This story is dedicated to my friend, Tony - a beautiful person who, out of nowhere, found me and sensed my torment and has helped me admit who I am, - bisexual - and not to feel bad about it. This story is completely true, and Tony was the only person who I have felt comfortable enough telling it to, and admitting to myself that this actually happened, having suppressed it in my memory for 30 years. When I told Tony this story, he encouraged me to write about it. I think he thought it would be cathartic for me to do so. I think he was right. I remember most of the details as if they happened yesterday, although some of them have been blurred either by the passing of time - or just happened so quickly that I'm not sure exactly how things happened.
I am a married man with a beautiful wife, and 2 wonderful, teenage children. We are, for all intents and purposes, a model family - we are happy, I am a reasonably successful professional, we have a nice, middle class house, we are close with our families, and we are involved and respected in our community. We have everything most people strive for, but I have this deep dark secret to go with it. Therefore, I am deeply closeted, and rather fearful that anybody who knows me will ever find out the real truth.
I was a "late bloomer" in the dating and sex department, and it did cross my mind once or twice that perhaps I was gay - I was also not into sports and "macho" things as a child, played the piano and enjoyed classical music, so, as is often the case, with boys like me, was sometimes teased by my classmates- but we all know teenage boys can be just plain mean, and that those things don't necessarily mean anything. I had sex with one girl before I met the girl who would ultimately become my wife, and once I met her our sex life was so wonderful, that any thoughts I may have had about being gay were completely erased. That is, of course, until the internet reared its ugly head, and out of curiosity, I started looking at gay sites - then with more frequency, and with more intrigue. The silver lining in that cloud is that is how I met Tony - completely by accident in a gay chatroom. We chat on-line or speak almost every day, and he puts a smile on my face every time we do. Don't we all need somebody in our lives who does that to us? He is my closest friend, even though we have never met.
There was, however, one series of incidents, which I dismissed as being adolescent experimentation - until now - and that is the subject of my story.
I was 17 years old. A senior in High School. Some family friends moved into our community, and they had a son my age who was going to school with me. I took him under my wing - showed him around - introduced him to my friends - and used to drive him to and from school because he didn't have his own car. We had many interests in common and became instant best friends (much to the chagrin of my other best friend - who I could sense was jealous - but I did make sure we all did stuff together as much as I could. They both had the same name - Brad - but they never became friends.) He (the new Brad - Brad #2 ) was also very good looking, and many of the girls in our class were instantly attracted to him, until they got to know him. Unfortunately, he was and still is very egocentric and narcissistic.
About 3 or 4 months after we met, we decided to take a road trip to a place about 200 miles away. Because I felt bad about Brad #1, we invited him to come along too - but he decided to fly there, and was meeting us the following morning. Brad #2 and I were leaving early in the morning, so he slept over at my house the night before on a cot in my room When we were going to sleep, I started to sense an attraction to him that I hadn't felt before.
During the whole drive, the mood was very "cozy". We were starting to get to know each other on a deeper level - the conversation inevitably started to veer towards our previous love-lives (such as they were) - the girls I had crushes on over the years - the girlfriend he told me he left behind in his old hometown, and how "far" they had gotten - (not very far) and general conversation that drew us closer and more intimate with one another. I could just feel myself being drawn to this person in a very tender way.
That night - in the hotel room - we got into bed. We were both wearing just briefs. We were in twin beds, separated by a nightstand - a typical hotel room. But neither of us was ready to go to sleep, and you could begin to cut the sexual tension with a knife. We continued the discussion from that morning regarding dating, girls, etc. We were both virgins. The conversation then progressed to "touchy-feely" topics like feelings, our friendship, and how quickly we had become so close, and how we both felt that we could share anything with one another. It was obvious that we were both steering the conversation in the same direction. We then started talking about masturbation - admitting to each other that we both did it. I remember saying that I felt so comfortable with him, I could probably masturbate in front of him.
Bingo! He took the bait and suggested we do it. I remember pulling the covers back - I'm sure it was at lightning speed - but felt like it was in slow motion - and watching him do the same. We both pulled our undies down to our knees - I remember as I saw his cock come into view. It was probably around 6.5 inches, and appeared straight as an arrow. We are both cut. My heart was beating so loud, I'm sure he could hear it. I remember watching his technique - which was slightly different to mine. I put my whole palm around my cock and stroked back and forth - he just used his thumb and forefinger. It didn't take me long before I came all over my chest and stomach. To my disappointment, he took a Kleenex, and came into it. He would later tell me that the reason he did that was because he was so aroused, he thought his shot would hit the wall behind him and that would have embarrassed him.
We cleaned up, and got back into our beds - but were clearly still not ready to call it a night. We talked about what had just happened - we both felt good about it, and told each other that we now felt even closer to each other. The conversation somehow turned to our cocks. I believe it was me - I commented that mine curves to the right - yet his is straight. Was I normal? I pulled down my undies again and showed him He responded by telling me that everyone curves one way, or the other, and that he curves up. He then showed me his again. I said, "Really?. It looks perfectly straight to me - I thought you were curving it up as you were stroking it". To which he responded, "no - it curves - I can't straighten it. Come over and see for yourself". Well, I didn't have to be asked twice. I got out of bed - went over to his bed - and felt his cock. He felt mine. Enough electricity to light the hotel must have passed through our bodies at that time, because the next thing I remember was lying on top of him, the two of us locked in a passionate embrace, our cocks grinding against each other's, and kissing so hard that I could have taken out his tonsils with my tongue. I actually remember feeling his teeth pressing against mine - we wee trying to inhale one another so much. And then, even though it had only been about 10 minutes since our first orgasms, we exploded simultaneously all over and between our stomachs. We then lay in each other-s arms not saying anything for a while - I don't remember how long - but it was a feeling like none other that I had ever felt before. We told each other that we loved each other. I eventually went back into my bed, and we went to sleep - because we had to get up early the next morning to pick up Brad #1 from the airport. Of course, once Brad #1 arrived, we had to act as normal as possible)
The next night in the hotel room, Brad #1 slept in a cot on the other side of me. After it appeared that Brad #1 was asleep - Brad #2 and I found each other's hands in the dark across the gap between our beds, and started caressing each other. We then leaned across even more - and kissed. We then put our hands under the others' covers - pulled each others' cocks out of our undies, and jerked each other off - trying to be as quiet as possible. I have always wondered if Brad #1 was awake, and if he was, could he have known anything funny was going on?
We went home the next night. Nothing more happened for the rest of that trip.
About a week later, we were baby-sitting my younger sister at my house - we were meant to be doing school work - but after she went to sleep, we kissed and jerked each other off again. I loved kissing him. He had the sweetest breath.
A week after that - we were baby-sitting his younger brothers - and the same thing happened - only I remember that time he asked me if I had ever sucked a cock. Of course I hadn't - I had never done anything with anyone other than him. I asked him the same thing - he hadn't - and we offered our cocks to each other. I remember he sucked mine first - it felt incredible. He sucked just for a minute - I didn't cum. Then I sucked his - I remember he wasn't completely hard. I think he was really scared that this was making him gay - even though every time we brought up the subject, we would assure each other that this didn't mean we were gay - just experimenting.
Our escapades ended about a week after that, when we went away again for a couple of nights to look at a college he was interested in in another city. His dad was going there on a business trip, and we all went together. His dad stayed in one room, and we in another. When it was time for bed - I wanted to fool around - but he didn't want to. I thought that he was starting to feel very guilty about what we were doing. What I would figure out years later, when he came out - was that he must have been realizing at that point that he was gay, and was fighting it (as opposed to me, who I now realize, was just denying it). I know he felt bad, but he eventually, reluctantly, gave me a pity cuddle and jerk, and then we went to sleep in our own beds. - After that - his attitude changed completely. We barely said a word to each other on the plane home. He became very distant from me. For a while he started to hang out with some of my friends without me, although in time we did become friends again, but never the same. I was very hurt for a while - but got over it.
We never discussed what happened, except for briefly in passing a few years later when he told me he was gay, and told me that what had happened didn't mean I was. We both left the city we were living in then - but coincidentally have ended up living in the same place now (as does Brad #1) We see each other from time to time - he knows my wife, and will come over for holiday dinners sometimes. I often wonder if he even remembers what happened. He often tells me he doesn't remember things that happened in high school.
That was my only experience with a man. I have been married for over 20 years, and don't plan on ruining the life I have by having a casual encounter with some man, so it will probably remain my only encounter. It is with immense pain and guilt that I carry around these secrets, and wish it wasn't so. But the last thing I want to do, is to hurt the people around me whom I love.
Ton-Ton - thank you for letting me share my secrets with you. You are the only one who knows the real me. You have helped me and have had a bigger impact on my life than you can possibly realize. You have shown me how to be proud of who I am, rather than ashamed. I love you.