This is a story of love between two young men. If you are under age, or live in an area where reading stories that include sex between males sex is illegal, or if you're not into this type of story, please leave. The story begins in 1969. While the characters and their story are completely fictional, it is set at places that are real and is told against a backdrop of some real events. This was a time when all sex was safe. It isn't now, so please respect yourself and others enough to always play safe. Comments are appreciated at NJRimzu@aol.com
Oct. 13
Billy
I finally got up the nerve to bring up the idea with Danny today. I'm not even sure myself what I mean or think, but it's been rolling around in my head for a little while and I had to talk to him. But I was so afraid he'd think me a total pervert, I wasn't sure how to begin. After supper in the Commons, we ended up back in the room with no plans for the evening, so I thought I'd try.
"Danny, remember when we were going through your records at your house last week?"
"Yeah, when you ruled out Tommy Roe."
"Yeah. And you said, 'Whatever you say' when I mentioned that album. And I asked you if you really meant it. And you said you did, that you were happy to follow my lead."
"I meant that. Not just about records. I mean, having been alone so much through high school, I have a pretty independent streak, but I really like it when you lead the way and make decisions. Sometimes I can spend forever on the fence, weighing the pros and cons, not knowing what to do, a typical Libra."
"And last week at the party, when I embarrassed you in front of Carole, remember what you said about sometimes not being able to take the streets out of the boy?"
"Yeah, what are you leading up to?"
"Well, you were right. The key word there is sometimes. You see, as much as I try, and believe me it is often an effort, I'm a street kid from Newark. A street punk. A bully, a gang member. I don't know if that's who I really am, or if that's just my history, but it is what I had to become to survive, especially knowing I was gay. I got tough, and rough and aggressive. They say the best defense is a good offense. And I got really good at being offensive."
"You may think so, and you may have convinced a lot of guys here of that when you first got here, but I saw through you right from the start. I knew you were a good guy."
"I am, but I'm also that street punk. I've been him for nearly half my life."
"So where are we going with this conversation?"
"I'm really afraid to talk about this. Afraid you'll think I'm a freak or something. Afraid you'll stop loving me."
"No chance that I'll ever stop loving you. And I already think we're both freaks, so relax about that. Just tell me what's on your mind."
"I love making love to you and having you make love to me. I love it, all of the ways we do it. You are so sexy, so gentle. But, and please don't take this as criticism, there is this other side of me. The street punk. Part of me is as much animal as human. A couple of times when I was making beautiful, wonderful, passionate love to you, an image popped into my mind. Me, this tough black boy from Newark, fucking the hell out of this innocent white suburban boy. Me, with my prejudices and anger against whites with a white boy totally under my control. I've realized that I haven't yet become the civilized, educated black kid that I want to be. Part of me is still that street punk, full of anger."
"I guess being a soft sissy white suburban boy enjoying the hell out of the incredible sex we've been having, I never realized you had two minds about it. So what can we do?"
"Make no mistake about it, I love what we've been doing. But I thought that maybe sometime we might try to do it a little different, a little rougher. Maybe play act my fantasy, me the tough street kid, you the unsuspecting innocent kid. Me kind of forcing myself on you. Dominating you. Being a little rough."
"You mean you want to hurt me?"
"No! No! Never! I could never hurt you. I would never hurt you. Just a bit of dominating and control."
"Well, I haven't done any acting since Hansel and Gretel in second grade, but if you want to try something different, I'm willing to try. Wanna do it now?"
"No. It has to be something spontaneous. What we've been doing is wonderful. But sometime, I might come on a little strong and I don't want you to be scared. Just know that I love you and won't hurt you and play along, okay?
"Okay. I don't like pain, but I was the one who said 'Whatever you want' and I meant it."
"I'm not talking about real pain, just a little roughness and domination. I'm not even sure what I want to try, but if it gets to much for you just tell me to stop and I will."
Danny
I'm not sure what to think about Billy's suggestion. I'm very definitely not into pain so I hope he doesn't have that in mind. But I do like him taking charge. I love it when he's in me, when he seems to be in complete possession of me. Not just the physical feeling, although that's great. But I like his being in control. Maybe it's just that I don't want to accept responsibility for what we are doing. By letting him run things, it makes him responsible, not me. That's probably part of it, but not all.
And as far as the 'rough' part goes, I may be a gentle sissy, but there have been times in bed with Billy that the passion has almost overwhelmed me and I've had to struggle not to go wild, to lose control. And not being sure when it is coming keeps me on edge a bit. Anticipation adds to the excitement. So this could be fun.
Oct. 15
Billy
So this is it-Moratorium Day. My first opportunity at peaceful protest. My only prior experience at protest was totally violent. The Newark riots. I was 15, a troublemaker and hated whites. The riots exploded in my neighborhood, just like they were happening all over the country. It was like, all of a sudden, there were no rules. Whitey wasn't in control. We were free, literally, to do anything we wanted. And we were angry. So what we wanted was revenge. Rage ruled the day. I was out with my gang at the beginning, picking up anything that wasn't nailed down and throwing it at the shops run by white folks who treated us like shit, but depended on our business for their money. After a while, I was attacking anything and anyone white, whether or not I knew anything about them. The anger fed on itself. Nothing made sense, it was just rage exploding everywhere.
And then I was hiding behind some trash cans, with a pile of ammo next to me. Rocks, bricks, pieces of wood, anything I could throw. The cops were trying to push their way through the area, forcing us back. This brother I didn't know came running toward me, a smile on his face, carrying a TV he had obviously grabbed from a broken storefront. Just as he was about to pass me, I heard a gunshot. He stopped in his tracks, and fell forward on top of the TV. I saw the spot of blood expanding on the back of his shirt and the blood that started running from the corner of his mouth,
And then it hit me. It wasn't a game. It wasn't a gang fight. It was so much more. It was life and death, and I didn't want to die. I wanted life for my people to be better, but I wanted my life too. So I carefully scurried back home and stayed in our apartment until it was all over.
I've never told anyone about that day, not even Danny.
"So, what's the schedule for today, white boy?"
"The march starts at noon, winds its way through town and ends up at the mall by Willie the Silent, where the rally begins. Then at four, we go over to Douglass with Lucy, take off all our clothes and pose for pictures. Just a typical day at school."
"You say it so casually, but I'm sure you must be nervous about the last part."
"Nervous? No. Scared to death? Possibly. I can't believe you guys talked me into it. But I'm really looking forward to the march and rally first so I'm trying to concentrate on them."
"So am I, but I don't think you should be worried about posing for Lucy. I'll tell you a secret I learned my first day in art class if you don't tell Lucy. I was actually a little nervous myself. Professor Adams told me to just imagine that I was wearing a small swimsuit. To forget about being totally naked and pretend that I wasn't. It worked. I haven't given it a thought since then."
Danny
I'm not sure if Billy was telling the truth or not. I can't imagine him nervous, especially about something as simple as nudity when he seems to enjoy showing off his body. But what he said made me feel more at ease. Lucy got to the dorm around 11:30 and we went off to join the march.
"I can't believe how many people are here. I don't ever think I've seen a crowd this big."
"It is a pretty good crowd, white boy."
"Billy, let me get up on your shoulders so I can get a picture."
"What's the matter, Lucy? Don't you think I can hold you?"
"No, it's just that Billy is an inch or so taller."
"And longer."
"Billy!" I must have turned bright red at that.
"Baby, Lucy's gonna see for herself in a little while. No point in keeping any secrets about that now."
"Um, boys. I think at least one of you has missed the point here. Like your art professor, Billy, I'm not trying to photograph erections today. Just bodies with nice, soft penises. And size doesn't matter."
"That may be your intent, Lucy, but I don't know how long Danny and I can be naked together without at least one of us getting a little excited."
"Then I'll just have to keep plenty of ice water available to cool you down. Enough sex talk boys, I think the crowd is starting to move."
The march wound it's way through downtown New Brunswick, following practically the same path as the parade the night before the Princeton game, ending up back on campus at the grassy mall where the rally was to be held.
"With nearly every college in the country doing this today, I can't believe we were lucky enough to get Senator Eugene McCarthy as our main speaker." I've been impressed with McCarthy since I first heard of him.
"Yeah, he's an icon in the peace movement. But even though I'm against the war, I have mixed feelings about his having knocked LBJ out of the presidency. Johnson managed to get a hell of a lot of civil rights legislation passed. Now we're stuck with Nixon, more war and no action on civil rights."
In the march, there were so many couples with arms around each other, or holding hands. Obviously, Billy and I couldn't do that. But we sort of figured out a way. Lucy walked between us and we each put an arm around her waist. That way, even though we were holding her, our arms were pressed together behind her. It was an amazingly beautiful day for mid-October. By the time we got to the rally, we just lay down on the grass, the three of us wrapped up together, kind of blending in with everyone else, not looking too queer.
The rally was both boring and exciting. So many people spoke. A lot of them were students representing all kinds of radical groups like SDS. They were totally boring, not saying anything that hadn't been said before. Then Senator McCarthy spoke. He was so inspirational. It's not like he's a powerful speaker. He just talks and is so eloquent and makes so much sense. He recited poetry and managed to make a speech that was more like an individual conversation with thousands of kids. What a gift of communication he has.
Lucy
I was so excited about the photo shoot later in the day I could hardly focus on the main point of the day. Though once I got over to College Ave and Billy and Danny, they helped me keep it all in perspective. One day, nearly every college in the country, calling a moratorium on business as usual. A first. No classes, no tests. Just a day to talk about the war. A day where we didn't act as if there wasn't a war going on. Pretending American boys weren't dying for something no one could completely explain. And most of those boys were black and poor. Because white boys and rich boys got student deferments from the draft.
As a girl, I can't begin to understand what the guys I know here at school, like Billy and Danny, must be feeling. They've got their draft deferments. But they see what's happening to those who don't have them. So, while they are relieved they don't have to go, at least for now, they have got to feel guilty about the ones who do have to go. I do know that these guys who don't have to go fight right now, they understand their privilege, and maybe some love it, maybe some resent it, maybe some feel guilty about it, but most of them feel for those who don't have what they have. They don't want to go fight a war that makes no sense to them and they wish no other American guys had to do that either.
I can't deny I loved marching between Billy and Danny with their arms around me, though I knew they were doing it just so they could touch each other. I love them both so much and can't believe I'm going to be doing a shoot of them later today.
After the rally, we took the bus across town to Douglass to the photo studio in the art building. Maybe because he was nervous about the modeling, maybe because he really is getting more political by the day, Danny kept going on and on about the march and rally, raving about the feeling of togetherness thousands of people could experience when joined together in a cause.
"Okay, boys. Strip."
"You mean just like that, here in the middle of the room?"
"Yeah, shouldn't we have a little music to go along with it?"
"I can see this is going to be more difficult than I thought. You two go over behind that screen and get undressed. I'll set up the cameras and backdrops."
When they came back, I could see how relieved Danny was that they found robes in the dressing area. He was actually smiling. Then I caught a whiff of a familiar smell.
"How dare you two smoke a joint here in a classroom building! And how dare you not share it with me!"
"Don't worry sexy lady. I've got another one for all three of us later. A nice fat one."
"Well, as long as you're all ready, let's get this show on the road. Drop the robes and let's see what I have to work with."
I think I managed to keep from gasping as they took off the robes. Though I'd seen Billy in class and seen Danny in his underwear, I couldn't get over how sexy they were up close in the nude. So similar in build, both nearly hairless, Billy slightly bigger and more muscular. Danny so white and Billy so dark brown. They each did a twirl for me and showed off all of their assets. I grabbed the camera and started shooting.
Billy
I knew that in spite of our talk, Danny was going to be nervous. So I managed to pick up a couple of joints. We hadn't smoked since that night at Willie the Silent, but everything worked out fine that night, so I figured it couldn't hurt today. Danny's eyes lit up when I pulled out the joint. We were both feeling just fine when we went out to expose ourselves to Lucy.
But what a workout she put us through. It wasn't like art class where I struck a pose and the hard part was not moving for ten minutes. She had us constantly moving, wrapping ourselves around each other, lifting each other, going through contorsions I didn't think possible. And most of her pictures were close-ups, only inches way, only getting little bits of us in each shot. Finally she slowed down.
"Okay, boys. I want to try some full body shots, maybe something a little sensual. Some poses like you're dancing, doing a tango or something like that. Looking into each other's eyes. Romantic, sexy and sensual. But try to keep the little boys down. I'm looking for romance, not porn."
We went through the motions for about ten minutes, but it was obvious Danny and I were getting turned on by it.
"Break time, guys. Put on your robes and get out that joint. We need a little rest."
"It's so weird sitting here in robes with you, talking politics, being nude and stoned. This afternoon has been a lot of work, but it's been fun too. And teasing and tantalizing. When we get back to our room, I want to fuck Billy all night long."
"Whoa there, little white boy. I think you've had enough to smoke."
"Billy, you let him do that to you? I mean, I just kind of assumed that you were the one doing that to Danny."
"We both do everything. Whatever we're in the mood for. Who's in who isn't what's important. It's the physical connection, the emotional connection. Though there are times when we each really want something specific. Like it looks like Danny has something in mind for tonight."
Danny
Oh my God, I couldn't believe I'd said that in front of Lucy. She was shocked and I thought Billy might be upset, him projecting the tough guy image and me letting on that he wasn't always the one on top. But he was really cool about it. Took it in stride. Then again, maybe it was the pot.
Lucy tried to regain control of the situation.
"Okay, boys, there's one last shot I want to get. I've got it in my head, but I'm not sure if will work. I want you to stand face to face, almost up against each other. I want your noses touching, your arms held straight out from your sides, with only fingertips touching, toes touching and the tips of your dicks touching."
I thought it was an interesting pose, but there was one slight problem.
"Lucy, we can get most of these parts to touch, but I'm sure you've noticed by now that I am a littler smaller in one area than Billy so that may not come together quite right." "Yeah, white boy, I've noticed. But I figure that if I turn my back for a minute, Billy can probably do a little something to bring you up to the right size for all your parts to touch."
All it really took was a light kiss on the lips and a bit of a squeeze and were both the same size.
"Okay, lady. Quick take the pic, before we both change."