kevin Richardson, where he sat admiring a picture of his girlfriend Nikki. In the hearts of J.C. Chasez and Nick Carter as they made love on Nick's bed. Each time Nick kissed J.C.'s lips, it symbolized something to them. In the lobby of the hotel where Lance Bass sat lonely. Nothing or no one to comfort him. He needed to be downstairs and away from the sounds of his ex-boyfriends make slow and passionate love. It tore his heart and brought his pale green eyes to undenialable tears. In the room of Howie Dorough where he thought of Danay and what he could have with her. In the hallway where Joey and Britney sat just looking at each other as growing friends again. In the room of Misha Grinestead, where she thought of her son and boyfriend. Nothing but love was thought of when she dreamed of the two. In the room of Meelah Williams, where her and Chris Kirkpatrick shared quiet kisses and soft conversations. In the room of A.J. McLean, where he and his girlfriend Amanda Latona talked over how they were to raise their child and what a wonderful day it will be when the baby is born. In the room of Irish Grinstead, where she thought of family and her concerns for Brian's health. Even in Aaron Carter's room, where he slept dreaming of Mandy Moore and his family.

Justin smiled and stood next to Brian until he was fully asleep. "Sweet dreams Brian... I'll be right here when you wake." Justin whispered, kissing Brian's cheek. Brian sighed as he slept. his dreams of Justin and their child were just beginning.

TO BE CONTINUED...

*** DID YOU MISS ME?! Well I missed writing and it's been hard to actually get to it. In fact it's three in the morning now and I'm just finishing. So it's been rough. I'm sorry people for the late delivery. It's been a busy time for me with school and other things. But I did finish with a LOT of people bugging me to. :) But it's all good: Thanks Rob, Jason and CJ! I've got some very interesting things planned. I HAVE to say thank you to Rick for letting me write in 'The One'. Just a notice, I ONLY wrote the part with Brian and Justin. That long section was me. The rest was ALL Rick, he's taleneted like that. I've got a MAJOR project coming up that I'm hoping to blow people's minds with. I won't say what though. Let's see, I have to thank Lee for giving me 'Sailing'. Oh, thanks to the folks that were in the Game Show. White Knight won that one. He writes 'Justin's Dreams' ya'll. Special little shoutout to Mike of 'Nick & Justin'. He actually mentioned me in his intro because I won so many dang awards! I feel special now. :) And to my rugrats (CJ & Allen). Also I have to thank two of my favorite girl readers: KC & Cailen. Ya'll are the best! I love you two. That's about it people. If I forget to mention someone for an idea or something, let me know so I can do it next time but don't take it personal. It's late! Thanks to you all and until next time... ***

** Okay, the next soundtrack is ALMOST done. It's for the "movie" I have Leigh Ann in called 'It Never Happened'. This one features Brian Littrell, Innosense, Mocha, 'N Sync, Britney Spears, Aaron Carter, Michael Fredo, Don Philip, Foxy Brown, Backstreet Boys, LFO and many others. So check it out either on the webpgae or ask me for it at my new request line address: BJ100@bsbmillennium.com You can request songs there, also give story ideas or ask me questions about the story and upcoming info. OH YEAH, the webpage has been updated. For all of you asking, you can check it out now. Big thanks to Netboy for doing that for me! For those of you wondering also, I did NOT mean that Howie and Chris were getting together. I meant they were getting girlfriends. So now you know and knowing is half the battle. Okay, I'm hoping to get the next part out by the end of September at the latest. I know, that's a wait for ya! Sorry. I have SO MUCH mail to get to now. Don't hate me for being slow. :) **

--- DECEMBER - BIG changes! You'll never know what to expect and you won't know what to do when things do happen. Watch closely as the 'fourth quater' brings new light to 'Just Beginning'. Don't look forward to it, fear it. When the snow falls, things change. Winter's storm is upon you... ---