This is a fictional story that may involve sexual acts between two or more males. If this offends you, why are you here? If you are under the legal age to read sexually explicit material then do not read any further. This story in no way represents any person living or dead. Any resemblance to any real person is purely coincidental.

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Note: The events in this chapter of Brent's Struggle are taking place at the same time as the events in the currently posted chapter of Devyn's Struggle and one that will post soon. It is a bit odd jumping between the two stories so please send me your thoughts. You can send them to keith.96@att.net or devyn.96@protonmail.com.

I do not believe that you have to read Devyn's Struggle to follow the storyline but it might help. You can find the story here:

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/devyns-struggle/

Brent's Struggle Chapter 44

"Thanks for coming to work with me today," Matt said. Matt and Brent had just arrived at work after lunch. "I've got a meeting that will take most of the afternoon and I would not have time to go home, get you, and then get back in time for your appointment with Dr. Drake.

"It's no big deal," Brent said. "I can do homework here as easily as at home." Brent had been trying to get caught up on his schoolwork. There was so much of it from his time off for his injury. Plus, he had let things slide prior to being in the hospital. He knew his grades were in the toilet but he was putting in an effort to bring them back up. He and Matt had met with Brent's teachers and they had been understanding. They were giving him time to get caught up and turn in his incomplete assignments. "I could have just skipped this appointment."

"We talked about this, Brent." Matt could understand why the teenager did not want these twice weekly appointments with Dr. Drake but after what had happened, Matt was not backing down on Brent keeping every appointment with Dr. Drake.

"I know you think it's important but..."

"It is important. Especially now with the legal stuff going on. You do want us to adopt you, don't you?"

"You know I do." Brent's voice was emphatic. He wanted Matt and Bryan to be his new parents. He wanted nothing to do with Richard or Linda.

"Then keeping these appointments is a must." Matt placed a comforting hand on Brent's shoulder. He felt the teenager tense up but he did not remove his hand. "It won't be forever. Once the legal stuff is behind us, then I'm sure Dr. Drake will move you to once a month. Or at least every other week."

"We just don't have much to talk about."

"That might change after this weekend." Matt was sure after seeing Devyn this weekend, that Brent would need these appointments with his therapist.

"Maybe," Brent admitted.

"Now, I'm going to have to go to my meeting but Albert will be here if you need anything." Matt removed his hand from Brent's shoulder.

"Thanks, Matt. I'm sorry if I sounded upset about the appointments...I just...well...they are getting..."

"I know," Matt said. "I think going twice a week is too much too."

"You do?"

"Yeah Brent, I would not want to talk to someone about all my feelings when I was your age. We just need Dr. Drake's report showing you are improving with me and Bryan as your dads."

"I am. You and Bryan are the best." Brent took a step towards Matt and hesitated for a moment. Then the teenager reached out putting his arms around Matt. He pushed the voice of Wilson out of his head. It was easier when it was Matt he was hugging or who was hugging him.

Matt returned Brent's hug. "Thanks, Brent. Now I've got to get to the conference room."

"Sure, Matt." Brent released the man. It always felt so safe when Matt was holding him.

"Sorry to interrupt," Albert said from the doorway. "They are waiting on you, Matt."

"Thanks, Albert." Matt turned to leave.

"Matt," Brent said, causing the man to pause in the doorway. "I, um, love you."

Matt forced down a lump that was starting to form in his throat. "I love you too kiddo."

# #

"How's it going?" Albert stepped into Matt's office.

"I've finally finished my make-up homework for my math class. I'm hoping I'll do alright on the exam we have next week."

"I'm sure you will." Albert moved closer. He was carrying a coffee mug with him. "I thought you might need a pickup so I made you some hot chocolate."

"Thanks, Albert. You are the best." Brent took the offered mug from Albert and took a sip of the hot beverage.

"Matt sent a message that the meeting is running long. I offered to take you to your appointment, which is if he is still hung up in there and if you don't mind."

"That's fine. I keep telling him we could skip one but..."

"But he's stubborn and won't back down."

"Right." Brent took another drink of the hot beverage. Brent heard Albert's phone buzz. He watched as the man pulled it from his pocket and looked at the message.

"Looks like someone is getting off early tonight," Albert said. He was typing back a reply.

"Um, your boyfriend?" Brent did not know much about Albert but he knew the man was gay but wasn't sure if he had a boyfriend or not.

"Um, a guy I've started seeing recently. Actually, thanks to you."

"To me?" Brent was confused by that statement.

"Yeah, we met in the hospital." Albert paused before continuing. "He, um, was one of your nurses. He worked the night shift."

Brent wondered if it was his imagination or did Albert put extra emphasis on "night." "Um, he seemed really nice."

"Yeah, I think he is. We just kind of clicked when we started talking and well..."

"That's great, Albert."

"I'm glad you are alright with it." Albert had been a little worried that Brent might object. "He's just such a nice man and well damn hot."

Brent giggled at that statement. "I, um, didn't notice."

"You didn't notice!" Albert's eyes grew big. "How could you not notice? He filled out those scrub pants so well. Didn't you just want to pull them kind of down and see what he was wearing under there?"

"Ur, I, um didn't..."

"You can be honest with me Brent. It would be hard to not check him out. I mean with his attractive face, those strong arms, and that hard chest."

"Um, well..." Brent could feel his neck starting to grow warm. He had to admit now that he thought about it, that man had been attractive.

"I don't know yet, but I think he was freeballing under there." Albert joked.

"Ur, I, um..."

"If you had just managed to accidentally tug those scrub pants down, you could have let me know if his ass is hairy or smooth."

Brent could feel the heat creeping up from his neck to his ears. "I, um, not really. I didn't notice his butt."

"Oh, were you checking out the front? I think he filled that out nicely too."

"No," Brent laughed. "I was looking at his..."

"That hard chest? Maybe his muscular arms?"

"His face, Albert, his face."

"Oh well, that is incredibly attractive too. Those piercing eyes, that strong chin. Those high cheekbones."

"What are you doing!" The voice was loud in Brent's head. "This conversation is perverted. He is perverted. Get away from him." Brent could hear Wilson's voice as though the woman was standing right there. He could almost feel her breath on his neck.

"I'm looking forward to getting to know him better and to getting a better look at what's under those scrubs." Albert had not noticed the color draining from Brent's face.

"What kind of depravity is this!" Wilson's voice seemed to rage inside Brent's head. "Men like him only want to molest you. They only want to twist and pervert you for their own pleasure. Leave. Get away from him. Run away!"

Brent thought he had been overcoming this voice in his head. He had not heard Wilson ranting at him when Matt or Bryan touched him. He had thought, that just maybe, that he had been getting better. As Wilson's voice raged inside his head, Brent's hand started to shake.

"I'll let you know how..." Albert's voice trailed off as he now saw the stricken look on Brent's face. "Brent, are you alright?"

"Ur, I um..." Brent sat down the cup of hot chocolate before he spilled it.

"You are pale. Are you getting sick?" Albert's voice was filled with concern for the teenager.

"No, I'm just...ur..." Brent did not know how to explain it. It had felt fun talking to Albert about how hot the man's new boyfriend was. That was until Wilson's voice started yelling at him. How did he get that bitch permanently removed from his head? What did he have to do, to no longer hear her voice?

"I'm sorry Brent, I didn't mean to say something that offended you." Albert had not meant to upset Brent. He often talked to friends about how hot they found someone. It had felt natural to talk to Brent in the same manner as he did with friends.

"No, you didn't. I mean offend me. I just, um..." Brent got up and moved to the window. He did not know how to explain. How did he tell anyone that he heard Wilson's voice in his head? What was going to happen on Saturday when Devyn was there? Would he have a total breakdown?

"Are you sure, Brent?" Albert moved to the window and placed his palm on Brent's back.

Brent flinched and quickly pulled away from Albert. "You didn't offend..." Brent moved a little further from Albert. He did not want the man to touch him again. It only triggered more of Wilson's ranting inside his head. How did he get her out of his head? "I, um, just well..." Brent knew he could not explain his actions. Albert would think he was crazy if he knew about the battle going on inside Brent.

Albert dropped his hand to his side. "I am sorry Brent. I'll, um, go and let you get back to your schoolwork." Albert started towards the office door. He was feeling as though he had somehow injured Brent.

Brent could sense that by pulling away from Albert so abruptly, he had hurt the man's feelings. Wilson was still raging inside Brent's mind. "He's twisted. You were right to pull away from him. His touch is disgusting. He's disgusting. He fornicates with perverts." Brent just wanted that voice to go away. "Albert," Brent turned towards the door. He took a step towards the man. "Honestly Albert, it isn't you. I'm, er, stressed, and well, er, it makes me act stupid." Brent was speaking fast to try and explain what he had no idea how to explain. "I, ah, have stuff to work through yet." Maybe Matt and Dr. Drake were right. Maybe he did need to be seen more often. How did he get the bitch out of his head? How did he get to where physical contact did not cause a panic reaction?

"Sure, Brent. I understand."

Brent doubted Albert truly understood. Brent would need to have Matt try and smooth things over with Albert.

# #

Brent regretted how things had ended with Albert. He had not found the words to explain his reaction to the man. How did he explain that when any kind of sexual thoughts entered his head, he heard Wilson's voice ranting at him? Even worse was when someone touched him. It triggered the memories of what Wilson had done to him.

"You alright, Brent?" Matt asked as he drove them to Brent's appointment with Dr. Drake.

"Yeah, um, just thinking."

"Trying to find things that you want to talk to Dr. Drake about?"

"Um, I guess." Brent shrugged his shoulders.

"Well, there is something that you might want to talk to him about."

Brent turned to Matt. Did the man know something? Had Albert told Matt what a shit Brent had been to him?

Matt took a breath before approaching the next topic. "Your mom called again. She'd like to see you."

Brent shook his head. He had no desire to see them. "I don't want to see them."

"Not them, Brent. Just her."

"My Dad...I mean Richard doesn't want to see me?"

"My guess is that maybe your mom..."

Brent cut off Matt's words. "She's not my mom!" Brent's voice was louder than he had intended. "I'm sorry," he said, more softly.

"Linda thought it might be easier if you saw them one at a time." Matt did not blame the teenager for his outburst. He knew that Brent blamed both of his parents for the hell he had endured. Why they could not accept that their son was gay was beyond Matt. His own parents had been understanding and supportive. He had trouble fully wrapping his mind around the hell that Brent had endured. Matt was not sure which was harder to understand what Brent's parents had done or Devyn being tossed out by his homophobic father.

"I don't think I want to do that." Brent looked at Matt. "I don't have to, do I?"

"No Brent, you only have to meet with them if you want to do it. I made that promise to you and I'll keep it. You will never be forced into another visitation with them."

"What if something goes wrong with this court case? I mean if the judge doesn't give you and Bryan custody and sends me back to them?" That nightmare had been plaguing Brent's dreams lately. Even worse was the one where Richard returned him to Wilson to cure him of being gay.

"It won't happen, Brent."

"But you can't know that. I could. I know it could."

Matt took a breath. He and Bryan had discussed that possibility. "If that should happen, you still will not go back to live with them."

"But the law..."

"Brent, you are sixteen there is no way the judge will send you back to Linda and Richard." Matt was not going to tell Brent that if the judge lost his mind and did make that determination, that he and Bryan had a backup plan. With some of the connections Bryan had it would be easy enough for the right documents to be produced and for them to disappear until Brent was eighteen.

"Are you sure?"

"I am sure that unless you want to live with them, that you won't."

The confidence in Matt's voice helped Brent relax a bit. "Then you think I should see her?"

"Brent, that is up to you. That is not something that I can decide for you." Matt paused so he could choose his next words carefully. "I can tell you that Linda seems more accepting than Richard. She is worried about you and wants you to recover fully." Matt pulled into a parking spot at the doctor's office and turned off the SUV. "Whatever you decide, Bryan and I will support you. If you want to see Linda, I'll set it up. I'll be there with you. That is if you want that."

Brent bit his lower lip. "If... If I did see her, I'd want you there." Brent placed his hand on Matt's hand, which was resting on the center console. "I don't think I could do it without you."

Matt smiled at the teenager. He turned his hand so he could squeeze Brent's. "You are stronger than you think but I'll be there for you."

"I guess now I have something to talk to Dr. Drake about."

"I guess you do."

# #

Brent was pacing back and forth in Dr. Drake's office. He had told Drake all about what he and Matt had just talked about. He just was not sure he had figured anything out by talking to Dr. Drake.

"It sounds like you are torn, Brent." Dr Drake could see the turmoil on Brent's face. It was obvious that a part of the boy still wanted some sort of relationship with his parents.

"I'm stupid. I shouldn't want anything to do with them. After what he did to me, I should never want to see them again."

"But a part of you does want to see them."

Brent turned towards Dr. Drake. "Yes, does that make me stupid?"

"No Brent. It makes you human." Dr. Drake paused to give Brent a few moments. "You know, you do not have to decide this minute. You have time to think about it."

"Maybe after the custody shit is settled. Maybe then."

"That is a good idea. Once that is settled, then you should feel as though you are on a more stable footing when you do meet with her or both of them."

"Maybe I will." Brent was not sure. He thought that once Matt and Bryan were declared his adoptive parents that it would make him feel some relief.

"We can even do it here. Perhaps with me here it will help."

"Matt will be here too," Brent stated. "He already said he would."

Dr. Drake chuckled. "I'm sure he will. The only one that would have the ability to keep him away is you."

Brent looked down at the floor. He studied the pattern on the carpet. He had studied that pattern so much that he had it memorized. "He's protective."

"That might be a little of an understatement." Dr. Drake had talked with Matt enough that he knew just how protective Matt was towards Brent. "He loves you, Brent, and so does Brian.

"Why couldn't my dad be like them? Why?"

Dr. Drake's voice was soft. "I don't know, Brent." Dr Drake stood and took a few steps to Brent. He placed a comforting hand on Brent's shoulder. He felt the teenager tense up. "I suspect that Richard needs some intense therapy of his own to get to the underlying problem."

Brent looked up into Dr. Drake's kind eyes. "Do you think so?"

"His behavior is abnormal Brent. Parents should not react in such a manner when learning their son is gay."

"So...er...do you think if he saw someone, they could...um...change how he thinks about me?"

Dr. Drake took a moment to consider Brent's question. "It would take time and it would take considerable effort on Richard's part. He would need to want to find the reason for his disturbing tendencies towards someone being gay."

"So, it's not going to happen." Brent's voice was filled with a defeated tone.

"We never know. He and Linda might surprise you."

Brent doubted that. He could not see Richard or his mother ever changing their opinion of him.

"Now fill me in about Alex."

"What?" Brent was surprised by the statement.

"You have not mentioned him for a while. You've talked about the adoption, your parents, and Matt and Bryan but not about Alex."

"Um...there isn't much to say."

"Have you talked to him?"

"Er, yeah. He calls or messages me every day."

"But you aren't seeing him?

"No, he still thinks he likes me...I mean...you know...like a boyfriend."

"But you still do not remember feeling that way towards him?" Dr. Drake had hoped that some of Brent's missing memories would have returned by now.

Brent looked down at the floor. "No, I've tried but all I remember is after getting out of the clinic. I don't remember us dating or anything before that. I've tried to explain it to him but he just won't understand."

"Do you really think he does not understand?"

"If he did, why would he be wanting to stay with me?"

"Maybe the better question is, why not?"

"What?"

"Why shouldn't Alex care about you? Why shouldn't he love you?" Dr. Drake was watching Brent closely.

"He's a great guy. He could find a guy that isn't...me."

"You are a great guy, Brent. Alex definitely believes that and so do I. Matt and Bryan also believe that. That's why they love you."

"But I'm so..."

"Don't say messed up," Dr. Drake said. "That is what Wilson put into your head. You are not messed up for being gay."

"Maybe I wasn't before but now...maybe...I am. Alex doesn't understand that. I mean every time he touches me I, er, I get stressed."

"That is understandable after what Wilson did to you. She physically and sexually abused you. She was attempting a form of brainwashing. It will take time to recover from that.

"He needs to just move on. I'm not sure I'll ever get over...over what she did to me."

"But he loves you, Brent. We can't control who we love. The feelings are there."

"But I don't get why. It doesn't make sense."

"I think it makes perfect sense to him. He finds you attractive, kind, caring, and the other qualities he values."

Brent looked down at his hands. He was clenching them so tightly that it was painful. He had not even noticed that. "I think if he learns just how messed up I am, he will drop me. I think Devyn may do the same thing."

"Brent, I believe you are drastically underestimating your friends and underestimating yourself. It has not been that long since you were pulled out of Wilson's clutches. Give yourself time and trust in your friends."

"I'm not sure. I mean if they know just...er...how much just being touched bothers me." Brent looked away and then back at Dr. Drake. "I sometimes can almost feel her hands on me...um...sometimes it's like she's right there."

"I'm sure it does feel that way. It takes time Brent."

"I sometimes feel crazy. It's like I'm losing my mind. Why would Devyn want to be with me?"

"He may not want to be with you in that way but he may still want a deep friendship with you."

"I messed things up so badly with him." Brent looked out the window. The sky was grey just like he felt inside.

"Is he still coming on Saturday?" Dr. Drake moved back to his seat and sat down. He picked up his notepad and waited.

"Er...well...yeah. He said he was still coming."

"How do you feel? Are you excited, nervous, dreading seeing him?"

"I, um, well I'm nervous. I'm afraid he's not going to forgive me."

"I would guess that since he's coming to see you, that not forgiving you is not something you should be concerned with. It sounds like maybe the young man has already forgiven you."

"Matt says he has and that would be just like Devyn. He's always thinking of others."

"Yes, from what you have told me, he does sound like a compassionate person."

"He is and he's smart. He's just...I don't know Devyn." Brent could feel the butterflies in his stomach starting to flutter their wings. He knew that the closer Devyn's arrival got, the more excited and nervous he was going to become.

# #

"So, he's still coming then?" Alex asked Brent.

"Yes, tomorrow." Brent's voice hid his frustration with Alex. The man had been calling him every day to `just check in'.

"I just thought if something came up and he could not make it, that, um, you know we could do something." Alex had been trying to give Brent some breathing room but it was hard on the college student. He wanted to spend time with Brent. He wanted to find a way to unlock Brent's memory so the boy would remember what they had shared.

Brent tried to keep his voice level. He did not want Alex to hear his frustration. The guy just was not ever going to give up on them getting back together. In so many ways, it gave Brent a warm feeling. He sometimes found it hard that a guy like Alex would want to have anything to do with him. Brent could hear Dr. Drake's words that he was underestimating himself. "He is still coming. He will hopefully be here early afternoon."

"That's good. I know you two have things to talk about." Alex hoped that the jealousy he felt was not being sent through the phone. It was hard for him to cope with the idea that Brent would be spending most of the weekend with his first love.

"We do. I, um, have some things to explain to him."

"You know I could bring out Pizzas or something for everyone. I'd be happy to be your pizza delivery boy."

"Um, I don't think..."

"You could tip me with just a kiss." Alex wanted to kiss Brent right in front of this Devyn guy. He wanted the guy to know that Brent was his but Brent was not a possession. He was a person and Alex knew Brent needed to work through these feelings. Alex had seen a therapist and believed that it was partially these feelings for Devyn that were blocking Brent's memory.

"Alex..."

"It was just an option." Alex could hear the exasperation in Brent's voice. "I guess part of me just wants to meet this guy. He's important to you. That makes him important to me.

"Alex," Brent paused. He was not sure how to convey to Alex what the outcome of this weekend might be. "You know I don't want to hurt you but..."

"But you are hoping to patch things up with Devyn." The words cut Alex to his core. "I get that Brent. I have known that."

"Then why are you..."

"Because I'm better for you." Alex's words were more forceful than the college man intended. "I believe what we had is strong enough that in time you will see what I see."

"Alex! I don't remember what we had. I may never remember." Brent was almost shouting into the phone.

"You will, Brent. I know it. I feel it in my heart."

"Alex, move on. Move on with Pete." Brent said the words but as he did he felt a tightness in his chest. If Alex moved on, Brent was not sure he could stand that. He was not sure how he would feel about Alex being with Pete. On one hand, Brent knew Pete was better for Alex but on the other Brent needed Alex. He needed attention. Alex made him feel special even when he was at his worst.

"Brent," Alex's voice was soft. "I love Pete. He's an awesome friend but I'm not in love with him. I'm in love with you."

The silence on the phone drug out. Brent did not know how to respond to that. It was obvious Alex's feelings were stronger than Brent had ever known. How did he forget something like that? How could he block out those feelings? How could he keep doing this to Alex?

"Call me after the weekend," Alex said. "Or sooner if you need to. I'm here anytime."

"Alex..." Brent started but Alex had already ended the call.

# #

Copyright 2024 by Keith yates (keith.96@att.net) all rights reserved. No copying, reposting, or distributing is permitted without the author's written consent.

Reason obeys itself; and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it. Thomas Paine

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. Thomas Paine

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture. Thomas Paine

Character is much easier kept than recovered. Thomas Paine