I grew up in a small rural community in Florida's Panhandle. To give you an idea of what it was like folks there were proud to refer to our town as the buckle of the Bible belt. The population was 580 divided between those who were saved in the Lord and those who needed saving. Life actually revolved around the Full Gospel Evangelical Baptist Church. From first grade through eighth I went to a church run school. On Sundays we started with Sunday school at 9:00, followed by a prayer service at 10 and then the main Sunday service, complete with brimstone and fire preaching from 11 to 1. Then Sunday evening at 6 was the youth fellowship meeting followed by a hymn-fest at 7 and the Sunday evening service at 8. On Wednesday at 7 was Bible study and on Saturday there was always a youth fellowship recreational outing.
As if that wasn't enough my family had daily prayers every morning and Bible readings every evening. Television was rarely on at my house, except for religious programs like the 700 Club.
I was in the thick of it and looking back I'd have to say that anyone who observed me at that time would have easily said I was a perfect Christian boy living in the light of the Lord. Even I would have said that if I hadn't thought that saying such a thing was the sin of boastfulness.
Of course had I allowed myself the opportunity to think and do a little self-reflection I might have come to the realization that I was gay. Things being as they were, self-examination beyond the superficial was not encouraged; it was just as well otherwise I might well have killed myself with the knowledge that I was one of those unspeakable sinners. Of course that didn't happen because I didn't really think about sex, or at least I tried not to. I didn't even masturbate that often. Mostly I got relief through wet dreams. On the rare occasions when I couldn't wait for a nocturnal emission, taking matters into hand, I'd feel so guilty that it would be weeks if not months before I'd slip again. I have to admit that when I did jerk off thoughts about men and boys seemed to seep into my head. Of course I rationalized that away by thinking that the devil was responsible for my sinning and was putting the vilest possible thoughts into my mind. Remember in that world homosexuals have a choice, while women don't. So to me it wasn't that I was attracted to men it was that sex with men was the worse possible of all sexual thoughts so that's what the devil would tempt me with. I know that's fucked up logic, but the whole thing was fucked up logic.
Anyway I missed going off to some Christian college because my family was poorer than it was religious. I'd managed to get a full scholarship to UF and while a few Jesus schools offered me partial scholarships none could compare with what I got at Florida. My folks figured that I was so steeped in the Lord that I would be safe even in hell for four years. They were wrong. I was an innocent 18-year old when I arrived at the University of Florida, but I didn't stay that way for long.
My roommate turned out to be a Jewish boy name Ronnie Goldberg from North Miami Beach; well at least that's where he'd been living for the past two year. His family was actually from Brooklyn and that's where he was born and raised. He was just about as opposite from me as possible. The only thing we had in common, aside from species and gender was that we were both apparently smart. The biggest difference was that he was totally worldly and I was totally naive.
Being a good Christian with the mission of witnessing to and converting non-believers I almost immediately started in to save Ronnie's immortal soul. I was determined to make him born again. He of course was having none of it and set me straight in the proverbial New York minute.
"Listen Evan, you seem like a decent guy and it doesn't matter to me what and how you believe, just keep it to yourself. I know this is going to shock you, but I don't believe in God, at least not the kind of God your religion foists off on people. So you do your thing, but dude don't try and save me or you'd better find yourself another roommate."
Well I could respect his wishes, but I certainly could not let his statement about there being no God go unchallenged. So I asked him why he didn't believe in God.
"OK, I'll engage you this one time, but only once. There maybe a God, but it sure isn't the God of the Torah, or the Bible or the Koran for that matter. That God was created by man in his own image as a political tool to control people. I mean there's no scientific evidence to support the Bible's version of the way things are. In order to accept most of that claptrap you have to suspend reality and that's not something I will ever do. If there is a God then I believe he or it is the totality of what we call physics and far beyond the understanding of most mere mortals. All those so called sacred books are just human attempts to explain the inexplicable. For me science is holy and religions are the biggest, oldest con-game going. That's what I believe and you aren't going to change my mind. So let's just agree to disagree and we'll get along."
Well he'd laid it out as plainly as possible and while at the moment I didn't think he was right I wasn't sophisticated enough to put up much of an argument other than "the Bible says" which he wouldn't accept as proof. Even the sinners back home thought there was a God. I'd never really talked to a non-believer before and I was more or less in shock over what he'd said. I decide to just keep my mouth shut and I remember thinking that if he was wrong the Lord would show me a way to lead him out of the darkness.
I complied with Ronnie's request and kept my religion to myself. The only hint of my beliefs that crossed his path was that I'd read the Bible every night. I'd sometimes catch him staring at me doing so and he'd just sort of shake his head in amazement. We actually got along quite well and despite our differences we began to like and respect each other. I actually liked him a great deal and that's when I started wondering. He was a great guy and smart as a whip, how could he be so wrong when it came to God, or was he? I started reading things other than the Bible about God and science, though of course I didn't let on to anyone that I was doing so.
Nonetheless I retained some of my more judgmental attitudes. There were a few things about Ronnie that really bothered me even though I tried to overlook them. He would get drunk on weekends, stumbling into the room in the wee hours of the morning reeking of beer and while not falling down drunk certainly far from sober.
Another thing that disturbed me was that he often went around naked or nearly so. He'd come back from the showers and remove the towel from around his waist and stay nude for the longest time saying that he liked to completely air dry. Once he was in the room he'd strip down to his underwear and stay that way. I figured he was just being vain, flaunting himself for the other guys to envy. He was very handsome with an almost flawless body. He also had just about the biggest cock and set of balls I'd ever seen on a person (though I hadn't seen that many). Looking back I'll have to admit that subconsciously I was attracted by his physical presence and that's what mainly upset me.
The worst thing for me at the time was that he masturbated almost every night. I thought he thought I was asleep, but I wasn't. It was the same almost every time. I'd just lay there awake on the top bunk while he'd be jingling the whole bed, moaning and grunting. Then he'd let out a long sigh and the entire room would fill with the strong unmistakable scent of male sex. It nearly drove me mad. I'd have an erection the whole time and the temptation to join him would sometime get almost unbearable.
Much as I tried not to give into temptation I found myself masturbating far more frequently. At least once a week in the shower I'd beat off. More disturbing was that when I did so, inevitably I'd imagine Ronnie in the bunk under me stroking his big, hard dick and spraying his cum all over his chest. I was feeling so guilty. I prayed hard not to be tempted, but to no avail. This went on for several weeks and I couldn't understand my own feelings.
Then right around mid-terms the whole world change forever. It was around 1:00 Sunday morning and I was up studying for my biology exam which was scheduled for Monday morning at 8 o'clock. Normally I went to bed no later than 11, but biology was my weakest subject and I had to cram. Just about that time Ronnie came bursting into the room.
"I didn't think you'd still be up," sounding surprised to find me at my desk.
"Biology exam," I explained. Then sounding like a real prig I added, "you're drunk again."
He laughed, "not so drunk, I only had few brews, but I am very stoned." Then I think just to shock me he added, "I'm also horny, tried to get laid, but that didn't work out, so I came back here to crash and jerk off."
If shocking me had been his intention, it worked. I was shocked that he'd admit he'd been smoking marijuana, but even more floored that he'd so casually admit that he wanted to masturbate. I guess the surprise was registered on my face.
He came up right beside me and leaned back against the edge of my desk. "Evan have you ever gotten laid? Ever had sex with another person?"
I became immediately defensive. "That's a rather personal question?" I said. "But the answer is no, sex outside of marriage is a sin."
"That's such bullshit. Evan, human beings, all animals for that matter, are biologically wired to have sex. That's why it feels so fucking good. There's nothing sinful about getting your rocks off either by yourself or with another person as long as nobody gets hurt. It's one of the big pleasures of life. So don't play Mr. Holier Than Thou with me. I know you're a sexual being and that you get turned on. You lay away at night just listening to me beat off and you get off on it, just like you get off looking at my big cock when I walk around bare assed."
"I don't do any such thing," I protested again sounding just a little too defensive.
"Evan, face reality, you're gay dude. I see the way you look at my body, stare at my package. I know that look, I've seen it before. Fuck! You think you're the first guy who has drooled over my meat. I grew up in New York. Lot's of gay guys there are more than willing to help a horny teenager get some quick relief; lots of gay guys on the Beach in Miami will do the same thing. So I know the look.
"There's nothing wrong with being gay, it's just how you are. You're still a great guy and once you loosen up and come to terms with reality you're going to be a much happier one.
"I think we can help each other out here and I can prove my point. Like I said I'm real horny, and I was intending to get some relief by jerking off, but a head job would be so much finer."
With that he stood upright and dropped his shorts to the floor. He'd gone commando and there he stood with what had to be a seven-inch, hard, thick cock pointing up at the ceiling. I was speechless; I couldn't believe what he'd just done, but I was incredulous to discover that I was turned on sexually. I could feel my cock getting hard. I'd never been that close to another guy's dick, let alone hard on. I wanted to run out of the room, but I was frozen in place. Ronnie knew he'd won before I did. He looked down at my crotch. It would have been apparent to anyone from the tenting in my gym shorts that I was hard.
He smiled with the knowledge of someone proven right. His voice however was gentle and reassuring. "So how about helping out a pal in need? It's the perfect set-up for both of us. You get the cock you've been drooling over and I get a good blow job."
I don't know why I said it, it just sort of blurted out before I knew it. "I've never given a blow job before."
"There's always a first time for everything dude and my guess is you're a natural, you'll know what to do and it's hardly my first time getting one so I can help talk you through it."
He removed his tee shirt, kicked off his flip-flops and stepped out of his bunched up shorts so that he was now completely naked. I turned around in my seat so that he was in front of me with his crotch at face level. He grabbed his cock, pulled it down from his flat stomach so that it was pointing directly at my face. He stroked it a couple of times and a clear bead of crystal liquid appeared at the slit on the tip.
"Go ahead take it, you know you want to. It's going to be great."
He was right, at that moment it's exactly what I wanted. I slowly reached up with my right hand and gently cupped his big balls. Just touching them sent a thrill through my body. I was staring at his beautiful cock and he took a half step forward. He brushed the tip of his cock over my lips smearing the drop of honey across them. Instinctively I ran my tongue over my lips and then over the meaty head of his cock. At that moment I knew that this is what I wanted, what I'd wanted for a long time. With no further hesitation I opened my mouth and he entered me. I closed my lips tight around his thick shaft.
"Oh yeah, that's it. This is fucking great. Just take it slow. Take it as far back in your mouth as you can. Yeah, that's the way. Flatten your tongue so that it touches the bottom of my cock, right, just like that. Now go up and down; slowly, pick up speed when you get comfortable with it. Oh yeah, I told you, you're a natural."
For some reasons his words were making me even hotter and all I wanted to do was to make him feel wonderful and satisfied. He was sharing his beautiful cock with me, making me feel like I'd never felt before and I wanted to return the favor as best I could. I picked up speed and I must have been doing something right because he was moaning with pure pleasure.
Once I had a good rhythm going I was able to take more and more of his cock into my mouth until finally I could feel my lips brushing up against his pubic hair on the down stroke. Just about that time he started thrusting himself into me in sync with my movements. It was as though we'd become one sex unit. Then he placed his hands on my head guiding and at the same time caressing me in a very tender way. He also began to talk again.
"Oh yeah baby, you're making me feel so fucking good. That's the way. Too fucking hot! Yeah, baby, can't last much longer, you're too fucking good at this. Okay, it's going to happen. Not much longer, I'm going to shoot. It won't hurt you, swallow it for me. Take my hot load and swallow it all. Get ready, baby, `cause here it is."
With that he rose up on his toes and thrust deep into my mouth. I felt his cock harden and swell even more and suddenly my mouth was awash with a warm, thick, tangy liquid. I didn't resist, I wanted to please him so I began to swallow. No sooner had I downed that first mouthful than his cock pulsed filling my mouth a second time. We continued this pattern until I'd drained him of five mouthfuls in all. Still I didn't want to release him from my mouth. I wanted him in me and I wanted more of his milk. Finally he could stand the intensity of it no longer and gently he withdrew himself.
"Evan that was great. If you enjoyed it half as much as me then you must be in heaven."
I was, but I was also hornier than I'd ever been in my life. All I wanted to do was beat off, yet old habits die hard and I was reluctant about beating off in front of Ronnie. Sounds silly as I think about it since I'd just finished swallowing his load, but that's what I was feeling. Ronnie came to my rescue.
He pointed at my crotch which was bulging almost obscenely with just about the stiffest erection of my life and laughed.
"That thing needs some immediate attention or you're going to end up with a terminal case of blue balls. Let it out for some air quick."
I lifted up in my seat and yanked down my gym shorts. My 6-1/2 inch boner sprang out and received my immediate attention. Ronnie watched, giving me verbal encouragement, not that I needed it. It took all of about six strokes before I'd blasted the biggest load of my live (up to that point).
I sucked Ronnie off a few more times and we remained roommates until the end of our freshman year and friends even today. By Easter though he had a steady girlfriend and I had a steady boyfriend (who I still have). My family wants nothing to do with me, calling me the spawn of the devil. I now have a Ph.D. and live a very happy life. You could say that because of Ronnie I was born again.