Booker Burns

Booker Burns. 1

By Maxieplus.

"Book Book, stop me, help." I screamed as my legs started hurting, stupid me had started running down the hill behind Book's farm. I felt a strong arm grab me and pull me to an abrupt stop.

"I got you Zachy, I got you."

"Shit that was a close one, I nearly landed on my face. Thanks buddy."

"Anytime Zachy we can't have your handsome face all mushed up." He blushed as that big grin appeared on his face. That was then, when we were just teenagers and now this is us.

"Can I carry your bag?" My boyhood friend Booker Burns nudged me.

"No, go away will you. For fucks sake Book half, the schools watching."

"Let them watch, I want to carry your bag for you." I quickened my steps to try and get into class before him. I used to sit next to him all the time but I made a big mistake in high school, I told him I was gay. So he's started treating me like one of his girlfriends. I try to get to classes and grab a seat next to someone else so he doesn't sit next to me, but nine times out of ten he pushes the girl or guy out of the way so he can. Then he sits there and grins at me. It's all a game for him and I must admit I love that game and I love him.

I have watched him over the years and I shouldn't treat him like this, because he has been a good friend to me. I have never had any problems from my schoolmates, in fact I was quite popular and of course I wasn't effeminate or out there either, that maybe helped. What helped the most was Book, he was the school hero, he was into every sport imaginable, or what was on offer in our big but quiet country town. He reached six-foot-tall when he was fourteen he towered over the other guys, his wild wavy dark strawberry blonde hair and blue eyes attracted plenty of female interest too, and he once told me he lost his virginity at thirteen and a half, but I didn't believe him.

Of course you all know this story. I was madly in love with him, but I never let on. I was proud to just be his friend I knew he was straight back then. Every time he had a new girlfriend I died inside, little by little it ate away at me until I had almost nothing left. I didn't go seeking like minded company until I went to university and even then it was a flash in a pan, as a gay guy I was a miserable failure.

Of course I had the girls hanging around me too, I wasn't ugly in fact I believe I was a hot ticket, but Book usually shielded me from the keen girls by keeping me busy, bushwalking or camping by the lake. Yeah we talked about me being gay but that's as far as it went, hands were strictly kept to themselves, I was too scared to do anything and adored Booker Burns from afar. His mother had died in childbirth and his father was killed in a barn fire when he was about thirteen. His old gran looked after him and after his father's death most the farm land was leased out to neighbouring farmers to work. Whatever Book did in sport I had to do too, so our bodies were pretty much the same, I stopped growing at six foot, Book ended up at six two.

As we got older my love for Booker Burns grew stronger, my inner hurt was constantly throbbing away in my body, sometimes it would hurt just to look at him. I learnt about hurt at an early age and its been a constant throb in my body for years now.

Book was going into the military because he said he always wanted a career in the armed forces, I had my doubts because underneath all that outer shell was a beautiful man, he didn't strike me as your normal military type. Plus, he had never mentioned the army until the prospect appeared in his head one day. I thought he would want to work the farm, his gran had chickens and a couple of goats to keep the grass down but Book wasn't interested in that sort of life anymore, his interest diminished when his father had died.

He didn't wipe that smile off his face for weeks when he got his acceptance papers and when he got a buzz hair cut I nearly cried, it changed him. My Booker was no more, someone else had taken him over and I cried because everything is changing in my life. I was set to go to Melbourne university to do a psychology course. I have always wanted to do social work, helping people gave me a lot of satisfaction, and this degree will help find me a job in the human resources area, in particular children's services. I felt I had something to offer people and was eager to start my studies.

I had begged him not to join up but he was insistent he needed to do it, if I knew then what I know now, he was doing it to get away from me, but not because he wanted to, because that was his way of keeping me safe.

The day Book left, a gloom came over our small town and more so me, we had hugged and he even kissed my cheek as a tear shot from my eye, it was real now. I didn't know when I would have the chance see him again and my heart felt the loss, my hurt grew unbearably stronger, it tormented my love for him something fierce inside.

"I will miss you so much Book, don't forget to email me every day." I laughed because I knew he wouldn't, I will be lucky to get a one liner out of him once a year.

"Take care Zachy and don't fall in love with anyone else, save that fine rounded firm ass for me." He flashed his white teeth, showing off his magnificent boyish smile. And yes Book my ass is yours anytime you want it, I think.

I prayed he was going to be safe, people change when they go into the military they are never the same when they get out. I suppose that's why so many men and women make it a lifetime career. Many ex servicemen don't make it when they go back into society and the blame I lay at the governments feet, and the war mongers who get richer on other people's misery. He will do six months intensive basic training, then be shipped back to Victoria for military exercises, then he goes overseas to maybe Afghanistan, and at that point I will lose my dear sweet gentle friend forever. My boyhood friend and love will be no more. I felt a real loss when I waved him goodbye, the hurt was almost unbelievable that night in bed, I sobbed my eyes out because I knew I would probably never ever see him again.

He will forget me when he gets some new mates and by the time he gets out he will probably be married with tons of kid's, this is how I saw his future.

With many thanks to my mum and Aunty who each put in money to buy my car for me, I could probably do the six-hour drive to Canberra to see him if I needed to, if he needed me that is. I never once expected him to make the trip to Melbourne, he will be to busy ravishing the local girls near the base, more hurt more depression.

On my last night the guys and girls from school had a farewell party for me, it was the same as Books just a dozen or so friends seeing mates off and probably wishing they were going too. This is a farming district and most of them were farmer's children, they mostly take over the farms when they leave school, or work in the local meat packing company in town. But they are all a great bunch of guys and I will miss them all, I will miss my mum the most after Booker.

I was packed and loaded up ready for the next day so I made it an early night and pulled stumps around eleven. I had my last pull in my boyhood bed after I got in. I wanted the memory to last so I stared at a photo of Book in his swimmers as I gently stroked away imagining Book in the nude. I have been having mind sex with Booker ever since he let me play with his dick years ago. Just kids playing sexy games that was all, but it did something to me, it changed me, and more and more I wanted it to happen again, but it never did. I finished up and rolled onto my side, sleep wasn't far away.

After a teary farewell with my mum in the morning I waved her goodbye and started down our street. I didn't know when I would be back, but its not far and there's always the phone. My mum has always been my friend; I could tell her anything. I even told her I had fallen in love with Book and on a few nights she listened to my sobbing when he had hurt me without even knowing it. By the time I was eighteen I knew all about hurt, that inner one that grinds away at you every minute of every day. I will miss my mum, but she's only a phone call away and my home towns not that far to drive to.

Traveling down to Melbourne was a breeze now the freeway is finished, and finding my Aunt Jenny's house in Collingwood was also easy, because I had spent plenty of my school holidays with her. Sometimes Book would come, but mostly he maintained the small patch of earth his gran had kept during the holiday breaks. I loved it when Book would stay in the city with me, he was a dork and every night he would turn to his side and throw his arm over me. I felt loved then, and the fantasies I had in those days would get me so frustrated. During the night I would have to go to the bathroom and have a pull then I would creep back to bed and his arm would move me in again. I even sometimes snuggled my ass so his dick would touch it, but that was my fantasy, not his.

"Hi aunty, I guess its you and me for the next however many weeks it will take me to find a place." I was joking with her because my room would be ready, it always was.

"Did you forget about the bungalow out the back sonny?"

"The bungalow, but isn't it permanently rented out?"

"It was, but my tenants left a month ago, so I thought you might like it to live in."

"Awesome, I love that little house. How much is the rent?"

"I don't need the extra money, so it's free for you." She squeezed me with a big hug.

"Come with me nephew." She walked me out the back through the garden, past a large hedge that hid the house from the bungalow.

"So I can live here instead of inside then?" I was excited to have my own place.

"For as long as you like kiddo I've had it painted and found some furniture and a new shower and stove have been installed, everything works but there's only one bedroom. I shouldn't imagine you will be taking in lodgers so I think you will be comfortable here on your own." She winked at me. I suppose she thinks I'm going to have a revolving door put on the front for my non existent imaginary boyfriends to use.

"It has its own private entrance you can bring your car around later." She produced a key and unlocked the door. It smelt of fresh paint and was small but a lot bigger than my bedroom at home. There was even a bed all made up and some food in the refrigerator.

"I got with your mum and we stocked it up for you, are you hungry because I have lunch ready then you better ring her and tell her you made it safely."

"Well I am famished and this is great aunty how much is the rent again?"

"We wont be talking about rent anymore honey, but you must pay the gas and electricity accounts."

"Thank you so much." I gave my little aunty a big big hug.

I followed her up to the house where I smelt something wonderful coming from her slow cooker. She had done my favourite, lamb shanks.

"Yummy oh." I rubbed my hands together.

"Not yet my boy go peel those potatoes for me first."

"Done, are we having them mashed?"

"Is there any other way?" She laughed at my eagerness.

I recon I had those spuds done in record time, she had the water already boiling so I dumped them in.

We sat at the table my stomach churned Aunty was watching me.

"You look so handsome Zack, adulthood suits you." I blushed and thanked her.

"Well its a shame Booker can't see your gentleness, he would make a great husband for you."

"What?" We play this game a lot.

"Just an observation dear nephew."

"Good god, has mum told the world about me?" My shocked face lit up.

"No honey, just me, your favourite aunty as you already know." She grinned then said.

"And I told the local soccer team they are dying to meet you." She laughed.

Mum and her spend hours on the phone laughing at some secret or joke, they are a couple of crazy ladies. They have been the basic source of my happiness all through my young life, my mum was a single parent, and to put it in her words. 'I wanted a baby, not a husband.' So I don't go looking for my father because even she didn't know who he was. She remembers the drinks the club losing her virginity but she couldn't remember the bloke. She thinks he was cute because I turned out very cute with maybe some Italian in me which is where I get my dark brown hair and green eyes from.

Although I can't read too much into it my mum and aunty Jen had green eyes too. Her parents my grandparents never gave her grief over having me, they adored me. They were also very broadminded and told me once my mum has always wanted to be a mother ever since she was small, so that made me feel pretty special, and explains her massive doll collection.

Aunty Jen wasn't so lucky, she married a lawyer who is now a queen's council, they didn't really hit it off living together so they divorced six months into the marriage, but he's still in her life they just don't live together, he never remarried either. I guess you have to want it bad to stay married all your life, that's what I want more than anything. A good marriage and preferably a son or daughter to love and cherish too.

Booker would be perfect he has a certain link with kids, they are attracted to him and he loves them all. He was forever helping out the younger ones at school. He would make the perfect father and husband, but unfortunately not with me.

"Penny for your thoughts nephew?"

"Oh nothing aunty just reflecting on life's little moments."

"Is Booker in those moments somewhere baby?" I give up.

"Yes with all my heart and soul, but we live in different worlds, he doesn't see my love for him and he really doesn't care how I feel anymore."

"Umm you have it bad baby, maybe someday, maybe soon you can never tell when love hits you hard."

"It already has and I am frightened there isn't enough left in me to love another."

"There is sweetie, come on mash those spuds and let's eat." I didn't need asking twice.

"Oh, and just so you know we wont be eating like this every night." I laughed at her face, she was trying not to laugh back. The meal was sensational and it was during it I got a text from Booker. 'Have you lost your virginity yet?'

I smiled and replied.

'Yes Book, they are lined up outside my door.'

'Well make them wear a condom.'

'There's no fun in that Book, commando is the buzzword.'

'I love you.'

'I love you too'

No answer, if only he meant it and instead of messaging me why didn't he just ring.

I helped clean up and was feeling rather tired so I pulled my car into the side driveway and unloaded what I thought I would need in the morning then I lay on top of the bed and had my first wank in my new house. I never thought of anyone else except Book when I did that, somehow it got me more excited.

I rang my mum, we talked for ages then started putting clothes in the closet.

A nice hot shower cleaned me up and a quick once over in the mirror, I tweaked my big nipples and wondered how they would feel with Book sucking on them. As I said I have no experience so I don't really know how it would feel, with anyone.

I slept soundly, it was so quiet in the back yard, no road noises at all just silence. I had set my alarm for seven I had to go to Uni to pick my schedule up and to have a look around, just to acquaint myself with classrooms and things. After I got there I happened upon the notice board and in particular the gay section where there was the times for their meetings. I wondered if I could attend, I have to do something soon, my life is rushing past so quickly I'll never find a husband if I stay in the closet.

"Thinking of going?" A voice beside me said.

"No just looking at what's on offer here." I turned and was looking into Books blue eyes, but they weren't Books they belonged to a blonde guy that sort of looked like him, without the pumped body. He smiled and held his hand out.

"Troy, pleased to meet you?"

"Zack, I'm new."

"Pleased to meet you Zack, I'm new too I'm living on campus."

"I live with my aunty a couple of suburbs up."

He was a looker for sure.

"Want to see my digs, I live alone."

"Sure lead the way." I had nothing to do and wanted to see the rooms.

I followed him to a room that was smaller than my bathroom at home, we sat on the bed and chatted for awhile. His hand reached for my crotch I moved it away.

"I'm new, I have no experience and your making me feel uncomfortable."

"We don't want that do we, so what time will I pick you up for dinner tomorrow night?" He laughed.

The next day I was sitting in a classroom with forty or so other students, all eager to get a start on their careers. The professor was hard hitting and was loading up our brains with information. I took a lot of notes because unsurprisingly I found it interesting.

Troy, true to his word picked me up around seven that night, we had a great dinner and we got to know each other a bit better. I told him about my best friend Book, he said he has had several partners but they didn't work out. On the way home he pulled into a dark car park. I got my first gay kiss from him and because I was so horned up I also got my first blow job, he was more than willing to do that for me. It was awesome I didn't think I would ever stop cumming, he expected me to do the same. I tried but didn't quite get the hang of it. I choked my way through trying to please him but my teeth were a problem. He yelped I said sorry it was my first time.

"I understand Zack, maybe next time." He kissed me again I think I hurt him but he never said anything, he did drive me home quite quickly.

Troy wasn't my true love but he seemed okay about it. It all fizzed out when he apparently met someone else the next day at the regular campus gay meeting, so I was on my own again. I had to have a giggle to myself how quickly he dumped me, but I did enjoy the kisses and the head job. I could still feel it weeks later and I wanted to do that to my friend Booker so much.

"Still a virgin?"

"Nup got my first blow job the other night, was fucking awesome." I answered. The phone went dead quiet he didn't reply. I have no idea why, he's had plenty of sex why would he begrudge me some fun in the sack. Maybe he's texting on the run, but I get the feeling Book's a little put out maybe. I do know he has a big dick when its fully loaded because we both measured ours when we were around thirteen, mine wasn't as big as Bookers was, his was almost fully grown at that age. It was all in fun at one of our sleepovers. I was, I suppose horned up just seeing his dick and I had to touch it to measure it. He then showed me how to masturbate, we laughed all the way to the end. I had no idea I was gay before then; we were just having a fun night. It has stayed with me to this day, and about a month later I started noticing my body changing. I was getting hair down there and my knob seemed bigger, maybe it had always been there but that was when I took notice of my body changes. Something else had changed too, I somehow had fallen in love with my best friend Booker Burns. I thought he was the handsomest boy at school I idolized him and I wanted him to be my boyfriend so much.

I took more notice of his body too, but not only his, the other guys were also looking different. I got a stiff whenever I lingered on a well rounded chest in gym class or a nicely shaped ass, these things turned me on and we wont talk about Books firm rounded butt either. After he showed me how to wank I would be at it at every opportunity and my images at climax were always of Book sticking his big dick up my bum, I even put my pillow under mine so I could receive it better in my imagination.

I wasn't a saint, my mum was so trusting I did look at a lot of photos of guys in different positions on the web, thankfully a friend showed me how to delete memory and stuff, but my mum never went looking in my room she didn't have any reason to.

I got myself all hot just thinking about it, my hand had made mr happy very happy as I slipped my pillow under my butt and let my adult imagination run wild. It has been ages since I have done it that way and I kind of enjoyed it.

I turned over and humped the bed after I cleaned up. I dreamt of fucking Book, he was awesome.

In the morning I had breakfast with aunty, she was talking about the local soup kitchen, and how she volunteers as much as she can, and would I be interested in helping out some days or nights. She had seen my sullen face and knew I was missing my friend.

"It will help you with your studies kiddo, and it is what you want to do isn't it, work with the homeless, social work comes under that title too."

"Yes aunty what would I have to do?"

"Serve the clients, encourage them to go on, lend a shoulder for them to cry on. Talk and play with the kids, anything you do will be a big help. My friend Hildy runs it she's a social worker and one of the best around. You could learn a lot from her."

She was right, I wanted so badly to make a difference to someone's life. I wanted someone to love me back too, but that's never going to happen anytime soon.

"When do I start?"

"Eat your breakfast and you can come with me, it's not far."

"I have to study."

"The best study is in the doing, not reading books, bring your car. I only want to show you around you wont be long."

We washed up and I grabbed my keys and parked out the front to wait for aunty to back out of her driveway. I followed her up to a local church that wasn't in service anymore, it had been turned into a community centre, I parked outside and waited for her to get out of her car. This area is full of high rise government housing, the tall brown buildings loomed over the quaint church like birds of prey. I guessed most of the soup kitchens business came from them.

"The council run this one in conjunction with the federal government, its Monday so there will be a few hungry people here, too much drinking on the weekends." She stopped and held my arms.

"Rule's, don't get involved. Whatever you see in here stays here, and don't take it home with you." I nodded because I really didn't know what to expect, but I was excited to start. We went around the side to where the kitchen was the smell coming from it was awesome.

"Hi Jen, picked up a gorgeous white fella on the way in did ya? well how can I help young man?" This aboriginal woman was talking to me. Aunty laughed.

"Leave him alone Hildy, this is my favourite nephew Zack, he's staying in my bungalow and is doing a Psychology course at Monash. I thought I would start his education from the ground up."

"Welcome Zack, are you a married white fella? "

"No no." I stuttered back. She had the most beautiful belly laugh on her, she got in my face and said.

"I know, you're one of those gay boys there's plenty that live around this suburb."

"What?"

"You're too handsome to be straight honey, come on I'll introduce you to cook, he's gay too." I couldn't help but love her she was awesome, so I followed this colourful lady into the kitchen. It was steak and kidney pie today and cook was sweating over the ovens as some pretty down and out looking people were starting to line up. The smell was intoxicating and I felt hungry again. The big trays were taken out and the giant sized pies were carved into meal sizes, the puff pastry was flaking off as cook sliced it into squares and his helper placed each piece on a plate, the other lady slapped a ladle full of mashed potatoes then peas and carrots and cook laid a coating of dark gravy over the lot. Aunty and Hildy started placing the plates on the servery bench which had hot rolls and sauces already displayed in a big basket and tray. I noticed cook was placing more trays in the oven, it must be a busy day for him.

I watched as mothers and children ate first, followed by a few young businessmen, they put money in the donation box but the others didn't.

"The ones paying are local shop workers Zack, they get a cheap lunch here for five dollars, it all works out well for us, and them." Cook was cutting up a storm again and I remembered Hildy's comment, he may be gay but I wasn't looking for a leather daddy type. I had no idea how many meals they served after the first fifty I lost count. I had started helping them because it was getting a bit crowded at the servery. Two guys were having a loud argument Hildy shouted at them to behave themselves or they can get out. One particular filthy looking guy yelled back.

"Get stuffed you black bitch." Cook had it all sorted and within minutes the guy found his ass sitting on the pavement wondering what he had done wrong. I felt sorry for Hildy she didn't deserve that, she was looking over at me then dropped her spoon and walked across the kitchen.

"Hey handsome, look at me."

I slowly looked at her but couldn't look in her eyes I was so ashamed.

She lifted my chin and said.

"Rule one, look everyone in the eyes." She held my chin.

"I have been called worse than that in my lifetime, and that was from my fella and kids. Don't take it on board and don't take it home with you."

I couldn't help myself I lunged at her and hugged the living daylights out of her.

"You like this little dark lady do you."

"I love black lady, she's very beautiful." And I firmly believe that, her heart was huge yet her skin colour attracted the wrong sort of attention. I was mad, but also amazed at the way she just went on with her work, like water off a ducks back.

I really had to go but I also wanted to stay, aunty patted my bum and said she would see me at home.

I kissed Hildy's cheek and gave the cook a thumbs up, his smile was cheesy.

When I got in I slumped on the sofa and immersed myself in what a fantastic group of people I had just spent three hours with. I then opened my books and started reading. It wasn't making sense to me at all and when I reread a few paragraphs with a different perspective it all fell into place. I applied my experience today to it, I could see it all in black and white.

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