Black Sheep

Black Sheep 11

Black Sheep 11

It's late that night when he comes home. Jamison, Joyous and I are sitting in the living room. As soon as he walks in, my father's eyes jet straight at me. He doesn't seem to happy to see me.

"What the hell is he doing here?" my father asks.

You would think I wasn't his son by how he looks at me. You would think I was some sort of piece of shit that was stinking up the house his mother left him.

"This is the family house. He has every right to be here," Joyous states.

I'm surprised Joyous is defending me in front of my father. I knew then that Joyous must really have been mad. Joyous was always this big gangster who didn't take shit from anyone, but when it came to my dad he sought the same level of approval that we all sought. My father didn't give that approval away easily though. Right now he isn't hiding his annoyance at my presence.

"I want that faggot out of my house," my dad says getting so worked up that he's shaking his finger at me violently, "You hear me! YOU ALL HEAR ME! OUT! OUT!"

"This is my grandmother's house," I argue.

My dad is shaking. He gets so worked up especially when he feels like he's out of control. I think maybe Joyous speaking back to him set him off. His old stubby fingers are shaking so much that I think he's having a heart attack or something.

"Calm down Dad," Jamison states, "He needs to be here right now."

"He needs to be seeking God for his sins," my dad says.

"Ain't stealing a sin?" I ask him, "Or I guess you bible thumpers love to have certain sins for certain situations."

My dad gets quiet all of a sudden. He looks from me to Jamison who is just looking awkward. I think this is the first time Jamison has probably been upset with my dad and he's doing a really good job of showing it. Jamison is such a pussy when it comes to my dad. He wants to put up this front like he's this perfect child or something.

"Dad we know you got some of that money out of the safe," Jamison states, so low that it is almost a fucking whisper.

"He stole it. Matter of fact, he stole ALL of it," I correct Jamison.

Jamison sighs. I roll my eyes.

I expect my father to act like a kid who got caught stealing out of a cookie jar. He doesn't act like that. Instead he goes over to his cigars, casually lights it, begins smoking as he pours himself some whiskey. You would think no one else was in the room by how fucking casual he was acting right now. It was pissing me the fuck off and I was minutes away from completely snapping on him. I would have if Joyous didn't take the lead.

"Dad, you not going to say anything?" Joyous asks.

My dad drinks the whiskey. He acts like he doesn't hear Joyous.

"He don't give a fuck. All that preaching he was doing just a minute ago stopped real quick," I say out loud.

It's petty. I know I'm being petty. I can't help it. I'm pissed the fuck off. I had to put my own money into this thing. If the club failed, then I would be failing with it. Anyone would be mad.

"Give him a chance," Jamison states.

"I saw you," my father says out of nowhere.

At first we aren't sure what he's talking about but then we see my father turn to Jamison. I'm completely confused when he did it.

"What?" Jamison asks.

"I saw you with Keon. It was last week when you came over to bring your mom those groceries. I was coming out to the car to help you Jamison. But I saw you had help already. You had a lot of help. You should have seen my shock when I saw that faggot put his lips on you."

Jamison's face gets white. He might as well be a fucking ghost right now. I've never seen Jamison look so completely shocked except when he saw Brian at his wedding. This is different though. At his wedding I was happy to see Jamison like this. Now I'm just confused.

"That nigga's dead. Dad on my life. That niggas dead..." Joyous states.

I roll my eyes. I'm scared for Keon but I can't with this big revelation that just happened. I don't get what the big fucking reveal was.

"I told you your son was gay a long time ago," I state.

"I didn't want to believe it," my father states, "I sure didn't."

Jamison gets up, "Dad..."

Jamison is tearing up. Jamison had worked his entire life trying to kiss my father's ass. He went to the same school my dad went to. He joined the football team. He was ready to marry some well behaved wealthy girl. I remember when we were young how my dad would take Jamison on fucking camping trips. The hell with the rest of us. Jamison would come back and brag about how much fun they had. He'd show us all the fish that he caught. Dad never explained why the rest of us never got to go. Joyous and Jamila acted like they didn't care but I knew they did. Sooner or later, everyone just came to realize that Jamison was dad's favorite. Maybe that is why my dad looked like he was in actual pain right now.

Jamison stops talking. He just stops talking as though he is being interrupted but no one interrupts him. The only thing that stops him are the tears he's crying.

"What's this got to do with the fucking money?" I ask, "Why'd you steal it?"

"Because your Uncle deserved it. He raised his family right. Look at my kids. I got a hoodlum, a drug addict and two sissy sons."

Joyous doesn't say anything about being called a hoodlum. I think a part of him always knew that my dad was disappointed in him. He deals with it the way that he always has dealt with it. He puts his hands in his pocket and looks down at the ground. Jamison is the one with the real reaction though. My dad KNEW for a fact he was a sissy. For the first time I kind of feel bad for Jamison. I look at how he just stares at the ground. My dad might as well have stabbed him and begun to twist it into his chest. Jamison is taking this bad.

"I'm glad you think you run everything but it wasn't your fucking money to give," I state, "If Big Mama wanted you to have the money or she wanted that side of the family to have the money she would have gave it to them. She didn't. That was our money that we were going to use for the club. We want it back."

"Well you ain't fucking getting it back," my father responds.

With that my father just leaves the fucking room before I can respond. I hate it when he does that. I am so pissed that he just leaves the room like that that I stop myself from punching the wall as hard as I can.

The fact that even as he left my brothers are still there just looking like fucking duds pisses me off even more.

"Ya'll didn't say shit to him!" I state.

"What you want us to say?" Joyous asks.

"Tell his ass we taking him to court. Tell him we going to the cops."

"Cops? You think I'm about to snitch on my fucking pops?" Joyous asks, "I should beat your ass for even saying that. I don't fuck with no pigs!"

"He stole from us. To give to our cousins specifically because he feels like we aren't good enough kids for him. Does that not piss anyone else off but me?"

Joyous sighs, "Man... it's fucked up but...we just got to keep it pushing."

Keep it pushing. KEEP IT PUSHING! That was easy to say when his livelihood wasn't on the line. If we didn't get this club running and successful Joyous could just walk away from it. I was the one who was going to lose everything.

I look over at Jamison.

"What about you? You just going to let that old man get away it?"

Jamison gives me a hard shrug, "It's over."

~

I'm steaming when I get back to the apartment. AK is looking at me like I have three heads. I keep pacing back and forth. My heart is beating. I'm sweating. I have never been this fucking mad in my life. I don't get how my father is getting away with stealing from us and giving all that money away to our cousins who didn't fucking need the money.

"You need to calm down. You stressing me the fuck out," AK states.

He's been looking at me pace around. I'm talking to myself. I'm that mad. I'm going over every fucked up thing I could do to my dad from pressing charges, to taking him to court, to even trying to convince Joyous to have his gangsters steal all the things that Uncle Regis and his kids got from Big Mama's money. I know none of that shit is going to work though. Joyous and Jamison clearly are willing to let my dad just walk over them.

"I've never been this upset," I state.

"I get it."

"NO YOU DON'T!" I respond, "NOTHING IN THIS WORLD IS FAIR!"

I don't mean to raise my voice like that but the stress is getting to me. Everything I had was on the line just so that my dad could prove a point. He sabotaged us. He fucking sabotaged us! He sabotaged his own fucking kids.

"Yes I do," AK responds shaking his head, "Look. I don't talk about my past. Truth is I've done some fucked up shit, man. I've done some real fucked up shit in my past. I've been a savage. My dad was a pimp and my mom was his hoe. He didn't love her. I used to watch when he sold her to men."

I stop pacing. I turn to AK. I look at him. For the first time I actually really look at him. And I'm impressed. I always thought his sex was good. I mean the boy was fine. Tall, sexy with a smile that would make you want to just straight up melt. I'd never really seen past the good dick and the slim, tight physique. I never saw past the gangster wife beater, with his pants sagging and the gold grill that he sometimes puts on his bottom teeth. I always just thought it was sexy. Now I was realizing that there was more to him. There was more to AK.

"That's fucked up," is all I can say.

"I didn't grow up knowing what love is. For me the streets were the only affection I could have. You know?" AK explains grunting a little bit and grabbing the barrel of his gun, "I thought that was love. Then I met you."

My eyes get wide, "Wow."

"Now nigga I ain't saying I'm in love with you or nothing," he responds relatively quickly, "I'm saying one day maybe I could be. That's why I think leaving my brother was probably the best move for me. I was looking for love but that wasn't it. But this could be. And I got excited and it was like...wow. This is what I been missing."

I give him a smile.

"That's probably the sweetest thing someone has ever said to me."

He laughs, flashing me that perfect straight Colgate white smile without the aid of his gold grill, "I say all that to let you know that the world is fucked up. You got to find what love means for you. You got to find that thing that you can live for. You got to find that thing that's missing, because that thing with your Dad...from what you tell me man...that ain't it."

I can't stop staring at him.

"Wow."

"Nigga why you staring at me like that?" he asks.

I take a step closer to him. I can't help it. Before I know it I'm kissing the guy. My tongue is down his throat. I almost forget he's holding a gun but luckily he's smart enough to put it on the table. As soon as that is secured AK comes at me with everything he has. He slams me hard into the wall and shoves his tongue deep down my throat. He starts to grind on me, pressing his hard dick up against my inner thigh. I can feel it through his pants. It's growing fast.

AK rips his wife beater off. He starts ripping off my shirt. He begins kissing the side of my neck at that moment.

"I want you so bad," I tell him.

I mean it too. I don't mean just sexually either. AK opening up the way he did makes me look at him in a different light. I'm really enjoying that light.

"Show me how much you want me."

He unbuckles my pants and his hand goes down there. His whole arm is down my pants as he presses me up against the wall. I pant when I feel him grab a hand full of my dick. He gives it a hard squeeze at first and then starts to work the shaft slowly with the palm of his hand. He works the shaft up and down. I feel myself panting the whole time he does it.

"Fuck," I state.

All of a sudden there is a knock on the door.

"You expecting someone?" he asks.

I look at the door, "No."

I watch as AK runs to get his gun. My heart is racing. I'm thinking the worst right now. What if Joyous had some people in the neighborhood and they got wind of the fact that AK was staying with me? What if someone knew that an enemy to the gang was in my apartment? I watch AK back up behind the front door with his gun in hand.

I go to the front door. I want to ask him if it's necessary for him to act like that but I can't be mad at the fact that he wants to protect himself.

I open the door.

I'm shocked by who it is.

"Hey," Keon says.

Keon is standing at my door. He has on a leather coat. He looks serious. He has a duffle bag in his hands. I'm a little confused to say the least.

"What are you doing here, Keon?" I ask, "This isn't really a good time..."

"So your brother got dudes posted outside my apartment."

Fuck. Joyous...

He definitely had a bone to pick with Keon.

"I'm sorry about that..."

"Word on the street is he got a bag with my name on it."

"A bag?" I ask.

"A body bag. That's what they say out here when Joyous got it out for you. I know your brother man. Usually those bags get filled," Keon tells me.

Keon is talking like he's afraid. Maybe he doesn't want to show that side to me but honestly I just think Keon isn't anywhere near a punk. He's not scared but he's not an idiot either. Keon showing up here at this time night even though I didn't stay too far from Joyous showed that he wasn't a punk.

"He knows about you and Jamison," I tell Keon.

Keon stares down at that moment knowing how serious this is.

"Fuck," is all that comes out of his mouth.

"I'll talk to him. I'll get this shit worked out. I promise," I state.

I still had to talk to Joyous about AK. Speaking of AK, he was still standing behind the door with his gun loaded. I had almost forgotten. He was hearing this entire conversation.

"I know you'll come through for me. You always do. Still. It's not safe to go back to my place. They setting for me. I was wondering if I could crash here...Skinny."

Fuck.

"That is not a good idea."

"I don't have anywhere else to go..." he responds, "I was kind of pretty sure you would let me stay with you..."

"Jamison has an apartment, doesn't he?"

I wasn't even sure. That's how uninterested I was in Jamison's life. Still I would think if Keon and Jamison were actually seeing each other then that is where he needed to be.

"He's kind of not answering his phone calls or answering the door for me."

"I'm not surprised."

"What's that mean?"

"It means my dad knows about Jamison right now. He saw you two kissing. Looks like my brother is going to do whatever it takes to get back in my dad's good graces."

Keon looks a little surprised, "He wouldn't...would he?"

I don't know what he means by it. He wouldn't cut him off? He wouldn't be shady like that? It had to be something of that. Regardless of what Keon meant by the question, the answer was the same.

"Sorry man, but my brother would actually do that to you. I'm sure he's ignoring your calls."

Keon stares at the ground. He looks embarrassed. His face gets all red. He just stares at the entrance of my apartment looking fucking embarrassed as all fuck.

It's awkward for a few minutes.

"I really have nowhere else to go man."

I should shut the door on his ass. He chose Jamison. He chose that snake, knowing damn well it was only a matter of time before his ass got bit. I should let the venom sneak in. I should shut that door and say, "I told you so." I should do all that. I should let Keon realize how stupid of a mistake he made and that he chose to be with the wrong brother.

Instead of doing all that though I realize that regardless of the issues me and Keon had that he was still my best friend. And I still stayed with him for a point when I moved back here. I couldn't just shut him out.

"You're more than welcome to stay here but there's something you need to do know if you do..."

Just at that moment AK walks out from behind the door.

AK's dick is still hard in his pants from the action we were starting before. It's still very visible. Nothing is more awkward than seeing Keon's face when he looks at me, then looks at AK, then looks at AK's print, then looks back at me. It's as though I'm watching a crowd's reaction to a horror movie. He's connecting the dots right now and he is speechless.

"Is he staying here?" Keon asks.

"Yeah."

Keon nods. AK is still standing there. Holding a gun and all that. Keon just so happens to shift his shirt at that moment and I realize he is carrying a gun too. Maybe he wants AK to know that he has one. All I know is that these guys were once in rival gangs and even though they weren't in those gangs anymore it didn't matter. That beef was still there.

"I'm definitely staying," Keon states, "Excuse me..."

Keon walks into the apartment. The tension is so heavy as the two boys stare each other down. I know this is a bad idea but it's not like I have a choice. It's not like I can just pay for Keon to get a hotel room or something. I put all my money into the fucking club.

"Can you put that away?" I whisper to AK, referring to the gun that he's clutching.

"Whatever you want," AK states.

He puts the gun down. Keon is staring at him the whole time. He puts the gun down right in front of Keon and sneers in a taunting way a little bit. AK heads to the fridge at that moment. He's still shirtless. He doesn't even attempt to put his shirt on. It's almost as though he's showing Keon just how comfortable he is here.

Keon doesn't take his eyes off of him.

I can almost feel the fumes coming off of Keon. He still hasn't dropped his duffle bag and it has me wondering there are clothes in there or a semi-automatic rifle.

AK doesn't seem to be bothered either way, "Baby, you coming to sleep?"

Keon stops looking at AK and looks at me. You would have thought AK had just said the craziest thing in the world. Keon can't even hide how shocked he is. His mouth literally drops open when AK says it. I know at this point AK is just adding flames to the fire. If that isn't enough AK grabs his dick giving it a slight tug to adjust himself, showing just how big he is and also making sure that I know that as soon as I get in that bedroom it was going to be on.

"In a minute," I tell AK.

AK licks his lips at me, "Don't take too long."

With that AK heads to the bedroom and closes the door behind him. When he closes the door I turn to Keon and the look on his face proves that he was not expecting all of this when he came over to my house.

"Baby?" he asks.

I think about saying something to lessen this blow. I decide against it though. I don't think it will work and regardless why should I want to lessen a blow for Keon. He didn't lessen the blow when I found out he was still fucking Jamison.

"Yeah, funny how that works huh?" I ask, "Let me get you some blankets."

Keon is quiet the whole time I go get the blankets. I can tell he's trying to find the right words to say but at this moment I don't think he knows what those words are. I don't think he is completely sure about how he wants to react to this situation. When I bring him the blankets he's sitting on the couch, waiting for me.

"You got this dude in your house?" Keon asks me, "You...da-dat-da---"

"Dating him?" I finish Keon's sentence, "I think so. We haven't had a conversation about it or nothing but I really like him."

Keon grunts.

"Wow..."

Keon might want me to stay out here an argue with him about this all night. I didn't have plans to do that. The truth is I was very horny and I knew that AK was ready and waiting in that bedroom. I just hoped we weren't too loud. I definitely didn't want to disturb Keon when AK was banging me out.

"Well goodnight."

I start to walk off but I don't get far. Keon has my wrist. He holds it for a second.

"Wait."

"What?"

Keon looks like he has something to say but he doesn't say it. He just releases my wrist. I look at him realizing that he's acting a little strange. He lets me go none-the-less though but even as I'm walking to the room I can see his eyes burning a hole in my back the entire time I walk away.

~

The next day I head to the Marchioness. Marcella has already been working on overseeing the remodeling. When I walk into the place there are a bunch of locals in there. They are painting, adding new flooring and building a whole new bar from scratch.

"This place is coming along," I tell Marcella.

"We're just beginning. We have a lot of work ahead of us," Marcella states before shaking her head, "I do have a problem though."

"What problem?"

Marcella takes me into the large room, "See that beam right there. That beam is old and breaking. We need to replace the entire thing. That's definitely going to eat into the budget..."

"Are we still on budget though?" I ask her.

Marcella looks down at her numbers. I can tell by the look on her face that things are good. I knew Marcella well enough. She stares down the numbers in her steel frame glasses.

"We are going to be cutting it close here," she explains, "But we should still be fine. I'll just let the manager know that this grand opening better be impressive. Where is the manager by the way?"

"My brother may have threatened his life."

Marcella gives me a look. She's not used to working in this situations at all. It's kind of embarrassing for me but I'm not going to lie to her about what is really going on. The look she gives me says it all. She is a polished professional who is dealing with this.

"Do I have to start putting funeral arrangements in the budget because of your family?" Marcella asks.

"I'll talk to Joyous and make sure he behaves. He's cute though, ain't he?"

Marcella gives me a hard look, "We passed up three government contracts to open this club. I don't have time for..."

"Just say it. My brother's cute, isn't he?" I ask Marcella.

Marcella doesn't respond, rolling her eyes and walking away to continue the work she has to do. I know once she gets her mind set on something nothing is going to stop her. She hates being here but she's here for me and I know this is in the right hands.

When Marcella walks away I go out to the front. I can see that the workers are putting down the floor and it has a sparkly color to it. I'm not surprised Jamison's gay ass is in the front staring at the glitter like this is the most amazing thing in the world to see.

"I'm going to assume from your stares that you approve," I state.

"It's OK. I hope you are implementing some of my ideas."

He had to change the subject.

"Is it impossible for you to say you like something?" I ask Jamison.

Jamison rolls his eyes, "Is there something you want?"

"Where's Joyous? I need to talk to him..."

"Do I look like his keeper? He should be here any minute. Wait for him."

Jamison starts walking away. It's clear he can't stand to be around me too long. Unfortunately for him though I wasn't done with the conversation. He realizes that as I continue to follow him into what is going to be a kitchen area.

"I'm actually not done. Your boyfriend is at my apartment."

"Who?" Jamison asks.

"Keon."

Jamison gives me a look as though he has never heard the name a day in his fucking life.

"That is not my boyfriend."

"Well your fuck buddy. The boy that's been plowing your ass for years."

"You don't know what we did..."

"I'm sure Keon didn't bend over for you."

Jamison rolls his eyes, "Is there a motto to your story or are you just feeling extra shady today?"

"Are you not going to call him or invite him to your place or...something?" I ask my brother.

Jamison looks at me like I have two heads.

"Now why would I do something like that?"

"Ya'll have been dating for years."

"Like I said before. You don't know what we did. But whatever it was. It's over," Jamison explains, "This Sunday, dad is having a special sermon for me to cast my demons out once and for all."

I give Jamison a hard look and roll my eyes, "Are you serious?"

"Yes. Very serious. He's going to cleanse me."

Jamison isn't laughing. He isn't being funny. He's looking at me with a straight face and telling me that my dad was going to have a special sermon to cast out his "demons". Jamison might not be laughing at this but it's hard for me to keep it down.

"You think that's going to work Jamison?"

"I'm going to be delivered. I spoke with Dad. I confessed how I allowed you to tempt me into your dark ways for so long."

"You blamed it on me."

"If it wasn't for you I wouldn't be this way. I wouldn't have thought it was OK if I didn't see you doing it," he responds.

I roll my eyes.

"I didn't do shit. You were born gay and you going to die gay. Ain't no sermon ever going to change that."

"He told me you would say that," Jamison states.

"Who?"

"Dad. He told me you would try to turn me from the light," Jamison states, "But it's OK. I will be delivered. And you're just jealous."

"What am I jealous of? What do you have that I don't have? At one point I would have said Keon but he's sleeping on MY couch right now. So what do you have that I could possibly be jealous of?"

"You're jealous Dad chose to deliver me and not you," Jamison states, shaking his head, "Your soul is too far gone."

I laugh when Jamison says that but it does kind of hurt. Not the thing about the soul. I could care less what Jamison says about my soul. It hurts because he's right about the fact that my father hadn't tried this sermon when he found out I was gay. It's not about it working or not. I was young then. I could have pretended it worked for a while. Instead I was kicked out on the streets and became homeless sleeping on park benches and eating out of trashcans. My father disowned me right away. Even now that he knew Jamison was gay he was still choosing him.

It hurt.

I laugh the hurt away hoping that it's not going to bother me. I know Jamison can probably see right through it because he smiles while I laugh. Luckily Joyous walks in. That's who I came here for anyway.

"Joyous, I need to talk to you," I start off.

I don't know how I'm going to get him not only to pardon AK but pardon Keon as well. This was definitely going to take all of my brotherly charm.

Joyous already isn't trying to hear it from the beginning, "Not now."

"Damn...just shut me down huh?"

"We need to go..."

"What?"

"It's Ma. She called me. She said Jamila came home."

"Oh that's good right."

"No. She went straight to grandma's old medicine cabinet and took everything in there. At once."

My mouth gets dry.

Jamison looks at Joyous hard, "Bro... what are you saying?"

"I'm saying Jamila overdosed."

To read the next chapter in advance go to www.crushedcrown.com