Unlike Me Written by JM
** Disclaimer: Don't own em, don't know em, not factual. No harm, no foul. Please be at least the age of 18. **
There are no guarantees in life
Not for the present, nor for the future
All I know is that I am here;
Don't know for how long
I love the way you live so intensely
Enjoy every minute of life
With space to swing your arms around
Laughing loudly
The rush still shook through his bones. Sweat was still beading across his face and the towel he had hanging off his shoulders did little to help with the perspiration. He could still hear the chants from the arena, screams that he was accustom to but ones that still gyrated that little fix inside of him that he needed to have itched every once in awhile. Voices were surrounding him but he was drowning them out with thoughts, fingers hastily pulling the In Ear Monitors from his ears before unfastening the receiver pack from his hip. He was quick in handing the device to one of the technicians as he passed, eyes staring straight forward as dozens of people called to him and he could only smile but his feet continued their trek.
He wanted to strip off the gray shirt he wore, walk with an almost blind cockiness in just his wifebeater and gray slacks. He merely pulled at the collar, adjusting it as the sweat tried to stick the garment to his skin. He could still hear voices all around him, ones filled with congratulations while others were spouting off information he was sure he had to pay attention but prayed one of his assistants, Annie, caught on as she walked a few feet behind him.
"Great job Justin!"
"You killed out there!"
"The show was amazing like always!"
He nodded because he wasn't truly paying attention to every word but he had to look competent even though he was far from dwelling on the show he had just put on. Not that the excitement didn't still jolt him or the songs weren't still flooded portions of his thoughts. He was ambling through other thoughts that passed through other worlds and every emotion was trapped underneath that perfectionist stature he carried so naturally.
"The car will be ready in fifteen minutes J."
He nodded again because he paid attention to that voice. It was Trace and Trace always kept him up-to-date on the things that did matter to him. He wanted to escape the venue, get to whatever hotel he had checked into earlier, and sleep for those few short hours he knew he'd have before he had to leave for another destination or appointment.
"You don't have a club appearance scheduled tonight Justin, but I think it'd be good publicity for you to at least show up at one of the clubs. I have a list of some and numbers to the managers to set up an arrival. All accommodations can be furnished at least an hour before you get there."
He half paid attention to the other voice. It was Annie. She was always nothing but pins and needles. Nothing light, nothing without an air of urgency. He laughed to himself because he figured Annie was like that even when it came to small things like using the restroom. It was all timed, prepped, and overdone in some way that made him glad she was his assistant but glad she was nothing above that.
"Security's holding down your dressing room and D keeps paging me about something but I haven't had time to stop and find out what it is. I'm sure it's nothing major league, kid."
Lorenzo's voice caught his attention as he nodded toward a passing Timbaland. He sighed, pulling the towel from his shoulder to wipe his face.
He was craving water and wished he hadn't dashed that last bottle of water when he first exited the stage. He thought about having Trace gather his things so he could sit in a corner of the venue and think for awhile. No voices, no ass kissing that led him to believe that just a little more of the world was a facade he hadn't yet escaped.
"Trace, tell the driver I might need an extra ten minutes to just clear my head before I head out," Justin finally said, turning his head a little toward his best friend. He caught Trace nodded with a concerned expression flooding his face. "You can go ahead with Annie to the hotel. I'll be cool with Lorenzo riding with me."
Justin continued to stroll down the various halls, half-turning toward Annie before adding, "Annie, I'm not going out tonight. Not in the mood, sales are up, and the publicity line is a little overrated."
He sighed and tossed his towel toward one of his label reps. He cared little when shouting ensued because it brought a little grin to his lips knowing he had pissed someone off. He put a mental check next to the thought of releasing some of his tension through agitating others.
Justin reached his dressing room, a few people gathered near and far but none in front of the door. He let Lorenzo open the door and tried to ignore Annie as she called out, "But Justin..."
"See you at the hotel Annie," he called back, his head hung low as he drifted into the room, waving a hand offhandedly toward her.
"Justin!"
While the voice wasn't foreign to him, it was beyond unexpected. It caused his head to lift, his eyes to go wide, and his mouth to fumble from shut to slightly ajar. Astonished didn't quite define his feelings or the way his heart was fluttering. He was fumbling with thoughts and questions while instincts were telling him to welcome the surprise.
"Justin! Justin!"
"Baylee?"
Thoughts were forced to the back of Justin's mind when he caught the sight of the young boy dashing toward him. He stumbled slightly when small arms wrapped around his left leg, a cheek pressing into his thigh. He couldn't fight against the smile that was slicking against his lips when he saw the child staring up at him with bright, wide eyes and a cherry-red smirk plastered across his own lips. He reached down and tousled blonde, curly locks that were adorning the boy's head. He managed to kneel down when the arms unfastened from his leg and he was taken aback when those arms reached out and wrapped around his neck.
"Baylee Littrell, what are you doing here?" Justin inquired, letting the young boy scoot in between his legs while his own arms encircled Baylee and pulled him into a tight embrace. He stood to his feet, lifting Baylee from the ground while still hugging him.
"Now I know when I signed up for this gig Timberlake that I might have to baby-sit you in a figurative sense but I didn't know I would have to do the sitting in a literal sense," D remarked from a corner of the large room, sitting on one of the leather couches.
Justin raised his brow, his eyes turning to D while he adjusted Baylee in his arms. "Why are you babysitting Baylee? How did Baylee get here?"
"Daddy's here," Baylee cheered, toying with one of Justin's earlobes as he spoke.
Justin turned to Baylee with a halfhearted smile, playfully trying to bite Baylee's fingers while laughing. Baylee screeched with delight and struggled against Justin's grip.
"Pop's was trying to reach you. He was blowing up your phone and blackberry but you were onstage. Lorenzo got him in and he was chillin' back here for awhile but he got a phone call and Mike from security walked with him somewhere," D explained, folding his arms while trying to hide a smile toward Justin and Baylee.
"Why didn't you or Lorenzo go with him? Is he okay?" Justin inquired, glancing back to D.
"Hello, I was watching the kid Timberlake. Plus Lorenzo was by the stage with Trace and company all night. I couldn't even get a hold of him," D retorted, still planted firmly in the corner of the couch.
"You're not happy to see me?"
Justin turned his head immediately, catching the way those ones cherry-red lips began to form a frown and Baylee's eyes shifted from looking at Justin to watching his own hands toy with the collar of Justin's shirt. It wasn't guilt that was embracing him but a need to fix a miscommunication. He was falling over unguided mental steps that left him without words for a moment.
He took a quiet breath and managed to bring Baylee's eyes up to his own.
"Are you kidding me? I've missed you like crazy Baylee," Justin said, his words true and lifted by a tinge of excitement that was bubbling from his gut. He released the smile that was tugging at the corners of his mouth when Baylee's eyes lit up again. "I just wasn't expecting you until tomorrow, that's all."
No sooner than the words had cleared Justin's lips was the door behind him being pounded on and then opened. He scooted forward, turning to glare at the door as it was pushed open. He caught Lorenzo stepping inside but couldn't see too far past him to see who followed.
"Trace headed back to the hotel and said the driver would wait thirty minutes for you to get your stuff together," Lorenzo noted, fully stepping into the room. He cleared his throat before adding, "I told them I wouldn't rush you. You've got some company."
Justin nodded because he was too caught up at staring at Brian Littrell to care what Lorenzo was saying. His heart missed a beat and while he was sure he wanted to smile a little harder at Brian's mere presence, he couldn't because Brian wasn't exactly smiling and there was someone else standing behind Brian. He had found so many reasons to get lost in those soft blue eyes before. He hadn't seen them in at least two weeks, too much travel on the road for both. There were too many missed phone calls in their phones, too many nights were they were too sleepy to do anything other than whisper a few words of promise and happiness shared. Justin had spent more time talking to Baylee than Brian because Brian had too many obligations when Justin called, not that it bothered him. He just wanted that soft, country voice to say something funny or endearing or just "hello."
He recognized the person standing behind Brian. He didn't want to take his eyes away from Brian but had to. He observed the taller man behind Brian, all smug grins and loud conversations through his cell phone. They were acquainted, more than Justin wanted to be in some parts of his life. It was some kind of silent rivalry that neither acknowledged on common ground but it was there. But Justin wasn't expecting him, didn't think he would be anywhere within his vicinity.
"Yeah, I'm here with them now. I'll call you back."
"It's Uncle Nick!"
Baylee's exclamation shook Justin from his daze and he returned his attention to Brian, hoping for some unspoken explanation that wouldn't lead Justin to bitterness or jealousy that he could already feel tugging at the lining of his stomach and marching up to his heart. He lowered Baylee from his arms and permitted Brian's son to scamper toward Nick while Brian took a few steps closer to Justin. Justin rolled his neck and shoulders, trying to shake away his hidden tension.
"I need water," he mumbled before words could clear Brian's lips, looking past Brian to see Baylee high-five Nick with glee.
"I..."
"So is this how you two greet each other because it's kind of odd and a little disturbing," Nick announced, patting Baylee's head while glaring at Brian inching closer to Justin. He caught the way Justin's head snapped in his direction with an arched eyebrow and a pout forming on his lips. He could only smirk. "Great show by the way Timberlake. Wish you would've thrown some more of the old stuff in there but it was good enough for me to not pay for."
Justin exhaled through his nose, unsure if his irritation was directed more toward Nick or Brian. He squinted his eyes and let his stare focus on Brian, the older man dropping his head and shyly sliding his hands into the pocket of his jeans. It had been two weeks. Two weeks where Justin wanted to touch, to kiss, to sleep under the weight of Brian's body. He wanted Brian to whisper things to him, hug him when he was tired, and make jokes when his mind was twisted in random thoughts. He didn't know what he wanted now.
"The silence is nice. Good way to make him suffer," Nick commented, leaning against the door with Baylee standing near him. "Seriously Justin, he told me because I'm his best friend. I'm guessing that's why you haven't said much and really, it's not necessary. It's not the end of the fuckin' world here."
"Language," Brian quickly hissed, lifting his head to eye Nick. Nick snorted and nodded toward him, turning his head back toward Justin.
Justin was quick to reach out, fingers grasping loosely at Brian's elbow. He sucked in his lower lip and suffered through the damage as Brian's head turned toward him, eyes bright but still docile. He waited on a smile or some form of gratitude for the touch because Justin was far from forgiving his own anger toward the situation. But he had a little more to prove.
"I wasn't expecting you until tomorrow morning," Justin whispered. He gave Brian's elbow a small squeeze and it encouraged Brian enough to move those final inches toward Justin. It was there. A breathy smile that was almost reminiscent of Baylee's. Justin welcomed it, pushing out his own reluctant one.
"At the airport, I know," Brian replied, nodding while keeping his voice soft. He let Justin's fingers dance up his arm, fingers creeping under his T-shirt until they could trace over his shoulder. It was rare that he was open with his affection in front of Baylee. There was only that one time when Baylee woke to the two spooning at the edge of the bed in Atlanta. Other than that, there wasn't anything. A hug goodbye or a quick peck hello but nothing definite. He found it difficult to explain to his son. He found it difficult to explain to himself some days.
"Yeah, that would be me," Nick cheered, leaning off the door and strolling through the dressing room. He drug his fingers through his blonde hair and tilted his head to examine various objects in the room. "I got them an earlier flight the second I heard Brian was coming to town around the same approximate time that I'd be in town."
Justin again removed his eyes from Brian, blood rushing to his face. How could he have been so angered by Nick's appearance already? Had they not met several times through different business matters? Justin wasn't quite as irritated then, but he was also younger. He had more patience for idiocy then because he held his own. He was far from those moments.
"The guy's got nerve," D remarked, rising from the couch.
Justin chuckled because Nick did. He always did. Justin could remember that much even if he couldn't remember how he survived any conversation with Nick when they did run into each other. He let his hand trickle down Brian's arm. He stopped when the back of his hand brushed Brian's, his pinky interlocking with Brian's. He didn't want to lose his small amount of closeness with Brian despite his thoughts toward his friend.
"I'm glad I'm here," Brian remarked, words so soft he wondered if Justin caught them as Nick began another rant.
Justin turned his head to Brian and sighed out a small smile. His exhaustion was wearing on parts of him but he refused to let it slow his feelings. "I'm glad you're here too."
Brian sank into that contentment that he rarely felt unless it involved his son, or Justin. He twitched his nose when Justin's thumb met with his chin, rubbing gently in circles that were somewhere near comforting and far from being patronizing. He took in a deep breath, Justin's scent so familiar though it was hidden slightly underneath that on-stage veneer that he knew everyone carried after putting on a show like Justin did. He wished he had caught more of it, wasn't so bonded to being in the dressing room or searching through the venue for Nick.
"Daddy, can we get food?" Baylee questioned, his voice walking the line of whiny and curious. "Because you said when Justin got here, we could."
Just the slightest whisper of his son's voice caused Justin's thumb to swipe away and Brian's eyes to turn downward. He refused to relinquish his smile, ducking his head to stare at Baylee. He reacted naturally to the hand tugging at his jeans, warmed by the tender gesture. It was all too familiar and still wanted on every level of the meaning.
"Oh, I know this great place we should head to. Good food, private, smoking section," Nick insisted, flipping open his cell phone while keeping eyes laced with images of Brian and Baylee. "Justin, you should so come with."
"Do they still have those?" Justin inquired to an earlier comment, ignoring Nick's need to add him into an equation he was sure Brian had already planned to.
"The car's going to leave soon and I don't mind calling for another one, but if we're making another destination it'd be nice to know a little ahead of time J," Lorenzo announced, his tone a little deaf on politeness.
Justin nodded, scrubbing his nails over the skin of his arm. He glanced around because the dressing room was still pretty tidy and he didn't have to gather up too much to leave. But the thought of a hotel bed, any bed, sounded so comforting rather than trekking the night away with Nick Carter.
"Food would be nice," Brian half-sung, glancing at Justin now.
Justin was debating. He was chewing on the corner of his bottom lip and ignoring the sounds of his cell phone buzzing against the table near a vanity mirror. He was sure D or Lorenzo could give Brian directions back to the hotel. Maybe he could take Baylee with him, find some peace in hanging in the hotel room watching movies with the four-year old because Baylee was the type to enjoy simple things like that. Baylee was devoid of friends that were arrogant and smoked and kept digging at Justin even without speaking.
"I'm thinking something resembling majority rules is in order here," Nick remarked, pulling a pack of cigarettes from his back pocket. He tapped on the pack and gave Justin that overconfident grin that kept him one step above Justin. "But then again, you could abstain Justin. I mean, I didn't drag myself down here to hang with my best friend and not the see the person, the guy, he's seeing now that he feels his marriage is over and whatnot. It's just, I'm being opportunistic in trying to get to know what's making my friend tick the way he is."
Words were never so forced against his eardrum and while he wanted to lurch forward and slam his fist into Nick's cheek, he restrained. He abstained and counted backwards from ten with his eyes open and his mouth pulled tightly into a non-verbal response to Nick's declaration. He could feel the eyes of D and Lorenzo on him because Justin was never one to let anyone speak to him with that kind of audacity and his mind was reminding him that he wasn't lashing out because of Baylee, not Brian. He refused to show that adoring kid that kind of immaturity.
"Nickolas Gene..."
"Don't," Nick warned Brian, holding the pack of cigarettes up toward Brian.
He could already hear the words that were beating against Brian's lips but he was refusing to let them exist in a literal sense.
"You driving?" Justin finally asked, words barely slipping through his tightly pressed lips as he glared at Nick. He avoided the sting of both Nick and Brian's eyes on him. He merely bent down and scooped up Baylee, threading fingers through Baylee's soft hair and letting the faint view of Baylee smiling at him unravel his obvious tension toward every moment of the situation.
"Does that mean you're in?" Nick retorted back with a snort.
"Justin," Brian whispered, a hand resting on Justin's hip just near one of Baylee's feet. He was trying to shuffle his fingers under the hem of the shirt Justin wore but then Justin was pulling away just slightly, turning toward his security and Brian half-expected it but didn't want to accept it.
"We have an early flight tomorrow so we better get going," Justin insisted.
He felt Baylee's forehead pressing against his temple and the heat propelled a flutter in his heart. His temper was settling and he was taking comfort in the fact that he could ignore Nick's presence as long as he was holding onto Baylee. "I just need to get cleaned up real quick and then we can head out."
Nick laughed and moved past Brian toward the door. He could feel intangible heat coming from Brian, some wicked kind of anger that he knew Brian would let go of soon. Brian never stayed mad at Nick, no matter how drunk Nick was or how foolish some of his questions were. Nick was being supportive, on some level, he was being what he knew Brian needed the rest of his bandmates to be. Not that they knew, but Nick was the cushion to the catalyst.
"And Carter," Justin hissed, his voice clear enough to stop Nick and cause him to turn. "This place better be private because the last thing I need right now is a reputation for hanging out with the lower end of the Backstreet pool."
Brian did his best to hide his laughter and he glanced to Nick with a grin.
He could read Nick's furrowed brow, his distended expression. Part of him naturally wanted to comfort Nick, but he knew better. Nick deserved the sting of someone else's words and Nick was that sixteen year old, little brother he had when they were younger.
"No offense B," Justin added, finding resolve in that same cocky grin Nick had propelled toward him earlier.
"None taken," Brian replied quickly, snorting as he glanced at Justin.
"Who the fuck is B," Nick grumbled before yanking open the door of the dressing room. He was quick to escape, trying to remain unfazed by Justin's words while still trying to remain himself in some form.
Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I'm strange?
Unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending
There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn't really exist
Justin gave Nick credit for something: His choice is dining was private. It wasn't the kind of restaurant Justin had grown accustom to dining at on or off the road, but it was good enough for him to find something to order on the menu and find comfort in the dim, bar-like lights and dry smell. The tables weren't dirty and while it was late, Nick knew the manager so Baylee was permitted to stay with them while D and Lorenzo occupied a table in the corner a few feet away.
"Probably should've ordered the shrimp Justin. It's pretty good," Nick remarked, taking a gulp of his beer. He fished through his pockets and found his pack of cigarettes again.
Justin rolled his shoulders, fingers lightly massaging one through the brown shirt he wore. He took in a deep breath, quickly before Nick had a chance to light up a cigarette. He cleared his throat and found it easier not to reply to Nick's words rather than getting into a verbal joust that neither would win.
"I got fries," Baylee boasted, small hands tapping on the round table.
"And a killer burger little dude," Nick grinned, turning his head to exhale a heavy breath of smoke.
"Vocal chords dying slowly," Brian sung out, giggling as Nick gave him the finger.
"What's dying?" Baylee asked, glancing around with wide eyes.
"Nothing Baylee," Justin said with a small smile, patting the top of Baylee's head. "Uncle Nick's brain cells were DOA."
"Funny fucker," Nick grunted before taking another inhale.
"Language," Brian hissed, pinching Nick's thigh. He laughed when Nick jumped and almost burned himself with the ashes of his cigarette.
Justin shook his head at Nick, sipping on his water. He took a quick fleeting look at Brian, cocking his head to the side when Brian smiled at him in that innocent way that made Justin want to switch seats with Baylee so that he was sitting next to Brian, holding his hand under the table with no obligations to explain. He drummed a thumb on the table instead, shooting Brian a cocky grin that reminded Brian what he was getting. He wasn't falling into that game of sweetness because Brian had yet to explain why Nick had to accompany him on the one visit Justin might get from Brian for a few days, maybe weeks.
"So your wife called me the other day," Nick remarked, flicking ashes into an ashtray at the edge of the table. He swirled the beer inside of his glass while glancing at Justin, proposing a smirk for Justin's wide eyes. "Didn't talk much though. Says she's trying to work things out or at least find a middle ground on what's going to happen."
Brian scratched the back of his head and didn't hide his irritation well. He closed his eyes for a moment, thoughts of looking at Baylee to make sure his son was too lost in the atmosphere to pay attention to the words falling from Nick's lips.
"She knows the story here Nick. It's not happening, she hasn't put up much effort into being with our son, and it's over," Brian rebuffed, his throat constricted and almost strangling the words as they came out. He swallowed a gulp of his coke, trying to wash away that discomfort that was burning in his esophagus. He spotted Baylee looking up at him curiously and he faked a smile for his son, tapping the end of his son's nose until Baylee pulled back with laughter and tried to swat him away.
Justin leaned an elbow on the table and propped his chin on his knuckles, watching Brian and Baylee. He fought with a grin. He paid little attention to the waitress as she dropped the food off at the table, too focused on wanting to be apart of that jovial world that Brian and Baylee were existing in. He admitted to himself that Nick discussing Leigh Anne troubled him. He was sure, silently, he concurred those thoughts to Nick and Brian with his expressions. He tried not to ask Brian too much about Leigh Anne, though Brian volunteered information some times because Brian needed that person to vent to. Justin was still a friend, albeit a friend that shared a bed and kissed Brian at any given opportunity.
"And does she know about our little friend Justin here?"
"What?" Justin asked first, his voice losing most of that easiness he was trying to feign for Baylee. He thought, partly, it was because he too wondered sometimes what Brian told Leigh Anne about him. Or if he even mentioned Justin at all. But it wasn't something he felt necessary to bring up, especially not in the manner Nick was.
"I mean," Nick began, eyes drifting between Brian and Justin, "when we spoke so seemed curious about whether or not Brian had moved on. She thinks so but I didn't want to be the one to drop this kind of bombshell on her if she wasn't fully aware."
"She cheated Nick. She's seeing the man she cheated on me with. In no way do I owe her any obligation of explaining to her that I am seeing a man or whom that man is," Brian replied briskly, trying to prevent any words from flying from Justin's mouth. He took a small sip of his coke and eyed Justin, saw the fizzling frustration holding him in his seat but begging for an exit.
"Understood," Nick responded, shoveling a piece of steak into his mouth. He turned his eyes on Justin, grinning helplessly before looking at Baylee toying with his fries. "Hey Baylee, what do you think of Justin?"
Justin almost tipped over his glass of water when he heard Nick. He was quickly to grab the rim between his fingers, eyes not even watching his hand. He was too focused on Brian this time. Had his friends tortured Brian to this level? He was sure Lance carried that kind of blunt nature around but that was because Lance had been through enough in a few years to hold that kind of resentment. Trace could be forthright, almost always was, but not in the sense that he'd mock a dying deer. They were all a little more welcoming toward Brian's presence, his lightness, his humor, his buoyant smile.
Brian was hesitant to look up at Justin. He let a finger trace over the edge of his plate, thoughts debating toward forking through the vegetables on it or peeking at his son. He was sure Baylee was still lost, just as comfortable staring at the lights in the room or trying to sing along to songs he never knew that were playing on a jukebox in the corner of the room. He scratched his temple. He ran his hand over the back of his hair and if the air wasn't so thin around him, he would've avoided looking at Justin. But he did it anyway.
"Justin's my friend," Baylee boasted, shoving another fry into his mouth while looking at Nick curiously. "We watch movies and he calls Daddy to talk to me. He let me sing him this song I learned from my grandpa and this one time, he sent Daddy this picture so I could laugh at it."
Justin let his gaze shift off of Brian, his pleas dampening as he looked at Baylee. His pleasantness, his unaffected joy reminded Justin again why he was tolerating Nick. He boy dipped a fry into some ketchup, swirled it around before holding it up for Justin. Justin gladly leaned down and took a quick bite off of the top, grinning at Baylee. When did this kind of instinct wash over him?
"And he makes Daddy happy like mommy used to," Baylee added, eyes curiously looking back at Nick. "I want Daddy happy."
Baylee shrugged in that child-like manner that made Brian laugh on the inside and he watched Baylee down another fry before trying to pick up his burger. He reached over and threaded his fingers through Baylee's blonde locks, smiles remaining externally while the inside of him was weeping in a joyful way.
"My nephew seems rather satisfied," Nick remarked, swallowing the last of his beer.
"Are you?" Justin inquired, his voice still holding that edge of tenseness.
Nick laughed, shaking his head at Justin. "I here you're the one satisfied here Timberlake. Don't get me wrong, I'm all for gettin' yours, but it's weird knowing you're getting some from my best friend."
Justin didn't bother to look at Brian this time. He pushed his stool away from the table and cleared his throat, forgoing a sip of water because that'd be doing more than he wanted to at the time. His anger was rising to heights he didn't want to experience and his sleepiness was dragging against his skin. He caught Lorenzo and D standing but he held up a hand, a warning that he was fine. He scratched the edge of his nose and tried not to watch as Brian stood too, tried not to view that rapid look of concern molding over Brian's face. He shook his head, another warning that spoke in larger volumes than any of his others.
"Excuse me," Justin muttered, stepping away from the table. His nostrils flared when he spotted the way Nick smirked, fingers tracing over the moisture of his fresh beer glass. Justin merely took a few steps backward, aware of where the exit was and needing a quicker way of getting there.
"Justin," Baylee called out, hopping off his own stool and stumbling toward Justin with his own innocent care melting against his face. He grabbed one of Justin's hands, holding the index and middle finger with a tight grip while looking up at Justin. "Can I go with you?"
Justin was incredibly discouraged. He was wrestling with the thoughts of Brian not only sharing the aspects of his relationship or lack thereof with Brian to Nick, but also revealing small, if any, details of their sex life. He scratched the back of his head with his free hand and he forced himself to look down at Baylee. Justin had protected himself so well from things like this. He was a warm, welcoming person but he didn't let much in or out. He stole away to that privacy because it was all he had.
"Sure," Justin replied, his voice choked up but the word was still audible.
He gripped Baylee's hand and fell into that cherry-red smile as Baylee's eyes brightened. He strained a smile back and escorted Brian's son toward the door without waiting on consent or protest.
The past, the present, and the future
Are all side by side
Hand in hand
You move and change yet you go nowhere
Everything stays the same
You stare at me and ask me questions
Makes me nervous
This room, it keeps a constant tone
While I'm on a roller coaster
It wasn't cold outside. Not to him. There was an air, a little chill that swirled ever now and again, but nothing he couldn't bare. He wasn't sure how Baylee did it. The child was too young to understand what this cold was like, especially spending most of his life in Georgia. Justin knew better than to keep Baylee outside, but he knew Baylee would refuse to return without Justin. It was endearing but not without concern for him.
"Are you sad?" Baylee questioned, kicking small rocks that were scattered near the sidewalk they stood on.
Justin quirked his eyebrow, leaning against a brick wall uneasily. He took in a deep breath and glanced to the night's sky. It would've been easier to take Baylee back inside rather than explain the more complicated aspects of life.
"Why do you say that?"
"I think Daddy's sad. He's happy with me and you... but he looks sad," Baylee remarked, looking up at Justin. "You're sad."
Justin laughed mentally, tucking his chin to look at Baylee. There was truth to the fact that children were intuitive. He was used to that from Baylee. Baylee was alert and aware even when his father didn't know, but Justin always caught it. He tried to avoid it, avoid telling things that would scar Baylee because too much information did that. His mother told him he was perceptive like that when he was young and Justin didn't want Baylee to be him. That would hurt too much.
"So you think because I'm sad, Daddy's sad?" Justin pondered. He crouched down in front of Baylee and watched the way Baylee slowly side-stepped toward him. He chuckled and rubbed Baylee's shoulder, aware of Baylee's shyness.
"I don't want Daddy to be sad," Baylee replied, voice soft and wistful.
"I don't either buddy," Justin noted, smiling in hopes it edged away Baylee's pensive nature. He was welcomed with a smile from Baylee and he took it for every bit of what it was worth. "I don't like him sad."
"Can you make him smile.. like you did last time?" Baylee requested, teetering under Justin's large hand.
Justin snorted, withdrawing his hand. He wondered if Baylee was aware he was the one that comforted his father when Brian first decided to leave Baylee's mother? Was he watching the way Brian interacting with Justin? He rested his elbows on his knees and glanced at the broken sidewalk. He sighed unintentionally before responding, "I'll try."
"Hey cricket, Daddy wants you inside," Nick announced, drawing up Justin's eyes immediately. Nick let a cigarette dangle between his lips, flicking the flame of his lighter in his right hand. "Mind if I talk to your friend Justin for a minute?"
Baylee turned to Nick with that same timidity, pouting. He huffed lowly and marched toward the entrance of the restaurant. He took a glance over his shoulder at Justin, watching the way Justin stared at him with a simple smile that comforted Baylee. He turned back to Nick and heaved out, "you better not make him sad!"
Justin chuckled as he stood, eyes watching Nick as he lit his cigarette and released a long drag of smoke. He squinted his eyes at Justin and it pleased Justin even more. He folded his arms against his chest and let Nick approach, a hint of his cockiness stripped away. Justin turned his nose up at the smell of smoke and rolled his eyes when Nick took another inhale.
"The kid's rather soft on you," Nick observed, puffing out the smoke in Justin's direction. "That's not like him."
"And you're being an ass," Justin replied, stifling his laughter as Nick pointed his cigarette at him in a non-threatening way. He shook his head before adding, "guess that's like you."
Nick laughed lowly, waving his cigarette in circles. He tapped away the ashes and took another draw. "All jokes, huh Timberlake?"
Justin shrugged arrogantly, crossing his legs at his ankles. He tilted his head back against the wall. Thoughts of following Baylee back inside would not stop trampling through his mind. He took quick, short breaths to avoid the scent of nicotine and eyed the few, almost unrecognizable stars in the sky.
"Well this is no joke Timberlake. That's family to me in there. Brian's been my best friend for awhile and I have no time for you fucking around with his head, his heart, his dick, or whatever else it is you want to get involved with," Nick hissed, flicking a few more ashes from the cigarette. He peered at Justin until Justin lowered his head and eyed him back.
"You think..."
"I think Brian is a Backstreet Boy first," Nick interrupted. He choked in another inhale from his cigarette. "I mean this guy is on top. He's got a Christian album out Justin. Do you know what something like chasing after you could do to his career? The fans are forgiving of good ol' Kevin leaving us but their pride and joy Brian?"
"Don't you..." Justin tried to start.
"I'm not finished," Nick warned after exhaling another cloud of smoke. He sniffed and snorted before adding, "choose whatever it is the fuck you want.
That guy is confused as hell right now and on top of a failing marriage, he's got a kid that's soft on someone that isn't even his boyfriend. Hell, I doubt Brian even knows what it is to have a boyfriend or the shit load of problems that are going to come along with dating a man, let alone Justin fuckin' Timberlake."
Justin watched Nick take another quick inhale from his cigarette. His jaw was clenched and he was trying to regulate his breathing to lighter exhales and deeper inhales. He chewed on his bottom lip and thought of happier moments. He wished he could call his mother, listen to her ramble about something. He wanted some of his grandmother's peach cobbler. He wanted to lay his head down against a plush pillow, sink underneath silk sheets, and listen to Brian breathing quietly in his ear.
"What if I want your friend? What if I want him to be my boyfriend? What if Justin fuckin' Timberlake thinks he could be the best thing that has happened to your best friend because he knows.. I know I have enough to make him happy and be what he's missing," Justin boasted, leaning off the wall and taking steps until he was close enough to breathe in the smoke Nick exhaled out through his nose. "What do you do then Nick?"
Nick chuckled, backing away from Justin before taking a final drag from his cigarette. He could see Justin's fists were clenched and he wondered if maybe Justin actually considered hitting him? It'd win more battles than wars in his mind but maybe Justin was serious?
"Don't really know what you're getting into, do you Justin?" Nick pondered.
"Ask me if I give a fuck what you think I'm getting into," Justin retorted, freely expressing his anger.
Nick shook his head, flicking the bud of his cigarette into the street. He rolled his shoulders and stretched, coughing out a laugh as his muscles relaxed. He scrubbed his fingers through his blonde hair before returning his attention to Justin.
"Just want him happy Timberlake," Nick noted, unaffected by the glare from Justin or the bitterness frolicking through his deep blue eyes.
Justin didn't get a chance to reply. He didn't know if his response would be verbal or physical but he know he was quick to corral his thoughts the second he heard Brian's voice.
"Uh, guys, do you want dessert or anything because I was about to ask for the check," Brian remarked from near the doorway of the restaurant.
Justin could only leer at Brian, words still unable to rise from his body. He was shocked when he felt an arm wrap around his shoulders and he wanted to shove Nick away when the older man gave him a light squeeze while smiling at Brian. Justin relinquished a pout, lidded eyes glancing at Nick before falling on Brian again.
"Don't worry about it. I'm more than certain that ol' Justin here wouldn't mind picking up the check," Nick finally replied, his grin superceding his words.
Brian looked at Justin curiously, hands sifting into his pockets. He leaned back on his heels and waited for that pout to resign from Justin's lips. He wanted to trust his friend's words but something about Justin's demeanor, Nick's closeness, the air of the moment didn't feel the way it should. He let the thoughts drain for a moment when he saw Justin's lips twitch.
"Yeah, sure, I got it," Justin grumbled, easing from under Nick's arm and walking hastily towards the door. He let his shoulder brush past Brian's and thought to stop. He could hear Baylee echoing through his head, pleading with him. He glanced at Brian, warm eyes that once called on Justin were settled into confusion and some form of desperation. Justin didn't want to read too much into them. If he did, he'd grabbed Brian's hand right there, in public, and lead him away from everything.
Brian turned to Nick immediately. He waited only a few minutes, waited for Justin to get far enough into the restaurant before strolling toward Nick with a solemn grin. He observed Nick light up another cigarette, stopping near Nick as Nick puffed out a cloud of smoke. He let Nick's blue eyes fall on him and a grand smile dance over Nick's lips.
"So I was thinking I could crash at the hotel with you guys tonight. My flight leaves in the afternoon so I could probably take in a few sights of the city after you leave," Nick noted before pulling another draw from his cigarette.
Brian remained silent. He shuffled his feet on the ground and stared at Nick.
Nick glanced at him curiously, turning his head to exhale through his nose.
He knew Brian wasn't a fan of his habit. Brian never was a fan even when AJ did it. But Brian wasn't rude about it. Not like Howie was or how Kevin gave lectures. Brian would make one fell swoop of a comment and leave it alone. Except for the occasional stare. But Nick didn't think that was the message Brian was trying to relay with this stare.
"Why does he call you B? I never called you B," Nick stated, letting his cigarette dangle from his lips as he took in a slow inhale.
"Don't do this to yourself," Brian finally said, his voice airy.
"Dude, we all have to die sometime," Nick boasted with a laugh, exhaling smoke with a cough. "I figure lung cancer might be a pretty awesome way to go in the future."
Brian shook his head because he knew Nick didn't know any better. It was Nick. It was just the way he operated, the way he made it day-to-day. He'd make a joke during sex if it helped him stay unaware to the obvious. But Brian knew he was being a little less obvious with his words and a little more intentional with his looks.
"Don't do it Nick. He's a great guy, a kind man. He's sweet, he cares about me, he makes me laugh," Brian insisted, trying to remain lighthearted.
"And he bakes you cookies when you're sad. He gets you soup when you're sick. How many of these have we been through between the five of us?" Nick questioned, tapping ashes away.
"Stop," Brian hissed. He'd lost that warm calmness he usually kept with Nick. That friendliness was fading and the need to make jokes with Nick was nonexistent. He took in a deep breath as Nick glared at him, puffing out smaller clouds of smoke. "You won't try to categorize him as some quick fix or a rebound because my marriage didn't work out. You're not going to convince me to go back to her like you convinced Kevin to run back to Kristen after he cheated on her. He was there for me."
"And I would've been on the first flight to Atlanta to deck that ass that fucked your wife had you bothered to call me," Nick argued, flipping his cigarette away.
"But I didn't. I happened upon him and I'm thankful that I did," Brian said, crossing his arms while Nick tipped back and forth on his heels.
"Thankful because? Honestly, from what I see, he's here for the moment. You both are trying something new that I doubt you're going to commit to," Nick gushed, arms waving around to emphasize his point.
Brian shook his head and snorted. He unfolded his arms and tipped his head back. He took in a small breath before replying, confidently, "I'm committed."
Nick sighed dramatically, fisting his hands into the pocket of his jeans. he tapped his foot heavily against the sidewalk and tilted his head to look at Brian, hoped that view would distort what he felt coming from Brian. It didn't.
"He's a kid. He's younger than you by six years," Nick argued lowly.
"And Leigh Anne was older. If you're going to talk me down off the ledge, at least be inventive or diplomatic about it," Brian asserted, a small smirk tugging at the corner of his mouth.
Nick shook his head again, eyes squinting when he bothered to look at Brian once more. He opted against sputtering out random thoughts because Brian would win that argument. He always did, even when Brian was drunk and Nick was completely sober, more than able to outtalk Brian. But he didn't manage to.
"He's meant the world to me Nick. He just," Brian exhaled and closed his eyes, "keeps me from falling apart during all of this."
"You're falling for him."
Nick let the words dribble out slowly and without apprehension because denying his thoughts would only cause him to backtrack and lose more ground with his friend. He let his jaw hang open as he stared at Brian, viewing the way Brian avoided eye contact and shuffled his feet even more against the sidewalk. His shyness was a mirror of Baylee's and Nick would know it even if he was blind. There were certain aspects of Brian that were meant to be enigmatic but little details Nick always caught on to. He couldn't pinpoint their origin but he knew things about Brian that he was glad he did, at times.
"Nick, it's just..."
"Brian Thomas Littrell, you are falling for Justin fuckin' Timberlake," Nick claimed, edging closer to his friend. He spotted Brian lifting an eyebrow and it did not deter him. He licked his lips and let the resentment exhale with his breath. "You coy little bastard, you made me think that this was so brand new but you're actually falling in love with this shithead."
"He's not a shithead," Brian rebuffed quickly, a warning in his tone. He backed away from Nick while placing a hand on the back of his neck. He massaged the skin there, trying to calm himself. "You're not staying at the hotel with us. I love you, but I'm a little over you giving him a hard time and ruining what little time I have with him."
Nick nodded. He spotted Baylee, Justin, D, and Lorenzo exiting the restaurant and he knew that warranted a refrain from further arguing with Brian. He was supposed to understand, on some higher level. He was supposed to respect his friends choices, let Brian fall so that he could pick him up when Brian hit cement. That was his job, or more so Brian's job through the years. He owed Brian that much.
"That's one battle for him," Nick whispered, easing away from Brian. He pulled another cigarette from his pack and squinted at Justin as he inched cautiously toward them. "He's still got a war in front of him."
Brian felt Justin's heat next to him and could hear his son carrying a lively discussion with D. He succumb to those feelings, those aspirations toward enjoying what time he did have. He refused to let Nick's words dissuade him though they did tug at the corner of his brain in that way that only Nick or Kevin's words did.
"Daddy, Justin bought me cheesecake!"
Brian turned his head toward Baylee with keen interest, avoiding the way Nick glared at him with a snarl on his lips. He smiled toward Baylee as his son bopped around near him, swinging a paper bag in one hand and a Styrofoam cup in the other. Brian snickered at his son's excitement, glancing at Justin to mouth a "thank you" to him. He grinned a little harder when Justin smiled back. It was all he wanted.
Unlike me, unlike me
Do you think I'm strange?
Unlike you, unlike you
I am not pretending
There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn't really exist
Justin scrubbed a plush white towel against his buzzed hair, eyes closed as he took in a deep breath of the fading steam from his shower. His muscles were relaxed and everything that he held inside was slowly seeping from his pores. His anger, his resentment, his jealous, his fear. It was no longer holding that unbearable weight it once was against his heart. He rolled his shoulders before sliding into his boxers. He dropped the towel onto the sink and pulled his T-shirt over his head, exhaling quietly. He was glad Brian had let Nick leave, didn't bother for some drawn-out goodbye or long discussion about when they would see each other again. Brian didn't even bother answering the two calls Nick made to him. He simply replied with a text message and gave his attention to his son, occasionally smiling at Justin.
Justin couldn't deny feeling refreshed when he opened the door of the bathroom. He massaged the back of his neck while walking lightly into through the hotel room, his head peeking into the bedroom before silently pushing open the door and leaning in the doorway. He looked upon Brian, arms folded behind his head, staring up at the ceiling while lying on the bed. He was on top of the covers, body only clad in a pair of boxers with his legs crossed at the ankles.
Baylee sat up in the bed, legs tucked under the sheets as he fiddled with his father's cell phone. Justin laughed under his breath, grinning when Baylee caught a glimpse of him. He lifted a finger in a silencing motion, hoping Baylee understood once Justin pressed the finger to his lips. Baylee giggled softly but helplessly, lowering the phone to glare at Justin.
"Feel better?" Brian inquired, still looking up.
Justin eased into the room, his feet moving hastily until he sat on the edge of the bed closest to Brian. He let a hand drop onto Brian's stomach, fingers enticed by the soft skin. He exhaled happily when he felt one of Brian's hands rubbing across his back, the cool skin daring to slip under Justin's shirt to touch.
"Isn't a certain someone supposed to be sleeping," Justin wondered, half-turning to look upon Baylee. He grinned when Baylee eased further down the bed and scooted under the sheets until he could lay his head near his father's chest. "I mean it is very much past his bedtime."
"Yours too," Baylee yawned out, sheepish eyes lazily staring up at Justin. He tried to pout but his exhaustion was getting the best of him and he released another yawn instead.
Justin stuck his tongue out at Baylee, snickering under his breath. He shivered at the feel of Brian's fingers playing a piano-like rhythm down his spine, fingers rolling over every bone without a metered breath. He exhaled lightly, stretching under those smooth fingers.
"He refused to go to sleep without you being here and I didn't feel like arguing," Brian noted, peeling his hand from Justin's back. "He's become rather attached to you."
Justin looked down upon Baylee, watched the way Brian's son slept peacefully never aware of his father's conversation with Justin. He reached over Brian and brushed back Baylee's bangs with a careful hand. He twirled a few locks of blonde hair with his fingers before pulling away, smiling pleasantly. Part of him wanted to crawl between Brian and Baylee, wedge a space between them so that Baylee could curl up to him during the night and find peace with his head against Justin's ribcage.
"I'm rather attached to him," Justin whispered, looking down at Brian. He found serenity in a small smile from Brian but it quickly faded when the buzz of a cell phone against the nearby nightstand interrupted them. Justin glanced and wanted to sigh when he realized it was Brian's. He had forgotten he had abandoned his phone in the living area of the room and his SideKick was turned off, somewhere amongst his luggage.
Justin slowly pushed himself off of the bed as Brian reached for his phone.
He cleared his throat softly and thought to walk over to the otherside of the bed, escape some of his thoughts by not being as close to Brian as he wanted to be. He just needed sleep. The day and the night had been too long and his aspirations for the night had long died.
The silence in the room troubled Justin slightly but he felt body heat behind him and he didn't have time to turn before arms wrapped around his waist and a mouth was near his ear. He hesitated, resigned from snuggling into the touch. He didn't know how long it would last or what it would entail. He didn't know if the exhaustion was preventing him from wanting anything other than that pillow that was sitting next to Baylee's head.
"Walk please," Brian whispered into Justin's ear, "baby."
Justin was never encouraged by terms of endearment. They rarely won over the logic that ruled his thinking. He sometimes wished he led more by the heart rather than the head, but it was instinct. He followed instinct. Instinct caused his feet to shuffle and then walk, Brian still tightly embracing him and stumbling behind him but somehow leading the way. Brian's hands were holding onto Justin's hips and something tingled just beneath Justin's heart. He felt his body being directed and followed until he and Brian were inside of the bathroom. He let Brian maneuver past him before shutting the door, needing that small sense of privacy though he knew Baylee was far from waking.
Justin rested against the door, disconcerted by the way Brian grinned at him with a stylized innocence that Justin wanted to adore with the gratitude of someone seeking that kind of heartfelt attempt at making him smile. He tipped his head back until it thudded quietly against the door and stared. He didn't need to say words though he could think of some. He could probably talk for hours or just a few minutes to release some choice words that he had been holding back for hours now.
"Say it," Brian dared with his grand smirk. He sauntered toward Justin with a tinge of overconfidence, hands behind his back with his head tilted. He puckered his lips when his feet bumped into Justin's, leaning toward the younger man.
Justin maintained his silence.
"Say it," Brian requested again, his voice a little deeper but not without that same cockiness. He targeted his eyes on Justin's mouth, watching pleasantly as Justin sucked in his bottom lip to chew on. He lifted his eyes to stare into Justin's.
Silence.
Brian sighed, remaining close but desiring to pull away briefly. He cleared his throat and let Justin stay quiet. He wouldn't force Justin. He wouldn't pry too much because if it wasn't to be discussed, he understood. But Brian didn't want to lose that warm body to hold at night. He didn't want unanswered questions to run their course underneath their feet until it lifted them from that happier place they conquered without trying.
"He's your best friend," Justin sighed out. His stubbornness had won greater battles, but he didn't feel the need to hide things from Brian. That was the basis of their connection. They had that confidence, that indiscretion that Justin felt they had lost somewhere between the way Justin chose to tell his friends and the way Brian informed his best friend of their situation.
"Overstating the obvious. That's good," Brian noted, hands creeping under Justin's shirt. His thumbs traced over the muscles of Justin's stomach while his palms rested flat against the open space and skin. He let his thumbs trace over Justins belly button, caught in the reverie of Justins skin moving as he breathed. He traced the line of hair that ran down into Justin`s boxers before singing out, "we're making progress."
"Why me?" Justin questioned, his tone causing Brian's head to lift. He repeated the question with his eyes, too discouraged by Brian's curious glance to speak again.
Brian raised his brow, the question finally connecting with what he knew Justin meant to say. He nodded to acknowledge Justin's troubled expression.
His hands drifted, fingers creeping over flesh, dipping under the waistband of his boxers for seconds and then tracing backward.
"Nick's a good guy. He's good with my son, he's a good listener, he's good at defending me when I'm too unsure if I should defend myself. He`s my best friend," Brian explained, his voice falling under that current that left him vulnerable. He watched Justin watching him. He could tell Justin was thinking and it didn't discourage him. "But you're great with my son. You're better than Nick, even. You know when to listen and when to encourage. You protect me before I even think that I need it and you take the fall without even being asked to."
Dumbfounded. It was a good way to explain how Justin felt, if not a bit simplistic. He stood there, body willingly falling into those touches. He caught a small smile peeking at the corner of Brian's lips. It was adorable. He couldn't fight that.
"But he's your best friend," Justin commented, hoping to emphasize things he couldn't articulate. He stiffened slightly when Brian gave his hip a light squeeze.
"And he'll be that tomorrow and the day after. He'll be my best friend next year. That won't change," Brian insisted. He leaned in Justin's direction until he could press a soft kiss to Justin's cheek. He pulled back and wished he had stayed to feel the faint blush rise in Justin's cheeks, the heat vibrating against his lips. "But you're something I don't plan on letting go of just because of a best friend or any friend."
Brian's declaration again left Justin with little to say but a reason for his heart to beat a little louder in his ears. He didn't have to fake a smile because it was natural. He was shifting into a state of bliss and it was accompanied by Brian's smooth touches. He let Brian tug his boxers down a little, the waistband stretched just above his penis, the top of his ass exposed to the air of the bathroom. He was warmed by Brian's lips on his neck and naturally let his own hands travel down Brian's back, just touching with light pressure. He kept his ministrations tentative but existent.
"You're trying to make me smile," Justin said, eyes closing as Brian kissed his way up his chin before pressing an open-mouthed kiss to his lips. He attempted to kiss back but Brian was too stealth, pulling back before easing forward so that their noses brushed and Justin rose into the feel of Brian's hands cupping his ass.
"Actually, I'm making up for earlier," Brian insisted.
Justin couldn't help but be captivated by those gentle blue eyes. He took in a deep inhale, breathing Brian's breath with a peacefulness he wish he had found sooner. He let Brian pull away when he pulled up Justin's shirt. He instinctively raised his arms for Brian to slip the shirt off and immediately fell back against the door again, pleased when Brian joined him with a small press of his smaller body.
"It took me a moment, but I finally understood myself. Despite what friendship Nick and I maintain, I'm not big on anyone hurting or upsetting you," Brian stated, fingers tracing up and down Justin's chest. He glanced down and watched his hands against Justin's skin, his vision trickling over freckles on Justin's shoulders and muscles bending and stretching as Justin circled his arms around Brian.
"I felt the same way when you first stayed at my hotel," Justin remarked, his voice midnight soft. He let his head rest against the door and let his eyes fall shut, breathing in the scent of Brian. He shuddered when Brian's hands dipped downward, small fingernails racking over the muscles in his stomach before pushing his boxers down. Justin let them fall the rest of the way, minimal movement assisting them in their downward spiral because he was too comfortable in his position with Brian.
"I think I could tell," Brian whispered back, kissing Justin's collarbone. He didn't pretend to understand any of his feelings. He let them float and ripple as they pleased. He grinned against Justin's neck when Justin finally eased down his boxers.
"So then we're letting it go?"
Brian contemplated Justin's words. He was falling into a little world he knew as rapture but he knew ignoring what was painfully obvious in that little emotional world he and Justin co-existed in wouldn't benefit him later. He was lulled under Justin's touch, fingers combing through his blonde hair with a patience he knew only Justin to carry. He tilted his head back to look up at Justin. He spotted Justin chewing his bottom lip again. He smiled at Justin.
"We can talk about anything you want to," Brian replied. A hand tweaked a nipple while the other played wondrous patterns over Justin's back. It eased up until he felt the area he knew Justin's tattoo was. He wished he could remember the intricate design enough to trace it with his index finger but he couldn't. There were parts of Justin he planned to learn. He would know them with his eyes closed.
Justin sighed happily. There was a freeness about Brian that was intoxicating on Justin's worst days. He didn't have to think about Nick, though he knew he would when Nick called or wanted to visit again. It was the negative aspect of trying to pursue Brian Littrell. He knew he deserved it because there were too many frequent moments of happiness. It was illogical, unrealistic.
"I have this feeling," Justin whispered. He let his eyes remain entranced with Brian's.
"What kind of feeling?" Brian questioned, an eyebrow arching.
Justin snickered a little, a large hand running down Brian's body until it reached just below his navel. He pressed lightly there, his simple demonstration eliciting a small giggle from Brian. He smirked before whispering, "right here."
Brian nodded, not fully understanding but he could empathize. There were moments he had butterflies, moments he felt a rush of warmth, moments where he couldn't piece together words because his mind was too focused on feelings he had never been able to feel before. Moments when his breath hitched and he felt a coil in his spine, just as he did when Justin's hand skimmed a little lower and encircled Brian's erection.
"And you have a feeling," Justin whispered, bending his knees a little until he was eye-level with Brian. He gave Brian's erection a small tug, grinning hard when Brian moaned quietly under a long exhale. He toyed with the head before adding, "right there."
Brian bit back another moan, eyes finding it hard to focus as Justin teased him. He shook his hand at Justin as Justin merely held Brian's dick, hand refusing to move or even squeeze. It sheathed Brian and Brian was helpless but to snap his hips a few times, gaining friction as Justin laughed. He was pleased when he felt a hardness against his leg, peeking down to see Justin had formed his own erection.
"We should shower," Brian contended, his hand dropping down to cup Justin's balls. He licked a path along Justin's neck would Justin returned to an erect state against the door. The tip of his tongue drew a circle around the base of Justin's neck before his mouth reached up and bit at Justin's lower lip.
"I just bathed," Justin argued against Brian's lips. He tried not to snicker as Brian kissed at his lips, a tongue flicking against his teeth. He returned a few of the kisses, tilting his head for better leverage. He could feel Brian still grinding into his hand and dared to return the gesture when Brian finally grabbed a hold of his cock.
Brian stopped kissing Justin long enough to kiss a trail toward his ear. He licked the lobe before whispering, "We can get you dirty again."
Justin snorted, his free hand running from Brian's hip to his ass. He gave a firm squeeze to one cheek before letting a finger trail down the crack. He hummed pleasantly, legs edging apart as Brian's fingers dipped under his ballsac to the space in between. A little pressure and Justin was caught between a hiccup and an exhale.
He was supposed to be thinking about sleep, getting enough rest so that he wasn't a complete disaster at the airport in the morning. Those thoughts were being replaced by ones of taking control, pushing Brian against the door, nudging his legs apart and sliding into Brian. Sleep was swallowed by images of Brian spinning Justin around and toying with an area Justin had yet to let Brian explore. He thought of letting Brian having dominance. He was wedged in-between thoughts of Brian leaving dangerously burgundy hickey's across his neck and chest and finding a way to finger Brian to an orgasm while Brian played with himself. Those thoughts alone made him feel dirty again.
"You're strange," Brian giggled, kissing Justin's chest with an affection he rarely got to show. He glanced back up to Justin with a smirk, pleased when Justin batted open his eyes and looked down at him.
"You like it," Justin smiled out, giving Brian's cock a long stroke for emphasis.
Brian groaned in his chest, eyes falling shut for a second as he lingered in the touch. He felt his legs shaking and he could think of nothing more but discovering Justin's body, learning the patterns of muscles and tattoos inside of the shower. He slowed his breathing, licking the palm of his hand a few times before easing it back down and around Justin's erection.
"I do," Brian asserted, stroking Justin freely and he could tell that his motions were bringing Justin dangerously close to the edge. He liked that.
"And you like playing with my junk," Justin tried to joke, trying to find a way to fade away from that euphoric stage that would cause him to come between Brian's expert fingers.
"You're `junk'? Have we gone back in time or something," Brian pondered, his thumb swiping around the clear fluid secreeting from the head of Justin's cock. He used it as added lubrication, changing the angle at which he jerked Justin off.
"Something about a shower," Justin stuttered out, eyes trying to remain open as Brian tugged a little harder, fingers working a little faster. He breathed out hard and heavy, a hand daring to reach down and try and stop Brian. It received resistance from Brian and Justin didn't want to admit that he liked that.
"I wanna see you come another way," Brian teased, dancing with that adventurous side of himself. He rarely got to find the pleasure in controlling Justin. He snickered against Justin's chest as the breaths came quicker. He let his tongue circle one of Justin's erect nipples.
"You can watch me nut in the shower baby," Justin insisted, barely able to catch a breath to sputter the words out. He gave Brian a playful shove that unbalanced Brian and he was quick to catch him, hands holding small hips and pulling Brian to him. He was cautious about the way he held Brian, muscles straining a little as he tried to cradle him.
Brian smiled. He wasn't thinking about what could've been. He had lost a little of his focus on pleasing Justin. He found some kind of reverie in hearing Justin's final word. He wanted to repeat it. He felt it rocking on the inside of him, cushioning his heart in that way that he experienced with Justin and rarely any other.
"Baby," Brian sung with a delicate voice.
Justin shook his head with a laugh. He nodded at Brian because he didn't need to say it again. He merely became the director, turning Brian in his arms until his erection was pressed to the cleft of Brian's ass and his hands were interlocked around Brian's belly. He swiveled his hips a little, felt Brian shake in his arms and he smiled a little harder. He nudged his hips forward and felt Brian take a clumsy step forward.
"Walk please," Justin whispered, kissing at Brian's cheek before adding, "baby."
Brian smirked before happily obliging. He let Justin guide them toward the shower and did not hesitate when stepping inside. He turned on the water, let the steam form and lost himself when Justin turned him again, catching his mouth with a kiss that settled him back into that groove of pleasing Justin.
Justin liked the shake it gave his bones. He knew the kisses were what made him perspire. The hands roaming over the smaller body is what made him love the screams, the strangled chants. This time it was led by frantic movement, lingering kisses, hands that wouldn't stop, and hips that pressed and receded into ecstasy. He was scratching another fix inside of himself. This one was guided by Brian and it was the best kind.
There is no time
There is no time
There is no time
Time doesn't really exist
-- "Unlike Me" by Kate Havnevik
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