Hey guys! In this installment, I was honestly thinking about setting him up as a male prostitute...well, actually that was Lauren's thought. I've got the log! (And proof!) So...there! ;)
Hum, you know the drill. The following is a work of gay fiction...I am not in anyway, shape, or form, trying to portray the sexuality of the BSB or any celebrities herein...
If you are underage for where you are, you shouldn't be here. If you are offended by homosexual material...what are you doing here? ::raises a brow::
Also! Keep an eye out for the followings stories: "Lance in Shining Armour" by our favorite Sco, (Scotty T), "Brian and Me" by D! (DLS), "Twist of Fate" by Goof...Jeff), "Lucky Me" by our lovely Lauren! My adorable surrogate sister! :), "Separate Lives" by Chris ;) amd finally, "Busta!" by our lovely little surrogate sis Yuli! ::Huggles you all:: Thanks for writing! And I enjoy ALL of your stories.
Also, I'd like to apologize for the long wait. All of my fans, (like I've got any) had to wait for this chapter, and it is a little bit dry..if not a little..moist. (I think it's too damned mushy! That's what I think.)
Oh! I'd like to thank all my readers..and most importantly: David! David from Nifty Archive ;) If it wasn't for him putting up with my forgetting to attach the file..::Blushes three shades of red:: Just my stupidity ;) Welp! Here's the good stuffs ;)
Oh! Email me! Please? ::looks all desperate:: Tornarius@hotmail.com and pettine@juno.com ;) ::hugs:: thanks ;)
Chapter 6 :) Of Bradley's New Beginning By Fred ;)
I was afraid. I was afraid of relationships. I never had a real one after Chrystal. I shouldn't have hardened my heart. I should have given myself over to the love I felt for Brian. I was afraid of that love, however. I was afraid of it because it happened so fast. I've known these people for about two days. I already loved one, trusted three, and acknowledged one. Kevin and I barely got along, and we needed to have a long talk soon. Howie and I got along. AJ and I got along, and I was falling for Brian. I didn't want to! Lord, I didn't want to. But I was nonetheless. I was falling for Brian. And I was falling hard.
The guys all barged into the bathroom throwing questions at me. Finally I shushed them and let out a little snarl.
"Okay," I said, "One at a time." They all got quiet and looked over at me. Then all four of them started back up again. Brian let out a little agitated sigh and I couldn't help but laugh. "Quiet!" I said with amusement. Amazingly, everyone got quiet. "All right." I said with a little humor, "Kevin, you can start."
After a moment of thinking, he tilted his head. "When did you guys get back?"
"About thirty minutes ago." I replied, "Next question; Nick." Nick smiled and pretended to think about it.
"What was this whole thing about?" Nick said softly, look up from his shoes and into my eyes. 'Dear god,' I thought, 'Don't let him see me flinch.'
"Um," I sighed, "I had a slight fight with Kevin here...and things are still a little tense." I said semi-truthfully.
"Oh, I thought it was because of," he mumbled something under his breath. I growled softly.
"I didn't hear that." I said with a cocked eyebrow.
"I said, I thought it was because of Brian's sexuality." I froze. He was right, it was because Brian kissed me, but that was hardly a reason. It wasn't a reason; I couldn't blame Brian for acting on his feelings. I felt those same feelings for him.
"No," I said rather forcefully, "No, it wasn't." Nick looked at me for a second but turned his head. Howie sighed softly.
"Guys," Howie said quietly, "Could I talk to Brad alone for a minute?" They all grumbled in answer and left us alone. I raised an eyebrow at Howie's actions and he let out a small smile.
"Um," I said a little fearfully. I didn't like the look he was giving me. "What do you need?"
"Well," I sighed inwardly as he started to explain something. He had this look about him like he was considering telling me something, or just forgetting the whole thing. He leaned against the tiled wall of the bathroom and looked my in the eye, "I wanted to explain to you WHY I acted the way I did when Brian came out...you know the whole story now, right?" I sighed softly.
"Yes. Brian told it to me and I trust him." I let out a little snort. Howie chuckled softly and let out a slight yawn.
"Well," He started, "A friend of mine was gay and he told me. No, it wasn't Brian," He watched my eyes as he told me. I knew I was being judged at that moment, but he watched my eyes. My eyes were locked onto his and he let out a little nervous laugh. I sighed softly. "Um, about a few weeks after he told me he was gay, he got sick. Real sick." I tried to force myself to stop looking in his eyes but somehow, some unstoppable force insisted that I watch his reaction. "We went to every doctor we could, and finally he decided to take an AIDS test." Howie's eyes glazed over and I knew that mine would to, any moment. "The test came back positive and two weeks later he killed himself." Howie finally gave in and broke down. I stood up and put my arms around him. He wasn't Howie, from the Backstreet Boys, he was a friend in need. I haven't known these guys for very long, but I did know that I trusted at least three of them. At least three.
"Shh," I said as Howie sobbed against my chest. "So what you're saying is, that when Brian told you he was gay, that it was just a defense thing that set you off?" He nodded against my chest and I reached for some toilet paper. He pulled back and I wiped his eyes and giggled softly. "You look like a raccoon." I said with a laugh. I ran some warm water and grabbed a washcloth. With a small smile, I washed Howie's face and made him look somewhat presentable. "Ready?" He nodded and I opened the door. Four sets of eyes were staring back.
"What?" Howie said a little forcefully. The guys just stared back. I blinked uncomfortably.
"Brian? Can we go talk? And Howie, talk to these guys?" He nodded and I pulled Brian out to the front porch. We stood there a moment and I glanced over the landscape and watched as a small avalanche of snow fell off the roof of the old abandoned church.
"It's beautiful." He said softly. His breath showing in the cold air. I laughed softly and put my hand over his. I loved him...I admitted it. But why can't I admit it to Brian? I looked over at Brian and he looked back.
"Talk to Howie." I said softly, not wanting to break the moment. He nodded and reached for my hand. I let him take it and intertwine his fingers with mine.
"I take pleasure in your company." He said softly. That did it. I couldn't help it; I cracked up laughing.
"Brian!" I said between laughs, "That has got to be the most corniest thing I have ever heard." He looked at me a minute and cracked up himself. Finally, we calmed down a little bit and he released my hand.
"I guess that was a little corny." He said with a chuckle. I nodded and smiled. He sighed softly.
"What was that little talk about?"
"What talk?" I said with a raised eyebrow.
"The talk between you and Howie. Howie looked like he was crying..." I sighed softly.
"That's why I told you to talk to Howie. He's going to tell you." Brian nodded and I stood in front of him. Before I knew what was going on, I leaned down and kissed him. It was soft and sensual. Our lips felt like they were meant to be together. I sighed as he put his arms around me and I melted in his embrace. When the kiss ended, I looked in his eyes and saw compassion.
"I'm sorry." I whispered. He mumbled something inaudible as he looked away from me. I sighed softly and moved away from him. Brian looked at me a second.
"I can't." He whispered. They slashed through my heart and I just stood there dumbfounded.
"Why...?" Was all I could get out before he collapsed on the porch in a heap of sobs. I ran over to him and hugged him close, rocking him back and forth. He just cried in my arms and started to sniffle. "You're going to catch a cold." I said softly. He nodded and stood up. He was a little weak at the knees at first, but he gained a little strength and walked inside the little hallway. "I'll catch up with you guys later. I've got thinking to do." I said as I started down the stairs toward the post office. At the post office there was this big ebony bench. It was comfortable and it overlooked the main road so you could see the oncoming traffic, not only that, but you could just sit there and think, and not be disturbed. I used to go there often. I loved it! It was always a good place to go and think. And that's what I needed to do, right now; To think.
What was going on with Brian and I? I had feelings for him, he said he had feelings for me. Then I let everything go and kiss him, and he says he can't? My god what was I going to do!
I arrived at the bench and sat down. I put my head in my hands and watched as a single teardrop fell on my shoe sadly. I let out a little sniffle and soon a few sobs. After a few minutes of being by myself, I heard footsteps come closer to me and then pass me. Soon afterward, I heard them again. But this time they stopped near me and I could help but yelp out loud when someone placed their hand on my shoulder. I looked up into clear blue eyes and let out a little sob.
"I can't believe I did that." My captor smiled. He not only stole my body, but he also captured my soul. "Hey," He said as I looked away from his eyes. "Look at me." I complied and looked into those blue eyes again. "Don't worry. I understand you now. I think." I sighed softly and blinked back the tears. "I understand what you were going through when you said that you couldn't have a relationship. But I think we could get through it. Please?" He looked in my eyes. I could help but lean over and kiss his forehead.
"I don't know." I whispered. "I do have feelings for you. But I'm also afraid, you know? I don't want to be hurt; I've had enough pain. Maybe for my own selfish reasons...but I overcame my fear. I may've been selfish, but I want you now. That might make me selfish, even more so then not having you, but if I ever have you..." I sighed softly. He smiled and looked at me.
"That's sweet and all. But you and I need time to think. This has all been happening too fast, you know? I've never fallen in love so fast, before. Have you?" I laughed softly and shook my head.
"I've never fallen in love before, period. Have you?" He nodded softly.
"A while ago, it's a long story and was all a mistake. It wasn't real love, but it was puppy love. It hurt just as much, though." I sighed and put my hand on his. He smiled a small smile and sat down next to me.
"The guys are probably getting worried. And we've got a lot to talk about." He nodded slowly.
"Oh! That reminds me," He said with a smile. "I talked to Howie." I nodded.
"Oh? What'd he say?"
"He told me about his friend." I nodded as he told me what Howie had said. I had already heard all this before and so it wasn't news to me. I let out a loud yawn after he finished talking and we just stared at the landscape.
"Brian?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah, Brad?"
"What's going to happen between us?" I sighed softly and anxiously awaited the answer.
"Whatever happens, happens. You know?" I nodded slowly and stood up.
"Let's go." I said as I stretched a little bit.
He stood up and looked up into my eyes. I sighed softly and looked away. I heard Brian sigh and start walking, I just stood there as he walked around me toward my house. I followed quietly and thought about what's been going on.
Brian and I kissed. Granted, it wasn't the best, but it was my first...real kiss. Sure, there was Chrystal. And sure, we did kiss...but they weren't like this. I've never had a kiss like this. Sure, I was 19...but I was still a virgin. I strayed away from relationships. I went through therapy and all that fun stuff during High School. I told my therapist, or psychiatrist or whatever the hell she was; that I was Bisexual. Big mistake on my part. Before she would blame my temper for all my problems, then after I told her I was bisexual, she blamed that. "Maybe it's your sexuality? Maybe it's..." and I got tired of it. I can't really blame anyone or myself for what's been going on, just that I've had a lot of problems. I agree that, that is no excuse. But it's human nature to blame someone, right? I don't know...
These thoughts ran through my mind as I walked home. I noticed that the snow was melting a little bit, and we should be able to drive out in the morning. 'Hopefully,' I thought, 'I could keep in touch with some of them.' I sighed softly and shook my head. Brian turned around and looked at me.
"I hate this." He said loudly. "I hate this!" He screamed as loud as he could. He ran up to me and hugged me. "I hate this." He whispered in my ear as he hugged me tightly. I put my arms around him and rested my head in the crook of his neck.
"So do I. Why can't we just get over it and try something?" I said softly. He shrugged against me and hugged me.
"Because we're both afraid." He said softly, after a few minutes of silence. I nodded and tightened my hold on him.
"Let's go home." I whispered in his ear. He nodded and looked up at me with tear streaked eyes. I leaned down and kissed him. He sniffled lightly and grabbed my hand. I nodded to his unspoken question. He turned around, held my hand tightly, and we walked home.
When we had finally managed to reach the steps outside my house we hugged one last time. With a regretful sigh, we started up the steps. When we were halfway up, Kevin opened the hallway door and looked out at us. Nodding slowly, he shut the door and went back inside the house. He and I would have a talk later, but now...I had to talk to Brian.
"What's going to happen, tomorrow?" I said softly. He shrugged and looked up at me. "You guys will be leaving tomorrow, huh?" He shook his head.
"No, we still have two weeks left of vacation. Last night Kevin called everyone and told them things were tied up at the moment. And that we'd see them before February." I nodded slowly.
"So we've got some time together?" He nodded and hugged me. I sighed softly and squeezed his hand.
"Kevin saw us." I said as he nodded.
"I know. But he respects my privacy. He won't say anything to the other guys, except maybe to Howie. And Howie knows what's going on."
"Nick and AJ don't." I pointed out. He nodded and chuckled.
"We have to tell them something." Brian said softly. I nodded.
"But what is there to tell?" I said in a small voice. Brian looked up at me and refused to break eye contact. I sighed and kissed him.
"Nothing. Let's just go in there as if nothing happened. If someone brings it up, we'll tell them the truth." I nodded thoughtfully.
"What is the truth?" I asked. He sighed softly.
"I have no idea." He sighed again and I squeezed his hand.
"Don't worry." I said softly, "Don't worry. Everything will work out in the end. Won't it?"
"I wish I knew." He said softly. I had no idea why, but at that moment the song "Kiss From a Rose" popped in my head. With a sigh, I turned around and faced the church. I cleared my throat softly and began to sing.
"There used to be a graying tower alone on the sea, you became the light on the dark side of me. Love remained a drug that's the high and not the pill. But did you know? That when it snows, my eyes become large and the light that you shine can be seen." Brian moved behind me as I finished off the chorus. He put his arms around me and sang softly in my ear.
"Baby, I compare you to a kiss from a rose on the gray. Kiss from a rose on the gray. Ooh, the more I get of you, ooh..."
"Stranger it feels, yeah." I sighed softly and leaned into him as he sang in my ear. "And now that your rose is in bloom, a light hits the gloom on the gray." I stood up with his arms still wrapped around me and sang the second verse.
"There is so much a man can tell you. There's so much he can say, there's so much inside, you remain..." And in unison we sang.
"My power, my pleasure, my pain!" Brian went quiet as I finished off the last chorus.
"To me you're like a growing addiction that I can't deny, yeah, won't you tell me is this healthy, baby? But did you know, that when it snows..." My eyes started to tear up as I sang the rest of the song. Brian's hold on me tightened as I turned around and kissed his lips. He looked shocked for a moment but returned the kiss. When I came up for air, the tears in my eyes vanished and I hugged him tight. Brian looked up into my eyes and sighed.
"Brad." He said softly as he leaned in to rest his head against my chest. I raised an eyebrow.
"Hmm?" I said softly. He shook his head against my chest.
"Nothing." He said as he dug his head against my chest. I smiled at him and rested my arms around him.
"Brian?" I said with a slight yawn. He let out a little noise against my chest. "Brian, let's go." He sighed and pushed himself away from me.
"Must we?" He said with a grin. I laughed softly.
"I've got to talk to Kevin about us. And I think Nick has a right to know about what's going on, you know." I said with a little smile. Brian sighed softly.
"Why? Let's leave him in the dark."
"You are a sick, sadistic little boy." I said with a laugh.
"Who are you calling little?" He said raising an eyebrow. "I'm older than you."
"But I'm bigger." I said with a little mischievous grin. Brian looked at me for a second and started to laugh. I shook my head softly and started to walk inside the hallway. "Coming?" I said with a raised eyebrow. Brian laughed softly and ran next to me.
"So what're we telling the guys?" Brian said seriously. I thought about this for a minute.
"The same thing we're telling ourselves." I nodded. He punched my arm playfully.
"Seriously!" He said with a grin. I sighed softly.
"Everything we know?"
"Which is...?" He said with amusement.
"Absolutely nothing."
"Honestly?" He said furrowing his brow. I nodded.
"You and I haven't talked about it." He nodded. "So we don't know anything." He nodded again and opened the door.
"Time for oblivion." I smiled at his sardonic humor. As soon as we enter Kevin shot us a weird look and then he smiled warmly. Howie's face lit up, as did AJ's. Nick just gave us a little look and went back to watching TV. I sighed as I sat down next to AJ on the couch.
"What were you two doing?" AJ said with a grin. I laughed softly and jabbed at his ribs with my finger.
"Trying to figure out If'n I ever plan on fixing you guys dinner."
"Did he just say 'If'n?'" Kevin asked with a wry smile. I laughed softly.
"If'n you don't stop making fun of the way I talk, I'm gonna shove my foot up your ass." I said with a smirk. Brian leaned against the doorway to the kitchen and Kevin gave me a weird look.
"Did he just threaten me?" Kevin asked in mock surprised. Kevin looked at AJ and AJ just grinned.
"You're going to get it now." AJ said with a laugh. I blinked innocently.
"Yes. I said I'm going to kick your sorry ass if'n you don't shush." I said with a laugh. Kevin grinned and leaned down.
"Oh?" He said with mock superiority, "You are, are you?" I nodded.
"I am."
"Well then." He said as he lunged after me on the couch. I laughed as I easily dodged him. AJ got up and stood next to Brian as Nick moved the coffee table. Kevin recovered quicker than I thought and grabbed my foot. He dragged me from the couch to the floor and proceeded to try and twist my foot. I laughed and twisted with it and grabbed his arm.
Kevin then jumped up and put me in a headlock. I put my arms behind my head and pulled him over me. His head went in my crotch and his ass went up in the air. Brian laughed softly and left to go to the bathroom. With a grin, Kevin grabbed my stomach and we twisted around until he was bouncing on my crotch and I was lying on my back. While he was bouncing, Brian came into the room.
"Oh. My. Gosh." Brian said looking at Kevin and I. Kevin stopped bouncing and raised an eyebrow. Quickly, AJ grabbed the camera off of the entertainment center and snapped three quick pictures. I blinked innocently and Kevin finally understood what it looked like. Turning three shades of red, he ran for the couch and hid behind a hand. I started to laugh as Brian helped me up.
"That had to be the most interesting wrestling match I've ever seen." AJ said as he put the coffee table back in place.
"We have GOT to get this film developed." Brian said with a grin. I started to laugh and protest but Kevin beat me to it.
"No! Could you imagine what would happen if those got to the public? And to think, I'm not gay." Kevin started to chuckle to himself. I shook my head.
"You sure? You sure seemed to be enjoying yourself, you were bouncing..." Howie said walking in from the kitchen. I blinked up from my spot.
"How long have you been in the kitchen?" I said with a raised eyebrow. Howie let out a laugh.
"Long enough to know that Kevin was having too much fun bouncing on you." I turned red and grinned at him.
"I think our friend Brad, here, was having fun. I felt something poking me." I turned even redder and started to protest. It was, I think, my belt buckle.
"It was my belt buckle!"
"Yeah, how sure are you about that?" Kevin said with a raised eyebrow. I blushed even redder and Brian started to laugh.
"Stop blushing. You might not have any blood left for the other head." Nick said as he walked in from the kitchen. I let out another groan.
"How much have you seen?" I said with a grin. Brian chuckled softly.
"He saw it all." Nick nodded. I laughed and tried to will away another blush. But it didn't happen; I blushed. Kevin started to crack up and AJ smiled a little.
"Well," I said glancing at my watch. "It's 10:30. No doubt work is going to call me in tomorrow, so I'm off to get some sleep on my loving bed. You guys are welcome to any sleeping arrangements you want. All right?" They nodded and I disappeared into my room. Once my door was shut, I slumped against it and thought about Brian and I.
'What about us? Is there an 'us?' I thought while I leaned against the closed door. 'What's going to happen? Are we going to get together? Will we make it? What about when they leave? What's going to happen?' My mind reeled with thoughts that I didn't bother to think about all day. I sighed softly and lay down on my bed. Willing the thoughts away, I closed my eyes and fell into a fitful sleep.
The next morning I was awakened by my phone ringing. With a loud groan, I answered it.
"Hey!" Melissa said with a bubbly laugh. I let out a loud groan.
"It's you." I said rather dryly. She laughed again.
"Yes. It's me. Who'd you expect? God?" I blinked and thought up a nasty comment. But instead I kept it rather sweet.
"Honey! You know me, I AM god." She laughed.
"You? God? I ain't getting on my knees for you."
"Dear, I wouldn't want you to." We both started laughing and I heard someone knock on my door.
"Who is it?" I called.
"Kevin."
"Come in." I said, then into the phone, "When do you want me?"
"Never in your life time." She laughed softly. "But seriously, how about noon?" I thought about this. I'd probably be able to make it there and the guys would be leaving soon...
"Sure. That'll do." I said with conviction. After we said our good-byes and farewells, we hung up. Putting my hands in my lap, I did a little bounce on the bed and looked at Kevin.
"Hey...can we talk?" He said in a low voice. I nodded and motioned for him to sit down. He shut the door and sat on the bed in front of me. "Look. I'm sorry about the attitude I gave you the other day. I was worried about Brian and I thought you might have said something. And then I see you two holding hands and walking up the stairs, I don't know what to think." He sighed. I started to say something but he shushed me with a finger to my lips. "I was honestly very worried about him. You and I haven't had a chance to just hang out and talk. I have no idea what you're like. And you probably have no idea what any of us are like, save Brian." I nodded thoughtfully. "And, I'd like it very much if you'd tell me what's going on between you and Brian." I looked at him for a moment and sighed.
"I'd love to answer that, Kevin. But I can't. You see..." I started to say something but stopped. Who was I to say what was going on between Brian and I without consulting him first? Who was I to say whether or not we were going out...who was I to say? What should I say? What should I do? Lord, I was so confused. I sighed softly and looked into Kevin's eyes. "I have no idea what's going on between Brian and I. I really like him, I do. But we haven't talked about it at all and I have absolutely no idea." Kevin looked at me a moment and nodded. As if sensing the truth. I patted his shoulder. "You should go, I've got to get ready for work. Unless you want free peep show." Kevin laughed softly.
"The guys are asleep still. Mind if I come with you?" I looked at him a moment and thought about Melissa.
"Do you mind having a full grown woman running up to you and asking you if you would father her child?" He shook his head. "Well then find something to wear in my closet and we'll go. On the way back maybe we could stop at the mall and pick up some clothes for the guys?" Kevin nodded thoughtfully and grinned.
"All right. I'll see you in thirty minutes out by the car." With that, he left and went into the spare bedroom to find some clothes.
By time I was all showered and ready, two of the other guys had waken up. Nick and AJ grinned at me as they sipped their cups at the kitchen table.
"You and Kevin finally going to have that talk?" I nodded softly.
"In the car on the way there, and while I'm in the office." He nodded thoughtfully and then suddenly grinned.
"He's going to interrogate you. Now that the feelings between you and Brian are out in the open." I laughed softly.
"I wouldn't expect anything less." 'No,' I thought, 'No, I shouldn't expect anything less.'