A Brand New Feeling Chapter 1 By: Suma L.
New NEW nEw!
Okay, for a little background, I started writing this story for a friend of mine based on his life. I actually am a part in this story, but that's a secret I'll give out to whoever I get feedback from that asks. ? The names have been changed, but the actually story basically remains. I finally decided to type it up since I have free time, seeing as I've been sick with the flu or... something like that. Anyhoo, I'd really like some feedback on this first chapter so I know whether or not to continue on with this new story. Please let me know what you think, whether it is good or bad.
This story switches points of view. This is indicated by the *****'s.
Thanks for even clicking here! Hope you enjoy what I have so far!
DISCLAIMER
This story isn't supposed to imply anything about the members of Nsync or anyone else involved in the story. This is all made up. In better English, IT'S NOT REAL! If you're too young in your area or it's illegal, then leave. If homosexual themes offend you then you may want to leave as well.
Prologue --
My story begins at a difficult juncture in my life. Graduation. Now I'm sure graduation from high school is different for everyone. Some people may know exactly where they're going. On the other hand, some may be completely clueless. I guess you could say I was one of the clueless ones. But I'm sure none of the other clueless ones were dealing with a personal struggle as difficult as mine was turning out to be.
I'd kind of always known I was gay. I've always been attracted to men. I've only really wanted mental relationships with females, if that makes sense to anyone. It never seems fair to me. I've always wanted that pretty little white house on the corner, nicely trimmed hedge, to be the rich husband with the gorgeous wife, and the two darling children.
But, I soon realized that I didn't want to be that man, I wanted to be WITH that man. This shattered all my hopes of a normal life. I didn't choose to be this way, it was almost forced upon me. There's nothing I, or anyone else can do about it.
I am not openly gay. Only a select few actually know about my true preference. I do feel ashamed, however, that I didn't even tell my first best friend. I wasn't ready, and when I was ready, I told. The first friend I told was Lila. She took it surprisingly well. But then I felt horrible because I didn't tell my other best friend Jessica. (I have few close male friends.) I finally did tell her, and now everything is okay, but sometimes I still feel a little guilty about it all.
As for anyone else knowing, most people sort of figured it out on his or her own. Many people say I just 'flame' gayness. I know I can at times, but seriously, am I that bad?
So here I am, a fresh faced gay graduate. I looked at the world, and it glared back.
Chapter 1 --
I had been making plans to attend a nearby University. I had heard claims that it had a large gay male population. To put it in a strange, blunt way, my loins quivered in anticipation. I had plans to take an early visit there with Lila, who had already been attending the University for a year.
We had just pulled up to the main administration office building in her new Jaguar. I was immensely jealous. She was always a slightly spoiled one. But, then again, so was I in my own aspects.
"I'm going to go get one of those summer class sheets, then we can go scope out the buildings, okay? So just, like, wander around the area for a sec, I'll be right back! I promise!"
"Year, okay, whatever." I mumbled, and immediately began to inspect the craftsmanship on the building ahead of me. "How cheap!" I hissed at the molded plaster.
"Isn't it?" I flipped around at the sound of another voice. "Oh, my apologies. I didn't mean to startle you." The man said with a laugh. He was one of the most handsome men I had ever met. I knew he had to be a model... well, atleast very wealthy. His outfit made him look so stunningly sexy. I could hardly breathe.
"I'm Damien." He said, and extending his hand.
I shook it nervously. 'Soft hands.' I thought. 'This has to be heaven!' "I'm Jaron."
"Well, Jaron, it's nice to meet you. Where are you from?"
"Kansas... Unfortunately..."
"That's alright. I know how you feel! I'm actually from Wyoming."
"You can hardly tell!" I said, stifling my gasp.
"Well, I got offered a modeling job, and then things just sort of took off from there, and here I am now. "
"Have I seen any of your work?"
"I'm primarily a runway model, I do Gucci, Armani. However, I did start out doing Tommy adds, until the business, well, you know how it went." He laughed nervously. I did know what he was talking about. Tommy Hilfiger clothing sales plummeted strongly a year or so back. A lot of breaking news about child labor, and other extremities is what I recall started the whole mess. "Donatello Versace gave me my start. Lovely woman."
"Wow..." I said in complete awe.
"Well, I'm actually here on a mission. I was sent to this place to recruit. I think I've got someone in mind."
"Who!?" I gasped, oblivious to the obvious.
"You! That is... if you're interested. They'll fly you in for a look over, if you make the cut, they'll do a minor shoot. Then the agency will send those pictures to the top designers, and if they like you, you may have your pick of work."
"I'm BEYOND interested!" I shrieked, and eagerly shook his hand as a signal that I wanted what he was offering. I realized I was overreacting a bit, and calmed myself down, slowly letting go of his hand. "I mean, yes, I'd love to take this opportunity."
"Fantastic! Here's my card, call me in a week, and we'll arrange a flight date. Talk to you a week from today!" He called out as he turned around and made his off campus.
"Yeah, bye." I whispered, clutching the card as if it were to break. Right then, Lila came out of the building. "OH! LILA, LILA, LILA! You won't BELIEVE what happened!" I yelled giddily, and bounced over to her."
"Tell me later! I got the papers, we have to go!"
I spent the rest of the day with her as she gave me the grand tour of the campus. I excitedly told her about what happened. She acted very supportive, but did remind me not to set myself up for a disappointment. I didn't care! I couldn't wait to get home and tell Jessica and my parents.
"Dammit, Justin! Pull yourself together!" JC Chasez grabbed his friend by the shoulders and shook him violently. "Put down that fucking bottle and look at me!" Justin Timberlake slurred his reply, but still didn't look up. "THAT'S IT! GET OUTSIDE! NOW!" JC ripped the bottle from Justin's hand, and threw it on the floor, it's yellow liquid dripping out the neck of the bottle.
"What... everrrr." Justin mumbled just as JC picked him up, walked through the house to the patio, and threw Justin in the pool. Justin angrily swam towards the surface. "FUCK YOU, BASTERD! WHAT THE HELL WAS THAT FOR!?" He pulled himself out of the water, stood up, than began to get in JC's face.
"You NEED to sober up, JUSTIN! The group breaking up is not the end of the world! You could go do solo projects! Fuck, you could even go and do something crazy like settling down with one person! But no! You choose to lay on my couch all day and drink. We broke up, because Chris got married, Joey and Lance had a public union. They all want to have a family. We're the only two left, and I happen to have someone who is upstairs laying on my bed right now waiting for me, and I have EVERY intention of proposing to him tonight!"
"I don't WANT to settle!" Justin yelled to over power JC's booming voice.
"Then don't! But you know what? Get the fuck OUT OF MY HOUSE! Come back when you've sobered up, FOR GOOD THIS TIME!" JC turned on his heel and went straight back into his house, slamming the door behind him.
"Asshole! Asshole! Asshole!" Justin told himself over and over as he staggered to his car. The seat of his pants slopped onto the leather interior, and he started his Mercedes. "Yeah, I'll come back when I'm sober... That way I get to fully enjoy it when I plow through your house in my car!" Justin rounded the corner, and then slammed his foot on the accelerator.
"What the?" He looked over his steering wheel, and saw a set of headlights coming right at him. He hurriedly flashed his lights, but the other car just flashed it's own lights, and honked. Justin finally noticed he was to the left of the centerline. "FUCK!" He screamed, and swerved hard to the right. The car slid off the shoulder of the road, did a flip, and landed back right side up in the ditch. He tried to move, but a wave of pain hit him. He began to sob.
It had been two weeks since I'd met with Damien. I was beyond anxious to get started as I sat at the airport waiting for my flight. I had been flown in previously, and to my excitement, had made the cut. Now I was being called in for a job prospect where I would actually get to work with Damien. I was told if this went through, I'd most likely have to quit college, and take this on full time if I was serious about modeling as a career, because with the work, there would be no time for studies. That was just what I intended to do.
My eyes darted around the airport nervously. I spotted a TV playing in the corner, so I switched to a closer seat so I could hear it better. I could hear the reporter's voice loud and clear:
"THIS EVENING ON ET! We have a special newsbreak! Last month we brought you the N'Sync breakup story exclusive. Now, tonight, we bring you a report on a new twist in the story! At 4:15 A.M. Eastern time, former 'N Syncer, Justin Timberlake, was in an automobile accident. The car ran off the road, and allegedly flipped over and landed in a nearby ditch! Doctor's say Mr. Timberlake is in stable condition, and is just miraculously suffering from only a broken leg and a bump on the head."
"Oh my god!" I gasped. I had always been a major fan of 'N Sync, and the breakup was horrible enough, now this. Justin used to be all I could ever think about it. I had a celebrity crush; I was a definite teeny bopping boy. Even though I had gotten over it, I still thought he was extremely handsome.
"NOW BOARDING: FLIGHT 764 TO NEW YORK," the annoying blonde attendants voice interrupted my train of thought.
"Hope you get better, Justin." I whispered, and then headed to my terminal.
"Justin? Justinnnn?" A soft warm hand patted Justin's own gently.
"Wha?" Justin murmured, licked his dry lips, and slowly opened his eyes. It was Britney. He hadn't seen her since her wedding. She looked so much more grownup since Dan had entered her life.
"How are you, sweetie?" She asked softly, giving him a peck on the cheek.
"My leg hurts. So does my head. And a little sleepy too."
"You broke your leg, and bumped your head in the accident. Thank god that's all that happened. It looked to be a much worse crash."
"Oh." He tried to sit up, but pain shot through his back causing him to fall backwards with a 'thump' against the pillows.
"Lay back. It's best." Britney patted his shoulder. "JC and Chris are here. Joey is down in the cafeteria, comforting Lance. You know how he cries." She let out a small giggle. "JC feels really horrible about all this, Justin. He thinks it's all his fault."
"It's not!"
"I know, but he doesn't realize that."
"I want to see him."
"Just him?"
"Yeah. For now."
"All right. I'll talk to you in a bit."
Justin watched through the glass patient-viewing window as Britney asked JC to come in. He looked very pale, and his eyes were red and puffy from crying. The minute he came through the doors, he broke into tears at the sight of Justin. Justin felt his pain too, and also began to cry.
"Justin, I'm so so sorry!" He sobbed. "I shouldn't have yelled at you like that! I should have atleast waited until the next day to let you sober up before you left. I put you at risk, and look what happened!" He motioned to Justin's elevated leg in the cast.
"Don't be like that!" Justin cried out. "It's my own stupid fault. I shouldn't have been drinking in the first place! I shouldn't have even been at your house! It's not your fault! Broken legs heal! Broken hearts don't always! Please forgive me!" Justin sobbed uncontrollably.
JC hugged him, and the embrace didn't stop for a long time. Finally, JC pulled away, and rubbed the tears away from Justin's eyes. He slowly pulled a mangled piece of metal from his pocked. "I brought you something."
"What is that!?" Justin asked, glaring at the metal.
"Your 'N Sync hood ornament." He cracked a smile, and so did Justin. They laughed for a moment, and then JC got serious again. "It there anyone you want to see in particular right now?" JC set the metal ornament on the food tray next to Justin's bed.
"Everyone!" Justin smiled weekly, "Well, maybe just one at a time."
"Okay, sure." JC paused before exiting, and decided to give Justin one quick hug before he left. "I love you, Justin." He whispered into the younger mans ear.
"I love you too." Justin said with a smile, and then waited patiently for the next person to enter. That next person was unfortunately Nick Carter.
Justin and Nick had started a heavy relationship a month before 'N Sync's breakup, and ended it one week after. Nick's breaking up with him truly devastated Justin, and since then, the Backstreet Boys broke up, and most of them went solo, except for Nick, to Justin's liking.
"JUSTIN! I love you! I'm so sorry! I never should have broken up with you! This is all my fault!" Nick threw himself onto Justin's chest dramatically.
"Don't flatter yourself, Nicky." Justin hissed at him. This isn't about you! We're over, remember? You said you didn't want me anymore; that you could do better! Remember? DO YOU!?" Justin practically screamed at Nick.
"I do... I do remember... But I wasn't thinking when I said that. I was stupid. I still love you." Nick bent down to kiss Justin, but Justin leaned up and bit him.
"LEAVE!" He glared at the whimpering Nick, who was now holding his cheek in pain. "NOW!" Nick almost ran out the door.
By the end of the night, Justin had seen almost 20 some different people, and now he was ready to settle into a night all to him in peace. He flipped on the TV, and quickly snapped through the channels, landing on Entertainment Tonight.
"Who's this fresh faced young man you see?! Why it's Jaron Edwards, and he's being linked to such models as Damien Lane! This wonderboy is the new model for the fall Versace line, and one of the newest stars in the fashion world! Here's Chris Johnson with a sneak peek at your interview with him!"
"Yes, Jaron, ah, what is it that you are looking forward to the most in this business?"
"Well, Chris, I'm hoping to claim a piece of the fashion industry for my own, and maybe even find a love!"
"One of the female models, eh?"
"I guess you could say that..." His voice trailed off, and he let out a nervous giggle.
"MORE ON THIS AND OTHER STORIES LATER AT 10 ON ET!"
Justin snapped off the TV. Something about what he saw told him that Jaron wasn't the average model. Linked to Damien... Damien is gay, which had to mean that... He could only hope that someday he might meet him.
Damien and I giggled like schoolgirls as we romped through the backstage area of the Versace fall line preview show. I had done my debut, and the after party wasn't to begin for another hour. We had time to kill, and a place to play. Everything happened very quickly.
I chased him all the way to the end of the hall, and he ran into the dressing room, shutting the door on me before I got there.
"Hey! C'mon! Let me in!" I pounded on the door until a hand reached out and pulled me in.
The room was dark, and I could feel Damien's strong hands on my chest, pushing me back against the wall. I felt his lips on mine, and then I yielded to his tongue, letting it enter my mouth. He kissed me for what seemed like forever, and let off when he felt no response.
"Real, uh, sorry about that! I let my body get ahead of me there."
"It's okay." I whispered breathily. I ran my finger along his lips, and leaned in for another kiss.
"I, um, oh!" I moaned into the kiss as Damien slid his hands into my pants.
"Stop?" Damien lifted his head up from what he had started to do.
"No, please! Go on!" My mind went blank, and my body crumbled under his touch, and I let him take me.
"YOU SLUT!" Lila's voice shrieked into the phone. It was the day after the incident, and I could not believe I had slept with Damien! It wasn't as passionate and beautiful as I'd imagined, but it still felt good.
"I am not a slut! I am a first timer!"
"Whatever, dirtyboy. How's business?" I head a click. She was biting her nails again. Dirty habit, she really should quit.
"Good. I have a thing with Damien on Tuesday."
"A thing?"
"Yes, a THING. It's a shoot for some new jeans, and they want me and Damien to model them."
"And then...?"
"And then what?"
"AND THEN!?"
"And then he's taking me out to dinner..."
"I KNEW IT!"
"Shut up! Its just dinner! Not another sexcapade!"
"Yeah, sure. It may not be planned that way, but it's going to happen. You'll go to a nice restaurant, he'll pay, he'll take you back to your place. You'll say goodnight, but he'll come in anyway. You'll break out the drinks, he'll open his pants, AND IT'S ALL SEX FROM THERE!"
"I'm not planning this from your personal experience!"
"Listen! What I'm trying to say is that if you don't like this guy enough to seriously consider dating him exclusively, then don't go to dinner, or you will regret it!"
"I'm a big boy! I can handle this myself!"
"Not when another penis is involved."
"Urges. I've got urges."
"Yeah, I know. Well, I should go. The spice boy will be here soon."
I laughed. The spice boy was our affectionate term for Lila's new boyfriend. Obviously a closet case, but will not admit it.
"I see, well, talk to you later." I hung up the phone feeling very happy. I knew deep down she was right. We would end up doing something. But, I didn't care if it was just sort of a fling. I wanted it to happen.
"The fridge is stocked, and the towels are in the hall closet. That should cover about everything! If you need anything, just give me or Dan a yell!" Britney smiled, and adjusted her pink barrette.
"Danielle here today?" Justin asked, as he got comfortable on the bed in Britney and Dan's guestroom.
"She should be here about... hmm... any moment." Dan checked his watch. "If she bothers you, just get one of us, and we'll give her something to do."
"She'll be fine. A nice change of scenery from the grave people I've been dealing with lately."
"I understand, honey. Just try to relax, okay?" Britney released Dan's hand, and walked over to hug Justin. "It's really nice having you here. I've missed you."
"I missed you too, Brit. Now if you don't mind, I think I might like to explore your house a bit more."
"That's fine. Just watch yourself on the stairs! I've got to get back to my reading, and Dan can finally finish fixing that stupid cabinet!"
"Ooo! I hate you for bringing that up, baby." Dan playfully smacked her arm, and they both walked out giggling, hand in hand.
"Peace..." Justin took a deep breath and crutched his way through the hall, staring at the pictures on the way. There were a lot of Britney's nieces and nephews, and younger cousins. Britney loved children a lot, so it was understandable. Justin knew she and Dan had been trying for sometime. He just hoped Brit's wish would come true and she'd bear a child.
"UNCLE JUSTIN!" Danielle was definitely home.
"In here, Dani!"
"YOU'RE ON CRUTCHES!" She shrieked.
"I know. I broke my leg. Let's go into my room, okay?"
"NO! MINE!" Justin tiredly followed the hyper little girl into her 'Barbie cave,' as he liked to call it.
"Look what mommy gave me!" She held up a brand new Christina Aguilara action doll. I gasped. How vicious of Christina to giver her that knowing full well it would end up at Britney and Dan's.
"Let's keep this from Britney, okay? Our little secret."
"WHY!?" She demanded, slowly pushing it under her bed.
"Remember what daddy told you about mommy and Britney?"
"Oh! Okay! I don't want to hurt Britney's feelings!"
"Good girl!" Justin messed up Danielle's hair affectionately.
"Hey! Mommy just did my hair before I got here!"
"That's okay! Britney can fix it for you!"
"NO!" Mommy said I'm not supposed to let Britney do my hair! I want her to, but mommy said NO!" Justin rolled his eyes. This little girl had been brain washed. Since Dan and Britney had hooked up, Christina began to viciously hate Britney for taking her ex-husband. Not only that, but Britney tended to be a better mother than Christina was. Christina greatly hated Britney for that, and always tried to make her daughter remember that Britney was only a stepmother, and would always tell her to not like Britney. It was beginning to get ugly.
"Well... What if uncle Justin gave you special permission to let Britney do your hair?"
"OKAY!"
"I'm going to go take a nap, Dani, okay? Come get me for supper, okay?"
"Alright!" And then Danielle was gone downstairs faster than Justin could stand up.
He crutched back along the hallway to the guest bedroom. His leg felt much better as soon as he was in a comfortable resting position on the bed. He knew things were going to get better now that he was in Britney's care. He would get sober, find a new job, and hopefully, meet the love of his life like everybody else had. Even if it didn't happen, he could atleast dream it...
Okay! That's it for my first shot at Chapter 1 of A Brand New Feeling. I hope you liked it, and I hope to hear from you if you're reading this. I'd like to give a few shout outs while I'm here.
First of all, to my inspiration of the story, and the one who talked me into writing this. I love you!
Second of all to my other inspiration for writing! I love you too! Then, to all my friends who basically have become my editors, THANKS! I LOVE YOU ALL!
And to all my readers of not just this story, but my other story, The Beauty, which should be updated soon as well! Love ya guys too!!
Well, let me know what you think of this, and if I should write more on it, or just quit while I'm ahead.
Oh, and Yuli, does this have enough meat on the bones? ? Keep on reading!
--Suma Sumacumlaude@hotmail.com