Consider this the second edition of my story. I looked back at my early works and saw how much I have improved as a writer and thought it only behooved me to polish up what I had written. So, I went through and edited the story stylistically and structurally. The story is still the same, just shinier.
Disclaimer: This is a homoerotic story I have written, so if you aren't allowed legally, morally or ethically to read it, then don't. And don't post this anywhere else without my expressed permission. Feedback is very much encouraged, so hit me up at bluedragon314@gmail.com.
Ch. 9
As we got off the elevator, I saw Nick sitting out in the hallway with his arm around Aaron. Aaron looked terrible, like he had been up all night crying. James went over and hugged Aaron and I went to check on Brian. But the room was locked and the blinds were closed over his window.
"What's going on?" I asked. "I thought you said he was awake."
"He is," said Nick. "That's why the doctor and nurses are in there. They want to check him out and see if anything happened to his brain and they don't want anyone else in there."
James released Aaron from his embrace and took a seat next to him. I sat down next to James and stared at Aaron. He looked pathetic.
'Serves him right,' I thought. 'He thinks he can just come out of nowhere and steal Brian? Not without a price!'
'You know, you do have a point. That was a sneaky and underhanded thing to do. I mean, he knew you liked Brian.'
'Wait. Did he? No one told him I was gay. But apparently I had been making it rather obvious. Chances are he took a hint. But even if he knew I was gay, that doesn't mean he knew I liked Brian. I mean, Brian didn't even know I liked Brian.'
'This is true. And who could blame Aaron for falling for him? You've been doing it for the last two years.'
'Yeah. He is pretty hot. But even still, James didn't tell me. That rat bastard! What's his problem?'
'You know what his rule is about telling people you're gay. He applies it the same way to you, Brian and Aaron. He couldn't just tell you because it would break the rule.'
'He could have at least told me so I could avoid so much heartache.'
'And how would you do that?'
'I would have had time to get ready.'
'For what?'
'Competition! It would have been me and Aaron going head to head in mortal combat for Brian's heart!'
'And you'd lose that competition for two reasons: One, Aaron could kick your ass in his sleep. Two, Brian doesn't want you as a boyfriend. He loves you as his brother. Why do you keep trying to change that?'
'I don't know. Brian's just so cute and we've been through a lot together. But the same could be said for Aaron^ÅI guess old habits are hard to break.'
'Well, you'd better start breaking them because, if you don't, you'll keep breaking your heart.'
'Yeah, I guess you're right. So^Åwhat should I do now?'
'Hell if I know. I'm just your psyche. If I had the answers, you wouldn't be asking the questions. My advice: wing it.'
I looked back at Aaron. I had never seen him like this before. His eyes were filled with sadness and I started to feel really sorry for him. I had tried hating him, but he was such a nice guy and seemed so concerned about Brian that I couldn't feel that way any more. I was having trouble looking him in the eye and he seemed to have the same problem with me. With all the courage I could gather and in a shaky voice, I said, "I-I'm sorry."
All three of them looked over at me with confusion and Aaron asked, "What for?"
"For getting all upset and yelling at you guys last night," I said. "I was really mean and I feel bad about it and I'm sorry."
"You don't have to be," said Aaron.
"Yes, I do," I said. "And I really am. I should have never acted that way and shouldn't have gotten mad that you liked him and^×"
"Kyle, stop," said Aaron. "You don't have to be sorry. You reacted the same way anyone would have. Besides, I understand how you feel. I felt the same way when James told me he was straight."
"What do you mean?" I asked. I looked over at James and he was just staring at the floor. "How could James break your heart like that?"
"Very easily," said Aaron. "You see, when I met James in tae kwan do, my life really sucked. I was a huge loner. I didn't have any friends and didn't really do much outside of school. The year before, I had gotten in a really bad fight. One of the guys in the locker room caught me staring at him while he was changing and beat me up for it. He ended up breaking my jaw and I became the laughing stock of the whole school. Everyone knew me as the queer that got his ass beat down.
"After a year of feeling bad for myself and wanting to die, I decided I would never be humiliated like that again. I started working out and taking taw kwan do. That's when I met James. He was different from anyone else I knew. He was so easy-going and so confident in who he was. And best of all, he became my friend without caring that I was the biggest loser in my school. The more I thought about it, the more I figured that he must be gay or something because that was the only reason I though he would be nice to me.
"After a while, I had a huge crush on him. I was always thinking about how we would be boyfriends and do everything together and be in love. One day we were in my room goofing off and I came on to him. I was doing a really bad job and he wasn't really getting the message. So I told him I was gay and really liked him. He just said, 'Well, that explains a lot. Sorry man, but I'm straight.'
"I was really confused at that point. I figured that if he wasn't gay he would beat the crap out of me for coming on to him like that. But he acted like it was no big deal. And I was really upset that the boy I had been dating in my mind for so long didn't want me. When he left that night, I went up into my room and cried like my life had just ended. I never wanted to fall in love again. I stopped going to tae kwan do, I got rid of all the e-mails he ever sent me and almost broke my phone when I saw his number on speed-dial. I felt so terrible and I never wanted to see him again.
"But I kept wondering why he was so cool about it. Ever since I got beat up my freshman year, being gay was a huge deal for me and I expected everyone else to freak out about it. But when he didn't react at all, it really confused me. The only thing that kept me from killing myself over him was curiosity. I wanted to know why he didn't care and how he really felt about me.
"A week later, he showed up at my house with tickets to go see 'Fellowship of the Ring.' I had really been looking forward to it, but I did my best to try and get out of it. After I told him to leave, he said, 'This is about your gay crush on me, isn't it?'"
"He always had a knack for that kind of stuff," I said.
"Hey, life's too short to beat around the bush," said James.
"With you James," said Nick, "there is no bush to beat around."
"Anyway," said Aaron. "James hit the nail on the head, as usual. I told him that I really liked him and had been imagining for a while what it would be like to go out with him and that when he told me he was straight he broke my heart. Then he did the most unexpected thing I had ever imagined. He gave me a big hug and said he was sorry we could only be friends, but that he would make sure he was the best friend I ever had. And he has been. No one had ever been that accepting of me before and I still don't understand how he can do it."
"I've told you before," said James. "I'm your best friend and that's all you need to know."
"Thanks, man," said Aaron and they leaned over and hugged each other again.
'This was weird,' I thought. 'I've never seen them act this^Åsappy!' The most physical contact they ever had was when they were kicking and punching each other. This was a side I had never seen in either of them. But it definitely did explain a lot.
I looked over at Nick and he was looking at me and shrugged as if to ask, "What now?"
"So, why did you like James?" I asked.
They sat back up and Aaron said, "Because he had always been my friend when no one else was. That, and I think he has the cutest smile in the whole world." When Aaron said that, he looked over at James like a kindergarten girl would look at her first crush, and James beamed a huge smile back at him.
"Uh, James," said Nick. "I thought you said you were straight."
James looked over at him like he had just impugned his manhood, which he kind of had.
"Of course I am," said James. "But that doesn't mean I can't be flattered by another guy."
Aaron chuckled and said, "That was one of the great parts about being friends with James. He would let me hit on him and stuff and he was totally cool with it. It really helped me get used to all my gay feelings."
"I even let him kiss me," said James. "But just once."
"What?" said Nick. "You let him kiss you?"
"Just once," said James. "It was right after his graduation. He was feeling bad that he had gone all through high school without ever kissing a boy, so I planted one right on his lips in the gymnasium parking lot. A few people saw but we didn't care. We were never going to see them again. And it was great because he walked around like he was in a drunken stupor the rest of the night."
James laughed and Aaron blushed. And it made me think about what my relationship with Brian would be like. There were boundaries, of course, but it seemed now like there was certain potential.
"Well, I'm glad you got that out of your system," said Nick.
"Well, it's not completely out," said Aaron as he reached over and felt up Nick's leg. Nick slapped his hand away and Aaron and James laughed profusely at him.
But I didn't laugh. I was too busy thinking about Aaron. I was starting to gain a new respect for him. He had been through a lot more for being gay than I could imagine, just like Brian. I guess that's one reason they could relate so well. And now I was really starting to feel bad for being so mean to them.
"Hey Aaron," I said. "Just know that I'm really sorry. I never should have^×"
"Seriously, Kyle," said Aaron, "you don't have to apologize. One thing I have learned from being friends with James is that saying you're sorry only makes you feel sorry. It's good for when you need to feel that way, but it doesn't help you move on. I don't feel bad or anything that you got mad at me, so you don't have to feel bad. I'm not jealous that Brian loves to talk about you all the time, so you don't need to be jealous of me. If anything, I feel bad because I remember what it was like to be where you are. I feel^×oh! Can we help you?"
I looked up and saw a woman in a lab coat standing across from us, watching. "My name is Dr. Olsen," she said. "I'm the doctor who is taking care of Brian. The nurse told me you two were his brothers, but his medical chart says he is an only child. But don't worry," she said as she saw James preparing a statement. "I admire such devotion among friends. But I'd really like to see a blood relative if that's possible."
"That's going to be a little tough," said James. "His father is in jail for attacking him and his mother is in the hospital as well, incidentally enough for trauma to the head."
"I know about Mrs. Fleishman," she said. "I treated her myself. She's actually in a coma now."
"Really?" Aaron gasped.
"Yes," said Dr. Olsen. "That brick didn't hit her hard, but it hit her just right. Anyway, are there any extended relatives in the area that you know about?"
We all said some form of "no" and shook our heads.
"Then I guess I'll just have to give you the bad news," she said. "Brian does have a concussion, but you already knew that. We tested him thoroughly and there doesn't seem to be much neurological damage. No numbness, no loss of strength and his reflexes are fine. But he does appear to have some loss of memory."
"How much?" I blurted out.
"I was getting to that," said Dr. Olsen. "He remembers who he is, but he doesn't know how he got here. He doesn't remember a fight, or anything before Friday it would seem. The last thing he remembers is getting ready for a party and feeling really nervous. He wouldn't say why he was nervous, though."
'Wow,' I thought 'That really is bad news. Everything we went through, the most tumultuous days of my life, and probably his, gone.'
"Is there any way we could jog his memory or something?" asked Aaron. He was starting to tear up, probably thinking the same thing I was.
"There could be," she said. "But it's not going to be like turning on a light. He might remember a little, he might remember a lot, he might remember nothing at all. The brain doesn't like psychological trauma any more than it likes physical trauma. The first chance it has, it gets rid of any painful memories or experiences. Don't count on him remembering those things. Just try and remind him of the happy things he went through in the last few days."
'Irony never stung so bad,' I thought.
"So^Åhe doesn't remember anything?" asked Aaron.
"That's what he told us," said the doctor.
"What did he say?" pleaded Aaron.
"Just that he doesn't know how he got here," she said. "We asked him what the last thing he remembered was and he said getting ready for his father's party. But he did keep asking to see Kyle. Is that one of you?"
"Uh, that's me," I said.
"Then I suggest you go and talk to him when you're ready," she said. "My advice is to not try and interrogate or debrief him. He'll remember when his mind wants to. Right now it's just trying to piece together what it has left and you can't expect to put together a puzzle that doesn't have all the pieces. Just be yourself. Familiar faces and personalities will help a lot. Now if you'll excuse me, I have to go see my other patients."
She walked off and left us all thinking about what to do next. Aaron was trying hard not to cry, but it wasn't working.
"He doesn't even remember me," he said. "When we talked, when we came out to each other, nothing. It's like none of it never happened. I-I'm nothing to him!"
"Don't say that, Aaron," said James.
"But it's true!" cried Aaron. "It's like I never existed to him. He knows nothing about me!"
"Calm down, Aaron, and think about this," said James. "When you first met him he knew nothing about you. It was like you never existed. Now you get to meet him all over again. Isn't that romantic?"
As stupid and cheesy as James sounded, he managed to calm Aaron down. "I^ÅI guess you're right," he said. "And it gives me a chance to not look stupid in front of him this time."
"Well, there's not much you can do about that," said James. The two of them laughed, but it was nervous laughter.
"Hey guys," said Nick. "What are we going to tell Brian? More importantly, what is Kyle going to tell him?"
"Yeah, why does he want to see Kyle and not the rest of us?" asked Aaron.
"Well, he said he remembers back to getting ready for the party and I knew him before then," I said.
"But it's probably more than that," said Nick. "He was always hanging out with you and talking about you. And he's not asking for his parents or anyone else. Whatever you did had a very strong impact on him and has been preserved in his mind. He's trying to figure out what happened and you're all he can remember."
"But why not anyone else?" asked Aaron.
"I don't know," said Nick.
"So, what am I supposed to do to make him remember?" I asked.
"You heard what the doctor said," said James. "We can't make him remember anything. He has to do it on his own."
"You know, smell is the strongest sense linked to memory," said Nick.
"Not now, Nick," said James.
"No, James," he said. "This time it's important."
"What are you talking about?" said James.
"It's like this," said Nick. "The first time Brian met Aaron was when he was making pancakes at your house."
"So?" said Aaron.
"So," said Nick, "if you go in there with pancakes, it would probably help him remember some parts of the weekend."
"Oh, sorry," said Aaron. "I forgot my pan and batter at home."
"You can use the hospital pancakes," said Nick. "It's breakfast time and you can snag a plate from one of the food carts in the hall."
I looked around and there were carts lined up on the wall and the faint aroma of cheap hospital food in the air.
"So you think Aaron can just walk in there with a plate of pancakes and Brian will remember everything?" asked James.
"Not everything, but in theory yes," said Nick.
"In theory that sounds stupid," said James.
"Hey!" said Aaron. "I don't see you coming up with any bright ideas. I for one am more than willing to try it. If it doesn't work, I just get a free meal."
"Ok, give it a shot," said James.
"And Kyle," said Nick. "If he does remember, he'll really want you to be there. So go ahead and go in and see how he's doing."
"Ok," I said.
I got out of my chair and Aaron got up and went to scavenge for some pancakes. I walked towards Brian's room and my heart was pounding. I didn't know what to say or do. Nothing had prepared me for this. I stepped inside and Brian weakly looked over at me and said, "Oh, it's you, Kyle."
"Hey, Brian," I said. "How's it going?"
'What the hell?' I thought. 'He just came to and you ask him how it's going?'
"Fine for being in the hospital, I guess," he said. "Here, sit down."
He scooted over and made room for me to sit next to him on his bed. I sat in the space he made, trying not to take up too much room.
"So," I said. "How do you feel?"
"Not too good," said Brian. "My head feels terrible. The doctor said that I was in a fight at school and had a concussion, but she wouldn't tell me anything else. She said it's not good to try and remember everything right now and that I need to rest. But do you know what happened?"
"Well, kind of," I said. I was trying really hard not to tell him absolutely everything that had happened.
Aaron walked into the room holding a plate of pancakes. He stood at the foot of the bed staring at Brian and had a really dumb smile on his face.
"Who are you?" asked Brian.
"Uh, m-my name's Aaron," he said. "Do you remember me?"
"No," said Brian matter-of-factly. "Are you one of the nurses?"
"Uh, well, no, not really," said Aaron. "I'm just^Åjust^Å" He looked ready to cry again and set the plate on the table by Brian's bed and sat in the closest chair he could find, looking very dejected.
"Well, um, yeah," said Brian. "So Kyle, do you know what happened to me?"
'What should I say?' I thought. 'I know everything that happened, so telling him "no" would be a lie. But he will have to find out eventually. Should I just tell him now? What do I^×'
"Hey," said Aaron. "I heard the first few seasons of 'Malcolm in the Middle' are out on DVD."
"Really?" said Brian. "I love that show! Reese is my favorite character."
"Mine too," said Aaron. "He may be dumb as hell, but he's really funny. And he has some admirable qualities."
"I know," said Brian. "Most people don't usually think of him that way."
"Yeah," said Aaron. "Most people can't tell how he's so simple to understand and honest. His motives are always plain and, when faced with the choice, he does what is best for the ones he cares about. That, and he's hot!"
Aaron sat in his chair smiling a very nervous smile while Brian stared back at him quizzically. "W-what did you say?" asked Brian.
Silence engulfed in the room. Brian and Aaron just stared at each other.
Then Brian's eyes brightened and he said, "I do remember you. I remember seeing you at Kyle's house. We were watching TV together. And^Åyou made pancakes that morning. And I had gone to the doctor's office that day. But^Åwhat for?"
He reached up and felt his head. The cut still wasn't fully healed and he winced when he touched it. And then Brian went very pale and his eyes very wide.
"No!" he said. "NO! Anything but that! NOOO!" He started crying and shouting hysterically.
James, Nick and the nurse all ran in at the same time, the nurse pushing them out of her way to get to Brian.
"What's happening?" she shouted over Brian's screams.
"I think he just got his memory back," said Nick. "He had a really rough weekend."
The nurse looked back at him and said, "No kidding." She went over and checked the monitors and said, "I think we need to call in some orderlies to sedate him."
"No, don't do that," said Aaron. He turned to Brian and said, "Please, Brian. Calm down."
"How can I calm down?!" he cried. "Do you know what's happened to me?! Do you know how my life's just been ruined?!"
"Yes, I do," said Aaron. "We all do. We were there when it all happened. And your life hasn't been ruined"
"Yes it has!" screamed Brian. "Everyone at school thinks I'm a fag! My own parents don't even love me anymore! I can't play sports! I don't have a home! My life is over! I don't want to live any more!"
Brian started sobbing heavily between screams of terror.
"Brian, please calm down," said Aaron, desperately.
"I don't want to calm down!" said Brian, viciously. "I want to die! I want to die!"
He lurched forward and grabbed a glass cup from the table at the end of his bed and smashed it on one of the monitors. The glass broke onto his bed and he fished out a large shard.
"Brian, no!" screamed Aaron.
He grabbed the hand that held the glass, but Brian just moved his other arm over, exposing his wrist. James jumped in and grabbed Brian's wrist and tried pulling it away. Orderlies appeared outside of the door and Nick did his best to keep him at bay. This whole time I was still next to Brian in his bed and watched as this whole horrible mess transpired. I wanted to help Brian calm down, but I had no clue what to do, so I just helped James try and pull Brian's arm away.
"Stop!" yelled Brian, hoarsely. "Let me go! I want to die!"
"No, Brian, please don't die!" pleaded Aaron. "I don't want to lose you!"
"Lose me?!" said Brian. "What the fuck are you talking about?!"
"Don't you remember?" asked Aaron.
"Remember what?!" spat Brian.
"This," said Aaron.
He leaned over and softly kissed Brian on the cheek. As soon as Aaron's lips touched him, Brain stopped struggling. He let go of the glass and it went clattering to the floor. His eyes filled with wonder, his mouth gaped open.
Aaron stood up and said, "Remember? That's what happened after we came out to each other. You said you had never been kissed by a boy before, so I kissed you." Brian stared up at Aaron and a small smile crept across his face.
"Sorry to interrupt this moment," said the nurse, "but you need to get out of the way." Aaron stepped aside and she moved over and stuck a syringe in Brian's IV. At merely the sight of the needle, James passed out onto the floor.
"What are you doing?" asked Aaron.
"I'm giving him morphine to knock him out," she said.
"But why?" he demanded. "He just woke up. We just got to see him."
"Yeah, and he just tried to kill himself," she said. "Hospital policy says we need to knock him out."
"Aaron," said Brian.
Aaron ran over to my side of the bed and grabbed Brian's hand as he was being sedated.
"Don't worry," Brian said. "I'll be fine. I remember now that life isn't so terrible. I remem-remember that I have the^Åthe two things I've always wanted^Åa boyfriend, and a^Åa little brother."
Still holding Aaron's hand, he reached his arm around me and held be to him and kissed me on the head. Moments later he was asleep.
I'm not one to get all sentimental, but I shed a tear when I heard I'd made the same list as Aaron did, Brian's list of what he always wanted. That was the end of any resentment I felt towards Aaron or Brian.
The orderlies picked James up off the floor and cleaned the glass off of Brian's bed. We had to leave and let Dr. Olsen give Brian a psych evaluation when he woke up. But I would have had to leave anyway because I had to go to school.
People were still talking about Brian at school, but now it was about how he had wasted Shawn and his friends out by the dumpsters. Some were even questioning the rumors about him being gay, but it didn't matter now. The damage was done.
After school, I went straight to the hospital to check on Brian. When I got there, he was picking at some lame hospital food and Aaron was sleeping in a chair. Brian was glad to see me and I took my place by him on his bed. I told him about my day and how he was now the hero of the school for taking out Shawn. He was quite pleased to hear that. After some organic chemistry homework and a movie (Blade II), James came over to pick up Aaron.
"Bye Aaron," said Brian.
"Goodbye, Brian," said Aaron. "I'll see you in the morning."
I was glad his "shift" was over, because now mine could begin. It was late and Brian was notably tired. I leaned over and hugged him, he put his arms around me and I snuggled in for bed. Brian fell asleep much faster than I did and I stayed awake feeling him breathe and simply enjoying his arms around me.
I was once again his human teddy bear. And I have come to realize that that is exactly what a brother is: a human teddy bear. A brother is someone you can play with, talk to about anything, hold on to when you're lonely, and cling to when you're scared. And I was able to hug him right back. And if that's what it takes to fulfill my job as Brian's brother, then I'm perfectly fine with that. And it didn't matter that sex wasn't involved because I didn't really want him that way anymore. I mean, he's my brother, and I'm not into that.
Shawn never did any time for his attack on Brian because Brian didn't press charges. He figured it would be worse for Shawn to return to school as the guy who got beat up by a queer, and it was.
But Brian's father did plenty of time for assault and attempted assault. He eventually got out on parole, but not before he was given syphilis. He and Brian have not seen each other since the trial, and neither regrets that.
Brian's mother came out of her coma after a few weeks, but experienced severe amnesia. She is living with her sister now. Brian goes and sees her every once in a while, but she has no memory of ever having a son.
Nick lost a bet over the summer and we made him apply for MIT. When he was accepted, we found out why he didn't want to go in the first place. He got all emotional when he got his acceptance letter and cried because he didn't want to leave us. We threw him a huge going away party and I really think that helped him let go.
Aaron and Brian began dating over the summer and are now madly in love, and I am very happy for them. They are going to the same college that is just a few hours away from here. Brian is majoring in physical education and Aaron in entrepreneurship. They became roommates, of course, but I can tell you that not much studying goes on in that dorm. But I am welcome to visit any time and have not lost my place in Brian's arms.
James is still the same fun-loving, needle-hating, insightful and caring son-of-a-bitch he always has been. He's tried dating a few times, but no relationship seems to stick. They always complain that he is too involved in his job, but he doesn't care. He loves getting paid a lot for something he loves to do. The interns still get mad that he only has a GED, and his boss is more than happy to set them straight.
As for me, my life has changed considerably since the fateful night that Brian Fleishman showed up on my doorstep, dripping wet and bleeding. I have taken to not analyzing life so much. I have found that trying to explain people and relationships is useless because they often make no sense at all. Don't believe me? Then you try and explain how a huge jock and an even bigger geek became fast friends. And I have taken steps to not be so obvious about my gayness. No one at school knows I'm gay, even after all that has happened, and I'd kind of like to keep it that way. But I am thinking about telling my friends. Yes, I actually have friends now, and I am also in the market for a boyfriend. But that's another story entirely.