This is a fictional story that may involve sexual acts between two or more males. If this offends you, why are you here? If you are under the legal age to read sexually explicit material then do not read any further. This story in no way represents any person living or dead. Any resemblance to any real person is purely coincidental.

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Readers Note: This chapter in Brent's Struggle are events taking place between the currently posted Chapter 58 of Devyn's Struggle and the soon to come chapter 59. It is a bit odd jumping between the two stories so please send me your thoughts. You can send them to keith.96@att.net or devyn.96@protonmail.com.

I do not believe that you have to read Devyn's Struggle to follow the storyline but it might help. You can find the story here:

https://www.nifty.org/nifty/gay/adult-youth/devyns-struggle/

Brent's Struggle Chapter 41

Matt's eyes traveled over the blonde boy in the hospital bed. Brent had been mostly sleeping. Matt was concerned but the doctor said it was normal due to the pain medication. Matt had to remind himself that the body healed when it was asleep. Matt was feeling drained emotionally and physically. Bryan had tried to get Matt to go home but Matt did not want to leave Brent alone in the hospital. Matt was certain that Alex would be coming to the hospital soon and Matt had promised Bryan that when Alex showed up that he would go home and trust Alex to stay with Brent.

Brent had been recovering but had developed a slight infection over the past few hours. They had started him on a course of antibiotics. It had given him a slight fever but the doctor believed the medication would be able to knock out the infection. Matt pressed his hand to Brent's forehead and thought Brent felt cooler than earlier. He hoped the medication was working.

"Hi, Matt," Alex greeted as he entered Brent's room. He quietly closed the door behind himself.

"Hi, Alex. I was expecting you about now."

"Am I that predictable?" Alex took the few strides that put him next to the chair where Matt was sitting.

"I knew you were going to be doing another nighttime vigil."

"Well, this way you and Bryan can get some rest. I don't mind. I actually kind of like watching him sleep. He looks so sweet and relaxed."

"He does, doesn't he." Matt had also noticed that when Brent was sleeping some of the strain left the teenager 's features. He looked younger than he was. Matt had not realized until the last couple of days how much of a tight control Brent was keeping on himself. The stress of the interview by the Justice Department and then that horrible meeting with Brent's parents had put a tremendous strain on the boy. Matt ground his teeth together every time he thought about that visitation. He believed it had been that meeting that had pushed Brent into taking the actions that had led him to be in the hospital and needing surgery.

"You look beat Matt." Alex paused before adding. "Sorry to be so blunt."

"It's alright, Alex. It has been a strange couple of days." Matt was tired. Even though he had gone home to sleep, it had not recharged his emotional batteries. His concern for Brent had wiped him out. The charge from Devyn showing up had given him a momentary boost but even that was beginning to ebb.

Alex placed a comforting hand on Matt's shoulder. "Go on home. I'll stay the night. I won't leave until you or Bryan are back in the morning."

Matt looked up into Alex's warm brown eyes. Matt thought again about how similar Alex and Devyn were. The eyes showed the same warmth but Alex's lacked those amazing golden flecks. "Thanks, Alex. We appreciate that."

Alex just nodded. "Like I've told you, I love him and I'm not giving up on us."

Matt wondered if he should tell Alex about Devyn being back in Brent's life. He started to and then hesitated. Did it matter? Until Brent was well, he needed both Alex and Devyn. Matt did not think Alex would storm off just because Devyn was back in the picture. Matt was not even sure what that picture was. Devyn and Brent had both changed so much. They would not be able to pick up their relationship where they left off.

"Go on Matt. I've got this." Alex took the other seat next to Brent's bed. The chair was not that comfortable. It was like the hospital purchased the most uncomfortable furniture to discourage people from staying with the patient.

Matt rose from the chair and stretched his back. He wondered if he might be able to talk Bryan into a back rub tonight. Of course, Bryan was probably as tired as Matt himself was and was probably in just as much need of a back rub. "Thanks again, Alex."

"Any time Matt." Matt left and Alex settled in to watch Brent sleep.

"It is true," Alex said to the sleeping form. "I do like watching you sleep. You look like a little blonde angel." Alex lightly stroked Brent's forehead.

"How about watching another episode of that vampire show? I started watching it for you but now I'm hooked." Alex was half hoping that like last night the sound of the show would pull Brent from his slumber. He knew that Brent needed his rest but he also thought it would be good for Brent to know there was someone sitting there that loved him.

Alex turned on the show and sat with Brent watching it. He hoped that maybe it would help Brent. Alex was just about to doze off when Brent began to stir. Alex quickly turned down the volume. "Hey sleepy."

"Where, where?"

"You are still in the hospital." Brent started to push himself up but Alex put a hand on Brent's chest to prevent him from getting up. "Just rest there blondie."

"Alex?" Brent's voice was hoarse.

"Yes, it's me, Brent." Alex lightly caressed Brent's forehead.

"I, I thought someone else was here."

"No, just me and you. Matt whet home a few hours ago. He'll be back in the morning though."

"You, you stayed here?" Brent was confused. He wasn't sure which was a dream and which was reality. Was this the reality? Was it Alex beside his bed all the time? He thought Devyn had been there but Devyn was dead. But Devyn had seemed so real. He had sworn that it had been Devyn. He thought it had been Devyn's touch on his skin. He thought it had been Devyn's voice in his ears.

"Of course, all part of being a friend."

"I, I was sure it was someone else." The events were not clear to Brent. It was like looking through layers of clouds. Had he been dreaming that Devyn was here or had it just been Alex the whole time? Brent could not piece the fragmented memories together.

"No, just me...well, I did have the TV on. I was watching your favorite vampire. That guy is fucking hot. They had him naked in this episode. He's got an awesome chest and six-pack. Not to mention a hot little ass."

"Alex," Brent began.

"You know when you are better we can rewatch these episodes. I know you will want to see them...or at least see him. We can talk about all the things we could do to that..."

Brent interrupted Alex. "Look Alex, you don't need to stay..."

Alex was a bit hurt by Brent's words but tried not to let that show. "I want to stay."

"I, I don't deserve you as a friend. I don't deserve..."

Alex put a finger on Brent's lips. "Stop that right now. You deserve me and I deserve you."

Brent tried to shake his head. "I fucked up. It killed him. It will kill you. Leave, leave."

"No, not this time. I'm staying. I promised Matt. Whatever you think you did..."

"Devyn's dead!" Brent's voice was getting louder. "It's my fault. It's my..."

"Brent, please don't get yourself all worked up. I'm not sure what exactly you are referring to but it isn't your fault. We will figure things out together."

"It is my fault. I hurt him and I hurt you. I pushed you away just like I pushed him away." Brent had pushed Devyn away in fear. He had been afraid of his parents and of being labeled gay. He had pushed Alex away as he thought the guy deserved better than him. He deserved a guy that was not fucked up like Brent believed himself to be.

Alex could see the stress in Brent's eyes and in the set of the teenager's mouth. He wanted the guy to relax. "Please Brent, relax. I'm here. You won't hurt me."

"I already have. I don't know why you put up with me. I'm so fucked up. I don't even know what is real and what is a fucking dream anymore. I swear I'm losing my mind." Brent's voice was getting louder. His words were filled with hurt and tears of sadness.

"I'm here because I care about you." Alex wanted to say he loved Brent but he was worried that might make Brent even more upset. "We are friends. This is what friends do."

Brent did not do this with his friends. When Devyn had needed him, he had turned his back on Devyn. Brent believed that Alex should turn his back on him. Alex deserved better. Devyn deserved better. Tears began oozing from the corners of Brent's eyes. "Why couldn't I just die? Why didn't they let me?"

Alex could not stop himself this time. He needed Brent to know how he felt. It was deeper than friends. It was stronger than anything Alex had ever felt before. "Because we love you, Brent. I love you."

"You shouldn't. You should hate me. I was an ass. I'm horrible. I'm twisted..."

"Brent, please." Alex placed a hand on Brent's arm. He gave it a squeeze. "Don't you get it? We love you. You aren't any of those things. You are caring. You are sweet."

"I'm not. I am horrible." Brent was beginning to sob now. His breath was coming faster. He was feeling a tightness in his chest. "I'm not loyal like you or Devyn. I'm a fucking coward. I gave in to them. I let them push me around. I denied who I was. I denied who I loved."

"I know it was hard for you Brent. I know how rough your parents made it on you." Alex wished he knew the right words. He wished he could find something to help Brent cope with these feelings. "But now you have Matt and Bryan. They love you. I love you. We are here to help you get better."

Brent could not speak. His chest was getting tighter. His heart rate was increasing. Part of his mind wondered if this was how a heart attack felt. Maybe he was having one. Maybe he would die and set them all free from his fucked up emotional shitstorm.

The door opened then and a nurse came in. "Oh, is he awake?"

Alex was glad the nurse was here. He could see that Brent was in some considerable physical distress. "He's awake but he..."

The nurse moved closer talking over Alex. "How are you tonight?" It only took her a moment to see that Brent was in considerable discomfort. "I think you've upset him."

"I did not mean to." Alex honestly was trying to do anything and everything he could think of to help Brent. He wished the male night nurse had been working tonight. That man had seemed more understanding than this woman. "I think he's had some horrible dreams and he's confused and..."

"Wait outside, young man."

Alex wanted to tell her to go to hell but he also did not want security called. He slowly got up from his chair. "I'll be back in a few."

"We are going to give you something for the pain," the nurse said as Alex stepped into the hall.

Alex could tell that the nurse was not going to let him back into Brent's room and there was no way Alex was going to allow that to happen. He had already pulled his cell phone from his pocket. He quickly flipped through his contacts. He was prepared this time with the hospital's director's private number. "This is Alex Caldwell. I'm sorry to wake you, Sir but I think I might have a situation here."

# #

Alex was sitting next to Brent's bed. He was holding the sleeping teenager's hand. In his other hand, he held his cell phone. He was explaining to Matt what had happened. "The doctor said it was an anxiety attack. They had to give him some powerful stuff to calm him down. He's sleeping peacefully now." Alex looked into Brent's angelic face. He looked like a little blonde angel when he was sleeping. "The doctor said he'll sleep through the rest of the night. He thinks it is just stress upon stress... Yes, I'll be here the rest of the night. There is no way they are moving me." The hospital director had made sure of that. Once the man understood Alex's concern and the fact that Brent was an especially important friend of the Caldwell family, the nursing staff and the doctors got clear instructions. Alex was granted 24-hour access to Brent's room.

Yes, I'll call you if anything changes." Alex ended the call then. He had hated making that call but he knew Matt and Bryan needed to know what had happened. He knew they deserved to know. Alex just hoped it had not been his presence that had set off Brent's attack. He should have thought of asking Matt about Devyn. He would do that when they next talked. He was not going to call the man back now. Matt needed some rest. It had been obvious that he was just as stressed as anyone with Brent's condition.

"We will get you through this," Alex said to the sleeping boy. "I love you and I believe if you would let yourself, you would see you love me." Alex rose from his chair and leaned over Brent. He softly kissed Brent's lips. He lightly caressed Brent's forehead and pushed back the blonde hair. "I want to be your prince charming. One of these days you are going to wake up when I kiss you. Then we can have our happily ever after."

#

Brent could hear voices again. He recognized Matt's but there was another voice. He felt cool fingers lightly caress his cheek. "Hey, you waking up?"

Brent's eyelids fluttered. He knew that voice. He must be dead. He must be dreaming. It must be Alex still sitting beside his bed. This cannot be real. Through the fog, Brent forced his eyes open.

For a moment Brent thought he was back in the clinic. The air felt sterile like the clinic. The room was white like the rooms at the clinic. The clinic had no color and this room appeared to have no color. He felt the roughness of the sheets. They were similar to those in the clinic. If he was back in the clinic, then he was truly in hell.

He would have sworn Devyn had been there to take him away. No, not Devyn. It was Alex. But he also thought Devyn had been there. Wasn't that Devyn's voice he had heard a moment ago?

"Hey, I thought maybe you were waking up."

Brent turned towards the voice. He felt the cool fingers lightly brush his hair back again.

"I was worried you were not going to wake up before I had to go."

Brent could not believe his eyes. But he would know that voice anywhere. He would know those brown eyes and those golden flecks. "DEVYN!" Brent started to sit up. He wanted to be sure this was not a dream.

Devyn placed a hand on Brent's chest. "Take it easy. You've been through quite a bit."

Brent winced in pain as the wound in his stomach shot bolts of pain through him. He leaned back and slowly sank back to the bed. He was breathing hard trying to work through the pain.

"You alright?" Devyn's voice was filled with concern at the pain on Brent's face.

"I, um, it hurts some but I'm alright." Brent was better now that he was not trying to sit up. His memory was foggy. He could not remember what had happened.

Devyn ran his cool fingers across Brent's forehead. He brushed back the blonde hair and looked into the blue eyes. "I was afraid I was going to have to leave before you woke back up."

"I'm so confused. I, I thought it was Alex but sometimes it felt like you. I don't know what is real." Brent tried to force his mind to work. He felt like his brain was swimming in mud.

"Alex was here," Matt said. "He's been sitting with you every night. Devyn has also been here."

"Then this is real? You are really here? It isn't a dream?" Brent could not believe his eyes. He found it hard to understand.

"It is, it is really me." Devyn touched Brent's cheek. "I've been worried about you."

Brent was starting to believe this was real. He was not dreaming. His mind was starting to feel more clear. "But... but Dad said. He said you were, that you were..."

"Dead," Devyn supplied. "Yeah, Frank has been spreading that lie around. He told that lie to both Sue and Matt. He had Sue and Matt both believing that. Not true. I've just been...well that doesn't matter now. All that is important is that you get better."

"I just don't know..." Brent's voice was hoarse. Speaking was almost painful.

"Don't talk too much," Devyn said. "You want a drink?"

Brent did need something to wet his throat. His mouth felt like a desert. "Yeah, some water."

Devyn raised the bed and then with an arm behind Brent, he helped the teenager take a few sips of water. "Don't overdo it."

Matt watched as Devyn helped Brent. He could not believe how much tenderness Devyn was showing. The boy was full of surprises.

The water helped ease Brent's dry throat. He was still trying to fit all of the pieces together into a format that he could make sense of. He was trying to process that it had been both Alex and Devyn sitting beside his bed. He had pushed them both away and yet they had both been here. "I don't believe this."

Devyn chuckled. "I guess it is all a bit confusing. This weekend has turned out to be a surprise for everyone. I had not figured on this at all. I mean seeing you in the hospital like this."

Brent let Devyn lower him back against the bed. He felt so weak. He did not understand exactly what happened. "I'm sorry if I messed up..."

Devyn cut off Brent's words. He did not want Brent to feel he had messed up Devyn's weekend plans. The boy had not. If anything, Devyn was glad he had also been able to find Brent this weekend. He wished Brent had not been hurt but seeing Brent again helped him deal with some emotions he had been suppressing. "You didn't mess up anything," Devyn said. "Accidents happen to everyone."

"Was it an accident?" Brent did not know. He tried but could not remember what had put him in the hospital. "How did I get here?" Brent was looking imploringly at Devyn to explain the events that had brought them here.

"I'm not real clear on the details." Devyn sat back down and looked at Brent. He had to admit that Brent did look better than when Devyn had first seen him.

"You had a small accident at home," Matt said. " You got hurt and needed surgery." Matt could see Brent was straining to recall the events. "We can talk about all of that later. It is not important right now. We just want you better."

Brent looked from Matt back to Devyn. He could not believe how knowing Devyn was not dead made Brent feel more alive. It was like they were connected and as long as Devyn was safe then Brent might also be alright. "Devyn, I'm sorry. I mean for... for what I did to you. I should have..."

"Brent don't worry about that. Just get better." Devyn did not want Brent to get upset by their past.

"But what I did. I...I know you have to hate me. You should hate me." Brent could not believe that after how he had treated Devyn, that Devyn was there sitting next to his bed. Devyn was like Alex, no matter what Brent did the two guys were there for him.

"Hush. We can talk about everything when you are better."

"No, I need to tell you." Brent did not want to let this opportunity to apologize pass him by. He needed Devyn to understand he regretted what he had done.

Devyn put a finger on Brent's lips. "When you are better. We will talk. We will figure it all out. Don't stress about it, Brent. Don't think another minute about that."

Matt was again touched by Devyn's caring personality. He was also noting that Devyn used the same gesture that Matt had seen Alex use. "Devyn's right Brent. That can be talked about when you are better and out of the hospital."

Brent did not want to wait to talk about it. He needed to make Devyn understand how sorry he was for what he had done. "But what I did."

Matt had told Devyn about Brent's anxiety attack and Devyn did not want Brent to have another one. He wanted Brent to relax and get better. Devyn knew there would be time for them to hash out their feelings for each other and their past. He also needed to figure out his feelings for Charlie. "Brent, that is the past. Let's figure out how we get you better."

"We, then you are staying?" Brent felt his heart swell. Maybe Devyn had forgiven him. Maybe they had a chance at a future together. But if he and Devyn had a future, then how would that affect Alex? Brent felt pain at the idea of hurting Alex.

"Well, I can't really stay. I've got school and responsibilities at home but Joe will let me come back."

Brent heard the words and felt another stab of fear. Devyn could not stay. Was it Devyn could not stay or that Devyn did not want to stay? Brent looked into familiar eyes and saw caring there. He would have to take Devyn at his word. Devyn had never lied to him before. Devyn had always been honest. "Um, who's Joe?"

"He's awesome. We will have tons to talk about when you get better."

"Like you," Matt began, "Devyn has a new family."

A new family. He and Devyn both had a new family now. "You know I'm living with Matt and Bryan."

"Matt told me." Devyn looked from Brent to Matt and then back into Brent's blue eyes. "We got better Dads than the one nature gave us."

Brent had to agree with that. Matt and Bryan were the best Dads. He wanted that to be permanent. "Don't you hate me? You should hate me."

Devyn's lips curved into a half smile. "No, Brent, I don't hate you. Now rest. We can talk when you are out of here." At one time Devyn would have said he hated Brent, but he knew now that had just been anger. He had been hurt and he had used that hurt to fuel his anger. Devyn realized that so much of what had happened between him and Brent had been due to their unaccepting parents.

Brent did not understand. Devyn should hate him. Devyn should not want to have anything to do with him. Yet Devyn was sitting there beside the bed. It was Devyn and not Alex this time. Why did these two guys, Devyn, and Alex, keep coming back to him? Brent was not sure but he was glad that they had.

"I do want to explain. I do want you to understand that I hate myself for what I did." Brent needed to explain it to Devyn. He did not want to wait and have this hanging over him.

Devyn swallowed down a lump. Thinking about what Brent had done to him still brought up painful emotions. He had felt betrayed by the one person he thought he could trust completely. "Brent, we can talk about this later. There is time for us to..."

"I was an ass to you." Brent cut off Devyn's words. He wanted Devyn to understand. "I should have treated you better."

Devyn had to agree with that. Brent should have treated him better. He would not have done that to Brent. At least, he hoped he would have never treated Brent like that.

"Brent, if you get upset, they are going to start limiting your visitors. Do you remember the attack from last night?" Matt did not want another anxiety attack. He also did not want Brent drugged as heavily as they had.

"Um, no, I don't..." Brent hated that so much of his memory was foggy or just missing.

"Alex was here and you got stressed. It freaked him out a bit. The nurse was going to toss him out." Matt knew now that was not going to happen. The head of the hospital had spoken to Matt after that. He wanted to be sure that Alex was allowed to visit and sit with Brent. The man had looked relieved when Matt confirmed that Alex was permitted to stay with Brent. It had been obvious that the man had not wanted to piss off the Caldwell family.

"We will talk about that," Devyn said. "I promise. I'll be back when you are out and we will talk it all out."

Brent guessed that would be better. They could talk when they were both in a better frame of mind. Maybe once Brent was out of the hospital everything would start coming together in his mind. Right now, everything was a bit foggy. "Alex was here when I, um, was upset?"

"He was," Matt confirmed. Matt glanced at Devyn. Did he see some hurt in Devyn's eyes? Maybe Devyn was feeling a bit hurt that there was another boy in Brent's life. "He's been here every night. He sits and watches and talks to you."

"I probably owe him some thanks and an apology. I wasn't very nice to him, was I?" Brent looked up at Matt.

Matt placed a hand on Brent's shoulder. "He will understand."

"So just who is Alex?" Devyn could not stop himself from being curious. He wanted to know if there was someone special in Brent's life.

"He's a friend," Brent said. He could not say that Alex was more than a friend. It was clear that Alex wanted to be more but Brent was not sure how he felt about the man.

"Is he a special friend?" Devyn wanted Brent to have more than just a friendship with this Alex but there was a part of him that felt jealous of Brent for having found some other guy.

"He's better than I deserve.

"I'm not sure that is true," Devyn said.

"Alex is a good guy but you deserve the best," Matt said. He then looked at Devyn. Matt wondered if the best person for Brent was Alex or maybe it was Devyn. Matt was sure he could see those old bonds rebuilding. Matt just hoped that someone did not get seriously hurt.

"We'll have a lot to talk about when I come back," Devyn said. He wondered if Matt's comment was telling Devyn that he was the better match for Brent. Did that mean that both this Alex guy and Charlie were going to end up hurt? Devyn could not imagine hurting Charlie.

The door opened then and a nurse hurried into the room. "Ho, good you are awake." The nurse moved to the side of Brent's bed.

"He just woke up a few minutes ago," Matt said. "He seems much better."

"That is good," The nurse moved up to Brent's bed. "How is your pain?" The nurse was studying Brent's eyes.

Brent had been ignoring the pain. He had not focused on it as he had been too overwhelmed by Devyn being there and the emotions he was trying to control. "Um, well, it hurts but..."

"We need to stay ahead of the pain. If we wait too long, then it is harder to get it back under control."

Brent did not really want more pain medication. It made him fuzzy-headed and sleepy. He wanted to talk to Devyn. He needed Devyn to understand what kind of head games Brent's parents and the doctor had done to him. He wanted Devyn to understand that he had been so messed up by Wilson and Richard. He needed to apologize. "Can't it wait for a little..."

"No, we need to keep you on a schedule." The nurse talked over Brent. "It will take a little while to work. You two boys can talk. Just don't force him to stay awake." Her eyes seemed to be accusing Devyn of forcing Brent to talk. "He needs his rest."

"Yes, Ma'am." Devyn was not sure he liked this nurse. He liked the guy that had been on duty when he had first gotten to the hospital. That guy had been nice but confused. He thought Devyn had been there all night.

"No, I'm not ready yet," Brent protested as the nurse was administering the medication. "I've got to talk to Devyn."

"It's alright Brent. We can talk later." Devyn lightly caressed Brent's brow. "Just let the medication do its job. When you are out of here we will talk about everything."

"He's right," The nurse said after administering the medication ."You boys can talk and play later."

Matt could not help but chuckle at that. How old did this nurse think Devyn and Brent were? The only playing these two might do would be of a sexual nature. Matt wondered if that was in the stars for these two. Could they recapture those romantic feelings?

"You don't understand yet," Brent said. He could already feel the medication starting to work on him.

"Devyn will be back, Brent," Matt said. "Isn't that right?" Matt looked at Devyn.

"Yes, next weekend. If that is alright?" Devyn met Matt's emerald eyes. He could see in those green depths that it was alright.

"Yes, you can spend the weekend. We've got room for you."

Devyn looked at Brent. "We will talk then. If you are out of here, we will have the whole weekend to talk."

"No, I want you to know now." Brent could already feel the fog from the medication starting to spread through him. He wanted to explain everything. He wanted to find just the right words. "I didn't mean what I said. I mean that day. I didn't mean it. I am sorry I wasn't..."

"No don't go getting yourself worked up," the nurse scolded and flashed another accusation at Devyn.

"She's right Brent. Just forget about that for now. I understand. We could have both managed that better. Just put that out of your mind." Devyn reached out and gave Brent's bare forearm a squeeze. He hoped it would reassure Brent.

Brent could not believe how good Devyn's touch felt. He wondered if it was really Devyn or was he dreaming. If this was the dream, then Brent hoped he would never wake up again.

"You're looking a bit sleepy." Devyn could see Brent's eyes starting to sag.

"I am starting to feel tired."

"Then rest. I'll be here for a while."

Brent closed his eyes. He felt like a weight had been lifted from his heart. Devyn did not hate him. If there was nothing else, then at least he had that knowledge.

#

Copyright 2023 by Keith yates (keith.96@att.net) all rights reserved.

No copying, reposting, or distributing is permitted without the author's written consent.

Reason obeys itself; and ignorance submits to whatever is dictated to it. Thomas Paine

Those who expect to reap the blessings of freedom must, like men, undergo the fatigue of supporting it. Thomas Paine

To argue with a man who has renounced the use and authority of reason, and whose philosophy consists in holding humanity in contempt, is like administering medicine to the dead, or endeavoring to convert an atheist by scripture. Thomas Paine

Character is much easier kept than recovered. Thomas Paine