This story is a work of fiction. Any comments or suggestions can be sent toshakes003@hotmail.com. For those interested in other stories I've done... they can be found at http://groups.yahoo.com/group/shakes-stories/. Take care & Be well.
XXX
"Elton...Elton, you've got to calm down!"
Paula shoved her foot to the floor and the car jerked and sped to unbelievable lengths as I slouched further into the seat, unable to control the hysterics I had gotten myself into. Might as well die in a car crash. My life was over anyway.
"Jesus Christ, Elton! I knew I should've grabbed that Ativan. Elton, calm down!" A drug overdose. Yeah, that would work too.
Paula started to sound more hysterical than me. What did she have to worry about? She didn't molest a patient-a minor at that. My breathing became more irregular at the thought. My life felt like it was crashing out of control. I gripped the door handle, debating whether or not I should throw myself from the car. Everything would be okay then. Nobody would know what I did. Nobody would know what kind of perverted monster I really was. My mind was made up. I wanted to die. I pulled on the latch and the door swung open.
"ELTON!" Paula shrieked and slammed her foot on the brake as she drove her car over the right lane onto the sidewalk.
I would've thrown myself out of the car if I remembered that I was wearing my seatbelt. Fuck! I can't even kill myself right. Good thing I didn't try to shoot myself. I'd probably live and end up brain dead. Not that I wasn't already. I'm just a stupid fuck-up. That's all I am.
"Oh my God, Elton!" Paula was in tears as the car came to a complete stop and she put it in park. Luckily the street was deserted as she unbuckled herself and slid across the seat and grabbed me-wrapping her arms around me. I was trembling.
"Baby, what is going on?" Paula cried as her arms swept up and down my back. I felt her kiss my hair and I thought again about Corey. The way he touched me, and the way it made me feel. I grabbed onto Paula for dear life. I was going down.
The streetlights were a blur through the tears that kept pouring from me. I felt Paula hold me tighter as I clung desperately to her-feeling like I was standing on a fault and at any given second I was going to get sucked in by the earthquake. I gasped one last breath before I gave up and let the ground cover me.
When I opened my eyes it was bright. For a second I half convinced myself that I had died and that I was in heaven. My luck isn't that good though, and I was pretty doubtful that heaven consisted of mahogany sleigh beds with Egyptian cotton sheets and pictures of Paula's family plastered on the white walls. I stared at them and for a nanosecond I hated Paula. No, it wasn't hate but it was just as ugly. I was jealous. I just wished that I were her. Life would be simpler.
I lay there all day not moving. I layed and ached over what I had become. I ached even more because what happened felt so good, and the truth gnawed at me. I had spent years avoiding serious relationships and friendships with people. I was different and not really accepted which made it easy for me to disappear. Cripes, my own parents didn't want me. I spent my childhood bouncing from one foster home to the next. My parents didn't try to find me or contact me. I didn't really know if I even had parents--if they were alive or not. I survived though. I survived on my own not needing anyone. And now...
"Elton?"
I looked up and at the doorway to find Paula's husband looking at me worriedly. I could only stare back in silence.
"You need anything?"
Yeah, a loaded pistol would be good right about now. That's what I wanted to say, but I only shook my head in reply.
"Lemme know if you change your mind."
I stared back at the ceiling in my reverie. James, Paula's husband disappeared out of the corner of my eye. I was so tired. So bloody tired...
"All right, then," I heard Paula's Aussie voice booming around me as I felt a sudden chill as the bed sheets were being yanked off of me.
"Ung..." I groaned and tried to bury my head under the pillow, but she grabbed it and threw it off of the bed. She jumped over me and flopped down beside me.
"I'm cold," I griped as I covered my face with my arms.
"I don't care." Paula replied as she grabbed my arms and forced me to look at her. "Elton, you scared the shit out of me last night. What's going on?" Her stare was intent, but I hardened myself against it.
"Where are my clothes?" I sat up in only my underwear and looked around. Paula grabbed me and pulled me back down beside her.
"Elton, we need to talk about this."
"Where are my clothes?" I demanded, irritated by the interrogation and my need to draw attention away from the topic.
"Me and Jamesy burned 'em after we had our way with you. I'll send you the pictures after I get them loaded up on our website, now shut up Elton. Talk to me."
I looked at her but couldn't speak. She was the only one I could count on. How would she feel if she knew the truth? I couldn't take it if she wasn't in my life. She was all I had.
"Give me a break, Elton. You're puking your guts out one second, bawling and in hysterics the next. You try to jump out of my car while I'm going a hundred miles an hour. Goddamit, Elton! I want answers!"
"I think I might be gay." There. The horrible truth. I waited for her to cuss me out. I waited for the sting of assault-physical or otherwise. I tensed up ready for it and felt tears run down.
"That's it? You worry me half to death last night, afraid you were going to die or be committed to some loonie bin, and that's it?"
"I almost..." I couldn't think about it. I couldn't think about Corey.
"Almost what?" Paula was stroking my hair.
"He came on to me. He was right there naked and he asked me to...I didn't know what to do. He's so beautiful and I wanted to...I..." I was stuttering. I could picture myself sucking on Corey like a baby would suck a bottle. I wanted to get hard. Fuck, I wanted to come so bad. My perversion was getting worse.
"Were you making passes at James again, you pervert!" Paula tried to lighten the mood but stopped when she saw my face. I was fit for another case of hysterics.
"I'm gonna lose my job! They're gonna throw me in jail..." I was babbling, but Paula was confused.
"Sweetheart, what are you talking about?"
"Cor...Corey..." was all I could get out. God, just saying his name out loud gave me butterflies. A look of recognition registered on Paula's face.
"Oh my God, Elton. What happened? What did you do?"
"I was drawing him a bath. He was there. I...I was washing him and..." Suddenly Paula burst out laughing uncontrollably.
"Wha...what the hell is wrong with you? Why the fuck are you laughing?" Paula had tears in her eyes from laughing so hard at my expense. I was getting a little annoyed.
"Oh Christ, Elton. You're such a Pollyanna." With that Paula continued to laugh.
"Thank you." I griped and turned around so I was facing away from her.
I was hurt and confused at her reaction. It wasn't long before I felt her snuggle up to my back and wrap her arms around my torso while she tried to compose herself. She kissed my shoulder and rested her head against it.
"You like him." It was a statement and not a question.
"What do you mean?"
"I've never seen you so bent outta shape over someone. You're always worried and careful around people. You're always keeping people at bay. One look at Corey and you're finally even admitting that you're gay."
"I barely know him." I tried to reason.
"Please...you didn't leave his side. You know enough."
"He's a kid. My patient."
"Mmm...yeah. You could get into trouble but nobody is gonna care if they find out. He's an adult in a couple of days."
"But I don't know him..." I choked as my throat got tight and my eyes started to water again.
"Elton, when are you gonna stop being afraid of love? When are you gonna let go and let somebody in? My God, do you have any idea how wonderful you are? You're smart; you're compassionate, sexy as hell. Did I mention how fantastic your ass looks in these boxer thingies?" She teased as she grabbed my ass and gave it a good pinch for effect.
"You're beautiful. So when are you gonna stop being afraid of love?"
Paula's words hit me and I found that I couldn't answer. She didn't push me this time and left me to think about it. We spent the rest of the day there. She held me and didn't ask anything of me. She was just my best friend. I was still confused, but a certain ease spread over me. No matter what, I would always have Paula.
Things seemed pretty messed up when I made it to my apartment later that night. I mean to say that I seemed pretty messed up. I couldn't think right. I couldn't eat. I couldn't sleep, yet I couldn't keep my eyes open. I was a mess. I decided on Paula's advice to take a few weeks vacation from work. I had enough hours banked from all of the times I came in on my days off. I didn't even call my manager. Paula said she'd take care of it the next day when she went into work. I guess I could've skipped town during three weeks, but I didn't have it in me. I just knew that I needed the time to get my shit together before I could go back to work.
I kept to myself as much as I could. I didn't want to talk to anybody. Paula phoned a few dozen times a day, but I couldn't talk to her so I avoided her like the plague. I said all that I had to and I just didn't want to face the one who knew all of my dirty secrets. I wanted to pretend like none of it had happened.
I was entering week two of being a recluse when I realized I was quickly running out of food to eat. I didn't have that big of an appetite since that night at the hospital, but there really was nothing. I didn't even have any bread to gnaw on. I would've rather stayed in bed like I had the week before, but I swallowed and sucked it up, got dressed and decided to make a visit to the supermarket.
Being a nurse and working long hours and shift work can make a person very lazy. It made me lazy. I used to live a fairly active life until I became a nurse. I barely had a life outside of work now. I was always too damned tired to get involved with anything besides sleeping or watching TV these days. I was even too lazy to cook for myself which sometimes made grocery shopping impossible if I didn't know what I felt like eating. Today however, would be easy. I didn't have the energy to look around.
The doors slid open for me as I approached the store, and I walked inside. I skipped the produce section and the deli. I skipped the dry goods and canned food section. I headed straight for the frozen food section. It was microwave dinner week. 'Stouffers Lean Cuisine' and 'Michelina' time. You could've shot a cannon in the store and not hit anybody that afternoon. It was dead. I thought about how weird that was as I filled my basket full of pot pies and chicken dinners. A new dinner selection caught my eye and I was studying the picture as I could see somebody standing behind my left shoulder out of the corner of my eye.
"Do you live around here?"
I turned my head and my jaw dropped open. This wasn't happening to me. I was trying to ignore the truth. I didn't want to be me. I didn't want to be gay. I wanted to escape from it, and here it was right in my face in the most beautiful package I ever seen. I wanted to run but my feet were like clay. I wanted to speak but my lungs felt like they weren't holding any air. My stomach flipped as I stood and stared wordlessly.
"Bet you didn't expect us to meet like this did you? I live across the street; I was just picking some things up to snack on later. Man, do you ever look different without your scrubs on. Wow."
I stood still and blank as I stared at the object of my desire. My palms were sweating and making it hard to keep a hold of my shopping basket. My heart was pounding in my ears making it hard for me to make out his words. My jeans suddenly felt uncomfortable and tight in the crotch. Why was this happening to me?
"Are you okay, Elton?" Corey looked worriedly at me and touched my hair. He took his hand away suddenly and looked around to see if anyone else was around. There was nobody but the two of us. He stepped closer to me.
"I can't stop thinking about you, Elton. I'm so sorry for that night. I just...I wanted you. I didn't expect you to react the way you did. I thought you wanted me too. I got carried away. I'm sorry if I spooked you. I definitely don't want to do that." He smiled and bared his perfect white teeth to me. My heart felt uncomfortable as it thudded into my ribs.
"How's your arm?" I didn't know what else to say. I wasn't sure if I could speak at all, but it came out.
"My arm is great thanks to you." He smiled again and I started shaking. Corey looked at me with that worried expression, and then gently took my shopping basket out of my hands and placed it on the floor before his good hand went around my waist.
"Don't be afraid of me, Elton." His mouth was right at my ear as he whispered. Shivers were travelling up and down my spine and finally resting between my legs.
"I promise I won't bite you unless you ask me to." He softly nibbled my ear lobe before stepping back and giving me another one of his amazing smiles.
"Why are you doing this to me?" I choked out as my eyes were stinging.
"Because I want you, Elton." Corey whispered as he slowly brought his hand to the front of my jeans and firmly cupped me. He slowly looked down at his hand and then back up at me and gave me an evil grin.
"And you definitely want me."
I brought my hands up to cover my face, as I couldn't hide my feelings for this kid. How could he know what I was keeping locked away my whole life? How did he know exactly what buttons to push, and when to push them? I didn't want this. I wanted to be alone, independent. I didn't want to need anything from anybody but it was already too late. I needed Corey. The pounding in my chest and the ache in my gut told me I had a deep need that only he could fill. I could feel his arm drawing me to him. I felt it wrap around me as his lips touched my hair and eventually my ear.
"It's okay, Elton. I won't hurt you." Corey whispered into my ear. "Take me home with you."
I lifted my face from my hands and looked into his eyes. He wasn't joking. He was serious. His hand slid slowly from my shoulder, down my back where it softly rested on my ass and gave a gentle squeeze. He then took my hand and gave a small tug. I took a couple of steps towards him, forgetting my basket full of food. Forgetting about the need to eat. Food wouldn't feed this hunger, only Corey would. Only Corey could.
"Take me home with you," he said again as he pulled me a few more steps. I gently pulled my hand away and we stared at each other before I nodded and fished in my pocket for my car keys.
We left the store; me leading the way to my car that was parked a ways from the door. I unlocked the passenger door and waited for Corey to get in before I closed the door behind him. Slowly I made my way around the car and opened my door and slid in. There was no turning back now. I looked over at Corey and he smiled before sliding closer to me. He rubbed my cheek, my neck, and then my chest as his lips covered mine and stole my breath away. As I opened my mouth to gasp a deep breath, Corey dove in with his tongue and tasted every inch of the inside of my mouth. I didn't want it to end. He was the only one who ever made me feel this way.
Corey eventually broke the kiss, but his hand still roamed over my T-shirt covered chest; his thumb and forefinger rubbing my nipples, making them as hard as my cock was. I looked at him in disbelief. Why was he doing this? Why me? I was practically twice his age. None of it made sense.
"Take me home with you, Elton."
"Why me?"
"Take me to your place, and I'll show you."
His voice was gruff as his hand slid down from my chest and started kneading and massaging my denim-clad erection. I nodded and let out a long exhale as I shoved the keys into the ignition, and drove the car out of the parking lot.