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Dear readers. I have given all of you several chapters of an 'If Only' story called Gerry & Todd. It's listed under 'New Beginnings', as I am sure that this will be.
The following is totally true. Having become very engrossed in my writing, I have kept up the hope that someday there will really be romance in my life that, while not equal to what I have written, will be enough for me to keep faith in such things. I want to explain that just prior to my writing of Gerry & Todd, I had been through an 'awakening' of sorts that has changed me to my very core. I no longer feel as though I were too old, too fat, or any other negative image. Along this new path, I have taken much better care of myself. I have dropped some weight and began working at some building up as well. Since this change, people are taking me for my mid-thirties. I'm not about to argue that. I stand at 5'10", and am now weighing 190, with a 44" chest and a 32" waist. I have plans to increase that first number by four and drop the latter by at least two more. I have thick dark brown hair and hazel eyes. In addition to having a nice set of pecs, for the first time in my life I am developing a six pack. Not too shabby for 'mid-thirties'. All of this has greatly boosted my self-confidence, as I am sure it would for anyone else in my position. The names will be changed in the following, as these are real people. I asked 'Brandon' last night (Dec.15) if he would mind me writing about our experience, and posting it. He said 'not at all'. So here it is.
Friday December 7
Last Friday night, after doing Karaoke with a guy I had been seeing, (which wasn't working out) I went bar hopping around to two other places...seems now that I feel so much better about myself I have become something I used to hate...a real tease.... anyway, I found the two bars disappointing and headed across town to an after hours place. (And I had to be at work at 6 am, and I was)
When I went in the place was fairly crowded. I sat at an empty seat at one end of the bar. I looked around and then when I looked toward the other end the bartender there gave me a smile that was just short of electric.... or maybe it was, it almost felt as if I could melt from the warmth of it. After a few doses of his smile, I asked my bartender for a pen and paper and quickly wrote what I was thinking. (Your smile is like the Northern Lights that brighten the sky for millions) Then I motioned the man with the smile over and handed him the paper. He walked away as he read it then came back and said a kind of shy 'Thank you'.
Come to find out the older man next to me, Karl, was one of the owners. I asked in as subtle a way as possible about the other bartender. He informed me that his name was 'Brandon', was a great worker, age 20, and has a boyfriend that doesn't treat him right.
After a few more minutes of the 'smile' exchange, Brandon seemed to be avoiding looking my way for a while. As things slowed down a bit, I went out to my truck and brought in a copy of chapter one of my story (Gerry & Todd) to show Karl, but he was too busy with other things. At one point, Brandon came back down my way and I asked him if he would be interested in reading a story that I was writing? He said sure.
As soon as he started past the first few paragraphs, he went into the backroom for several minutes. When he returned he handed it back to me. "I just read the whole thing and it is awesome." I told him that I was glad he liked it and that I wanted him to read it as it would give him and idea of what kind of person I was. I said that I had ten more chapters out in my truck. He said to come in on Thursday and bring them with me. I left not long after that. It was a very long week to Thursday.
Now, before any of you readers get upset with me for a lack of description of Brandon, here it is as unbiased as possible. He stands just a little taller than I do. Lean, but not what I would call skinny. Short dark hair, and very handsome. His voice is a rich baritone. I won't describe him any further as it may cause problems for right now should anyone figure out who he is.
Thursday December 13
Well this week took forever for Thursday to come around. By the time that I was done with work yesterday, I was becoming a nervous wreck. I went to eat and then went to see a good friend of mine at a florist shop. I took a long stem red rose with all of the trimmings with me.
I came home and got cleaned up. My nerves were getting worse by the minute. I hadn't felt like this in ages about meeting with someone. I got to the bar about a half-hour after opening. I went inside to see if he was there or not, and he was. There were also a few customers.
At one point it was just Brandon and I and one other person in the place. I told him that I was going out to get the rest of the chapters. (the vibes weren't nearly so strong as the Friday before, but I'll explain that in a few) I brought in the 'book' (the current chapters of Gerry & Todd) and my jacket with the rose tucked inside it as well as a journal I've been keeping for lyric ideas.
I told him that he had inspired me to do some other writing this last week and I pulled out the rose and handed it to him as a 'thank you'. He looked a little reserved about it. He had some stock work to do before he could sit down. I asked the other person if he were interested in reading a story I had been writing and he said sure. (at this point we are talking about 62 pages) He began to read and as soon as Brandon had the chance he sat and began with the chapters as the other guy finished them. Every so often as Brandon finished a chapter and I would hand him the next he said that 'this is so awesome'. And each time I responded with a modest 'thank you'.
Once he had finished reading it all he had a few more customers to wait on. It was time for me to start talking about last Friday as well as 'tonight'. I asked him why he had smiled at me like that. He said that he had had a rotten day and when he saw me even from the distance and among all of those people he felt something and it made him smile.
As we talked a little more about it, we could feel the vibes coming back. I mentioned music and Enrique Iglesias. He looked at me and said "the song 'Hero' in English and Spanish". Readers, you tell me just where this is heading? I have the CD case for his Escape album taped together as I have been wearing out the very same two songs at work, in my truck and at home. I told him so and even quoted some of the Spanish lyrics to prove my point.
This is not a 'Let's get it on' connection. Nor, could I call it 'love at first sight'. This is the most intense feeling and it seems to be way beyond the normal bonds... call it 'soul mates', but I feel as if I were now a character in my own story and having a relationship that transcends what most other people have. It seems 'surreal'.
We both touched on the subject of feeling that we have met our destiny with each other. There are some differences, but not many. At one point I looked him in the eye and said that he might want to know my age. He responded with 'no, it's not important'.
We also talked briefly about his 'boyfriend'. Brandon said that they had worked things out at this point. I looked at him and said 'but we both know what has to happen with us, don't we?'. He just nodded. This whole thing feels like it's from another plain of existence or divine intervention.
I told him that it was too soon for me to ask for anything else, but that I would like to hold him in my arms for just a few seconds. At about that time he got busier with the customers. I couldn't believe how late it was. He was off duty in just a little while. We had a chance for a bit more conversation, but I didn't get to hold him.
Midnight arrived, and so did his boyfriend to take him home. I felt more than awkward as I reminded him of the rose. He smiled and said that he wasn't about to forget it. I stood as he took it from the counter and then he gave me a squeeze in front of everyone, his boyfriend included.
This whole thing makes me feel like I'm in the Twilight Zone. Once he and his left, so did I. I went to a few other places, then did some very late night shopping, then came home.
I sat here just thinking about it all. My eyes keep tearing up because this whole thing feels like a terrific dream that I'm going to wake up from.
Monday, I will catch Holy Hell as I not only didn't go into work, but also didn't call either. (my attendance is such that unless I hit a high number my absences don't even go on record)
I've been like a space cadet all day. Every time I think about him a chill runs down my spine. What a wonderful feeling. This isn't a matter of are we going to get together, but when. It isn't a matter of do we love each other... this is a far deeper matter... I feel like there has been a hole inside me somewhere that has been filled... it's so very hard to explain it... Brandon has created feelings in me that I didn't know even existed... it's all so much more...
If you, the readers, would like to be kept informed on this, please let me know. Remember that this is really my life happening here. And yes, I have seen Brandon on Friday night as well as Saturday. This Thursday, I am taking him chapter twelve that just posted. I'll save that for the next installment, if I get any positive feedback.