Installment number nine is coming at you. First, I'd like to inform you that the last installment got me a whole three email responses. People, the email feedback is a necessity. It only takes a minute, and you have no idea how much it helps us authors. If you're reading, please, please let me know! Send any and all feedback you have to sdauson@hotmail.com immediately! :)
Disclaimers: This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally.
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading sexually graphic or erotic materials, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Authors Note: This installment is two days late, as will be the next one. I'm trying to move it to get in on the Thursday update, cause that's when I got the most emails. This installment is also a little short, but I really didn't feel like making it longer. See what happens when no one emails? Anyway, my address is sdauson@hotmail.com. Send me something, anything. I really appreciate it.
A big thank you to Jeff, Alan, and Chris, the three people who happened to write me over the last installment. You guys are all the best. :) Anyway, remember to keep an eye on two of my favorite stories, 'Brian and Me' by DLS, and 'Studio in the Country' by Mike. Scotty's 'Beneath it All' and Ad's 'The Project' are both definitely worth a look as well. All are awesome stories, and it would be in your best interest to read them. :)
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 9
"Looks like we've got the whole night to ourselves," I whispered as erotically as I could into Evan's ear. We were still both on the bed, arms wrapped around each other. I could feel his body working beside me, his steady breathing, his subtle heart beat. Life was so magical when you thought about it. I held him tight against me, it was such a comfortable position. No wonder I kept finding myself in it.
I was to the right of him, now up on one elbow, looking down at the back of his blonde head. He was facing the same direction as me until he turned himself over, and was then facing me. "I guess we do," he said with his beautiful smile. He slowly began to run his hands up and down my chest.
I won't go into details, maybe it's because I've always been a bit shy, maybe it's because I feel it might cheapen what happened between us, or maybe because I feel it's really none of your damn business. What matters is that one thing led to another, and we made love that night. It was so perfect, so flawless. I can't describe it any other way.
He'd been as enthusiastic as I was during the actual act, but as soon as everything was done and over, he suddenly became very self conscious. He had no reason to be, I can assure you of that. He was beautiful in every respect, perfect in every way, but he was still curiously shy. I suppose some people are just that way. At his request, we took separate showers, and dressed ourselves again afterwards.
Maybe he was a little scared too. I knew I certainly was. Our relationship was moving awfully fast, one week he's a regular high school student, the next he's having sex with a famous singer. It must have all come down on him those few minutes after we made love. It explained the separate showers, certainly. He was trying to keep things under control, manageable. The request that we get dressed again was still part of him being overly self conscious, I was pretty sure. Either way, I didn't think it so odd of him any longer.
As soon as we were clean and clothed again, he seemed to relax a little. I felt bad for him, knowing that what we did made him so tense and uneasy. We were back on the bed now, this time with his head on my chest, and me rubbing his shoulder gently. He was either in deep thought, or starting to doze off. "You still awake?" I asked quietly.
"Yeah..." he said. He slowly repositioned himself so we were lying exactly parallel, then put his arm across my mid-section and gave me a hug. "I'm sorry, Brian..." he said, almost too quietly for me to hear.
I was pretty sure I knew what for. It made me feel terrible, that he felt he needed to apologize for something like that. "For what?" I asked, probing for anything in particular he might have been sorry for. I turned to look him in the eye as I asked my question.
He let out a sigh. "For tonight," he said cautiously. "I've... I've never done anything like that with anyone before, and..." he trailed off for a moment. "It's just, just that we were moving so fast, and..." he couldn't seem to bring himself to finish a sentence. He looked so lost, so helpless, like a small child who knew he did something very bad, and was expecting some sort of punishment. I couldn't let him feel that way.
"Evan..." I said with a bit of force in my voice. "There was nothing wrong with tonight. There is nothing to apologize about." I put a little more compassion in my voice. "You did nothing wrong, okay?" I gave him a smile, hoping not to make him any more uncomfortable than he already was, and perhaps to alleviate some of his misplaced guilt.
He sighed again and hugged me tighter. "I love you so much, Brian."
"I love you too, Evan. More than anything in the world." I held him tightly for a moment. He seemed to need it, to be in my arms, to know that I cared about him. A smile spread on my face as I remembered my trip to the Jewelry store. This was the perfect time to give the necklace to him. He needed something to take his mind off the events that had just transpired. "That's why I got you something." I said as he looked up to see the grin on my face.
I almost knocked him off the bed when I jumped up to get his present. He was dazed for a moment, but soon regained his sense of direction, and he was right behind me as I moved to the closet, where I'd stuck the small brown bag. "I know it's your birthday Tuesday, so I got you a little gift." I said as I handed him the small box which the paper bag had contained. "Open it." I was smiling as widely as my facial muscles would allow the entire time.
He looked up at me with his beautiful eyes, a small smile on his face. He searched my own for a moment before taking the box from my hands, and opening it slowly. As soon as he had it open, he picked up the necklace at looked at it for a moment. He seemed genuinely stunned. "It's... it's beautiful, Brian." he finally said.
I took it from his hands and gently fastened it around his neck for him. I took a step back so I could get a good look at him. It really was a beautiful necklace, and it looked great on Evan. "It doesn't do you justice," I told him with another smile.
He looked ready to cry as he swept me into a hug. "Thank you so much, Bri." he said, his voice shaking slightly. "Thank you."
"You deserve it Evan." I said, pulling back to look him in the eye. "I've only only known you for a week or two, but I've been around you long enough already to know that you are who the world should look up to, what humanity should be. You are perfection in every way. I can't imagine anyone I'd rather be with."
I suppose that's what finally did it, as tears started to escape from his eyes. I pulled him into another hug, holding him tight against my chest. After a moment, he pulled away again, this time managing a smile. "Thank you, Brian," he said again, this time with much more confidence. "For everything. I love you so much," he said.
"I love you too, Evan." I said in return.
He wiped at his eyes once or twice before trying to visually regain his composure. "Come on," he said, grabbing my hand and pulling me back to the bed. "I've done enough crying for today. Let's watch some TV."
A smile broke out across my face. "I knew it!" I said, exaggerating my tone. "You have an obsession with television."
He sat me down on the bed and then got onto the bed himself. I was on the right edge of the bed, and it was wide enough so that Evan could lay himself perpendicular to my line of sight. He did just that, resting his head on my knee. "I never denied it," he said, smiling himself as he grabbed the remote.
Giving no verbal reply, I placed my hand on his head, and began to gently stroke his head. He had the remote control in his hand, and began flipping through seemingly random channels. He never did find any one program he liked, just kept changing the channel every couple of minutes. It probably would have annoyed me if I wasn't busy thinking of other things. For the better part of the day, I'd been thinking of the rest of the Backstreet Boys, and what they didn't know about me.
I knew I couldn't keep my sexuality from the guys much longer. And in all honesty, on some level, I felt they even deserved to know. As much as I didn't want to tell them, as much as I would have liked to put it off, I knew it was something I had to do, and soon. I intended to make the most of the next two days I had with Evan, which would probably be the last time I saw him for who knows how long. I certainly couldn't do that keeping our relationship a secret from everyone around me.
"That can't be comfortable," I said, noticing he was still resting his head directly on my knee. "Come on, let's lie down." I said, snaking my hands underneath him and lifting him off my leg.
"Okay," he said simply, and did the rest under his own power. We both moved into our now almost customary positions on the bed, Evan's head on my chest. As I recall, it was always that way, his head on my chest, and never the other way around. It always served to remind me he was still new to this, taking the passive role in the relationship, and of his youth, the fact that I was so much older than him.
It wasn't long before I caught myself drifting off. I had had the two hour nap not all that long ago, but I was still tired. Flying always did that to me. It was a small feat of willpower that I'd managed to stay awake for as long as I had that day. Knowing there was nothing interesting on TV, and coming to the realization that I wouldn't be able to pull Evan away from it regardless, I let myself go. I was sound asleep in less than a full minute.
Sleeping there, with Evan on my chest, it was only natural that my dreams were about him. Most of my dreams up until then had been about Evan anyway, even without him sleeping on me. I couldn't get him out of my mind, he was such an integral part of my life already. If there's one thing I'm bad at, though, it's remembering dreams. I only remember I didn't like everything I saw there. I'd crossed that line with Evan, I'd had sexual contact with a minor. My dreams served to only amplify those thoughts.
A soft knocking at the hotel room door brought me out of my sleep and back into reality. I was still a little shaken from the thoughts my mind had supplied me while I slept, but it didn't manifest itself physically. I found Evan asleep on my chest, his own chest rising and falling rhythmically. I'd figured flying had similar effects on the two of us, or perhaps he had just been too comfortable to not fall asleep. The knocking ceased before I could clear my mind enough to answer it.
The door slowly opened, and Nick poked his head inside. "Hello?" he almost whispered before he noticed me on the bed, looking straight back at him. "Hi," he said, still in a subdued voice, so as not to wake Evan. He smiled broadly at the sight.
"Hey," I said, equally quiet. "What happened? I thought you'd be gone all night."
"No, no, we just went for drinks," he said. "I told you we were old friends, not old lovers." he smiled at me again. "Besides, I'm pretty sure it's later than you think, my friend. It's almost eleven thirty. You know Kevin doesn't like me out by myself past midnight."
"Ah..." I said. It was indeed later than I had expected. "I guess I was sleeping for longer than I thought." I returned his smile. "I was pretty tired."
"Seems you weren't the only one," he said, pointing to the sleeping figure on my chest.
I gave him another smile. "He's beautiful, isn't he?"
Nick nodded his approval. "He is... Should I leave you two alone?" he asked. "I'm going to be getting ready for bed in a little while anyway. It's been a long day."
"No, it's okay," I said, thinking about it for a moment. "I'll let him sleep. Pull up a chair, though, there's something I want to talk to you about." he probably would have been a little worried had I not been smiling at the time.
He grabbed a chair from the far side of the room, and, being careful not to scrape it along the floor and make any noise, he brought it to the bedside where I was still lying, and sat down. "What's up, Bri?" he asked.
I let the smile slip from my face. "I think I'm going to tell the rest of the guys," I said, knowing he would understand what I was talking about. I wasn't looking at him, but rather at the ceiling above me. As soon as I'd said it, I knew I was no longer just thinking about telling them, but that I was going to tell them. It wasn't a question of whether or not to do it anymore. Now, it was a question of when. The only answer I could provide myself was 'soon'.
"Are you sure?" he asked me, now obviously concerned. "I mean, that's a big decision, and some of them might not be too understanding."
I knew exactly what he meant, but it was something that had to be done. "It's a risk I have to take," I replied. "I have to tell them. I mean, I want to spend all the time I can with Evan, and that's not going to be easy keeping all this a secret from my best friends. Besides, I can't keep this a secret from them for ever. If they're going to find out sooner or later, it might as well be now."
"Whatever you want to do, Brian, you know I'll be behind you." he replied.
I turned my head so that I was facing him. "Thank you," I said, smiling again. "How do you think I should tell them? I know I want to do it some time tomorrow, but I haven't thought about how, exactly."
"You sit them down and tell them," he said, looking me straight in the eyes. "Simple as that. I'll be at your side, if you want."
I took my hand off the bed, and reached out to grab his. "When did you get to be so mature?" I asked him, giving his fingers a slight squeeze. He smiled at me and got up from his chair, explaining he was going to go get something to drink. He offered to get me something, but I wasn't thirsty.
He returned to my bedside a moment later, but didn't sit back down. "It's bedtime, you know," he said smiling. "You need to go back to sleep. You've got a big day tomorrow."
I smiled at him. "Okay, mom." I knew he was right, though. Aside from what I was going to reveal to my companions, I had to be up early for church. I wondered for a moment if Evan would be joining me. Religion was something we never had discussed, but I figured I'd deal with it in the morning. For the time being, I wanted more sleep.
Nick smiled back at me, still hovering over the bed. He was unusually subdued that night, probably pretty tired himself. Maybe he'd had a little something alcoholic to drink, I thought. I'd deal with that in the morning as well. Kevin was very strict about him not drinking, among other things. "Alright, then. I'm going to bed too, Bri. I'll see you in the morning."
"Night, Nick." I said before he turned out the lights, and went into the bathroom to prepare for his night of sleep. I ran my right hand through Evan's hair several times, thinking about how wonderful he was. I could feel myself fading already, though, and I was asleep before Nick had a chance to re-emerge from the bathroom.
There you have it, the ninth installment. I hope everyone enjoyed it. I know, I know, you're probably pretty annoyed with my 'sex scene', or lack thereof. You can chalk it up to lack of inspirational feedback, if you like. I just couldn't do it, though. Sorry guys. Please email me telling me whether or not you still liked it, cause I love hearing from you guys. And just in case you're wondering, I do respond to all emails, so if you take the time to write me, I'll take the time to write you back.
This installment is two days late, but with a good reason. Summer has started, and I find myself with more to do than I did during the school year. And, as I said above, I'm trying to edge this story back into the Thursday Nifty update. Anyway, I'll try to have the next one out within two weeks as well. I hope you'll be watching for it. And again, this installment is not quite up to 20kb. You can accredit that to my lack of emails as well. I get no email, I have no inspiration. It's simple.
What's coming next time? As you may have already guessed, Brian's going to be coming out to the rest of the guys. It should prove very interesting, don't you think? Any comments or suggestions? Email them to me at sdauson@hotmail.com. Anyway, I'll talk to you guys later...
Sam