Walking like this reminded me of how it all started.
I was walking along the beach almost a week ago and it was a complete fluke that I was here, others might call it divine providence. Either way, when I won a spring break vacation out of every kid in my high school, I was floored. Two people, out of every school with in a twenty-five mile radius of one of the local fortune-500s, were chosen to go on a trip to the company's newest condo. In the process of being built the condo was the company's newest way to make money and this was their marketing scheme; market to the public while testing the facilities for cheap.
When our names were announced over every type of mass media in the city, I leaped with glee for about a moment, until I heard the second name on the list from my school. Zach Haven, the most attractive jack-ass I had ever met. He was short and thin, with spiky reddish brown hair, and cheekbones that could slice bread. His eyes were piercing dark blue, cobalt. Despite all of his incredibly striking features, you couldn't get past his mouth.
The first time I met him was in middle school, and we were decent bus friends. He was actually younger than me so I never saw him in school. But as we progressed into high school, we did begin to see each other and his true colors began to show. He began to target me as his new favorite person to try and bully. He couldn't bully me physically, because I had about five inches on him and a reputation for being good with my hands in a fight, so he attempted to bully me mentally. He thought that one worded jeers were sufficient to break me down, but in the end he gave up. After about a year of no attempts from him I conceded to the fact that he had given up for good, but I couldn't help but to focus on him whenever I saw him. There was a fear and sadness in his eyes that his face couldn't hide.
The bus trip to the beach place was one of the longest, all I had to do was read and try and drown out the nothingness. I couldn't stand reading or doing anything without some kind of sound going on and I had taken this opportunity to forget my MP3 player at home. So reading wasn't work well for me. At one point I glanced over to the seat next to me and noticed the sharp cheek bones and glossy blue eyes looking at me. Zach snapped his head back down when he noticed me turning to look, and I glared at him in an attempt to fend off any on coming attacks.
The bus rumbled into the parking lot of a condo like set up with what seemed to be four separate condo sections.
"Jared Parks?" I looked up at my name and walked to the man who had said it. He handed me a card key and told me that the bus would be back on Friday to pick us up.
Walking up to the front door I slid my card in and the light flashed green, letting me into the condo that was to be mine and someone else's for an entire week. Kitchen and living room with two bedrooms upstairs this place would easily cost someone a pretty penny for the week. I turned as I heard the door click and looked into those same sharp blue eyes, and rolled my own. Apparently they had assigned us condos based off the school we came from.
I moved to the bedroom upstairs that I was going to use and dropped my bag on one of the two beds in there. I was slowly unpacking my clothes and things when there was a knock at the door.
"Looks like we are bunking together buddy." The voice was smug and calm. I turned coolly and gave him the best uncaring face I could.
"There is another room right there." I gestured across the hall.
"Yea... but no beds." He said losing his smile.
"Whatever." I dropped the stuff on my bag, grabbing my trunks and towel, heading out to the beach.
"Going to the beach?" He asked me as I turned to pass him out the door.
"Nope." I said sarcastically.
I nearly jumped the last few stairs and burst out the door. The air was crisp with the smell of salt, a freshness mixing in that only meant wind from the ocean was rushing around me. It was a smell that I treasured, and one that I tried to keep locked in my thoughts for easy access. The beach calmed me; it was a muse to my thoughts and a sedative to my heart. The beach was directly behind the buildings we were in, and it struck me how incredibly lucky that we few students were. I decided then that Zach was not going to ruin my Vacation here.
The beach was soft white sand, sand that burned your feet as you walked on it, forcing you to find shade or water. There were reclining chairs with permanent umbrellas; this was clearly meant to be a semi-private section of beach. I noticed a few other people, as young as myself meandering between the water and the chairs; I was not the only one taking advantage of our first day.
Laying my towel out on the chair, I slowly sank myself on it and wound up the umbrella so that I was covered. Closing my eyes, I let the sound of the waves lapping slowly rock me off to sleep. I had not be out long when a briskly cool wind suddenly chilled my body and I snapped awake, looking around slightly disoriented. I was having a half asleep moment as I started off in to the distance of the beach and realized that someone was walking towards me, or towards this part of the beach. He was wearing a pair of somewhat flowing beach pants. White against his tan skin, as my eyes traveled up his body, they seemed to sink deeply into every contour. His shoulders were smooth and slightly defined, and his face was sharp, a very strong face.
As I blinked my eyes, and squinted to focus, I kicked myself. I had nearly been drooling over the smug face of Zach.
When he reached me he smiled at me with what seemed to be a genuine smile. It confused me in that instance, and I almost smiled back, luckily the sun forced me to glare.
"Hey Jared. Want to go for a swim?" He asked softly.
"Huh? I don't understand you." I said.
"Look I'm sorry, high school scared me, more then you may know. I was afraid of what people would think, so I had to act cool and you were just kind of there."
"Wow...direct aren't you."
"Whatever." He said as he stalked away. His apology had touched me though; he knew why I didn't like him very much. In earnest I did like him, I always he had, he enticed me into liking him every time his evil grin spread across his face. It was a deeper pain when his words were filled with venom, because since middle school a little piece of me had fallen in love with him.
I was mulling all this around in my head as I heard someone shout something in my direction.
"Hey! Hey Fag...where did you get your pants?" A big lug from one of the other schools was sitting on a bench surrounded by what seemed to be two sets of people from the other schools. I looked in their direction about to answer when I realized that Zach was standing between us and the big idiot was not talking to me.
"Keep your stupid comments to yourself, jock!" Zach called back strongly.
"Ooo...the fag knows how to talk back. Just hoping to get your mouth around this aren't you." Why did every pig headed jock think gay guys want them? It was when he grabbed his shorts and shook, trying to emphasize his privates, that I nearly chocked laughing.
"I wouldn't touch your baby dick with your boyfriend's mouth." Zach said smoothly. Nice one! I never knew that Zach was such a witty smart-ass. It made me smile as I saw him never budge, even as the big oaf jumped up and walked briskly over to him.
"What did you say, faglet?" His face was inches from Zach's and I saw him shrink back a little.
"I said; why not take a tic-tac once in awhile." Zach was on the ground with blood leaking from his lip before had ever finished his sentence.
"Excuse me, It's isn't really nice or smart to pick on him." I was up and standing next to Zach sooner than I knew what I was doing.
"Go away, this isn't your problem."
"Yes he is, and you don't get to mess with him. Call it school pride." I said.
"I'm warning you."
"That's nice of you, but I'm ignoring it." The ugly brutish excuse of a student balled his fist and swung at me all in one move. They were always predictable! I leaned backwards smoothly and let his had fly by, overbalancing him. I planted my palm in his side right below his arm pit as his arm pulled him around. He fell face first into the sand and jumped up enraged. His swing nearly connected this time but I ducked it and planted a palm right into his stomach. I had to shake my hand to stifle the sudden pain, I had to admit, this guy was fit.
His hand shot out as I stood back up and tried to grab me, the opportunity I had been waiting on. My left shot out and wrapped tightly around his wrist. Bending his hand over behind his back, he dropped to his knees in pure agony.
"I told you, he is my problem. Now leave him alone or I will break this hand off and keep it!" I pushed him and left him panting on his face in the sand. Turning I helped Zach up and offered him my towel for his lip.
"I don't want your help!" he said and turned walking back off to the condo. I didn't think he had a right to be upset with me, not after I just spared him an ass kicking. His pride maybe wounded but why would he get that upset with me. I had always taught to stay rational and calm in all situations, but this was trying my patience. Taking a deep breath I thought for a second, he had tried to be nice, twice. I had completely blown him off like we were still in school; he had even apologized for that. He wasn't upset because I had defended him; he was upset because I was as much of a jack-ass as he was.
Gathering my things I decided to go back to the condo and attempt some damage control, maybe extend my own apology to him. I slid my card-key into the lock and opened the door. He wasn't down stairs so I trekked my way upstairs. Looking around I realized that he wasn't there either. Checking the clock on the stand I realized that it was 5:30, getting toward time for supper. I decided to use some provisions that they had provided for the week, and mix up something easy.
The door clicked open as I stepped on the last stair. Zach and I were as close as we had been in a long time and there was awkwardness about the situation so I moved. I side stepped him and he looked sheepishly toward the ground. I took one more step toward the kitchen and guilt jumped on back, so I turned and looked at him. He was now walking up the stairs, almost oozing depression. His foot hit the second step as my hand reached his shoulder. He shrugged it off and turned to me.
"Look I'm sorry, I have been a jack-ass today and it may have been unprovoked. Well, I'm sorry." I looked into his deep blue eyes and I wanted to walk away. Tears almost swam to my eyes watching as his were glassy with tears.
"No it wasn't, you should hate me...I have been nothing but a jerk to you. I'm the one that should be sorry." He turned to go upstairs, running an arm across his eyes as he did.
"Zach, wait. Would you like something to eat? I was about to see what was in here." I asked hopefully. He stopped on the stair and turned back to look at me. There was a slight smile on his face as he slowly came back down the steps.
As I cooked something from the worst selection of food's and spices ever, Zach sat at the bar talking to me. He was telling me about his family, skimming over the top of every person that was worth mentioning. His mother was somewhat of a drunk, and that was just to deal with his over bearing obsessive father. He was in top physical form because his father emphasized 'he wasn't going to have a pansy as son' and because of the time at the gym his grades were slipping. His mother tried to stay out of the picture, going to work and coming home; she didn't like the fact that Zach was a gym rat.
"And what about you?" I asked slowly, stirring the vegetables and chicken I had sautéing.
"What about me?" He said.
"Well what do you want?" I said pointing the spatula at him playfully. He smiled and looked down at the glass that was sitting between his hands. His fingers slowly played with the glass as he thought about his answer. My eyes slowly followed his skin, flowing smoothly over his knuckles to his wrists, it was the first time that I had ever thought that someone's hands were beautiful. There was a certain grace about his that made me want to touch them.
"Well..." I looked up into his eyes, the beautiful blues, which snapped me out of my thoughts. "...I don't mind the working out thing, but I don't like my dad. He is obsessive about the entire thing, and he always goes off on tangents about the girls I should like. It took me awhile realize that my dad was..." He stood up and walked away toward the living room. I turned the heat down and followed him.
"Zach?"
"...I realized that he was..." He took a deep breath and turned around with light tears in his eyes. "...a judgmental racist, hateful bigot, and a chauvinistic ass hole." He said it all so fast that I had to give myself a second to process what he had said.
"Oh, Zach..." I said as I moved a little closer, he took a deep breath...and then surprisingly smiled.
"That's the first time that I have ever said all of that out loud." He laughed and took another deep breath. His eyes focused on me as they glistened with tears. He looked down as a slight blush creped to his face.
"You know, if nothing else changes after we leave, you can talk to me when we aren't at school if it helps you?" I said graciously. I was risking my own humility at school, but if it meant keeping him in my life one way or another, it would be worth it.
"Things will change; it's about time that I had a friend that I could trust. Sometimes I feel like I secretly hate my friends, a little bit of paranoia." He said with a confused look on his face.
"That's understandable I guess, not that I'm interrupting you but why don't we continue this conversation over dinner." I smiled and turned to go back to the kitchen. I felt it before I realized what happened; his arms quickly reached around mine and hugged me.
"Sorry." He said as he let go. I was laughing as I stumbled to catch my balance.
"It's ok." I chuckled.
"So how did you get your reputation?" I had made it back to the kitchen when he asked this, and had a couple of plates down to serve us. I pondered the question as I scooped up what I had made and set the plates down on the table.
"What reputation?" I asked innocently.
"Well..." he flushed looking down. "...rumor has it; you're 'good with your hands'" Understanding flashed across my eyes as memories flooded my thoughts. I was a freshman and a friend of a friend thought it would be humorous to caress my arms while we were all trying to do work. After about three times of asking him to stop and then warning him, he turned to do it a fourth time and I snatched his wrist. Spun him around and pinned him to his desk with his arm twisted behind him. It was fast, and people realized quickly that I was stronger and faster then I looked, and very few people messed with me after that.
We talked the entire night, sitting at the table and then in the bed room, we continued our conversation asking each other things that only 'best friends' would dive into. It was nice to have rekindled...or kindled...this relationship with him. I drifted off to sleep almost mid sentence but was awoken during the night for some reason that sent a chill across my body. I rolled over and realized that Zach's bed was empty.
I stood up and left my room and walked down stairs, he was no where down here. I went back up to the room to grab my sandals when I realized that the door to the empty room was cracked. I slowly opened the door and sighed as I saw Zach standing in front of the big bay window that overlooked the beach.
"Zach are you ok?" I asked sleepily.
I think I heard a sniffle, before he sighed. "No, did I wake you? I'm sorry." His shoulders slumped and I knew something was bothering him.
"No...it was something else. What's wrong?" I said.
"Nothing, I'm just thinking."
"You sure? Are you thinking about something that we have talked about tonight?" I moved into the room and walked closer to him but he never turned around to face me. I assumed that he didn't want me to see him cry.
"No we didn't talk about it, although I'm surprised, you're probably the one person I would want to talk about it with." He sighed.
"Then talk." I tried to sound supportive, when I was thoroughly in the dark.
"I'm afraid; I don't want you to think...bad of me." He stuttered a bit, that made it sound like the tears were coming back.
"That won't happen." I said as I walked up closer behind him. I place my hands slowly on his shoulders, working my fingers into them, massaging the stress that I could feel out of him. He jumped slightly at my touch but his head quickly drooped as my fingers worked their way through his stress.
"Wow, you really are good with your hands." He chuckled as his joke. I just smiled and continued my massage, knowing that he would tell me when he felt comfortable.
"This is why I feel comfortable telling you, because you make me comfortable. Today has been like nothing else I have ever felt, I have been happy being here with you, happiest since we made up. I don't know what I'm trying to say..." He said.
I did, I was slowly gathering the clues I needed, and had worked through the idea that he thought that he was gay and was scared of it. The same thing I dealt with when I was a year or two younger.
"...I think that I'm trying to say that..."
"That you're gay?" I asked trying to take the pressure off of him.
"What? Oh no...I have come to terms with that for a long time now." He chuckled as I continued to gently rub his shoulders, I was completely wrong.
"I think that I am falling in love with you...and if you don't want to, or don't feel the same way then it is completely fine, and I won't bug you or anything. I won't hang around or call or any of that...I'm sorry." His words flew out of his mouth so fast that, I don't even believe a tape recorder could have caught them all...but I caught what I needed to hear.
I took my hands off his shoulder and realized that he flinched as if I had hurt him. But as I slid my hands around his waist, under his arms, he sighed and leaned back into my chest.
"Don't you ever apologize, not for love! It is a gift from god, and it should be treated as such." I whispered into his ear.
He turned his head, and his cobalt blue eyes locked mine. I leaned in and slowly melted into his lips, they were warm and gentle. I felt my heart skip a beat as his lips gently returned the kiss that I gave him.
We stayed like that for about an hour, by which time the first light of dawn was beginning to creep up. We left the condo and made our way to the beach, it was deserted and the waves were gently whispering to us. Our hands were locked with our fingers intertwined. We walked along the beach and spoke gently telling each other the secrets that we had kept from each other for so long. We turned to face the horizon, and I leaned over to kiss his cheek. It was at that moment that perfect moment, that there was a flash and the light flooded the world, as the sun crept over the horizon.
We spent the rest of the week, mostly hand in hand. And every morning we walked on the beach, whispering our secrets to each other, and holding hands. Basking in the glorious moment that the sun would bathe us in light, and we knew our love was real.
Walking like this reminded me of how it all started.
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