Breach of Contract
CHAPTER 2: Figured You Out
Matt slept most of the way to P-town. Between the hangover and the emotions tearing at him, he was physically, mentally, and emotionally drained. Without really thinking, Ian said, "Siri play Nickelback 2003." Ian and Matt were 2nd year law students in 2003, and Nickelback was playing a concert up in Lowell, Mass. at the beginning of November. A group of law students decided to make a road trip up to the concert. One of the group, Winton Vandermeir, had a van so he drove. The concert was wild and there was plenty of beer and weed available. Neither Ian nor Matt were shy about partaking and both soon lost their inhibitions and their shirts.
The floor of the arena was crazy crowded and everyone was jumping up and down, and soon Ian and Matt were sweaty, high, and horny. At one point Ian lost his balance and fell. As, Matt helped him up, Ian put his arms around Matt's neck, put his mouth next to his ear, and said "I'm gay." Up until that point in their friendship they were just bros and neither was out of the closet. Ian still wasn't sure why he said it, and he would not have said it if he were sober. When he realized what he'd just said, Ian panicked and tried to run away, but Matt kept a hold of him.
In a panic, Ian asked, "Are you going to kick my ass!?"
Matt leaned in and said in Ian's ear, "I'd rather fuck it."
Just then Nickelback began playing their newest single, `Figured You Out."
When Chad Kroeger sang....
"I like your pants around your feet And I like the dirt that's on your knees And I like the way you still say please While your looking up at me You're like my favorite damn disease"
....Ian and Matt had their song. Maybe not the most romantic of songs, but it spoke to two horny twenty-somethings.
On the way back to Harvard, Ian and Matt sat in the back of the van and couldn't keep their hands off of each other. When they finally got back to Cambridge, they headed straight for Ian's apartment and fucked, yes fucked. There was nothing romantic or tender about it. It was as raw and driven as any of the Nickelback songs still ringing in their ears. Then the next morning they did it again. For the rest of the semester, the only time Matt went back to his place was to pick up his mail. Then after Winter break, Matt moved in with Ian.
The Summer between 2nd and 3rd year, Matt spent a week in Chicago. For Ian, it was the best week of his life. During the day Ian showed Matt the city; in the evening they went out to eat, to the theater, and to bars; then at night they were wild animals between the sheets. Ian had told his parents he was gay the first week he was home, and while caught off guard with his announcement, they and his brother and sister, rallied around him with love and support.
Breakfast the first morning of Matt's visit was awkward. Everyone at the table knew what Ian and Matt had likely been up to the night before. Issac, Ian's brother, was a Junior at Northwestern and completely without shame, much to Gordon and Lidia Coburn's constant chagrin. Halfway through breakfast, Isaac handed Ian a small gift wrapped box. Ian opened it and showed it to Matt, who immediately spit out the coffee he had just sipped. What was in the box was a home pregnancy kit. Lidia tried to feign disapproval, but Gordon and Ian's sister, Izzy, didn't hold back the laughter. Although momentarily embarrassing, the prank broke the ice and everyone could acknowledge that Ian and Matt were having sex, and that was okay.
However, Matt's family was different. He never told them that he and Ian were more than just friends. Matt's comment was they shouldn't be too open until after they had both landed positions with law firms. He said then they could announce they were together and he would tell his family in Oklahoma. Ian wasn't sure about that, but he knew the politics and culture of Oklahoma were different, so he went along. In retrospect, Matt's unwillingness to tell his parents, or be open about their relationship, should have set off warning bells.
It also should have been a warning that Matt and Ellen continued to be close, even after Matt proposed to him the second semester of their last year of law school. Ian was just too blinded by love to see what was going on. It didn't take long for Matt to get cold feet after asking Ian to marry him, and his mood changed. He became distant and started going out alone. He told Ian that it was just the pressure of finishing law school and sending out applications to law firms, and unfortunately, Ian bought the lie.
As it turned out, Matt and Ellen ran into each other at a party one weekend when Ian had flown back to Chicago to interview with a couple of law firms, and Matt was alone. One beer led to another, and then to the bedroom. Then at Spring Break Matt, went to Denver for interviews, before meeting up with Ian in Chicago. Ian thought that Denver was an odd choice, but Matt said his father had an old buddy who was a partner in a Denver firm and he was doing the interview to make his dad happy.
When Matt arrived in Chicago, after his visit to Denver, he was noticeably different. Lidia even pulled Ian aside and asked if everything was okay. Ian assured her it was just the pressure of finishing law school and looking for a job that was weighing on Matt. The one area where Matt didn't seem to be pulling back was in the bedroom, if anything the sex increased. At one point Ian even joked that Matt seemed to be storing it up for the winter. As it turned out, he was. He was trying to store up a lifetime of man-on-man sex to get him through a long heterosexual Winter to come.
A month before finals, Matt suddenly said he was moving out, and moving in with Ellen. When Ian asked what was going on, Matt handed him an envelope, threw his keys on the table, and walked out the door. After an hour of crying, Ian was finally able to open the envelope and read the letter.
Dear Ian,
I love you, and I think I always will, but I just can't be with you. I am going to marry Ellen. She is pregnant and I am going to do the right thing. Her father has offered me a position in his law firm. I know this is a cowardly way to tell you this, but I am just not strong enough to face you. You were always better than me.
I hope someday you can forgive me.
Matt
Ian was devastated and dealt with his rejection by throwing himself into studying as a distraction. When he had any free time, he swung from anger to sadness, and back to anger. He thought of all the ways he could get even. He even considered outing Matt to his family and Ellen. He would post all the pictures of them together on Facebook, and then send them links. Ian imagined the look on Matt's parents' faces when they saw a picture of him dancing in booty shorts and a pink crop top at Club Hydrate in Chicago. However, in the end, Ian didn't do any of the spiteful things he imagined. He just cried, moved back to Chicago, and tried to forget the guy who was now sleeping in the passenger seat.
I hope you enjoy "Breach of Contract."
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