How many stories are on this site? I've been reading these stories every night for almost two months now, and on and off before that. I don't know what's come into me, but I've become obsessed. I am fascinated by the same story retold by countless authors, in incredibly ornate and complex settings. Perhaps it's because I've never experienced these things for myself.
Don't get me wrong; I have done my fair share of frowned upon activities. I can hold my liquor, keep up my side of a fight, and I've even been high once. So I tend to feel my innocence is short lived. I know I'm gay, and have known for quite awhile.
I'm going to attempt to write a story about what I've never done, and only dreamed about. A blind man discussing Picasso, if you will. My lack of experience may leave me shooting in the dark (hm, a pun), but we'll see how successful I am at it.
To give a point of reference from where I'm coming from, I should probably give a description of myself. I am 5 foot 9, weigh one hundred and forty five pounds, have blond hair, blue eyes, and accidentally joined a gym class which consequently has kept not but an ounce of fat on me. I am 18 almost 19, and am generally considered cute by most who see me. To my credit, I have had undying love professed to me three times by girls who really don't know me, but think they did. Isn't that fun? In case you couldn't tell, I just rolled my eyes.
That's enough for an introduction.
If you are offended by anything I am about to write, I HIGHLY recommend finding a different website. That stated:
I've always liked the names Jason and Sean.
A New Boy Named Sean.. Part 1
I had a stupid grin on my face that wouldn't go away, I was abnormally quiet, and paranoid as hell. Oh, the thoughts that went through my head that night were beyond anything I could have dreamed. When I took a shower, and finally had some time to myself, I felt like running in circles, jumping for joy, and screaming to the world, `HA, I did it!' This of course wasn't possible, and not because the floor space of my bathroom wasn't adequate enough to facilitate these activities. It was still a secret. It was my unknown, defining characteristic, my secret joy, and most importantly, it was MINE. And so is he.
I wanted nothing more than to stay with him, but aside from brute force, there was little I could do. The expression on his face, the smell of his hair, I loved it all. I want him here, by my side; right here, right now, and it causes me real pain that he isn't. The smell of his skin as I kissed his shoulder blade, it all drove me past rationality, and almost into an unknown madness. It was his smile that kept me sane, that sly smile, and the voice that emitted from it. But that's just skipping ahead.
I didn't scare myself until that night when I realized I would do anything for him. It's a terrifying thought if you've never experienced it before, and likely just as bad if you do it again. And as one terrifying thought leads to another, the last thing I remember thinking before I fell asleep that night was, "How long can this last?"
I woke up the next morning, flew out of bed, and brought my fist down as hard as I could on my alarm clock. This would normally cause the clock permanent damage, but seeing as it was only a little over a second after blissful sleep, I was pretty harmless. I always wake up this way. I placed my alarm clock across the room hoping the distance I had to travel would wake me up in the morning. All it really did was cause me to fly out of bed every morning and attempt to destroy the dam clock before I realize where I am, and what the reason I had my sleep disturbed was. As you may have gathered, I am by no means a morning person, and my alarm clock has the cracks to prove it.
I normally prevent myself from falling prey to the warm and incredibly soft bed which would love none other than to have me fall back asleep in its covers, but when thought began to return to me about the day before, what could I do be lay down and reminisce? And besides, it was 6:30 and I have an hour and fifteen minutes to be at school.
I closed my eyes for a second and pictured him in my mind. He's gorgeous. Kind of long blond hair on the top, short on the sides, a skinny but fair build, and the blue eyes I adore. Every slight blemish of skin blurred out of existence in his reserved corner of my mind.
I opened my eyes and sat up. I was suddenly confused by the brightness of my room. I blinked a few times and focused on the clock. 10:49. "Aw, crap" I murmured aloud, "Three hours late to school" I considered my options, and figured as long as I was already that late, what was one more hour? I again closed my eyes, and woke up at 11:37 according to the clock. I figured I should get ready for school, and after making sure I was alone in the house, I got ready for and went to school. I got there a little before first lunch, and appreciated the irony of coming to school just in time for lunch.
I still had a grin on my face and all my friends knew something was up, but I refused to tell them anything. I figured they needn't know more about what they didn't already know. I suddenly needed to see and be with Sean. I knew he was in his math class, and knowing nothing short of bursting into the class and proclaiming my undying love for him would do, I resolved I would only have to make it through my physics class and the rest of lunch before I would see him.
Physics wasn't anything more than boring, and the teacher left me alone to whatever I wanted to do after the day I explained how a sphere would exist in a fifth physical dimension to him. Spheres upon spheres upon spheres with a decrease in size the further they existed from the largest 3 dimensional sphere. Or better put, A sphere with length, width, height, layers, and layers within layers. So I had a class to sleep or do my homework in, but today I needed neither. I already did plenty of the first and had no idea what I had for homework in the classes I missed.
The bell rang, and split second of hate and need to destroy the speaker passed through me. I was always reminded of my alarm clock by the bell to go to class. Oh well, time to go to my computer class. I wasn't really part of the class, but I was enrolled in it anyway. I already knew how to network in Windows 98and so did Sean, so we did whatever the teacher needed us to do that day, or I just played half-life with Sean. Today however, we were supposed to go back over to his house, and there isn't much of anything else that I'm going to do today.
I got there, I waited for Sean to arrive. I tried to be patient, but I haven't seen him since nine o'clock yesterday night. I was looking anxiously over the heads of everyone I could, but Sean was nowhere to be seen. I wasn't really concerned until the flow of people started to dwindle. `Where is he?' I wondered.
Finally the bell rang, and I went into the class hoping I had somehow missed him, and hoping he was waiting for me inside. No such luck. I suddenly turned into an emotional wreck, and forcing a calm and quiet appearance, I asked as tactfully as I could if anyone had seen him, and that's when I heard he hadn't shown up to any of his classes.
Fear. It attacked me mercilessly, flowed through my veins, and I was NOT going to wait for an answer to my questions that no one here could answer. I told the teacher I was going to see my counselor, and instead went and called his cell followed by his house. No answer to both. My mind raced, wondering where he was. Why didn't he answer his phone? His parents wouldn't be at his house, so they wouldn't have answered, but where else would he be but at his house or school? Leaving my backpack behind in the class and outrunning a screaming behemoth of a security guard, I sped off to his house in record time.
His car was there.
Why hadn't he answered his phone?
What was the matter?
Should I go to the door?
I parked the car on the curb and debated what to do. Ok, what do I know? I know he's the most gorgeous boy I'd ever laid eyes on. I know he didn't answer his phone. Was it something I'd done? NO, I need to focus. What do I know? He wasn't in his classes this morning and last night was the best night of my life. He wasn't in any of his classes today. He hadn't gone to school. He didn't go to school today, and that could only mean there is something wrong. Was it something I said, or did? I Didn't want to leave him last night, I wanted nothing more to hold him close to me and stay there for all of forever. What had I done? Maybe it was something I didn't do. I realized I lost focus and stared at the house instead. Nothing. No flutter of curtains, no smoke from the chimney, nothing. His car is here.
My heart started pounding as I gathered what was left of my courage and started toward the house. `He isn't here' I told myself. He went to the doctor's office with his mother or to the dentist. I rang the doorbell. He may have fallen and needed some stitches and left to fast to get his phone. Nothing. Maybe it was his mother who had fallen. I looked into the window beside the door. I saw a figure duck behind a wall.
"SEAN!" I screamed. "Open the door, it's me."
I rang the doorbell again, and tried the doorknob. No luck. I stood there defeated. Why didn't he answer the door? I sat down against his door and started to cry. What had I done?
To my amazement, the doorknob turned and the door slowly swung open. I dashed to my feat, and went inside.
"Sean, what's wrong? Is it something I did? Why didn't' you answer the phone?" My questions flowed to fast for hum to answer any of them. I saw the world crashing before my eyes, and I felt helpless and I was somehow to blame.
His head was hanging, and in a meek and barely audible voice, he said, "I, I got kind of. . . scared. I woke up this morning, and remembered I've never been with a guy before. I've never really wanted to, I'd never even thought about it until I met you. But then, when I kissed you... I..." he faltered. "I don't know... I..."
My heart melted. I stood there with my mouth open and I knew that from that moment on there would be no separating us. I went to him. I held him in my arms, as I was in his.
"I love you too. I love you with all that I am and all that I will be. You are a part of me just the same as my heart, or lungs. I don't know what I'd do without you."
All things rational faded from my body.
If you have any comments of suggestions, please feel free to e-mail me at Brian33a@hotmail.com