Hey, guys. I've got Part 17 here. These past installments Anyway, write me with what you think. That address again is sam.dauson@gmail.com.
Disclaimers: This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any person(s), living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. It's fan fiction, and is not based in any sort of reality. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally.
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading sexually graphic or erotic materials, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Author's Note: Again, most of this installment was written prior to me abandoning the story for so long. I don't even remember most of what happens, I just want to get it out there, no edits or anything. Just think of it as "classic" Blind Faith. ;)
And as always, a huge thank you to everyone who has been so supportive of me and my writings, past, present and future.
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 17
Being without Evan the first time was painful, to say the least. This time, however, it was nearly unbearable. He'd been by my side, with me almost constantly for the past two days, and now, that was suddenly gone. I knew I'd see him again, but not knowing when that would be was only further torment.
No matter how much I wished otherwise, though, there was nothing to be done about it. The world was still turning, and I had to keep smiling for the people in it. The Backstreet Boys had another concert that next night, and Kevin wasn't going to let me slip into some sort of mild depression.
Had it not been for Nick, I probably would have done just that, despite whatever efforts Kevin would have made. Nick understood me, understood what Evan meant to me, and I couldn't possibly describe how valuable that was. If I had to choose a word to describe the feelings of my band mates toward my sexuality, I would say 'accepting', with the exception being Nick. Nick was... understanding, sympathetic, and it made all the difference for me in the world.
"You can't just stay inside all afternoon, Bri." Nick sat in a small chair, opposite the bed I was lying on. My room was dark, at least compared to the relentless intensity of the daylight at that hour. The curtains were closed, the lights off. Like Evan's wet clothes had to his, the absence of light suited my mood.
"You can't make me go outside." I stuck my tongue out at Nick.
"Come on, Bri." he reached out to touch my arm. "I mean, you'll talk to him tonight, at the latest, right? Would it really be so bad if you had some fun in the mean time?"
I sighed heavily, and looked away from Nick. "Yeah, like nine hours from now. About eight and a half hours too long a time." I shifted uncomfortably. "Nick, he'd only been on tour for a few days, but that's all it took for me to get used to having him with me, you know? I'll be okay in a day or two, I'm just going through a little withdrawal." I turned back to face him with a smile to prove my point.
"So you're officially in love, just to be clear, right?" he smiled back at me.
"I am," I answered without hesitation. "I'm in love, Nick. I haven't told many people, no one but you and him, in fact, but it's the truth."
"He's a great guy." he said slowly.
I nodded silently. "I'm glad at least you think so, Nick." I paused to give myself time to form appropriate words. "A.J. and Evan can say they've made up, but I know there's always going to be tension there. Howie hasn't said much of anything yet, at least not to me, and Kevin..."
"Howie's fine with it, I told you, remember?" Nick interrupted.
I turned my head smiled at him. "If you say so." My gaze shifted back to the ceiling above me. "But Kevin thinks the whole relationship is wrong. That night he called me over to his room, after the dinner, remember?"
I saw Nick nod out of the corner of my eye.
"He and I... well, we got into an argument just as Evan and A.J. were getting into theirs." I paused to take a deep breath. I wasn't enjoying recalling any portion of that evening. "He told me that being with someone as young as Evan wasn't right... he told me I couldn't do it anymore, that I couldn't keep seeing Evan."
There was a moment of silence before he responded. "You know he had no right to do that, right?" he paused for just a moment. "Besides, he's the one that's wrong. He's not anyone to say how much of an age difference is too much of an age difference."
"I know, Nick." I turned to face him again. "I don't have any intention of calling it quits with Evan either just because he thinks I should. But if I don't, I know him and Evan aren't ever going to be buds either." I sighed. "How is Evan ever supposed to feel welcome in my life if even just one of the Backstreet Boys disapproves?"
"He'll see past that, Brian, trust me. He loves you, it's obvious, and he's not the kind of guy who's going to let Kevin, A.J., or anyone keep him from you." Nick replied.
"It just bothers me too, ya know? Like Kevin doesn't trust my judgment." I sighed again, feeling the weight of the conversation pushing on my chest.
"Whatever Kevin thinks of Evan isn't the only problem with Evan coming on the tour, you know..." Nick trailed off, obviously hesitant to push the topic.
"I'm aware," I replied dryly, but trying to put some warmth in the tone, so that Nick knew I wasn't upset with him for saying it. "I've been over that too... but I don't want to talk about it right now, okay?" I felt depressed enough without forcing myself to analyze the implausibility of Evan being with me on tour.
"I understand, Bri. I'm just sorry things are turning out this way. I wish there was something I could do to help."
"I know, Nick. I know." I smiled at him again. "You're the best friend a guy could have, you know that?"
He smiled back. "Yup."
"It's noon already, Nick. You're hungry, I can tell. Go grab yourself some ice cream or something, okay?" I smiled again for good measure. "You need some nutrition. I'll be okay here, honest."
He eyed me carefully, as best he could in the dim light. "I normally wouldn't give up so easily," he started, seriously. "But I am hungry, after all."
I grinned. "Surprise, surprise."
"I'm bringing you back something, though." he added as he stood from the chair. "What would you like?"
I pondered it for a second. "Cheese. I think I'd like some cheese." I smiled at him, still lying on the bed.
He didn't reply, but just smiled, and turned in the direction of the door. I turned my attention back to the ceiling, and heard the door open and close quietly.
There wasn't anything of significance that happened the rest of the afternoon. Nick brought me the cheese I requested, and told me that the other guys were concerned about me. I told Nick to tell them that I just needed a little alone time, and that I'd be okay. I knew they cared about me... all of them, A.J. included. I suppose they just needed some time to adjust to the change of circumstances. Some time to try to understand the relationship between Evan and I.
While I certainly wasn't in the best of moods, I hadn't lost much of my appetite, and ended up eating a good chunk of the cheese. Nick had brought me quite a large quantity. I probably would have eaten more, but after a while, it was obvious my stomach wasn't enjoying it as much as I was, and I was forced to find some real food.
Rehearsal came again at four that day. I left my room to meet up with the rest of the guys in Kevin's room an hour before, and even managed a little socialization before Kevin got us out of the hotel.
My stomach had fortunately settled itself by that time, otherwise, rehearsal would have been... not so pleasant. There wasn't anything remarkable about that rehearsal either, nor was the concert worth much mention. Just another performance, what I did for a living. There aren't many accountants who'll tell you a new story about every job they complete, and I'm no exception. It was just another routine concert for me.
After we were done performing, and showering, of course, there was the standard meet and greet we usually had to do. I tried my best to be as cheerful and friendly as possible, more for Kevin than the fans. It was hard keeping my attention focused; my mind wanted to wander, and mull over thoughts of Evan. I wouldn't be surprised if I came off as somewhat of a ditz to those girls who were there, distracted as I was.
I'd been busy constantly since the afternoon, and resolved that the first free moment I had, I'd use it to call Evan. More than likely, that probably wouldn't be until the five of us were on a plane again, flying to the next tour stop. Right after the meet and greet, it was off to the airport, where we would board a plane to St. Louis for yet another concert.
"You going to call Evan?" Nick sat beside me in the rear-most seat of our Suburban. I liked the car, it was comfortable, spacious, and certainly not as high profile as a limo.
"Not just yet," I smiled at softly. "I think I'll wait until we're actually on the plane. It'll be a nice distraction from the flight."
"I can't believe flying still upsets you. I would have thought after all the hundreds of plane trips we've made, you'd have been fixed by now." he smiled, making an effort to keep from laughing at his own statement.
I rolled my eyes. "Whatever. Watch it, though, Nick. Much more of that, and I'll see to it that you're the one who gets fixed."
"Ouch."
"'Ouch' indeed." I replied quietly. It was my turn to keep from giggling under my breath. He kicked me from his sitting position as best he could, just hard enough to make me rub the affected area with my hand. "Oww." I stuck my tongue out at him.
"Let's keep thinks civil back there." Kevin asked from the seat in front of us, turning around to face Nick and I. He smiled at me. "And I just want to thank you, Brian. I know you put on that happy face at the concert for my benefit, and I appreciate it." I think he wanted to add more, to tell me that he at least understood how I was going through a tough time, but seemed to decide against it.
"No problem, Kev." I replied.
There wasn't time for further conversation, as the distance from the hotel we had been staying at to the Minneapolis airport wasn't all that great. We had arrived, those of us who had stuff we wanted to carry with us on the plane grabbed it, and we exited the car. All the other luggage was taken care of by someone else, so all we really had to worry about was getting ourselves on that plane.
Fortunately, we managed to get through the airport and onto our plane with no interruptions. Over the past year or so that the Backstreet Boys had been pop super-stars, we'd found just the right mixture of sunglasses and baseball hats. As long as we had somewhere in particular to go, and didn't hesitate to get there, it usually worked for us just fine.
I made sure to grab a window seat, despite my dislike for the altitudes a plane reaches. I could always just close the window shade. With Nick in the one seat next to me, it would make for at least one seat between me and any other band mates. I just don't think I would have felt comfortable on the phone with Evan with anyone but Nick sitting right beside me. I sat down, making myself as comfortable as possible before takeoff. Nick took his seat as well.
I pulled out my phone and dialed the number.
"Bri, I miss you." he answered before the second ring.
"I miss you too, baby." I turned to see Nick grinning at me. I waved a hand at him to show I didn't appreciate being watched. "How're things at home?"
"Just as I left them," he responded.
"Good." I smiled.
"How about you, Brian?" he asked in return. "How are you holding up, you know, with the rest of the guys?"
"With the rest of the guys, I think it's safe to say they're just as you left them." I hum of the plane's engines started suddenly. "Otherwise, well, we've just boarded a plane to our next tour stop. Did I ever tell you how I feel about flying?"
"You can't be serious," he said, almost with a laugh. "You don't like it?"
"I hate it."
There was a silence in which I figure he was contemplating whether to make it easier on me or tease me more for my irrational fear. Thankfully, he decided on the former. "I'm here, Brian, if you want to talk, take your mind off it, whatever."
"Thanks, sweetie." I smiled. "How did your mom react to your eye?"
"Like a mother, how else?" he replied. "She's more concerned about how I feel, and if I'll be alright than with how it happened though, so I think it's all good."
"That's a plus."
"Yeah, though it's definitely no fun having to keep things from my mom. I dread answering the questions she's going to ask about my "college visit": 'was it the right school for you?' and such."
"Speaking of keeping things from your mom," I started, wondering when I'd get the opportunity to meet Mrs. Mitchell. Considering the age difference between Evan and I, I feared it would be rather awkward. "Any plans to tell her... you know..." I trailed off.
There was silence at the other end of the phone for a few seconds. "About you?" he asked.
"About us," I replied, concerned. If only I'd known.
Evan laughed, but it was awkward, forced. "One step at a time, Bri. Right now I'm still trying to decide how to explain the fact that I came back from a college visit with no souvenirs or even literature about the school."
I shook off any feeling of anxiety I had, and laughed a bit. "Right, right, probably a good idea."
To my great surprise, at that moment, Nick plucked the phone out of my hand, and placed it against his own head. If we weren't already well in the air, I would have been pissed at him for stealing my take-off support.
"Hey!" I exclaimed at his grinning face. With a grin of my own, I punched him in the shoulder. He made a mock-hurt face, then waved his hand at me just as I had done to him, trying to get me to turn away. For that I punched him again, and watched intently as he spoke to Evan.
"Hey dude! What's up?!" he called into the phone. He laughed. "Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Aww, thanks bro." He grinned at me. "I see. Alright then, you take care of yourself. Yeah. Bye," he smiled again and handed the phone back to me.
I took it and grinned at Nick. "Sorry about that, babe. Honestly I don't know why we ever let him out of his cage."
Touchdown was tough without Evan on the phone, but Nick was there to take my mind off it a little bit. "So, out of curiosity, just what did you and Evan talk about for the few seconds you had him on the phone?" I asked.
He grinned. "Nothing."
I glared.
"Alright fine, we talked about you." he laughed. "Are you surprised? We umm.. didn't talk long. But he told me he was glad you had people like me and the rest of the guys in your life, because you deserve to be surrounded only the best."
I smiled that that, but somewhere in the back of my mind thought it was sort of an odd thing to say, to not somehow include himself in the list of people that 'surrounded' me, especially his role in my life now more central than ever.
"So there, now you know. Happy?" Nick asked.
"Definitely." With that, the wheels touched the ground, and the plane trembled as it rapidly slowed to taxi speeds. The captain's voice crackled over the intercom, welcoming us to St. Louis.
We disembarked together, and headed down to baggage claim where we would meet our driver to take us to the hotel. We knew him by the sign he held, one which read "KBNAH". An astute fan might have been able to figure it out and realize it was us, but it certainly drew less attention than a sign announcing this man was about to take the Backstreet Boys out of the airport would have. Sure enough, he was standing alone.
Kevin greeted him, and he introduced himself to Kevin as not a driver, but as an executive from the record company. He certainly spoke with all the formality and stiffness of one. "Mr. Richardson, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We've received some threats as to your well-being here in St. Louis, and we have reason to believe that said threats are more than just idle. We wouldn't take such drastic action if we didn't believe that there is a very real danger here."
Kevin eyed the executive as the rest of us exchanged worried glances. "What kind of 'drastic action'?"
"Mr. Richardson, we're canceling your performances here in the Gateway city," the executive replied. "The Backstreet Boys tour is going on a one-week hiatus."
Everyone else seemed upset and disappointed at the interruption to the tour, worried what the fans of St. Louis would think. And they were also very curious about the threats made against us, but the executive either couldn't or wouldn't give any more information about what exactly had been said and how the call was made to cancel the performances. Everyone was very distressed about the whole situation-- everyone but me.
Granted, these were all valid concerns, but I only had one thing on my mind: we had a week before our next performance, and I knew exactly where I'd be spending it.
There's the 17th installment, at last. If you have anything to say, send it to my inbox at sam.dauson@gmail.com. I will, as always, be forever grateful.
Sam