Black Sheep

Black Sheep 19

Greensnake 7

Cousin Lionel smiles at me, "Glad you could make it man."

I look over at Joyous.  I understood we were desperate but really?  He was going to these shady motherfuckers?  Uncle Regis, Lionel and Sheila had stolen the money that we had wanted to use to originally open the club.  They were the lowest of the low when it came to family.

"I don't like that shit you guys talking calling Joshua our enemy," Joyous corrects them, "It's not like that..."

"If it's not like that then nigga why you here?" Sheila asks.

I can't stand Sheila.  You ever met that one girl who is just nosy for no goddam reason.  She was always running and telling that.  You couldn't trust the girl as far as you can throw her.  The fact that Joyous was even willing to get in bed with this bitch just turned me all the way off.  Joyous was never the smartest sibling.  He was street smart.  The dude could flip some drugs more than any man I know, but when it came to business plans he ain't know shit.  I thought he brought me here to talk about pressing legal claims on the club.

This wasn't that.

This was some back alley bullshit.  If Uncle Regis and Sheila were involved, then most likely it was some bullshit.  Lionel was usually the nicer guy.  Looking at him he reminded me of myself so much.  He's so scared of his fucking father that it's ridiculous.

I get up, "Joyous this is about to be some bullshit..."

Lionel is the one who tries to make sense of all of this, "We not trying to say he's our enemy in life.  But he's our enemy in this Jamison."

I turn.  Lionel was the more reasonable cousin.  I'm hesitating.  Uncle Regis was a goddam criminal.  I didn't like where this was going even talking to him but I couldn't leave Joyous in here alone.

Uncle Regis twists his beard, "What happens when the money runs out?"

He sounds like a used car sales man.  He looks like one too.  One of those oversized Deacon suits that he always wears.  He probably bought it with the money he stole from his own mother.  His wife died when he was younger and ever since then he's been that sleaze ball at church trying to get with the youngest girls.  And if anyone said something he'd run behind his brother, the great pastor.  I ended all that when I killed my dad.  You would think Uncle Regis would hate me.  You would think he'd be avoiding me like my mother.

No.  The sleaze ball needed me so he was right here playing coy.

"Daddy's right," Sheila states, "You both got felonies.  What you going to do?  Sell drugs for the rest of your life?  Ya'll ain't never going to be shit.  Joyous, Marcella ain't never going to take no bottom of the barrel drug dealer back. The club is all you have and Joshua got that..."
I wonder how serious it was with Marcella and Joyous but I wasn't sure.  It couldn't have gone well when she thought Joyous was gay.  I look at my poor brother.  He probably thinks he has a little gay in him.  I want to tell him so bad it was all a mistake but that would blow up Keon and for some reason there is a soft side that I have for Keon.

I'll always want to protect the guy.

"Is that why you all are here?" I ask, "Because the money you had ran out?  The money you stole?"

"Let's not talk about that," Uncle Regis states.

"Sure."

"Just listen to his plan.  If you don't like it----you can bounce," Lionel states.

I sit back down.  This shit is making me uneasy.  Joyous crosses his arms.  I wonder if he is thinking twice about having us in this bitch.  He should be.  I can't read him though.  He is stone faced and for the first time he looks a little bit like Joshua.  It's one of the faces Joshua always puts on when he doesn't want anyone to know he's affected.

Joyous is probably thinking about getting out of here...or he's probably thinking about how he can win back Marcella and bust a nut all up in her stuck-up pussy.  God knows she needs the sex to loosen up a bit.  God also knows Marcella is probably the only girl Joyous ever had that wasn't a hood rat.  He probably is head over heels for the sophisticated thing.

I'm surprised when he opens his mouth and gives in, "What's the plan?"

"Well we all know Keon and Joshua have the girls," Uncle Regis starts.
"So what?"

"Well Joshua has no legal rights to those girls.  He never adopted them.  The legal parents are still Keon and Jamila."

Joyous and I look at one another.  Sheila is all squirming in her chair when her father says what he says.  I have to admit.  Joshua was very thorough.  The fact that he dropped the ball by not adopting his own kids blows my mind.  I have to admit I smile a little bit just knowing that he isn't as perfect as he wants everyone to believe he is.

I guess that's what happens when you focus so much on your business and leave your home unattended.

"What's that got to do with the club?" Joyous asks.

"We use the kids against him. Threaten to take away custody of his kids if he doesn't let us into the club."

I roll my eyes.  I knew this was some shady shit.

"I know Keon.  He ain't never going to take custody away from those kids."

"Not Keon."

"Jamila?" I ask.

Jamila was loyal to Joshua.  We all knew that.  Had Uncle Regis lost his fucking mind?  Jamila was trying her best to put on an impersonation of Marcella, wearing heels and labels.  She's walking around doing Joshua's bidding during her free time.  That girl was so far up Joshua's ass that she was drowning in his enema water.

That's when I see just the kind of person Uncle Regis is.

"If he cuts her off she won't have a choice," he states, "And we can make him cut her off.  We get Jamila back on drugs.  Joshua will drop her like a bad habit.  And then we swoop in and we guide poor little drug addicted Jamila.  You know a dope fiend can be manipulated easy."

Joyous jumps up off his chair.
"Yo---don't disrespect my fucking sister old man," he says.
I grab Joyous.  Uncle Regis is lucky.  Joyous is about to beat his ass and I can tell.

"We're leaving," I tell Joyous.

Uncle Regis and his kids sit there when I drag my brother out of the house.  I can't believe these motherfuckers had that time to come up with some twisted fucking plan as to use my brother's kids against him and put my sister back into her habits to do so.  They gave NO fucks and that was clear right now.

Joyous is steaming when he gets out the house.  He paces back and forth.  His fists are gathered.  Joyous is probably the one among my siblings who cares the most about family.  I think that's the only reason he didn't put Uncle Regis into a coma a second ago.

"Those motherfuckers foul," Joyous states, "I swear I knew they had a funny ass plan but I didn't know the details.  I swear I didn't."

I shake my head, "Damn..."

I'm just shocked.

When I don't react the way he wants Joyous turns to me, "We not going to do that right?  You not considering that shit are you?  Jamison...we can't play with our nieces' lives.  They innocent in this shit.  Not to mention Jamila..."

"Man, I don't fuck with Joshua right now.  Hell.  I don't even fuck with Jamila...but..." I pause shaking my head, "That shit is wrong.  I'm not going there.  That is just evil man..."

We don't share a lot of moments but this has to be one of them when Joyous leans over, gathers his arms around me and pushes me into a bear hug.  He's so tall that I end up in his chest.  I may be the emotional one in the family but Joyous and Jamila both have moments like this where the emotion just creeps in.

"Thanks man.  I knew you'd know," he explains, "This shit is going too far now.  We just need to...fix this family man.  We are all we got left."

Joyous goes off to start talking shit about Regis and his kids but I zone out.  I just keep thinking about how fucked up Keon is over losing Joshua and his family.  I keep thinking about how bad things are since I came out of jail.  Usually Joshua is the one who comes into people's lives and just causes drama but this time it's me.

Maybe Joyous was right.

Maybe this is a wakeup call.  Maybe it's time to get my family back in order.

~

Two months go by after I meet with Uncle Regis.

Two months of not working.

Also two months of no drama with Regis or Joshua.  I don't want drama.  Joyous is right.  I have to fix my family but first I had to give it time to breathe so we can all be in the mentality to want to repair things.

I'm spending time with Keon in the house trying to get him out of his funk but it's just not working.  When I'm not with Keon, I'm with Sean, who still isn't giving me the time of day.  I hate to say it as well but the money is running out.  Keon helps around the house where he can but he's late on bills.  I have no doubt that Joshua cut him off from the club when he moved out with the kids.  If Keon did have some money saved up he is way too fucked up mentally to care about bills.

I realize I'm trying to raise two boys at this point.

I arrive at English's house.  I was supposed to be there earlier but I'm late.  Luckily he gave me a key and I want to be able to see Sean before he goes to sleep.  I think about calling out to English when I walk in the house but I have to pee so I end up in English's bathroom.

That's when I see him.

English is on the counter.  He's butt naked.  He just got out the shower.  He doesn't see me peeking into the bathroom.

I hear, "Fuck me...Fuck me..."

But it isn't real.  It's a video of some straight porn.  English has his dick in one hand and an IPhone in the other.  I can barely make out everything because the bathroom is so goddam small.  I think he thought he had the door locked.  Luckily it seems like Sean is already asleep.

I stare.

I hear the loud SLURP as he rocks his hand up and down his shaft.  He rolls his eyes into the back of his head.  He is beating his dick like it owes him something and I am mesmerized.  I didn't think his dick was as big as it was.  It's bigger than Keon's.  It's bigger than any dick I've seen...even in porn.  The thing is so big that he seems to struggle to hold it with one hand.  He works it up and it's clear he likes it wet because he spits into his palm and starts from the bottom every few minutes.

He slaps his dick up against his chest.  He bites his lower lip.  The man is turning me on in ways that I didn't know I could be turned on.  It's not just in my crotch area.  The tingling feeling goes to my fingers and toes.  He stimulates my hair follicles.  This motherfucker is FINE!

I hear him muttering something and I swear I think he says, "Jamison."

It's right before he nuts.
He doesn't have one of those nuts that spray.  His nut is thick and creamy.  It oozes out of his gigantic dick head.  It puckers up on the tip and slowly secretes down his long, thick shaft falling into his thick pubic hair.

When he's done I watch him clean up.  I get a look of his thick, fat ass in the mirror and then he hops back into the shower...

I'm sitting at the dining room table when he finally comes back out.

"Hey you!"  English says, "You're late."

I sigh, "Keon was...stressing."

English gives me a hard look, "He's still emotionally distressed over Joshua huh?"

I shake my head, "He's a grown ass man.  It's getting annoying."

English shakes his head, "It's love.  I mean when you love someone I guess it's hard to get over them.  Joshua probably put it on him.  Ha.  I can imagine being depressed like that if I really love someone."

"Were you like that when Shantelle died?"

"Nah...I loved Shantelle but it wasn't...never mind.  Let's not talk about that.   So what's up man?"

"I uh...heard you in the shower...took you a while."

He laughs a little, "Yeah just had to release some stress man..."

He bites his lips.  I wonder if he really said Jamison when he nutted or if I was just fantasizing.  If so---why the hell was I fantasizing about English.  I had never really fantasized about another man besides Keon.  I mean I had fucked others.  I had done my thing back in the day...but fantasize?  No.  That was always reserved for Keon.

Until now.

I can't stop staring at him and he notices.  He raises an eyebrow as though confused when he sees it.

"What's the stress for?" I ask.

"I'm thinking about going back to school for my degree but it's hard because I got to keep this full time job for Sean...you know how it is."

I feel so guilty at that moment.

"Listen I was thinking I can find a job.  I'll pay the bills around here," I state, "It's the least I can do..."

He gives me a hard stare.
"No disrespect man...but you just got out of jail.  What you going to do for money?"  he asks.

I stop.

It's embarrassing.  I couldn't take care of my own son.  I think about what Uncle Regis had said a few weeks ago.  "What you going to do when the money dries up?"  I had no idea how to answer that question and it's clear.

"I'll think of something..."

He walks over and puts a hand on my shoulder, "Don't stress yourself.  Joshua said he was going to help out."

My blood boils.
"You still talking to that dude?"

"That dude is your brother.  It's Sean's Uncle."

I know I shouldn't be mad.  I shouldn't be upset that Joshua is helping out Sean.  I should be grateful.  Still for some reason it annoys me.  Why did Joshua always have to throw his money around like that?  Why not hire me at the club so I can take care of my own son?  It's like he purposely wanted to prove a point.  He wanted to let me know that I'd need him before he needed me.  I felt like he was trying to show me I wasn't shit without him.

Or maybe it was just me.  Maybe I was just paranoid.  Maybe Joshua honestly just wanted to help Sean.

"You're right.  And actually I was thinking about maybe trying to reach out to him."

"Damn really?  You guys have been beefing forever."

"You think it's too soon?"

"No.  Honestly I don't think Joshua is really that kind of bitter person.  I mean he's helping your son for God sakes.  I think he's probably also forgiven Keon even though he doesn't want to be with him anymore.  I think it's the best time to rebuild your relationship."

That was the thing about English.

He was so goddam...positive.   There was no plotting.  There was no drama.  There was no extra shit when it came to him.  What you saw is what you got.

"Maybe it's a good time for me to build other relationships too," I state.

I've been thinking about it for a while.  For a few months we've kept it really normal between us but I still remember a few months ago when he kissed me.  I can still close my eyes and feel those lips.  I fantasize about him...HEAVY.  I can't get English off of my brain...even when I'm with Keon.  For some reason it doesn't matter.

"Oh shit---you thinking about dating again?" he asks, "Please tell me it's not Keon.  The guy is still in love with Joshua.  He always will be."

I sigh.
It's a hard truth but after a few months of hearing Keon drone on about Joshua I know it's a real truth.

"I'm starting to realize that now.  And no...not Joshua.  I'm thinking that maybe..."

I hesitate.

It's been so long since the kiss.  I don't know how English feels.

"Don't bite your tongue now."

"I'm thinking about maybe me and you can go out sometime," I state.

I have never been so nervous to shoot my shot since I approached Keon when I was a kid.   English seems a little shocked that I'm bringing this up.  I guess I have been spending so much time with Keon that it all seems a little bit out of the blue or something.

The longer he hesitates the more butterflies cripple my stomach.  I didn't know I liked English so much until the moment that I had to admit it out loud.

That's when he shakes his head.
"I kind of just assumed when I came at you and you turned me down to go see Keon that you weren't interested," English explains, "I kind of just...gave up on that."

He seems disappointed and I feel so fucking stupid.  English was the perfect gentleman.  He was the perfect guy and he was right.  I was so stuck on Keon I didn't see that.

I smile, "Yeah I figured maybe we can start over.   Spend time without Sean. Maybe I'd just spend some time with you..."

He seems confused.

"Me?"

"Is that so bad?" I state, "I figured that's why I stayed over tonight?  Maybe we can order a pizza and talk.  Get to know each other."

English gives me a hard look.

"Are you for real man?" he asks me, "You've been chasing a guy who pays you no attention.  You leave here and go stay in a house with him just so he can ignore you and whine about someone else.  You don't need to be dating."

"English...wait..."

"I'm kind of getting to know someone else man," English admits to me,

It hits me like a ton of bricks.

"Damn...really?"

"Yeah.  It's nothing serious right now but I'm not trying put myself out there to get turned down on someone whose stuck on his old lover.  Was actually headed out in a minute.   The nanny was going to watch Sean."

"I could have watched him..."

"You know damn well you have to go take care of Keon.  No offense man.  You do understand that right?"  English asks, "We still cool right?"

I shake my head.
I've come to the realization that I may have lost a good guy in this situation.

The sad part is I don't know if he's wrong.  I'm the one in the wrong.
"You're right man.  And yeah.  We still cool.  I should have taken you up on it when you were interested instead of playing around with it.   It's my fault.  Whoever it is, definitely is a lucky girl a guy man."

He pats me on the shoulder at that moment.  He pats me on the shoulder as a friend and honestly that shit is annoying as fuck to say the least, but I don't blame him.  All I feel at that moment is straight up regret.
I fucked up.

~
I get up at Keon's house later that night and the dude is drunk.  He's walking around butt naked with nothing on but an expensive ass bathrobe with a bottle of Hennessy in his hands and some Gucci flip flops that I'm sure Joshua bought him.  I see him walking down the steps when he sees me and he downs the bottle something heavy.

"Damn...I swore I heard Joshua," he states.

I roll my eyes, "You know damn well Joshua ain't been back in this house since he left Keon."

This shit is getting ridiculous to say the least.  Keon was way too fine to be sitting here stressing over Joshua.  I am trying to be understanding.  They had a hard break up.  Joshua wasn't emotional either so when he cut someone off it was usually just that.  A cut off.  No text.  No calls.  No nothing.  The guy acted as if you didn't exist.  He had done the same thing to the family before.  I don't know why Keon thought Joshua wouldn't do it to his ass too.

"Have you seen him?"

"No..." I respond, "I haven't seen him in months.  English took Sean over to play with the girls a few weeks ago though.  Maybe you should focus on trying to get joint custody to see your girls and giving up on trying to get back with Joshua."

"I don't want to go through a custody battle with my fiancé...what the hell?"

"Fiancé?"

I laugh.

Keon grills me.  I try to walk away, but he grabs me by my arm, "What's so funny?"

"Bro that's not your fiancé.  He's done.  Joshua is completely done.  He don't want nothing to do with you," I respond.

"If you could only tell him the truth..."

"The truth?"

"Yes.  If you loved me, you would want to see me happy."

"Oh.  I can tell him the truth," I tell him, "Which truth though?  The convenient truth?  Just about you not really meaning to cheat on him.  Or did you want me to tell him the complete truth?  About you setting up AK and Joyous?"

This hits a chord with him.  I can see his face get SO red.  He's furious.

"You bitter as fuck."

Bitter?  Wow.

"I'm the guy whose always been there for you.  When Joshua leaves you high and dry, I'm always the one to pick up the pieces.  Remember when we were younger?  Remember how heartbroken you were when Joshua left town.  You never got to admit your love to him.  You spent hours telling me about it.  I was the shoulder for you to cry on.  I picked up the pieces.  I was your ride or die.  I've been in this house taking care of your pathetic ass for months now..."

"Pathetic?"

He's shocked.

"PATHETIC!" I respond, louder, "But no more man.  I'm leaving."

I start walking out.  Almost immediately as I do that I can see Keon chase me down.  All of a sudden he grabs me from behind.  He holds me.  He holds me tight.   He hasn't held me this tight in years.  He hasn't held me this tight ever since I went to jail.

There is a desperation in him.

"Please don't go.  I don't want to be alone."

Just like the idiot I am I feel that soft spot for Keon.  The soft spot I can't ever get rid of.  I know he's drunk.  I know he probably won't remember it in the morning but I also notice his dick hardening as his robe opens and he's standing butt naked behind me.  His hard body secures me and immediately I'm turned on.

"What are you doing?"

"What do you want?  I'll give you anything for you not to leave."
He kisses me.  Slow.  His tongue whips the back of my neck.  I moan deep.  I don't move.  He slowly drops my pants at that moment.  He pushes me up against the nearest wall!

It happens so fast!

My pants are suspended beneath my ankles.  His hard dick presses on my ass cheeks.  He's so horny that his dick precums.  I can feel it up against my cheek.  I can smell him all around me.  He's sniffing me.  Then Keon does something I think he'd never do again.

He penetrates me!

I moan deep.

"FUCK!"

It's just how I remember.  For a minute I remember all the love.  It all comes back.  Keon drives his hips inside of me.  I moan again and again.  He bites my neck.  He bites down.  He puts both hands on my wrists and secures me up against the wall so I can't move.  I can hear his heavy breathing behind me.  I know he's drunk and he smells like it but I don't give a damn.  He still smells like a man.  I've loved this man so strongly and right now I'm so taken by him.

His dick slides into me.  The wet shaft fills me up.   He begins to pound me all the while talking all this shit, "Take that dick.  Take it...you like that?"

I loved it.

Like was an understatement.

"I love you..." I tell him.

"I love you too Joshua."

That's it.  I elbow Keon right in his fucking face as hard as I can when he calls me my brother's name.  Keon belts in pain.   He stumbles right out of me.

I'm horny and he still is sexy as fuck but I can't do this anymore.  I have so much fucking pride.  I just can't fucking do this anymore.

"I'll move my things in the morning," I tell him.

~

I head to the nearest bar to the house.  I need a drink.  I want to cry.  I want to kill Keon.  I want to do so many different things and I end up not doing any of them.  I just sit at the bar and just sit there.  I don't order a drink.  I don't do any of that.  I just fucking sit there and realize that I can't do this anymore.  I can't want Keon anymore.

I can't be in love with him anymore.

He's too far gone.

"Jamison?"

I swear I hear English's voice.  It's almost like some sort of sign.  Here I was fantasizing about this guy again.  I had turned down a damn good guy for a man who was utterly obsessed with Joshua.  I was a fucking idiot.

Then I realize it when I feel a touch.

It wasn't a fantasy.

It was English.

"What are you doing here?" I ask.

"Remember that date I told you about?" English states.

Great.

He was supposed to go on a date.

"Where is the lucky girl?"

"Actually it's a guy," he states, "And he just ran to the bathroom.  There has been something I actually have been meaning to tell you but I wasn't sure if I should bring it up until I was 100 percent sure on where things were going and..."

He's carrying on.  I'm confused.  What was he so nervous about?

"Who's your date, English?

I think about it.  And an idea crosses my head as I wonder who English has really been in contact with since he's decided he wanted to dabble with males.  The idea seems impossible but all of a sudden I see someone come out from the bathroom from the other side of the bar.

Impossible.

He walks up to English.

Impossible?

No.

Joshua puts his arm around English, making it clear who he's here with, "Oh my god, English.  You ran into my brother..."

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