I know this is a well-known line but this IS my first time writing something like this. Please do not be gentle though (not in that way pervert :), and if there is anything that could be improved, feel free to e-mail me any time and dround me in your criticism. Also, I have very limited knowledge of BSB, so please bear with me. Before the next chapter comes out, I'll make sure to do detailed research on them. For now, all I know and care about is that I'd give 10 years of my life for one night with Brian. We can all dream. Ok, now the boring stuff. This is fantasy... DUH! I've never met BSB, and even if I had, I doubt they'd tell me if they're gay or not. If you're under eighteen... well you know you shouldn't be reading this (not that anyone actually respects that anyway), and if you are offended by homosexual romance or sex, then why the HELL are you on this website anyway?!
There was darkness below him, and although the lights of the city made the night look young, just few still dared to walk in the half-empty streets. He stood in one spot like he was frozen, with his body slightly shaking on the cold January wind. His clothes, soaked with icy rain, burned his skin making it numb to the wind and pain that ripped through his leg. There was no sound coming from his half-frozen lips; only rain drops as heavy as ice could be heard, hitting the cold cement of the building roof. No one could see him or hear him if he cried out, the roof was way to high and the people were too occupied with their own little lives. He looked at them with no emotion in his sharp blue eyes, while the sounds of car sirens and emergency vehicles made the irony of what he was about to do even greater. He felt like singing but his throat wouldn't give out any sound at all. Instead, something that could barely be called cracked whisper, came out of his half parted lips: "So many words from the broken heart It's hard to see in crimson love So hard to breathe Walk with me, and maybe Nights of light so soon become Wild and free I could feel the sun Your every wish will be done They tell me..." Then he stopped. For a brief second it seemed like he was about to cry but nothing happened. The song wasn't a hurtful memory; there was nothing meaningful about it, but still...It seemed like something he didn't want to do but it came out. One of those things none of us can control. One of those things that just happen for no reason. Like the reason he was born, the reason he lived the way he did, and the reason he stood there knowing that it's time to go. That there is nothing more he wanted and was able to find in the world he lived. He received everything he didn't want, owned everything he didn't need, and was loved by women he couldn't love back. The things he really needed, he wasn't allowed to have. Suddenly he felt more tired than he did in years. Soft smile flew over his lips and he stepped on the sharp edge of the roof. Rest; the word seemed so calm and warm in his mind that he forgot about all the pain. One step was enough. Just one little step over the edge and there will be no more pain, no more suffering, no more loneliness. Just warm darkness and rest. The cold wind hit him in the chest and made him shake violently. The rain drops made his skin feel like it was pierced by thousands of needles and then left to bleed to death. The icy air smelled of winter and snow, mixing with smells of dirty streets, garbage, and stale clothes. He looked towards the sky and breathed in the air like it was his last time. In that one instant it flashed in his mind that it has been months, if not years, since he looked up at the sky. From where he was standing, it looked like a whole another world, shiny and new, full of wonders and promises of a happiness; something that he knew was impossible in the world he lived in. Scanning the city with his tired eyes for the last time, he felt like spitting on it, but there was no point. Nothing had a point any more. He closed his eyes and saw his world. Small house in sea of trees, laughs of children, sun light hitting him in the face and making him feel like he was finally home. Just one little step and he would be home forever. One little step. Nothing more or nothing less for an eternity of happiness. Reaching for the sun with his bruised hands, he cringed with pain but lifted his leg off the ground. He could feel the warm blood soaking his pants for the third time, but this time he didn't care. Already feeling the empty space under his foot, he smiling stepped into the dark abyss. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "What's taking you so long?" "I'll be right there." "C'mon, it's fucking cold out here." "I'm coming damn it." Hallway bore a very close resemblance to a garbage dump. Drawings on the walls were everything but fresh, while empty cans, and leftovers of rotten food threatened to trip you and send you flying down the hundreds of stairs bellow. Window on the right side of the stairway was long broken, and left with sharp glass sticking out as some type of warning. Quick steps echoed the hallway and then stopped in front of the dirty door with broken lock. "Robby! You can look for the damn money later, we don't need it right now anyway. Let's just fucking go already." When there was no response, the voice started sounding irritated: "Listen, I don't wanna stand here the whole night. I'm gonna go see if Mike showed up. We'll meet ya on the roof, k?" "What? Oh yeah...ok, sure" Fifteen minutes later, the door opened and a tall boy stepped into the dark hallway. For one second the light from the apartment shone over his long blonde hair tied in the back and trench coat darker than night, and then everything was black again. His steps echoed the hallway as he walked up the stairs towards the roof. Stepping out in the cold rain he shivered for a second: "Mark?" There was no response; only cold wind and sound of icy rain drops hitting the roof. He hesitated for a minute, then stared walking to the place they usually met at. There was something weird in the air, he could feel it by the crawling of his skin, and he could smell it too as he was getting closer. There was someone new on the roof... someone he hasn't seen before. It was weird; it seemed like every part of his body was responding to that new presence. Although he knew that he should turn back and not do anything until Mike and Mark showed up, he couldn't help being curious. His sense of smell was never as strong as it was in that couple of seconds, and he finally recognized the warmth that was leading him on. It was blood. Human blood. There was human being somewhere on the roof and it was bleeding for some time now. At that point he couldn't turn back even if he wanted to. Almost running towards the place where the scent was coming from, he hoped that Mark didn't already show up and was following the same trail. Walking into the small clearing where the roof was covered in pale shadows of the moon, he stopped, hesitating. There was a man on the very edge of the roof, and he stood so still and undisturbed that Robby thought he was dreaming. Then the man slowly raised his hands towards the black sky and lifted his leg to step off the roof. Robby lost his breath: "Shit..." Jumping over the stack of cables and old pieces of furniture that lay around him, Robby was standing next to the man in the matter of seconds. In that one tenth of the second he knew all about him; his pains, his happiness, his depression, his life, his wishes... there was something so breathtaking about that man that it clouded his mind. Grabbing him from behind, Robby pulled him off the edge and the man, stumbling backward, leaned on Robby with all his weight, falling on top of him. Quickly getting back on his feet, Robby felt warm blood on his hands and he quickly wiped them on his jacket. There was blood all over his clothes and the roof. He swallowed hard. The man seemed unconscious. It seemed so easy to just reach for his throat and drink... Shaking his head Robby squeezed his eyes shut for a second. He knew he was stronger than his urge for blood, no matter how much it burned his insides. The man moved slowly cringing his face with pain and trying to open his eyes. Robby was still hesitating. Just as he was about to turn and walk away, he could hear the voice from the other side of the roof: "Robby! Robby, Mike is here...let's go!" He kneeled quickly next to the man and softly touched his legs and bleeding places with his palms. Hundreds of thoughts crossed his mind in an instant, and only half of those were his. The rest of them he knew belonged to the half-concious man. He saw a child playing with his father, then a boy with baseball hat on his head, then that same boy, as a young man with voice so beautiful that it sent shivers through his body. There were other people in those memeories too. Older couple with warm faces, boy's father and mother, his grandparents, his friends... everyone that meant something in his life. But more then memories, Robby could almost see man's feelings... all his pain, everything that ever made him happy in life. The man's feelings washed over him like a cold waterfall, thretening to dround him, while he barely managed to keep his hands steady over the wound. There was a light flowing over both of them, but only for a second. Shivering, Robby stood up, and with his legs more unsteady then he ever remebered, he pulled a ring off his finger. Placing it on man's chest and taking a last look at his face, he quickly started walking towards the voice. Still cleaning the blood off his hands, he walked straight into the tall, dark guy who was calling his name. Another guy, somewhat shorter but with strong build and muscles that were clearly showing through his shirt, stood back in the dark, like the light was about to burn him to ashes. Robby smiled at him: "Finally. It takes you forever to get here." "Who else is here?" Robby swallowed hard but didn't move: "There was human on the roof, I guess he was trying to kill himself..." He could see the tall guy's eyes growing large and cruel while he smiled: "Human, huh? How about that....unexpected dinner." "He's dead Mark. I found him remember?...he was my dinner." "Why is the smell of the blood so fresh?" "He's probably still bleeding...but he was old anyway. Let's go find something young and alive. I wouldn't wait here for Derrick... just in the case someone comes looking for that dead guy. I don't know about you, but I really don't want some pathetic gang at my throat." Mark stood there for a minute like he was trying to decide if Robby was telling the truth or not, then turned around and started walking towards the exit. Following him slowly, Robby turned to look at the shadow of unconcious man for the last time, and then quickly stepped into the dark stairway. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ "Brian!!...Brian!!" His first thought was how he would love to scream out 'Shut up!' at the person calling his name. But opening his mouth at that point seemed as painfull as trying to rip his own skin apart. His head felt like he had a hangover from at least a week of drinking, while his whole body seemed to be covered in thick ice. Opening his eyes slowly, and after squinting at the light that almost blinded him, he noticed that it wasn't night any more. It seemed like a cloudy and wet morning, with sun desperately trying to fight its way through the clouds. His second thought cut him sharper than knife: 'I'm not dead.' "Brian!!!" He closed his eyes again and tried to move his legs, expecting the sharp pain from last night, but instead nothing happened. His muscles hurt, end every single bone in his body felt like it was broken, but there was no pain from knife wound in his right tight. Slowly sitting up and gritting his teeth in pain, he felt something slide down his chest and hit the cement of the roof. He picked it up clumsily, with fingers half frozen, and hearing someone's steps behind him, pushed it in his shirt pocket as quickly as his hand would move. Someone colapsed right next to him, and in the matter of seconds, he was wrapped in a warm jacket with someone's hands holding him so tight that he could barely breathe. Trying to form words and get them out of his mouth seemed to take forever, and even then, it hurt so much that he could have screamed. Instead, his voice came as hoarse wispher: "I'm ok Kevin... you're gonna choke me..." Kevin, strong looking guy with dark hair and even darker eyebrows, seemed to jump up from Brian's voice. But he didn't loosen his grip on him, while his voice was shaky and cracked; if Brian didn't know him better, he would have though that Kevin cried for hours before: "Sorry... we have been looking for you for the last three days... we were afraid that you might be dead. Are you hurt?? There is blood all over your clothes..." Brian touched his leg slowly like he couldn't believe that it's actually there. His pants were dark brown from the dried blood but the wound was nowhere to be found. "No...I don't think I'm hurt..." He stood up slowly expecting the pain to kick back at any second, but besides the blinding pain in his muscles that he already knew, there was no other pain. There was something weird about all that. He was sure that he got stabbed the night before, and that he was bleeding so much that he should have been dead by morning. Seeing the confused and somewhat terrified look on Kevin's face, he tryed to sound calm: "Seriously Kevin, I'm ok..." He didn't have the time to say more. Another guy, with his hair equaly dark as Kevin's but slimer built, threw his hands around Brian before he even heard him coming. Brian didn't even try to hide the open shock on his face; AJ held back from hugging his own mother in public. The fact that he was gripping Brian to the point of choking made him wonder if he maybe really is dead, and everything that was happening was either heaven or hell. Struggling for breath, Brian made a muffled sound, and AJ let go of him quickly stepping back, which made Brian almost lose balance and fall back on the ground. AJ's face was slightly red, and a flood of questions came out of his mouth, obviously trying to cover up his emberassment: "Where were you?... we we're all so worried, even the police's been searching for you... Are you hurt?.. you're clothes are covered with blood!... Where were you?.... Nick was bawling for three days straight... we were worried you might be dead...." Brian felt his knees shaking slightly. He knew that that feeling , and he also knew that if he didn't sit down soon, he would colaps: "It's a long story... this isn't really the time or the place..." AJ nodded quickly. It seemed like he didn't really expect Brian to answer anything at that point: "Yeah, you're right... sorry. Lets just get you back to the hotel, K?" "Yeah... that would be a good idea..." Just as Brian started wondering if he'll have enough strength to walk even the first five steps without his legs giving out, AJ scupped him up in his arms and started walking quickly towards the stairs leading off the roof. Brian oppened his mouth to protest, but fist words died on his lips when he realized that he had no chance of moving on his own anyway. Slightly irritated by it, he looked at Keving following them, and caught a small grin on Kevin's face. As soon as Kevin saw him looking though, he made an unnecesary cough, and pretended to study the ground under his feet. Sighing, Brian wrapped his hands around AJ's neck, and let himself rest against his chest. He knew that as soon as he gets better, Keving is never gonna let him live that down. As soon as AJ walked into his hotel room, Brian was right away wrapped into couple of blankets and found himself on the bed with warm cup of coffee in his hands. Kevin and AJ sat on the chairs next to the bed not saying anyhting. Barely 15 minutes after they walked in the room, a third guy, with face that showed he was fairly younger than all of them, stormed into the room and threw his hands around Brain almost knocking him off the bed. For the first time, the fact that he was almost chocked by someone's hug didn't seem to bother him at all. Instead, he hugged back as hard as he could manage, pulling his fingers through boy's blonde hair. Kevin made an irritated sound: "Nick, Brian is still weak... you'll strangle him to death." Nick moved back almost as quickly as he jumped to hug Brian in the first place, and glared at Kevin. Then sticking his tonuge out at him, he sat crosslegged on the floor next to the bed. Brian almost chocked on the laughter he was trying to swallow, and quckly drank some coffee to cover it up. He regretted letting the boy out of his arms though. One look at Nick's face showed him large bloodshot eyes, and face tired from lack of sleep which Nick was trying to hide with his hair. Everyone was staring at him with the same expression on their faces, and he knew it was the time to say something. Apologies never came easy to him, and he had to force the words out of his mouth: "I'm sorry I scared you guys...that was kind of stupid of me." Nick's lips were trembling as he spoke: "Yes it was...if you only knew how much you scared us...we thought you were...you were dead..." Although he tried really hard to control himself, Nick all of the sudden started crying softly. Brian felt like someone slapped him in the face. He made Nick cry... Nick, who everyone always tried to protect, and who cared for every one of them like they were his own brothers. He never really though that his actions could affect any of them in that way. He expected them to be mad, start yelling at him, and accusing him... but crying...: "I'm so sorry Nick...come here..." Without waiting to be asked twice, Nick curled up next to the Brian holding him tightly and letting Brian rock him back and forth as he was crying. AJ just stared at the floor like he was trying to think of something to say. Kevin's voice came out very quiet, like he was afraid to break the silence: "What happened...why did you...?" The door behind him slammed, and Kevin jumped up not finishing his question. "I know why!!" Standing at the open door, and looking straight at Brian, the fourth guy didn't seem to have any intention of running over and hugging him. As the matter of fact, he didn't seem to have any intention of entering the room. "Howie what the hell do you think you're...?" Howie didn't let him finish. His large, dark eyes that seemed so warm were full of hate, while his voice was angry, as if it's about to explode: "I know exactly what I'm doing. You wanna know why Brian keeps acting the way he does? This is why." He threw a medicine bottle on the bed next to Brian and watched Brian's expression turn from surprise to supressed anger: "It's none of your bussiness what I take and what I don't take...!" "It's not? We agreed that you won't be screwing up again, remeber?! Can you explain why the two-months worth of your medicine isn't even open?" Brian was quiet. He could feel Nick's eyes burning on his skin like poisoned arrows. He tried to explain himself but he knew right away that it won't make much difference no matter what he says: "I though I don't need them any more...I felt so much better. With the hectic schedule and everything...I just though it would be easier to stop taking them..." Howie's voice wasn't getting any softer: "Easier for who? Easier for you? When are you gonna start thinking about anyone besides yourself? We had an agreement when we started this band! You broke it 100 times and every time we forgave you! How many times more??" Before Brian could say anyhting, Kevin cut in motioning Howie to be quiet: "That's enough! Brian is tired, we should leave him alone to get some rest. We'll talk about this later; or even better tomorrow. Now everybody out." Howie walked out first, slaming the door behind him. Brian whispered looking at Kevin: "Thanks...I'm sorry." Kevin smiled but there was no fogivness in his voice or eyes. He motioned AJ to leave and when AJ walked out he spoke softly: "Nick, let Brian get some rest...we'll get a chance to talk to him later." It seemed like Nick had a hard time loosening his grip on Brian, but he still stood up slowly and walked out. Just as Kevin was about to walk out too, Brian suddenly thought of something: "Kevin? How did you guys find me?" Stopping in the middle of doorway, Kevin frowned slightly: "It was kind of weird... we were just about to turn in for the night, when this guy stopped us in the street. He looked at AJ and me like he was remembering our faces from somewhere." Kevin ran fingers through his hair giving Brian a confused look: "I thought that he recognized us so we started panicking, thinking that he'll start making a big deal about it. But he just stared at us, then said that the person we're looking for is in the floor of building 32, on Saria Street. Then he left so fast that we couldn't ask anything else. It came out that he was telling the truth." Frowning at Brian again, Keving asked: "Do you know who he was?" Shaking his head, Brian felt pressure in his eyes. He couldn't remember... it was so hard to remember. Kevin sighed then spoke softly: "Just rest. I'll send some food up." Brian listened Kevin's steps echo the hallway, not knowing whether he should laugh or cry, or maybe both in the same time. His chest was heavy, and he wished Nick could have stayed for just a little bit longer. It was so comforting holding him in his arms... but he had to face the reality. Nick was probably as mad at him now as everyone else. He screwed up one more time. Bitterly he wondered how many more times he'll manage to get out of it alive. As soon as everything around him became quiet, he pulled out the object that he found on his chest that morning. Then he unconsciously smiled although he was completely confused...it was a ring. A golden ring with three small stones in it; a ruby, a blue sapphire, and an emerald in the middle. Then he touched his leg like he was making sure that it's really there. He remebered clearly that he got stabbed last night, but still there was no wound or any sign on his skin that there was anything there... ever. He laid down on the bed and made himself remember every detail of the last night. He was out, for two days already, he slept in a hotel room down town with some blonde hooker he found on the street, then spent the next day trying to find her when she left that same morning with his wallet and all the money he had. Without any luck, he gave up and started trouble becasue he couln't control his temeper without the pills, then got himself stabbed by some guy whose face he couldn't remeber, ran for hours, bled for hours, and then got caught in the sudden wave of depression which almost made him commit suicide. Then he was pushed down... on the floor of the roof. Sitting up suddenly, he realized that something or someone has saved him from dying. Slowly, like pieces of a puzzle, a face started appearing in his mind. It seemed like a dream... this boy with face of an angel, standing above him. With light surrounding them both but just for a second... then pain and darkness. Looking at a ring like he was expecting it to give him an answer, Brian tried remembering anything specific about boy's face; anything that would help him find the boy again. The hair... the hair was what triggered it off. The boy had blonde hair, shiny and soft just like Nick's just a lot longer. All of the sudden he had every detail of the face in his mind. It was so beautiful, it didn't seem human... Brin was convinced it was though, because he remember the warmth of the hands holding him, when they both stumbled off the edge. Carefully memorizing every line of his angel's face, he drifted off into a restless sleep. Comments! Should I keep writting? Criticize, criticize, criticize...