Booker Burns 4
Dexter Walsh was a young and very handsome well known media star. He is going places anyone could see that. His beautiful offsider was a lady called Louise Smith a; excuse the next comment, bubblehead. She's only there to make Dexter look intelligent. They had an afternoon one hour think tank type of show. It was highly rated and very popular. I was introduced to them before the taping and handed a piece of paper with three questions on it.
"This is what we are going to ask you Zack, can you please not be too political I like to keep to the subject and I'm not here to make personal editorials."
"Sure Dexter, I know where your coming from." And I did, he had to please his viewer's wether they be left or right and from what I've seen of his shows he runs a pretty tight ship. So Dexter's not only gorgeous he's very intelligent. Louise agreed with him but she was a loose cannon because when he left she said.
"Dex is only worried about his image Zack, say what you want you have plenty of people out there that will back you up." She winked. I sat in the make up chair and though about it then come to the conclusion she was assuming I was a leftie and would talk about our government or my rotten peers but she's in for a shock today I don't lean either way because I have my own brain.
We three sat under some powerful lighting, cameras faced us and the director was setting us up for the first question. I had put the question paper in my jacket pocket and somehow Dexter had relaxed me with his constant smiles.
We were ready to roll the director called for silence.
"Good afternoon viewers welcome back to our weekly spot we like to call, It's your call." He smiled at the camera.
"Today we have a young man called Zack Tierney who works for family services, for those that don't know Family welfare, child abuse and human resources come under that umbrella. We are going to talk about child poverty in Australia particular in Victoria, our home state. Welcome Zack." He smiled as the camera zoomed in on me. I felt relaxed but that could change at any minute.
"Thank you Dexter, Louise its a pleasure to be here." I gave them both then the viewers my best sexy smile.
"There's been a lot of talk lately about child poverty in our cities, can we get your comments on that please Zack."
"Of course Dexter, but I would much rather talk about hurt first if I may."
"Why hurt?" Louise said.
"Because Louise hurt controls poverty, it actually controls everything around us, it effects everyone out there in their everyday lives."
"But doesn't the government have a duty to stop child poverty?" She wasn't listening to me.
"No Louise they absolutely don't." That was her first shock, and if she would let me finish my answer she might get another one. I noticed Dexter had a slight smile on his face.
"Hurt rules everyone's lives, but today we are talking about children and poverty. When a child is born they don't feel hurt, it slowly creeps up on them as they learn. A great example is school, the bullying the relentless expectations to keep up with their peers, they adapt but also feel hurt. That hurt is worse if the mother or father are not coping with their own inner hurt. The child has to cope with his everyday school hurt and his home hurt. They have already lost the battle, they withdraw they become cynical they do not enjoy their childhood which I might add is a fundamental right of all children. If there's no back up or support for them, then and only then you get inner poverty in children, they are starved of their basic human rights." They didn't have a clue what I was talking about I could see it in their eyes.
"Okay Dexter, Louise let me put it another way. When school lets these kids down and the parents do the same the child hurts inside, they are impoverished of their natural rights to feel safe at school to be a kid at home to have meals placed in front of them and to feel loved no matter what. It is mainly these children that end up in foster homes or on the streets, and don't get me started on sexual and mental abuse. The words Child poverty mean just that they are maybe or maybe not in need of food, but the basic impoverished child that I have come across are the ones that need love and care to take away the hurt that makes a child hungry for it."
"Very profound words Zack, I get it and I hope the viewers were listening." Dexter said, Louise was still struggling to get her head around what I just said, but she managed.
"But doesn't the present government and child services have to take the blame for that?" What an air head.
"No they certainly don't Louise, in fact I believe the government is only there to allocate money into child services and its up to us on the ground to make it work, for the kids, not the government that's our job." I smiled.
"But they surly are to blame there's so much poverty around in our streets."
I give up.
"Well Louise with due respect if you have seen poverty in your street do something about it. Don't blame the politicians blame yourself for not contributing. What I mean by that is giving your heart to a broken child a hurt child, become a doer not a face in the crowd. Give that kid on your street or in your neighbourhood a reassuring smile. Be a friend make sure they are happy at home, media identities grandparents aunties uncles go check your family and make sure there is no hurt and if there's no hurt there's no Child poverty." The director called cut, they didn't know what I was talking about either and I'm sunk as a media face.
"He's just giving you a break Zack, I want to discuss the next question with you." Dex said.
"I'm sorry, sometimes I get a little pissed off with people, some push for their own agenda, and some just do without a second thought."
"Don't think I don't know what's going on Zack, but she's under contract I have to work with her. God forbid if she ever gets her own show. Now settle down, your doing exceptionally well. The next question is what can we do but I think you covered that." He laughed his teeth were so white I ran my tongue over mine to check there was no lettuce in between them.
"Dex ask me about change, how can we change child poverty and heal hurt."
So he did and Louise was no match for me as I prattled away about change and changing the way we lived our lives and used our hearts.
Another break Louise still didn't get it so she started in on me. I had enough and lost my grip.
"Louise if you got off your lazy ass and volunteered at the soup kitchen in Collingwood you would know exactly what I'm talking about. Don't go blaming everyone else, blame your self for child poverty do something with your life mean something, be the best person you can be, and that's when you might get your own show. Hounding bureaucrats wont make that happen whoever is in power will go on doing the same bloody thing, change is the buzz word, you change, don't leave it up to strangers to do it for you" I think she got it.
"I want to talk about love." I dismissed Dexter's next question then I wrapped hurt change and love into a neat parcel to gave the viewers an entertaining fifteen minutes of airtime.
In the dressing room later Dexter came by and threw his arms around me.
"Are you sure you don't want your own show, I would love to work with you."
"Oh yeah I'm sure Dex its all yours."
"Will you come back, you can write the questions next time."
"Sure I will Dex, its been fun."
"More fun than you think Zack, Louise is on the phone to her agent drumming up some hospital visits and school talks, it wont last long and wont work for her, she's to shallow." He giggled, I liked the sound of it.
"Zack can I ask you something?"
"Of course."
"Can I call you, and maybe take you out for dinner I just want to talk to you some more." I didn't think he was gay but mostly I don't think at all around him he was gorgeous.
"Of course give me your phone I'll tap the number in for you." That sexy smile was back on my face
On the way back to work I called into see professor Watkins, he was extremely happy with Cameron's progress. He said it was all my doing because he was using my theory about hurt on him and if I wouldn't mind could I write a paper on acceptance. I started on it as soon as I got in. As I wrote I had a giggle to myself I was doing my teachers work for him.
I turned the computer off rubbed my eyes and got ready for bed, my pillow as usual satisfied my needs and my imagination run rampant as I fucked the now distant memory of Book in my mind, but Dex was in there somewhere too.
We watched the interview in Hildys office, even I thought I made sense. Hildy sent me to the next three because the first one was such a success when it aired.
The station wanted me to do a five-minute talk on any subject, like my own mini show, within a show. I thought long and hard about it but in the end its not what I wanted to do with my life.
After its airing Booker started texting me again, I tried to ignore him but he was persistent, so I relented and let him back into my life just a little, small talk at first but I wrote short texts just answering his questions, mainly about my job he never talked about himself and out of stubbornness I didn't ask him any. I still didn't know what happened to him. Mum told me he had been discharged but his gran didn't know where he was she was still worried about him, what little was left of the farm had gone to rack and ruin she was desperate for him to come home.
I figured he would turn up somewhere, he couldn't hide forever. There was a rest period after I heard that, then after another month it started again. I asked him where he was but he didn't answer. I wanted to tell him to get fucked again but I kept telling him to go home his gran is worried. It never occurred to me to invite him here into my home. In the meantime, Dex called. I had a date.
I was nervous and like a school kid trying on different outfits until I found the right one for me. My hair had grown and so I spent a long time using "product" to get it to a shiny dark brown mass of curls. A nice pale green shirt and jeans. I had scrubbed my body and used lotion to make it silky smooth, something I didn't do everyday, but tonight was special.
My phone went, a message from Book appeared when I pushed mail.
"Feeling horny" I pushed my hurt down and was furious with him again, that double standards of Books isn't going to wash with me anymore, so I let him have it.
"I couldn't care less Book, go find a woman to root, its never been a problem for you before, apparently."
"Come here" I would if I knew where 'here' was.
"Sorry no can do got a hot date, I got a cute fuck of my own now days."
No answer.
I shouldn't have told him that, but what the hell I have a life of my own to lead.
Dex looked every bit like a TV star, he was well known around town and when the hype settled down at the steakhouse he took me too, he became someone else. A caring beautiful sole that handed me a cheque for ten grand.
"I don't get much time to get involved but I like to do my bit in other ways. This is for the soup kitchen, maybe it will buy a few meals or make some kids happy. Use it for something you personally want to achieve Zack."
"That's very generous of you Dex, I don't know what to say except thank you. I will give it to Hildy she can decide who needs it the most anything I do with it would be personal. I would like to see loads of people benefit from it, thank you."
Our conversation over a very nice meal finally got around to being personal. I didn't know how to handle myself but I think I blushed a lot. He told me he had a few girlfriends nothing serious I told him I was gay. He stared at me then smiled.
"No Zack I'm not gay, but I could turn for the right guy I'm happy with me, inside and what will be will be. I don't label people gay or straight there's just people. But I must admit I get an urge with you around." He grinned again.
"Well I'm no catch mate, no experience at all here."
"I thought you would have guys lined up to date you."
"No, you're my second ever so called date." I giggled nervously then blushed because I felt so inadequate in this area.
"Is there something I'm missing with you Zack, like when you talk about hurt, its like a passion of yours, like you have plenty of experience in the matter?"
I thought about Book then I told him what had happened or not happened between us.
"You need to wipe the slate clean Zack, somehow you have to find the courage to go it alone. Lose Booker because he's not really your friend and it sounds like he never was."
"How's that Dex?"
"He would treat you differently, he would be interested in what your doing not cock teasing you. He's using you as some sort of crutch to prop himself up." Those words again I thought of Cameron and his crutch he used to stay indoors.
"Deep down I know he loves me Dex, but he just wont talk about it with me. And your right if I was honest he's just using me when he feels like it. He is a friend but a headachy kind of friend." I made light of a very serious problem.
"You really believe that don't you Zack?"
I shook my head and said a quiet yes. I wasn't disappointed Dex did or didn't want to get into my pants I had become quite accepting of my situation and put this down to another one of my dismal failures.
We moved to a lighter note and he parted with some very interesting gossip especially about Louise. She had joined a feminist group and is riding the producer's asses to get her mates on the program. He told me her stint on his show will be coming to an end very shortly, her contract was up for renewal and the network are going to let her go. He also asked me if I wanted the job, I was perfect for how he wanted it to move on. I told him I would think about it.
"Do this Zack, if not for you do it for the kids." He took my hand a photographer wasn't far away.
The next three days were crazy as I fended off gossip columnists with a curt 'no comment' Dex did the same but he did do something I did admire him for, he stood up for me. He made a statement on his show we were just good friends nothing more but if he was gay he would want me in his life because I was a beautiful person inside and out. Louise didn't comment, she left the show a few weeks later. I believe she's now headlining as a rally organiser. Yep Louise doing your bit for child poverty.
When the photos appeared in the papers I was so embarrassed but not for me, for Dex he didn't deserve that sort of attention, my family and friends were well aware of my situation in fact they supported me. I was to find out later most of my school friends thought Booker Burns and I would end up together. They knew me so well it didn't phase them at all. Hildy had a good laugh and so did cook as I blushed my way through yet another day at the community hall. I had passed Dexter's cheque on and Hildy said she would put it to good use. Two days after that I was to walk into another disaster, I was to be confronted by some old ghosts of the past.
I was doing some weeding in the garden when the slap on the back was felt, heavily.
"Book, oh god Book its you." I immediately hugged my rugged looking friend, my tears didn't appear because I wouldn't set them free.
"Yes its me idiot who else were you expecting your new boyfriend?" I dismissed that comment.
He looked older and darker, nothing I could put my finger on but he looked tormented like, his eyes darted anywhere but at me.
"What's happened, I need to know everything." I said as I took his swag and invited him in.
He didn't answer me for a long time in fact he wasn't answering any of my questions again. I knew absolutely nothing about him he was a stranger, shoulder shrugs and grunts were his answers. His buzz haircut made him look menacing too, gone were his beautiful golden curls.
"Book, come on mate tell me everything, why are you here?"
"I come to see you I want to know if I can stay with you for awhile, I really don't want to go home yet, can I stay?"
"Of course you can but what about the army?" I knew a little but hopefully he will fill in the blanks for me.
"It was over months ago I was discharged on medical grounds, is your boyfriend around?"
"Why, and where have you been why didn't you come here and there's no boyfriend Book, there never was in the end, what medical grounds." He stared at me then slumped.
He hesitated then took a deep breath.
"My back hurts, my mental state wasn't in keeping with the rules, I couldn't cope with the training and the absolute mental abuse. Please Zack can we talk about something else?"
"Sure Book, sure we can, does your gran know your here?"
"No, I came straight here from Sydney I've been staying with some army friends up there."
"Why didn't you come here Book, and why now after all this time?"
"I didn't think you liked me anymore, but I need you Zack, I fucking don't know why, but I urgently needed to be with you." He looked scared and he was crying out for help the only way he knew. I know that would have been so hard for him to say but at least he has said it aloud now, that's a good sign. My date with Dex must have got to him too.
"Okay okay settle down Book, we will talk okay, nothings as bad as you think, or imagine. Come on are you hungry?"
"Yes starving, I don't eat right and I don't sleep its driving me fucking crazy." That will be the pills he takes for his imaginary pain.
I put a couple of steaks on then some frozen veggies were dumped in boiling water. I watched as he flicked through the TV channels, every now and then he would look up at the window like he was expecting a jet plane to crash through it at any moment.
He ate like a starving puppy, I gave him half of mine for seconds, then he actually helped clear the table then went back to the couch.
After sitting down next to him I leant over and hugged him, just two buddies having a hug. It was as if Book was holding me as a long lost lover he didn't want to let go and then I heard his soft sobs.
I have seen this before; I have seen the results at the community centre. I wondered if there was something Book hasn't told me, but of course there is. Usually these signs are attributed to shell shock especially in men and women that are in the mist of fighting overseas. But Books problems aren't related to that, maybe the brainwashing and the bastard training they have to go through is the problem. Maybe its the painkillers he takes for his hurt, I had seen them in the bathroom and he ate them like they were sweets.
It was getting late and we both were ready for bed. I could have made the couch up for him but I decided he would be better off with some company. He stripped down to his kaki boxers, I couldn't help but notice his body was more pumped more defined more adult like his chest was unbelievably shaped, his waist so small. But to keep it clean I went to the bathroom until I heard him get into bed. I slipped in beside him and I heard
"Good night, sweet dreams."
"You too Book." I replied. His arm went around my upper body and he held on for dear life.
I slept well and I was very aware that Book had moved to my side of the bed I was also aware of his cock rubbing my ass. Over the next five days I noticed more beer being bought into my small house and Book wasn't making any attempt to call his gran or catch up with friends, he was just content to sit in front of the TV and drink all day. I had to work, people relied on me for help so I didn't push him I will wait for the weekend to have another chat. Every night he got drunk and I made sure he showered and ate. And every night he cried himself to sleep holding me. He wasn't speaking to me; he hadn't reached that point yet but he held me tight.
I did think about taking him to the soup kitchen to help out but I lost that way of thinking because it may have a bad effect on him. I was looking through the files at work and noticed a name I hadn't seen since I left school. An old teacher of Books and mine was now working for the Australian army; he was head of their Human resources division. It was worth a shot so I wrote him a long email.
Friday night he wanted to go out for dinner, maybe go on to a club or something, he was going stir crazy. Against my better judgment I agreed he needs to get out of here for an hour or so.
I dressed casually because I don't think we will end up anywhere fancy. He was onto his third can of beer for the evening but had managed a shower and a fresh change of clothes, which I might add made him look pretty fine in my eyes.
Dinner was again at the steakhouse up the road, we managed to find a table and ordered up big. We talked about school and our friends, he wanted to know if I had got laid at Uni. I didn't lie I told him about the one big affair I had, then I told him about Dex. His mood changed again and instead of eating he ordered more drinks. I had stopped at two so they were unnecessary, but he drank up big.
"Book, eat something will you, otherwise you wont make it through the night. "
"I'm good Zack, not hungry anymore lets party." I noticed he took one of his pills. My stomach churned because its been awhile since we really partied together. I ate my steak because I was feeling a bit heady and needed food to soak the drinks up.
I paid the cashier while Book tried to chat her up. I apologised for his behaviour after he bolted through the door into the car park, he heaved his guts out beside my car. There was no stopping him he turned the radio up then opened the sun roof, standing on the seat he was yelling at the passing cars, he was high.
"Stop, stop Zacky, lets go in here."
"That's a gay club Book are you sure?"
"Yep let's get you a lay for the night." All my antennas were up and I didn't like this one bit. The bouncer at the door wasn't going to let him in, but I assured him I would be looking after his drinks.
The place was almost full, drag queens shimmered in the lights, Twinkies tried to look butch and there were also many ladies. I had no idea wether they were straight or gay, my gaydar doesn't reach that far. I ordered a coke and a Jim beam for Book, we found a couple of empty chairs next to a back wall table, I looked at him his eyes were bloodshot and menacing.
"Lets have a dance Zacky." The music was getting to me but I thought, no way buddy am I going to dance with you, not in that state who knows what damage will be done to me.
"No thanks, but by all means feel free to enjoy yourself." I didn't show him how mad I was. He jumped up and started his doof doof dance, it was crazy as he jumped up and down like a Zambian worrier. My heart was beating so fast because as he moved his body bulged and I suspected he was flexing deliberately, maybe that's his new mating dance. He had also taken his top off, he looked perfect in the club lighting. It worked for him because in no time three girls started grinding against him, as I said before he's never had any trouble picking up the ladies.
He went missing after that and I was over it all, I just wanted to go to bed.
"Booker sent this over and I was to tell you I am your lay for the night." A pretty good looking guy placed a drink on the table then sat in the other seat.
He grinned at my shocked face.
"That's very chivalrous of you putting out so eagerly for Books mate."
"I'm not really, but that's what he told me to say, Brien by the way." He held his hand out.
"Zack, pleased to meet you and I'm glad you didn't have to go through with it." I laughed.
"Well he's with my cousin and her friends they are fighting over which one is going to get laid with him tonight." I felt the tear arrive, hurt wasn't far away, but didn't show my hand. I learnt he is just getting over a bust up and the girls were trying to cheer him up by taking him out. He was no more interested in me than I was in him.
We talked for the next hour, I didn't see Book anywhere but we had a lot in common he was a schoolteacher for disabled kids, I knew where he worked and promised him we would meet for coffee when I'm in the area next.
My next problem was to find Book, so we walked over to where Brian had left them, when Book saw me he smiled that awesome smile then hugged me,
"He's cute isn't he." He said to Brian.
"Yes Book he's cute." I looked at Brian who was laughing because Book had slipped his hand down my jeans, he was checking if I had a fat or not. When he pulled it out he looked at me quizzically, because all he found was my soft cock.
"We have to go mate, I'm absolutely rooted." And I was tired.
"Ill catch you at home buddy, sleep tight." My anger started arriving because I could have avoided this whole night instead of bloody baby sitting.
"Okay take care and get a cab home don't walk." I patted his shoulder before I said goodnight to everyone and silently did the death march out to the front. I turned towards my car, let hurt have its way and started sobbing. I wasn't drunk at all I needed was a good cry and some sleep. He's going home with one of them and at the moment I hope he stays there. My peaceful life has been turned upside down once again and I didn't like it one bit. I thought about ringing his gran but thought better of it, if I can't help him no one can I suppose. I showered at three am and while brushing my teeth I looked at the three bottles of pills Book takes constantly, he said they were for his pain. I have written them down and will ask Hildy on Monday when I see her, she will know what exactly they are for.
I was out like a light the second my head hit the pillow and I had slept until midday. No Booker on his side of the bed, and I didn't expect to see his smile anyway. I put some shorts on and grabbed a tank top then went to make coffee, that fixes everything.
The sofa bed had been pulled out and there was Book and Brian, both totally naked. Book had cuddled up behind him and if I didn't know better he was slipping his eight inches up him. Both their eyes were shut so I took the sheet off the floor and covered them up.
"If your going to fuck in front of me at least have the decency to cover up." Book raised his head and yawned, then looked down under the sheet. He then immediately turned onto his back rubbing his eyes. I went and put my runners on then walked out the door just as he said.
"Zack, what happened, what time is it." I slammed it so hard the windows rattled.
I knew Book was maybe bisexual if not fully gay, just the way he holds me in bed tells me that, but he's taking the friendship too far this time, I wasn't going to lay down the law but I would like him to be a little more sensitive towards me and for a better word our home.