A sequel to the original, "Boarding With Jim", which should probably be read before this... I'm probably playing out this scenario, but we'll see where it goes. I just started another story, "Results of Behavioral Conditioning and Sexual Development Studies at the New Outlooks Research Institute, 1997-1999", which will present another aspect of the findings of this setting...
Billy the Delinquent Gets Sent to New Outlooks
I know I should have known better, but she was so damn hot I couldn't help myself. Lisa was one of the hottest chicks in school. Everyone else on the Junior Varsity football team knew it, too. Since she had moved in next door to me earlier this year, I knew I had the best shot at her. I had a good system going -- after school I had practice and she had cheerleading. We always rode the same late bus home, so I made sure to sit right behind her every time. It was fucking awesome. None of the other chicks in our grade had tits like that yet, and from the seat behind her I could get a good view of them every time she leaned to one side or got off the bus. Damn, great ass, too.
As of the end of the school year approached, with its warmer weather, Lisa started to wear lighter clothing. That was so awesome. I must have had a shit-eating grin on my face the last day. I'd already planned what I was going to do. My fosterparents usually didn't get home from work for an hour or so after us, and Lisa's parents both worked, too. She'd be home alone, and if I played my cards right she'd ask me in for a little while.
She looked so hot in school that last day that the day seemed to last forever. She was wearing this short skirt that showed her legs and a tight tank top.... Damn. By the time I got on the bus that afternoon I was ready to burst. The drive home lasted about 15 minutes, so I tactfully started up a conversation with her along the way. I was wearing a tank top and kept subtlely flexing so she could see my work in the gym. Well, when we got off the bus I realized that she wasn't going to have me in... So I flat out asked her if I could come in for a while.
It wasn't really any big deal, but a few minutes after we went inside she showed me her room. She sat down at her desk for a second to look at some magazine while I was in the bathroom. As I came out I saw her with her back turned and new it was my chance. I had to feel those tits, damn it!
I quietly snuck in the room. As I got near her I put my arms out and quickly moved them around under her arms. For a second she seemed warm enough, but then the next thing I knew the bitch started screaming and crying and struggling with me. I knew I'd muffed this chance, so after a few seconds I just gave up and went home.
I was hoping she would just let it go, but the next thing I knew her dad was on the phone with my foster parents. They came in my room that night demanding an explanation. Hell, what the fuck could I say? She was hot, I wanted a touch. I was a good looking guy with blond hair and blue eyes, what was her problem? Maybe the bitch was a lesbian.
Well, I guess that was the wrong thing to say, because the next morning Mrs. Greig the social worker was at the front door, threatening to take me to see this psychologist down in Camden. I guess that bitch Lisa's parents were filing papers or threating to press charges if something "wasn't done" about me. What the fuck?
"Its your choice, Billy," she said. "You know if this goes to court you'll be back in juvenile hall. So what's it going to be -- that or a visit to see Dr. Nelson?"
Its not like I has much of a choice. I'd already been in juvenile hall the summer before for busting up this asshole's car at the McDonalds where I was working, and didn't want to repeat the experience. I'd been suspended a few times this year for fights and stuff, and I knew if I didn't agree, Lisa' parents would get me put back in the hall for something like this. So I agreed to go see that shrink the following Tuesday.
We got down there at 10:00 that morning, and were admitted to the office almost immediately. Dr. Nelson was maybe 40 years old, tall, and pretty stiff. He was an asshole just like the rest of them, but I played along.
"You know, I've been reviewing your case and frankly I don't think I've seen another 13 year old boy whose been in this kind of trouble," he said.
"Yeah, so what?" I snapped, defiantly.
"Well, its one thing that you have issues with authority and that you're prone to be violent, and entirely another that you can't control these sexual impulses. Like I said, its unusual for a boy as young as 13 to have sexual problems like this. Taking all these problems into consideration, I'm afraid I'm going to have to recommend that you be sent to a school that can help you improve your behavior. I have a friend who runs just such a school in North Carolina, and I'm going to recommend to the courts that you be sent there under his care."
I just kind of sat there with my arms folded, frowning. I'd been sent to reform school a few years back, and I knew this wouldn't be much different. I wasn't going to let these fucks change me, no matter what this asshole said.
Anyway, Dr. Nelson sent me back into the waiting room and had some private conversation with Mrs. Greig. About five minutes later she came out of his office holding a folder full of papers.
"Okay Billy, let's go," she said. "Looks like you will soon be studying for a while at the New Outlooks Boarding School."
We didn't talk much as she was driving me home. When we got there I was sent to my room while she had a talk with my foster parents. (Like I wasn't going to listen from the stairwell).
Well, actually they were talking pretty quietly, but at one point I did hear Harriet (my foster Mom, who I liked to call Hairyette) yelled out something about that they didn't care where I was sent, as long as I was taught a lesson. Damn, I knew she was another bitch, but it must have been that time of the month or something!
My departure date was set for early August, so I just kind of layed low during July. Yeah, I did get in some more trouble with some of the other guys from the football team (we went after a couple of chicks while lifting in the school gym), and I did get in a few fights, but it as all in good fun.
That day Mrs. Greig showed up with my paperwork. It was something like 8:00 am, and I hadn't packed anything yet, so I started to scramble around for some of my shit.
"Don't bother, Billy. Dr. Nelson has told me that the school will be providing you with everything you'll need. I've already gotten the court's approval and all the release forms right here, so all we need to do is get you to your flight. Nurse Leigh Melbourne of the New Outlooks School will be meeting you at the airport."
I said goodbye to my foster parents (as if they cared) and got in the car with Mrs. Greig. I'd never been to a boarding school I had to fly to before, but I knew basic the drill. There's no real difference from one shithole to the next. Anyway I got on the 11:35 flight and landed at around 2:00.
Mary the stewardess (another piece of work, but she had awesome thighs) saw me down to the one of the gates, where I guess they'd already told her the nurse would be waiting. "Quite a rowdy one," said the stewardess. "I guess you guys run a good reform school for boys like him?"
"Oh, yes we do, " the nurse said. "There's nothing else like it. After a year or two you with us wouldn't even recognize him."
Nurse Leigh introduced herself to me rather flatly, and we went through the airport toward the pick-up area, where there was a car waiting. She was maybe 45 or so, had kind of sloppy looking brown hair, and was maybe 5'9". Not much of a looker.
"Well, Billy, it should be interesting to see what some time in one of our programs does for you," she said. "As you know New Outlooks uses some unusual approaches with our boys."
"You mean its all boys -- no chicks?" I asked, dissappointed.
"Well... none your age," she said. "At least, you could say, there are no young women starting in your grade today."
I didn't know what the hell she was talking about, but I figured I'd keep my mouth shut until we got there.
At least the place looked kind of decent. As we pulled up I realized there were extensive grounds, with big fields and trees. I saw what looked like a football field off in the distance. That was cool... I didn't think a reform school would have a decent field. I could see some volleyball nets too, but volleyball is such a chick's game, and I'd never play it unless I was at the beach showing off.
There were maybe 75 other guys starting at this place the same day, so there was quite a bit of activity as we went into the front desk. Nurse Leigh left to go somewhere, and I was send into a room with some of the others to begin the school's orientation program.
The middle of the orientation included a tour of the school's gym and health facility. It was all pretty decent -- more like you'd see at a college than a small school like this -- so I was actually impressed. The Director announced that we'd all be getting our "preliminary checks" at this point, so we all sat down on the bleachers.
Maybe five minutes later they started calling us one or two at a time into the Director's office. They did the whole eye and ear test thing and all that crap. Then I was taken into the weight room for strength tests. When we were done the Director came over with these light pink colored plastic bands.
"Billy, you are being put in what we call our Pinkband Program." He snapped one of the bands on each of my ankles, and started to do the same on my wrists. "These bands are part of the dress code here, and you will wear them at all times."
I was infuriated. "Dress code?! Why the fuck do I need to wear these stupid things? No one told me there's a dress code!"
"This is all part of the discipline here," he said. "You'll find the punishment quite severe if you choose to go against our regulations. In any case I see here that you've also had a history of problems with your behavior, and we'll be addressing that as well."
I just kind of grumbled at that, and figured I might as well wait and see what was going on before I got too bold with them. Just what I needed, though, more fucking "regulations."
Anyway the dress code was kind of wacked at this place. I learned there were two kinds of programs that the school ran, Pinkband and Blueband, and the guys in the programs were usually called "Pinkbands" or "Bluebands". Aside from the colored wrist and ankle bands that we had to wear, the dress code itself was different between the two programs. Pinkband stuff was snug-flitting, especially the shirts, while Bluebands wore looser-fitting clothes, tank tops and stuff. Most of the clothes looked like gym clothes, as I learned when I went to my assigned room with the bag of shit they gave me.
It pissed me off that Pinkbands couldn't wear tank tops, since I'd spend so much time in the gym, but as I changed into the clothes they gave me I noticed at least the Pinkband-style t-shirts (which had really tight-fitting short sleeves) were snug enough to show some of my musclework. They wouldn't let me wear boxers, though, which also really pissed me off. Pinkbands had to wear these girly bikini brief type things -- they were made of satin, and had thin elastic bands at the top and around the leg holes. And all of the Pinkband clothes were these soft colors, like light green, purple, yellow, or white. There were even some pink clothes in the bag they gave me. What the fuck? Even if they came up high on the legs (which was also a bit girly), at least the shorts made a nice tent over my dick.
I was almost done changing when this other guy Michael came in the room and announced he was my roommate. He was also a Pinkband. I wasn't sure about him. I wondered if he was a faggot, because he seemed soft and timid, and he had a bit of a lisp, but then I decided I couldn't tell for certain. I could tell in a second that he definitely wasn't an athlete, so even if there was a problem I saw I could easily beat the shit out of him. He was my age and about my height, but he had a really slight build. I noticed his arms were a lot thinner than mine. While we were talking and he was changing I could see he'd be easy to intimidate. He had this pathetically tiny little dick, too. What a fucking wimp. Anyway as he started changing I left to go back to the orientation.
One thing did occur to me as I was walking back. Most of the taller or more althetic-looking guys were Bluebands. Most of the Pinkbands were somewhat smaller and had thin or even really slight builds. At least half were kind of faggy, kind of like Michael. Weird. Well, at least I'd be strong enough to beat the shit out of most of them if there was a problem. Besides, I had no intention of hanging around with them anyway.
Of course, as I got back to the Director's office and the orientation continued I was told that Pinkbands weren't even allowed to lift weights -- only smaller stuff and cardio machines. I tried to argue withe the Director, but the only thing he told me was "Your program does not focus on that type of athletics."
After a review of schedules we had to follow every day (like 7:30 breakfast--this place was like the fucking Army), I was sent into what looked like a doctor's exam room. After a few minutes Nurse Leigh came in, along with this guy she introduced as Dr. Mark.
"Time for your full medical exam, Billy" said the nurse.
"Well, Billy, I see you were sent here by my friend Dr. Nelson. He and I were old college roommates, and I know he's taken an interest in the type of work we do here. I've promised him we'd take good care of you here, and I'm sure that things will work out."
I didn't really give a shit about any of this, so I didn't say anything.
"I see you have decided to be complacent. Oh well, let's just continue the examination then, shall we?" He gestured for me to remove my shirt.
"My, I see you've been quite serious about working out. That's a good physique for a guy your age. When do you turn 14?" He started taking measurements of my arms, legs, and chest.
"January 12th," I said. "Isn't there any way you can get me into the weight room?"
"Oh, I'm afraid not, Billy. Those muscles are part of the reason you've been in trouble. I think we'll definitely be focusing you on some other things instead."
Yeah right. "You're an asshole." I declared. (How were chicks going to go for me if I didn't work out?)
Strangely, all Dr. Mark did was chuckle. Nurse Leigh stepped over and took a few pictures of me from various angles, then went back over to the counter on the other side of the room. "One-month Depo-Provera, Deandron-C, and initial Estradiol/Esterestinyhol-Neurenathol with Feminenne Complex One I/D+2, 150mg?" she asked Dr. Mark.
"Use I/D+3 for this first one," Doctor Mark corrected, "and 190mg. He's an especially aggressive one." She nodded.
I didn't know what they were talking about, but I almost freaked out at this point, because suddenly the doctor reached over with a ruler and pulled down the front of my sweats.
"Four inches flaccid" he announced to Nurse Leigh.
This had never happened to me before, and I had no idea how to react. But the doctor's hands were rough, and the next thing I knew my cock was pointing straight up at the cieling.
"I'm not a fag!" I yelped. I wasn't turned on or anything, but the doctor's sudden action had caused my dick to wake up.
"I didn't think you were," he said, "not that I'd care. But I would suggest you not worry about such things. Tolerance is another thing you'll learn here," he said. "Six and three quarters inches erect." he anounced to the nurse. "Don't worry. We'll take of this problem too."
At this point I wasn't sure whether I should be embarrassed or pissed. Instinctively, I swung at the doctor, knocking the ruler out of his hands. It clattered to the floor on the other side of the room.
"My, my, all that and a temper, too!" exclaimed Nurse Leigh. "Well, we knew you were an aggressive boy... But not to worry, that will change. Especially after we've pumped a couple doses of this into your system..."
She started walking over with this enormous syringe and a bottle of this oily looking stuff with a bright pink label.
"What the fuck is THAT!" I screamed.
She remained silent, but the doctor answered. "Oh keep quiet you little prick! This is something to help soften all your problems," he said. "You'll understand soon. You'll be getting shots pretty often here, although this is a larger one than those that will become part of your routine. This will help keep you out of trouble."
The doctor was a tall guy, and suddenly he'd pinned me facing the exam table. I was panicking as Nurse Leigh came over, pulled down my sweat pants, and sunk the needle into my ass. It hurt like hell, and I could feel the cool liquid being emptied into me.
"We've reformulated this a bit since last year," the nurse said. "We had a problem with some of our Pinkbands getting too nervous and getting in trouble. Now, in addition to what we used to administer, this also contains something to make you feel good and keep you calm and relaxed."
"The new ingredients include a mild tranquilizer," said Dr. Mark, still pinning me against the table. "...along with a small dose of a muscle relaxant and a few other things. This will put some space between your legs!" I felt another piercing pain on the other side of my ass.
Suddenly I felt an enormous rush. Overwhelmed, I gasped sharply and let go of my grip on the table's edge. I completely lost my balance, and if the doctor hadn't had me pinned I would have fell over. For a couple seconds my eyes even crossed.
"Feels good, doesn't it?" said Doctor Mark, relaxing his grip on me. "We've found that most boys are much more willing to cooperate if we give them something to look forward to. Naturally most of your shots won't be quite this strong, but this definitely seems to have eased that initial rough edge, wouldn't you agree?"
I just stared blankly across the room. I still couldn't even focus my eyes, and was too awestruck even to speak. Nurse Leigh rubbed another cotton ball on my ass, and pulled by sweats back up. At that point she could have whacked me with a two-by-four and I don't think I would have cared.
I was told to return to the exam room for another checkup the next morning, and sent to dinner. My knee were still weak, so I was walking slowly and it took me a while to get there.. I was very foggy as I sat down next to Michael at a table with a few other Pinkbands. Earlier I had planned on hanging around with the Bluebands, figuring that they could sneak me into the weight room and that I should keep away from some of these wimpy, faggy Pinkbands, but at the moment I didn't care. I just wasn't motivated to do anything about it. I was so awed and exhausted and didn't feel like working up to go introduce myself to new people. Michael was the only other person I knew. Besides, there'd be time to hang out with the others later or tomorrow, for sure.
I noticed most of us at the table were similarly awed from the shots. It was almost as if we were all high. The Bluebands at the next table, however, didn't seem too different from the way they were before. If anything they were a bit more energetic. I heard them talking about shots, but I wondered if the shots we got were different from theirs. After a few seconds, though, it was so hard to hold the thought that it just kind of faded and I looked down at my food. Rice and vegetables. I should have been famished by then, but really wasn't that hungry. Maybe it was because of the shot. Michael and the other Pinkbands said they weren't either. Even though it was good food, none of us really ate much. Two of the guys said they felt a bit queasy and didn't eat anything at all. The Bluebands, though, seemed hungry enough. It figures that they would be... They were eating steaks.
After dinner Michael and I went back to our room and continued getting settled in. Whereas before I was kind of unsure around him, I felt so good and relaxed from the shot that I found myself chatting with him. We didn't have too much in common, as he wasn't interested in any sports, but I guess he was a nice enough guy.
By the time we were getting ready for bed my stomach was churning and my head was pounding, but I still felt pretty airy from the shot. I guess Michael felt the same nausea, though, because he went in the bathroom and puked before bed. With his shirt off I could see why he wasn't into sports. He had a really slight build and couldn't have been too strong, with shoulders or arms like that. Even his legs were really thin. I looked down at my knobby biceps, toned pecs, and washboard stomach and was pleased to have what I had. I knew I was only 13, but given a few more years I knew I'd fill out even more. Damn, what a stud I'd be. I thought of Lisa, and if only I had gotten farther with her. I hadn't actually shared a room with another guy before, and I wanted to jerk off, so I quietly slipped into the bathroom for a few minutes. I don't think he noticed, although earlier he was in the shower for quite a while and may have done it himself.
I woke up the next morning to the sound of Michael puking in the bathroom again. I felt pretty sick myself and the next thing I knew I was doing the same thing a few minutes later. It was weird that we both felt sick, so I wondered if it was related to the drugs they had given us. I still had something of a buzz from the shot, but maybe it was some kind of withdrawral or something.
Breakfast was okay that morning, even if the portion was kind of small. Plain cereal, skim milk, and half a grapefruit, but with the nausea most of us still weren't that hungry so it was enough. We were also given vitamins, a big, round light-pink colored pill and two smaller white ones. They smelled faintly like chemicals, but we were told that we had to take them and that they would help ease the nausea and make us feel better. I wondered if the vitamins would make me feel like yesterday's shot did. I though about it for a minute or so, but then figured "what the hell?" and washed them down with orange juice.
The medical exams were kind of strange that day. After Nurse Leigh gave me another shot (not like the first one, but it still felt so good I was weak in the knees, and she said this one would last for a while), Dr. Mark made me put on this plastic underwear. It was hard for me to focus and pay attention to exactly what he was doing, but I felt this cool sensation between my legs. After putting on rubber gloves, he smeared some slimy clear stuff on my dick, then filled a small plastic bag (actually it looked like a condom with a tight elastic at the base) with this pink cream. I looked down as he put the bag on over my dick, tightened the elastic, then told me to pull up the plastic underwear and my sweats and go sit in the waiting room. I wasn't sure what the doctor was doing or what this was for, but I felt so awesome from the shot Nurse Leigh had given me that even though he was doing something between my legs I didn't really question anything that was happening. I felt so good I didn't care. Anyway, whatever the creams were, they started to feel warm. I really don't know if I was even thinking about anything the whole time. It was like I didn't have a care in the world. I was just sitting there with Michael and a few of the other Pinkbands talking quietly about the weather and stuff.
Gradually the warm, tingly feeling that the creams were giving my dick caused me to get hard, and I could tell the other boys were hard too, though all of us felt so high we didn't do anything to conceal our erections. I hadn't thought that my dick was unusually big (It was maybe six inches), but from the quick looks I took at the tents in the other Pinkbands' sweats, I seemed the biggest of the lot. That was kind of cool. Just to rub it in, I opened my legs a bit to make sure they could see my size. The hard on was starting to make me want to go back to the room and jerk off, but eventually I got into talking with the others and went soft again.
Most of us were waiting for over an hour and a half before Dr. Mark called us in to take off the plastic bag and creams. Damn, did that stuff itch by then! When I went back to the room to shower I noticed my dick was all red and felt all numb from the cream. Again pretty weird, but I didn't want to be late for my first class, so I quickly got dressed.
I didn't realize anything unusual until, when I showed up for class, I was the only one there. It was a strange room--very small for a classroom--with carpeted floors and a big reclining chair next to the teacher's desk. After a few minutes Dr. Mark walked in.
"Hello Billy, how are you feeling?"
"Good," I responded, still experiencing the pleasant dullness of the morning shot and the vitamins. Apparently it lasted all day.
"Yeah, most boys don't mind shots like that," he continued. "Of course there will be a few side effects. Most boys find that they have trouble concentrating and are a bit slower both mentally and physically, but we don't expect much brainwork out of you anyway."
"Where is everyone else?" I asked.
The doctor signalled me to go to the reclining chair. "You'll be joining them soon enough. But for now you are the only student in this class. This will be a special session just for you, and we'll be addressing some of your behavioral issues."
Doctor Mark set up some equipment, a slide projector, along with some other stuff I'd never seen before. On his desk he placed a big wheel with swirl-marked patterns on it.
"Okay Billy, now that you are comfortable in that chair, lets begin, shall we? I want to you lean back and relax. We're going to talk for a few minutes and while we're talking I want you to look very carefully at this wheel here on my desk."
"Is this some kind of vision test?" I asked.
"Ah.. why yes, it is, " he said. "Look carefully and think about what you see in the wheel." He touched a button and the wheel started spinning.
Normally I'd never have cooperated with bullshit like this, but like I said, I still felt so good from the shot, and there didn't seem to be any harm doing what he asked just this once. After a few minutes of quiet talking and looking at that wheel I realized I felt like I was starting to daydream. I felt like we'd left the room we were sitting in. We were back in the office where I'd had my first exam, and the doctor was again telling me about the rules at New Outlooks.
"Billy we need to do something about your language," he said. "Is there a reason you feel you must use such foul language?"
I thought for a second, but was still blank.
"I think you'll feel much better, almost like you did with that first injection, if you stop using bad words," he said. "Would you like to feel good, like you did with that first injection?"
"Yes," I replied mindlessly.
"Very good, Billy." He said. "Then from now on I want you to use nice words. You will be very polite to everyone. You don't really like hurting people's feelings, do you Billy?"
"No," I said.
"Well then, you should always keep that in mind when talking to people. Can you do that, Billy?"
"Yes."
"Very good, Billy. Now let's talk about something else." He turned on the slide projector and advanced the tray a few frames. "Now Billy, what do you see here?"
"Its a picture of a chick."
"No, Billy, 'chick' is a bad word. Remember, you don't want to use bad words now, do you?"
"No," I said, agreeing.
"Billy, this is a girl, can you say that?"
"This is a girl."
"And what do you notice about the girl?"
"She is my age."
"Yes Billy, and what else?"
"She is hot, nice tits."
"No, Billy, that is very bad, and if she were here you would have embarrassed her and hurt her feelings. Would you have wanted to be embarrassed if you were her?
I thought for a second. "No, I said, but..."
"No, Billy, no 'buts'. You may say she is pretty, but it is not nice to make comments like that about people's bodies, don't you agree?"
"Yes..."
"And, if you were her, would you have wanted someone to hurt your feelings?"
I thought again. "Well," I said. "I mean, only girls get 'hurt feelings,' but I guess it could have been rude for me to say that."
"So, Billy, you don't think someone can hurt a boy's feelings?"
"No, I mean, guys can take stuff like that. Even if someone gets them down they don't have 'feelings' like that, I mean, "'hurt feelings' is such a girl thing. If you're a guy and you have 'hurt feelings' you must be some kind of sissy or something."
"Okay, I suppose that can true Billy, but you wouldn't want that to happen to you, would you?".
I guess he was right, I mean I'm a guy, but I did see what her meant. "Um, No," I said, "I guess I wouldn't."
Anyway we continued talking for a while and then, the next thing I knew, I was back in my room getting ready for my next class. I guess I'd still been daydreaming or thinking about the session, because I couldn't remember walking back to the room afterward. Oh, well.
Classes were okay over the rest of the day. They weren't kidding about the different programs... There were no Bluebands in any of my classes. But the teachers seemed nice (there were only a couple at the school anyway) and the work didn't seem like it'd be too hard. Actually it was so easy it was almost funny, but that was good, because I couldn't seem to stay that focused on it.
Dinner was again fairly bland food, just a small salad and plain baked potato for Pinkbands (while Bluebands got hamburgers), but it satisfied my appetite. We had to take vitamins again at dinner, which is something I'd never had to do at night before, but this school seemed big on health, so I took the three pills they gave me.
The rest of the day was pretty uneventful. Later that night I was lieing in bed thinking about jerking off. I started playing, but my dick was a little sore from whatever that cream was that had been on it in the morning. It also didn't seem to be in a rush to get hard and even though it was only 8:00, I was so exhausted that after a few minutes I decided to just do it in the morning and get some sleep. Michael had already fallen asleep reading a book, so I just shut the light and rolled over myself.
And that was that. Over the rest of the week I began settling in to the schedule they'd set up for us. I still felt sick and threw up again for a couple of mornings, but I quickly found myself looking forward to my morning and evening vitamins, because they always seemed to make me feel good. It was funny, I was never very good at swallowing pills, but even after only three or four days I'd grab and swallow the pills even before I got my orange juice or water. :)
Earlier in the week the doctor had given Michael a walkman and some classical music tapes that he said he should listen to to help fall asleep at night. Michael said he didn't like falling asleep with the earphones on, which I guess I understood. It could get uncomfortable. I didn't really like that kind of music, but Michael said the doctor told him it was important that he relax, so I told Michael I wouldn't mind if he played them on his stereo and we'd both fall asleep to the music. I was hoping he would get tired of them after a day or so, but the music wasn't bad. Actually it really was relaxing and it had a way of drawing you into it, so we kept playing them, even just in the background when we were studying. We always seemed to feel refreshed after listening. A couple times we'd even forgotten them on overnight.
The sessions with Dr. Mark continued, mostly unevenfully. They couldn't have been that exciting, because half the time I couldn't even remember what we'd talked about. We looked at some more slides, but I couldn't even remember those. I know we spent a lot of time talking about language and speaking clearly and politely, like saying "please", and I think a few times the doctor had me imagine how I'd feel if someone was rude or mean to me, but I couldn't remember too much else. I guess it was true what he was saying, though, I really should watch what I say a bit more.
I had another one of those intense shots on Saturday morning. I was feeling really foggy again, so when the doctor tried to measure my penus I couldn't get it to get much of an erection. It used to point straight up when it was hard, but for some reason for the past week or so it was being lazy, and now I could barely get it to stick out a little, much less up. Well, I felt so good from the shot that I was having trouble keeping my mind on jerking off, maybe that was it. Anyway it only took a few minutes, and then I was sent outside to play. Some of the Bluebands were playing football, but I wasn't feeling that frisky so I wound up sitting around and talking quietly on the courtyard with Michael and some of the other Pinkbands. It was cool to have a chance to get to know them better. Actually it was weird, even though we were sitting there kind of chatting, none of us seemed to be able to hold a conversation for very long. I myself felt so calm and dazed from the shot that I kept trailing off even while I was talking, and then realizing I'd been staring blankly into space. With the same thing happening to Michael and most of the other Pinkbands, it wasn't lively conversation. In fact a couple times ten or fifteen minutes must have went by with none of us saying a word. It was still cool, though. I don't think any of us were bored; it was so much fun to just be sitting there together enjoying the sun, knowing that we all felt the same way. Plus, when I looked over I could see the Bluebands were getting really riled up by the game, even fighting and stuff, so I was happy to be relaxing at a distance.
The entire next week seemed to just fly by. It was so fast it was hard to believe. I'd had a quiz in a class on Tuesday, another of those weird penus cream treatments on Wednesday, and two tests in one of my classes on Friday, but before I knew it it was Saturday again. I was especially happy because I learned that every Saturday, Pinkbands got one of those shots. I mean, the vitamin pills during the week had me feeling good, but they weren't like these shots. I don't know what they were for, but they sure felt awesome. After only two or three weeks here I'd already found myself looking forward to the next shot all week -- it was almost all I could think of.
Anyway after the shot Dr. Mark asked me to jerk off for him so he could take another measurement of me. Again I couldn't seem to concentrate on it. I was feeling so good from the shot that I wasn't into it. Actually, I kept forgetting that I was supposed to be jerking off, so I didn't get hard at all this time or anything. He said it was okay, wrote something down on my card, and the next thing I was sitting outside with the other Pinkband boys.
I had a strange experience on Tuesday of the week after that. I was walking back from a class and kind of stood by a door. There was this tall Blueband Alex who was coming my way and I guess I accidentally blocked him for a second, because the next thing I knew he was screaming at me and shoved me back so hard I hit the wall behind me. Normally I probably would have been really pissed and would have swung back at him, but all of a sudden I started crying. I don't know where it came from, but I couldn't control it at all, it just kind of welled up inside me. Alex went even more nuts and called me a wimp and a lisping sissy faggot and other stuff. Between tears I tried to applogize, but then I realized I actually -was- lisping a bit, I must have somehow picked it up from Michael without realizing, and suddenly I was so afraid of Alex that I was trembling, and I completely lost it and ran back to the room hysterical. I've never been scared like that before. I was still there shaking and crying five minutes later when Michael came in. He sat down next to me on the bed and put his hand on my shoulder, and I told him what had happened. It was kind of funny, he started crying too and we just kind of sat there together holding my blanket. I felt bad that at first I hadn't thought much of him. So what if he had a little bit of a lisp? I hadn't been paying attention to it anyway. Michael was really nice.
In my morning session with Doctor Mark the next day, I told him what happened and asked why Alex would have thought I was a sissy.
"Well that was wrong of him," the doctor said. "Some boys can't help the way they are. Whether they are bigger and more aggressive or the smaller, weaker, more timid type, its just them. But tell me, Billy, do you think there is something wrong with being a sissy? That really wasn't a very nice thing for Alex to say. Did he hurt your feelings?"
I thought about it for a second. "Uh...I don't know," I said. Suddenly I got choked up. I realized that I DID feel hurt... But I was a boy, boys don't get hurt feelings over stuff like that -- do they? I remembered being so afraid of Alex, why? I didn't say anything about this to Doctor Mark, but I thought about it for a while. What if Alex was right about me? I mean, I had been crying, and boys don't cry like that either. What was up with me? The thought was so upsetting that it almost started me crying again.
Oh, well, before I knew it the session was over and I was in my next class.
Time continued to pass, and already I had been at the school for about four weeks. After about a month at this place without weightlifting, it was becoming obvious that I was losing some muscle. Its not like it was the first time I'd gone without weight lifting for a little while, but for some reason my muscle tone had just kind of melted away this time. I know I hadn't had much of an appetite, and I also hadn't really done any physical activity since I'd been here, but it still was weird to look so thin after just a few weeks of inactivity. According to Nurse Leigh I had actually lost 13 pounds in the first three or four weeks. I was only like 7% body fat when I arrived, and was now something like 11%, so that lost weight must have been all muscle. Actually, I don't think I'd ever been this thin--almost as thin as Michael now. My arms, legs and even my shoulders were skinny. I still had a little bit of muscle on my stomach, but it wasn't obvious now unless I flexed the muscles, even then it was no six pack, it was just kind of flat. It was a little embarrassing to have all this show through my snug shirts, because I looked so weak now, but then again none of the other Pinkbands were muscular so I didn't stand out or anything. Actually it was pretty funny, I think that losing that muscle made me look younger, like a boy who hadn't hit puberty yet. Even my face was a little rounder. Well, at least my skin had cleared up. I had been breaking out a bit before I came here, but now my skin seemed a lot drier and less oily, so it looked much clearer.
It was strange to not be as strong as I used to be, especially when I had to open the heavy doors around the school, but, this is really funny, sometimes I time it so that someone else opens the door for me. Isn't that silly?
The loss of all that muscle probably should have bothered me, but its not like I had any extra energy to go try to sneak into the gym. I felt so calm and so good anyway, so what was the big deal not having big muscles? Its not like I was into any of that silly competition stuff. Besides, it was more fun to relax and read a nice book than go to the gym and get all sweaty and sticky. I never minded it before, but lately I felt kind of yucky when I sweated like that. I remember in one of my sessions, Dr. Mark agreed with me and said that my changing interests were signs of my progress, and they they would continue. He also told me that Michael was progressing well so far, and that I should try to be more like him. That was cool. I remember I'd mentioned to Dr. Mark that I'd liked Michael and thought he was a nice guy, but I could have sworn he and I had talked about it more.
I still couldn't remember half of those sessions, but I noticed that lately I wasn't thinking about women at all, and I was spending more time worrying about my own appearance. Not muscles or sports or anything like that, just making sure that my hair was neat and my clothes weren't wrinkled or anything. Michael was always so good at that. Lately I'd been taking better care of myself all around. I'd gotten into the habit of showering a few times a day, usually after the session just to refresh a bit. I'd been getting into putting lotion on too. There was this creamy skin lotion that the doctor had given Michael. It smelled nice and felt really good and tingly. It was kind of oily. I don't know why, but sometimes I rubbed a little of it in the space between my legs just to feel it there. It started as just a curiosity thing that I couldn't explain, but now I found myself doing it every day, coating my penus and scrotum, and going farther back each time. It felt nice to touch and feel my butt for some reason. It didn't turn me on or anything, at least I didn't feel like I was turned on, but it felt so nice. A couple times I realized that without even thinking about it I was opening my legs wider or arching my butt up just from the feeling of it.
I don't know why I'd hated the Pinkband clothing so much at first, maybe it just took time to get used to, because it was kind of nice how it felt so light and smooth. Anyway Dr. Mark did also help me with a couple other things. It was true what he said, if I did somehow get a tendency to lisp when I got scared or excited, and that was just me, why should I let a bully like Alex make me feel bad about it?
What was kind of funny was that, while I was losing weight, Michael was gaining weight. It wasn't muscle, either, and he had put on something like four or five pounds over this time. I didn't want to say something and hurt his feelings or anything, but most of that seemed to be on his legs and butt. The way Pinkband underwear and shorts came up high on the legs there was no hiding it, and the poor guy was so thin to begin with that even the few pounds of difference showed when he walked or stood sideways to you. You could tell he was carrying a little bit more weight there, especially if you were walking behind him. It even showed a little in his face. Its not that he looked fat or anything, his shape was just a little different, a little softer and rounder.
I felt bad for a couple of the other Pinkbands. A few of the boys had put on almost ten pounds, and you could see the added weight in their butts. This one Pinkband Joe, who Michael and I sometimes had lunch with, had started to get those little knobby nipples that overweight boys do. I didn't think he was that overweight, but he had put on weight (15 pounds, one of the other boys whispered to us), and if you looked at him you could really see it in his chest and thighs. I was a bit worried about myself, though, because my own nipples had suddenly started iching and tingling about a week ago. You couldn't really see their outline through my shirt or anything, but the tips were bigger, and instead of being pale, they were a noticeable dark pinkish brown color now. They did stick out a little if I stood sideways in the bathroom mirror. Maybe it was my imagination, but it seemed like my butt was filling out my underwear more, too. It was almost snug now. Still, with all the shots I'd been getting I couldn't remember feeling better. I was feeling so good that none of this could have been bad, so I didn't really get too concerned about it.
--
As time went on, I found I didn't mind the strange Pinkband clothes as much. At first I had felt like a sissy wearing them but they were so comfortable that somehow during these two months or so the fact that they looked kind of girly didn't upset me any more. In fact it was almost kind of nice. The material was so much more delicate and soft and shiny, and I liked the way it felt cool against my skin. I don't know how I ever wore that ugly, rough underwear I used to. Besides, all the other Pinkbands were wearing it too, so no one was going to make fun of me, except maybe a Blueband. One saturday when I asked Dr. Mark if I could get more pairs of pink underwear he even gave me an extra strong injection, like I got on the first day. Then he gave me ten pears of mixed soft pink, peach, and lavender-colored silk briefs. They were cut a little differently, a bit bigger at the seat. I noticed that they were also maybe two inches bigger around the hips. They were a little loose, but so silky. I spent the whole afternoon thinking about how comfortable they were.
It was kind of scary but that Blueband Alex did give me a hard time every now and again. I don't know why I was so scared of him. Actually I realized that I was scared a lot more easily than I remember, and I was especially scared of most of the Bluebands. Maybe it was just that most of them were bigger than me. It was kind of intimidating. They all liked to play really rough sports like football or rugby. I don't know why, but they just seemed unpredictable and too violent to me. In Alex's case maybe it was also that when he wasn't yelling at me he was giving me the finger or making other gestures or doing impressions of me, I don't know. He was about six inches taller than me and with the tank tops that the Bluebands wore you could see he was strong. I had never really looked at a boy like this before, but I noticed he had big, knobby biceps and broad shoulders, and even some straight dark hair on his chest. He was only 15 or 16, but he looked so strong and powerful. I never remembered being scared of boys before, but every time I saw him I got so scared I started shaking. If I wasn't careful not to piss him off he could really hurt me.
I was looking at myself in the mirror one day and noticing how my underwear looked so nice. Since I'd been here I had lost almost all of my muscle and muscle definition, but it was weird, my body didn't look bad. It wasn't boney, it just looked kind of softer now. My skin was smoother than I ever remember it being before. I also noticed something else I hadn't noticed before. I was growing pubic hair. I hadn't really started to grow much up until now, so seeing a nice little crop of it starting got me a little excited, like puberty was picking up its pace a bit. Actually that's the weird thing, though. I haven't been horny at all lately. About the most sexual thing I can remember doing is touching my penus a bit the other day. But I wasn't playing with it or anything, just thinking about how I haven't even looked at it in what must have been weeks. I guess a while back, without even thinking about it, I had started sitting down to go to the bathroom, and I hadn't touched or thought about my penus since then. I looked down at it for a few seconds. It looked a bit paler and maybe it was my imagination, but even a little smaller than I remember it being. Maybe it was only because I had more pubic hair so it was less noticeable, but somehow the thought that it could have been smaller didn't even bother me. I just didn't feel like it should be such an important focus of my body anymore. In fact I couldn't really remember why I used to get so worked up over it. I stared down at it now, and couldn't help but think that it looked a looked a little silly hanging between my legs. I thought about telling Dr. Mark about this, and for a second that thought even seemed familar, but then I decided it must have just been my imagination, and figured I'd keep the thought to myself.
It was funny but I was paying more attention to my nipples these days. I didn't understand why, but there were hard lumps under them now and they were always itchy. Sometimes they even felt sore. Somehow, they had definitely gotten bigger across, and were now an ever brighter pinkish-tan color. I guess I should have been worried that they were starting to point outward, because you could see the two little points through most of my shirts now, but it was weird, I found if I was really gentle it felt nice to circle my fingers around them. It didn't get me horny or anything, at least not like I used to get, but it was kind of soothing and made me feel all tingly. Michael noticed I was feeling them through my shirt one night, and the next thing I knew we were both sitting on my bed talking about it, and how he had been noticing the same thing.
At first we were both embarrassed, but with the way our shots and vitamins made us feel so relaxed (I guess we had less inhibitions), after a few minutes we lifted our shirts. Michael had no hair anywhere, not even his underarms (where I suddenly seemed to be growing a little hair), so it was interesting seeing him lift his shirt. His body looked so clean and smooth. I could see that his nipples were definitely bigger than I remembered them, and what looked like more than an inch across. They were bright pink like mine, and seemed to reach outward into two soft points. I looked up and saw Michael was blushing, and I must have been too, because I felt warm. If anything I was the one who should have been embarrassed, since mine might have been a bit bigger or at least wider across than his, but we stopped looking and just layed down next to each other talking. As his leg brushed against mine I could feel it was really soft and smooth. I didn't even think about it until after I had done it, but I must have responded by sliding my leg over a bit so it stayed in contact with his. Instead of moving it away, he gently pressed his leg against mine, and after a few minutes we were just laying there side by side holding hands. It was so gentle and so relaxing that we both fell asleep.
I guess we didn't wake up until the next morning, because the first thing I saw the next day was Michael laying next to me. It was weird sharing a bed like that and having there be no tension. There was no attraction or anything; I guess we just both liked the companionship. Michael smiled and reached for my hand. Without even thinking I opened it and slid closer to him. I felt so different, actually a little delicate. It was funny. I looked down at the outline of his pastel green satin underwear. They draped gently over his body, like they were made to fit it, with just the slightest hint of a bulge in his crotch. They made his smooth legs look nice. His legs seemed to gradually get wider at the thighs and streamline into the rest of his body. I looked down at my own pink underwear and got butterflies in my stomach when I saw that my legs looked almost as smooth as his.
In the shower that day I was soaping my arms and had this funny sensation, like I'd missed washing under my arms. The next thing I knew I'd taken a razor and shaved my underarms clean. I don't know why I did it, but it felt so much cleaner now that I couldn't understand why I hadn't done it before. My legs weren't really that hairy, but I liked the way my underarms felt so much that I shaved my legs too. I knew this was a kind of weird thing to do, but I just felt icky with all that hair on my body. Michael didn't have any hair, and his body looked so clean and smooth. I wanted to look like him.
As soon as I got out of the shower I aterted thinking about one of the things that made Michael look so nice. There was hardly any bulge in his crotch, which made his underwear look more streamlined. The doctor had told me that my penus was smaller than it used to be, but the tent it made in my underwear was still a litle bit bigger than Michael's. Why did I used to be so focused on its size? Lately, I had been trying to ignore it as much as I could. The thought of using it for anything made me nautious, even if I was only touching it to go to the toilet. It was so ugly I almost wanted to cry every time I saw the buldge it was causing in my underwear.
I guess I shouldn't have spoken so soon about not gaining weight, though, because a week or two later, Nurse Leigh told me I'd gained five more pounds. After I thought about it I guess I could see why. My waist was still slim, but now my stomach kind of softly curved outward down low, and you could see my legs were heavier. I felt a little different when I was walking, like I had more weight down below my waist, and I could feel it shift if I walked quickly. I also noticed my butt wobbled a bit if I tried to run, but I wasn't uncomfortable. If nothing else, the new underwear that the doctor had given me now fit even better. They seemed to hug my body like they were made for it, and the hips weren't loose anymore. Anyway, the shots were still so awesome that as soon as I got one, I couldn't think about anything at all, no matter how hard I tried. The effect gradually went away over the time between shots, but usually by the time my head was starting to clear, all I could think about was getting another shot again.
The weather had been warm lately, and Michael and I would go out walking in the woods and fields. It was fun, we would just talk and look at the trees and run around them sometimes, just kind of messing around and giggling. It was funny we'd giggle like that, sometimes over the least little things. One time Michael tripped on a branch and fell and started crying. I felt so bad for him, so I sat down and we hugged. Soon I started crying too. Maybe it was a sissy thing to do, but I couldn't help it.
Michael and I had been spending a lot of time together lately. Between all the shots, I was starting to feel really different. I asked Doctor Mark about it one time, and he said if I hadn't figured it out yet I'd know after the session at the end of the ninth week. That was only two weeks away, but I was still very curious. I thought about it for a few seconds, but then he gave me my shot and the thoughts quickly faded to nothingness as I stood there blankly with my mouth open.
I rushed the next two weeks. And eventually that saturday came. It was the end of my ninth week, and I reported to the doctor's office for my next shot. This time I was surprised to see a strange looking machine up against the wall. It looked like a cross country skiiing machine, but it had what looked like a bicycle seat on it, and a screen with two buttons in front, one blue, and one pink. Doctor Mark didn't pay attention to it at first, and started my exam like any other. Until I asked him when I could get my shot. All of a sudden he stepped back.
"This time we're going to do things a little differently," he said.
I wasn't sure what he meant, but I was scared and I instantly started to cry.
"Aw, the poor little sissy girl," He said. "Its okay, you might still choose to get a shot."
He had called me a sissy girl, but I didn't care. I wanted a shot. I started crying even harder.
Doctor Mark moved me over and strapped me onto the machine in the corner. He locked the arm and leg straps, threw a switch, and the screen in front of me turned on. There were three tall rectangles showing on it. The rectangle on the left was centered above the blue button. The rectangle to the right was centered above the pink button, and the third rectangle was in the middle, above the center between the two buttons. I stopped crying because I was curious what was going on.
"Now," said the doctor, "You will have a choice." He flipped another switch.
The black rectangle above the blue button on the left was replaced with a picture--it was me, and I was naked. I wanted to cry again, but my curiousity kept me from it for the moment.
"This is you when you first arrived," he said. He threw two more switches.
First, the rectangle above the pink button to the right was replaced with another picture. This time is was of a girl, also naked--the same girl I'd seen a picture of in my session with Doctor Mark on the first week. Then, a big needle rose up out of the back mechanism and positioned itself behind me.
"Now," he said, "The chair that you are sitting on is capable of delvering a shot of the same formula that you received on your first day here. Actually even a bit stronger, because its got a few other interesting additions. But you have to press one of the buttons to receive it. I'm sure you'll understand in a minute."
He threw one more switch. The middle rectangle was replaced by a picture of me.
"This is you, this week," he said. "Notice the differences."
I looked at the pictures. I saw the first one of me, with my knobby muscles, toned chest and defined legs. Then I looked at the next. I was thinner, with no noticeable muscle tone at all. My shoulders looked narrower. Instead of pecs, you could see the bright pink tips of my nipples protruding forward. My waist was still narrow, but it curved slightly outward to what looked like wider hips. I had some pubic hair in the second picture, but it looked like my genitals were smaller. My thighs were a little bigger and rounder. I looked to the right at the picture of the girl... And all of a sudden I realized what was happening. I started crying again.
"Now you understand," the doctor said. "The very first injection you received shut off your male hormone production and delivered high levels of female hormones into your system. Now your choice is simple. Click on the blue button, and the changes will stop. You will receive no more shots, and your body will stop becoming more feminine. You should know, however, that your penus will probably never be capable of erections again, and since it is no longer functional it may continue to shrink until it is less than two inches. That cream you've been rubbing on it--and we do know you've been using it--was an experimental mix of estrogen-like chemicals specifically developed to help reduce the size and potency of male genitals. It was originally intended for your friend Michael, but when the hypnotic tapes we gave him to make him feel compelled to use it regularly also affected you, we decided we'd simple include you in the experiment. It seems to have been quite effective, since your penus is already only two and a half inches in size. Your hips have also already started to grow heavier and wider--actually they are already two and a half inches wider than they were--so they will never be as narrow as a normal boy's. Your testicles have atrophied a bit as well, and between the action of the female hormones on them and the preliminary effects on your brain, you'll never be anything close to a stud. Of course you also have another choice. Click the pink button, and you'll immediately be given another shot. It will feel just like the first shot you received, only this time it will contain even higher levels of estrogens. Your brain has already started to rewire itself into a female pattern. This next injection has some extra chemicals in it that will start those processes becoming permanent. You won't be able to think like a boy again, and your body will continue to develop in female ways."
I sat there crying hysterically. It wasn't even the changes that were happening in my body. They did scare me, but it was that I really wanted another shot. It had been a week since my last one and I was trembling to get another one. But I knew what that meant -- If I pressed the pink button I could never be a boy again. Still trembling and crying, I moved my hand over to the console. I wanted to click the blue button. I thought about being a boy, playing sports, and doing all the things I used to enjoy. Then I thought about the past few months, and how different I felt. I wanted an injection. I couldn't think about anything but the injection.
With tears streaming down my cheeks, I made my decision and pressed the pink button. Instantly, the first picture of me as a boy dissappeared. I heard the machine start whirring, felt a sting on my butt, and felt the cool liquid being emptied into me. Then, a rush. My eyes went out of focus and my whole body relaxed. It was impossible to focus on anything. The tears stopped as my mind went totally blank again in awe.