Alright, I'm back. The emails didn't really pour in, but I suppose it was enough for me. :) Anyway, those who did respond seemed to enjoy the story, so I guess I'll keep writing it for now. Just as with the last part; any comments, questions, or just feedback in general, send it to sdauson@hotmail.com. I do take the time to read each and every one, and usually respond to them. So write to me! :) Thank you.
Just as before, this story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. Bottom line, this is fan fiction, nothing more. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian or anyone who knows him personally.
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading such material, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Authors Note: This is the second installment of Blind Faith. This story is narrated in the first person by a fictional (see disclaimer above) Brian Littrell. Anyway, this part's a little longer than the last one, cause we all know bigger is better. :) I hope to keep all future installments at least as big or bigger than Part 1, as I consider it a fairly short installment.
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 2
Reality suddenly came back to me, and I broke the kiss. What had I done? How could I have been so stupid? I had to leave, had to get out of there. What had I done? It all seemed so clear now. I'd blown my career, all my friends, everything. I looked at Evan. He sat in a daze, obviously stunned beyond words. I couldn't read his face, and couldn't tell what he was thinking. Regardless, I had to leave. I got up, and hurried out of the diner as fast as I could.
I felt tears begin to make their way down my cheek as I walked, with as much speed as I could manage, down the street. I headed in the general direction of the ski lodge. After all, that's where my car was. It didn't really matter, though. I just had to get out of there, away from that situation. How could I have been so ignorant? What in the world possessed me to take such a moronic risk? It was my own stupid fault. When would I ever learn? I continued down the street.
I must have gotten caught up in my own thoughts, because I didn't hear Evan as he approached. All of the sudden, Evan was at my side. He almost had to run to keep up. I wondered how he had managed to catch me in the first place. He began to speak.
"Brian..."
"I, I..." I cut him off. "I have to go," It was all I could think of to say. I didn't want to face him right now. I'd deal with it later, tomorrow or the day after, just not now. "I'm sorry, Evan. I really am. I..." I trailed off again. "I have to go."
"Brian," He tried again. "Brian, stop." He gently grabbed me by the shoulder, and turned me to face him. "Don't go, please."
"But... but..." All I could do was stutter. I looked down at the ground. I felt like such a moron, not just for making a fool of myself in the diner, and humiliating us both, but because I couldn't compose myself enough to even speak.
"Brian, it's okay," He tried to reassure me with a smile. "It's okay," he repeated. "No one else in the diner saw. I'm fine with it, don't worry, Brian." He seemed sincere.
I couldn't believe what I was hearing... The fact that he tried to catch me lead me to expect forgiveness from him. I would have been grateful for that on its own. But acceptance? That certainly caught me off guard. "Really?"
He nodded, and a slight smile came to his face. "Look, Brian. I like you. I'd like to get to know you better." He paused, and suddenly seemed to lose his nerve. He looked down at the ground, but continued. "Umm, here's my phone number," he said as he handed me a slip of paper. "I... I have to go. If you don't wanna call, I understand, but, well..." he didn't seem able to finish his sentence. "Bye, Brian. I hope to hear from you."
With that, he turned and walked in the opposite direction. His car was probably in the same direction as mine, but I assumed he had to go back to pay the bill of our uneaten food. I almost felt bad for sticking him with it, but then again, that was the deal, wasn't it? It took me a moment to collect my thoughts, and I resumed my course for my own car. Had I understood him correctly? Was he actually interested in me? I looked at the slip of paper in my hand. It certainly seemed that way.
I slowly made my way back to my Jeep in the ski lodge parking lot. Things were sort of hazy for me at that point in time. I certainly had a lot to think about. I got into the car, and drove back to the hotel I was staying in for the night. What a day. The first thing I did when I returned, after changing out of my ski clothes, of course, was sleep. I curled up in my bed, and just slept for hours. By the time I woke up, it was nearly eight. I had slept for almost 6 hours.
I had to admit, after a good long nap, things looked much clearer. I breathed a sigh of relief with the realization that everything was going to be okay. I smiled at the thought. Nobody had seen what happened in the diner, Evan wasn't going to tell anybody, and moreover, he seemed interested in me. Everything had actually turned out pretty well, all things considered. I smiled to myself again, but made a mental note never to try anything that foolish ever again.
I took the small piece of paper which contained Evan's phone number out of my pocket. I held it in my hand for a second, just looking it over. I twirled it in my hand a bit. This was it. I was actually going to do this. With another sigh, I threw myself onto the bed, and made myself comfortable. I took out my cell phone, and slowly dialed the number.
It rang for just a moment before someone answered. "Hello?" A female voice at the other end of the line said. 'Probably his mother,' I though to myself. I couldn't get over the fact he was only sixteen. He certainly didn't act it. Still, I felt guilty for taking an interest in someone so young.
"Hello, could I please speak to Evan?"
"Sure. Hold on," she said. I could hear a television faintly in the background. Some shuffling, footsteps, and a moment later, Evan's voice came over the phone.
"Hello?"
"Umm... hi, Evan." It came off sounding a little too sheepish. I was getting nervous again. I forced myself to smile, despite the fact that he, nor anyone else could see it.
"Oh, hi, Brian. Uh, what's up?" He still wasn't entirely comfortable talking to me, but then again, as I just mentioned, neither was I with talking to him. And in all fairness, he had a good excuse. There was no logical reason for me to be acting this way. I mean, I was an adult. I almost laughed at the way that came out in my head.
"Nothing much, I suppose.", I replied. "I just woke up from a nice nap, as a matter of fact." I smiled slightly to myself. Now for the first order of business. I wanted to be absolutely clear on one subject, the subject. I had to be. Had I misunderstood him earlier and not double checked, the results could be disastrous. "About what happened today...", I began.
"Look," he said, interrupting me. "I told you, don't worry about it." There was nothing harsh about his tone. I could almost hear him smiling. "I wont tell anybody, I swear it."
"That's good, but..." I trailed off again. "I just wanted to know if..." I was trying, but I couldn't bring myself to finish the sentence. This was all so new, so foreign to me. I was hoping he would finish it for me, but I had no such luck. "About the kiss..."
"Brian, I don't know what was going through your head back there earlier, but, well..." he took a deep breath, and continued. "But I'm sure it was a mistake. I mean, well..." another pause. He almost seemed reluctant to continue. "Let's just leave it at that, okay?"
It wasn't really rational, all things considered, but I couldn't just leave it at that, not after all I'd been through up to that point. I knew he felt something too, I just knew it. I mean, what had all that 'I'd like to get to know you better, Brian' stuff been about? And the phone number? There was definitely something there, I was as sure of that as I was my own name. I just had to persue it.
"Look, Evan." I composed myself, and began. "I owe it to you, I owe it to myself, to at least tell you the truth. I like you too Evan, I think you're cute. I'd like to get to know you better as well. You think there might... maybe, umm, be a chance of that happening?" It took all the will power I had to force that last part out. I bit my lower lip and crossed my fingers in anticipation of his reply.
There was a long silence on the other end. For a second, I almost figured he hadn't meant what he said earlier, and that would be the end of it. I'd be back to square one, and all alone again. I felt on the verge of tears. Finally, he spoke again. "I'd like that."
All of the sudden, I was overjoyed. It was a tiring emotional roller coaster indeed, but it seemed worth it at that moment. I tried to keep the excitement out of my voice, but I don't think I did a very good job. "That's great. Let's meet somewhere tomorrow. Know any good coffee houses?" I was practically bubbling.
All the anxiety and apprehension had left my voice, and I'm sure he could tell. I think it probably even scared him a little. "Uhh, sure. Theres a good place just a few blocks away from here. Where are you now?"
I told him where I was staying, and he proceeded to give me instructions on how to get to our meeting point. We picked a time, and with a brief exchange of goodbyes, we hung up. It was all set. I was going to meet him again tomorrow at 1 in the afternoon. It was a Sunday, so he didn't have school, and I'd be here until Tuesday evening. It worked out perfectly.
That last thought led my mind onto another problem. What was going to happen once it came time for me to leave? I like to think I'm a different person now, but back then, I hadn't been known for planning ahead, and I wasn't about to start then. I'd deal with the matter when the time came.
I didn't get that much sleep that night, but it was only because I couldn't seem to calm myself down enough to actually go to bed. Anxiety had seized control of my mind, and I couldn't get myself to stop thinking about the days events. Not only anxiety, but a happiness too. This was actually going to work! I spent most of the night just lying in my bed, planning what to say, how to act, and trying to come up with a plan for every possible contingency.
As it turns out, I only got about 4 hours of sleep that night. It didn't didn't really matter, though. After all, I had gotten a 6 hour nap the previous day. Either way, I was on top of the world. I don't know how else to describe it, but a certain cloud that always seemed to hang about my frame of mind had vanished for the moment. That's what was important. Not how much sleep I got, but how I felt.
It was 9am. While on vacation, I always slept in until at least that time. Even though I wouldn't be meeting Evan for several hours, I got up, and quickly got undressed and into the shower. The water felt wonderful as I washed myself clean, and I was still way ahead of schedule, but I hurried myself none the less. There was no way in hell I was going to be late for this, and even though that wasn't really a possibility at the moment, I still went through my morning routine as quickly as possible.
I was all dressed and ready before it was 11 o'clock. I felt kind of silly for my earlier haste. I decided that I'd leave at 12:30. It wasn't a long walk from what Evan had told me, no more than 15 minutes he had said, but I wanted to be there at least a little early. I decided I'd watch some television in the meantime. Although the TV was on, my mind ended up back on the meeting that was about to take place. It consumed my thoughts for the next hour.
Before I knew it, it was noon. I headed down to the lobby with my spirits as bright as the sun on a clear summer day. Outside, the air was crisp, the birds were singing, it was beautiful. It seemed a perfect afternoon. I was glad that this coffee shop turned out to be within walking distance of my hotel. The fresh air would do me good.
I left the hotel with no more of a disguise than a pair of sunglasses. It didn't really matter if someone saw me and made a big fuss. I was early, almost an hour so, and felt as though nothing could get to me. That's how good a mood I was in.
I walked slowly, almost without purpose, down the street, admiring the world around me. The coffee house Evan had chosen was only about 3 blocks away, and so far, the walk had gone perfectly. This city wasn't like New York or anything, with people crowded all around you and barely enough room to breathe. In fact, I probably saw only a half dozen people the entire trip. I probably could have walked around all day without even my sunglasses without attracting so much as a second glance from anybody. It was wonderful. As I approached the coffee shop, and I could feel my heart begin to kick into overdrive.
As I entered the small building, I was able to pick out his bright blonde hair immediately. He had come early too, it seemed. I smiled at the thought. He was siting in an armchair, with an empty one right next to it. As soon as he saw me, he returned my smile, and I quickly went over and joined him.
"Hi." I said. I ever surprised myself at how 'chipper' I sounded.
His smile broadened. "You seem to be in good spirits."
"Indeed." I replied, returning his smile. I thought back to the night before, and attempted to start a conversation just as I had envisioned it in my head. I took a deep breath. "So, tell me some more about yourself." I continued smiling. It seemed so easy in his presence, so natural.
"Well, lets see. My interests include computers and television, my favorite color is blue, I love pizza. I plan on studying physics and law in college." His enthusiasm seemed immeasurable as he let out this hasty summary of his likes and interests. "Umm... oh, and my birthday is next Tuesday. I'll be 17." He beamed with pride.
I smiled and nodded. That was definitely good. As I've mentioned, his age had been of concern to me. 17 years old was certainly better than 16. Still awfully young, but it's all just numbers, anyhow. By the way he looked and acted, he probably could have passed for around 20, which would have narrowed our age gap to only 4 years. That being the case, it must have been closer to two years ago that these events took place. I smiled as he drank his coffee. I couldn't recall drinking the stuff until I was significantly older than he was.
He continued talking, but I had become lost in thoughts regarding his age and maturity. I just nodded slightly, and gave him another smile. I brought myself back to reality, but I still didn't have a clue as to what we were now talking about.
"Actually," he started. He reached around himself, and from what it looked like, I assumed to get his wallet. With a mug of coffee in his hands, and his eyes fixed on me, that didn't quite work out. He ended up spilling his coffee all down the front of his shirt. It was an absolute mess. "Dang."
I couldn't help but laugh... the poor guy was practically being scalded, but it was still funny, I'm ashamed to admit. His shirt was completely soaked. He wasn't mad, I could tell that much, but he gave me his best dirty look none the less. He didn't appear seriously hurt either. Apparently the coffee hadn't been too hot. Perhaps he'd arrived quite a bit earlier than I had.
"It's not funny," he pouted. "I'm a mess."
"There, there," I consoled him with mock compassion. "I've got clean shirts at my hotel. It's only about 3 blocks away." I smiled.
He let out a sigh, and agreed. "Alright... you're sure you don't mind? I mean, I could just go back to my place. It's only a little farther and-"
"It's alright, don't worry about it." I cut him off. "Come on," I motioned for him to stand as I did so myself. I looked him over, and laughed again, which only earned me another playful scowl.
We quickly paid, and left the small shop. Evan had to walk while holding his shirt away from his chest, so that he wasn't entirely uncomfortable during the 10 minute walk. It was pretty comical. There wasn't much discussion on the trip, but once we were inside my hotel and in the elevator, I couldn't contain my curiosity any longer.
"Just how did you manage that back there?" I asked with the biggest smile I could keep without bursting into a fit of laughter.
"Don't you remember?" He asked. "We were talking about pictures of ourselves. I was trying to get out my wallet so I could show you how awful my drivers license picture is."
The elevator stopped on the third floor, and we exited. We walked toward my room, without interruption to our conversation.
"Oh yeah," I lied. I had been busy thinking about the age difference between us, and must have missed that part of the discussion.
"But I ended up making a mess all over my shirt."
"Poor thing," I cood. "We'll get you all cleaned up, don't you worry." I felt another laugh coming up, so I bit my tongue. Unfortunately, I accidentally bit it a little too hard. "Oww..."
"What?"
"I bit my tongue." I frowned.
Now it was his turn. "Poor thing." He gave me a big, patronizing smile, just as I had done to him.
We arrived at my room, unlocked the door, and walked inside. I hadn't spent much time here, and it still looked very similar to the way I had found it when I'd checked in, as opposed to the normal mess I'd make in a hotel room. I had put my ski equipment away the previous night, and all in all, it was still a fairly clean place.
I went over to my suitcase, and found the smallest shirt I had. He was slightly smaller than me, so I figured a small shirt of mine would fit him well. "Here you go," I said. "You can change into this."
"Thanks," he smiled, and went into the bathroom to change out of his wet shirt. He was back out in just a second, in a nice, clean, dry shirt.
He moved in my direction. "It looks nice on me, don't you think?" He smiled, and sat down on the bed. "Thanks again, by the way."
"It does, and again, it's no problem." I matched his smile, eyeing him up and down. "So, what do you want to do now? We could just stay here and watch some television." I suggested. I felt like keeping him in my hotel room. Can you blame me? :)
"Sure... what's on?"
"I'm not sure. There's a TV Guide on the table over there," I said, indicating to a small table off in the corner. I sat down on the bed.
He flipped through it for a few seconds before he found something that he seemed to be interested in. He got up, turned on the TV, and set it to the appropriate channel before sitting back down... right next to me on the bed. The program didn't look that interesting, but I don't think he was to interested in the TV.
I suppose he thought it was his turn to be daring, but to tell the truth, I'm still to this day not sure what was going through his mind at that moment. No matter what the cause, he suddenly turned in my direction, and came at me, arms outstretched, right into my side, as if diving into a hug from a sitting position. He wrapped his arms around me waist, and pulling me down onto the bed so that I was lying on my back.
I turned onto my right side, so that I'd be facing him, and found him staring back at me with his light blue eyes with a huge smile plastered on his face.
"Hi." He said, eyes still fixed on me, his smile achieving the status of 'mischievous grin'.
"Hey," I said back. I had a pretty good idea what was on his mind now. I decided I'd take the initiative again, as he seemed to shy to do it himself, and I didn't want to put him in an awkward situation or anything. For the second time in two days, I leaned in, and kissed him square on the lips.
Okay, there's the second part. It's not as long as I was hoping it would be, but at least it's longer than the last installment. Just as before, send any comments or feedback, be them positive or otherwise, to sdauson@hotmail.com. For now, I will be continuing the story, but that doesn't mean you can stop sending email to me. :)
I'm sorry this installment took so long, but school's suddenly become very time consuming. It's for the same reason that I probably won't be able to get the third part out within a week either. Look for it in about two weeks. I hope to have it out by then. Again, sorry for the delays.
I think that's about all there is to say for now. Remember; email me with your thoughts about the story. Until next time,
Sam