Here we go, the third installment. You guys haven't chased me away yet, so I figure I'm not doing any harm sticking around, at least for now. :) I got quite a few responses this time, and I must say I'm quite pleased. Anyway, just as with the previous two installments, send all your comments, questions, or just feedback in general to me via email at sdauson@hotmail.com. I look forward to hearing from you. :)
Again, the standard disclaimers. This story is a complete work of fiction. Any similarities to real life or any persons, living or dead, are entirely coincidental. This story is not meant to imply anything about the sexuality of Brian Littrell, or any other of the Backstreet Boys. Basically, it's fan fiction, and nothing more. This story appears to be written in the first person by Brian Littrell, but in fact, this story was not written by Brian himself, or even by anyone who knows him personally. Again, it's not real, people!
If you are under the age of 18, or your local laws prohibit you from reading such material, please leave now. The same applies to anyone offended or made uncomfortable by stories involving consensual homosexual male relationships. Basically, if you continue reading, you are doing so on your own free will, and I cannot and will not be held responsible for any consequences.
Authors Note: Well, I finally got it out, the third installment of Blind Faith. I've had other commitments to deal with recently, and this part didn't seem to write as smoothly as the other two did. Just in case you haven't been paying attention to the past two installments, this story is narrated in the first person by a fictional (see disclaimer above) Brian Littrell, just so now you know. :) Anyway, since size does in fact matter, (Hehehe...) this part is slightly bigger than the last, but not by much.
Before I begin, I'd just like to say thank you to everyone who's written me so far about this story, especially Seth, who's been offering words of encouragement since I started writing this story. Go read his story, 'Common People', alone with some of my other favorites, 'Brian and Me' and 'Studio in the Country'. :)
That being said, on with the story...
Blind Faith Part 3
It wasn't a long kiss. In fact, it only lasted a second or two. All the better, though, considering how little I really knew about Evan. As alone as I felt, I didn't want to end up in bed with someone who was little more than a stranger to me. I just smiled at him as I lied back down. He put his head on my chest, turning his attention back to the television.
We stayed in that position for nearly half an hour, neither of us really paying any attention to the TV, but rather just being in each others company. It felt so good to be with another person. Three days ago, my solitary state had been nearly intolerable. I had felt so empty, so utterly alone. I suppose I was just glad to have anyone with me, and want to be with me, even if I didn't know the guy very well.
Sure, I'd been with Leighanne for around a year by that time, but it just wasn't the same. I loved her, yes, but I loved her like I'd love a sister. She tried, bless her heart, but she just couldn't give me the kind of love I needed.
I kept completely still, trying to make the moment last as long as possible. It was another 5 minutes before I realized he'd fallen asleep. It was adorable. I would have let him sleep, but I really needed to get up, stretch, and go to the bathroom. Even though I couldn't see his face, he looked so peaceful, so content. I didn't want to wake him, but I knew I'd have to sooner or later. I gentility brushed my hand through his short blonde hair, and he stirred ever so slightly.
"Evan..." I said as lightly as I could. I was practically cooing. "Come on, Evan. Time to get up." I said, petting him again. He must have been a pretty light sleeper, because that alone was enough to wake him. He lifted his head and rolled over to face me. I don't think he was too happy about being woken up, but he tried not to let it show.
"Hi," he said with a smile, as soon as he seemed to get his thoughts in order.
"Hey." I smiled back. "You a little tired?" I just had to inquire, despite the obvious answer. Chalk it up to my weird sense of humor if you must.
"Yeah, I guess I didn't get much sleep last night." he responded, still a little groggy.
I couldn't help but wonder if his malady was due to the same circumstances that kept sleep from me the previous night. Had he been as nervous as I had been about the meeting that had taken place today? From what I knew of Evan, the answer was most likely 'yes'. I smiled again. Maybe he wasn't such a stranger to me after all. "Is that so?"
"Mmm-hmm." He yawned, and gave me another smile. He lied back down, and made himself comfortable on my chest again.
"Going back to sleep?" I asked him.
"No, don't think so. But what can I say? It's a comfortable position." He looked back at me and smiled. "You don't mind, do you?"
"Of course not." It was the absolute truth. I realized then just how much I had missed this kind of human contact. I turned the TV off, and simply lied there in that moment, feeling the warmth of his head, the steady rhythm of his breathing. In that instant, for the first time in years, I felt truly and completely happy. I was content, there is no need to describe it further. I was simply and completely content.
After a minute, I spoke again. "Evan, can I tell you something?" I asked, a little reserved.
"Sure, Brian." he responded, not turning to face me.
I had to tell him, it almost didn't seem right not too. "Well, it's... just that I've been so lonely lately. I... I just want to thank you for, for spending time with me. For just being with me."
Now he turned over, and looked me square in the eyes. "You make it sound like I'm doing some sort of charity work." he kept his eyes fixed on mine. "I want to be here, Brian, with you." he paused. "Only if you want the same thing, of course." he added in a hurry. His eyes broke from mine and he looked looked down.
I brought his chin back up with my warm hand, until he was looking me in the eye again. "I do," I said simply. "I really like you, Evan. I think you're a great guy. I want to spend more time with you... a lot more." I looked deep into his magnificent eyes, trying to hear what he was thinking.
He didn't respond. Not in words anyway. He smiled, not a big one, but it was all I needed. It was an affirmative, I was sure, and I knew then that he shared in everything that I felt. We sat there, our eyes fixed on each other, oblivious to the world around us. It only lasted for a moment, but it was a moment out of time. It went beyond our standard perceptions, and seemed to last for much longer. Or maybe it was just me.
He looked down at his watch. In response, I looked at the clock on the wall and saw that it was nearly 5pm. I'd been with him almost all day. "Oh, hey, Brian... I gotta go," he said. "I," he paused, as if making sure he actually wanted to say what he was about to. "I'm really glad I came back with you. I mean, I had a nice time here today.", he smiled as he sat up. "Umm... you'll call me, won't you?" He asked, a hint of timidity in his voice. "I... I like spending time with you."
I smiled back at him. "Same here. Tell you what, why don't you call me?" I asked him with another smile. I had his number, he should have mine, so I gave him my cell phone number. "So, why do you have to leave all of the sudden?" I asked, trying to sound hurt at the fact that he was leaving so suddenly. I couldn't keep a smile from surfacing, though. I was just giving him a little hard time. "You got a date or something?" I broke out into a full grin.
"Actually," he began, then paused. "I do." His expression was dead serious.
My smile instantly disappeared, and Evan noticed it before even I did myself.
"No, no, Brian..." he tried to desperately to explain. "It's not like that, I mean... she's not really much more than a close friend, and..."
"She?" I raised an eyebrow, my concern dissipating at the fact that my competition seemed to be female. Had it been another guy I would have been hurt, and liable to throw him out of my hotel room right there, but a girl? For some reason, that didn't get to me. "But aren't you..." I stopped mid sentence, leaving him to finish the thought.
"Yeah, but, well..." he paused. "I haven't exactly come out to the world either. Besides, I've been with her for almost a year now. Back then, I wasn't so sure..." he was having trouble with this last sentence. "I mean, I didn't know for sure if..."
It made perfect sense to me now. I knew those feeling, the self doubt. To be unsure of your own sexuality, frustrating and confusing. I understood perfectly.
He sighed, and finally threw the sentence out in one long string. "I wasn't sure of, of who I was, of what I was a year ago. I mean, and with peer pressure and my reputation, I kinda felt I had to go out with a girl, you know? I wasn't sure of my sexuality then. It was kind of an experiment, I guess... Nothing more, I promise. I know now that, well... you know." he said. "Brian, it's over with her. I'm going to break it off tonight. I..." another pause. "I want to be with you."
It was so cute. I looked into his blue eyes, so much younger than my own, as I realized I shared that sentiment. How could I have these feelings for someone so young? For someone I met just a day ago? The only thing I was sure of was that I did indeed have feelings for Evan, strong feelings. "I want to be with you too." I gave him a deep, sincere smile, which he had no trouble returning.
"I... I have to go." He said, still smiling as his stood, his eyes fixed on mine. "I'll call you later tonight, okay, Brian?"
"Sure thing."
We said 'good bye', and I walked him to the door. He said he could find his way out of the hotel, and left me in my room. I felt so attached to him, cared for him so deeply, and yet I only met yesterday. I took another moment to analyze the situation I was in before turning back into my hotel room and closing the door.
I ate in that night, from the local Pizza Hut, if I remember correctly. The rest of the night was in stark contrast to the days previous hours, and I felt alone again. I missed Evan already, and he'd only been gone for two hours. Had he become such an essential part of my life already? What was I getting myself into, letting myself get attached like this?
I slept for quite a while that night. Despite my excitement, I managed to fall asleep without much trouble. It wasn't a very refreshing sleep, though. My mind was plagued with concerns of Evan. I was putting my career, and my emotional stability on the line, getting into a relationship with him. What were to happen if this ended badly and he decided to spite me by revealing my sexuality? And what was I going to do about our age difference? Was there anything I could do?
The next day was relatively uneventful. I took a walk in a nearby park, bought a local newspaper, and even talked to Nick over the phone. I'd be flying back to join them in some city or another tomorrow at 11am. I sighed as I thought about Evan. Would there even be a chance for anything to happen between us? I'd only be here for one more day.
He called later that day. I knew I'd missed him, but it wasn't until then that I realized just how much I'd missed him, even though it had only been a few hours since I'd talked to him lost. "Hey, Evan."
"Hi, Brian." he said. "I... I missed you." His admission was a bit of a surprise. Sure, I'd missed him as well, but I couldn't think of myself as being forward enough to admit it as he just did. Now that he had said something though, it was almost second nature to return the sentiment.
"Same here." There was a moment of silence as we both thought about what we had said. I'm not sure what it meant to Evan, but to me, it said that there was something special between us. It was a pleasant thought. "What's up?"
"Nothing much, I suppose."
"Any reason you called, then?" I asked the phone with a smile.
"Like I said," he paused. "I missed you." The sincerity in his statement was evident. I wanted to pull him through the phone lines and into a hug right then.
It almost brought tears to my eyes, to be honest. Just those few words said so much. There was definitely a bond between the two us, something wonderful, full of meaning. 'Could it be love?' I asked myself hesitantly. I wasn't sure of the answer at the moment, but the more I thought about it, the closer the answer turned towards yes.
The only two reasons I could come up with to tell myself that it wasn't love were our age difference, and the fact that I met him just a day ago. 'Is there a set age range relating to your own range, whom the person you love must be of?' I questioned my mind, and moreover, my heart. 'Of course not', came the reply. 'Is there a set amount of time it takes to fall in love with someone?' Again, I realized, the answer was no.
But where did that leave me? And what about Evan? How did he feel about me? It was a little much to think about at the moment, and seeing as how I was on the phone at the time, I didn't have the luxury of thoroughly analyzing the thoughts that had popped into my head during the past few seconds.
"That's sweet." Was all I finally said. I smiled.
"Actually, there is another reason I called," he began. "See, my parents are going out for the night. They'll be gone for a while, leaving around five, and not planning to get back until around 1 in the morning. Don't ask me where they're going or what they're doing cause it's none of my business, and frankly, I wouldn't want to know." he paused for a moment to chuckle to himself. "Anyway, they don't want me to be home alone all that time, and they're trying to get me to spend the night at a friends house."
I caught his drift almost immediately. "Is that so?" I smiled to myself. "Would I just happen to be that friend?"
"Well... you'd be that friends father. I'd need you to talk to my mom about this, tell her you're happy to have me, your son Jason and I get along real well, that stuff, you know?" he emphasized the name 'Jason' to let me know it was information I'd need in the future.
"Mmm-hmm. I get the idea."
"She doesn't have a clue who you are, so she shouldn't recognize your voice. Can I call you back around four to talk to her?"
Seeing as how I was on vacation with absolutely nothing planned, anytime was an ideal time. "Sure. I guess I'll talk to you then?"
"Yeah. I'll see you later, Brian."
"Bye."
I hung up my cell phone, and walked over to my bed. This was certainly interesting, I thought as I sat down. He'd be spending the night with me. I couldn't help but think this was all going a little too fast. I remembered my earlier train of thought. What feelings did I have for Evan exactly? Maybe after tonight I'd have a better view of the entire situation. Another question, did did Evan feel the same way about me? Again, I would have to wait until tonight.
That was at 3 o'clock. I spent the next hour analyzing my feelings, and speculating as to those of Evans. I never did come to any one conclusion within that time, but rather ran my mind in circles, more or less. I always ended up back at the 'wait until tonight' sentence I'd used on myself earlier. I whittled away the rest of the afternoon doing very little, watching some television, reading a few chapters of a book that I had picked up a week ago.
Sure enough, after an hour had gone by, I got another call from Evan. "Hey, Evan." I began.
"Hey, Brian. You remember what to do, right?"
"Yup." I said, with a grin on my face.
"Okay, I'm going to put my mom on. You're the father of my friend Jason Steele, and I'm coming over to spend the night."
"Got it," I replied. 'Was this really going to work?' I wondered to myself. It seemed so devious, so deceptive. "Except for one thing..." I realized I didn't even know Evans last name. "What should I call her? I um.. don't know your last name." I admitted, a little sheepishly.
I could hear his smile on the other end of the phone line. "It's Mitchell. I'm Evan Mitchell, son of Barbara Mitchell."
"Okay, then. I'm ready." I said. With that, he went to get his mother on the line.
She was on the phone within a matter of seconds, and I proceeded to tell her what Evan had told me to say. She responded exactly as he predicted, and didn't seem to have any doubts as to my credibility. It only took a few minutes before she was satisfied. I would be over to Evans house to pick him up at 4:30, and would make sure he got himself off to school with Jason the next morning.
Seeing as how that was less than half an hour away, I quickly got myself ready. I stopped for a moment, and tried to look at myself from a 3rd person perspective. I was so energetic, so excited. It felt good, this hyperactivity that always seemed to consume Nick. I felt alive and active, something I hadn't felt in quite I while. By the time I'd finished my thought, I was all ready, and heading down to my rental Jeep.
I arrived at Evans house in a few minutes, and pulled into the driveway. It was a typical middle class home, two stories, with relatively new white paint, and windows all over the face, just as one might have expected. Before I even had a chance to leave my vehicle, Evan was outside and fast approaching. I got out, and helped him throw his stuff in the back, which consisted of only a suit case. I had told him over the phone that I had plenty of bed space, and there was no need for a sleeping bag or anything.
"Hey," he said. "I figured it would be best if I just got out of there as quickly as possible. My mother might want to talk to you otherwise." He said with a smile.
I smiled too, and started the car again. "It's good to see you again, you know." I turned to look it him. "I've been thinking about you most of the day."
"Likewise." he said, suddenly turning a little serious. "I meant what I said over the phone earlier... I really did miss you."
"I did too." I said, matching his serious tone. I glanced in the rear view mirror as I pulled out of the driveway, and began to make my way back to the hotel through the sparsely populated streets of his home town. We rode in silence for a few moments, before Evan spoke again.
"So, what's on the agenda for tonight?" he asked.
"It's completely blank at the moment. Feel free to make suggestions," I said with a grin. "You're the local here, remember? What's there to do around here?"
"In all honesty, nothing much. It's a small town, and there aren't a lot of tourist attractions. It actually gets pretty boring here most of the time. Maybe we should just go see a movie...", he suggested.
"Fine by me." I said, still smiling.
It wasn't but a few minutes longer before we arrived back at my hotel. We quickly made our way back up to my room, and found the newspaper I'd bought that morning. We took a few moments to pick out a movie, some action flick, I believe it was, and headed back down the parking lot.
We watched the movie in almost complete silence of one another. I suppose there was something about the public atmosphere that seemed to make us uncomfortable. I'd worn my sunglasses, they were all I needed as it seems no one in this town had a clue who I was. Still, it made us uneasy, and we maintained a general silence throughout the picture.
When the movie was over, we headed back toward my vehicle. "It was a good movie, don't you think?" I asked, relieved that we could finally talk again.
"Yeah, I think so." He said, smiling at me.
"So what do you want to do now?" I inquired.
"I'm kind of tired. Maybe we should just go back to your room." he said, stretching his hands in the air as if to prove he were tired. We pulled out of the parking lot, and drove in the direction of my hotel. Before long, we were back at my room door, which I promptly opened. I went straight for the bed, and Evan went right to the TV.
"I take it you've got some kind of addiction to that little box." I said with a smile. "It seems to have a hold on you."
"Yeah, I guess you could say that," he said, his attention not leaving the television. I could see the grin on his face none the less. When he came over to join me on the bed, I'd noticed he'd set it to the Disney channel, and was currently on commercial.
It was another reminder of his age. Granted, there were only 5 or 6 years difference, of which I'm sure many couples age difference is much larger, but between two people as young as we were, it was quite a lot. "What's on?" I asked.
"Beats me," he said. "but there's usually something good on Disney."
He put his head on my shoulder, and sighed ever so slightly. I felt that peace come over me again, that feeling of absolute comfort. I could get used to something like this. We sat and watched as the television broke from commercials, and returned to, of all things on television, a Backstreet Boys concert.
"Oh, this does look good." He said with a wicked smile.
I still don't know whether he knew it would be on, or if it was really just a coincidence. "I dunno..." I started with a smile of my own. "I don't really like the Backstreet Boys. They're kinda lame."
"Is that so?" He lifted his head off my shoulder and looked at me. "Well, you better stop right there. I happen to think they're dreamy." His smile went up a notch.
I smiled. "Which one's your favorite?"
He simply looked at me for a second, before he finally responded. "Brian is, as a matter of fact." He smiled and put his head back on my shoulder. I didn't respond, but instead was reminded of something I heard on television somewhere. 'Live in each moment, and make each one more precious than the last.' And that's exactly what I did at that point in time.
That's all for the third installment, everyone. It was going to be longer, but I figured I should just cut it short, get this out to you guys as fast as I could, and include what I cut out in the next installment instead. Anyway, keep sending me feedback at sdauson@hotmail.com. I'd love to hear from you, and any suggestions or comments you have about the story will be welcomed. :)
As for the fourth installment, which I will be writing, again, expect it in two weeks. I hate to have the interval so long, but I think regularity makes things simple, and I can't promise you a shorter time period than 2 weeks for any given installment, because I stink at editing. :) Bottom line: If you're enjoying this story, look for the next installment in two weeks.
Alright, that's it for now. Later, everyone. :)
Sam